


Money Power Glory [Mafia Kylo Ren AU]

by Worm_girl



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Mob, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But with Kylo on the side - Freeform, Cheating, Cliffhangers, Corruption Kink, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, Drugs, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Gunplay, Honestly their relationship is cute, Knifeplay, Knights get involved with sexy times, Kylo is big and scary but is sweet to Y/N, Kylo protecc and attacc for his girl, Kylo's your sidebitch, LOTS of violence, Lots of illegal things going on - Freeform, Slow Burn, Stakes are REAL HIGH, Suspense, You're besties with the Knights of Ren, You're dating Hux - Freeform, but it's worth it, you'll probably cry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:53:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 272,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26567617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worm_girl/pseuds/Worm_girl
Summary: You are dating Armitage Hux, the mob boss (Snoke)'s right hand man. But when Kylo Ren, the underboss of the mafia, returns from his time away,  you soon become a pawn in their game of money, power, and glory."You talk lots about GodFreedom comes from the callBut that's not what this bitch wantsNot what I want at allI want money, power and glory"
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 35
Kudos: 194





	1. Weapon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are giving this story a chance, THANK YOU!
> 
> I would say it's sort of a slow burn at the start but things pick up relatively quickly. I wanted to establish you as a character before diving into the crazier stuff.
> 
> I also post this story on Wattpad under the same Title (username is worm-girl there).
> 
> I really appreciate comments so feel free to leave them!
> 
> \--------
> 
> I don't claim to know everything about the mafia/mob. There might be some information that isn't correct or realistic to what would actually happen in real life. At the end of the day, this is a story based on Star Wars so let's not take it so seriously!
> 
> If you are unfamiliar with the structure of a 'mafia family', I would recommend doing a google search to learn some background info if it becomes confusing. But the structure, at the start of the story, is as follows:  
> Boss = Snoke  
> Consigliere = Hux  
> Underboss = Kylo  
> Caporegime = Knights of Ren  
> Soliders = Storm Troopers  
> Associates = various characters who assist the mob
> 
> Although you are dating Hux, this is a Kylo x Reader story.
> 
> I try to post content warnings at the start of each chapter but just assume that since you are reading a story about the mafia that things might get intense. If there's ever a time that you think I missed something important to warn the audience of, please let me know!

You're staring at yourself in the mirror. Except it doesn't look exactly like you. Some parts are a little off, maybe borrowed from someone else. The room is red, everything is red and it hurts your eyes. A crown appears on your head, blood drips down from the parts of the metal that touch your skin, it's piercing you, piercing your skin but it doesn't hurt...Black gloves come from behind you, touching the crown, but you can't pull away from your reflection to see who it is, you almost don't want to know...as the gloves take the crown from your head, your scalp comes with it. Your brain is exposed. You look beautiful.

Your paintbrush swept across the canvas. 

Red.

The color you imagine your blood looks like...dripping from the crown.

You never had a plan for what the painting would turn out to be. That was the best part. You could turn your brain off and pretend to be anywhere else in the world than where you were in that moment. It was an escape, a place where you could let out all of your inner emotions and desires...

Your phone ringing snapped you out of this make believe world and it caused you to sigh, you weren't ready to leave.

You looked down at your phone and saw the name on the screen, 'Armie'. You were probably the only person who had ever called him that, maybe the only person besides his mother to call him something other than 'Hux'. You weren't exactly sure why he allowed you to do so but it did give you a sense of satisfaction that you were able to do something that someone else would get their ass beat over.

You picked up the phone, cussing under your breath when you left behind some paint on your screen that you hadn't realized was on your thumb. Red.

"Hi." You said, adjusting so that the phone was balancing between your cheek and shoulder, wiping off the rest of the excess paint on a dirty rag, the red paint getting on your cheek from the screen.

"Hi, Honey." Hux replied, he sounded distracted. 'Honey' is what he often called you and the only time it didn't make you want to roll your eyes was when you were in a good mood. It wasn't that you didn't like him using a pet name but it was just so...impersonal. You called waitresses honey, not your sexy girlfriend, you thought. "What are you up to?" He asked.

Now that your hands were clean, you were able to take the phone in your hand and hold it up to your ear that way. "I'm in the art studio..." You trailed off, trying to clip the irritation in your voice. Of course that was where you were, it was a week day and he knew you weren't done with school until 3. Your schedule didn't change much.

"Right, of course." He replied smoothly, as if he didn't forget, "I have plans for us tonight."

You couldn't help but smirk a little at that. You did like when he had plans. It usually meant something expensive. "Yeah?" You asked simply, wanting him to continue.

"Dinner at seven, I'll send a car." Hux said, the way he said it made you believe that he was stressed about it, "We will be... Um," He was trying to think of the way to word it. This was strange, even if it wasn't the right thing to say, he usually always had something to say.

You squinted at the painting in front of you, straining to figure out what he wanted to say.

"I've told you about Kylo Ren, haven't I?" Hux finally settled on. The disgust in his voice was not lost on you.

You picked at some dried paint on your easel, remembering.

You didn't have an extensive knowledge of the structure of Hux's work but he tried explaining things to you once before. You knew that Snoke was the main boss and that he had many people working under him, following his every order. Hux wasn't the man directly under him, he was more of an off shoot of power. Hux was supposed to be Snoke's mediator, he was the one who communicated with the cops and politicians, made sure that all of the people working under Snoke were in line and loyal. Snoke came to Hux for advice and relied on him to keep the peace.

Kylo Ren was...the man directly under Snoke? The underboss, he was called, you remembered. He would be the one replacing Snoke if he were to be killed or put into prison. Kylo had the most power out of everyone besides Smoke himself. When Kylo had first went away to conduct business in a more secluded area, you had just started dating Hux. You remembered how smug your boyfriend had been. He was convinced that Kylo wasn't coming back and that if Kylo were out of the picture, it was possible that Hux could become the underboss if Snoke allowed him to. Clearly, Hux would not be pleased that he was back home.

You picked a chunk of black paint of off the wood, frowning.

"You've mentioned him, I think." You said casually, knowing that this wasn't the time or place to get into details. It's not as if Hux would tell you anyways unless he had a few drinks before.

Hux was silent for a moment, judging if you were being honest or just trying to move the conversation along. Regardless, he continued, "Well, he's been away for over a year, doing business away from Snoke to not raise suspicion from the cops here, I know I've told you that...He is back in town now. We'll be going to dinner with him tonight to welcome him back." He explained.

Your frown deepened. You were hoping for a shopping trip or a broadway show. Not a business meeting. "Are you sure I should be there? I mean...this seems..." You weren't sure how to finish that. It seemed like something you shouldn't be around for, like it was the mob's business, not yours.

You could hear Hux let out a small chuckle, "Honey, I want you there. Besides, he's bringing someone too. It will be casual. Two friends catching up." You knew this wasn't the case, Hux would never just go to dinner with friends. This was something else, clearly. But you knew better than to argue.

"Okay fine." You said with a smile, "I'll be there." As if you had a choice.

"Perfect, I'll see you then. Wear that black dress I like, you know the one." Hux said, some of the stress in his voice being replaced with smugness.

Your relationship with Hux was almost entirely transactional. You allowed him to show you off in front of all of the guys and he allowed you to live the lifestyle that you wanted. You often wondered what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone you genuinely loved but then you'd remember that your college and upscale apartment were paid for and you got everything you asked for...and suddenly the desire for love was out of the window.

"Whatever you want." You replied, knowing how to stroke his ego.

As you hung up, you heard someone clearing their throat next to you. Snapping your head towards the sound, you saw someone else, an other student, who had been painting in the art studio giving you a dirty look. Whoops. "Sorry." You mumbled.

_______________________________

The interior of the restaurant was nothing special, expensive and picture perfect maybe, but not special. The walls were all a dark gray, gold accents on the tables and velvet furniture in places that didn't need it. It was like Pier 1 Imports threw up all over a Great Gatsby themed bachelorette party. It was sexy but it was lifeless. Whoever put it together simply checked off the boxes needed to create a trendy restaurant. The attire was black tie, most of the patron's shoes costing more than what the waiters made in a day.

The tables of various sizes were spread out across the dark floor, but not far enough apart for Hux's liking. All it took was asking the hostess at the entrance of the restaurant for the private room and it was given to him. The family who reserved it for a birthday dinner would have to just make do in the general seating area. As much as you hated to admit it to him, you loved how much power you had when you were with Hux, that he was able to ask for anything he wanted and was just given it instantly. You wished you could have that on your own.

The private room was dark, small and intimate. Plants and decor surrounded the table placed in the middle, the one that Hux had also requested when he saw that instead of the table with four placements that he was hoping for, he saw that there was a large round table made for over six people. That wasn't what he had in mind, it wasn't what he wanted. So he had them switch it out.

Besides the low music playing, the room was silent. You and Hux sat side by side, the two chairs across from you empty. He was on his phone, reading emails. As if the world were going to stop if he let himself live in the moment for even a second. His mind was always running, wondering what was going on back with Snoke, how was this dinner going to go, when the next time he would get caught up would be...Worried about everything but the woman sitting next to him. He didn't need to worry, you wouldn't leave, where would you go, he thought.

In contrast, you were bored and it showed, your mind practically empty of thought. A sigh left your lips as you traced the rim of your wine glass. You did love to get dressed up and paraded around town but when you were alone with Hux, what was there to talk about?

"I like that dress on you." He said to you, his fingers still clicking away at his screen. You wondered for a moment if he even knew what dress you had on, if he had even looked at you since he greeted you. Then you remembered that he had told you which dress to wear.

You said nothing, took a sip of your wine, then, "I'd hope so, you bought it."

That caused Hux to stop with the clicking. He glanced over at you and for a moment you thought you had pushed his buttons at the wrong time, that you messed up. Instead, he let out a chuckle, nodding his head. "I have good taste, don't I?"

His response gave you the opportunity to smirk, finally something you could work with even if it wasn't the most thrilling of conversations. Hux caught the smirk, he put his phone away, screen facing down.

"That's why you're with me, right?" You said jokingly.

Then with a frown, "Is there anything I need to know about our dinner guest before he shows up?" You were really asking, is there anything I should be worried about? You never knew what to expect.

One time, Hux had told you it was going to be a casual dinner and within the first fifteen minutes, a gun had been pulled on the both of you.

Hux's expression matched yours, a frown. "Kylo Ren is..." He could talk about him all day, all of the things he disliked about the man. "He's a prick but don't let me scare you. He will probably barely look at you, so don't worry about it."

"I'm not." You lied, leaning forward to give him a brief kiss on the lips. You didn't love kissing him but you didn't hate it. You thought Hux was attractive enough and you needed to get affection somehow.

As your lips met, the silver velvet curtain to the room parted and the waiter entered. The two of you parted, now suddenly worlds apart.

"Excuse me, sir." The waiter said sheepishly, awkward. No doubt, his boss told him to be on his best behavior around this particular table. "I apologize for interrupting but Mr.Ren has arrived."

"Oh," Hux straightened in his seat, he would've pushed you away if he needed to. "Send him in."

The waiter nodded, "Of course, sir."As he rushed back to the other side of the curtain. An other figure entered and took his place. Instead of hovering by the material like the waiter had though, this man walked right through with purpose.

Hux stood to greet him, holding his hand out for him to shake. "Kylo! It's good to see you!" He bellowed, their handshake a little more violent than necessary, as if they were asserting dominance through the power of their hands.

Kylo was calm, collected. He didn't feel the need to overcompensate his feelings. It was fine seeing Hux again but he wasn't thrilled about it, he wasn't going to pretend to be. "Good to see you as well, Hux."

While the two men greeted each other, you had to keep yourself in check. You were not expecting this to be the man that was going to walk in. You had been picturing someone like Snoke, sweaty and slimy. That was definitely not him.

Kylo Ren looked like the man of your dreams...How unfortunate.

You blinked, realized that you were still sitting and staring. You stood up, running your hands along the back of your dress, straightening it.

"This is my girlfriend, (y/n)" Hux presented you like a prize.

Kylo took you in, his gaze practically devouring you, eyes moving from your toes to your face and you wondered if he was going to look you over once again but instead his eyes locked on yours. "It's nice to meet you." He said your name like it was honey. He regarded you as he did Hux, polite and to the point, but instead of grasping onto your hand to assert his dominance, he gently shook it and only for a moment.

"You too." You said, your voice smaller than usual, unsure of your role here now that you saw him.

"I thought I told you to bring a date." Hux said to the man across from him, strained. The three of you took your seats once again.

The waiter made his way back behind the curtain, entering the room, trying to make himself efficient and invisible as he set a glass of liquor in front of Kylo. The color of the liquid was similar to the eyes of the man who ordered it.

A quick nod to the waiter in gratitude, he turned his attention back to Hux's question. "You did," Kylo replied before taking a sip, "I prefer to be alone." This wasn't false but it also wasn't the entire truth. He preferred to be alone when the other option was having to fake small talk with a woman he would never see again after that night. It wasn't worth it to him it would just be more things to worry about. And there was no possibility of a relationship past a one night stand, for the same reason, just more things to worry about. Besides, he wasn't sure what topics they'd be covering tonight, he didn't want just any woman listening in on his business.

There was a beat of silence. Something that Hux had never considered, it seemed foreign...being alone. He was always with someone; you, Snoke, the men that worked for them...Usually the men he met up with for dinner were excited to jump on the opportunity to show up with a young beautiful woman to show off. Hux always hated that he didn't know what to expect with Ren. "Well, I hope you don't mind (y/n) joining, I thought you'd bring her someone to talk to while we caught up."

You felt heat creep up your neck but kept a strained smile on your face. His words reminded you of your place in all of this. To be seen, not heard.

Kylo let out a laugh at the man across from him. "Oh, it's no problem." Then as if he was able to read your mind, "I'm sure she wants to get to know me." Was he flirting? "You can join the conversation, can't you?" His tone was playful, his eyes met yours before passing back to Hux. There was something in his eyes then, recognition of how beautiful that you looked. He was just as taken back by you as you had been with him when he first entered the room.

Hux smiled. He was pleased, that was the response he was hoping for: approval. "Of course she can." He placed a hand on your knee, it was firm.

"How generous of you." You teased him.

Your joke (although not very creative) was enough to break the tension, all three of you letting out an easy chuckle.

"Well," Kylo started, then held up his glass, "Cheers then."

Hux and you followed suit, holding your glasses up to his.

"To generosity." Kylo finished. His dark gaze on Hux held something behind it. A double meaning. Kylo was being generous by choosing to potentially partner up with him instead of just taking him down.

"To generosity." Hux repeated, agreeing with him, catching the double meaning. If looks could kill...

The three of you lost track of how many times your glasses were refilled. There was still a haze of caution in the air but it was less thick with the alcohol coursing through your veins. For the most part, the two men talked business with a few moments of pleasure mixed in but it was just meaningless small talk. If anyone were to walk past their table, they might even be fooled that these were just two friends catching up with each other. That couldn't have been farther from the truth.

Usually you would be bored but you were having a good time watching Hux interact with the man across from him. Kylo was so intense. He was always analyzing what Hux was saying, really thinking about it and processing what the best response would be. It was fascinating....Yeah, you were a grown woman with a crush on a man you knew nothing about.

As if on cue, during a pause in the conversation, Kylo locked his eyes with yours.

"So, what do you do?" He asked your.

In most social situations, asking what someone did for a living was standard. But you weren't sure if anyone had ever asked you that before...It was bold of him to assume you did anything but wait for Hux's next request. You had been told that Kylo would barely look at you, you were surprised he was asking you a question.

You were at a loss for a second, what did you do?

"Oh," You started, "I go to school at Columbia." You said simply, wouldn't want to bore him.

Kylo raised an eyebrow, "What are you studying?" He hadn't been expecting that. He wasn't sure exactly what he had been expecting but he was just making small talk, trying to include you in the conversation for the first time that entire night. He wanted to see how your boyfriend would react to him talking with you.

Hux was tense beside you. Should you really be talking about your personal life to Kylo Ren? That didn't usually happen at these dinners. Sometimes you would be asked where you got your hair done or the men would ask how you and Hux met...but to be asked about your school? Unusual.

"Art." You said lamely then scolded yourself internally for being so inarticulate. You hardly ever got nervous but you were caught off guard by his questions and concentrated stare. "Well, technically I'll be getting an art degree...But I paint."

Kylo was visibly surprised. He did not expect someone like you to be a student and better yet, a student studying something creative. "Really? That's great. What kind of things do you paint?" There was a shift in his tone and body language. For the first time during this dinner, he was interested in what was being said instead of just going through the motions. It was as if someone lit a match behind his eyes.

Hux picked up on this change of energy and gripped his glass tighter, his mind whirring with ways to make sure this benefits him. He had planned for Kylo to be interested in you on a surface level but not like this. He hardly was ever threatened by his girlfriend but he found himself plotting ways to take you down, to get the upper hand again...No one ever said that he was romantic.

You were silent as you thought about how to word your answer. You could just tell him that you paints all sorts of things, people and places, whatever you want to do in that moment. That's how you usually answered when someone like Hux asked (usually followed by a giggle and shrug, to downplay it all). But Kylo did seem actually interested in your answer...Fuck it, you thought, it had been a while since you actually talked about yourself and the wine was rushing to your head. "I like to tell people that my paintings look like they were done by Monet and Dalí's secret love child who did a little too much acid."

Kylo was taken back. It wasn't much but that was the most you had said in the last 80 minutes. He wasn't shocked by your word choice (it took a lot to shock him) but it did peak his interest even more. Hmm, so you had a sense of humor, interesting.

Hux shut his eyes in embarrassment. You were sharing too much about yourself and besides, love children and acid weren't the topics he had in mind. He opened his mouth to apologize for you but was cut off by the man across from him.

"So...Francis Bacon?" Kylo asked with a crooked smile, clearly pleased by your answer to his previous question. He was referencing the first artist he could think of that he thought might fit the description you gave. He was trying to make conversation but really, he was just trying to take a stab at Hux and flex his knowledge.

Hux's eyes shot open. He didn't expect him to respond in a way that wasn't confusion.

The surprise was also evident on your face, a giant grin breaking out on your lips. He actually understood what you meant! "He's one of my favorite artists so that would be a huge compliment...But yeah, I guess so, he's an inspiration of mine-"

"Do you paint too?" Hux cut in, wanting to change the subject. He had no idea who the artists were that the two of you were referencing and he hated feeling like he didn't know as much as Kylo did.

"Oh, no." Kylo shook his head, "I'd have no idea where to start. I do appreciate art, I don't know that much about it though," He then looked back to you, "Do you have your paintings in any galleries?"

You frowned and shook your head, "No, not yet...I haven't really tried, it's not about that for me."

Kylo paused, then, "Well I have some friends who work at the Art Institute...I'm not sure what the process is like or what they have planned but I could put a good word in for you if you ever want to try being featured in one of their rotating exhibits." Kylo explained to you, taking a bite of his food after doing so. An other flex.

You were shocked, "Wow, that would be-"

"I think she wants to be featured in more independent places first, right?" Hux interrupted you. His hand was back on your thigh, not squeezing but threatening. He didn't like that Kylo was stepping in and offering you things that Hux was unable to offer himself. He was actively taking the bait that Kylo was dangling in front of him.

You got the hint. You bit your lip in thought, you would be an idiot to go against what Hux wanted you to do but at the same time, this opportunity...

"Well you don't need to make a decision. I'm not sure my connections would even help you. I just thought I'd throw it out there." Kylo said with an apologetic smile on his face, showing you he sensed that he put you in a bad spot.

"Of course." Hux responded, an almost smug smile on his face at the fact that Kylo seemingly backed off. "She'll think about it." He answered for you, typical.

Kylo nodded slowly, not caring enough to start a fight over it. After a moment, while Hux conversed with the waiter, the dark haired man's eyes went to you. You were pushing your food around your plate but not eating it. Your cheeks were red and you were breathing heavier than before. Really, you were trying not to cry. Kylo's concentrated eyes stayed on you even when you made the mistake of glancing up at him.

You looked embarrassed, ashamed that you were having trouble hiding your emotion and ashamed that you had put yourself into a position where your boyfriend made these decisions for you...mostly, ashamed that Kylo had just witnessed it all. You had been so wrapped up in the moment and then the real world smacked you in the face. You actually had someone asking about you and what you enjoyed. Hux didn't even like the fact that you were going to school.When he met you while you were a sophomore in college, he had asked you to quit, it was still a sore subject.

As quickly as you and Kylo had locked eyes, you broke the contact. Putting your napkin on the table, you stood up, "Excuse me." You managed to mutter before making your way out of the private room and into the direction of the restroom.

Hux barely glanced away from his food but Kylo continued to watch you as you exited, turning his head to do so. You were beautiful, sure, but there was something else about you that interested him. Just from the few words that he had said to you, he had been able to cause chaos between you and Hux. What more would he be able to do?

In this dangerous game that he was getting himself into, you were a weapon. 

Kylo was more than willing to pull the trigger.


	2. Have a Good Day

It was easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle of the city during lunchtime. People of all ages and classes were rushing on the sidewalk, wanting to make sure that they got back to their duties in time when their lunch break was over. Shoulder brushes and awkward glances were the norm, it was what had to be done to get through the crowd.

That's why it wasn't surprising when you ran almost directly into someone as you passed a coffee shop on the corner. It was surprising though, that the person in question was Kylo.

You weren't sure if he looked more gorgeous like this or in the perfectly tailored suit that he had on at dinner. Today he was wearing a loose fitting black shirt that showed off his arms and dark jeans, his long hair tussled from the wind.

"Oh, hi." You said, almost awkwardly. You were usually so articulate and in control, especially around men, but something about Kylo made you almost weak in the knees. It was so stupid, you thought.

Kylo lowered his sunglasses from his eyes, as if he needed to look past them to identify who was speaking to him. As if the tall man hadn't been pacing around the area for the past 30 minutes just so that he could specifically run into you.

After he had dinner with you and Hux, Kylo came to the conclusion that you would be a very useful pawn within this game. Or...you would be useless and either way, it wasn't the worst part of his day to be around a woman who looked like you did. He remembered that you said you went to Columbia and it was nice out. He thought if he walked around the school for enough time, he'd eventually see you. It was a reach of a plan but somehow, it worked, as if he were able to sense that it would.

"Oh look who it is. How are you?" He said casually, shifting slightly towards you when someone ran into him.

It was loud and it was crowded. You squinted at him, "What did you say?" You yelled over the sound of someone telling the two of you to 'move'.

Kylo rolled his eyes, realizing that the two of you were becoming road blocks. He glanced around, locating an empty enough area across the street. He put his hand on the small of your back and tilted his head towards the unoccupied bench under a few trees, wordlessly asking if you'd rather join him over there.

You were astounded but gave a small nod before starting to head in that direction. You noticed that he stayed close at your side, his hand still on your back as you navigated through the throng of people. The contact made your heart race. Men were hardly allowed to look at you because of Hux, let alone touch you, even if it were innocent (or was it?), you weren't used to this. It felt like you were breaking a rule.

Almost instantly it became quiet and calm once you were away from the stream. "I hope you weren't in a rush to get somewhere." Kylo said to your with an apologetic smile, looking down at you.

Where had you been going? You could hardly remember, he was so close to you. You checked the time on your phone. "Oh...No, I have a while before my next class. It's so nice out, I was just getting some fresh air."

There were a few beats of silence between you two. 'What are we doing?' You thought to yourself. It had been surprising to see him but there wasn't anything for the two of you to talk about, it was almost awkward in your eyes.

This uncomfortableness was lost on Kylo. This was exactly his plan and if anything, he was pleased that it had actually worked, that he had actually, literally, ran into you.

"I'm glad that I ran into you, actually" He started as if it were a surprise, "I've been feeling weird about our dinner." He now had your full attention.

"What do you mean? Food poisoning? They make pills that'll help that, you know." You couldn't help yourself. It was a form of self defense to resort to humor when you were uncomfortable, regardless of your audience.

A beat, a smirk from Kylo. He shook his head. "No...I hope I'm not out of line even bringing it up again," He feigned concern, "When I offered you that contact at the Art Institute...I sensed some tension between you and Hux. I've been worried that I caused a fight or something." He told you bluntly. His eyes were calculating, searching your face for whatever emotion you were going to try and hide from him.

You had practice with putting on a poker face, though. Inside, your stomach dropped but on the outside you were calm. "You didn't. Why would that start a fight? You were trying to help." You responded. Your fingers pulled at the strings from your backpack, wondering if it would be acceptable to just run away like you really wanted to.

The motion of your backpack caused Kylo to actually look you over, albeit discreetly. When you were at dinner, you had on a designer dress and heels. Now in front of him, you looked like every other college student roaming the streets. Well...every other college student who Kylo wanted to push against the wall and completely ruin but that was besides the point. He liked seeing you like this, he noted, you were human instead of just an idea.

"You're right...I might've looked into it a little too much..." Kylo trailed off, raising an eyebrow at you.

You shrugged, looking at him only for a moment before turning your attention back on the crowded sidewalk. It was clear that you weren't going to budge.

Grasping for something that would get your attention again, Kylo sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I saw you crying."

Your eyes snapped back to him, your jaw rigid. You opened your mouth to say something but quickly closed it. You wanted to deny it, give him evidence that he saw wrong or give him an excuse. But his unwavering gaze let you know that you weren't going to be able to charm your way out of this. He felt guilty and wanted answers, real answers, you thought.

You sighed and looked back to the sidewalk. You wanted to join the crowd and be swallowed in it again. "Do you..." You started, then questioned in your mind if it was a good idea or not. You already started asking so you continued, "Do you want to get lunch somewhere really quick? I was going to grab something to eat before class started again."

Kylo bit his tongue to hold back the grin that was inching its way on his lips, this was exactly his plan; get you alone. "Sure, that would be better."

Soon, the two of you had coffee and pastries in front of you. There were enough coffee shops downtown that the two of you were able to be pretty secluded, the closest table was far enough away that no one would be able to hear your conversation but not far enough that they felt too intimate. You would've rather be in that mob of people while Kylo would've rather had them by themselves.

You picked at the food in front of you, not eating it. You felt awkward again, what were you guys supposed to be doing? It felt wrong somehow. He had been the one who started the conversation and now he was staying silent. Clearly, he wanted you to be the one doing the talking.

"I wasn't crying." You broke the silence. A lie. A very obvious lie. You didn't know what else to say.

Instead of a response, you were met with Kylo's concentrated gaze. He wasn't touching his food either.

To fill the quiet, to keep it from being any more awkward than it was, you frowned and continued. "Well...You didn't make me cry. So don't worry." You clarified. As if he were worried about making someone cry, ha.

Still Kylo refused to speak. It was a smart tactic on his part. The quieter that he was, the more you would ramble to fill the silence.

You let more time pass than you had before, stirring the coffee in the mug in front of you. "Hux has never seen one of my paintings." You weren't even sure why you said it...it just came out, trying to fill the void.

"He hasn't?" Kylo finally spoke.

You shook your head, chewing on your bottom lip, your eyes down. "I think it confused him that you were asking about them...I saw that he was upset and I don't know, I don't like seeing that." That wasn't exactly a lie but...you both knew it wasn't the truth, not the entire truth anyways. "It was embarrassing. I didn't mean to get emotional."

Kylo said nothing, taking a sip of his coffee while he kept his dark gaze on you. There was an other long moment of silence while the two of you picked at your food and sipped your drinks.

He had been intently staring at you the entire time and when you noticed this, he finally spoke, "Can I see them?"

You froze, "See what?" You asked. He had been staring at you, sort of close to your chest...

He couldn't help but chuckle, realizing what you thought he meant. "The paintings. Your paintings." Kylo clarified, amused. I mean, he was definitely looking at your tits but he wasn't asking to see them.

"Oh." You fumbled over the words, "Sure, I mean....Really?" You asked him in disbelief. You weren't sure why he'd want to see some random girl's art. He definitely didn't seem like the type.

Kylo simply nodded. In all honesty, he wasn't super interested in what your paintings looked like. But the idea that he would have one up on Hux pleased him. Besides, he knew that it meant more time alone with you.

Now that the lunch rush was over for the most part, the streets were less crowded. They were still filled with people but you weren't shoulder to shoulder as you had been before.

"Don't you think it's strange that Hux hasn't even asked to see something you've painted?" Kylo asked you as you two walked down the sidewalk.

You noticed how people watched the two of you, well really, watched Kylo. For those who knew who he was, they were probably in awe to see someone so locally infamous in person. For those who weren't aware of his notoriety, they were taken back by how tall and attractive he was. He stuck out from everyone else. For a moment, you felt lucky to be seen walking next to him.

You shrugged at his question as you rounded a corner. You were almost to your destination. "I don't know. He doesn't like art, I wouldn't expect him to pretend to like mine." You said which caused Kylo to hum in thought. Although your relationship with Hux wasn't perfect, you felt the obligation to be loyal to him and not say anything negative. But god, it felt good to talk about it...Like you were gossiping with a friend at a sleepover. Only this particular friend was fucking Kylo Ren.

You felt isolated most of the time but you knew it was your own doing with the life you've chosen for yourself. Being in a relationship with someone so tightly wound to the mob made it pretty hard to make friends. Hux had to test anyone that you hung around with to make sure they weren't trying to use you for information or hurt you. It wasn't easy to find those friends in the first place, though. Most of the people you went to school with were afraid of you or judged you, they all thought that you bought your way into the school. The only time you spent time with "friends" was when you were with the girlfriends of other mob members. But even then, you didn't want to say too much.

You were now at the building with the school's art gallery in it. The only works there were the ones from students so it wasn't much to brag about but Kylo was the one who asked to see it.

As you two got to the door, you went to open it but instead he reached his long arm out above your head, opening it for you. He was looking down at you in this odd way, like he wanted to devour you. You gave him a small smile, ducking under his arm and entering. Why did that give you butterflies? Damn this man.

A few minutes later, you were both standing in the gallery and you had him follow you in the direction of where your pieces were hanging up. As you watched him look over your paintings, you suddenly became shy. There wasn't any emotion on his face. You shifted on your feet. God, he hated them, didn't he? He was trying to figure out what to say...

"Um, these aren't-" You were about to make an excuse and tell him that these weren't your best work but before you could finish your sentence, he held one of his fingers up to 'shush' you. You listened to his order, shutting your mouth. You watched as he concentrated on them, his eyebrows were furrowed and he had a hand up to his chin in thought.

It felt like hours until he finally spoke but in reality it couldn't have been more than 30 seconds. "They're amazing." He told you, glancing from the wall to you then back.

Your eyes widened, you weren't exactly expecting that. "Oh...Thank you." You said, the shyness still very much apparent.

He was silent again, his eyes still raking over the paintings in front of him. "I mean it." He said thoughtfully.

You were self conscious again, not because you thought he hated them but because it genuinely seemed as if he liked them. You didn't know what to say. You were sure the two of you would sit in silence forever if you weren't the one to break it again.

"Hux always..." You trailed off, shaking your head and chuckling, "Nevermind, I shouldnt." You said, realizing that you were going to be sharing too much information.

This caught Kylo's attention. He looked over at you with a raised eyebrow. "He does what?"

You sighed. "He always calls me an artist," you used a disgusted tone when repeating the word, "like it's an insult." He was staring at you intently. "When we argue...and I cry or I yell at him...He'll just look at me and say... 'Honey, you are such an artist'" You did your best to do an accurate Hux impression and it was pretty good, really.

"Hux is an idiot." Kylo said simply.

You laughed and realized you didn't even correct him. It was like you were gossiping with him. "He hasn't said very many good things about you either." You admitted to him.

This caused Kylo to smirk. He liked knowing that he was able to get under his skin. "I can imagine why."

That statement hung in the air. It was a reminder of who they both were. You could pretend all you wanted that you were just spending time with an attractive man. But really, this was a man who wanted to take your boyfriend down by any means necessary and replace him with someone else. And this man was who your boyfriend fantasized about killing so that he could be the next in Snoke's line instead.

"Especially if he knew what I was thinking right now." Kylo added in a low voice.

You looked over at him to see what he meant by that but he was already moving so that he was standing behind you. Your eyes snapped back in front of you, going rigid at the feeling of his chest so close to your back.

Kylo was towering over you and you felt him bend down slightly so that his lips were ghosting over the top of your ear. "Do you want to know what I'm thinking about?" When you didn't respond, he added, "Hm?"

You couldn't help but shiver slightly at his breath hitting on your skin and the way his tone was almost teasing you. You nodded quickly. Please keep talking, you thought.

You could literally feel him smirking. "Here we are...surrounded by all of this art...and all I think about is how you would look bent over that bench over there," He motioned towards a bench a few feet away.

You felt like you couldn't breathe but you didn't dare stop him. This conversation had turned so quickly and you knew you should be pushing him away but you just couldn't.

"You might be too proud to tell me... but I can just tell that you love to be treated like a whore." Kylo breathed out, "Isn't that right?"

You couldn't reply, you didn't know what to say. Your mouth opened and closed, no sound coming out of it.

He sneakily wrapped one of his large hands around the side of your hip, moving your ass closer to him. You instantly arched into his touch, pressing against him to the best of your ability. This caused Kylo to exhale a chuckle, "Oh, you do." He taunted.

You swallowed hard, "K-Kylo..." You managed to say in a whisper. You weren't even sure why you said it, was it a warning to stop or was it an invitation to keep going? Your heart was pounding so hard you wouldn't be surprised if he were able to hear it.

Hearing you say his name out loud caused him to hum in pleasure. "Fuck, I like the way that sounds, princess." He whispered. He had started this to tease you but now he was just as worked up as you were and it was clear from the hardness you felt pressing against you.

"Think about how loud it would echo in this room...the way I'd make you cry for me...I could just," He ran his hand up from your hip to the back of your neck where he took some of your hair into his hand and tugged on it, "grab your hair like this." He continued to tug on your hair so that your neck was exposed to him. Kylo put his lips just barely against the skin of your neck. "And fuck you until you couldn't take it anymore, you'd be begging me to stop."

You couldn't help the whimper that left your throat. squeezing your eyes shut. "Oh my god." You whispered. Your hand grasped behind you until you came in contact with his thigh, just wanting to touch him.

"You'd love that, wouldn't you?" When you didn't respond right away, he pulled at your hair, "Tell me." His tone was demanding but quiet.

You nodded to the best of your ability with the grip he had on you, "Yes, I-I would love that." You were like a puppet, wanting to do anything to please him.

Kylo moved his lips away from your neck, letting up on his grasp slightly. "Good girl." He praised you. Your knees almost buckled.

"I bet he doesn't fuck you like you want it." He was clearly referencing Hux. "He could never fuck you the way I would...I know exactly what you need. You just need to be someone's good little slut." His hands moved from your hair to the back of your neck. His long fingers wrapping around your neck just slightly from behind, his way of showing you how easily he could use one hand to squeeze you. "Do you want to be my good little slut?" Kylo's lips right up against your ear, practically kissing it.

You audibly moaned out loud, squeezing your legs together. Your hand on his thigh tightened. Before you could pretty much drop on your knees and let him have his way with you, you were snapped out of your fantasy by the sound of people entering the gallery.

You practically jumped away from him and remembered that you had been in public that entire time even if you had been alone. The reality of what you had just done sunk in. You wondered if you would've let him fuck you right there and then. Your poor boyfriend. God, you really were a slut, you thought to yourself.

Kylo barely seemed phased by the intruders though you noticed how he needed to reach down and adjust himself in his pants.

You couldn't even look at him. You were embarrassed and upset with yourself for letting him get to you like that. "I should go. Class starts soon." You managed to say, reaching down to pick up your backpack that you had put on the ground when you first got there.

"I won't forget our talk." Kylo said smugly, referencing how you had openly said you'd love for him to fuck you. You wanted to slap him. "Have a good day."

"You too." You mumbled, glancing around to make sure you weren't leaving anything behind. You started walking away then paused, finally looking back up at him. "Oh, and don't call me princess."

_________________________

That night, when you and Hux were having sex, your mind was anywhere but the man on top of you. You shut your eyes, wondering if this would be how it would feel to have sex with Kylo. You tried picturing it in your mind but it didn't feel real. Kylo was right, Hux didn't fuck you the way that you needed it, the way that he would.

Guilt bubbled in your stomach as you tapped Hux's shoulder before moving so that you were on all fours. Maybe doggy style would help.

"You know this is my favorite view." Hux grinned as he moved behind you. He swiftly entered you, gripping onto your hips.

"Oh, is it?" You asked him coyly, making eye contact with him over your shoulder as he rocked his hips in and out of you.

Seeing your face made him cuss under his breath, his pace quickening. "Fuck, yeah." He put a hand on your back, pushing your front down farther on the bed while making sure your ass was sticking up.

Your mind wandered once again to Kylo...what would he look like taking you from behind? Your face burned at the intrusive thought and you quickly turned your face back around so that you weren't able to see Hux. You felt so bad but you couldn't help yourself after your encounter earlier that day.

He took this as an invitation to shove your face into the bed, thinking you turning around was because you were so into it. His thrusts were becoming sloppy and rushed, "I'm close." He grunted. Your hands gripped the sheets, trying to squeeze these dirty thoughts away from your mind.

Then after a few moments, he finished with a long groan.

"Don't move." He panted, pulling out and making his way to the bathroom to get a towel.

As you laid there on your stomach, waiting for him to return to clean you up, you couldn't help but think to yourself, 'Fuck you, Kylo Ren'.


	3. So Good

Kylo Ren wasn't sure if he wanted to fuck you or kill you. You were driving him insane.

After your encounter with him at the art gallery, he had been walking around all day hard as rock. You hadn't done anything, you had literally just stood there and yet...he wanted you so fucking bad.

He tried to distract himself but nothing worked.

He went to the gym to work out but every time he lifted a weight, he couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to lift you up, up and down on his cock...

He made a big purchase, a new suit, but as he tried it on he couldn't help but wonder what you'd look like undoing the buttons, pushing the material on the floor...

He watched a movie, did some gambling, started a few arguments with unsuspecting soldiers...nothing worked.

It was always you on his mind.

Finally, in one last ditch effort, Kylo decided maybe he should just get out of his mind. He decided to take a few shots of whiskey and do a line or two of coke. It didn't distract him from you at all, in fact, it just made him crazier for you since his thoughts were unfiltered and heightened.

He couldn't take it anymore, he needed release. He knew just who to call and soon, there was a knock on his door.

Kylo almost stumbled to the door, the blood rushing to his head from standing up too quickly. When he opened the door, he frowned at what he saw but let the two women in. "I asked for one." He said to them in a far from friendly tone.

"He thought he would surprise you and send two of us." One of the prostitutes said in what she assumed was a sultry tone. Kylo wasn't in the right frame of mind to even notice her attempt at being sexy.

He shut and locked the door behind the two then looked them over. When he called their boss he specifically asked for them to look like you. He listed all of your physical attributes, practically begging him to find someone who fit that description. It was clear that there was an attempt made but...Jesus, what was he expecting? Your twin? That's what he had wanted.

The two women were clearly uncomfortable at his disapproval, that wasn't the reaction that they were used to. They glanced at each other as if to say, 'should one of us leave?'. But before they could say much more, Kylo was walking back into the bedroom, wordlessly telling them to follow.

"Get comfortable." He mumbled to them, going over to his table to take an other shot and do an other line.

Several minutes later, Kylo was laying naked on his back while the two women were kissing each other, trying to put on a show, as he put on a condom. This wasn't right. This didn't feel like he was with you at all and that had been all he wanted. "There's too many of you." He said, mostly to himself. He looked them over again, deciding one of them looked more like you than the other did.

"You." He pointed to her, "Come here."

She obeyed, moving so that she was straddling him. The other woman moved so that she was laying next to him, not offended, happy to just be able to lay back and watch. They clearly had been requested to do worse before and besides, Kylo was a lot more attractive than most of their past clients. 

"Ride my cock." Kylo told her, nodding as if he were giving her permission.

She didn't waste any time lowering herself onto him.

Kylo groaned at the feeling but winced slightly at her over dramatic moan. It wasn't realistic, not like you. He tried squeezing his eyes shut to keep the fantasy going.

"You like that, princess?" He asked her, gripping her hips that weren't the exact size of yours.

"Fuck, I love it." She moaned, moving up and down on top of him.

Kylo shook his head in frustration, "No, you hate when I call you that." He said through gritted teeth.

She paused her movements, confused. She glanced over at the other woman who offered her a shrug in return. "Um...O-ok." She said, resuming her riding. She let out an other moan as if to fix her mistake.

"Say it. Tell me not to call you that." Kylo demanded. He was grasping at straws, trying to get her to do anything that resembled something you might do.

After a few beats of confusion, she started to understand what was going on here. He was clearly pretending to be with someone else. Not a problem, she thought, happens all the time. "Don't call me princess."

This caused him to moan, tensing up. His eyes squeezed shut even tighter, trying to hold onto the fact that this could be you on top of him.

He was close already because he had been on edge the entire day. "That's right, you aren't a princess, you're a little whore." He was meeting her movements now, thrusting wildly.

Kylo's mood and words were so intense in combination with the way he was moving his hips. She decided to just be silent in fear she would say the wrong thing and shatter his illusion. The two of them moved almost in silence for a few moments. Kylo was clearly in an entirely different world than she was.

"You're my whore...Gonna make you my good little whore...Fuck..." Kylo was repeating things like that under his breath and cussing, his orgasm rising and eventually crashing over him. He threw his head back, imagining that he was spilling all of his seed deep inside of you and not into a condom inside of a stranger.

The woman got off of him and joined the other on the bed next to him. They weren't sure what the next move was. Did he want them to keep going? Was he done?

As if he sensed their tension, Kylo draped an arm across his eyes and said, "Get dressed and you can leave. Your money's on the table by the door."

If the two had been disappointed at all by the lack of interaction from Kylo, when they saw that he was paying them triple what they had asked for, it all went out of the window.

Kylo heard his front door shut, indicating that they were gone. 

He laid there for what seemed like a long time but was really just a minute or two. He opened his eyes for the first time since he laid down there and frowned. That had given him release and a more level head but he still had that craving for you...

He growled under his breath as he made his way to his shower. He took the condom off and threw it in the trash and then stood underneath the warm spray of the shower head. He was staying in a hotel for the time being, since he had just gotten back in the area and was still trying to find the perfect place to permanently stay. Although it was a nice hotel, it wasn't exactly made for him. The shower was too short and he had to crouch slightly to get the water to hit him just right.

That ordeal had sobered him up and now he was just alone with his thoughts.

What was it about you that was making him so obsessed? Although you were drop dead gorgeous, he knew it couldn't be only that. He was surrounded by gorgeous women all day who threw themselves at him.

He realized, he barely even knew you. Kylo couldn't say anything about your background, your likes or dislikes, he wasn't sure if he could even describe your personality since you were always so guarded around him... He cussed out loud, upset that you were stuck in his thoughts and he couldn't articulate why. He usually had so much self control.

As he ran his fingers through his hair to wash out the shampoo, it dawned on him.

It was the look in your eyes...that twinkle that you sometimes allowed him to see.

You made a point to be loyal to Hux and to distance yourself from the corruption of this life to the best of your ability. There was no reason for you to go to school, you could have everything paid for as long as you made your boyfriend happy. You could fuck Kylo all that you wanted, even if Hux found out there was nothing he'd be able to do about it in the grand scheme of things. You could abuse your power that you had from your ties to the mob, show off your wealth. But yet, you didn't.

You tried so hard to be good.

But you weren't good. Not entirely.

If you were truly good, you wouldn't be involved with the mafia at all. You would've never gone to lunch with Kylo or allowed him to seduce you in the way that he did.

You reminded him of himself. Not Kylo but you reminded him of Ben.

He knew you were so close to the edge of being bad, you just needed someone to show you the way. You did try so hard to be good, but Kylo knew he could break that. He shuddered in pleasure at the thought of you giving in to your desires, all because he was the one who assisted you to see it.

It was too much for him. He had a new surge of determination enter his blood stream as he pictured you going from his princess to his queen. Fuck, Kylo wanted to absolutely break you. 

_____________________________

You had never met the president of your college before. You had seen him at various school events and photos on their website but you were far from a first name basis. So, when Dr.Williams sent you an email, requesting for you to come into his office at 2 pm the next day, it was safe to say that you were confused. You weren't nervous, you knew you hadn't done anything wrong but you hadn't done anything...right either? You wondered if he met with all of the students that were graduating soon, the school was small enough. Either way, you knew it was in your best interest to show up the proposed meeting.

You paused in front of his closed office door for a moment, catching your breath from walking up the multiple flights of stairs. It was always harder to do physical activity when you were a little hungover from the night before. Hux had toted you along to an other dinner. This time, with someone as old and sweaty as you had imagined he would be. You spent most of the dinner talking to his date about the best shopping around. Fun wouldn't be the word you'd use to describe it. But oh well, Hux had bought you a new bracelet for putting on a happy face during it so it was worth the small talk.

After knocking on the door, your new bracelet jingling as you did so, you heard a voice tell you to come in.

As you opened the door, you saw Dr.Williams sitting at his desk, which was expected, but what was far from expected was seeing who was sitting across from him; Kylo.

You didn't move from the door, eyes frozen on the dark haired man. What the hell was he doing there?

"Come in, come in!" Dr.Williams cried happily, standing up from his seat. He was a large and inviting man, a Santa Claus type. If it weren't for Kylo being in the room, you would've felt more than comfortable to come in.

"Um-" You were attempting to say something to make sense of this, your hand was still hovering over the door handle.

"I was just giving Dr.Williams that donation that we talked about." Kylo said to her. He had an amused look on his face, noticing how surprised that you were to see him there. He was fully aware that the two of you had never talked about a donation, that you would have no idea what he was talking about. He gave you a discreet wink, as if he were telling you to go along with this. When he came to his realization in the shower, he knew he had to make some big moves to get your attention, to make you question where your loyalty lied. He wanted to show you how good it could feel to get what you want.

You were at a loss. "Oh...Oh, yeah. Right." You stumbled on your words as you stepped inside the office. You shut the door behind you and took a seat at the desk, next to Kylo. You wanted to ask him what he was doing but you didn't want to blow his cover, at least not yet. You at least didn't want to embarrass yourself.

"I'm not sure we've ever formally met," The president started, reaching his hand out for you to shake, "Dr.Williams." He introduced himself, as if you didn't already know.

You gave him a polite smile and told him your name.

You looked from him, to Kylo, then back again, "Um, a donation?" You asked, distracted from the introduction.

"You came in at the perfect time, actually, I was just explaining everything to Dr.Williams." Kylo cut in. You wondered how he always seemed so relaxed, his words were always easy. Inside, that was far from the truth. Kylo's mind was always racing, always analyzing. Although his words seemed natural, the tapping of his foot and clenching of his fist said differently, he was hoping this would go as planned.

"I was explaining to him that me and you recently went to dinner," He started, "And how you mentioned that the art department could use more funding...I decided to go through with putting together that money that we talked about." Kylo lied, not being able to stop the smirk that made its way to his eyes at her reaction. At dinner with him and Hux, after you had come back from the bathroom, you mentioned that the art department was underfunded compared to the other majors at Columbia but he hadn't mentioned making a donation at all or even the idea of doing so. Where the hell was this coming from, you thought.

You hoped that you were putting on a calm face. "Oh that's...that's great." You had no idea what to say. It was happening too fast for you to process the information while also processing the best plan for you. You didn't know if you should call him out on his bullshit or go along with it, but the easier option was to play dumb so that was what you went with.

"But I was also telling him that the only way I'll make the donation is if you allow me to put it in your name." Kylo added, this time overtly smiling in that smug way of his. He was testing you.

You were speechless now. Your eyes flipped between him and Dr.Williams, trying to gauge their reactions to that statement.

"I told Kylo that would be a huge deal for you..." Dr.Williams said, completely unaware of all of the tension and confusion in the air. "25,000 dollars in the name of a current student..." He whistled while your eyes widened at that amount, "That definitely hasn't been done before, not in the last ten years at least. I can't speak on behalf of any of your professors but I personally would find it hard not to get you the best connections possible once you graduate, with that type of generosity."

You felt like you couldn't breathe. Hux would kill you when he found out that you accepted this but you would be an idiot not to take this opportunity for yourself. Dr.Williams was right, this would be a game changer for your future and your paintings. You swallowed hard, looking anywhere but at Kylo. "Wow that's...." You trailed off, you didn't even know what to say.

"Look, I know you might not be comfortable with it..." Kylo said, putting a gentle hand on your knee. The difference between his touch and Hux's almost made you laugh out loud but your shock stopped you. He was bold. "But I really want to do this for you. I want to make the donation anyways but it would make me really happy to be able to put it in your name, to directly help you as much as it's helping the college." His words seemed so sincere...They were fooling Dr.Williams but not you. He had no reason to care about you, you saw right through it.

You practically glared at him, brushing his hand off of your knee. You disregarded him, turning instead to the president across from you. "I'd love to put it in my name." You told him evenly, not even acknowledging Kylo.

Now the shock of the situation was wearing away and your anger was replacing it. How dumb did Kylo think that you were? Did he expect you to kiss his feet after all of this? Maybe he thought that you would break up with Hux on the spot and declare your love for him. Either way, you were offended but that wasn't going to stop you from getting what she could from this situation. If Kylo was willing to pay that much money to get on your good side and upset Hux then you had no problem taking that money from him.

After the three of you went through the process of signing the necessary documents and making small talk, you and Kylo were alone in the hallway. You glanced at him for a moment before silently walking away from him. You knew that if you said one thing to him, it would turn into a million things and you were way too emotional to make the point that you wanted to.

Kylo had been expecting you to be shocked or upset, this wasn't a surprise to him. He followed after you, his legs were practically double the size of yours so he caught up in no time. He said your name, wanting to stop you.

You stopped at the top of the first flight of stairs, turning around to face him once again, making him stop speaking. Your eyes raked over him and his face, overwhelmed by how to respond to him. Then, deciding, you raised your hand and slapped him across the face.

The sound of the smack echoed in the empty corridor.

Your eyes were intense on each other, a red handprint forming on Kylo's cheek.

Chest rising and falling, you broke the tension, "Who the fuck do you think you are?" You hissed.

Kylo's mouth was set in a straight line but his eyes were dancing. He'd never seen you like this before. He loved seeing you so angry.

You interrupted him, pointing your finger at him in frustration, "Actually don't answer that. Don't even fucking speak, it's my turn to talk." It was very rare for you to speak your mind like this. You were so used to biting back your emotions in order not to rock the boat but you were letting loose now.

Kylo wasn't going to argue with that.

"I don't know that much about you...I barely knew you existed before you came back. I go out of my way to stay out of the details of Hux's business. I don't want anything to do with it!" You were trying to control your voice, not wanting anyone wandering the halls to over hear you. "I don't care what you need to do to prove to him that you have a bigger dick and that you're in charge but leave me out of it, okay?" You said this in a mocking tone.

Kylo opened his mouth again to say something but you interrupted him again.

"He's going to hear about this donation that was made in my name and I am going to tell him that you did it behind my back. You won't tell him otherwise." You told him, it was clear that there was no convincing you to hear his side of it.

You took a deep breath, your head was only slightly more level now that you let some of the anger out. You stared at him, inwardly pleased by his clear surprise at your outburst. Your voice was softer now. "I might play the part of the dumb girlfriend to keep him happy but I am far from oblivious. You have no idea what I've done to get to the place that I am now, there is no way in hell I'm going to let you ruin it."

You turned on your heel to walk away from him, descending down the staircase.

Kylo watched after you. His hand rose to his cheek where you had delivered the stinging blow. There was a million things he planned on saying to you after making that donation but you had surprisingly done all of the talking. He couldn't help the slow grin that formed on his lips... You were going to be so much fun to ruin.


	4. Neighbors

If you had learned anything since being around the mob, it was that they would take any little excuse to throw a party. Work hard, play harder.

Hux had told you that there was a welcome back party for Kylo when he first returned but that had been for just the guys. Tonight, they were having a party to celebrate having every member of the 'family' (as they called it) back in the same area. You weren't entirely sure what the difference was but you realized maybe this party wouldn't be filled with drugs and hookers like the last one had been. This time, you were invited. As well as other associates and people involved in the lower levels of the organization. It would be a slightly classier event.

"Can someone zip me?" You held your dress up as you walked out into your main living room. The 3 pairs of eyes that turned towards you belonged to Jessica, Lisa, and Isabel. They were each dating one of the guys who worked for Snoke.The four of you were having a drink together before heading to the party, as you usually did. You didn't know them extremely well. You really only saw them at events like this or if one of them asked to get lunch and go shopping with you. They were nice and fun to have around when you wanted to drink wine but you really had nothing in common with them.

Jessica motioned you over to them and when you were close enough, she zipped up the back of your dress. "You bitch. You always look so good." She said to you playfully.

You rolled your eyes as you adjusted yourself into your dress. It was a pretty blue color and was extremely flattering on you. "I'd feel bad for you if you weren't so beautiful." You told her with a laugh. Then, "Oh, did you still want to borrow those earrings?" You asked, remembering your conversation on the phone that you had earlier.

Jessica's face turned playfully smug, tucking her hair behind her ear to show off the earrings that she currently had on. "Actually, Vicrul just gave these to me before I headed over here." This caused the other women to perk up, wanting to get a peek at them.

These girls weren't always the girls you'd pregame with before a party. When it came to girlfriends, they rotated pretty frequently. Jessica was actually one of the newest editions to the friend group, she had just started dating Vicrul, one of the Knights of Ren, a few months ago.

"I saw on Instagram that he took you out of town for the weekend." Isabel grinned, leaning in to see the jewelry up close.

"Oh my god, yes, he surprised me with a trip a few hours away-" Jessica started talking but you zoned out. It wasn't that you didn't care about her romantic getaway, I mean you guess you sorta did? But really you just had some shit on your mind.

You poured yourself a glass of wine while your thoughts wandered to what had happened the day before when Kylo gave your school 25,000 fucking dollars in your name. Since then you'd received so many 'thank you' notes and emails from various staff, most of them letting you know that if you ever needed anything to contact them. It felt wrong, you had pretty much just bribed the entire college into giving you more connections and favors. But at the same time...you worked so hard, you kind of thought you deserved it.

"Didn't you, (y/n)?" You heard Lisa ask you. Shit, you hadn't been listening.

"Sorry, what was that? I was spacing out." You said sheepishly.

"Didn't you go to that new restaurant a few streets over...what's it called? The Orchard or something?" At her question, you relaxed slightly. Good, you didn't miss anything too serious.

Before you could tell them that you thought the food was a little pretentious, there was a knock at the door. You raised your eyebrow. "Did you guys invite anyone else?" You lived on the top floor of an upscale apartment, it wasn't often that you had unwanted guests.

"Oh, I invited Erica but she's always so late, I didn't think she'd show up." Isabel said with a shrug. You gave her a mirrored shrug back, making your way over to the door to let her in.

The person standing on the other side of the door was definitely not Erica. No, it was Kylo.

Embarrassingly enough, you jumped in surprise, the liquid in your glass sloshing around slightly as you did so. He was the last person you were expecting to see.

Kylo was wearing a very expensive looking and perfectly tailored suit. No doubt, dressed up for the party. Fuck, he looked good. You could even smell his cologne, maybe it was aftershave.

Snapping back into the reality of the situation, you gave him a glaring look. "Are you stalking me now?" You put a hand on your hip to feign confidence, to try and hide how off guard he had just made you.

Kylo ignored your question as he looked you up and down. He let out a low whistle, teasing, "Look at you." He practically purred. As much as he liked you in your college clothes, seeing you so dressed up...You were so beautiful, he thought.

You shifted uncomfortably, rolling your eyes. Admittedly, you did enjoy his compliment but you were more concerned with what he was doing at your door. "What are you doing here?" You snapped. The girls behind you were too caught up in their conversation to notice that there was a man at the door and not their friend. They didn't have a view of the entrance.

Kylo leaned against the doorframe, slowly getting in closer to you. You backed up in response. "Oh come on now, princess, is that any way to treat your new neighbor?" He asked you with a self-satisfied look in his eyes.

You let the nickname go, focusing instead on how he called himself your neighbor. You frowned and glanced down the hall. There was only one other unit on his floor that had been empty the entire time you lived here...Oh god, he wasn't serious? Snoke does own the entire complex...Fuck.

He let his eyes travel with yours, watching the realization dawn on your face which caused him to chuckle. "That's right. Just a hallway away from each other now."

"Oh god." You groaned and shook your head. You couldn't believe your luck. You had told yourself that you were going to do your best to stay away from him. That would be close to impossible now. "I'm moving." You told him. You didn't really mean it. You loved this apartment and besides, Hux had it paid for...or maybe Snoke did for him. Well, either way.

"We both know you aren't." Kylo laughed then upon hearing the laughter coming from the women, he raised an eyebrow at you. "A party before the party, hm?"

"Yes, now leave so I can get back to it." You muttered. You tried your best to shut the door on him but he reached up and stopped it from moving.

"And you aren't going to invite me in?" He asked you, practically leering down at you. You wondered what his view was like, probably right down your dress.

You could think of thousand cuss words you wanted to throw his way but it was too late. One of the women had heard his voice. "That doesn't sound like Erica! Who is it?" Lisa yelled, the wine clearly making her speak a little more high pitched than she normally did.

You tried shutting the door again but Kylo's strength was more powerful than yours and he easily pushed the door all the way open, allowing him to walk inside. You shut the door behind him begrudgingly and took in the way the girls were reacting to him. Like they were seeing a celebrity.

"Um, so...This is, " You were going to introduce him to the group but Isabel cut you off,

"Kylo Ren." She gushed, star struck.

"Oh, God." You mumbled to yourself, rolling your eyes. That would do wonders to his ego.

You realized that this was probably the reason why Hux didn't feel the need to replace you as much as the other guys replaced their girlfriends. Although you benefited from the gifts and financial stability, at the end of the day, you really couldn't give a shit about the inner workings of the mafia. The other women on the other hand, were almost as into it as the men were. They were constantly trying to work their way up the ladder, wanting to date someone who was farther up to Snoke, trying to get the most money and power that they could. You weren't greedy like them, you thought in contempt. Your sudden disdain for your friends definitely had nothing to do with the way that they were fawning over Kylo...Nope, not at all...

Kylo looked like his head couldn't get any bigger. He had a big smug smirk on his face when he noticed the way the women reacted to him. This wasn't entirely new to him but having it occur right in front of you pleased him, like he was showing off for you.

"Well, you should probably get to the party." You said, cutting in, wanting him to get the hell out of your apartment. Were you jealous? Not really. But you were annoyed? Absolutely.

Kylo checked his Rolex, "I have time."

"Stay and have a drink with us!" Lisa said excitedly and the other two nodded in agreement.

"I'd love to but...I wasn't offered one." Kylo replied, looking to you expectantly.

"You're right, you weren't." You said quickly, then noticing the women's surprised looks at how rude you were being, you sighed. As much as you wanted to kick him out, that would just raise suspicion with the women and that would make them want to start digging around between you and Kylo's relationship. You didn't want that, you wanted as much distance from him as possible.

"I just didn't think you'd want to drink sweet wine." You said, motioning towards the bottle on the counter.

"I didn't think you would either." He said in thought. If he had to guess he would've thought you'd like something a little more bitter, darker.

You frowned in thought. You didn't really like the wine but you had bought it because you knew that's what the other girls liked. How could he have guessed that? "You don't know anything about me." You retorted.

Kylo almost responded but Jessica interrupted it. "What about that? Is it whiskey?" She was pointing to a bottle in one of your cabinets that had a glass door.

You wanted to strangle them all and run into your room for the rest of the night. "Hux left that here, it's his."

But Kylo was already walking over to where Jessica had pointed to. He grabbed the expensive whiskey out of the cabinet and started opening more doors to find where your glasses were. "I'll buy him an other one." He said over his shoulder as he poured himself a generous glass.

Now that he had his back turned towards the group, it allowed for the women to nonverbally communicate. They were giving each other looks of excitement and mouthing 'oh my god' to each other.

You watched them in disgusted fascination. Maybe you should've been more excited when you had met him for the first time at dinner. It just didn't feel like a big deal to you. And now that you knew him a little better, you realized he was just an asshole. Sure, he was hot...Well, scratch that, he was really fucking hot. But you'd never give him the satisfaction of 'fan-girling' over him and you were irritated that they were.  
You knew that the girlfriends of the mob sometimes grew up with it. Their dads were associates or maybe a title even a little higher up. They had grown up wanting to be a part of this life and the ultimate goal was to be with someone at the top of the food chain. Kylo Ren standing in front of them was like dangling their dreams right in front of their faces. You shuddered slightly at the thought of basing your entire future around someone like him.

You were surprised that none of them had ever tried to take Hux away from you. Or maybe they had tried and just hadn't been successful. They always treated you with respect and tip toed around you, knowing that your boyfriend held one of the highest titles. As if being on your good side would benefit them in any way. You didn't have a say in anything that went on with the mafia. You couldn't help but wonder how much more respect you'd get if you were dating Kylo Ren...judging by the way that they were acting now, they might start kissing your feet.

Kylo stayed in your apartment for the next several minutes, sipping from the stolen drink in his hand and humoring the women in conversation. You chose to stay out of it, letting your thoughts consume you again. You couldn't process the idea that he would be living down the hall from you. You wondered if he chose that on purpose. Clearly, he knew that you were living there since he made the decision to knock on your door.

"Well...It's about that time." Kylo announced, checking his flashy watch again. It was a little earlier than you usually showed up but you knew the guys normally got there first. You four would leave shortly as well.

The waves of disappointment were pouring off of the women.

You on the other hand, sighed in relief. You walked over and plucked the near empty glass from his hands so that you were able to set it in the sink. Wow, his hands were huge, you noted. You moved your face away from them to rinse the glass out so that they weren't able to see your cheeks heat up at the realization.

"I'll see you all there." He announced to the group which earned some giggles and nods in return. You kept your eyes on the sink but you felt him move right behind you. "Thanks for the drink, princess." Kylo said to you in a low voice.

You swallowed in irritation but stayed silent. You just wanted him gone. The second that the door shut behind him, you exhaled and leaned your back against the counter. The other women instantly broke into excited conversation, talking about how hot he was and how surprised they were to meet him.

_____________________

You didn't love going to these parties but it wasn't as if you hated it, they were fine. Due to your surroundings and the people who were there, you weren't able to let your guard down and truly have an amazing time. You never even let yourself have more than a few drinks at these events because you were nervous that you would end up making a fool of yourself or worse, making a fool of Hux. You had to constantly watch what you said to the other men. It was fun to get dressed up but the party itself was always exhausting.

At some point, after being there for a while, you decided you wanted some fresh air. The party was being held at a bar that Snoke owned. It was rented out privately for the night. Of course, Snoke himself wasn't there. Him and Kylo weren't supposed to be in public together. It was too much of a risk. If both of them were to be killed or put in jail, there would be no one in charge.

As you made your way outside to the empty patio area, you took a deep breath and took a seat at one of the tables. It was quiet out here and you could just sit alone and not put on a show. It was nice.

You even let yourself close your eyes and lean back in the metal outdoor chair. You wondered how much longer you'd be there. Putting on pajamas and laying in bed sounded really nice...

You heard the sound of the door open and shut behind you, indicating that someone else had decided to go outside too. You didn't really pay it any mind, you were comfy.

The sound of a lighter flicking could be heard and soon you were able to smell the familiar scent of cigar smoke as well. You frowned a little, there went your fresh air. The smoke was getting stronger and hearing the sound of metal scraping against the concrete next to you, you realized that whoever was smoking it just joined you at the table you were sitting at.

Your hands gripped the arm rests, 'Please don't be Kylo' you thought to yourself.

"Need some company?" Fuck, it was Kylo.

"No." You said quickly. You opened your eyes and turned your head to look at him. God dammit, he looked good. He must've taken his suit jacket off in the party and now he had his tie loosened and a few of the first buttons undone on his dress shirt. The cigar was in between his fingers and his eyes were directly on you.

"Your friends seemed to enjoy my company earlier." He said in an amused tone.

You rolled your eyes. "No kidding. I thought they were going to ask for your autograph."

He settled into his seat, getting comfortable. "Why aren't you like them?" Kylo asked you vaguely.

You frowned, "Like what? Kissing your ass?" You asked him.

He shrugged in thought, "If that's what you want to call it...You don't seem to care about any of... this." At his final word, he motioned towards the party. You knew what he meant. The Mafia Life.

You thought about it. Did you care? To an extent. But you did hold yourself back from fully embracing it. "I don't allow myself to care about it." You settled on.

"Why not?" Kylo pushed.

You sent him a look. "Personal reasons." You didn't want to get into it. You tried not to think about it and you sure as hell weren't going to tell him of all people.

Kylo chuckled, inhaling from his cigar. "Why be half in, half out?" It was a good question. If you didn't want to embrace the lifestyle, why be involved at all? It didn't seem, at least to Kylo, like you were head over heels for Hux.

"Personal reasons." You repeated, tapping your high heel against the concrete anxiously. Then, to change the subject, "I don't want you coming over to my apartment unannounced again. It makes me nervous."

His lip twitched upwards. "I can't make any promises."

"Well then, don't be surprised when I don't let you in."

Kylo knew he couldn't argue with that. He took an other puff from the cigar. You couldn't help but stare at the way that his mouth moved around it and the way his neck strained when he exhaled the smoke out.

"I still haven't gotten a thank you for that donation, by the way." He said. The look in his eyes made it clear that he was aware this was going to start an argument.

You straightened in your seat. "A thank you from me? You aren't going to get one. I wish you hadn't done it." You wanted to slap the cigar out of his hand.

Kylo chuckled. "Don't act like you're stupid. You know how much this is going to help you. You're graduating soon and now you have an entire staff willing to do you favors. You should've done it from the beginning."

Just as he couldn't argue with your statement earlier, you really couldn't argue with this one. You were upset that he made the donation without talking to you first and it upset you that he just assumed it was something that you wanted. But at the end of the day, it was beneficial.

"It's not like it really matters..." You said softly. You ran your fingers over the metal of the chair, preoccupying your gaze. "Even if I wanted to be a professional painter or something... I couldn't." You left it at that.

You didn't needed to explain, Kylo understood. "Because of Hux." He finished for you.

You said nothing. You didn't want to say it out loud.

"You should start living your own life." Kylo said. His tone was gentle, as if he were thinking about it.

Still, you said nothing. It was something that you thought of from time to time but you didn't really want to discuss it with him. You weren't sure if you wanted to discuss it with anyone.

Kylo used your silence as an invitation for him to keep talking. An other puff of smoke. "You hold yourself back to keep him happy but why?" Silence, "What if he ended it with you tomorrow? You should start taking advantage of what he's able to give you while you have it."

"Stop, I get it." You sighed. He was being honest but it hurt to hear. Although you had been with Hux for almost two years, the evidence showed that women in the mob were replaceable. And really, so was Hux...You stared at Kylo for a long moment. Did he knew something that you didn't? Was Hux going to be replaced soon?

He ignored your request to stop talking about it. "I can give you things too, you know." Kylo said, there was something in his eyes. Desire. "Anything you want. I can give you more than he can."

You were silent. There were a lot of things you wanted from him in this moment, like his mouth on yours, but you tried pushing those thoughts away. It was wrong, everything you were thinking about and talking to him about made you feel guilty. "You need to stay out of my life."

Kylo openly smirked, adjusting himself in his seat so that he was leaning towards you. "I don't think you mean that. You can pretend to hate me but I have a feeling that seeing me is the most exciting part of your day." He was smug, "Do you think about me when you're alone?"

You felt yourself leaning into him, it was like he had you hypnotized. No. You snapped yourself out of it and abruptly stood up from your seat. "Fuck off, Kylo." You hissed. He was right. You were always thinking about him and you hated it. You didn't wait to hear his response. You had to get away from him.

_____________________

You had been back at your apartment for about an hour after you and Hux had left the party. You were still unsettled by your talk with Kylo and you were realizing how much he was able to get to you. It pissed you off. You never let anyone have that much power over your thoughts but yet he seemed to be constantly living there, rent free.

"Is something bothering you?" Hux asked. The two of you were laying in your bed, watching a movie. He was playing with your hair absentmindedly, his arm draped around your shoulders. You two didn't spend that much alone time together. You had good sex with him and you had fun when you were out and about. But spending genuine quality time with him was rare. You were happy to not be alone tonight.

You were surprised he was asking. "Why do you say that?" You frowned.

"You've been biting your nails. You only do that when you're upset." He noted with a knowing smile.

As he said that, you had just been moving your thumb nail up to your mouth to bite it. You paused and placed it back on the blanket underneath you. Damn, he got you.

You couldn't exactly tell him why you were bothered by Kylo. In reality, he was bothering you because you were becoming so obsessed with him. You wanted him, bad, but you couldn't have him. He knew this and he rubbed it in your face all while using you to piss your boyfriend off. It wasn't fair that he was always winning.

You couldn't say any of that out loud but you were sick of hiding your emotions. You could've easily just said you were okay and acted happy and he would've dropped it. But that's what you always did. It was tiring.

"I need to tell you something." You said. You moved so that you were sitting up in bed and able to face him.

Hux was concerned now. He hadn't been expecting you to actually want to talk about it. He moved so that he was leaning back on his elbows, staring at you expectantly.

You toyed with a loose string on the blanket and sighed. "Yesterday, Kylo donated a lot of money to my school...In my name." You glanced up at him to gauge his reaction.

Hux was clenching his jaw, staring at the ceiling. He was pissed.

To most people, this wouldn't seem like a huge deal. Kylo was just trying to help a local college out, right? He might as well put it in your name if he's going to do so. But that wasn't what his act of kindness was. No, the only reason he did it was to make Hux feel inferior. Hux was rich but not 25,000 dollar donation rich. Kylo wanted to look like the good guy and make Hux not only look, but feel, like the bad guy for not making the donation himself. It was a low blow to insinuate that he couldn't take care of his girlfriend. Above all, once the other men found out about it, Hux was going to feel humiliated.

"Please don't be upset with me. I had no idea what to do." You sounded small.

He was silent as he thought it over. "Why are you just now telling me?" He finally said. His voice made it seem as if he were a few seconds away from completely snapping.

You were nervous now. You wanted him upset with Kylo, not you. "I-I don't know...I didn't see you at all yesterday and I didn't want to to tell you before the party..." You were trying to pull something out of your ass to justify it. The truth was you were planning on not telling him at all. And he realized that.

"You weren't even going to tell me now." He said, "I had to ask!"

"I know, I wanted to but-"

"I was friendly with him tonight, too! I thought it was strange...I actually thought to myself, 'wow, for once Kylo isn't acting like a complete asshole tonight'... The entire time he was probably laughing at me!" Hux seethed, laying flat on his back now. He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was mad but you could tell above all else, he was embarrassed.

You joined him in laying down. You were on your stomach, looking over at him. "Hux, I'm so sorry." You were being sincere. "He only did it because he knew it would piss you off. I wasn't sure how to tell you because I didn't want him to think he won. If you would've known before the party, you would've said something to him, you would've started a fight. That's what he wanted." You admitted. You put a gentle hand on his chest which caused him to open his eyes and look at you.

Hux didn't say anything for a while. Eventually he put his hand on top of yours, an act of forgiveness even if he wouldn't say it out loud. Your fights with him usually didn't last long. It would consist of him yelling at you then cooling off and pretending it never happened. That was fine with you.

Several moments passed. He was deep in thought.

"I slapped him." You broke the silence.

Hux raised his eyebrow. "What?"

You couldn't help but grin which then turned into full blown laughter as you remembered it. "When I found out about Kylo's donation, I slapped him across the face. Really hard, actually."

Despite himself, Hux started to laugh too as he pictured it in his mind. He squeezed your hand. "You've always been so loyal to me." His voice seemed far away.

This made your stomach drop in guilt. Were you passionately in love with Hux? Not exactly. But he had been good to you during times when he didn't have to be. You saw how the other mob girlfriends were treated and you knew you at least had it better than them. It wasn't a dream relationship but it was the card you'd been dealt and you knew it could be worse. Up until now you had been nothing but loyal to him.

Suddenly, you felt overwhelmed by how you felt about Kylo. Everything had been going so smooth before he came back. How dare he completely disrupt your life? And worse, act so smug about it? He was always on the back of your mind and you barely even knew him. He was doing it on purpose, trying to take over your thoughts as an added attempt to piss Hux off.

"I hate him." You added, your tone more serious now.

Hux sighed and nodded slowly. "I hate him too, honey."


	5. Vodka

Warnings: There's some drunken sexual activity where consent might be questionable. 

Hux was never an amazing communicator. But he was really amazing at buying gifts.

After you let him know that Kylo had made the donation, he had taken that as a demonstration of your loyalty to him. He was thankful but he wasn't exactly sure how to put that into words. So, instead of struggling to figure out a way to say it, Hux decided instead to buy you tickets to the play you've been wanting to see and take you out for the night.

That was good enough for you. As long as Hux knew that you were on his side and he was grateful for it, it definitely wasn't a bad thing to get a gift out of it too.

The play had been exactly what you hoped it would be, you had a great time.

It had been sold out for a while so the fact that Hux was able to get tickets, especially for such good seats, was amazing to you. He had even arranged for you to meet the cast afterwards which was an almost overwhelming surprise. It was always shocking to see what could be accomplished just by revealing who he worked for.

Your mind wandered back to what Kylo had said to you, "You should start taking advantage of what he's able to give you while you have it". Maybe he was right, you thought. When you were involved with the mob, you were always running on borrowed time.

You and Hux were currently in the back of his driver's car. You didn't mind sitting in comfortable silence, watching the cars that were slowly passing by. You loved being out in the city at night. The lights made everything look magical even if it was far from it. Sometimes you stayed up late at night, just curled up on your couch and looking out of your apartment window.

"You graduate soon, don't you?" Hux asked you. When you turned to look at him, you noticed he had an excited look on his face. Most people would assume that he was putting on an excited front for you, as if he assumed you'd be excited about it. But you knew better. He was being selfish.

You knew that he wished you weren't in school. He had convinced you to quit your part time job when you first starting dating him but you weren't willing to give up your college. It was part of the mafia's culture. The other men looked down on him for having a girlfriend who didn't stay at home and rely on him and his money. It was part of the status symbol, that they were able to comfortably support themselves and their partner. In the other men's eyes, there was no reason for you to be going to school. You knew they probably all made fun of you and Hux for it behind your backs.

You nodded at his question, sighing. "I'm sure you're counting down the days." You didn't mean for it to come out so coldly but it was a deep rooted issue for you. You valued your independence, you hated that Hux deep down wanted to take that from you.

Hux furrowed his brow, cocking his head slightly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Dammit, you thought to yourself, should've kept your mouth shut. "Nothing." You said, a little too quickly. The night had gone so well, you didn't want to ruin it.You weren't in the mood to argue.

The look on his face let you know that you needed to explain yourself.

"I know you hate that I go to school. I'm sure you'll be glad once it's over." You said in a cautious tone.

Hux shook his head, "You always put words in my mouth."

You didn't say anything. He was right, you did do that.

"Why? Why do you always have to assume what I'm thinking?"

"Because you don't talk to me! I have to put words in your mouth for you to have any fucking words at all! Sometimes I wonder if you even like me... let alone love me. You never tell me!" You snapped. You weren't sure why you were so frustrated. Usually you held your tongue...well up until recently. It dawned on you, Kylo Ren was a bad influence. Ever since he showed up you were speaking your mind more often.

Your outburst took him by surprise. You saw a look in his eyes. You hurt his feelings.

"After all that I've done for you... You still doubt me." He muttered, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Our relationship means more to me than dinner and a play." You told him, referencing the night you just had, the only way he showed his love.

"I'm not talking about the fucking play!" Hux hissed. His jaw was rigid, staring at you. You knew he wanted to yell but had too much self control to do so with the driver a few feet away. "Do you forget how we met? What happened on the night that I found you? What I did for you? If it weren't for me, Snoke-"

"Stop! I don't want to hear it!" You interrupted him, practically begging. That was in the past and if you had to relive it again, you'd spiral. He always brought it up when he wanted to hurt you. It worked. "If I knew you were going to hold it over my head for the rest of our relationship, I would've just let Snoke kill me. I'm miserable."

Hux went silent. Your last statement hung in the air, 'I'm miserable'.

Did you really mean it? You weren't sure. Sometimes you were thankful for everything you had but other times, you'd remember what you'd done to get there and all of the things that you were missing out on. You weren't happy but you weren't sad either. You were just existing. That's how you'd felt your entire life, now that you were thinking about it.

No one spoke for the rest of the ride.

When the driver pulled up to your apartment building, you gathered your things up and grabbed your purse. You opened the door and attempted to leave without saying anything at all. 

"Honey-" He tried in a gentle tone. The plan had been for him to spend the night with you. You were going to get breakfast with him the next day. But right now you didn't want to see him, he knew that.

You cut him off, "Thanks for everything tonight." Then you shut the car door behind you.

_______________

You couldn't stop thinking about the past now. Why did he have to bring it up? You did such a good job burying it away. It wasn't fair that he could say one simple thing and it would ruin your entire night, maybe your entire week.

The first thing you did once you got into your apartment was change out of your dress clothes. You knew you'd be alone for the rest of the night so you decided on a comfortable t-shirt and fuzzy socks. When Hux spent the night you always made it a point to wear cute lingerie pajamas. Fuck that, you thought.

You put on a TV show to distract you and when that wasn't working, you decided to bring out a bottle of vodka as well. Which was...sort of working. At a certain point, maybe it was after the third shot, you even started enjoying yourself. You had some music on and you were dancing around your apartment. You never really just let yourself have fun like this and it felt good.

After dancing around for about a half an hour, you sprawled out on the couch. You were out of breath, that was basically a work out. And now that you were just laying there in silence, you started to feel a little lonely. Well, you were drunk so really you were just feeling horny and bored.

You grabbed your phone and had every intention of calling Hux. You could apologize and ask him to come over to fuck you. But even in your drunken state you knew that would be a bad idea.

Then, an idea popped into your head that caused you to mischievously laugh out loud. You had almost forgotten all about your new neighbor. Kylo was just down the hall!

If you had been sober you would've realized that seeing Kylo was a much worse idea than just touching yourself or calling Hux. But after the amount of vodka you had just drank, this seemed like an amazing idea.

In no time, you were practically skipping down the hall and knocking on his door.

He wasn't opening the door quick enough so you frowned and knocked again, this time a little more powerful.

With your hand still held up in the 'knocking' position, the door opened to reveal Kylo standing there. It was dark in his apartment, you couldn't fully see him. Or maybe that was just the booze making it hard to see... Who knew?

"Are you lost?" His low voice rang out, you could hear the smugness. He didn't seem surprised to see you there. As if it had been a matter of time before you ended up at his doorstep.

"I don't think so." You said, "This is the crazy house party everyone's talking about right?" You moved so that you could step in through the entrance, noting the way your body brushed against Kylo's as you did so. He shut the door behind the two of you.

It was dark in his apartment, he must've been in bed before you knocked because the only light that was on came from inside his bedroom door. You tried to look him over in the dark, you were able to get glimpses of him. You noticed he was wearing sweat pants and for some reason that made you laugh to see him in something so informal.

"What?" He clipped, he didn't like that he wasn't in on the joke.

"You're wearing pajamas." You said which caused you to laugh again.

Kylo realized now what was going on, that you had drunkenly walked over here. "You're wasted." He said, amused, "And you aren't wearing pants."

You had forgotten about that. Your t-shirt was long enough to cover your butt but you still pulled it down anyways in embarrassment.

He was moving in on you now, hovering over you. He felt satisfied that you had chosen to come see him while you were in your drunken state. "Naughty little thing, hm?" He purred, pushing your now messy hair away from your face, "You couldn't help yourself from coming down here to see me in just your underwear."

You clenched your thighs together. "Can you turn on a light?" You asked, trying to distract the both of you from the sexual tension. You could tell Kylo rolled his eyes at your request, you were trying to interrupt him. "I want to see you." You added, almost embarrassed. Kylo didn't make any moves to turn on the floor lamp next to you so you decided to reach over and do it yourself.

Now that you were able to see him in the light, you inhaled in surprise. Not only was he shirtless (which was a nice surprise) but he was also clearly injured. Your eyes ran over his bare chest, noting the bruises that covered his skin. His knuckles were bandaged up and by the time you made your way up to look at his face, you saw the deep cut that ran from above his eyebrow, across his cheek, and onto his neck, held together by some medical tape.

"Oh." You said lamely. That had taken you by surprise, you weren't sure what to say. He was always so put together in his expensive clothes and cocky attitude. Seeing him in just a pair of average sweatpants and visibly hurt made your stomach twist. He looked so...normal. It was weird and it felt too intimate somehow. Even as drunk as you were, you began to question whether it was a good idea to come here. You weren't sure why you even came here, really. You had been horny and the thought of having someone you wanted so badly down the hall from you was too much for you to handle.

Kylo said nothing. He turned away from you now, walking over to his kitchen, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. "You need water." He said to you quietly then handed you a glass of it.

Getting injuries wasn't strange to him, it happened a lot when deals went wrong. This particular instance had been different...he had been betrayed. You were lucky you didn't wander over right when he got home and was still furious about what happened. He wondered if you had heard him destroying things in his apartment. Hopefully you wouldn't notice the hole in the wall, hence the bandaged knuckles.

You would've loved to tell him no to his offer of water but in this instance, you agreed with him. You already started to get a headache from consuming only vodka over the past hour. You tried to hold your tongue but now that he was close again and you could see how bad his injuries looked, you had to ask. "What happened?"

"It doesn't concern you." Kylo said almost instantly, he had been waiting for you to ask and he was honestly surprised that you hadn't done so right away.

You frowned, taking a long drink from the cup in your hands. The thought of Kylo buying things like cups and silverware almost made you giggle again but you were able to stop yourself, sensing that he was in a bad mood.

"Are you okay?" You then asked.

"What do you think?"Kylo asked, regaining some confidence since you were demonstrating you were worried about him.

You rolled your eyes, point taken. "Whatever." You muttered, you wished you wouldn't have asked.

His lip twitched upward for a second as if he wanted to smile but it didn't stick.

You started drunkenly wandering around his apartment. You had the urge to be nosey, who else could say that they creeped around Kylo Ren's apartment? Your favorite thing about your apartment (and now his) was the the fact that the entire wall in the main room was a window that overlooked the city. You were high enough up that you had your own privacy but being able to see out onto the busy streets especially when it was all lit up, always amazed you. The layout of his apartment was identical to yours but he had his furniture set up differently. The basics were set up like a couch and some chairs, a table. But most of his things were still in boxes. You paused at a stack of various sized safes.

"What's in here?" You asked, pointing to one.

Without missing a beat, Kylo replied, "Guns."

No big deal.

"Hm," You mused, pointing to an other, "What about that one?"

Kylo was amused with you again, "Cash. Are you going to rob me?"

You laughed and finished your water. "I might." You teased, then pointed to an other, as if to ask the same question.

This time he shook his head, his eyes were still amused but his face was serious. "Careful, princess." He warned. You understood and stepped away from the safes. You didn't want to start asking things that you didn't want to know the answer to.

Kylo made his way over to you to take the empty glass from your hands. His hands brushed against yours while he did so and it made him clench his jaw. Having you alone in just your underwear was really testing his self control. If you weren't drunk he would've thrown you onto his bed already. He went back over to the kitchen to refill it for you.

You noticed that he must've started unpacking a cardboard box full of books, some of them were already on the bookshelf but there were still a good amount in the box. You took a seat on the ground, in front of the box of books. You tried to imagine him laying on the couch, a book in his hand. Maybe he'd turn on his fireplace and play some music, a comfortable blanket...The visual gave you butterflies.

You recognized a few of the titles, a few of them you'd read yourself, others you'd never heard of. You paused when you saw a specific one that was still in the box. It was a children's book. You weren't sure if you had ever read it when you were young but you knew what it was. Intrigued, you picked it up. Why would Kylo have this? He didn't seem like he would be sentimental but again, the thought of him choosing to keep something from when he was a kid made your stomach flutter.

Flipping through the pages, it was clear that this had been a well loved book. The pages were torn in some places and the worn color indicated its age. There were doodles in the margins, mostly in crayon. As you got to the front of the book you saw that the first blank page had writing in it. 

'Belongs to: Han Solo' is what the child-like writing had said, written in blue ink. Then, in red ink, 'Han' had been crossed out and the name, 'Ben' was sprawled out underneath it, equally as childish.

Your eyebrow furrowed in confusion. Maybe this hadn't been his book after all. Why would he keep someone else's childhood book, though?

Kylo was walking up behind you, a full glass in his hand. You quickly shut the book and put it back in the box, picking an other one up instead, as if you had been looking at that one the entire time. You weren't sure why but you felt like you weren't supposed to see that one in particular and you didn't want him to know you had.

"I didn't know you could read." You joked with him, trying to brush off the nervousness that you were now feeling. Maybe those names weren't even connected to him, maybe they were written in there before he got the book as a kid. Who knew? It could be anything and most likely, it meant nothing. But still, there was something in the back of your mind that knew it was important.

He didn't reply to your jab at him and you were sure that he saw you switch the books and was going to question you, but instead you felt a cold stream of water over your head. "Oh!" You gasped before you started laughing, moving out of the way. You looked up at Kylo to see him tilting the glass back up so that the water stopped falling with a smirk on his face. He then slid down the wall next to you, surprisingly joining you on the floor as he set down the glass next to you.

You shivered, feeling an ice cube that had fallen down the back of your shirt. You shimmied it out and threw it in his direction, still laughing. He hadn't gotten you totally wet but there was a small spot on the back of your neck and shirt.

Kylo caught the ice cube that you threw at him easily and tossed it in the direction of his kitchen where it landed with a 'pang' into his sink.

"Asshole." You grumbled and put the book back into the box. You hastily pulled your shirt down. When you had gotten the ice cube out, it had ridden up just a little. You wondered if he noticed.

Of course, he noticed. Although it was now covered up by the material of your shirt, Kylo's eyes didn't leave the spot of your skin that had been exposed, the side of your hip where he was able to see the side of your underwear. "Black?" He asked with an eyebrow raised.

He was talking about the color of your underwear. You nodded slowly. Did someone just turn the temperature up in this apartment? You felt like your cheeks were on fire. "Yeah. Black." You answered, biting the inside of your cheek.

His eyes went up to your face now, interested in seeing how shy you were getting. It was so strange to him, he never knew what to expect from you. You could go from almost over confident to bashful within a matter of seconds. He knew it all had to do with you not letting yourself give in to what you wanted. Kylo knew you could be the confident version of yourself at all times but you forced yourself to overthink and be humble. He wanted to break you of that habit. "Let me see." He told you in a gentle but firm tone.

You swallowed hard. Up until now things had been innocent enough. Although you knew you weren't supposed to be there, you weren't doing anything wrong, at least that was how you were justifying it to yourself. But now that you were sitting there about to show him your underwear, you knew the line had been crossed. In this exact moment, you didn't care. "They aren't that cute. I didn't think anyone was going to see them." You told him.

Kylo let himself laugh a little at that. The fact that you thought the 'cuteness' level of your underwear would upset him was funny. He wanted to fuck you so bad, he couldn't give a shit about what the underwear themselves looked like. He just wanted to see you in them. "Let me see." He repeated himself, he was pushier now, getting impatient.

Despite yourself, you found yourself standing up. If you were going to pull your shirt up for Kylo, you were going to do in the way that you looked the best which wasn't sitting down, hunched right next to him.

His eyes were completely concentrated on you, he hadn't been expecting you to do that. He assumed you would just joke around with him, barely pull your shirt up and move on. He was sitting with his back against the wall, his legs straight out in front of him. You moved so that you were standing over him with your feet on either side of his knees. He put his hands around your ankles. He wanted to touch you but he also was holding you in place, he didn't want you to get nervous and sit back down.

The feeling of his hands wrapped around you, even if it was just your ankles, made your heart speed up. You tested the feeling of doing this, slowly lifting the side of your shirt that had ridden up before. You moved it so that the entire side of your hip was exposed showing your black underwear and the lace that was along the top and bottom edge.

Kylo's eyes trailed from his hands on your ankles, to your leg, up to your hip. He took a deep breath when he saw how much of you was exposed. If he was on the outside looking in on this situation he would've laughed at himself. He had seen so many women naked, why was he so enthralled by seeing the side of your hip? It was because it was you and you were doing it for him so willingly. "More." He urged you.

You bit your lip. Normally you would've stopped by now but the way he was looking at you was turning you on. He was so powerful but yet here was, literally underneath you with all of his attention on you and practically begging. It made you feel powerful. It was intoxicating. You kept your eyes on his gaze as you lifted your shirt up so that you had exposed the skin all the way up to your belly button.

His breathing was becoming ragged. He nodded at you, wordlessly urging you to keep going.

You decided that instead of lifting your shirt up a little more in the same painfully slow pace that you had been, you lifted the entire thing over your head. You let it fall onto the ground next to his legs.

You were now standing on top of him in just your bra and underwear. Your heartbeat was pounding in your ears. Your mind started to wander as you stood there, did he like what he saw? The look on his face answered that for you.

Kylo hadn't expected you to take your entire shirt off, that wasn't even what he was asking you to do but he was so god damn glad that you did. He gripped your ankles tighter. His eyes were focused on you but they were dancing all over your entire body, not sure where to even look because he wanted to take all of it in. "You're so fucking beautiful." He practically growled, "Come here." He squeezed your ankles, telling you to get down closer to him. He wanted to touch you, he needed you closer.

This power over him was going to your head and you didn't follow his order. Usually when the two of you talked with each other, he had the upper hand. Right now it felt like you did. "But you haven't seen the back of them." You feigned innocence.

Kylo's eyes grew devious as he came to the realization that you were toying with him. He liked that. "Mmm, turn around." He said in agreement, letting go of his grip so that you could move.

You slowly turned on your heel, positioning yourself so that your back was facing him. You then looked at him from over your shoulder as you ran your hands from the backs of your thighs, over your ass and then rested them on your hips, your fingers hooking into the waistband of your underwear. "What do you think?" You practically batted your eyelashes at him.

Kylo was speechless. He couldn't help but reach out and touch your legs, starting at your calves and working his way up to your lower thighs. His hands didn't go any farther, he didn't forget how drunk you were. It wasn't exactly based on morals, he was far from a moral man, but it really had to do with the fact that he wanted you to give yourself to him when you were sober. It would be so much better for him to have you submit when you knew what you were doing.

"You have the best fucking ass." He finally said and you realized he had only been staring at it and nothing else since you turned around. "You're gorgeous."

You grinned at his approval. He was serious.

He made eye contact with you and his eyes narrowed in lust. "Come here." He said again. His tone wasn't as pushy as he had been before, it was seductive.

You didn't need to be told twice. You moved so that you were facing him then lowered yourself so that you were straddling his lap. His hands were quickly at your hips, squeezing you there which let out a sigh from your lips.

"You already know how gorgeous you are." He said in a teasing tone, he couldn't help but stare at your body and the way that you looked on top of him. "You've seen the way I look at you..." Kylo looked up at your face then back down at your body, "The way that all the men look at you...You should hear the things they say about you, how badly they want to fuck you...All of the filthy things they'd do to you if they had the chance..." He was fantasizing now, picturing how you'd look getting defiled by him and his Knights.

You whimpered at the thought. The Knights of Ren were attractive and the idea that they thought about fucking you made your head swim. From the growing hardness you felt from Kylo, he clearly liked the idea of it too.

"I knew you'd like that." Kylo breathed, "You're such a slut."

At any other second of the day, you probably would've slapped him for saying that but in the position that you were in now, all it did was send a wave of arousal straight to your core. You couldn't help but grind yourself against his erection which caused you both to moan. The both of you were practically panting.

You were staring at him, taken back by how beautiful he was this close up. While continuing to move your hips against his, you ran your fingers gingerly across the bruises that littered his chest. He was staring at you, concentrated. It was so hard for him not to take control and fuck you right there.

You moved your fingers up to his face. You didn't touch the painful mark that was across his cheek but you ran your fingers next to it. It was a deep cut, it was going to leave a scar. You paused when your touch got to his lips. Fuck, you wanted to press your lips against his so badly.

Kylo took your hand that was against his lips and held it in place. Then, dark eyes connecting with yours, he slipped two of your fingers into his mouth. You stared at him in awe as you watched him suck on your fingers, maintaining eye contact with you. Your mouth fell into a low 'O' as you sighed in pleasure, feeling the way his warm tongue run over your skin.

Then, Kylo took your hand and moved it from his mouth, to your lips. "Open." He told you breathlessly. You obeyed, opening your mouth and taking your own fingers into it. He didn't need to instruct you, you quickly started sucking on your own fingers, lapping up the saliva he'd left behind.

He was watching you intently, his eyebrow furrowed together and his mouth parted in focus. "Do you like the way that I taste, princess?" His voice was low, practically a growl.

You couldn't help the pleading whimper that escaped your mouth as you nodded, yes. You were a mess for him.

At your reaction, he groaned, eyes fluttering. As much as he enjoyed it when you were bratty and defiant, he did love this desperate side of you as well. He was really squeezing your thigh now and you realized there would be a bruise.

A bruise...your rhythm against his hips faltered as you thought about the implications of this. He was leaving behind evidence for Hux to find later. The idea dawned on you, was he doing this just to get at Hux? Maybe he didn't even want to touch you, it was just part of his plan...Your head spun from the alcohol and from the rush of sudden embarrassment.

Kylo could sense this hesitation and he removed the fingers from your mouth. "What is it?" He asked you. As you thought of how to answer, he began sucking on your same fingers again, as if to taste you as well. You shuddered in pleasure, watching him.

"I..." You started but trailed off. You were still very drunk and his actions were distracting you from piecing together your thoughts. You had wanted this so badly but if you had been sober, would you have it let it get this far? You thought back to the time in the art gallery when you probably would've let him fuck you on one of the benches...You had been sober then.

Kylo understood now and he released his grip of your hand, letting you pull away from his mouth. "It's time for bed." He agreed breathlessly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. You didn't need to say it out loud, he understood what had happened. He had taken it too far himself, he thought.

Was it his intention to upset Hux? Partly yes, but also, he wanted you for his own selfish reasons. He didn't realize that you were questioning that. He assumed you were just regretting letting your guard down around him.

You started to make your way off of his lap but before you could do much moving, Kylo 'tsk'ed you under his breath. Then, he easily picked you up and tossed you over his shoulder, grabbing your shirt off of the ground in the process. "You aren't going to puke on me, are you?" He asked you. Even if you thought you might, he was already moving towards the door and into the hall.

"Hey!" You protested, slapping whatever body part of his was closest to you, which happened to be the back of his thigh. Good thing he wasn't injured there. "I'm naked!" You whined. Technically you had your bra and underwear on but, whatever.

"Stop. It's just us, I've already seen you." You could hear Kylo say. You couldn't tell from his tone if he was annoyed or amused or maybe a combination of both.

Luckily, in your drunken rush to get to him, you had left your door unlocked so he easily pushed it open. It was a good thing that there was security in your building and everyone knew better than to wander up to the top floor because of who you were. And especially now that Kylo was there.

As he entered your apartment, he knew exactly where to go since his was set up the same way. So it was no surprise when you felt your back comfortably fall against your mattress. You sighed, glad to be around something familiar after everything that you had just done. You wished that you could just sink into the mattress and let it swallow you.

Kylo then left the room. You assumed he went back to his apartment without saying anything so you let out a sarcastic, "Bye." Before turning and shutting your eyes. You were exhausted. You had a long day. Your date with Hux had been tiring in itself, including your fight with him. But then when you coupled it with reliving some past trauma, getting drunk, and then almost having sex with Kylo...You were barely awake now that you were in your own bed.

You heard some rustling in your kitchen and then Kylo entered your bedroom again, this time with a few things in his hand. He set them on your bedside table. A glass of water, a granola bar, and a container of pain reliever pills for your inevitable headache tomorrow morning. "Get up, get ready for bed." He told you.

You yawned, "I'm ready." You said, as if it were obvious. You were going to fall asleep any minute.

"Do you usually wear make up to bed?" He asked and you said nothing, cursing him in your head. "I hope you brush your teeth." He added. It was clear now that he was more amused than irritated but his patience was low. He was just as exhausted as you were but he couldn't help but take this opportunity to see you in such a vulnerable state.

You whined, kicking your feet a little as if you were throwing a tantrum. He was right, you should do both of those things. You felt him scoop you up and off of the bed, carrying you over to your bathroom that was attached to your room. You could tell he was laughing a little from the rumbling in his chest that you were pressed against.

Once you were in the bathroom, he set you down on the stool that you kept in there to sit and get ready at. When he knew that you were situated enough on it that you weren't going to fall asleep and fall over, he started rummaging through your cabinets. You weren't sure how he knew exactly what to grab but he ended up finding your make-up remover wipes, face soap, and a washcloth.

Kylo opened up the package and handed you a remover wipe. You grabbed it from him and tossed it back on the counter. You were being difficult. "Just take me to bed." You sighed.

He couldn't help but laugh again. "You're such a fucking brat." He said, more to himself. He picked up the wipe and took matters into his own hands. He began wiping your face, taking all of your make up off. When you attempted to swipe his hand away, he just wiped your face harder as if it to warn you to knock it off. He grabbed your chin to hold you in place, "Don't make me hurt you." He said softly but had a faint smirk on his lips.

You decided to just give in and let him take care of you. As much as you hated to admit it, you thought it was adorable. Kylo Ren, a notorious mafia member, was helping you with your nightly routine. You couldn't help yourself from opening one eye to peek at him as he did so. He was concentrated, his eyebrow set in a fine line as he did his best to get everything off. He was bent over so that he was at your level. He was so much taller than you. You shut your eye quickly, not wanting him to notice in case he would get embarrassed and stop helping you.

For the next several minutes, he helped you through all of your nightly tasks, even brushing your teeth. You were sure that this was a dream. You'd never seen this side of him. It wasn't that he was being exactly caring, you wouldn't call it that, but he was far from his usual cocky and manipulative self. It was strange. Which side of his personality was the real one?

By the time that he deemed you ready to go to sleep and carried you back to your bed, you were practically asleep in his arms. Your comforter was pulled up around you and you drifted off... you could've sworn you felt his lips press against your forehead.


	6. Hangover Cure

Warnings: Slight dubcon. 

When you woke up the next morning, you felt like you had been ran over by a train. Not just because of your hangover but also because of everything that had happened the day before.

You knew that you fucked up by doing what you did with Kylo but did you regret it?

You thought about your answer to that question. Guilt rose in your throat when you realized your answer... You didn't regret it at all.

Your head was pounding and the darkness of your bathroom was a welcome relief. You were running a bath, hoping that would help with the hangover. It was pretty cozy in there, really. The lights were off and you had a few candles going, lots of bubbles in the bath water, and you had some soft music playing as well.

Lowering yourself into the water, you let out a sigh. It was already helping. You pressed the button that turned on the jets of the jacuzzi and the bubbles multiplied as you did so. You let yourself relax completely, shutting your eyes and leaning the back of your head against the bath pillow you had attached to the side of the tub.

You had a lot on your mind and you tried to distract yourself by thinking about the plans that you had for the day. There really wasn't much for you to do besides the dinner you were supposed to go to that night. You weren't entirely sure who all was going to be there but you knew it was a bigger event than just a few people. And there went your distraction because your mind wandered to Kylo, wondering if he was going to be attending. Probably.

With a groan, you turned the music coming from your speaker up a little louder, anything to distract you.

You shut your eyes again and you felt yourself drifting off. The warm water was soothing and it was nice to pretend that the temperature of the water was the only thing that you needed to worry about.

You had been so relaxed, in fact, that you were only snapped out of it when your music abruptly turned off. You sighed, assuming the speaker died.

When you opened your eyes, you couldn't help but gasp when you saw Kylo standing directly over you. How long had he been there?

"What the fuck!" You yelled, your hands instantly covering yourself up though it was of no use because the bubbles covered everything anyways. You quickly turned off the jets of the jacuzzi, so you could hear him better.

Kylo just smirked, not moving an inch. "Did anyone ever teach you that it isn't safe to fall asleep in the bath tub?"

You gaped at him in shock. He had really scared you.

"You left your keys in my apartment last night." He then said, holding them up to you, dangling from his finger. You noticed that he was wearing black leather gloves. In fact, his entire outfit was black. You'd never seen him like that before. Did he have on a bullet proof vest? It was hard to tell in the darkness of the room.

"Did anyone ever teach you to knock?" You mocked his first question to you. Now that the initial shock was wearing off, you were just upset with him for waltzing in knowing it would freak you out. "You could've just left the keys on the table." You added.

"What fun would that be?" He asked but he was distracted. You watched as he practically paced around your bathroom. He was anxious which was odd because in this situation you were the one who should feel nervous. He had been on his way to an important mafia deal when he remembered he still had your keys. He felt nervous and unsure about the deal he was about to walk into and he hated that. He needed to use you and make you weak, to make himself stronger.

"Well, shit, make yourself at home." You said sarcastically. You were still very much aware of the fact that you were just laying there naked even if it was something he wasn't acknowledging. You eyed the towel you'd gotten out for yourself and wondered if it would be worth it to get out and wrap it around yourself.

Kylo took your sarcasm seriously. He leaned his back against the counter of your sink and folded his arms across his chest. He was biting the inside of his lip as he stared at you, clearly thinking of something else. "I don't have much time, I have to leave soon." He told you finally.

"Please do." You were exasperated. For someone who seemed to take his privacy very seriously, you thought it was ridiculous that he was constantly invading yours.

"So you're going to have to cum quicker than I'd normally want you to." Was his next, matter-of-fact statement.

You thought you heard him wrong. "Huh?"

Kylo said nothing, you had heard him correctly.

Instead of speaking, he unzipped his jacket and pulled something out, setting it on the counter next to him. You strained your eyes in the dark but you were able to see what it was.

"Is that a gun?" You asked him. You thought you might have a heart attack with the way that he kept surprising you.

"Just getting comfortable." He said cooly in response, patting the spot of his jacket that he had pulled it out from.

You were at a loss for words. Kylo acted as if he didn't notice how taken back you were.

"I don't have all day." He drawled, gloved fingers tapping on the counter next to his weapon. The confusion on your face made him roll his eyes. "Come here." He told you, motioning his head to the spot in front of him.

"What? No." You said, frozen in place in the bath tub. What the fuck?

Kylo kept his eyes on you but his fingers ran over the marble until he reached his gun. He didn't pick it up but simply placed his hand over it. You exhaled in disbelief. He was threatening you.

You should've felt angry and/or terrified. But you felt different. You were turned on. You wanted to slap yourself for feeling this way, what was wrong with you? But you couldn't help it. Kylo had pretty much broken into your apartment and was now threatening to hurt (or kill?) you if you didn't come out of the bathtub and let him do what he wanted with you. You should be yelling for help or reaching for your phone to call 911 but yet, all you wanted to do was fuck him.

You swallowed hard and slowly lifted yourself up from the bath tub. It was dark enough that he wouldn't be able to really see you from as far away as he was but you still grabbed for your towel and wrapped it around yourself the second that you stepped out of the water.

Kylo shook his head and made his way over to where you were standing. His footsteps practically echoed in the room. "You know better than that." He told you, almost disappointed. Then, he grabbed the towel and pulled it away from you, leaving you naked and dripping with water in front of him.

You looked down at your feet, at the puddle that you were making on the floor. You were naked while he had more clothing on than you had ever seen him in before. You felt extremely vulnerable and it was making you horny.

He dropped the towel on the floor then walked back over to the sink, where his gun was still sitting. 

You followed, unsure of what else to do.

Kylo noticed this and hummed in approval. After you had been to drunk to do anything with him last night, he knew he had to have you the second that you were sober. This second just happened to be first thing the next morning and right before he was meant to leave. He only had time for so much but he was going to make it count.

"Hands on the counter, spread your legs." He told you as if he were just giving out directions on something simple like turning the light on.

You hesitated for a moment but after feeling how close he was to you, you willingly obeyed. You were his puppet right now. For a few moments, he did nothing. He just stood there and stared at you in this position. Naked, body dripping wet, and waiting for his next command.

He noticed that your eyes wandered back to his gun which caused him to chuckle darkly. He picked the gun up but didn't position his hand so that his fingers could reach the trigger, he was simply just picking it up. "Does this turn you on?" He asked you almost mockingly.

You couldn't even look at him, you were embarrassed.

When you didn't answer him out loud, he started running the barrel of the gun along your wet skin. You shivered from a mixture of nerves and pleasure. "Oh, I think it does." He hummed, running it up and down your spine. He stepped behind you, the side of the barrel still pressed against your back as he ran his gloved hand along your ass.

You gripped the edge of the counter top, arching your back into his touch. This was so wrong. You loved it.

Kylo bent down so that his hands were still in the same spots but he was able to hover his lips above your ear. "I am going to make you cum," His tone was low and even, "With this gun pressed against your skin because I know that's what you want." He was taunting you.

You were breathless, you had to shut your eyes so that you wouldn't feel so ashamed.

"Say it." He urged you, pressing the gun harder into your flesh.

You hesitated, trying to find the words, your mind was somewhere else. "I...I want you to make me cum...With the gun against me..." You felt so small.

Kylo smirked in approval, "Good girl." He smacked your ass, "Good fucking girl."

You jumped at the sudden contact but then whimpered in pleasure from the feeling of the impact mixed with his praise. You opened your eyes so that you could see his reflection in the mirror in front of you. You weren't able to see yourself though, the angle wasn't right.

He brought his empty hand up to his mouth, his teeth gripping into his glove in an effort to pull it off while keeping his other hand still on the weapon. You reached behind you to stop him without even realizing you'd done it. "Keep them on." You requested. Although it was a statement, it came out like a question. His hands looked so good in them and there was something about him not even touching you with his skin that made this entire thing more thrilling.

Kylo paused and let your request sink in. He groaned as he realized how into this scenario you actually were. He was going to have so much fun having you around, he realized.

He leaned back down so that he was right against your ear. "You're filthy." He said this as if he were disgusted with you but his erection pressing into you from behind said otherwise. "I bet you're just dripping for me, aren't you?"

At that, the hand that had been resting on your ass moved in between your legs. He ran a single finger along your folds, barely dipping inside of them. You wiggled your hips, trying to get more from him but he didn't let you, pressing the gun into your flesh.

"Hmm," He murmured, making sure that his touch was everywhere but exactly where you wanted it. Kylo pulled his finger away and held it in front of your face so that you were able to see it as well. "Look how wet you are." He sneered, moving his finger around so that you could see how much it glistened in the low light of the bathroom.

You made a noise of embarrassment and surprise, you hadn't truly realized how turned on you were until you saw that.

This caused Kylo to smirk, he loved seeing all of your little reactions, especially when he was the reason for them. He moved his hand back to your wetness, dipping back into your folds. 

"Fuck." You muttered, more to yourself than even to him. You didn't want him teasing you anymore. You weren't thinking about anything but him giving you a release.

"God, look at you." He scoffed, he used his knee to shift your body so that you were able to see your reflection in the mirror. "I mean, really look at yourself. I've turned you into a pathetic mess." At those words, without warning, plunged two fingers deep inside of you.

While making eye contact with yourself in the mirror, you gasped in pleasure. "Oh my god." You whined. Kylo didn't stop or slow down, in fact, he began pumping his fingers in and out of you quickly. You were wet enough that it wasn't uncomfortable at all, it was exactly what you wanted.

"You're so tight." He sighed, wishing his cock was inside you instead. While continuing to finger you, Kylo moved the gun around in his hand. Now, you could feel the barrel of it pressed against your skin and he positioned in the same way that he would if he were going to fire it. You both knew he had no intention of doing so and he was trained enough in handling it that there wouldn't be any accidents. But just the very idea of him holding you at gun point, essentially, made you even needier.

"I'm going to kill people with this gun today." Kylo growled, pressing it against you harder. You didn't know how to respond, all you could do was moan. "I bet you like that." He hissed but there was a smirk on his face. He loved that it turned you on.

He was right, it did turn you on.

Kylo glanced at the clock, noting that he was running out of time. "I need you to cum for me, princess, I want you to beg for it." He told you. His own breathing was becoming ragged, he was becoming almost as turned on as you were.

"Please." You whimpered instantly. At this point, you had no shame. 

"You can do better than that, slut."

You whined, gripping the edge of the counter top as his pace quickened. "Please." You repeated. You weren't given any approval which made you toss your head back in frustration. "God, please. Fuck." You could barely talk.

Kylo chuckled, running his gloved fingers against your inner walls, knowing he was hitting just the right spot. "That's not my name." He teased you. It was ironic though because in this moment he did feel a little like a God.

You moaned desperately, "Kylo, please."

Usually he would've made you beg more but there wasn't enough time. While continuing the motions of his two fingers, he moved his hand so that his thumb was able to rub against your clit. He moved in quick circles, the leather of his glove easily sliding over your wetness. "Cum for me." He told you, then called you by your name. His voice was gentle, almost sweet, directly contrasting with everything he'd said to you before and the threat of a gun to your back.

The second that his thumb touched your clit, you knew it was all over. You couldn't help yourself, it was all too much. You felt the wave of your orgasm wash over you intensely. You weren't sure what noises were leaving your mouth, how loud they were, you were a complete mess.

Kylo watched you in the mirror intently. You looked so beautiful, completely submitting to him. As you came down from your high, he removed the weapon from your back, placing it back in the pocket inside of his jacket. With his other hand, he pulled his fingers out from your entrance. He placed his fingers in front of your face, "Clean them off." He told you softly.

You weren't coherent, you didn't think you'd even be able to speak but you knew what he had just asked you to do. You leaned towards his hand and lapped up your wetness from his gloves. Your chest was heaving, that had taken a lot out of you.

"Good job, princess." He mewled in your ear. He rubbed your back with his other hand, concentrating on the red spot that he had left behind from his gun. "You did so well for me."

You didn't know what to think. Everything had happened so quickly and this affection from him afterwards was the last thing you had expected. When you were sure you had cleaned him up enough, you pulled away and your knees almost buckled underneath you.

Kylo caught you easily, "Careful." He muttered under his breath. He picked you up cautiously, glad that you had dried up enough that you weren't getting his clothes wet. He moved towards the bath and asked you to feel the water. When you assured him that it was still warm, he helped you back into the tub.

This was exactly what Kylo had needed. You had given him that control and ego boost that he had been lacking before this meeting he was heading to.

You sighed in relief, glad to be back in the comfort of the water. "That's one way to cure a hangover." You said, your breath ragged.

He smirked, taking a deep breath as he looked you over. "I'll see you tonight." Is all he said before heading towards the door. Well, that confirmed that he'd be showing up to the dinner.

Then, "Oh, yeah. You had some stuff outside of your door. I brought it in for you."

You gave him a weak wave to say 'goodbye' before shutting your eyes and relaxing. You heard your front door shut, indicating that he was gone.

That was not how you thought this morning would go. 

You stayed in the bathtub for a while. Unlike when you had just woken up, your mind was practically empty. It was like Kylo had taken all of your troubles away when he made you beg for him. Usually, you would be cursing him for that but right now, you were letting yourself enjoy the moment of peace.

You remembered that Kylo had brought things in from the hall for you and you were curious to see what it was. After wrapping yourself in a big fluffy robe, you made your way into the kitchen. On top of your table you saw flowers and a box, as you got closer you noticed that he had left your keys there as well.

The flowers were beautiful, a few dozen roses. You picked up the card that was left with them. Just as you expected, they were from Hux. The note that he left in the card basically said that he was sorry for how last night ended and he wanted to make it up to you. It was nice and you appreciated it but it was typical. This meant that he was going to pretend that it never happened.

As you pictured your boyfriend's face in your mind, it dawned on you for the first time that entire morning that you had just cheated on him...You cheated on him. You were now a cheater. You couldn't stop repeating the word in your mind. It made you sick to your stomach, what have you done? You swallowed hard, feeling nauseous from the combination of guilt and the amount you drank the night before.

You reached for the other box that was on the table, your hands trembling as you did so. You looked it over and wondered who Hux asked to get it together for him. He usually didn't wrap things like this. Instead of the fancy wrapping paper and bows, this package was just a sleek black box. You kind of liked it better.

As you lifted the lid, your eyebrows raised at what was inside. A dress? It was red, that was different too. Flashier than what he'd normally pick. As you took the dress into your hands in order to hold it up and look at it, a piece of paper fell out with it. You grabbed at that instead.

'I saw this and thought you needed it. -K' was what was sprawled out in ornate but neat writing. You wanted to puke. That's the reason it had been different.

Kylo bought you this.

You tossed the note onto the table as if it were going to burn you if you held it too long. You picked up the dress again and looked it over. You couldn't help but laugh out loud. It was red and it was also very revealing. It had thin straps that tied in the back, making it essentially backless. The neckline was a low V. It was hot and you knew it would look amazing on you.

You glanced at the box and saw that there was still something inside of it. "Oh my god." You laughed and shook your head as you realized what it was. A sexy, lacy thong in the exact color of the dress.

The guilt that you felt about Hux a moment ago had almost disappeared now that you were preoccupied with what Kylo had given you. If you would've been conscious of this, it would've made you feel even worse.

________________

That night before dinner, you had a decision to make.

Did you wear the dress Kylo bought you or not?

You tried it on and were surprised by how perfectly it fit. It hugged and showed off every part of yourself that you wanted it to. You knew it was the right amount of 'dressiness' for the dinner but was it too sexy? You ran your hands over the material of it while you stared in the mirror. Usually you tried to blend in when you went to mob parties. You only went to support Hux.

Your mind wandered to what Kylo's reaction would be when he saw you in it. It gave you butterflies and in that moment you had made your decision.

You were gonna wear the dress.

And you were gonna wear the thong too.


	7. Tension

If you thought you looked good in the dress Kylo bought you before, now that you had your hair and make up done and put on your jewelry and heels, you looked amazing.

Really, it was almost upsetting how he had picked out a dress that looked so perfect on you. As if he knew exactly how it was going to hug your body. He seemed to know everything, didn't he?

It was a shame that you had to cover the dress with a light jacket, it was starting to get cold out. You knew you'd take it off right when you got to the restaurant anyways.

You settled into the back seat of Hux's car. Just as you had suspected, he acted as if the two of you never got into that argument the day before. You didn't care enough to bring it up, it had been stupid anyways.

"Hi, honey." He said to you, leaning over to give you a brief kiss on the lips.

You kissed back and chuckled at him when you pulled away. "That's a good color on you." You teased him, pointing at the lip gloss that you had left behind on his lips with your fingers.

"Dammit." He mumbled, wiping it away. He wasn't laughing like you were. You knew that it probably had made him nervous, he was probably picturing himself walking into this dinner with sparkly lips for all of the other men to laugh at.

"I got it, don't worry." You told him with a frown. You pulled out a tissue from your purse (you were always prepared) and wiped away the rest of it. You realized in that moment, a big separation between you and Hux was his inability to laugh at himself. He was always so serious.

It was silent for a while after that besides his driver looking over his shoulder to confirm which restaurant that he was driving the two of you to.

"Did you get my flowers?" Hux asked you proudly. Your stomach twisted. His gift had seemed so small and meaningless compared to the one that Kylo left for you. You had almost forgot that he had even given you anything.

You smiled and nodded. You were good at hiding it. "I did. They were beautiful. They look so good on my living room table." You told him. You grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. "Thank you." It was your way of saying you were choosing to forget the argument.

He smiled in relief, glad that he didn't have to worry about talking the issue through with you. "I'm glad you like them."

And honestly, you did like them. You just liked Kylo's dress more.

When you two arrived to the restaurant, you were stopped by the hostess who offered to take and hang up your jackets for you. You obliged, shrugging the coat off of your shoulders and handing it over to her.

Glancing at Hux, you thought that his eyes were going to pop out of his skull. You realized he was reacting to seeing you in such a revealing dress. You were far from a prude otherwise but the bright color matched with how tight and low it was, was not what he had been expecting. 

"What?" You asked innocently, grinning, "Do I have something on my face?"

He was speechless but slowly shook his head. "No...I just, um, I haven't seen that dress before." He stammered.

"It's new. I bought it the other day." You lied to him. It was easier to lie to him than you thought it would be.

As the hostess walked away with the both of your coats, Hux came in closer to you. "You look amazing in it." He said to you and by the look on his face you could tell he really meant it. You noticed that the fair skin on his cheeks was beat red, as if he was getting himself ready for the attention the two of you were about to bring in when you walked into the room with the rest of the attendees.

"Thanks." You said to him, you were beaming. It was worrisome for you that you didn't feel guilty at all as you paraded in this dress that Kylo bought you. You liked seeing Hux's impressed reaction. "Is it too much?" You asked him. You weren't nervous but a part of you thought you should be.

He quickly shook his head, "You're perfect."

Hux wrapped his arm around your waist as a different hostess lead you to the large private room that you would be eating dinner in. She pushed the doors open for you two and as you entered, you took in the environment. There were about 40-ish people there, if you had to guess. You recognized a lot of them, but there were also a few new faces. Associates that you hadn't met before, you assumed. Everyone was mingling around, not sitting in the seats of the various tables.

Your eyes discreetly searched the room. You knew exactly who you were looking for but couldn't find him. Kylo.

"Armitage!" A loud voice to your left bellowed. You looked to see an older, overweight man coming your way. You knew in that moment that his man didn't know your boyfriend as much as he might think. Everyone called him Hux, it was weird to hear his full first name.

Hux shook his hand and greeted him. He introduced the two of you but the man's name entered your ear and immediately left it. You couldn't care less.

You stood there, pretending to pay attention to the conversation that the two were having. They were talking about a club that had just opened up a few streets away from your apartment. You assumed Snoke was a partner of it by the way that Hux knew a lot of information on it.

A waitress with a tray of champagne walked by, offering glasses to everyone that she passed. Normally you'd decline but you found yourself reaching for a glass, taking a long sip. You smiled at her in an apologetic way, you felt bad that someone had to work at an event like this, you couldn't imagine how uncomfortable she must be.

"Jesus, she's a bombshell, isn't she?" The man said to Hux, motioning towards you as if you weren't standing right there. "Where'd you find her?"

Hux wrapped an arm around your waist, chuckling, and pulling you close against his side. "I'd like to think that she found me." He said, looking at you in a way that begged for you to be polite. The way that the two of you met was far from conventional and it wasn't something the two of you enjoyed talking or thinking about at all.

"We've been together for a few years." You told the man, you felt the need to defend your relationship. You weren't just a fling for Hux, he should show some respect.

The man whistled lowly, "You have it made, Armitage. Congratulations." He held his glass up, "Cheers to that." When he saw that Hux didn't have a glass in his hand, he paused awkwardly.

You smirked and clinked your own glass with his. He hadn't been expecting that. "Cheers." You agreed. You were a smart ass, you couldn't help yourself.

The man blanked for a moment then looked at you with a predatory grin.

Hux squeezed your waist, starting to steer you away. "It was nice catching up." He told the man then moved away from him. He gave you a look that said, 'really?'.

You shrugged at him, feigning ignorance.

"I need a drink." He mumbled under his breath, walking towards the bar with you. The two of you got comfortable at the stools there. He ordered himself a drink while you sipped on yours. You tried to look around again, where was Kylo, dammit? You were upset with yourself for caring as much as you did.

You and Hux were at the bar for about 3 minutes before someone joined you. An other man that you didn't recognize. When he started talking to your boyfriend you realized that maybe he might've been an associate, perhaps even a trooper. You weren't sure. But when the man asked Hux if they could talk in private, your boyfriend instantly obliged.

"I'll be back. Stay put." Hux told you, kissing your temple before walking away with the man who had requested him.

And then it was just you. Sitting alone at the bar.

You twirled your champagne glass in your fingers by the stem, watching how the liquid bubbled and fizzed. Your heel tapped against the stool underneath you. After a moment you let out a sigh and lifted the glass to your lips, emptying it in your mouth. If you were going to sit alone you might as well be buzzed.

As soon as you were finished with your drink, you felt a presence next to you, "An other glass of champagne or do you need something stronger?" Was the voice that addressed you. You looked to your side, raising an eyebrow.

You recognized him, it was your friend Jessica's boyfriend, Vicrul. He was one of the Knights of Ren. You had never spoken to him individually before but you had been in the same vicinity with him enough times to feel comfortable talking with him.

You couldn't help but laugh a little. "I should pace myself." You told him, then a beat of knowing silence, "I'll take an other champagne." You decided.

He nodded in agreement with you. "No shots?" He asked, tempting you.

You shook your head quickly, holding back the shudder that you wanted to release as you thought about taking shots of liquor after how much you had drank the night before. "I'm good."

Vicrul laughed, "Fair enough." Then, getting the attention of the bartender, he ordered himself a drink along with a glass of champagne for you.

"Did someone say shots? Are we doing shots?" You heard a voice ask to your other side. You looked over and saw the it came from an other one of the Knights of Ren. Ushar. You'd never formally met him before. He settled in the stool on your left while Vicrul stood to your right, not sitting down yet.

"No we aren't." Vicrul told him but the way his eyes were dancing let the other man know that he was willing to do them at any point in the night if he was convinced.

The bartender slid the two of you the drinks that had been ordered and you thanked her.

"You're Hux's girl." Ushar said to you, acknowledging who you were. He held his hand out and introduced himself.

You told him your name and shook his hand, laughing a little at how drunk he already seemed. He wasn't sloppy at all but he was clearly having a good time. You were jealous.

"I can see why Kylo's so protective over you." Ushar said with a smirk, looking you over.

You felt your heart speed up at just the mention of his name. "What do you mean?" You asked, pretending to be confused but really you just wanted to hear more. Protective over you?

Vicrul sent him a look. "It's nothing. He's drunk." He explained. He was obviously trying to change the subject. He knew better than to get on Kylo's bad side. 

You wanted to press the subject but before you could question the tipsy man next to you, you felt two hands grip your shoulders. You froze, you weren't ready for any unexpected contact from anyone. You attempted to turn around to see who it belonged to but the voice that rang out answered your questions.

"Alright that's enough, leave her alone." It was Kylo.

You swallowed hard. Now that you knew it was him, the feeling of his large hands on your skin sent heat right to your core.

You noticed the way that both men tensed and seemed nervous now, as if they had fucked up. You felt bad, you had been talking to them too.

"We were just talking." You told Kylo even if you weren't able to look at him. You didn't want them to get into any trouble.

Kylo's grip tightened. "I'm sure you were." He said. Whatever look he was sending them made them both retreat away from you at the bar with just a nod in acknowledgment.

"Nice to meet you." You called out sarcastically since they had just walked away without saying anything.

You watched as Kylo took the seat that Ushar had previously been sitting in. He had a smug smile on his face from getting them leave so easily and when his eyes met yours, you couldn't help but mirror the same smile. You had gotten him jealous.

"You don't let them make friends?" You asked, your heart was fluttering at the close contact he had with you now.

Kylo let out a humorless chuckle and shook his head. "They don't want to be your friend." He said. It dawned on you then. What he had said to you the previous night, about how his Knights of Ren talked about wanting to fuck you.

You felt heat creep up your neck as you wondered what they had been thinking about you just then. Besides talking with Kylo, it had been years since you flirted with someone. Although the conversation with the Knights had been brief, it did feel good to have that kind of fun.

"How does it feel to know that everyone in this room either wants to fuck you or be you?" Kylo asked casually. 

You furrowed your brow, glancing around the room. You took in the way that you had caught multiple men staring at you in that same predatory way the man had when you first walked in. You also caught a few women looking at you in jealousy. Maybe he was right.

You pretended like it hadn't given you a boost to your ego. "I could ask you the same thing." You told him. Which was true, everyone felt the same way about him.

He didn't deny this, he just shrugged in response. "It feels good." He said honestly.

You didn't say anything back, it felt wrong to agree with him but you did. It did feel good to know how everyone in the room was envying you or wanting you.

"It could be like this all the time, you know." Kylo told you softly, "It's not the dress that's doing it. It's the confidence you have in it...it's like a magnet."

You shook your head, "I don't need this kind of attention all the time."

"No one needs it...but it feels good, doesn't it? Why wouldn't you want it to always be like this?"

You turned your head towards him, narrowing your eyes. "Why do you always do this?"

Kylo smirked a little. He didn't ask you to elaborate, he knew what you meant. "You remind me of someone I used to know." It seemed like he was speaking cautiously, trying to say the right words. He didn't want to reveal too much about himself, too much about Ben. "You hold yourself back from feeling anything real because you're afraid of what those feelings might turn you into...You feel guilty every time you want to be selfish and you shouldn't. It's your life. I don't think anyone's ever shown you how to actually live it." He said, his words were quiet but full of intensity, he was passionate about this.

You thought back to your realization you made when you had been arguing with Hux. How you noticed that you spent your entire life just existing. That wasn't far off from what Kylo was saying. He always just knew things about you and it was infuriating. It was like he could read your mind.

"If this mafia thing doesn't work out, you should become a motivational speaker." You teased him but it was clear by the look on your face that Kylo's words had resonated with you.

He let you take really take in what he said to you, keeping his eyes on you as he did so. It was like he could see the gears in your head turning.

Then, "How much longer until Hux comes back?"

You frowned and shrugged, "I don't know. He left to talk to someone a few minutes ago."

"Do you think there's enough time for me to take you into the bathroom and fuck you?"

You exhaled in frustration. He was so blunt and casual about things like this and it drove you crazy, cheating on your boyfriend was a big deal to you even if it wasn't for him. "No!" You hissed.

Kylo grinned at your reaction, that was what he'd been hoping for. He liked seeing you get all worked up because of something he said. "Good timing." He said and before you could show your confusion, you felt an arm wrap around your shoulders.

"Honey, there's some people I want to introduce you to." Hux said. His grip was tight against you. He wasn't even looking at you although he was speaking to you, he was staring directly at Kylo.

"Oh, sure." You said, snapping back into the reality of your situation. This was where your loyalty should lie, not with Kylo.

"We were in the middle of a conversation, actually." Kylo challenged him.

Hux paused, tensing. "Well... I'm sure it wasn't that important." He released his grip on you so that you could get off of the stool.

You sighed as you stepped off of it, onto your high heels. These two successful men acted like teenagers. Hux turned to walk away and you knew to follow him.

"Oh wait, my drink." You told him, making an excuse to turn back around.

As you reached down to grab your glass of champagne, you positioned yourself so that Kylo could easily hear you when you whispered, "By the way, I'm wearing the underwear too."

Your eyes briefly locked with his before turning away and joining Hux.

Kylo knew what you meant. You were wearing the thong he bought you that matched the dress. As you walked away, his eyes were glued to your ass, imagining what you looked like in them. He clenched his jaw and groaned under his breath. You were the only one who could distract him like this. Damn, you.

You quickly realized that these people that Hux wanted to introduce you to, couldn't give a shit about meeting you. You knew that he probably just wanted to show you off and/or he saw you alone with Kylo and had to make an excuse to get you away from him.

Multiple times you had to hold yourself back from overtly yawning in these people's faces. They were talking business but not even interesting mob business, just small talk about real estate and the prices of things. The only thing that kept you from falling asleep standing up was when you'd feel a pair of eyes on you and when you found the source of the feeling, it would be Kylo staring at you. It happened a few times and each time it did, you had to bite your lip to keep from smiling.

When it was announced that dinner was ready, you sighed in relief. You weren't really even that hungry but at least you'd be able to sit down and have something to preoccupy your thoughts even if it was just choosing what kind of salad dressing you wanted.

There were a few long tables set up and people were just choosing to sit wherever. You of course took the seat next to Hux and much to your satisfaction, Kylo took a seat directly across from you two.

As dinner started, things were pretty uneventful. Most of the talking was about things that you and the other girlfriends/wives/dates couldn't join in on. It was just the men talking which was pretty typical at these events.

You noticed that although most of the conversation was directed at him, Kylo seemed just as bored as you were. He wasn't as good at hiding it as the others were. Or maybe he wasn't even attempting to hide his low interest level. You assumed it was the latter.

Pushing your food around your plate, you slumped slightly in your seat, trying to get more comfortable. As you stretched your legs out in front of you, your foot bumped into something. You glanced down and realized it had been Kylo's foot.

He glanced up at you, mid conversation, and noticed that it had been an accident so he disregarded it.

It had been an accident but you couldn't help but smirk to yourself. Now you had some entertainment. As Kylo continued to speak with the people around him, you reached forward and put your foot back on top of his, pressing down lightly.

He clenched his jaw, trying not to chuckle or say anything to you as he nodded in agreement to what someone had said to him.

You pressed down a few more times, testing his ability to keep his reactions in check. He was good, he didn't even flinch after that initial time you had touched him. You moved your foot so that you were able to snake the front of your high heel under his pant leg. You then pressed your shoe against the side of his ankle. The fact that you were being so immature made you want to laugh out loud.

Kylo acted like he didn't notice, much to your disappointment. After attempting a few more things and still getting no reaction, you frowned and moved your foot away. He was no fun, you thought.

While still talking, Kylo moved his foot over to yours and unexpectedly stepped down on your toes, hard. You couldn't help the yelp that came out of your mouth as you jumped at the pain. Kylo didn't even look at you but the amusement in his eyes as he looked at the man sitting next to him let you know that he noticed your reaction.

"Are you okay?" Hux asked you. He was oblivious to the game of footsie you had been playing so it had sounded like you had made a noise at nothing.

"Oh yeah," You quickly said, "Sorry. My food was too hot." You lied. You were lying so much lately, you realized.

Hux patted your knee as if to say, 'be careful' before he turned back to the conversation that was going on.

Kylo's eyes were on you now, openly smirking at the glare that you were giving him. 

After awhile, the conversation had turned more casual, the idea of making business connections was starting to fade away when the men started having a more drinks. 

"I heard it was amazing." One of the wives said to you. Hux had just shared the fact that the two of you had been able to go and see the play that he took you to last night. You could hardly believe that it was only the night before. So much had happened in between then and now.

"I loved it." You shared, honestly. It wasn't the most thrilling of topics but at least you had the opportunity to talk.

"I've been wanting to go see it but it's been so hard to find tickets." She sighed.

You weren't sure what to say. You knew it had been sold out but there hadn't been a struggle for you. You had just told Hux you wanted to go and so you did. Hm, you thought, you were spoiled.

"Now, are you an actress or something? Am I remembering wrong?" One of the other girlfriends asked you.

You laughed a little and shook your head. You were acting like you were having a good time right now, if that's what she meant. "I go to school for painting...Maybe that's what you're thinking of." You told her with a shrug. You weren't offended that she had forgotten or maybe gotten you confused with someone else. You couldn't even remember her name.

"Oh, that's right!" She said, remembering. "I knew it was something artsy." The way she said it was a little bit of a jab but you didn't react.

"School?" Her boyfriend, one of the mob's associates, interrupted. "You go to college?" He asked you, pointing towards you with his fork.

You took a deep breath, oh here we go.

Hux was tense beside you but was pretending not to be. He knew this was a sore subject after the argument you had the night before.

"Yep." You said simply. Maybe if you didn't elaborate they would drop the subject.

"What are you doing that for?" He asked. His tone wasn't exactly rude, it was as if he were truly interested in your answer, like you were blowing his mind. It was almost comical.

You shifted in your seat uncomfortably. You noticed most of the table was looking towards this conversation, being nosey and listening in. "Oh um," You weren't sure how to answer that, wasn't it obvious? "To learn." You told him like he was five years old, trying not to smirk. You really needed to stop letting your inner smart ass out at events like this.

The man who asked the question had a look come over his face, eyes narrowing. You assumed you pissed him off. His girlfriend looked down at her plate, uneasy with the way that the conversation was going. But instead of being upset, he laughed out loud. "How funny!" He said, trying to save face. "Wow, she's funny." He said then to Hux, talking right through you.

You stared at him blankly. You didn't really see the humor in it.

Hux chuckled uncomfortably and nodded. "She is." He agreed, his smile strained.

"She's very talented." This time Kylo spoke up. Everyone looked at him in surprise. He gave you a long look then he continued, "Her paintings are really impressive. It'd be a shame if she didn't go to school for it. I don't think there's anything wrong with that."

You were speechless. Not only had he given you a genuine compliment but he essentially stood up for you in front of everyone. The tone of the conversation shifted now from judgment to acceptance. If Kylo approved then everyone else had to as well. You'd have to remember to thank him for that later.

The people who been listening in got back to their own conversations and soon the attention was off of you.

"You've seen them?" Hux asked Kylo, referencing your paintings. You thought he was going to bend his fork in half with the way that he was holding it. Not only was he worried now about what context Kylo had seen your art in but he was also pissed that he just stuck up for you like that in front of everyone. That was Hux's job, not his.

Kylo's mouth was in a straight line but his eyes were devious. He knew how much that had pissed Hux off. "I have. Have you?" He already knew the answer to that was no.

Hux said nothing. If he admitted in front of everyone that he hadn't but Kylo had, he would look like an asshole.

You opened your mouth to add something into the conversation, try to take some of the awkwardness away. But Hux interrupted you before you had the chance to.

"What happened to your face?" He asked Kylo bluntly before taking an aggressive bite of his food. Now Hux's eyes were devious as well. You felt like you were missing something.

Kylo didn't have the medical tape holding together the cut on his face anymore but the injury itself was still there (obviously) and pretty fresh looking. When you first saw it, you were taken back by it but now that you were used to it, you kind of liked the way that it looked.

Kylo tensed a bit but didn't let it effect him too much, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. "Oh, it was nothing." He said, "A lapse in judgement." He was being vague, as if he didn't need to elaborate because Hux already knew the situation. "I took care of it." Kylo added with an edge.

Hux narrowed his eyes, "You did?"

A short nod, "I did."

Okay, yep, you were definitely missing something. You knew it was just mob talk so you tried not to listen, wanting to stay out of it. But the way they were looking at each other was strange, like they were testing each other's responses...The lightbulb lit over your head. Was Hux the reason why Kylo got hurt? You wished you could observe more to make your judgements but the conversation seemed to be over.

That was that. The two of them stopped talking to each other but the tension was still there. When you had wanted something interesting to happen this hadn't been exactly what you had in mind.

"So, Kylo, how is it to be back home?" The man to Hux's left asked.

Kylo thought about his answer, "I'm still adjusting to it." He said but there was a faint smile on his face. Clearly it wasn't a difficult adjustment.

"Are you still in that hotel on fifth street? Or did you find a place?" The man asked just trying to make conversation.

Kylo's eyes lit up again with something. "I just moved into an apartment actually." Then he said the name of his apartment building, the one that you shared with him.

You felt Hux sit up straighter next to you. You had forgotten to tell him that Kylo moved in down the hall. Well you partly forgot but also you were just going to see how long you could go without telling him. You didn't want him to start questioning and piecing things together that were going on between the two of you.

"What was that?" Hux asked, if it his ears had deceived him.

Kylo was openly smug now as he repeated the name of your apartment building. "I'm surprised I haven't seen you, actually, I'm just down the hall from her." He said, motioning towards you.

Hux gave you a pointed look and you smiled sheepishly, confirming that Kylo was telling the truth.

"Oh that's right, Lisa had mentioned you stopped by for a drink before the party the other day." Her boyfriend, the man who originally asked the question, said.

At that, Hux turned towards you. "You didn't tell me you invited Kylo over for drinks." He looked like he was going to pop a vein.

"I didn't," You clarified, "He just showed up. I didn't even know we were neighbors at that point." At least you were being honest about that. You were so uncomfortable.

Kylo nodded in agreement, not trying to hide the fact that he had shown up unannounced. He was unashamed.

Hux was leaning towards Kylo, across the table from him, "Don't you think that it's strange to show up at my girlfriend's door uninvited?" He asked him. His face was red with anger.

In contrast, Kylo was completely calm, satisfied even. "Don't you think that it's strange that you're threatened by it?" He mocked him.

Everyone was staring at the two of them. They could feel the tension from across the room. 

You watched as Hux leaned forward further and grabbed Kylo's shirt collar. Then, you watched as Hux punched him right in the face.


	8. Please

You were sitting in the back of Hux's car with him once again, but unlike when you had arrived to dinner, Hux was now holding a napkin up to his bloody nose and groaning in pain.

The fight between him and Kylo hadn't lasted long since there were so many people around to break it up. There hadn't been enough time for there to really be a winner or a loser but you knew that if Kylo hadn't been injured before, Hux would've looked worse off by the time that they were done. You also knew that the fight wasn't over and you weren't surprised if they finished it the second that they were in the same room again.

It had been embarrassing for you, to say the least. Everyone was staring at you, asking if you were okay. They had been too nervous to ask Kylo or Hux those questions and really they had just been nosey.

You knew that you weren't the only reason for the fight, the two men hated each other long before you even met them, but in that moment you had been the catalyst that caused the first punch to be thrown. 

After Hux had landed the initial punch to his jaw, Kylo had practically leapt over the table and slammed Hux's nose against the same table. The men who were sitting next to them had tried holding them back but it took Kylo's loyal Knights to come over and really break the fight up.

While a few of the Knights grabbed Kylo's arms and walked him outside so that he could calm down and not do any more damage, Kylo sent you a smug nod and a wink. You hated how wet it had made you.

Although you knew how ruthless that Kylo had to be to have become the man in charge right under Snoke, you'd never seen him in action before. The look on his face as he fought Hux had managed to shock you. It was like he was attempting to completely destroy him. It was horrifying.

As you replayed the scene in your mind, you also replayed what you had seen when Kylo was bent over you in your bathroom, carefully taking your makeup off and brushing your teeth for you. It was like two different people, you couldn't wrap your mind around it.

You noticed Hux wince as he shifted in his seat and you looked over in concern. "Here, let me." You told him, offering to hold the napkin up to his nose so that he could rest his arms.

He let you, sighing in relief as he relaxed into the seat of the car. You felt guilty that you had been a reason why he was hurt now. Seeing Hux get so worked up by just a few things that Kylo said to him, you couldn't imagine how hurt he would be if he found out what you'd done with Kylo. You shivered with guilt, trying to focus instead on holding your hand steady as the driver went over bumps.

That night, you stayed with Hux at his house. He hadn't explicitly asked you to but the thought of returning home where you were only several feet away from the man who almost broke his nose, felt wrong. 

What you hadn't realized was that Kylo stood outside your door for almost ten minutes that night, knocking, hoping you would answer. Of course, you hadn't been there to do so. 

When you woke up the next morning in Hux's bed, you noticed that he was already gone for the day. You wondered what his nose looked like after a night's rest, if it were bruised or not.

You made yourself some coffee and some breakfast and then took a shower. You were comfortable enough in Hux's house by yourself. You always left some essentials over here too so it wasn't difficult for you to get ready for the day.

Utilizing his personal driver, you decided that today you deserved some retail therapy.

________

"What do you think?" You asked the saleswoman, staring at the way these high heels looked on you in the mirror.

"The fit looks good, how do they feel?" She asked.

You shrugged, "I'm not sure. I mean they're pretty uncomfortable but they're six inches tall so that's to be expected."

"Let me grab a half size down for you, that might help." The woman offered before making her way to the back.

You stood in front of the mirror, shifting your weight on each foot and taking small steps to see if you were comfortable in them or not.

"Those look great on you." You heard a man's voice say from behind you.

You turned around to see an unfamiliar face. Tan skin, dark hair, handsome. You smiled uncomfortably. "Oh thanks." You said. Awkward.

When you noticed that he was still just standing there, staring at you, you added, "I'm buying them with my boyfriend's credit card." You emphasized the word so he'd get the point.

He laughed out loud. "I'm not hitting on you," He called you by your name.

You raised an eyebrow at him and he came closer. He pulled something out of his pocket. "Officer Dameron." He told you in a low voice, holding his badge.

You paled, "Jesus." You muttered, glancing around. You didn't want anyone to see you with a police officer and assume the worst.

"If you have a few minutes, there's something I'd like to discuss with you."

You pretended to check the time on your phone, "I'm actually really busy, I have an important appointment soon." You lied.

"Then I suggest you reschedule it." He said. Clearly, you weren't going to be able to get out of this.

Judging the seriousness in his tone, you knew you were going to have to talk to him. "Am I in trouble?" You asked in a hushed tone, glad that the saleswoman was finding your size in the backroom.

The officer sighed and shook his head, "It's about your mom." He said.

You agreed to meet him at a coffee shop next door in twenty minutes.

_________

As you sat across from him and took in all of the information that he was giving you, you felt like your head was spinning. You could barely breathe.

All you could think was: fuck.

And that's all you could say too.

"Fuck" as you accidentally ran into someone as you rushed out of the cafe.

"Fuck" as your fingers trembled against the keyboard of your phone while you double checked to make sure that Hux was scheduled to go out of town tomorrow morning.

"Fuck" as you accidentally pressed the wrong button on the elevator of your apartment complex and had to make an unnecessary stop at a wrong floor.

And now that you were standing outside of Kylo's apartment, all you could mumble to yourself was "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" as you pounded your fist against his door in a disorganized rhythm.

Kylo opened the door and you walked right inside without a word.

"Fuck." You said out loud once again when you saw that some of his Knights were over. They couldn't be here for this. They were sitting around, drinking some beer and playing cards at his living room table. They were having a casual time while you were about to scream at the stress you were under.

They acknowledged you with a few hello's and waves in your direction but you couldn't respond, you were frozen in place.

"Are you alright?" Kylo asked. He was more amused than he was concerned.

"I need to talk to you." You said. Well, that was obvious.

"I'm listening." His tone was bored, taking a sip of the bottle in his hands.

You exhaled in frustration. "Alone."

Then at his smirk, you added barely above a whisper, "Please."

Kylo wanted to make a joke about the last time he heard you use the phrase, please, when you were begging for him to let you cum with his gun pressed behind your back. But the desperation in your eyes told him that he should hold his tongue.

He sighed, he had been having a good time. But he was curious to find out what was up with you. "Fine." He said then he looked over to the Knights. "Get out. We'll finish later" He told them bluntly, motioning at their game they'd been in the middle of. How polite.

They got the hint. They tossed their cards onto the table and headed towards the door that you were hovering next to.

"Sorry." You mumbled to them, embarrassed that you were the reason they were being kicked out.

They didn't seem upset. Instead, they seemed entertained. They gave Kylo a few winks and whistles, nudging him as they passed him, probably assuming you wanted him alone to have sex with him. That was far from it.

"You know, you didn't need to kick them out. They would've loved to watch." Kylo toyed with you once they shut the door behind them, keeping up the narrative that you wanted to be alone for him to fuck you.

You shook your head, ignoring that. "I have a lot to tell you. And I hate to even say it out loud but...Fuck, Kylo...I really need your help." You were pacing around now, fists clenching and unclenching.

It was becoming clear to Kylo that this wasn't a laughing matter. He couldn't deny a sense of pride that he felt knowing that you were coming to him for help. "Okay, okay." He said to you, understanding. He set the beer bottle onto the kitchen counter next to him. He moved over to you and gently grabbed your shoulders. "Let's sit down. You're going to give yourself a heart attack."

You nodded, agreeing. You took a seat with him on his couch.

"Okay, before I even start, I just need to clarify that regardless of how you react to all of this, I don't trust you." You told him, watching how he reacted with a soft chuckle. "I'd be an idiot if I did but...I..." You couldn't find the words, "I don't know what else to do. I know you could betray me and actually, you might...But I need you to please keep this between us."

He didn't disagree with you. You would be an idiot to trust him. He hardly trusted himself.

"It's a lot." You warned him. Your hands were shaking.

Kylo nodded at that as if to say, 'go on'.

You didn't even know where to start. You bit your thumbnail. "Growing up, my dad owned an insurance company-"

"Wow, you're right, this is intense." Kylo interrupted you, grinning.

You wanted to slap him so bad and the only reason you hadn't was because you needed his help. You groaned in frustration. "Kylo, god dammit, I'm trying okay?"

Kylo almost made an other joke but he noticed the moisture in your eyes. You were about to cry. He tensed. He didn't know how to deal with that.

Once you knew that he was done messing with you, you took a deep breath and kept going. "He made enough money but he wanted more and to get it he got involved with this," You motioned at him because in this moment Kylo represented the mob, "with Snoke. He was never high up, just an associate. He helped launder money through the insurance company but he liked the danger of it all, I guess, I don't know...He wanted a bigger role." You were speaking quickly and you hoped he was keeping up. "He got in over his head and he owed the mob a lot of money. I didn't really understand what was going on at the time, I had already moved out so I wasn't spending a lot of time at home with him and my mom, I guess I never spent that much time with them before either..." You were staring to ramble now and you took a deep breath to reel it in and get back on subject.

Although you were giving him a lot of information, Kylo was taking it all in. He was listening.

"I was visiting him one day, while my mom was at work. I was down in the basement, trying to find something I left there when I heard the gun shots. By the time that I walked upstairs, my dad was already dead. I saw these other men there, the ones that killed him and I didn't understand what was going on." You swallowed hard, you didn't like to relive the memory. "I had my own gun and I didn't even realize what I was doing. I was just reacting. I killed two of them. They were Snoke's troopers, coming to collect the money." You admitted.

Kylo raised his eyebrows, impressed that you were able to kill them.

You were speaking slower now, you had pushed this next part away so much that you had to think harder about how exactly it happened.

"There were still three of them alive. They were just going to kill me there but one of them suggested that they bring me to Snoke. They thought that he might want to know who killed some of his men...They were probably just trying to cover their ass, who knows? But, they did bring me to him. They brought me to a room where he'd been discussing something with Hux." You swallowed hard.

He was listening intently now. This must've all happened right when he left town. He'd never heard about this.

"When they told him what happened, he was pissed, obviously. But before he could kill me, Hux stopped him."

You thought back to the memory. You had been a complete mess. Screaming, crying, and begging for him not to do it while the troopers held you with your arms behind your back. You had felt the barrel of the gun against your forehead then Hux's nervous voice say, "What if she has information on how to get the money back?". You weren't sure if he had even believed that you could give them anything useful but it had successfully stopped Snoke from shooting you.

"I think he felt bad for me." You said, talking about Hux. "Snoke told Hux that he needed to interrogate me and once I had given them all I could, he was supposed to kill me...I stayed with Hux for over a week and hadn't given him anything. I didn't know anything, I barely saw my dad back then." You kept your eyes on your hands, picking at the cuticles on your fingers. "Hux tried to kill me when he realized I was useless but...he couldn't. He told me that he was falling in love with me and I convinced him that I was falling in love with him too...I didn't want to die." These were the hardest parts for you to admit out loud to Kylo. It felt wrong for him to know so much about you and Hux when you knew that he could easily use this information to take him down.

While you had stayed with Hux, he was never cruel to you. He wasn't interested in hurting you or taking advantage of you. You weren't sure if you would've been so lucky if you were essentially a prisoner to anyone else in the mob.

You remembered how he'd just sit with you for hours. He'd give you books to read, let you choose a movie. And then he'd just exist with you, comforted by your company. When he convinced himself he loved you, it wasn't necessarily because of you specifically. But he had fallen in love with the idea of having someone around when he got home at night. To be seen and not heard.

Maybe a part of you loved him but it was never the same way that he loved you and you knew that from the start. The night he had tried to kill you, you had woken up to him pressing a gun against your chest. You were panicked and you did the first thing you could think of. You kissed him. After that he promised he'd keep you safe.

It was the reason why you were always so loyal, or at least tried to be, to Hux. He had risked a lot just suggesting to Snoke that you be kept alive. But he had gone beyond that, he fought for your life.

Kylo was hardly ever surprised but in this situation, he was shocked. He had no idea about this and he started to feel angry that Snoke had failed to mention any of it. He kept his face stoic, he didn't want you to know this was having an effect on him.

"I'm not sure what exactly was said but Hux essentially told Snoke that I was loyal to him and that I didn't need to be killed because I wanted to be a part of this life...A part of Hux's life. But it wasn't enough for Hux to know that I was committed, I had to show it to Snoke too. I had to do something big to earn his trust." You sighed, "Snoke told me that I had to kill my mom. She was the only other piece that connected me to my dad. He wanted me to get rid of that."

Kylo's eye twitched. This situation was sounding all too familiar to him...it was mirroring pieces of his past.

You paused. You had to make a decision, telling him this would change everything. You were desperate. You didn't know what to do and right now Kylo might be the only person who could give you guidance.

"As far as Snoke and Hux are concerned, I had my mom killed. But in reality, I couldn't go through with it. She's in witness protection." Your eyes met his now. This was serious. He was the only person who knew this information besides the police.

Kylo felt the gravity of your statement. He held your life in his hands now, he had the ability to ruin and absolutely destroy you. He could turn everyone against you, he could get you killed. He was overwhelmed with the feeling of that. He owned you.

You shut your eyes tightly, his gaze was too much for you. You felt so exposed and unsafe. For years now, you'd been lying to Hux and Snoke. And now Kylo knew that.

"I was told today that my mom's been sick for a while, she's on life support and doesn't have much longer...The cops said they'll tell me what hospital she's at if I give them information on the mafia." You said to him, opening your eyes again.

Kylo raised his eyebrows. Now he knew why you were telling him all of this and why you were asking for his help. If you were to give information behind their back, they would find out and kill you. But you were smart enough to get just one person on your side, someone who the mob trusted, Kylo. You had remembered how quickly they accepted that you were going to college at dinner the night before after he voiced his approval. If you got caught talking to the cops, maybe his approval could save your life.

"I told him that I didn't want to do it. Me and my mom never got along and when I forced her to move away and enter the program, she told me she never wanted to see me again. She hates me, there's no way she'd even want me there." You bit your nail again. "They clearly hadn't expected me to say that, I'm sure they thought I'd jump at the chance to say goodbye to my mom. The officer panicked and needed a plan B so he threatened to tell Snoke that I never had her killed if I didn't get them the information."

Kylo exhaled slowly. He stood up from the couch and began to pace across his apartment. He was thinking the best way to go about this situation. He had to make a choice. Should he steer you in a direction that would benefit him the most or did he help you? He knew your biggest secret and now he also knew a few of Hux's. Although he'd never felt inferior before, he realized that he truly had the upper hand now. He had to play this smart.

He looked over at you and clenched at the feeling. Your past hadn't been the exact same as his but there were parts of it that reminded him of his own. As he watched you hold back tears and tremble on his couch, it was as if he were looking at a reflection of himself years ago. He had been so alone throughout all of it...He felt a tug at his chest. You were so helpless right now, he pitied you. Despite a part of him that was disappointed in his softness, he knew that for at least right now, he had to help you.

"Okay, here's what we're going to do." He spoke to you with authority. "You're going to tell them that you changed your mind and that you want to see your mom, they'll be suspicious if you don't. They'll ask for information and I am going to tell you exactly what to say. Everything you are going to tell them will be false or useless. You have to understand that the minute they realize you know this, they will turn on you. You have to convince them that you believe you're telling them the truth. You're going to have to be sneaky about this too, the second you're seen talking with the law, you'll have a target on your back as a rat, it will get you killed." You were nodding, hanging on his every word. "They most likely won't stop asking for information from you after this, it could go on for years. They are going to keep using you to get to us. You are going to have to take that responsibility on. Do you understand?"

You were terrified but you understood. "Yes."

"Good." Kylo said to you. He moved back to the couch and got down on his knees in front of you so that he was eye level with you. He put his hands on top of yours, squeezing briefly. It wasn't a perfect plan but there was no such thing as perfection when it came to things like this. For now, it would keep the cops happy and it would keep the mob oblivious. That was the best that he could offer.

"As long as you keep the details of the mob's business safe, I am going to keep you safe." Kylo said to you. He was being sincere.

Your heart was fluttering. You had been so nervous that Kylo was going to turn on you and maybe he still would, but in this moment you knew that he was committed to helping you with this. For now, he was going to make sure you were kept alive and that was all that mattered.

"Thank you." You said in relief.

He had to look away from you because the emotion in your eyes was too much for him. He stood back up.

"Hux leaves soon doesn't he?" He wanted to clarify.

"He leaves tomorrow for the next four days with Snoke."

He made a noise of approval. "Find out where your mom is and if we need it, I'll get us a plane to get there. We'll leave tomorrow afternoon. We'll be home before he gets back, Hux won't even know we left. "

"We?" You asked in confusion.

"The cops might follow you. You'll want me around so that they don't question you."

You swallowed hard. This was going to change everything, you knew from this point on, you were always going to have to be worried about getting caught. You were going to have to live in fear.

_____________

When Kylo said he'd get you a plane, you thought he meant he'd buy you tickets. But it was Kylo Ren, so of course, he had just rented you a private plane.

You had been so surprised when your car pulled up to the private lot in the back of the airport and saw the small plane that you weren't even able to get out of the car. Kylo had to come to your door, open it, and pull you up by your hand from the seat.

Much to Kylo's amusement, you were amazed by everything. How big it felt inside, how nice the pilots had been to the two of you, you even made a noise of excitement when you realized that the plush seats reclined. Besides the pilot and the co-pilot, you and Kylo were the only ones on the plane. Your seats faced each other with a table that pulled out from the wall in between you.

You pushed the curtain up on your little window so that you could look out of it as the plane took off and Kylo winced, shutting his eyes at how bright it was outside. He reached forward and pulled your curtain back down, "It's blinding." He told you, shaking his head.

You waited for him to settle back down in his seat before you moved the curtain right back up.

Kylo said your name in a warning tone.

"I wanna see." You frowned, almost a pout.

He sighed deeply and rolled his eyes. He'd let you have this, you were clearly excited.

After the take off, admittedly, some of the initial excitement had worn off. Now you were just in a plane (although a very comfy and fancy one). You watched as Kylo pulled the table out in between the two of you and started getting things out of his bag. His laptop, his phone charger, a small pad of paper and a pencil. You wondered for a moment what he was working on but then you came to the conclusion that it was something mob related that you wouldn't understand and so you decided you didn't care.

You had brought some homework, you could do that. But the seat you were in was so comfortable and you were so tired...You hadn't been able to sleep the night before because you'd been so nervous. Now that you knew you were safe for the time being, you let yourself drift off to the sound of the loud engine and the comfort of knowing you had nothing to do for a few hours.

You were woken up some time later to the feeling of your seat being put into the upright position instead of being reclined. You blinked, rubbing your eyes, trying to wake yourself up to see what was going on. Well, that hadn't been what you were expecting.

You were sitting up now but Kylo wasn't sitting in the seat across from you. No, he was on his knees in front of you, adjusting your seat and pulling you by your feet so that your calves were resting on his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" You asked him, you were still half asleep, was this a dream?

He was concentrated, "Shh. Relax, princess." He told you. Then he reached forward and started pulling your pants off and your brain connected with what he was doing.

You moved so that you were propped up on your elbows on the seat of the chair. You were at a loss for words and you were definitely awake now.

Kylo had managed to successfully pull off your pants leaving you in just your shirt and underwear. You glanced around quickly, double checking that it was just the two of you. The pilots were in their cock pit, there was no way that they'd be able to see you.

"Kylo, stop." You told him weakly. You didn't really mean it but you knew you weren't supposed to be doing this.

He smirked, kissing up your calf that was on his shoulder then he pulled you closer to him so that your ass was at the edge of the seat and his face was right where he wanted it in between your legs. He kissed the inside of your thigh, nibbling on the skin gently. "Do you really want me to stop?" He murmured against your skin.

You should say yes but you couldn't. You wanted him to keep going.

He made eye contact with you and raised an eyebrow. He was giving you the chance to tell him to quit.

Instead, you said nothing, just slightly shook your head.

His chuckle vibrated against your leg, "That's what I thought." He said softly.

You couldn't help but move your hips up when he started running his fingers along your growing wetness from the outside of your panties. Just seeing him in the position that the was in and the way that he was staring at you, was enough to make you let out a quiet whimper.

"You were distracting me." Kylo said, his eyes were watching his fingers, loving the way that they looked against the material of your underwear and what was underneath. "I couldn't get any fucking work done because all I could think about was how good you must taste."

You bit your lip, your hips moving quicker against his touch now. This was a hell of a wake up call.

Kylo then hooked your underwear under his finger and pulled them off of you. Without any hesitation, he bent down and licked a line up your slit, stopping at your clit where he moved his tongue in a gentle circle.

You gasped, louder than you had intended to.

"Mmm," He hummed before pressing his tongue against your wetness. He moved his tongue up and down, not focusing on a certain spot or rhythm. He was doing it just to taste you. "So good. I knew you'd taste so fucking good, princess." He was gripping your thighs that were resting on his shoulders.

You moaned out loud, forgetting where you were, that you needed to be quiet.

Kylo's lip twitched upward, pleased by the effect that he was having on you. "Are you going to be able to stay quiet for me? Don't forget, we have company."

You nodded quickly, not wanting to give him an excuse to stop. Then, to test you, he pressed his tongue against your clit to apply just the right amount of pressure.

Much to your dismay, you moaned out again in surprise mixed with pleasure.

Kylo 'tsk'ed you as he pulled away from his spot on the ground. You thought he was stopping.

"No, Kylo, I can be quiet." You were pleading.

"I'm not sure I believe you." He had a look in his eyes as he stood up and hovered over you. He had something in his hand and as he moved the hand closer to you, you were able to see that it was your panties. "Maybe this will help." You didn't understand what he meant and then he had his hand in your mouth, stuffing the underwear there, gagging you.

You made a noise of protest against the material but it was muffled, much more quiet than it would've been otherwise. You went to grab at it, to pull your panties out of your mouth but he grabbed your hands and held them above your head. "Don't move." He warned you. Kylo then grabbed the bottom hem of your shirt, pulling it up so that it was gathered up by your neck and shoulders and then did the same with your bra.

Now, you were underneath completely exposed to him and you were being gagged by your own panties, looking up at him with wide eyes. He groaned at the sight of it, of you being so embarrassed and vulnerable for him. He couldn't help but use the hand that wasn't holding yours together, to undo the belt of his pants. Once that was undone, his pants themselves soon followed and he was able to easily start pumping his hand up and down his hardening cock.

"I want to get back on my knees and eat that sweet pussy of yours but I need to know that you'll be a good girl and not move from this position." He said. His voice was strained from the movement of his hand on his erection.

You nodded instantly. You'd agree to anything he'd say right now. You were desperate for him.

He made a noise of approval before letting go of his grip on your hands and slowly lowering himself back to ground. One his hands continued to pump along his length while the other hand snaked it's way up your body, stopping when he found one of your nipples.

You whined softly, tilting your hips upward so that they were closer to him.

Kylo sensed your impatience and as much as he wanted to tease you, he was starting to get himself worked up and he felt your sense of urgency.

He worked your nipple in between his fingers, alternating from pinching to gently rubbing against it. While doing that, his tongue drew lazy patterns against your clit, occasionally dipping his tongue down in between your folds and back up, wanting as much of you as he could get.

His eyes never left yours. Even when it came to things outside of sex, he liked seeing all of your reactions. You might've been able to control yourself around others but he could always easily read what you were thinking. He loved it.

As he picked up the pace of his tongue against your swollen bud, you let out a muffled urgent moan, the muscles in your legs against his shoulders tensed up. He knew what that meant, you were close.

"Already?" He taunted you. His breath was warm, even against your slick heat. "What a slut." He chided then had to clench his jaw to stop himself from releasing a moan himself. His motions on his cock hadn't stopped since he started and he was working his way up to his release as well.

As usual, his teasing insult didn't upset you, it only added fuel to your arousal.

Kylo decided that he wanted to watch you cum. Really, it was up to him to choose when you got to. He moved his one hand from your nipple and moved it to join his mouth in between your legs. Keeping the rhythm of his tongue against your clit, he added two of his fingers into your entrance, curling them upwards in exactly the way he knew you needed, stroking your inner walls. 

With the addition of his fingers, the sensations became too much for you. You bit down on the lacy material in your mouth to keep from screaming as you came hard. You felt like you were seeing stars, the pleasure was so intense.

Kylo watched you in excited fascination. He thought that you couldn't look more perfect as you came undone at his finger tips with a gag in your mouth, your arms above your head in obedience. He thought back to how much information he had against you. Everything about you was his.

When he knew you had come down from your high, he pulled away from you and shakily stood up. He hadn't stopped the stroking of his hand on his cock that entire time. He was leaking and rock hard, he was close especially as he thought about how much control he had over you.

Kylo leaned forward and took your underwear out of your mouth. "You can relax, good girl." He said to you in ragged breaths. 

You were thankful for that because you had forgotten you were even keeping your arms above your head. Letting them fall at your sides caused you to sigh in relief, muscles aching. You watched the way that Kylo moved his grip up and down on his cock and you couldn't help the hand that fell between your legs, touching yourself at the sight of it. He looked perfect.

Kylo noticed this and even though he would normally tell you to stop since he hadn't given you permission, he let it go because of how fucking hot it was.

"I got to taste you, do you want a turn?" Kylo was basically panting. You knew what he was asking and you nodded eagerly. "Come here, princess." His gentle words and tone were in direct contrast with the way that he gripped your hair and pulled you off of the seat so that you were on your knees in front of him.

"Keep touching yourself," He positioned the head of his cock against your parted lips. You didn't need to be told twice. Your fingers immediately started rubbing against your clit as you opened your mouth and let him slide inside.

Kylo groaned and both of his hands wove into your hair, keeping a grip on you as he started to rock his hips. "Oh yeah, just like that." He was mumbling nonsense, he was finding it hard to keep control, he had been touching himself for long enough that he was almost there. 

You gagged slightly at how deep he was pushing your head against him but you tried to relax, you wanted to do a good job for him after all he had just done for you. Not just the orgasm he gave you but the fact that he was going on this trip with you and that he was helping you keep it all a secret.

Kylo's hips were moving at a quick but sloppy pace. You looked up at him and saw his hair falling into his face and his cheeks heated up from his arousal. He was going to finish soon. "Oh god...I am going to cum in your mouth and I want you to swallow all of it...'wanna fill you up with it. Fuck... My whore- my good girl...You're mine." While making the last statement, that you were his, he made eye contact with you. It was enough for him to reach his peak. He came with a growl, maintaining eye contact with you as he pulled on your hair.

That had been enough for you as well. You came onto your own fingers as you swallowed what he had just emptied in your throat. You hated it but you realized in that moment that you were his, there was no denying it in your heart now.

He pulled away from you and started to pull his briefs and pants back on. It took you a few moments but you were able to gather the strength to get back onto your feet. You pulled your bra and shirt down, searching the ground for where your underwear had ended up.

Soon, the two of you were back in your seats, fully clothed. You were both sweaty and out of breath but you were both glowing. 

A 'ding' could be heard over the plane's speakers, then, the pilots voice rang out over the intercom, "Mr.Ren. We are going to start the descent. There might be some turbulence so it would be best to stay in your seats.'

You had both forgotten that the pilots had even been there. Neither of you had been quiet at the end, you had been so into the moment that you weren't censoring yourself or trying to quiet your noises.

You locked wide eyes with Kylo. Whoops. Then after a beat of silence, the two of you couldn't stop laughing.


	9. Terrified

You were surprised that you were even able to physically get out of the plane after what you and Kylo had just did, you felt like your legs were jelly. You definitely weren't able to look the pilots in the eyes when you thanked them as you exited, that was for sure.

Kylo had a car waiting for you two at the private lot in the back of the airport. Although you'd been around the life for a few years now, it still impressed you how easy everything came to him. He worked hard, you knew that. But you really were spoiled because you were involved with him and Hux.

Once the two of you were situated in the back seats, the driver glanced behind him. He said the name of a hotel, clarifying that he was taking you to the right place. Of course, he was speaking directly to Kylo and not you. You couldn't really be offended, the amazed look on your face probably gave away the fact that you weren't the one who had earned all of this.

Your mom wasn't in a hospital in the downtown part of the city but apparently that's where Kylo had decided you were going to stay. He let you know that she was just outside of it, it wouldn't be a long drive when you visited her tomorrow. You weren't complaining, you preferred being somewhere like this rather than a small suburb. It was what you were used to. You and Kylo were staying here for two days. Tonight you were planning on just sitting in the hotel, maybe getting room service...You weren't sure where Kylo fit into those plans.

When the driver pulled up to the hotel, you gave Kylo a look that said, 'really?'. It was one of the fanciest hotels you'd ever seen. Of course this is where he decided to go. You pretended like you didn't love it. He rolled his eyes in response, he knew you were just pretending to be irritated.

"Mr. and Mrs. Ren. Good afternoon. Your room is ready for you." The front desk worker at the hotel greeted you while sliding over the room keys.

You froze, ready to correct him. But you felt Kylo's arm slide around your waist. "Perfect, thank you." He told him, letting him believe that the two of you were married. He was amused that you hated the sound of it.

Keeping his arm around your waist, he turned you away from the front desk and started leading you towards the elevator. 

"Wait, room? As in a singular room?" You plucked the room key holder away from his fingers and saw that indeed, there was only one key and only one room number written on the holder. "No, I want my own. I don't care if it's at a shitty hotel instead." You told him, handing him the key back.

Kylo laughed and shook his head as the elevator doors closed. He kept his arm around your waist even when you tried to move away. "So let me get this straight. You had no problem with me shoving my cock down your throat, but sharing a hotel room with me is where you draw the line?"

You didn't have anything to say to that, damn, he was right. The hotel room seemed more intimate somehow though, it was strange.

Taking your silence as submission to stay in the room with him, he changed the subject. "I hope you brought a dress, maybe some heels." He said casually.

You frowned, walking out of the now open elevator with him. "No...I didn't. Why would I?"

"I'm taking you on a date." Kylo told you, sliding the key into the right door. Then he gave you a look that said, 'duh'. 

Kylo was making a phone call in the other room of the hotel while you rummaged through your suitcase. Pajamas...A sweatshirt...an other pair of pajamas...yoga pants...Nope, no dress or heels. Nothing even close. You sighed and sat on the couch. Maybe he could take you to McDonalds. That's all you had clothes for.

You heard a knock on the door and Kylo motioned for you to answer it, he was busy on the phone. You looked through the peephole and saw that it was a bellhop with all of your luggage.

You thanked the worker and before he could leave, Kylo wrapped up the phone call he was on so that the was able to give the bellhop some money out of his wallet as a tip.

When the two of you were alone, Kylo grabbed one of the garment bags that was hanging from the luggage cart. He handed it to you. "Good thing I brought something for you."

You raised your eyebrow as you took it from him. You set it down on the bed and unzipped it. Inside was a dark red dress. It was gorgeous. It wasn't as revealing as the last one he had bought you but it was still sexy. You liked it better, it was closer to something you'd pick out for yourself.

When you turned around, he was holding a box for you. You took the lid off and saw a pair of heels that matched it perfectly. Kylo may or may not have asked Vicrul to ask his girlfriend what size you wore. He could guess when it came to dresses but he was lost when it came to high heels.

You bit your lower lip, not being able to hide the giddy grin that was working it's way onto your face.

"You like them." He said, it was a statement, not a question.

"I do." You said. You were so surprised that you weren't even able to thank him.

The look on your face made Kylo swallow hard. He enjoyed being the reason you were happy. The realization made him uncomfortable.

"Be ready in two hours. I have a few things to take care of." Kylo told you, holding his phone up to show what he needed to work on. 

A little over two hours later, you were sitting across from Kylo at an upscale restaurant. It wasn't flashy but it was well decorated. It was dimly lit with a lot of candles and dark, rich colors. You wondered if Kylo had realized how romantic it was while he had planned your night together.

You watched him look over the menu and your mind wandered away from the food. When had he had time to put all of this together? You left his apartment yesterday afternoon and within less than 24 hours, he had gotten a private plane, a hotel, a reservation to this restaurant and also an outfit for you to wear. You tried to think back at what you had accomplished in that same amount of time and realized that at best you had made a few cups of coffee and took a shower.

Then you started to question why he was taking you out on a date in the first place. And why were you letting him? You weren't able to lie to yourself anymore. You felt a connection to him and it was past just thinking he was gorgeous, there was some emotion there. You couldn't pinpoint exactly when you realized this. Maybe it when he'd notice things about you that no one had ever taken he time to do before. Or maybe it was when he carried you home when you were too drunk to do it on your own. Or maybe it was just now, as he sat across from you, hours away from home, to make sure that you were safe.

"What are you thinking about?" Kylo asked you, breaking you out of your inner monologue. He could usually always basically read your mind. Right now, you seemed farther away and he couldn't quite figure out what was running through your head.

"Just wondering what to order." You shrugged, looking down at the menu.

"I have to admit, you're a pretty good liar. But you never fool me." He was looking at his menu as well. It looked so small in his hands.

You sighed, "I'm just a little overwhelmed..." You trailed off, you couldn't tell him that you were becoming overwhelmed with how you felt about him. "About my mom and all of that." You clarified.

Kylo nodded indicating that he understood. "I know you are. I thought you'd like to escape it for a night. This is a nice place, isn't it? I thought you'd like it." He looked up at you with slightly wide eyes, more innocent than you'd ever seen him look.

You realized that was actually thoughtful of him. "It's perfect."

He relaxed his tense shoulders when he earned your approval. "It should take your mind off of everything."

"You mean I should eat my feelings?" You teased him since you were at a dinner specifically.

He chuckled a little then set the menu down and stared at you for a long moment. He hadn't taken you out for dinner just to make you feel better. There was selfishness behind the actions as well. He wasn't sure if the two of you would ever be out of town alone again, he wanted to take advantage of it. Really, he just wanted to see how it would feel to be away from the mob and everything else with you. He wanted to see what it felt like to be normal.

"I mean that you should just enjoy yourself. Don't over think it. Right now, in this restaurant with me, you're safe." Kylo told you. Although his words didn't just instantly cure you, the fact that he was even trying to make you feel better did mean a lot to you.

"Yes, sir." You said mockingly.

You noticed the way that he lit up.

"Mmm... Say that again." He prompted you, leaning in towards you from across the table.

You grinned mischievously and leaned in as well so that the two of you were closer. "Do you like that?" You asked in a low voice.

He quickly nodded, he had the same look in his eyes as you did.

You bit your lip, "Yes, sir." You repeated, this time slower and more seductive than you had when you were just joking before.

Kylo exhaled and leaned back into his seat, "Yeah, I think I'm gonna make you say that later." He winked at you.

As the waiter came back over to take your orders, you wondered if he noticed how flustered you were. 

It felt strange but about halfway through your dinner with Kylo, as the two of you were laughing at a story he had just told, he realized the both of you were having fun. Although the two of you couldn't stop yourselves from flirting from time to time, the conversations you were having and the way that you were smiling at each other was pure. There were no intentions behind anything or trying to get the upper hand over each other like there normally was.

It made Kylo nervous. He had wanted to try out what it would feel like to be normal but he hadn't been expecting to enjoy it as much as he was...It was scary to him, the amount of power you had over him without even trying. He never let his guard down like this with anyone else. Even when he was completely wasted with his Knights, if they asked him a personal question, he never budged. He barely even laughed around them. But with you it was different and he couldn't figure out why. It pissed him off.

The uneasiness had been on the back of his mind the entire time you'd been sitting across from him.

You had been staring out of the big window with a wistful smile on your face before making eye contact with him again.

"Let's just run away here." You told him. You didn't really mean it, you knew it wasn't possible, but the idea of it made you excited. "We could go into hiding and just pretend the real world doesn't exist."

His mind wandered, entertaining the thought. He thought about what it would be like to wake up to you in his bed every morning and not have the mafia on his mind. He'd probably wake up before you did, he thought, he'd make you breakfast and bring it to you in bed...He stopped himself when he realized the grin he had on his face. That's when he knew he'd gone too far. What the hell was he doing? How was he allowing himself to feel these things for you?

"Keep dreaming, princess." He told you. His voice was hard to read.

You knew he was right. You two were locked in, him especially. You stared at him and remembered something that had been bothering you.

He raised an eyebrow, asking 'what'?

"The other night at dinner..." You weren't exactly sure how to word it. "You and Hux were talking about your injuries," You motioned to the deep scar on his face, "It made me think...Did Hux do that to you?"

Kylo stiffened in his seat. You had asked him at a good time and reminded him of who the two of you actually were. This was his chance to turn things around again. It was getting too sincere and it was making his palms sweat. He had to push you away to make himself feel better. He hated this power you had, he needed to remind you who was in charge.

"Sort of." He said. You were surprised that he answered at all. "He didn't do it. But he ordered someone else to."

You moved around the food on your plate as you thought about it. Why would Hux do that? It seemed foolish.

You looked up at him and he noticed the look on your face. "You told him about that donation." Kylo said to you, answering your unspoken question on what motive he would have.

You swallowed hard, nervous. Dammit, Hux.

"I don't blame you." He said to interrupt your thoughts. "I wanted you to tell him and I wanted him to react the way that he did. It was the entire reason I did it."

"I know you like seeing him all worked up but was it worth 25,000 dollars and getting the shit beat out of you? I feel like there are easier ways to get under his skin." You didn't understand.

Kylo laughed a little at that. "I didn't do it to see him get worked up. That was just a bonus..." Something in Kylo's demeanor changed. Things were far from pure now, he wanted to feel in control again. He wanted you to think he was an asshole because he was.

"I wanted to see how far his pride would take him. I had an idea that he would be impulsive if I pushed him enough. He proved me right." He was self satisfied now. "He convinced some troopers to turn on me during a deal with one of our drug distributors. They were supposed to kill me. I killed them instead."

You paused the movement of your fork around your plate, looking at him in surprise. Hux tried to kill Kylo? It made more sense now. Hux had planned such a long and elaborate date the night the troopers must've attempted it, it was when he took you to dinner and the play. He probably did it to distract himself from his nerves. And his nerves were the reason he was so on edge on the ride home which caused you two to argue over your college.

"He wouldn't kill you just because of that donation." You said to Kylo, shaking your head. You didn't want to believe it.

"No he wouldn't," Kylo agreed, "While I was away, he convinced himself that I wasn't coming back. He thought he'd take my place. So when I showed back up and started getting involved in your life too...he snapped." He explained. "By attempting to get rid of me, he betrayed Snoke. If Snoke knew what he tried to do, he'd have him killed."

You felt sick. Was this all part of his plan? Was he only involved in your life so that he could push Hux to the edge?

"What are you waiting for then?" You asked. Why was Kylo holding onto this information? You realized how much leverage he had on everyone around him. He was a conversation away from potentially having you and Hux both killed by Snoke, both for different reasons. You wondered how much he knew about everyone else that he was keeping to himself, waiting to use it.

"I don't think I've gotten everything I can from him yet...It's all part of the game, princess. You get information on someone that they don't want anyone knowing and then they become your bitch. Hux will do anything I ask of him now." Kylo said, setting his knife that he had been cutting his food with down on the table.

He knew the implications of that statement. What was the difference between you and Hux? He had just found out information that could get you killed...was he going to make you his bitch too?

"Trust no one." He added in a low voice, leaning towards you with a wicked look in his eyes, answering your question.

You let out a shaky breath. All of the fuzzy feelings you had a moment ago as you watched the sweet smile form on his face after you told a joke, was out of the window. Remembering the way that his laugh sounded and the way it lit up his eyes, just made you angry now that you were reminded how cruel his heart could be. It became clear to you again that this man sitting across from you wasn't just a man. He was a vicious member of the mafia and that's what came first. You fit in nowhere in his life besides to be a pawn in his game.

And now he knew things that he could use against you. You had been so stupid to ask his help and let him take you here. He was just waiting to get you killed. You thought you might puke.

"Excuse me." You mumbled, tossing your napkin from your lap onto the table. You had to get away from him before you said or did something you'd regret. You needed just a moment alone to gather your thoughts.

Kylo said nothing to stop you. He watched you leave with a strained look on his face. A part of him hurt to see you so upset but it was the only way. It had to be done. 

When you got into the bathroom, you leaned against the sink and forced yourself to take deep breaths. You had let yourself get into the mind set that Kylo wasn't a bad guy. But he was. And he would kill you and your boyfriend the second that he decided he wanted to. How did you let yourself forget? And poor Hux. He had done nothing but try to keep you safe the entire time you've known him and you had betrayed him so badly.

You made eye contact with yourself in the mirror and frowned. You were wearing a dress and shoes brought to you by the man who was going to end your life. "What's wrong with you?" You accused yourself, pointing at your reflection in the mirror.

Just as you did this, an older women was walking out of her stall. She gave you a sympathetic smile, having caught you doing that. "Boy problems?" She asked.

You exhaled. "You have no idea." You told her sadly. 

After you pulled yourself together, you walked out of the bathroom and made your way back to your table. Kylo was pouring himself a new glass of wine as he made eye contact with you. He gave you a casual smile as if nothing were wrong.

You sat in your seat and looked at your food that you barely touched. "I'm ready to leave."

Kylo shook his head, "I'm not done eating."

"Then I'll get an Uber." You told him, you couldn't sit here and stare at him anymore.

You thought about what he said when you first sat down. That he had taken you here to relax and enjoy yourself. He had looked so honest with his puppy dog eyes, hoping that you liked what he picked for you. How could he switch so fast?

"No, you won't." Kylo told you, taking a bite of his food. "What if that cop's waiting for you out there?"

The way he asked that made you want to scream. Did he really think that you were going to keep everything secret like he wanted you to, after what he had just admitted to you? "I hope he is!" Your voice was loud and it caused a few people nearby to look at you.

You lowered your tone, "I should tell them everything I know after what you just said to me."

Kylo smirked, "That would be incredibly stupid."

You knew he was right, you were just upset. You wanted him to feel as small as you. Little did you know, him feeling small was exactly why he lashed out in the first place.

For the next several minutes, you had to sit there and watch Kylo finish his dinner. You could've sworn he was taking his time, taking the tiniest sips from his glass and being extra careful while cutting his food. 

You two said nothing to each other until you were back in the hotel room. Really, room was very much an understatement. It was practically as big as your apartment. You had thought it was too much before but now you were grateful that you could sleep on the couch in the other room, away from him.

"What are you doing?" Kylo asked you, watching you put your belongings into your suitcase so that you could move it to the next connected room instead of having it set up next to the bed like you previously did.

"What do you think?" You snapped, sending him a glare.

He shrugged off his suit jacket and hung it up in the closet. "You're sleeping in this bed." He told you matter of factly.

You ignored him and started walking in the direction of the other room. You just wanted to see your mom tomorrow and then get the hell out of here. With as little amount of contact with Kylo as possible.

Kylo said your name in a warning tone and in response you slammed the door behind you. This room was more of a lounge, it had a couch and a few chairs along with a bar area. The couch would have to do for the night.

Almost as soon as it had shut, the door was flung open again with Kylo on the other side of it. He made his way over to you and without saying anything, he grabbed your by your shoulders and slammed your back against the wall you had been standing in front of.

He held you in place there with his knee in between your legs and his face was bent down at your level. "I bought us this hotel room to stay in together. You will be sleeping in bed with me tonight." He didn't blame you for not wanting to but if anyone else were to disobey him in this way, he'd murder them. He couldn't just let you get away with it.

You stared at him in disbelief. "What's wrong with you?" You asked him in a low voice. It was the same thing you had asked yourself in the mirror at the restaurant.

When he didn't respond, you tried to push him away from you but he was like a brick wall, your force was doing nothing to do him.

"What's wrong with you?" You repeated, this time you were yelling at him. You stopped pushing at him realizing that it was no use.

He was just holding you in place, watching you. What was wrong with him? He couldn't even begin to list the things.

"I understand how it is with the mafia. You have to be a certain way to get far and that's the way you act. That makes sense to me...What doesn't make sense to me is how you string me along...You pretend to care about how I feel, how I'm living my life. You stick up for me and sometimes, the way you look at me..." You couldn't finish that thought, "Why do you do it? Do you just love to fuck with me that much? You love to see me get hopeful and then remind me who you really are, to crush me...to remind me I have nothing... You're a monster." You noticed his eye twitch then he backed away from you, releasing you from your position pressed against the wall.

He turned away from you, hiding his expression. He was a monster, he knew that. But hearing it come from you...it felt like he'd been stabbed in his stomach and he even looked down to check if you had snuck a knife in your pocket and done it. Kylo hadn't felt that in years...regret? Guilt? He wasn't sure but he hated it.

"What makes you so special?" He was pissed now as he turned back to look at you. His jaw was clenched and his face was red with anger.

You didn't say anything, you weren't sure what he meant.

Kylo was back on you, shoving you against the same wall. This time he held you there with his hands on your shoulders, his finger tips digging into your skin.

"You're different from everyone else." The look on his face reminded you of how he had looked when he slammed Hux's face against the dinner table. He was furious. You knew how it felt to be on the other end of it now.

Kylo stared at you with that same look, his fingers in your skin made you wince. He released his grip just slightly and his heavy breathing seemed to calm his anger down. "You terrify me." He finally said, his lower lip quivering as he said it. He knew he might regret being so vulnerable with you but he was so tired of keeping it inside. He didn't know how to express himself though and he felt stupid.

You couldn't help but let out a humorless chuckle. You were the one who should be terrified right now.

This frustrated him more. He moved his hands from your shoulders to wrapping one around your neck, grasping for the control that he was losing. "It's not funny." He hissed. He was trembling, it looked like he was wrestling with someone in his mind.

You were looking up at him with wide, nervous eyes. He could snap your neck right there, you thought, he seemed so wild with his emotions and he had the strength to do it. You thought he might even cry. There wasn't any moisture in his eyes but his face was so concentrated on whatever he was thinking in that moment. If you weren't so nervous you would've been fascinated.

"Don't you understand that you're all I think about?" He asked you, his voice was shaky. "I don't even think about anything specific, you're just always fucking there... You make me laugh. You impress me. Every time that I talk to you I learn something new about you that makes me want to know more. You're complicated and you surprise me. You're the only god damn real person who has come within ten feet of the mob since I've been involved..." He was rambling, he was talking to himself more than you, "Do you know how much easier my life was when I didn't give a shit about anyone?"

You didn't know what to say. You couldn't wrap your head around what Kylo was admitting to you. Was he saying he had feelings for you? You couldn't be sure, you weren't sure if you could ever trust him. But just the idea of it...your heart fluttered.

You thought about what he had said last, "Do you know how much easier my life was when I didn't give a shit about anyone". You realized you felt the same way. It was why you had been so annoyed with Kylo when you first met him. You had been falling for him and you hated knowing that you felt something true with someone. You had been so used to just going through the motions with Hux. You didn't know what it was like to feel passion.

You wanted to tell him that you understood. Maybe you two could talk about it. You could figure out why he treated you the way that he did.

But before you could do any of that, Kylo bent down and pressed his lips against yours.

The first contact had been intense but brief, his lips were pressed against yours as if to tell you to shut up before you could even start talking about your feelings. He pulled away just barely and then slammed his lips back down on top of yours. This time, he parted his lips to deepen it and from there it was as if someone had lit a match between the two of you.

Although you had done plenty of sexual things before, this was the first time the two of you had ever kissed and you were both channeling all of the things you were too scared to say out loud within that contact.

Kylo released his hand from around your neck and moved it to the back of your head. He wrapped his other arm around your waist, pulling you in tightly against him. His lips never left yours.

You made a noise of pleasure into the kiss, you were melting in his arms. You put your hands on his chest, it was all you could do in the position that he had you in.

He pulled away just enough so that he could talk without brushing his lips against yours. "I hate you." He breathed out, "I hate how you make me feel, how much you've taken over my life...I hate that you're mine but fuck..." He could hardly finish the sentence. He grasped at your hair tighter, gritting his teeth, "I really fucking hate that I'm yours."

You exhaled in shock at his admission. Before, it had always felt so one sided. You assumed you were the one who was obsessed and he was stringing you along. You thought that he owned you...You didn't realize that this entire time you had just as much ownership over him.

"I hate you too." You panted, your hands were clutching at the material of his dress shirt. "I really fucking hate you, Kylo."

He was still so intense and so serious but at your last statement he let out a breathless chuckle. That's exactly the kind of response he'd been hoping for, that's why he was so infatuated with you. You two were different but in a lot of ways you were exactly the same.

Your lips were against each others again, desperate and needy to show each other how you felt because neither of you were comfortable with saying it out loud.

Kylo reached down and picked you up. He continued to kiss you as he walked you over to the bed, the one that had started this whole fight in the first place, and he set you down on top of it.

"Take your dress off before I rip it off." He told you as he followed his own orders and started unbuttoning his shirt.

You really liked this dress so you did your best to unzip what you could and then when you got to the point where you couldn't reach, you scooted to the end of the bed. You turned so he could reach it. He didn't waste any time in unzipping it the rest of the way before taking his shirt completely off and then unbuckling his pants. Both of your actions were hasty and distracted, you just wanted to touch each other.

Soon, the two of you were completely naked and he basically pounced on top of you, his lips attacking yours. "I can't stand how beautiful you are." He groaned against your lips. His hands were everywhere on your body. "If you weren't so fucking gorgeous maybe I wouldn't want to fuck you all the time, maybe I'd be able to think about something else for once."

"You love that I'm always on your mind," Your breath was ragged as he kissed your neck, his hands were exploring everywhere on your body. "You wouldn't know what to do if you weren't always thinking about being inside of me."

You slid out from under him and and he sat up in surprise, his long legs hanging off of the side of the bed. You moved on top of him, straddling him. You began kissing his neck, just as he had been doing to you. "You can't even deny it." You cooed against his skin, rocking your hips against his for friction. "You'd be so lost if you weren't always thinking of my pussy. How pathetic." You taunted him, a smirk playing at your lips.

Kylo growled at this. The two of you were still arguing from earlier, fighting for dominance. He wasn't going to lose. He grabbed you by your hips and turned, tossing you onto the bed. Before you could move, he pinned you down onto your stomach, moving behind you. "You're the one always begging for me to let you cum." He grabbed you by the hips again and pulled you up so that your ass was sticking up in the air and your chest was against the mattress. "Filthy whore." He spit on his fingers and rubbed them against your entrance. Then without warning, he abruptly thrusted inside of you.

You both froze and gasped out loud at the feeling. The first time that the two of you had ever done this...and it felt perfect.

Kylo started to shallowly rock his hips, testing out how it felt. When you moaned out, "Oh my god, Kylo.", he couldn't hold himself back. He grabbed you by your hips and started slamming in and out of you.

The ridicule from earlier was gone, the two of you couldn't even say anything. You were both a mess of grunts and moans. Your hands clutched at the sheets underneath you while one of Kylo's found it's way to the back of your head, grabbing your hair and his other hand stayed on your hips to grip you in place.

"You're so tight." Kylo rasped, plunging deeper inside of you, "You feel so good...so good, princess...like you were made for me." He was staring down at you. The image of your bent over on your knees, your ass up in the air, and his hand tangled into your hair made him groan. He watched the way that his cock looked moving in and out of you and he almost couldn't take it.

As you whimpered underneath him, you couldn't help but wonder...were you made for him? Were you made for each other? What if this was what you were both destined for? Neither of you liked the idea of a normal relationship and you wouldn't know what to do with one if you had one. Maybe you were supposed to be in something like this, a constant challenge.

Kylo's mind had wandered to the same ideas. He could do this forever, he thought, it would never get old, playing these games with you.

At that, he yanked on your hair, "Come here." He murmured. He helped you position yourself so that you were pressed against the headboard, your back and shoulders arched against his chest, both of you on your knees. He had continued his thrusts the entire time that you moved.

You rolled your head back onto his shoulder, absentmindedly kissing his neck while he pounded you from behind. One of his hands reached up to your breast, grabbing at it and running his fingers along your nipple and the other stayed in your hair. He didn't need to hold your hips steady anymore, you were meeting his rhythm with movements of your own.

Kylo pulled on your hair so that you tilted your head back enough for him to attach his lips to yours. His hand on your breast trailed down to your clit where he carefully started rubbing you in quick but gentle circles.

You sighed in pleasure and you realized how close you were already. "I'm gonna cum soon." You warned him, knowing that he liked giving you permission.

Kylo moaned and nodded, "I am too...Wait for me, princess, I want to cum with you." At that he slowed down his movements, assisting you in waiting for him.

The two of you moved in perfect harmony. You'd never done this before, never had sex with someone so passionately. It was overwhelming.

Kylo knew that he could've forced you to stay down on all fours the entire time. He could've tied you up and hurt you. And he would've loved that. But this was different. You were pressed against him, as level as you could be with your height difference. No one was on top or bottom, it felt good for both of you...It was his way of telling you how he felt. Regardless of your power difference when it came to the mafia, he viewed you as his equal. That's why you were special.

You took one of your hands off from the headboard and moved your arm behind you so that your hand was on the back of his head as you kissed him deeper. This caused him to moan and start moving his hips in an unorganized rhythm.

"Are you ready?" He referred to you by your name, not princess or whore, just your name. "I'm gonna cum, can you cum with me?" He asked you, pleading.

You nodded and his pace on your clit quickened, causing you to practically scream in pleasure. "Oh, Kylo." You whined.

Then, as if the two of you had timed it perfectly, you both reached your peaks at the same time. You moaned each other's names over and over again, shockwaves pulsing through the both of your bodies.

It took you two a minute to collect yourselves. He hadn't pulled out from you yet, he stayed inside of you while you caught your breath and steadied yourselves.

"Start the shower," Kylo grinned, "I wanna do that again."


	10. Mourning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Talk about loved ones dying, overall sadness.

Just as Kylo had wanted, you ended up sleeping in the hotel bed with him.

You also ended up having sex three more times before the two of you fell asleep early in the morning, with the sun coming through the curtains and your legs tangled up together. 

It was almost noon when you woke up to the sound of the hotel room door opening and quiet conversation taking place. You blinked as your eyes adjusted to the light. Once they did, you were able to see that Kylo had been answering the door, in just his underwear, to let in the room service he had just ordered the two of you.

You had gotten about five hours of sleep which wasn't terrible but after the physical toll that Kylo had taken on you over the course of the night, you were exhausted. And worse, you knew that today would be emotionally exhausting as well because you had to visit your mom.

"You're awake." Kylo commented, glancing at you over his shoulder while he poured two cups of coffee. You noticed the bite marks he had on the back of his shoulder and you laughed, remembering exactly when you had left those there.

"If you think that's funny, you should look at your legs." Kylo told you with a smirk while handing you one of the cups he had just poured. You frowned in confusion and moved the blanket away from you. He was right, your thighs, especially your inner thighs, were covered in hickeys.

"Kylo!" You gasped, moving your legs around to see how bad the damage was. He had a big smug smile on his face. "What the hell am I supposed to do when we get back? I'll have to wear pants for weeks."

You threw one of the many pillows on the bed at the back of his head.

"You didn't seem to mind last night." Kylo smirked, "Unless that was the reason you were screaming so much?" He teased you. You were loud... it wasn't your fault.

You didn't say it out loud but you wondered how you were going to hide them from Hux. Oh well, just add it to the list of things you were keeping from him.

You started to get out of bed so that you could grab the food that had just been brought in but Kylo stopped you, casually pushing you back onto the bed with a single hand. You landed on the mattress with a huff. "I'm hungry." You whined. You weren't in the mood for him to mess with you.

"I know. You barely ate anything at dinner last night. Sit down, I'll get you something." He told you, already putting things onto a plate for you.

You settled back onto the bed, getting comfortable with your back against the plush headboard. You weren't going to argue with him on that.

A few minutes later, the two of you were both in bed with plates of food in front you.

Kylo thought back to what had set him off at dinner the night before. It had been when he had a vision of waking up with you in his bed and bringing you breakfast...He chuckled out loud at the irony of it. That's exactly what the two of you were doing now.

"What's funny?" You asked, taking a long sip of coffee. "If you're laughing at me for some reason, I will pour this on your lap." You warned, holding up your steaming cup.

Kylo shook his head, "Just thinking."

You shrugged, "Okay, weirdo." You muttered, reaching for a piece of bacon.

He caught your chin in his hand and tilted your head so that you were looking up at him. Then he leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. It was innocent but there was something else there...affection maybe.

It was a weird feeling to just casually kiss Kylo like this. You had waited so long to kiss each other and last night you had only done it while you two were having sex so it had seemed like just a part of that. This was different. There was no reason for him to kiss you other than the fact that he just wanted to.

At that thought, you pulled away from him and took a bite of the food you had been reaching for, not wanting him to see how badly you were trying not to smile.

There was a comfortable silence between the two of you with the TV playing softly in the background, the weatherman informing the viewers what the temperature was going to be that day.

"What time do you want to go to the hospital?" Kylo asked you.

You glanced at the clock, "A few hours. I need to prepare myself." You frowned, thinking about the fact that you actually had to go see her. You suddenly became overwhelmed with the idea of it all. You leaned your head back against the headboard and shut your eyes. Maybe if you went back to sleep you wouldn't have to go do it.

It took a little bit but when you began to snore just slightly, Kylo looked over and noticed you had fallen asleep. He sighed and nudged you.

You stirred slightly but ignored him, pushing his elbow away from your side where he was trying to wake you up. "Stop." You whined.

Kylo rolled his eyes. "Come on, you brat. You're barely eating again."

Again, you didn't move besides to shimmy down in the bed a little to make you more comfortable. Then you felt something against your lips. Opening an eye, you saw that Kylo was holding a fork with some food on it up to your mouth.

"Eat." He told you sternly. "You'll feel sick by the time we leave if you don't."

You were pouty but you took the bite. Even if you weren't thrilled that he was feeding you, you had to admit that you were hungry and the food smelled good.

"Good girl." Kylo praised you then held an other forkful up to your mouth once you were ready for it. It continued that way for a bit until you told him you were done. He didn't argue, you had eaten enough to please him.

Once he was done serving you, you noticed that he began eating again. Your face felt hot, realizing that he had focused on you and made sure you had eaten enough before feeding himself. You couldn't believe how much whiplash he gave you. Within less than 24 hours, you wanted to kill him then fuck him and now you wanted to hug him. You weren't sure which side of himself was the real one. Maybe none of them were...

You really weren't sure where you stood with him now or how you felt about him. You still didn't trust him. He had admitted to you that he would use this information you gave him to eventually wrong you in the future if you didn't do what he wanted. But then he'd do things like feed you your breakfast to make sure you were eating enough. What the fuck? 

All you knew was that just the thought of him made your skin feel on fire. It was something you'd never felt before and even if you knew it was wrong, you loved it. 

A few hours later the two of you were in the back of the car, on your way to the hospital. You were biting your nails and tapping your foot against the floor of the backseat. You really didn't want to do this.

Kylo glanced over and saw how nervous you were. He didn't know the dynamic between you and your mother, he really didn't know anything about your family besides what you had told him so far but he easily understood what it was like to have a strained relationship with a parent, to say the least.

He reached out and put a hand on your knee, stopping your foot from tapping. "Hey, worrying isn't going to help." He told you with a frown. He didn't know what to say to you. He considered himself to be good with words when it came to manipulating other people but when it came to expressing himself or helping others through their emotions, he was clueless.

You could tell he was frustrated because he didn't know what to say. But you also knew he was trying. You put your hand on top of his, keeping your foot still with a halfhearted smile.

You kept telling Kylo that you would've preferred for him to stay at the hotel while you did this but he insisted that he come with. He said that if the cops were to show up any where it would probably be here since this was the one place they knew you would for sure be at. You didn't like the idea of Kylo being a part of something so intimate in your life. You were essentially seeing your mom for the last time and he was going to be around for that.

By the look on his face it was clear that he wasn't going to enjoy this either. It was actually one the last things he would ever want to do, he realized. But he didn't want to risk staying at the hotel in case someone tried to question you without him around.

You shivered as you walked through the hallway of the hospital. The nurse was showing you and Kylo where your mom's room was at.

"Here it is." She said, pausing at one of the doors. "There are a few things I need to tell you before you go inside, though." She informed you, looking down at your mom's chart that was in her hands.

The nurse proceeded to tell you that your mom had been in a coma for awhile now and they were giving her until the end of this week to see if her condition improved but it didn't look good and based on how far you lived from there, it would be best to say your goodbyes.

You took all of this in, it was no surprise, it was essentially what Officer Dameron had informed you of when he met up with you. Your mom had a condition and you had always known about it. She was sick throughout a lot of your childhood so this wasn't a bombshell of an idea. It was far from the first time you'd visited her in the hospital but it felt strange for this to be the last time you would.

The nurse let you know to take as much time as you needed and to just let the front desk know when you were leaving.

When it was just you and Kylo, you couldn't even look at the door. "Okay, we showed up here and talked to a few workers. I have an alibi. We can leave."

Kylo furrowed his brow at you, "What are you talking about? You aren't actually going to see her?" He didn't realize that had been the plan.

You shook your head. "I can't do it. I don't want to."

He realized that it wasn't the original plan. You were just scared and you wanted to escape the situation. "Why not?" He pressed.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, "She hates me. She wouldn't want me here."

Kylo was becoming uncomfortable. He had no idea how to help you. "I doubt that."

"You've never met her." You turned to walk away, "Let's go. Please."

He reached out and grabbed your arm. You paused and looked up at him. You could tell that he wanted to leave just as badly as you did.

"No one's forcing you to do this. If you really don't want to, we'll get the hell out of here." He said, "But I think if you walk away because you're scared, you're going to regret it."

You thought about it and you knew he was right. You weren't leaving to honor your mom's wishes or because you thought it was the right thing to do. You wanted to leave because you were anxious.

Kylo noticed your change in demeanor as you thought it over. "Come on, you're a tough girl." He teased you then moved his head down so he could speak quieter. "You've been lying to a mob boss for years and you've killed multiple storm troopers. You can handle going into that room." His lip twitched up into a quick smile. Was he doing this right? He had no idea. He hoped he wasn't making it worse.

Kylo's words honestly did help. He was right. You've handled a lot and you could handle this too. You would kick yourself later if you didn't do it.

"Okay, just give me a minute." You said hesitantly.

He sighed in relief, glad that he didn't need to force any more pep talks. "I'll be right outside." He let you know and he motioned to the wall next to the door you'd be going into.

You took a deep shaky breath and your hand hovered above the door handle. You grabbed it and almost pulled it to enter but then stopped.

You got onto your tip toes and gave Kylo a brief kiss, letting it give you some confidence. Then with that, you opened the door and went inside. 

You weren't exactly sure how long you'd been in there. Time was the last thing that you had been thinking about as you sat in the chair next to your dying mother.

You didn't say anything to her for the majority of your time, would she even be able to hear you? You weren't sure. But before you left you did grab her hand and tell her how sorry you were for everything you'd done.

Mostly, you had cried, a lot.

You had made sure to pull yourself together before you left her room. Not only did you not want Kylo to see you such a mess but you didn't want anyone else seeing it either.

When you exited the room, you saw Kylo leaning against the wall across from you, furiously typing away at his phone screen, doing mob business even when he was hours away from it. When he heard the door shut, he straightened up and looked you over. It was clear that you had been crying, of course you had, but he was relieved to see that you weren't still as upset as you most likely had been in there.

You didn't say anything to him, just motioned with your head to start walking. He joined your side and was silent as well, his hands in his pockets. 

Neither of you had said anything the entire time you rode back to the hotel. Even when you first got to the hotel, you had wordlessly gone into the bathroom to be alone. You splashed some water on your face then sat on the edge of the bathtub, your head in your hands.

After some time had passed, you went back out into the main room. Kylo was in the lounge room, on the phone. You heard a few snippets of conversation that let you know he was talking about some sort of mob deal that didn't concern you.

You sunk onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Somehow, your mind was racing but it was also completely blank. You had so many thoughts that it was impossible grab on to any of them specifically, they were all just buzzing by in a blur.

You barely noticed Kylo settling into bed next to you. He was rigid, uncomfortable. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked you, turning his head to look at you.

"No." You said instantly.

Kylo paused, wondering what he should do. "Do you want me to leave for a while?"

"No." You repeated. You looked over at him, "I know you don't want to be here but please stay with me."

He stared at you and nodded. "I'm here. I'll stay here." He assured you. He'd heard pleads this way during sex, during deals, times when he'd have his gun pressed against someone's head as they begged for their life...But to have someone ask for him to just be there, he'd never heard that before.

The two of you were silent for a while. He stared at you while you stared at the ceiling. He tensed when he saw tears fall from your eyes and down your cheek but he said nothing. He knew you'd be embarrassed if he did.

"Can you talk to me?" You asked him in a small voice, "About anything. Something stupid, I don't care." You needed to stop your thoughts from racing, you kept thinking of painful memories.

Kylo struggled to think of what to say. Something stupid... "Last night at dinner...That was my first date."

You tried to figure out what he meant. "What do you mean? Our first date? I know it was." You didn't mean to sound irritated.

He shook his head, "That was my first date. The first date I'd ever been on...with anyone."

This actually was a good thing for him to talk about it because it preoccupied your mind. "Huh?" You asked. You understood what he was saying now but you didn't believe it. It was a topic that was far from any worries you were having about your mom and you were glad to think about it instead.

Kylo was pleased that it seemed like he had distracted you. "I don't see the point in them, I've just never been on one. If I want to have sex, I'll pick someone up at a bar or a party." He said like it was obvious.

You couldn't help but laugh, wiping away the tears on your face so that you could turn to look at him. "Most people go on dates for more than just sex." You informed him. You remembered when you had initially met Kylo, when you had gone to dinner with him and Hux, he hadn't brought a date. You thought it was a little weird at the time but it was funny to think about now that you knew Kylo just didn't understand the reason you'd go on a date with someone.

He raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean? Why else would you go on one?"

"Probably to find someone." You said then at his confusion, "Like...find someone that you might be able to fall in love with and start a relationship with."

Kylo wrinkled his nose, "I doubt it, you're being optimistic."

"So last night, that was just to have sex with me?" You asked, propping your head up with your elbow.

"No," He said quickly, not even having to think about it, "You're different. I told you that."

You wanted to smile and maybe you would've if he would've said that at a time when you weren't already so upset. You shook your head and looked down at the sheet under you. "If I'm so different then why would you hold the threat of blackmailing me over my head?"

Kylo was taken back. He wasn't expecting you to bring that up right now. "Do you actually think I'll do that to you?"

You locked eyes with him again and nodded, "Yeah. I do. I can't trust you. I'll never trust you."

Kylo felt that stab in his stomach again. He glanced down, nope you didn't have an actual knife this time either. The worst part was that it was all his fault that you felt this way. It had been his goal from the beginning to push you away and he wondered if there was any way to take it back.

And now those bad thoughts were back. You sat up, turning your back to him. Then, despite yourself you started crying. Hard. You felt so alone.

Kylo was frozen in place. If he had felt a stab in his stomach before, it now felt like someone was twisting the knife and digging it in deeper. He said your name softly, reaching out to you.

When you felt his hand against your back, you shook him off. You stood up, wanting to go into the next room so you didn't have to do this in front of him.

He said your name again and was quickly off of the bed. Kylo grabbed you by your waist, moving so that you were facing him. He wrapped his arms around you.

You struggled against him, this was humiliating for you.

"Please," Kylo sighed, trying to hold you still. "Please," He repeated, "I can't stand seeing you cry."

You weren't sure if it was how desperate that his voice sounded or just how exhausted you were but you found yourself collapsing against him. Then after a few moments of crying against his chest, you wrapped your arms around him, clutching onto the material of his shirt.

He was still uncomfortable with the amount of emotion you were displaying but he was acting on instinct. Comforting you was coming natural to him in this moment, he knew exactly what to do right now, he wasn't sure how. He let you cry against him for a while. He didn't say a word. He just rubbed your back and kissed the top of your head every now and then.

Kylo was sick to his stomach. He knew you were mostly crying because of your mom but there was a part of you that was crying because you were conflicted over your feelings for him and that was entirely his fault.

Last night he beat himself up over feeling this weakness for you but tonight he was just allowing himself to feel it and act on it. He wasn't sure if he'd ever have this opportunity again, to be his true self around you. He ached for the feeling of being normal after getting a taste of it last night.

At some point, he picked you up and carried you to the bed with him. He laid down with his back propped up against the headboard and he placed you in between his legs, so that you could lay against him with your back to his chest.

Just as Kylo was denying his instincts of pushing you away, you were now denying your instincts to do the same with him. He could blackmail you tomorrow, you didn't care, right now you needed his comfort and you were going to let him give it to you.

You both were so tired of fighting. You both needed to give in. Just for the night.

Kylo held you for a long time, letting you cry while he played with your hair and held your hand.

You had calmed down after a while. You were still sad but you were just out of tears, you thought. You were surprised that being this close to Kylo was actually helping.

He kissed your temple and moved so that his cheek was pressed against your skin there. "Tell me about her." He said softly.

You didn't need to ask who he was talking about. Your mom.

You thought about her. "She never wanted a kid," You started, "But she wasn't a terrible mom...She barely talked to me." You couldn't help but laugh a little at that. It sounded sad but it was true. "She's the one who taught me how to paint, it was the only time we ever really connected. My dad hated it because we'd always be so messy and then she'd have to hang up whatever I painted. It was never any good because I was a kid, you know? He'd always take them down when I'd go to sleep." Your tone was bitter but also nostalgic. You never thought about these things, it felt weird to say them out loud.

You were silent again, thinking about it. The bad thoughts came back again but you were more level headed so they didn't upset you as much this time. "It's my fault that she will be all alone when she dies...It's because of what I did. With those troopers, with Hux...I'm the reason that she had to move away and change her name and start over all by herself after her husband died."

Kylo didn't say anything, there was nothing he could say to change the facts and make things easier for you. But he understood what you were feeling. He had felt something similar before.

"My relationship with my mom was...complicated." Kylo tried to find the right words. He knew what he needed to do. He had to open up to you like you had continuously done with him. He needed to level the playing field, give you some information that he didn't want anyone knowing so that you had something to hold over his head like he did with you.

You were shocked but tried not to show it in case he changed his mind. You didn't think he'd ever voluntarily tell you about his past and you wanted to know about it so badly.

"She was an amazing woman. Strong, determined, stubborn..." He trailed off as if he were trying to remember her.

"Sounds like you." You said. You took his hand and started running your fingers over his, giving you something to focus your eyes on.

Kylo smiled at that, "She was much better than I am."

Then his facial expression fell, though your back was turned so you weren't able to see it. "She hated that I was drawn to this life. She tried to do everything she could to make sure I didn't get in with the wrong crowd. I always took it the wrong way. I didn't see it as her caring about me, I just thought she was ashamed of me." His eye twitched, "When she found out..." He didn't finish that sentence, he didn't want to tell you everything so he covered up what he had wanted to say, "That I was part of the mob, she came to talk to me and tried to convince me to get out of it...I didn't obviously...She killed herself." You forced yourself not to make a big reaction. Instead, you squeezed his hand, showing you were acknowledging his honesty. "She killed herself because of me." He repeated in a whisper.

A long moment of silence passed as you both took in his admission. You were crying again. Not because of your mom or your guilt. You were crying because of Kylo's pain. You felt it.

You repositioned yourself so that you could look at him. What you saw was not what you had been expecting.

Kylo hardly looked like himself as he sat there. He was staring at you with a look of fear. He was scared that you were going to blame him or judge him or not understand how much it took for him to tell you that. But also what made him look different was the fact that there were tears coming out of his eyes. Lip quivering and hair falling into his face, Kylo looked as helpless as you felt.

You didn't say anything, just as Kylo had realized earlier, there was nothing you could say to change what happened and take away his pain.

As you stared at each other, openly crying, it became apparent how much you needed each other in that moment.

Somehow the two of you crashed your lips against each other's, overwhelmed with this heart wrenching feeling that you didn't know what to do with.

It was all happening so fast. The two of you were taking each other's clothes off, grasping at each other, sobbing.

You moved onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck to get him as close to you as possible. And then he was inside of you and somehow, it all made sense. All of the hurt that you were both feeling on your own for so many years...it was all because you were meant to share it with each other.

You two were staring into each other's eyes as you moved on top of him. You leaned in and kissed him again. Your tears were mixing with his. "Kylo..." You sighed in pleasure and just the feeling of all of it.

He grasped you tighter, his lips stopped moving against yours as if he were thinking about something.

Then, in a quiet voice, "Call me Ben."

You paused your movements on top of him for just for a moment as you heard what he said. It didn't make sense to you at first but then your mind connected the dots. You remembered the book you had found in his apartment. 'Belongs to: Ben Solo' was what had been written in red ink.

You weren't entirely sure what the details were but it didn't matter. You knew how much this must mean.

You pulled away to look him in the eyes, holding his face in your hands as you started rocking your hips against his again, causing you both to moan. "Ben..." You were breathless as you tried out how it felt to say it. 

Kylo almost stopped breathing when he heard it. It made his tears come faster. This was how it was supposed to be. The two of you completely open and vulnerable with each other. But it could never be like this. He could pretend all that he wanted but he knew that when the two of you went back home, this would all be over. He tried not to think of it even though it was making his stomach drop. No, he needed to live in this moment, he'd never get it again.

Right now, he wasn't Kylo Ren the mafia boss. Right now, he was Ben Solo, the man with the girl of his dreams on top of him. He focused on that feeling even though it was killing him inside, hurting him to know that it was only temporary.

He grabbed you by your hips, helping you move up and down on top of him. "Say it again. I wanna hear you say it again." He was begging, sniffling.

You squeezed his shoulders, meeting all of the thrusts that he was giving you. The way he was angled was hitting your sensitive inner walls in the best way. You tilted your head back, whining, "Oh my god, Ben, you fit so perfect inside me."

He let out a strangled groan, his sobs distorting the sound of it. "I do, I know I do. You feel so good." He brought you closer to him, pressing his face against your chest. "I could do this all the time. The only time I feel alright is when I'm inside you."

Your fingers tangled in his hair. You felt his wet tears against your skin. You'd never felt more unsafe and vulnerable in your life but you felt like it was okay, you were taking care of each other right now.

The two of you moved in the same rhythm, you rocking on top of him and him helping your movements with his arms wrapped around you tightly. The only sounds that could be heard were your bodies meeting each other and the two of you weeping softly along with the moans that were escaping the two of you.

"I'm gonna cum, baby." He told you shakily. You pulled his head away from your chest so you were able to look down at him. He had never called you that before, you noted. It was really like he was a different person right now.

You nodded at him, "I want you to cum." You said as if you were giving him permission instead of the other way around as it usually was. You started riding him faster, letting him in deeper. "Cum for me, Ben. Please, I want it." You whispered, holding his face in your hands.

That's all it took for him to reach his orgasm, to see you looking down at him the way that you were. He didn't take his eyes off of you the entire time that he came, squeezing you and holding you as the shockwaves of pleasure pulsed through him.

You didn't move off of him when he finished, instead you wrapped you arms around him so that his head was against your chest again, letting him catch his breath from what the two of you had just done but also from all of the crying he had done during it.

You gazed off into the distance of the hotel room's darkness while you felt him breathe heavily underneath you.

You were mourning. Not only your mom.

But you were mourning Ben Solo.


	11. Put On a Show

Kylo wasn't sure if he slept for more than an hour that night.

He couldn't believe what he had done, that he had opened up a part of his past to you and that he had allowed himself to live in it. He never thought about Ben or his parents. They seemed like strangers to him but when he was sitting in front of you, seeing you so scared and vulnerable, he felt himself slipping into old patterns.

That's all it had been, he told himself, it had just been a slip up. It wouldn't and it couldn't happen again.

The two of you had planned to go back home that morning. But he didn't want to just yet. After last night, he needed one more night of freedom from reality, not as Ben but as Kylo. 

When you woke up later that morning, Kylo was gone.

He left a note on his pillow that let you know he'd be back soon.

You decided to get your things packed up considering you were supposed to leave in a few hours. As you folded your clothes up, you felt almost numb. This entire trip had been a whirlwind. You weren't sure how you were supposed to just snap back into real life when Hux got back home after you. How were you and Kylo going to pretend nothing had happened between the two of you?

After awhile, Kylo walked through the door with a few bags in his hands.

"I was going to pack for you but I didn't think you'd want me going through your things." You told him, glancing at the clock. You were supposed to leave in a few minutes and he still had his belongings all over the room.

"We're leaving tomorrow instead." He told you matter of factly.

You frowned and shook your head, "No we aren't. You scheduled the plane for today...And besides, Hux and Snoke are coming back-"

"The day after we'll be getting home. I know. I have everything under control" He interrupted you.

By the tone of his voice, it was clear that there was no use in arguing with him. An other night at this hotel? You looked at the bed and frowned. You weren't sure if you wanted to after everything that thad happened the night before.

"Why?" You asked him. As weird as it would be to be home, the thought of being in your own apartment, even if he was still living down the hall, sounded comforting. You had been looking forward to it.

"I have some friends coming to visit us." Kylo told you, a faint smirk tugging at his lips.

You couldn't help but laugh, "Friends? You don't have friends. Who are they?"

"The Knights. And a few others I don't think you've met yet." He told you, setting the bags that he brought in on the table. You didn't even look at them, you were preoccupied with him.

"Yet? What do you mean? Are they coming to the hotel?" Why else would you meet them, you wondered.

As much as Kylo liked watching the gears turn in your head as you questioned him, he decided to give you some mercy. "There's some business that needs to be done and I decided it would be better if we did it away from home. We're going to meet them at a club downtown tonight." He told you.

You shook your head, "I'm not going."

"You are."

"But-"

"You're going because I want you there." Kylo said, "I want to show you off."

You paused your argument at that. Well if he was going to say things like that...fine you'd be going.

"If I'm part of a business deal and get questioned by the cops when we get back, aren't you worried that I'll accidentally tell them something?" You asked him. You were asking more for your sake, you didn't want to fuck anything up.

"I'm not worried. I trust you." Kylo said and locked eyes with you. You remembered how you told him the night before that you'd never trust him. You were surprised that he admitted he trusted you even after that.

You chose not to respond to his admission.

"What about your Knights knowing we went away together? What if they tell Hux or Snoke and they find out about my mom?" You asked him as if he hadn't already thought all of this through, you should've known better.

"They won't find out about your mom." He assured you. "But my Knights have always known I was taking you away for a few days, they aren't going to tell anyone."

At your shock, he continued. "They always need to know where I'm at in case I'm ever in danger. They think I took you away just to be alone with you." Then he moved over to you with a smirk on his face. "I can't wait to tell them all about the dirty things I did to you, I know they're just dying to know."

You bit your lip to keep from smirking back at him. "You won't." You were testing him.

Kylo circled around you, looking down at you like you were his prey. When he got behind you, he put his hands on your shoulders and leaned down so that his lips were by your ear. "I will. They'll want to know all about how well you take my cock, how I fucked you on every surface of his hotel room. I'm going to tell them about how wet that tight pussy of yours gets for me..." He kissed your ear and his breath against it caused you to shiver. "I bet you're even wet right now just thinking about it, aren't you?"

You didn't answer. You both knew you were.

"Let's see, hm?" He asked you tauntingly. He trailed a hand that was on your shoulder, down your arm and across your stomach. Then, he slipped his hands into your pants and past your underwear, his long fingers finding your wet heat. He ran his finger along it a few times, causing you to arch against him, then slowly pulled it out, making sure not to brush it against your clothes. 

He held his finger up to you and you could see the wetness on it. "Look at that. I was right." He then put his finger up to his lips and sucked your juices off of it. He hummed, enjoying the taste of it.

Then, like nothing had happened, he moved away from you. "Go look at what I bought you." He told you, nudging you towards the table with the bags.

You stumbled at first, trying to calm yourself down from all of that. He knew just how to get you.

Kylo noticed and smirked. Yup, he was back to feeling himself again.

"Let me guess. You bought me a dress." You mocked him, grabbing one of the bags. Not that you were complaining but it was sort of a give in at this point if you two were going out.

You opened the bag and saw that you had been right, it was a dress. You pulled it out so you could look at it. It was hot and honestly pretty bad ass. It was a floor length black dress, low cut and tight.

"I was going to have you wear that dress I gave you when we first got here because it looked so good on you. But I figured you'd want something to cover your legs up." He said smugly, motioning towards your legs that you both knew were covered in hickeys.

You rolled your eyes a little at his jab but as you held the dress up to yourself, you couldn't help but grin. You were going to look good, you thought. You glanced into the bag again and saw a small piece of material. You smirked at first because you thought it had been a pair of tiny underwear but as you picked it up, you frowned. It was a...garter? You weren't sure, it wasn't like the lacy ones brides wore under their wedding dresses.

As you made eye contact with Kylo, he titled his head towards the other bag. 

You looked inside and saw a medium sized box. Couldn't be jewelry...Hmm. You took the lid off of the box and frowned in surprise at what was inside.

A gun.

You looked over at him with raised eyebrows. It made sense then, the garter had been to hold the gun against your leg, under your dress, you assumed.

"You might need that tonight." Kylo warned you, talking about the gun that was in your hands. "I looked through your bag and saw you didn't bring your own."

Your mind went back and forth between which to address first. "Don't go through my shit." You decided, then, "A gun? What are we doing tonight?" You asked, he had made it seem like you were just having a fun time at a night club with his "friends". You weren't sure that you and Kylo's definitions of fun were the same thing.

"We're just having a fun time at a night club, princess." Kylo said with a glint in his eyes, as if he could read your thoughts. 

You stood in front of the full length mirror, moving your body in different angles to see if you liked how it looked in the dress. You had your make up done darker than normal and took extra time on your hair...You really looked powerful. 

As Kylo came up behind you, you stared at his reflection. You had to admit, he looked powerful too, but then again, when didn't he?He was wearing a black dress shirt with an all black suit. His hair was (as always) perfectly wavy and messy, pushed back from his face. You decided that you liked the way the scar on his face looked. It made him look dangerous. You had to remind yourself to not start drooling.

He made eye contact with you in the mirror, putting his hands on your waist from behind. You noticed how big his hands looked against you. He made a noise of approval, his eyes roaming everywhere on your body. You looked absolutely stunning, intimidating even. "It'd be a shame if I had to ruin that make up before we even left."

You leaned your head back against him, looking up at him instead of at his reflection. He ran a hand that had been sitting on your waist, up to your neck. He wrapped his hand around your throat and leaned down to kiss you deeply. You sighed into the kiss and he squeezed his grip on you. It made your head swim.

Kylo pulled away so that he could grab at the material of your dress, pulling up the side of it so that he could make sure you had the gun on you. Although you were wearing a form fitting dress, you found the perfect spot on your leg for it to be unseen and also comfortable.

"What a good girl, I didn't even need to help you with it." He praised you. He looked at you in the mirror with your dress still held up by his hand so he could see how the gun looked against your skin. He thought you looked perfect.

Kylo dropped the dress and helped you smooth it out. You were shaking slightly, you weren't sure what you were getting yourself into tonight.

He noticed how you were trembling and he grabbed your hand to steady it. "Don't be nervous." He said gently. He was always able to sense your mood.

Kylo pulled your back against his chest, making eye contact with your reflection. He put his mouth up to your ear.

"Daddy's going to take care of you tonight. I won't let anyone hurt you."

At his words, you exhaled in surprise and felt your legs turn weak, you hadn't been expecting that.

"Oh," Kylo hummed, amused, "I think I found something you like."

He couldn't lie to himself, he liked it too. A lot.

You rolled your eyes, "Shut up." You muttered, embarrassed, you couldn't look at him now. He was always able to find things out like that and use it to push your buttons.

He put his hand against your ass, "That's not very nice, princess. I think you should apologize."

You ignored him, clenching your jaw. You said nothing, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.

Kylo reached his hand back and smacked your ass, grinning at the noise of surprise you made. "I couldn't hear you." He teased, talking about the apology.

"Sorry." You muttered, despite yourself.

Kylo smacked you again, this time harder. "Sorry...who?"

You tensed up, knowing what he wanted you to say. You really didn't want to let him win but the thought of saying it out loud caused you to shiver in pleasure.

"I'm sorry, daddy." You breathed, making eye contact with him in the mirror, which caused him to hum lowly. 

Kylo was teasing you but really, he was just as turned on as you were. It seemed like the two of you were always fighting for dominance and after he had been so weak the night before, it felt so good to be able to control you.

"I can't tell what I like more...when you're a good girl for me or when you're my little brat." He grabbed your ass, where he had just been smacking and he squeezed it.

You knew your answer. It was so much more fun being a brat and your little giggle in response answered that for him, causing him to groan.

Then, a ding.

He sighed as he checked his watch, the alert on his phone told him that you two were already late. "We have to go." He told you then whispered against your neck, "We'll finish this later."

You were disappointed but the nerves of what you might have to do tonight creeped back up. The two of you moved away from each other and straightened out your outfits in the mirror before heading towards the door.

"Oh, um," You turned around so that you could face him, your hand on the handle. You weren't really sure how to say it. You basically just wanted to let him know that you weren't going to hold his vulnerability against him that he'd shown you the night before.

Really, it had changed the entire way you viewed him. Everything about him made more sense. You had always saw him as this cocky murdering asshole. And he still was. But now you knew how damaged he actually was. When it came down to it, Kylo was broken and scared. It made you feel a lot closer to him, you could actually relate to him now.

But you knew he'd never let you see that side of him again. And you weren't sure if you wanted to. His lack of humanity was the only thing stopping you from completely falling for him. You needed him to be a monster to keep him at arms length. And he needed to play the part of the monster to keep you just as far away. It was all part of the game you had to play with each other. The game the both of you were addicted to.

"Last night..." You trailed off, tapping your fingers against the door handle.

"Never happened." The two of you said in unison.

The statement hung in the air, both of you taking it in.

It broke both of your hearts.

It never happened.

That was that. 

Kylo leaned down and pressed his lips against yours. It was tender and it reminded you of the way he'd kissed you yesterday morning when he gave you breakfast in bed.

He frowned into the kiss, it felt like he was saying goodbye to the potential life that he could have with you, the sort of life the two of you had yesterday. He pulled away, forehead against yours.

"Let's go." He whispered.

Kylo was scared of what he'd do if he were alone with you much longer. 

When you got down to the lobby, you were surprised to see that Kylo's Knights were waiting for the both of you. You couldn't help but laugh a little when you saw how much interest they were causing with the other people staying in the hotel. It wasn't everyday that this many attractive men were in the same place, let alone in a hotel lobby. And from the way that they were whispering and smirking at each other, they clearly were up to no good. If you were a stranger, you'd be staring at them too.

They all greeted Kylo, shaking his hand and a few doing that weirdly aggressive side hug that men did with each other.

Kylo had been walking in front of you and after he stepped out of the way from you, you watched how all of their faces changed as you became visible to them. You watched his Knights look you over and watched as they realized how good you looked. A few whistled and the others nudged each other as if to say, 'are you seeing this?'.

"Okay now, control yourselves." Kylo warned them but there was a faint smirk on his lips. He knew you'd love the attention.

You tried not to let it show but their stares did go straight to your head. You thought you looked good in this dress and that had just confirmed it. "Hi guys." You said with a coy smile on your face, as if you had no idea that they were looking at you like that. But really, you knew exactly why.

Kylo wrapped an arm around your waist and allowed them to say hello to you individually.

When it got to Vicrul, he held his hand out and you put yours in his, assuming he was going to shake it. But instead, he brought your hands up to his lips and pressed them against your skin for a brief moment.

"You look amazing." He told you, looking into your eyes. It could've been friendly enough but the look in his eyes said otherwise.

You didn't know what to say, Kylo interrupted him.

"This dress fits her well, doesn't it?" He noted. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your jaw, his hand digging into your waist as he did so, as if it turned him on to see these men checking you out. You should've been upset with Kylo for being affectionate so openly when you were supposed to be hiding your relationship but you weren't. It felt good to flash how physical the two of you had been over the past days in front of someone else.

It was then that you actually looked at the Knights and what they were wearing. All black. Just like Kylo and just like you. The group of you together looked like an army. It felt like you were a part of something and from the looks that you were all getting, maybe you were.

"Is everything going according to plan?" Kylo asked, keeping his face close to your skin as he did so, pressing a final kiss to your upper neck, before pulling away.

You felt like all of the men were staring at the contact, eager to see more.

"Yeah. We have a private room reserved. They're meeting us there." One of the other Knights informed him.

Kylo smirked, pleased. 

All of you had taken a limo together which you thought was sort of ridiculous even if it secretly made you feel special. You understood that everyone wanted to ride together so you needed a big enough car but the limo was so flashy. When all of you had exited the vehicle, people were looking as if they were wondering if you were famous. And you sort of looked like it, all of you were gorgeous and you had just gotten out of such an expensive car.

The club was huge and it was crowded, the line to get into the door was around the block. The bouncers were walking up and down the line, picking out the best looking or richest looking people to jump out of line and make their way inside. Much to your liking, the group of you walked right up to the entrance.

Kylo walked up to the bouncer. You weren't able to make out exactly what he was saying to him but after a few words were exchanged, the bouncer nodded and lowered the ropes for him. Everyone in line groaned and starting yelling at your group, pissed that you had been able to skip the line.

Kylo turned around and motioned for his Knights to walk in before him. You went to join in with them but he shook his head at you, wrapping an arm around your lower back and pulling you close to his side. He didn't want you anywhere without him.

When you entered into the building, you were met with loud thumping music and people everywhere. The lights were low and there were small elevated stages throughout the dance floor with gorgeous strippers on them. A worker came up to the group of you, letting Kylo know that she'd be showing you to your VIP room. He moved so that he was leading the group of Knights, you at his side.

As the group of you followed the worker, it made everyone who you passed stop and stare, moving out of the way for you. It was like a movie, the way that all of you were strutting into the club with purpose.

When you all got into the private room, you realized it was even more like a movie. For you, at least. You weren't used to things like this, Hux didn't like going out to these sort of places.

It was a small circular room with a 'U' shaped plush couch around it's edges. In the middle of the couch was a low table filled with different bottles of drinks, glasses, and ice. The room was dark and the only lights were red hued, giving everything a sexy and dangerous haze to it.

The Knights comfortably started taking their seats, grabbing at the liquor in front of them to pour themselves drinks. You waited for Kylo to sit down at the center of the 'U' then cautiously took a seat next to him, the men on either of your sides.

"What do you want, princess?" Kylo asked you about the drinks in front of you, brushing his lips against your ear so that you could easily hear him over the music without having to raise his voice.

You felt butterflies to see him being so attentive of you even though you had expected him not to be in this setting. You told him you wanted champagne (you were captivated by the way he easily popped the cork with just one hand) and he poured you a glass of it then handed it to you. He poured himself a glass of whiskey and then held it up to yours.

"Cheers," He started. He went to clink his glass against yours but you moved yours out of the way.

"To what?" You asked him, raising an eyebrow, smirking.

Kylo narrowed his eyes as he thought it over. There were many things that he could 'cheers' to. How close the two of you had gotten during your time alone, was the first thing that popped into his mind. But he didn't want to say that in front of everyone. This was his time to get back into the groove of being a mob boss, there was no time to be soft.

"To how you look tonight." Kylo answered, letting his eyes wander up and down your body before clinking his drink with yours. You let him this time, feeling your skin heat up at the way that he was looking at you.

As you took the sip of your drink, Kylo leaned towards the men on his side, "How long until they get here?" He asked.

One of them checked their phone, "45 minutes." He answered.

Kylo nodded and soon all of them began to discuss something. It was loud in there, you'd have to put in effort to hear what they were saying and you weren't sure that you wanted to. You knew you were going to have to talk to the cops when you got back home and the less you knew, the better.

At some point, while they had been talking, you heard Kylo mumble, "Come here" before he pulled you onto his lap. He didn't even take his eyes off of his Knights as he did it.

Your first instinct was to resist him but you couldn't help but melt against him when you were situated on top of him. You weren't exactly uncomfortable at a place like this but it was nerve-racking to not fully know what the plan was, what you were doing there. Being so close to him made you feel safer, which was ironic considering who he was.

Kylo put a hand on your upper thigh, rubbing against the material of your dress. He was trying to turn you on and he was pretending that he wasn't. You could do that too, you thought. You shifted so that your ass was pressed against his crotch before you starting moving your hips so that you were grinding against him.

He tensed underneath you, squeezing your thigh. You winced a little at how he was pressing against the sore bruised parts of your skin. "You wanna play games?" He whispered, "You know I'll win." He hissed.

"Really?" You asked him, looking at him over your shoulder. "It feels like I'm winning." You grinned, referring to how you felt him growing harder against you.

Kylo let out a humorless chuckle. His eyes were dancing as he thought of all of the things that he could do to you right now to show you how much he had the upper hand. He broke the eye contact with you.

"So," Kylo cleared his throat, causing his Knights to stop what they were talking about and lean in so that that were able to hear him. "I learned something new today."

They were curious, listening intently.

You frowned, confused as to what his angle was. You thought he had been teasing you but maybe he was too busy to right now.

"This little slut," He said lazily as he motioned to you on his lap, "Likes to be spanked."

He said it so matter-of-factly that you almost missed it. But then it registered in your mind what he had actually just said out loud and you froze in shock.

The body language of the Knights changed, they started leaning in more, drawn to the two of you like electricity.

"Really?" Ushar was amazed, sitting on Kylo's right. He was looking directly at you even though Kylo had been the one to talk.

"Tell them." Kylo urged you, smugly whispering in your ear. Yup, he was winning.

You shook your head, you didn't know where to look. They were all staring at you hungrily. As uncomfortable as you felt on the surface, deep down it did turn you on for Kylo to be talking dirty like this in front of all of these men.

"I don't know why she's being so shy. You should see her when we're alone." Kylo said to them, then kissed your neck, "Do you want to show them what a good girl you are for me, princess?" He asked against your skin, biting it briefly before licking the spot he had just bitten. His question was loud enough for most of the men to hear and they were excited at the idea, shifting in their seats.

You didn't say anything, the blood rushing straight to your face. This was so, so wrong. It was amazing. You subconsciously moved your hips against his, wanting friction.

Kylo noticed this and grinned against you. "You do." He stated, "I can feel the heat coming off of you." He said, placing a few more kisses against your skin. He moved his kisses from your neck so that they were on your lips. He kissed you deeply, running his tongue and teeth along your bottom lip.

The Knights were staring intently, enjoying the show. They had been disappointed when they realized Kylo wasn't getting any of the strippers from the dance floor to meet them inside but now they were glad that he didn't, this was much better.

You kissed him back with a shudder of pleasure, the adrenaline pumping through your body from knowing you were being watched was making your head swim.

Kylo loved it just as much as you did. It really was the ultimate power trip to know that he had complete control of your body and complete control of his Knight's actions. He could do whatever he wanted with you, no matter how wrong it felt and he was the reason why the Knights would never do anything to you without his permission even if they were dying to. He was completely in charge and rubbing it in all of your faces.

Kylo pulled away and something flashed across his face. It made you nervous. Before you had time to question it, he was picking you up and moving you so that you were laying across his lap, your ass up in the air.

You attempted to sit back up but he held you down with his hand pressed against your back. He leaned so that you would be able to hear him clearly. "Don't worry, princess. Remember what I told you before we left. Daddy's going to take care of you." Kylo cooed in your ear, his gentle words made you even more surprised when you felt his hand come down and smack your ass.

You yelped, startled at the contact.

Kylo rubbed your skin where he had just smacked, then slapped his hand down in the same spot. You jumped against him but instead of surprise, this time you moaned out in delight at the feeling of it and how you knew the Knights were watching. You wondered what they were doing, you weren't able to see in the position that you were in. You were glad that this room was completely private, security guards standing outside of it.

"See, there she is," He was addressing his Knights, in a way that said 'told you so', then lower to you, "there's my good girl." He was praising you since you were openly enjoying yourself now instead of trying to hold back. If he were going to put on a show for his Knights, he wanted it to be a good one.

You whimpered at his words, you swore you could feel the Knight's eyes all over you. When you woke up this morning, this is the last place you would've ever guessed you be.

Kylo slapped your ass again then you felt him lift your dress up and gather the material around your waist. You were exposed from the waist down now, covered only by the small material of your panties.

You heard some grunts and movements from the Knights. You were able to see a few of their feet with the way that you were positioned and it looked like they moved so that they were closer to you, trying to get a better view.

"She has the perfect ass, doesn't she?" Kylo murmured, running his finger tips along the spot he had just been slapping.

You heard noises and words of agreement from the other men which caused you to bite your lip.

Kylo's hand then trailed down to the backs of your thighs, which were covered in the marks he'd left behind the day before yesterday. They were still dark and sore, easily seen even in the dark red lights of the room. They must've noticed them because Kylo started pressing down on each mark, making you wince. "I told you guys she's a little slut. She loves when I hurt her." He said proudly. "Don't you, princess?" He asked you in a gentle voice.

You didn't say anything, you were nervous that if you started saying things out loud, you would get ahead of yourself and let them know how much you were really enjoying this.

Your lack of response upset Kylo. He smacked the backs of your thighs, on the spot with the most marks which made you cry out in pain. "Tell me." He told you, his voice was losing it's gentleness.

You faltered for a moment, mouth opening and closing as you thought about whether you could even say it out loud. Then when he slapped you again in the same spot, you gasped and said, "I love it when you hurt me."

This caused Kylo and his Knights to make noises of satisfaction, hearing you say those words out loud.

"That was good but I'm not sure who you're talking to..." Kylo taunted you, his lips down by your ear.

You were confused but then realized what he meant. God, you hated him for how much he was taking advantage of this... "I love it when you hurt me, daddy."

Kylo chuckled and you heard a few of the Knights do the same. Your face burned in embarrassment. 

"What do you think, guys?" Kylo addressed the men who were all gathered around you eagerly. "Do you think I should let her cum?" While he asked that, he ran his fingers along your slit through the outside of your panties. You couldn't help but open your legs up to give him easier access, arching your back up into his touch.

The men were standing around you, a few of them touching themselves through their pants and the others were just staring intently, as if you were the most intense movie they'd ever watched, their eyes never leaving Kylo's hand against you.

You heard a few of them agree, that you should be able to cum. They were desperate for it, they wanted to see what kind of sounds you'd make.

But then, you heard, "I don't think she's earned it yet." You recognized the voice. Vicrul.

You tensed up. Remembering who was in the room made it more intimate, you had conversations with him outside of this before, it made it even more humiliating.

"Hmm." Kylo pondered, continuing his movement between your legs, casually. "I think you're right...Vicrul, why don't you make her earn it?"

His words made you freeze. What did that mean?

"Spank her. Just like I was. She loves it." Kylo explained himself. Then, he hooked his fingers under your panties and pulled them off of you, pulling them around the gun that was strapped to your leg so that they were pooled at the floor around your ankles, on top of the heels he had bought you.

You were completely exposed now. The Knights noticed, moving in closer to get a better look, rubbing their growing erections through their pants.

You didn't have time to think about what he had just said out loud because you were distracted by a smack against the ass cheek that Kylo had been neglecting earlier. It was from a different angle which let you know it had been Vicrul who had delivered it.

You gasped in shock at the fact that he had actually done it. You grasped at Kylo's ankle, once again ironically feeling more safe when he was closer to you. At least you were familiar with him.

Kylo sensed your need for him, which pleased him, and he put a hand on the back of your neck while the other hand went to your slick heat. "You're doing such a good job, princess, we're all so proud of you." He cooed softly with a smug smirk on his face.

Kylo ran his long fingers up and down your wetness while Vicrul smacked you again, his eyes growing dark with lust as he watched how a red mark was forming on your skin where he had just made impact.

"Yeah, just like that." Kylo coached him, approving of the way that he was treating you. He slipped a finger in between your folds and pulled his finger out slowly.

Kylo held his finger up and the Knights instantly moved in so that they could see the wetness glistening on it. "She's just dripping, she gets so wet." You heard Kylo suck his finger, "And she tastes so good."

The other Knights were groaning out loud now, past the point of feeling reserved in showing their arousal.

"Faster." He instructed Vicrul. And at that, you started receiving quick hard smacks to your skin. Vicrul wasn't showing you mercy, landing his blows on the same red spots over and over again so that it began to really sting.

While he was doing this, Kylo was rubbing your clit, going at just the right amount of speed so that you were getting closer and closer to the edge but not quite reaching it. His other hand was squeezing at your neck, applying the amount of pressure that he already knew you loved.

During this, the Knights had pulled their erections from their pants, freely stroking themselves. Vicrul was included on this, pumping his hand up and down his cock while he continued to spank you.

The only person who wasn't touching themselves or being touched, was Kylo. That was exactly what he wanted. After all, this entire thing for him was just to display his power. He didn't need to get off, the ego trip was enough for him. He loved knowing that he was in charge of the entire situation. He loved knowing that they all wanted to touch you so badly and the only thing stopping them was their fear for what he'd do to them.

You were so sore and so close to reaching your peak. You were a whining mess. "Please, Kylo, please." You cried, your nails digging into his ankle.

Kylo watched you with a look on his face that said, 'how pathetic'. He loved it. "I'm not the only one in the room, princess. You have to beg all of us." He told you, slipping two fingers into your entrance, he couldn't help himself.

You growled in frustration. Your skin was on fire where Vicrul was smacking you, you wanted to reach back and smack him, you needed it to stop. You knew the Knight's names and despite yourself, you begged each of them out loud, saying please and then each of their names.

This really got them going. You could tell that they were all close.

"Do you think she's earned it now, Vicrul?" Kylo asked him since he was the one who had objected earlier. Kylo's fingers continued to rub and pump in and out of you as he spoke to the man standing across from him, as if all of this were an everyday occurrence.

Vicrul could hardly contain himself. He nodded, the rhythm on himself faltering as he tried not to finish just at the thought of you orgasming partly because of something that he was doing to you.

"Hmm, it's your lucky day." Kylo taunted you. "I want you to cum for us, princess. And then they're all going to cum for you."

You nodded, anything, you'd do anything if it meant you could finish.

At that, Kylo picked up the pace of his movements. He curled his fingers up so that he could stroke your inner walls deeply while his thumb rubbed quick circles on your clit. 

You let the waves of pleasure roll off of you intensely. You didn't know how long you had been moaning and convulsing on Kylo's lap but when you came to, you saw that the Knights feet were all gathered around you, close to each other.

You heard Kylo say, "Go ahead." And then you heard a chorus of groans and grunts. You were barely coherent as you felt warm streams hit your exposed back and skin of your sore ass. It took a moment for you to realize that the Knights had all just came onto your back, completely using you and your body.

You stared ahead in shock at that. You should feel so ashamed and humiliated. But you didn't...You felt good. 'What is wrong with me?' You asked yourself, your mouth hanging in a low 'O' as you thought about everything that all of you had just done.

There were a few moments of silence as they collected themselves. Kylo was rubbing the back of your head the entire time, reminding you that he was there with you. "Leave so I can clean her up. Come back in when they get here." Kylo told them. He was so casual about all of this, like it had just been an other day in the office. You watched all of their feet leave the room.

Kylo grabbed some napkins from the table next to you and a bottle of water that had been sitting with the rest of the drinks. He wet the napkins and started to clean you off. He was being gentle about it, making sure that he was touching you lightly on all of your sore skin. Throughout all of this, he was whispering praise to you, telling you that you were such a good girl and you did such a good job.

Once you were totally clean and dry, he helped you pull your underwear up and dress down. He picked you up, assisting you to stand on your feet on your own. You wobbled at first, heels weren't easy even before all of that and he made sure to hold you in place until you could handle it. Kylo looked down at you and started fixing the messy parts of your hair, wiping away any smeared make up, taking care of you.

You two locked eyes and you thought you'd be dying of embarrassment, but surprisingly, you weren't. After all of that, you just felt closer to Kylo than before. It was kind of sick, really, how addicted to him you were.

Kylo moved back so that he was able to look you over. After a few more adjustments he thought you looked exactly how you had when you first walked in. Absolutely gorgeous. He felt something in his stomach twist. He thought after having the Knights do that to you, he'd view you differently. He wanted to do it so that he didn't fucking feel like Ben anymore around you. But seeing you look up at him with wide eyes, he felt those feelings rush back. Even after everything he'd just witnessed.

Kylo swallowed hard. He was in deep. Too deep to get out.

"Where have you been my whole life?" Kylo asked you breathlessly before pressing his lips against yours, hard.


	12. Cowards

Kylo spent the next couple of minutes that the two of you had alone in the club's private room, comforting you and bringing you back down to Earth. You sat on his lap, where you had been before everything that had just taken place with his Knights.

He ran his fingers up and down your back, kissing you on your lips and your forehead, whispering to you how beautiful you were and how good of a job you did. You tried to picture this man being the same one who had just done all of those things to you in front of his men and you noted that the lines between his personalities were starting to blur. Before you had viewed him as two different people but now those people were starting to merge into one. Even in times when he had all of the control, like he just had, he was still gentle with you and now here he was, looking after you right before a mafia business deal instead of preparing for it, as if you were the only thing that mattered to him.

You were overwhelmed by this feeling of affection for him, realizing this. In the back of your mind, you remembered how you'd be going home tomorrow and this would all be over. You took his hand into yours and squeezed it. "Kylo..." You muttered. You weren't even sure what you wanted to say but you were just feeling so much right now, it felt weird to keep it hidden in your thoughts. 

He moved his dark eyes up to yours, "What is it?" He asked in a soft voice. You were close enough that you were able to hear him over the thumping music.

You opened your mouth then closed it, you didn't know what to say.

Before you could gather your thoughts, the Knights entered the room, this time with four new men behind them, the ones that were suppose to meet you there, you assumed.

Kylo nodded to them in acknowledgment then looked back at you, giving you a chance to finish what you had started to say. The urge to do so was gone, the Knights were reminders of what your life was. It would be easier to not say anything at all. "Nothing." You said to him, averting your gaze down to his hand connected with yours.

He paused, knowing that it wasn't 'nothing' from the look in your eyes. But now wasn't the time to press it. He nodded with a frown before pressing a quick kiss to your forehead.

The new men were walking over to Kylo to greet him and you got the hint, moving from his lap into the spot next to him.

The men stood with Kylo to shake his hand and greet him. You watched as the Knights took their spots on the couch. They were all acting as if nothing happened, as if they didn't all just jerk off onto your back. It hit you then, the reason why they had been casual about it was because it was far from the most depraved thing they'd done together as a group. Maybe they'd done something even worse earlier today, you wouldn't be surprised. You knew their reputation of being hedonistic when it came to everything; sex, violence, drugs, alcohol, spending money... It was one of the reasons that they were so loyal to Kylo. He was able to provide them with all of those things.

You tried to be as casual as them, wanting to fit in. But it was much harder for you, this was far from what you were used to. It didn't make it easier when you locked eyes with Vicrul and he gave you a cocky smirk and a wink. Jesus, not only were you going to have to pretend nothing happened when you were reunited with Hux but you also were going to have to talk to Jessica like her boyfriend hadn't spanked you in front of an audience.

Everyone was now settled onto the couch, introductions were over. You hadn't been formally introduced to the newest men into the room and that didn't matter much to you, the less of a trace you had back to this time and place, the better, you thought.

The men all started talking about something that you couldn't fully hear, your mind was wandering off again. Would Kylo still treat you like this when you were back home? Was this all just an act? An other way for him to get closer to you so that he could eventually take down not only you, but Hux as well? He was so determined to break you and completely own you...Maybe this was all just a part of that and you were falling for it.

You grabbed at the champagne glass you'd abandoned earlier, taking a long sip from it, trying to pause your racing mind.

The only thing that snapped you out of your thoughts was what one of the men had just said, "She's Hux's girlfriend, isn't she?" He asked, as if he were just now realizing it. The men grew uncomfortable as they remembered the way you had been sitting on Kylo's lap when they first walked in, knowing that they saw something that they shouldn't have.

You froze, the glass against your lips. You looked to Kylo to see his reaction but there wasn't one, he was just sitting there blankly. "She is." He answered for you.

"Oh," The man chuckled awkwardly, taken back. "I, um...I didn't realize he had gone out of town with you guys too."

"He didn't." Kylo correct him. He was still completely calm. You were far from it, your heart speeding up at the mention of the man that you were hiding away from. 

At the men's confusion, Kylo continued. "I brought her here alone so I could fuck her behind Hux's back." He said matter-of-factly.

You groaned and rolled your eyes, at this point you weren't even surprised. Why did he always have to do shit like this?

"And I have fucked her. A few times." Kylo said, his face still blank but his eyes were lit up at the mention of it. "Actually, I let my Knights have some fun with her too before you four showed up." He said. His hand landed on your knee, pulling you closer to him. 

At the mention of them, the Knights grinned smugly, a few high giving each other and making little comments about what you all had just done together, like teenage boys.

"Kylo!" You hissed, attempting to push away from him. Okay, at this point you were actually surprised with his boldness. You wanted to kill him. You had done so much to keep this hidden from Hux, this trip and your relationship with Kylo and now he was ruining all of that just so he could brag? You clenched your jaw, trying not to get emotional, realizing how little he valued your feelings in this moment.

He squeezed his hand on your knee as if that would comfort you while the men were just as shocked as you, taking in that information. They were shifting in their seats, sweating.

"Maybe you should call Hux and let him know who his girlfriend's with, what she's been doing." Kylo told them, the smugness in his eyes that had been there before was replaced with anger as he looked at the nervous men across from him.

You looked at him in shock, "No, don't do that." You said quickly, looking over at the men now.

Everyone ignored you.

"W-what? Why would we do that?" A different man spoke up, visibly swallowing hard.

You felt like you were missing something, why would Kylo do this to you? If he were just doing this so that he could boost his own ego, you honestly thought that you were going to attempt to kill him when you got the chance.

"Why wouldn't you?" Kylo drawled out, raising his eyebrow. "It wouldn't be the first time you defied me and Snoke in order to stay loyal to Hux."

The gears in your head were turning. You looked these men over, they did seem a little familiar to you...They had obviously seen you before since they had recognized who you were.

"These are some of the troopers who your boyfriend sent to kill me." Kylo informed you, loud enough for the men to hear.

It made sense then, why Kylo had called them to meet up with him so far away from home. To kill them without any traces. Your mouth went dry. What were you going to be witnessing? You understood why he was telling them all of your secrets. They weren't going to leave this room alive.

The men were panicked now, you could tell. They must not have realized Kylo's motive to get them out here and it was dawning on them now.

"I thought you killed them." You said in a hushed voice.

"I did. There were more. They were too scared to show up when the others did." He motioned towards the men, "Cowards." He said in their direction which caused some of the Knights to chuckle in agreement. You could sense their excited energy just as you had earlier when they were staring at you bent over Kylo's lap.

"Tell me." Kylo said, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "What did Hux tell you to do to me? How did he convince you to do it?"

You winced at his question. You weren't sure if you wanted to hear it. It didn't surprise you that Hux had wanted to kill off Kylo but after seeing Kylo's soft side, the idea of him being taken by surprise and hurt made your stomach drop. As much as you hated to admit it to yourself, you felt the need to protect him.

The men were staring at each other, at a loss. What were they supposed to do? No matter what they answered, they were going to be backstabbing someone. Without being able to explicitly confirm it with each other, the four of them were going to have to decide whether they wanted to betray Hux or Kylo.

None of them said anything. For a moment, you almost felt bad for them. They were terrified.

"You aren't going to tell me?" Kylo asked, his tone was bored.

SIlence.

Kylo looked to his Knights and gave them a shrug, rolling his eyes, as if this entire thing was just an annoyance to him.

That was the cue, you realized.

The Knights moved from their seats, grinning at the fact that they were now allowed to do what they wanted to.

For what felt like hours, though it hadn't been, you watched in horrified fascination as Kylo's Knights tortured these men, trying to push them to their limits so that they would tell them what they needed to hear.

You weren't sure why you didn't try to stop them or at least look away. It was like you were a deer in headlights, frozen in place and unable to tear your gaze away from the violence in front of you.

They were asked the same questions over and over again and when they didn't give a response, they were punched or kicked or stabbed... You assumed that you had disassociated, your brain tricking you into thinking you weren't really there.

Kylo watched just as intently as you were but he was fully present, laughing at the Knight's comments as they hurt these men, his eyes dancing in excitement. You bent over his lap had been his first round of entertainment for the night and now, this was the second.

"Okay fine!" One of them yelled, holding his hands up surrender. He had a bloody nose and his eye was swollen. "Hux promised he would double our pay for the next five years if we agreed to get rid of you."

Kylo raised an eyebrow, humming in approval. He made a hand gesture that said 'more', obviously that was not all that he wanted to know.

The man faltered, not ready to give everything up just yet. But the gun that had been placed on the back of his head by one of the Knights convinced him. "He wanted you to think you were going to talk to someone about making a deal...we were supposed to ambush you...Some of us did." He explained, clearly these four had been too scared to do it and hadn't joined in the first time. You remembered how you'd drunkenly wandered over to Kylo's apartment after it happened. The troopers had given him that scar you were starting to love. "When Hux found out that you killed them, he told us that he'd triple our pay if we finished the job."

Kylo thought about everything that he said. For a moment you wondered if he was going to let them leave after that or maybe he'd make a deal himself with them. But instead, he nodded to the Knight standing behind the man who had just spoke and before you could comprehend what happened, the Knight shot him the back of the head, blood spraying across the room.

It was loud enough in the club and the private room was far enough away from the crowds that you knew the sound would go unnoticed, the silencer on the end of the gun helping with that as well. But even if no one outside of the room was effected by it, that didn't mean that you weren't.

You sat in shock, unable to move. Kylo squeezed the hand that was still on your knee but you hardly registered it. It occurred to you just then that you would be in the same position as these men if you gave information to the cops that you weren't supposed to...You tried to steady yourself, putting your hands on the couch underneath you to ground you to the reality of what was going on. You were one wrong step away from being in their exact spot.

You looked to Kylo but his eyes were trained on the man who had just been shot, his jaw clenched in his approval. He addressed the Knights, "Go watch outside."

The knights obeyed, moving out of the room so that they could be on guard outside of the door. 

Now it was just you, Kylo, and the three remaining traitors.

Kylo quickly raised his gun in the air, in the direction of the men as if to warn them not to try anything stupid now that they were outnumbering the two of you.

Instead of keeping his eyes on the men, Kylo turned his head and stared at you instead. "Do you understand what's going on, princess?" He asked in a calm voice.

You didn't acknowledge his question, too nervous to do so.

"This is what happens when you betray me." He told you, his head motioning towards the dead man on the floor, the back of his skull exposed. You couldn't even look. It was clear now why he wanted you to be here to witness this. It was a warning.

"I know you're my good girl but when we get back home, the cops are going to do everything they can to get you to deceive me. They're going to threaten you and they're going to make you think that if you don't give them what they want, that they'll arrest you. In those moments when you question your loyalty, I need you to remember this," He motioned again to the man, "And remember that the only person you should be afraid of is me."

And at that, while maintaining eye contact with you, he pulled the trigger three times, killing the other men in front of you.

You jumped with each sound of the gun firing but your eyes stayed locked on Kylo's. Mostly because you didn't want to see the dead bodies now laying on the floor. It was terrifying how accurate he had been with the weapon even when he wasn't looking at his targets.

He was right. You should be afraid of him. You were.

And then, Kylo's lips were on yours. His gun abandoned next to him on the couch so that he could hold your face in both of his hands.

You didn't kiss back right away, you were still taken back from everything that you'd just seen and from realization of the pressure you were going to be under when you got back home. But the feeling of Kylo's hands moving from your cheeks to around your neck caused you to give in, kissing him.

He held both of his hands around your throat but didn't squeeze, it was an other threat from him. He could kill you right now. It would be easy to do, he realized in that moment. They were already going to have to clean up these other bodies. You were not nearly strong enough to put up a fight against him, the struggle wouldn't last long. With you being dead, the possibility of information getting out to the police would be gone.

Kylo even considered it, flexing his fingers against your skin. If you were dead, he wouldn't have to worry about you all the time, wonder what you were doing, crave your touch...He really wanted to kill you.

But he couldn't. He needed you.

At this realization, he groaned against your lips. You had so much power over him, he wasn't sure if you even realized it.

Kylo moved so that he was able to help you lay down on the couch, moving his body over yours. You instinctively wrapped a leg around his waist, pulling him down closer to you. You tried not to think about the men who Kylo had just killed, laying in the same room as you. Having him on top of you and so close to you despite everything running through your mind, comforted you. He was the only thing that felt familiar.

Kylo was hasty and almost rough with his movements against you. He hadn't been able to reach his release earlier like you and his men had. And now the rush of just killing these men was coursing through his body. He knew that he should wait until you were back at the hotel due to the fact that he could get caught while he was preoccupying his mind with you but he didn't care. He hoped that his Knights would be able to keep things in control outside of the room because he was definitely losing control inside of it.

"Do you want me to fuck you, princess?" He asked you breathlessly against your lips, kissing and biting you. 

You knew you should say no. You had just watched him murder multiple people and the evidence of it was only a few feet away. But you couldn't help it. You needed to feel close to him.

You nodded, your hands gripping onto his arms that were holding him up above you. "Please, Kylo." 

Kylo moaned, releasing your bottom lip from his teeth. "Oh, you're such a dirty girl. You know how easily I could kill you, just like I did with them, and you're still begging for it."

You tightened your grip on him, arching your back up towards him at his words. "I am a dirty girl. I'm your dirty girl, Kylo. I'm yours." You told him desperately and tilted your head up so that you were able to kiss him. You wanted to tell him everything you knew he wanted to hear, you wanted him inside you so that you could feel normal again.

He loved hearing you say that, reminding him of how much he owned you. He constantly had your life in his hands, the burden of it was overwhelming. "Yes you are. You're mine. All fucking mine." He agreed with you. He moved his kisses from your lips down to your neck and his hand found your breast, rubbing at your nipple that was becoming hard through the material of your dress.

Your hands went to his hair now, tangling your fingers in it as he attacked your neck with gentle kisses. You were glad that he was being careful not to leave any marks there. You already had so many to worry about. You shut your eyes in pleasure, sighing at the way that his touch felt.

"Kylo..." You breathed his name out loud, pulling his hair just slightly when he pinched your nipple. 

You heard some rustling going on and your eyes fluttered open, confused as to how Kylo was making noise when he was on top of you.

What you saw when your eyes opened, was one of the men who Kylo had attempted to kill, standing over the two of you with his gun drawn.

It was too much for you to process in the moment but what happened was that the man had been wearing a bullet proof vest and Kylo had shot him at his stomach, not being able to perfectly aim at his head since he had been looking at you instead. Although the bullet had wounded the man, he was still alive and clearly he was attempting to get his revenge.

"Kylo." You said, this time you weren't moaning. No, you were panicked. You tried pushing him off of you, scrambling underneath his weight.

Kylo didn't notice the change in tone, he moaned obliviously, "Say my name again. I love the way it sounds leaving that filthy mouth of yours." He continued kissing your neck, hands running up and down your body. He had no idea what was going on behind him.

The man got into position to shoot Kylo in the back of the head, moving his finger to the trigger of his gun.

You knew it was no use trying to get Kylo to notice, even if he did, it would be too late.

You weren't even thinking, you were just reacting.

You had to save Kylo.

Your hand went to your thigh, grasping onto the gun that was attached to the garter.

Then in one swift motion, you held your gun up and fired it. The bullet went straight into the man's skull, causing him to drop to the floor.

You were in a daze, staring at the now empty spot in front of you where the man had previously been standing. You held your gun in the same position it had been in when you fired it, shaking, you couldn't move. You were in shock at what you'd just done. 

Kylo was shocked as well, the sound of the gun has been so close to him and it had seemingly came out of nowhere, it startled him. He jumped away from you, his eyes wild as he looked around the room to see what happened. He looked at the ground, at the man, then back up at you. He was able to piece it together.

He said your name cautiously, you still had the gun in your hands and he knew better than to talk to you any louder than he was in case you accidentally pulled the trigger out of surprise.

You started breathing heavy, on the verge of hyperventilating. "He was...H-he was going to shoot you." You said, your voice shaking.

Kylo nodded slowly, processing what had just happened. He felt his heart swell. You saved his life, his princess saved him.

The door to the private room swung open and a few Knights rushed inside to see what happened. You didn't have silencer on your gun so they must've been able to hear it and they had feared the worst, knowing Kylo's gun would've been quieter. The knights took in the scene, with you still holding the gun up, they were able to figure out what happened. 

You calmed yourself down enough to carefully put the gun back into your garter and move so that you were sitting up on the couch instead of laying on it. You felt like you were in a different world.

Kylo came over to you, knees on the ground so that he was eye level with you. He put his hands on yours. "Are you okay?" He asked you. 

As you looked into his eyes you realized that he was worried about you. You didn't know if you were okay or not, you couldn't really think about it. But just for his sake, you nodded your head. You didn't like seeing that look in his eyes. "I want to go home." You told him quietly.

Kylo agreed, "Yeah, we'll go back to the hotel now."

You made a noise of frustration, "No, Kylo. I want to go home." Everything felt so foreign right now. You were in an unfamiliar place, you had done unfamiliar things with unfamiliar people and you just needed something you could understand. You wanted your apartment and your bed and your belongings. Fuck, even the thought of the laundry you needed to fold and put away was giving you comfort right now.

He sighed, glancing back at the Knights. "I'll see what I can do." He told you in a hushed tone. The last thing that he wanted to do was get the plane here and go back home. He was looking forward to going back to the hotel with you and fucking you a few more times before you fell asleep in his arms. But you had just saved him and he knew it wasn't easy for you, you weren't used to this like he was. He was going to try his best to give you what you wanted.

You sat on the couch, looking down at your hands while he talked to his Knights and they all made phone calls. Your hands in front of you were the ones that had just taken someone's life...Your mind went back to when you had killed those troopers who killed your dad. It felt like you were back in that moment but everything was so different now.

When you killed those troopers almost two years ago, you thought that you were going to be killed by Snoke. Now, you knew you were safe.

It felt worse somehow, to realize that you weren't going to even have to worry about paying for your actions. The worst thing that could realistically happen to you right now was that you were going to have to stay in a five star hotel for an extra night instead of your paid off upscale apartment.

You hated yourself in that moment. You were so privileged, so lucky, so spoiled. You killed someone and it didn't even matter. You would just go back to your comfortable, easy life like it never even happened. 

Sure, he had tried to kill Kylo (and most likely you too) so you could tell yourself it was self defense. But at the end of the day, the reason why he was being interrogated in the first place was because your boyfriend was pushed over the edge by Kylo's presence in your life. No matter how you tried to justify it to yourself, this man's death was your fault.

You looked down at the trooper you had just shot, with his blood pooling around him on the floor and you wondered what his life was like. Did he have a wife? Kids? Parents or friends who cared about him? If so, you had just taken him away from them. And no one was even going to find out how it happened. You thought about how protective you'd felt over Kylo. If this trooper's family had been in the same room, they would've been just as protective over him. What was the difference between you and them?

You thought you might be sick.

And, after grabbing the empty bucket that your champagne bottle was once in, you did get sick. You tried to draw the least amount of attention to yourself as possible as you vomited.

You noticed Kylo's feet rushing over to you as you heaved into the metal bucket and you held your hand up to aggressively shoo him away. You did not want him around for this.

He obeyed, staying in the same spot across the room. He was conflicted, clenching and unclenching his hands into fists as he watched you. He wanted to rush over and help you but he knew you didn't want it. 

Vicrul came up behind him. "I just got off the phone. A plane can be here in an hour." He told him. Then, motioning towards you with a sympathetic look in his eyes, he said, "Let's get her home."

A little over an hour later, after making a quick stop at the hotel for Kylo to run in and get your things, you were sitting on the private plane with him and his Knights. You were still wearing your dress, you hadn't had a moment alone to change into anything else. You supposed it really didn't matter, you could change right there in the middle of the aisle. They had basically all already seen you naked.

Kylo was in a room in the back of the plane, discussing things on the phone. He didn't want you to hear all of it because he knew it would just stress you out but you heard bits and pieces of what he was saying. Things about 'cleaning' and 'hiding'. No doubt, he was instructing someone on how to get rid of the bodies and evidence that you all had left behind.

You were laying on the couch, your high heels propped up on the arm of it.

"You look like you could use this." You heard someone say and when you looked up, Ushar was standing there with a bottle of whiskey pointed in your direction.

Normally you would've declined but really, you wanted to welcome anything that was going to calm your nerves. You moved yourself so that you were sitting up on the couch and took the bottle from his hands. You took a long swig of the liquid and winced at the taste before handing it back to him.

"Keep it." He told you, slightly amused before moving to the seat across from your couch, joining Vicrul.

You didn't object to that, taking an other sip from it before shuddering and setting it on the floor of the plane beneath you, screwing the cap on it.

"The first one is always sort of a mind fuck." Vicrul told you with a frown.

You narrowed your eyes, "First what?"

He chuckled, locking eyes with Ushar for a moment before looking back at you and continuing, "The first person you kill. It's a weird feeling."

Ushar nodded in agreement, "You either get over it or you get used to it." He said, his way of saying that you're either going to start doing it so much that it becomes no big deal or you're going to forgive yourself for it and move on.

You shook your head. "That wasn't my first time." You told them bitterly. You reached for the bottle of liquor again at that admission.

The two Knights made eye contact and then laughed out loud, impressed. They had not been expecting you to have murdered someone, especially with how much this was effecting you. "Well, shit. Maybe you and Ren have more in common than I thought." Vicrul teased.

You didn't say anything to that. The thought of being anything like Kylo just made you feel worse about yourself.

"If you need something a little stronger than that," Ushar motioned to the bottle of whiskey, "Just let me know." He told you with a mischievous grin. He patted the pocket of his suit jacket. Lord only knew what kind of drugs he had hidden away in there.

Normally that would've made you laugh but you were too exhausted. You appreciated that they were attempting to make you feel better in their own way, though.

You saw Kylo enter the main area of the plane, where the rest of you were. He tucked his phone away into his pocket before making his way over to the couch that you were sitting on. He joined you and grabbed at the bottle in your hands, taking a long sip from it before giving it back to you.

"You owe me your life now, you know." You told him teasingly even if the humor didn't reach your eyes.

Kylo wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you close to him. You rested your head against the crook of his neck, putting an arm around his waist. It felt good to be against him, you could pretend that you were anywhere else. 

He moved his head so that he was able to kiss the top of your head before relaxing again. He thought about what you had just said. He did owe you his life, regardless of how dramatic that sounded. He rubbed your shoulder soothingly.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." Kylo murmured, his voice faltering at the emotion behind those words. Now that he had you, he didn't think he'd ever be able to let you go.


	13. Angels & Demons

It was very weird but after that two and a half hour plane ride, you could honestly say that you now considered some of the Knights your friends.

Not only was it weird because they had already seen you in a very compromised position at the club. But also, because they were the fucking Knights of Ren. Before you'd actually spoken to them, you heard a lot of stories that painted them out to be hedonistic monsters. And maybe they were.

But when Vicrul had played a game of cards with you just to get your mind off of things or when Ushar had willingly chugged half the bottle of liquor just because it was making you laugh, you started to wonder if there was anyone out there that was purely evil. Everyone you thought might be, had been recently proving you wrong.

You had thought the same thing about Kylo and now here was, agreeing to stay the night at your apartment just because you told him you didn't want to sleep alone.

Of course, he was fucking you too. But that was a give in.

Kylo was all pent up, he had been a few steps away from fucking you multiple times that day and he was ready to go the second you two were alone. The two of you had started out in the kitchen, that was the room closest to the front door of your apartment. He had picked you up and put you on the marble countertop the instant that you shut the door behind you.

But you were so tired from everything that had happened earlier and you wanted to be comfortable. Surprisingly, when you asked him to carry you to your bed, he obliged. As sick as it was, he loved when you were weak for him.

Now you were laying on your back against your familiar blankets with a growingly familiar man on top of you. Compared to how you had felt back at the club and even when you had been on the plane, you now felt like you were in a daydream. It obviously helped your mood too that you were so attracted to Kylo and he was currently fucking the shit out of you.

He had your arms above your head, holding both of your hands down easily with just one of his while he thrusted inside of you. He was going slower than normal, he was taking his time and enjoying himself.

You moaned underneath him, your hands twitching under his grip. "Let me touch you." You sighed. He looked so beautiful, you wanted to run your fingers through his hair, over his scars.

"Not yet." He said, panting as he tightened his hand on your wrists as if to show how serious he was. "I want you desperate."

You made a noise of frustration, "I am desperate." You argued with him. You hooked a leg around his waist to pull him down closer on top of you.

Kylo groaned at the sound of that, a grin lazily on his face. "You are, aren't you?" He teased you. "My desperate, needy girl. Aw, you wanna touch me so bad, don't you?" He cooed, mockingly.

You dug the heel of your foot into his back where you had your leg wrapped around in response to him, trying again to move your hands.

Instead of loosening his grip, Kylo moved his free hand to your leg and brought it up so that it was resting on his shoulder. He paused at first so that you both could adjust yourselves in this new position and then he let himself roll his hips towards you. You both gasped out loud. He was so much deeper inside of you.

You two locked eyes with each other with surprised satisfaction on your faces. "Oh my god." You whined, biting your lip at the feeling. It was slightly painful but it felt so good, you felt so close to him.

"Look at you." Kylo said breathlessly, moving his hips in a painstakingly slow motion. His gaze broke from yours so that he could look down at the way his cock was entirely buried inside of you. "Oh, fuck. I'm all the way inside of you, princess, you're taking all of me. I feel like I'm gonna split this perfect fucking body in half." He was practically whining himself, watching the way it looked for him to move in and out of you, going in so far.

That made you moan out loud. He was moving so slowly, enjoying the way he felt just to be so deeply inside of you. It was driving you crazy. "You're so big, Kylo, it feels so good."

Kylo couldn't help himself, he started moving quicker at those words but still way too slow for your liking. "Yeah, you like taking all of daddy's big cock, don't you? Good girls like you get to have the whole thing." He wasn't touching you anywhere but where he had your hands held above your head, on purpose. He really loved seeing you become a whining mess underneath him.

You groaned in frustration. "Please just let me touch you."

He didn't loosen his grip.

You tried to think of what would really get him, you knew how to push his buttons now.

You looked up at him with puppy dog eyes, pouting out your bottom lip. "I've been such a good girl for you tonight... I'm daddy's good girl."

A darkness fell over his face. God, you were perfect.

"Daddy's good slut." He corrected you. Kylo reached his hand down that had been holding your leg in place on his shoulder, to your mouth where he stuck two fingers inside. His hips were moving closer to a normal speed now, giving you a little reward for being so dirty with him.

"You killed someone for me tonight, princess." He chuckled at that, his own groan cutting off his laughter, "You knew just what to do, you're so fucking smart. You make me so proud."

Hearing him give you a genuine compliment mixed in with all of the teasing caused you to close your mouth around his fingers, sucking on him, wanting to show him how much you appreciated it even if you weren't able to speak right now.

"You could've let him kill me...You probably should've." His thrusts were happening fast now, doing just what you wanted as he pressed your tongue down into your mouth. You moaned gratefully, although he was still holding your wrists hostage at least he was going at the pace you wanted.

"But you just can't help yourself...You needed me here so I could do this to you, so I could fuck you just the way you like it. You're such a slut. Daddy's dirty little slut." He bent down so that he could pull your jaw down with the fingers in your mouth, opening it.

Then, locking eyes with you, Kylo spit in your mouth. You widened your eyes in surprise and he grabbed your chin to close your mouth for you. "Yeah, fuck, swallow it, princess." He slapped your cheek lightly, leaving your own saliva behind on your skin all while still pumping you deep and fast.

When he heard you moan at the impact, he smirked and slapped you on the same spot on your face, not hard enough to make any sort of noise but enough for you just barely feel the sting.

Your eyes rolled in the back of your head, moaning loudly. It was too much, you weren't going to last long if he kept treating you like this.

Feeling your walls start to tighten, Kylo knew you were getting there. "No,no,no,not yet. Not until daddy says so." He warned you. Finally, after all of your pleading, he released your hands from above your head. You instantly went to reach up for him but he stopped you, giving you a look.

"On your stomach." He ordered you, pulling out slowly so that you could move and despite yourself you scrambled to get into the position that he wanted you. "Yeah," Kylo approved once you did it, "Stick that pretty ass up in the air for me. Just like that." He coached you, smacking the ass cheek that looked slightly less red from the night's earlier activities.

You groaned in frustration at him, desperate again for him to be inside you as you got onto your hands and knees.

He took his cock into his hands and guided it along your folds, just rubbing you with the head of it to tease you. "You're fucking soaked...You have the wettest, tightest pussy I've ever seen. And it's all mine." Kylo told you in a strained voice, finding it hard to even tease you when he wanted you so badly as well.

You arched your back more, trying to move your hips so that you could get him inside of you.

Kylo grit his teeth at the sight of that, he liked it. "Fuck. Yes, do that. Sit back on my cock." He was concentrated as he held himself in his hand, holding steady as you wiggled your hips, backing up against him. He easily slid inside of you, you were so wet for him.

The both of you moaned loudly at the feeling of it. Kylo didn't move, instead he grabbed one of your ass cheeks and squeezed it to guide you up and down on him. "Ride me just like this, princess." He grunted.

You could hardly hear him say, over the sound of your moans, "Yeah, just like that, fucking take it."

You continued your motions against him, his hand still on your ass to guide you. With the way that you were positioned, he was hitting you in all the right places. He was deeper than normal because of how much he'd been able to relax and stretch you out when you had your leg above your head and it felt so good.

Your moan came out like a whine, grasping at your sheets. You moved down so that you were able to lay your chest against the mattress, while keeping your ass up in the air instead of putting your weight on your hands. This caused him to be able to move in even deeper, your back as arched as much as possible.

"Fuuuuuck." You gasped, your voice wavering each time your ass made impact against his hips.

Kylo started meeting your movements now, thrusting his hips in perfect rhythm with yours. He stared at the way his cock looked moving in and out of you, watching how your pussy completely enveloped him. He grabbed a handful of your hair with one hand, pulling on it so that your head was titled back.

Kylo moved his other hand so that he could put three of his fingers in your mouth. He used his grip on your hair and fingers in your mouth to hold your head in place while he started fucking you mercilessly, so fast and deep.

You were a mess, drooling all over yourself and practically screaming with how loud that you were moaning. You were going to cum soon, this was all too much. You hated to admit but you loved feeling like this with him, like such a whore.

"Do you deserve to cum, slut?" Kylo asked you with a shaky voice as he continued pumping you quickly.

You nodded instantly, making a noise of 'yes'.

"I don't know if I believe you." He groaned. He wasn't sure how he still had it in him to tease you, he was getting so close himself. He had been cock blocked all day and it felt so good to just destroy you after all of it.

You wanted to cry, you whimpered against his fingers in your mouth. You weren't able to talk because of your mouth being full but you wondered if you'd even be able to form words anyways. You didn't even realize a few tears of frustration leaving your eyes.

Kylo felt the tears brush against his finger tips and he looked down at you in concern. "Are you okay?" He asked, removing his fingers from your mouth so you could respond. He didn't think he had been that rough with you.

You moaned and nodded, you were definitely okay, "Please, I just wanna cum, daddy." You told him, ignoring the pain of his hand in your hair as you looked back at him with pleading eyes.

"Oh." Kylo gasped at that. Seeing you with tears in your eyes, drooling and and begging was like heaven to him. He used his hand that was in your hair to push your head down into the bed, face first. He let go and grabbed both of your hips, taking control and moving you up and down on his cock, hitting you everywhere that you needed it.

"You deserve it, princess, you've been so fucking good today." Kylo told you, his finger tips digging into your skin. "Cum for me, I need to feel it, need to feel that perfect fucking pussy squeeze me."

You felt your muscles tighten with each stroke he made inside of you. The pressure of the feeling building up made you tense underneath him. Your moans were muffled against the bed your face was being pushed into as you felt that release hit you, making your entire body tingle and buzz in pleasure.

Kylo continued to fuck you through your orgasm, loving how tight it made you feel and the noises that you were making. "Yeah, good girl...my good girl." He cooed at you, not slowing down his motions even when you practically collapsed against the bed, coming down from your high.

You were able to push yourself up enough so that your face wasn't buried on your blanket but you were trembling from the strength it had taken to do that in the position you were in.

"I want you to swallow my cum, princess. I want you to taste me, wanna fill you up with it." At this words, he pulled out from you causing you to shiver at the loss of contact. He started stroking himself to keep the same feeling while putting his hand on your thigh to help you roll around onto your back.

"Sit up for me." He instructed you, touching himself. You shakily moved onto your knees so that you were able to bend your head down and be level with his dick. You were out of it after how hard you just came but you knew what to do.

"Yes, daddy." You breathed causing him to hiss under his breath in approval. You lowered your mouth so that you could take him inside of it, sniffling when you felt him put a hand on the back of your head to hold you in place.

"Let me fuck your mouth." Kylo grunted, rocking his hips and keeping you in the same spot so that he could essentially use you.

You whimpered when you gagged at how far he was in your throat but you were so relaxed that the feeling passed after you adjusted to it. "Good girl." He praised you. "My perfect little girl."

Kylo started moving his hips as quick as he had been when he was actually fucking you, a feverish speed to match how badly he wanted you. You loved this feeling, knowing how good you were making him feel, how proud he was of you.

He thought back to how you hadn't even thought twice earlier when you shot that man for him. Kylo felt this surge in his heart as he looked down at you, practically choking on him. You really were his perfect little girl, you did everything he needed you to do.

At that thought, making eye contact with you, he faltered in his movements. "I'm gonna cum, princess, I want you to swallow it, every last drop." Kylo groaned, biting his lip in concentration to keep from finishing in the middle of his sentence.

You nodded eagerly, wanting to do that for him. You'd do anything for him in that moment.

Kylo kept his eyes on you as he growled loudly, burying his cock even farther down your throat as he spilled his seed down it as well. "Oh god, oh yeah, fuck." He muttered, talking nonsense.

You froze, scared for a moment that you wouldn't be able to handle it but as you locked your eyes with him and saw how adoringly he was looking down at you, you forced yourself to swallow all of it down, not even gagging.

Kylo could hardly breathe but he smirked brightly down at you, impressed that you had been able to handle all of it.

After a moment of just staying exactly where you were, out of exhaustion, the two of you broke away and collapsed onto the bed in a comfortable laying position next to each other.

There was a few long minutes of silence as you two tried to collect yourselves.

Then, "You never even let me touch you." You realized, breathlessly. You looked over at him with a pout on your face.

Kylo smirked at that and then grabbed you, pulling you close so that your head was against his chest. "You can touch me now, princess."

"Wow, thanks." You rolled your eyes but obliged, putting a hand on his chest while you looked up and pressed your lips against his. You pulled away just enough to look at him close up. God, he was infuriatingly beautiful.

As you two laid there catching your breath, you sighed when you heard your phone ring. You knew who it was, Hux had been trying to get a hold of you all day. You hadn't exactly been in the right position to answer it...

You weren't even sure how it had gotten in the room with you but then you remembered that Kylo hadn't even let you take your purse off of your shoulder when he carried you into the room. He had tossed your purse on the bed when he undressed you and now your phone was laying right side up on the mattress.

Kylo's eyes went to your phone screen, making a disgusted face at the name that was displayed. 'Armie'. He didn't like thinking about the fact that the two of you might share things like nicknames for each other.

Kylo was jealous.

You gave him a sympathetic look but reached for your phone. "Sorry, I should answer this. He's been trying to get a hold of me since we got to that club."

Kylo watched you grab your phone and get off of the bed. You reached for a robe that was hanging in your closet and put it on while you walked into the next room so he wasn't forced to listen to the conversation.

He felt like reality had just smacked him in the face. You weren't his girl. You were his enemy's. And the two of you had nicknames for each other and memories and over a year of familiarity with each other...he wondered how many times Hux has fucked you, maybe you even made the same noises for him as you did for Kylo...The possibility of you calling Hux daddy instead of him made him crazy.

Kylo moved his jaw in frustration at that. What was he getting himself into with you? You could never be together as long as you were still with Hux.

He heard your voice softly from the next room and he couldn't help himself. He walked over to the door, leaning against the wall to its side so that he could hear what you were saying. Kylo had never really heard the two of you interact with each other when you weren't in public and he was curious to see what you were like. Were you different with Hux than you were with him?

"I've been calling you all day." Hux said on the other line. His tone was just as worried as it was irritated. You understood, if he had been ignoring you, you wouldn't be happy either.

"I know, I'm sorry." You frowned. You were absentmindedly pacing around your living room, just like you did almost every time that you were on the phone. "I accidentally packed my phone into my luggage and I couldn't find it. And then I took a nap and it just slipped my mind." You explained to him. You had told him that you were going on a trip with one of your college classes, to visit an art gallery a few hours away. That way if he somehow heard you'd been away for a few days, you had a good excuse.

Hux sighed and you could almost just see him pinching his nose in annoyance. "It's alright, honey." He told you. Even if it wasn't 'alright' you doubted that he'd say anything. "How was the trip? It's so late, I'm surprised you're awake," He then said, changing the subject.

You bit your lip, you knew you were going to have to lie to him but that didn't mean you were going to enjoy it. "It was fine. Lot's of...well, art." You told him, "I'm glad to be home." When you said this, Kylo shifted slightly. He understood how badly you'd wanted to be back here, he knew it was partly his fault for the situation he had forced you to witness.

"I can't wait to come home." Hux said, almost in relief that he had been able to say it out loud. Any time that he went on a trip alone with Snoke it meant that he was going to be stressed the entire time. "I should be back in the afternoon. I'll come see you. Maybe we can get take out and stay at your place." He seemed so excited, it made you feel guilty, your body was still buzzing from what you and Kylo had just done.

"Yeah," You said breathlessly, pausing the way you were pacing for a moment to let it sink in that he would be standing in front of you in that same spot in less than a day. You weren't sure if you'd be able to hold it together. "There's that movie I wanted to watch...you know, the one about space...we could try to watch that."

Kylo heard that and shut his eyes at the feeling in his chest. He pictured you and Hux watching a movie together, wrapped up in each other on your couch. He hated it.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Hux said, his tone was much lighter now than it had been when you had first answered. "I'm not picking the movie anymore, considering what happened last time." He told you. Last time you let him pick one it turned into a legit porno halfway through, not even a good one at that.

You laughed out loud at the memory, making Kylo wince as he heard it, how genuine it was. It sounded that same way when the two of you had been at dinner, on his first date. He didn't like thinking of the memory considering the current situation.

When the two characters in the movie started actually having sex with each other, Hux's face had gotten so red, you remembered. It had been hilarious for you. "I don't know, I kind of liked that one." You joked.

Hux felt himself smiling as he heard you laugh, he hadn't heard that in a while. "God, I miss you." He admitted, then there was some noise in the background, "Shit, okay, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow though, okay?"

"Sure." You agreed in a quiet voice. You felt terrible.

Hux paused then, "I love you."

You took in a deep breath, "I love you too." You had to force yourself to say it before you hung up. It was far from the first time you said it to each other but it didn't happen often. You never meant it, you wondered if he knew that.

Hearing those words leave your lips caused Kylo to exhale sharply. Wow, that had really made him feel like shit. The way you spoke to Hux was so much different than the way you spoke to him. When you talked with him, you were always trying to get the upper hand, trying to make sure that he wasn't going to hurt you, your guard was always up. You seemed relaxed while you were speaking to Hux.

Kylo realized how much he put you on edge and it made him feel guilty. A strange feeling, he had really only felt it towards you.

He moved away from the door and settled back onto your bed silently, not wanting you to know that he had been eavesdropping. He loved to tell himself that he owned you and that you were his and maybe those things were true. But in the grand scheme of things, he was such a new, small part of your life. Kylo was suddenly upset with himself for not realizing it sooner. Why was he letting himself become soft for you?

You walked back into your bedroom and took your robe off, tossing it onto one of your chairs. "Let's shower. I feel disgusting." You said. You had done a lot today and almost all of it had been dirty. Murdering, fucking, and...whatever the hell you had done with the Knights. Lying to Hux hadn't exactly felt clean either.

He agreed, getting off of the bed and following you. Maybe he could wash this uneasiness away.

Soon, the two of you were both in the comfort of the warm shower. Your time alone together was coming to an end and you both knew it, that phone call had reminded the both of you. The feeling in the air was heavy.

Kylo grabbed your shampoo and started washing your hair, wanting a distraction.

You let him.

You were spaced out, staring at the tiles across from you, melting into the way that Kylo's fingers were massaging against your scalp. You weren't sure what you felt in that moment. You were exhausted but you were also so sad. Tomorrow Hux and Snoke would be back home.

"What happens now?" You asked him in a wistful voice.

Kylo paused his movements in your hair as he realized what you were asking. Then he gently nudged you towards the stream of water, telling you to rinse the soap out.

He wasn't sure. He usually had all of the answers but right now he didn't.

He watched you, the way that the water ran down your naked body, across the dark bruised marks he'd left behind...God, he didn't want to give you up.

"I don't know." He decided, being honest. He couldn't stop thinking about the way you'd told Hux that you loved him. He hated this feeling of being inferior.

You said nothing, you weren't even sure if you had wanted an answer. What if it wasn't what you wanted to hear? When you had gotten all of the soap out, you moved so that Kylo could get a turn under the warm water.

You did the same as he had just done to you. You looked him over, appreciating every part of him. It wasn't fair, you thought, you wished you would have never gone on that trip. It changed everything, you were connected to Kylo now, you couldn't just break that off. You weren't sure if you'd be able to hide it when other people were around.

Kylo glanced over at you and saw that you were staring at him. Stirred with his own emotion from the look in your eyes, he reached for you and brought you close, into the water with him.

"We just go back to normal. To how it was before we left." He told you, deciding finally. He knew that was entirely too simple.

You sighed and rolled your eyes, "There is no normal now, Kylo...I had to say goodbye to my mom and I killed someone." You told him, "Not to mention I got practically gang banged by your Knights and you, a mob boss, cried yourself to sleep in my arms." You said, rubbing water away from your eyes. "I'm a changed woman."

Kylo smirked a little at that. If you were anyone else he'd kill you for bringing that up. "You never take anything seriously, do you?" He observed, helping you to move the hair out of your eyes.

You knew what he meant. You always tried to make jokes when you felt uncomfortable. "I take a lot seriously." You told him almost defensively. You took him seriously.

Kylo didn't respond to that.

He remembered something, "Before the Knights came in with those troopers, at the club...You were going to tell me something." He said to you, thinking back on it.

You frowned. Of course he remembered. You tried to think back to it. You hadn't really known what you were going to say to him at the time. You had just been so overwhelmed with your feelings for him.

You looked up at him and seeing the way that he was staring at you, wet hair dripping and a soft look in his eyes, you felt like you were right back in that spot, aching for him. You had never felt like this towards someone before, there was passion there that was impossible to ignore even if you wanted to.

"I..." You faltered and tried to look away but he caught your chin in his hands, tilting your face to look back up at him. "It's nothing, Kylo. It's stupid." You told him, trying to move your face out of his grip.

He tensed as he realized what you meant, releasing his touch. It was something he'd been feeling recently too. This flooding feeling of affection towards you. Kylo wanted to protect you and he wanted to be with you. He always preferred being alone but after this trip he knew he was going to find it hard to be anywhere that wasn't right by your side.

"You're so right. It is stupid." He agreed. You didn't need to say what you were thinking out loud, he had already been able to tell because he had been having the same thoughts as you.

You grabbed at your body wash and started putting some onto your loofa. Before you could wash your body with it, he grabbed it from you. He began running it along your shoulders, your arms, your back, cleaning you.

You exhaled and shut your eyes, letting yourself enjoy the way that it felt to be taken care of like this. "You don't even know what I was going to say." You told him.

He made a noise of disagreement. "I do. You're starting to like me too much." Kylo said softly to you, as if he read your thoughts.

You chuckled humorlessly. "I thought I told you. I don't like you, I hate you." You said to him. How did he always know how you were feeling? It was infuriating.

"You don't." He said, his tone was sad. "But you should."

You opened your eyes then and looked at him. He didn't stop his movements on your body, massaging the loofa against your chest.

"You need to be careful. Don't get attached to me, you'll just get hurt." He told you. He couldn't look you in the eyes.

Now that you two were back home, he realized how in deep he had gotten with you while he was away. It was different when it had been somewhere else. He had been able to pretend like he was a different person, someone who deserved you and had the ability to fall for you. It was a reminder, now that he was in familiar surroundings, that this type of life was not an option for him. He could never be someone like Hux for you. You'd never be able to relax around him.

"You can't hurt me." You argued with him, wondering if it were true. Clearly, you were talking about an emotional hurt because it was no secret that he could physically over power you.

Kylo locked eyes with you again, he paused his movement of washing your body. There was an expression on his face that you weren't able to read. He took your statement as a challenge.

"I don't care about you." He said to you in an eerily cold voice. A part of him was offended that you thought he'd just turn into Ben Solo all of a sudden when you got back. That wasn't who he was now, he was Kylo Ren. Why did you keep forgetting that? You would never be able to have him the way you wanted to.

You couldn't deny the way that your stomach dropped but you kept your expression even. "What?" You asked, as if you didn't hear him correctly. You almost laughed, it was such a blunt thing to say but the seriousness in his expression made you stop.

Kylo paused, it seemed like he was debating with himself over if he should continue or not. In reality, that was exactly what was going on in his mind. His urge to sabotage himself was out weighing his growing feelings for you.

"You mean nothing to me. I think it's easier for the both of us if you understand that now instead of later." He said, his eyes were on yours but they seemed far away, like he wasn't even there, he was just going through the motions. Who was he trying to convince?

You realized that he actually could hurt you. He just did.

You shook your head, you refused to believe it. "Kylo, stop. That's not true."

"It's not?" Kylo countered instantly, interrupting you. He was starting to get angry now at himself for doing this and at you for making him feel like he needed to. He didn't want to have to explain himself, he wished he could just walk away and you would leave his mind.

"I only went on that trip with you in the first place so that I had something to hold over your head in case you decided to talk to the cops. I did it for the mob, it had nothing to do with you." He hissed. At this point he wasn't sure if that were true or not. It might've started out that way but as your time together progressed it turned into something much different. But he wouldn't admit that to you, he was hardly able to admit to himself.

You tried not to show much his words were effecting you but now you were getting angry too. "If you were only doing it for the mob you wouldn't have taken me on a date or comforted me when I was upset or opened up to me about your mom..." You grabbed the loofa from his hands that had still been resting against your body and threw it at the tile behind him, "You wouldn't be fucking washing my body in my shower just because I asked you to. Stop lying to yourself!"

His eye twitched, watching you get upset. This was what he wanted, to push you away before he hurt you. If this was his goal then why was it making his heart ache?

"I took you on a date because I didn't want to stare at the fucking hotel walls with nothing to do. I comforted you when you were upset because your crying would've kept me up all night. I told you about my mom because I pitied you. You were alone and pathetic and I thought if I told you something similar to what you were going through, you'd just shut up and go to bed. And I'm showering with you right now because I thought I could fuck you again, that means nothing. That entire trip meant nothing, I could've replaced you with any of my men's girlfriends and it would've been the same exact thing."

You couldn't hide your emotions now. Your mouth hung open in shock, letting his words sink in. That couldn't be right. There was no way that you were the only one feeling these intense feelings for him. You remembered the things he'd said to you that night when you had sex for the first time. About how all he did was think of you, how he was yours. And you thought back to the way you'd cried together. It didn't make sense to you.

"I don't believe you." You said with a shaky voice, tears welling into your eyes.

Kylo almost dropped the act when he saw that look on your face. This was hurting him, almost as much as it was hurting you but he couldn't stop himself. He had to get rid of anything that made him feel weak and you were his biggest weakness. "If I really gave a shit about you do you think I would've let my Knights do what they did to you?" He asked you in a low voice, leaning in closer. "If you meant anything to me, I wouldn't have even allowed them to look at you."

You suddenly felt so naked. Not just because you literally were but because you had allowed yourself to be so open and really so fucking naked in front of Kylo and here he was, just gloating about it. You were humiliated. You had allowed yourself to do that with him and his Knights because you trusted him. That was your mistake, you realized. Everything you felt about him was a mistake.

"But..." You trailed off, mind racing, "You told me to call you Ben." You said, wide eyed in confusion.

Kylo froze, lip quivering. The way that the name sounded in your voice made him want to take it all back. But he knew he couldn't. "I regret it." He told you, "I wanted to see how it felt and I hated it." He lied, that was such a fucking lie.

You felt like you couldn't breathe. You felt so stupid. Why did you think even for a second that Kylo Ren might care about you? He had been using you, that's all he knew how to do, that's all he'd ever be able to do. And at the end of the day, he still held your life in his hands.

"Get out." You told him. Your voice was a lot calmer than what you felt inside.

Kylo didn't move, his chest was rising and falling heavily. 'What have I done?' He asked himself.

He wanted to wrap you into his arms, comfort you, get rid of whatever was hurting you. But he had been the one to make you feel this way and that's the reason he was doing it. He knew he'd hurt you eventually, might as well do it now before you get in too deep. In his own fucked up way, Kylo thought he was protecting you. From him.

"Get. Out." You hissed, this time the emotion in your voice was more apparent. You couldn't look at him, you didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing you trying not to cry.

He said nothing. Instead, Kylo exited the shower. He grabbed a towel and dried himself off as much as he could as he walked into your bedroom that was attached. You watched him through the glass door of your shower as he pulled his pants on, just needing to go down the hall. He picked up the rest of his clothes, balling them up under his arm.

When Kylo looked over to you, you quickly averted your eyes, pretending that you were really preoccupied in washing the soap off of your body. You didn't want to see him leave.

Kylo made his way out of your room and into the kitchen, collecting his bags that he had abandoned there when you two had first walked in and he had practically thrown you onto the counter. With his hands now full, he stopped and looked around the apartment, taking it in. He wondered if this was the last time you'd let him in here. He then wondered if that was the last time he was going to kiss you...He should have done it more, he realized.

Kylo opened your apartment door and paused in the doorway, second guessing himself.

Kylo had never done this before. Every time that he had pushed someone away in his life, or gotten rid of them, it had been because they had done something to wrong him. That wasn't you. He wasn't pushing you away because he hated you. He was pushing you away because of the exact opposite reason.

Kylo had killed a lot of his demons before. But he had never killed an angel.


	14. Three Things

You weren't sure how long you had sat on the floor of your shower that night. For a good chunk of time, you hadn't even had the water on. You just sat there, shivering. You felt numb.

You had gone through so many emotions in the timespan of only two days. You were exhausted and humiliated. Mostly, you were disappointed in yourself. Not only for letting yourself put your guard down around Kylo but also for even putting yourself into that position in the first place.

Before he had moved back, you had been so proud of yourself for how protected you were in your relationships. You didn't have real friends, you weren't really in love, you didn't have a family. It got lonely at times, sure, but you knew you were safe from being hurt. You had always prided yourself on ruling your own life.

Then Kylo showed up seemingly out of nowhere and turned your entire world onto its axis.

When you finally got out of the shower and looked at yourself in your fogged up bathroom mirror, you frowned. You looked liked shit. You had been crying for days now and you needed real sleep. You couldn't remember the last time you had felt this weak, you absolutely hated it. Getting in closer to the mirror, you realized something.

You had been so strong for way too long to let someone force themselves into your life and break you down like this.

The pit of sadness in your stomach slowly dissolved into anger as you took in the dark circles under your eyes. You hated him. How dare he manipulate you and make you feel like this? You were just a game to him, a pawn in his climb to the top and you had let him use you. You exhaled in bitterness.

There was no way you were going to let him know how much he had messed you up.

If Kylo wanted to treat you like a bitch, that was fine.

You could be a bitch. But he wasn't going to like it.

When Hux got back into town the next day, you had felt like he was a stranger. After everything you'd been through on your own without him, it was like you barely knew him now. And you two weren't exactly close in the first place so that was really saying something.

Hux himself had been acting different too. It was little things that you noticed. He was more confident, cocky almost. He talked about the future a lot, how he had so much planned. His trip with Snoke must've went well, you assumed.

The night he got back in town, you two had gotten food and watched that movie you wanted to see, just like you had planned. When he had wrapped an arm around you and started kissing you deeply, you had the urge to run away. You knew where he wanted this to go and all you could think about was the marks on your legs.

Somehow, you had been lucky enough to convince him you had a headache and needed to have sex with all of the lights off.

Having sex with Hux was a lot different than having sex with Kylo. You hated to admit to yourself how disappointing that it was.

It wasn't that sex with Hux was bad, necessarily. In fact, you had gone your entire relationship with him thinking that it was great. But the passion you felt with Kylo and the way that he knew just how to touch you and exactly how you needed it...it couldn't compare.

You had spent the entire time, staring off into the darkness, hoping he would finish quickly so that you could go into the bathroom let out the tears that were threatening to fall from your eyes. Kylo really fucked you up and it pissed you off.

A few days after Hux had gotten home, he informed you that there was going to be a party for someone in the mob's birthday, which wasn't surprising. It had been a while since they had one. And a while without a party for the mob meant less than a week so it was about time.

You were somewhat excited to do something that felt more routine to you but the idea that you would most likely see Kylo there made you nervous. You hadn't seen him since the night you kicked him out of your apartment. Every time you left, you'd stare at his door wondering what he was doing inside. When you'd get home, you'd have to force yourself not to knock on his door and tell him off. You weren't sure if you'd be able to hold yourself back from slapping him across the face once you saw him again.

The idea of being face to face with Kylo was exactly why you had decided to look extra sexy tonight, just to spite him. You were thankful it was a casual party so you were able to wear pants instead of a short dress being expected of you since that would show off your bruises. You looked yourself over in the mirror and smirked at the reflection.

Walking out from your bedroom and into your living room where Hux had been waiting to leave with you, you watched as his stare went from your feet all the way up to your face, his eyes widening. There was a pink tint to his cheeks and you weren't sure if it was from seeing you looking like this or from the glass of whiskey that was in his hand.

Your mind wandered to that whiskey in particular, memories flashing back to the night Kylo had invited himself in and poured himself a glass of it even when you told him not to. It seemed like a lifetime ago. You remembered being so confused as to why your friends were looking at him like he was a celebrity when he had walked in. But now, after he had fucked you so well so many times...you understood their admiration.

"Hi." You grinned at Hux, walking over to him casually, as if you had no idea how good you looked. That was a lie, you were fully aware of how this outfit hugged your body perfectly, that's why you were wearing it.

Hux was staring at you with a boyish grin on his face, a reminder of how lucky he was to have you on his arm. "Jesus Christ." He said breathlessly. He reached his hand out for you to take and when you did, he pulled you in close to him so that he could kiss you.

Your stomach twisted as you moved your lips against his. You were still so guilty and now that Kylo had said to you what he had, you felt even worse. You had betrayed your boyfriend for nothing, you and Kylo had ended before you even really started.

"Are you ready to go?" You asked him, glancing behind him to see what time was on the clock on the wall.

Hux didn't take his eyes off of you, that grin still on his face. "Are you sure we don't have time?" He asked you suggestively. You knew he was just joking, the thought of potentially being late and embarrassing himself because of that, was something he'd never do.

You chuckled a little but shook your head, "I would prefer to get there before everyone's wasted."

"Fair point." Hux said in response. He kissed you again, briefly, before letting you pull away from him. 

Although the two of didn't want to show up late, it seemed like you were far from the first ones to arrive when you walked in. It was loud, because of music but also because of all of the conversations taking place. Your eyes quickly scanned around the room for familiar faces. You didn't spot the one face in particular that you were really looking for, Kylo, but you did see a few of the Knights and a few of your girl friends, a few people who you've had brief conversations with before.

A few men who you didn't know very well, instantly came up to the two of you to greet Hux. They shook his hand and then yours, you hated how they looked at you when they did it. They all started discussing something that didn't concern you so you let your eyes wander again.

You stopped when your eyes locked on someone else's. Vicrul's. He was waving you over to him, with a smirk on his face.

You shook your head at him, sending him a look that said 'knock it off'. You glanced to Hux and it didn't seem like he noticed, he was engrossed in his current conversation.

Vicrul grinned at how much he had thrown you off guard. Just like Kylo, the Knights loved seeing all of your reactions. He waved you over again, raising his eyebrows as if to say 'come on'.

When you looked away, trying to ignore him, you saw him start to make his way over to you, out of the corner of your eye. You didn't want him talking to you around Hux so you sighed under your breath. Fine.

"I'll be right back." You told your boyfriend. He barely glanced at you, he was busy.

As you closed the gap between you and Vicrul, you could hear him laughing at you.

"What?" You hissed, irritated. You weren't upset that he wanted to talk to you, in fact it made you happy that he did. But you wanted to keep that trip you had just been on, separate from your life with Hux, as much as possible. Too much happened that he could never find out about. And Hux seeing you go over to talk to Vicrul was out of the ordinary, you didn't want to raise suspicion.

"I can't say hi?" He asked you, pretending to be offended.

"You can say hi. From a distance." You were teasing him now, feeling more comfortable now that you were actually talking to him. "Is Jessica here?"

You were nervous to see Vicrul's girlfriend, who you considered to be your friend, after what the two of you (well, plus a few others...) had done.

"Yeah, over there." He motioned towards her with a tilt of his head, "She was looking for you actually."

You narrowed your eyes at him. How could he be so casual about it? You supposed you were being casual too, you had just shown up here with Hux as well. "I don't know if I can act normal around her." You admitted to him.

He pretended like he didn't know what you were talking about, knowing it would work you up. "Why not?"

You sighed in exasperation. "Because she's your girlfriend and she's my friend. And I had your cum all over my back, Vicrul." You told him in a hushed voice.

His eyes widened and laughed out loud, causing a few people to glance in your direction. Thankfully, Hux didn't hear.

He hadn't expected you to be so blunt about it. He obviously didn't know you that well yet. "Not just mine." He reminded you cheekily, taking a sip from the drink in his hand.

You rolled your eyes but couldn't help but laugh a little. It was hard to stay mad at him, he was like a puppy.

"Kylo should be around here somewhere, I just saw him." Vicrul told you, looking around the room as if to find him.

The mention of his name made your heart skip a beat. You didn't think you were ready to see him. Would you ever be ready to see him again? You tried to casually shrug at that. "So?" You asked, pretending like it wasn't a big deal.

That caused Vicrul to knit his eyebrows in confusion. Had he just hallucinated the entire trip you all had been on? When he had been around you and Kylo, the two of you had been all over each other. The Knights would never say it to his face but afterwards, they all discussed how strangely Kylo treated you. He was gentle with you and protective, he talked about you like he actually admired you. It was something they'd never seen him do before, with anyone. Vicrul knew he couldn't have made all of that up.

Then, it dawned on him. Ever since you all had gotten back home, Kylo had been in such a bad mood. Something must've happened.

"Ah, that makes sense." Vicrul said, nodding slowly as he pieced it together.

You raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"

"Ren's been an absolute monster these last couple of days. It's been a while since we've seen him like this, you should've seen what he did to these guys last night..." He trailed off, laughing to himself at the memory, how Kylo had shown up to the business deal absolutely feral. "There was so much blood, I had to throw away my new shoes."

You couldn't deny the way that made you feel. After all the shit he had put you through, knowing that Kylo had been throwing tantrums after everything that he'd said to you, made you feel satisfied. "Gross." You said in response to Vicrul's last statement about his shoes, trying to keep your aloof act going. Really, your mind was racing. If he had been in a bad mood after what he told you, maybe he hadn't meant everything he'd said to you after all. You scolded yourself for being so optimistic. This was Kylo you were thinking about, after all.

"Speak of the Devil." Vicrul then said, his eyes focusing over your shoulder. You swallowed hard, knowing exactly who he was talking about. Who else could be the Devil but Kylo?

You felt someone's presence come up close to your back, looming over you. If you didn't realize before, you definitely knew it was Kylo now because you could smell his cologne. You tried not to think about all of the times you'd been close enough to smell it before...the way his weight felt laying on top of you, your head against his chest...

You snapped out of it when you heard his voice.

"I've been looking for you, princess." He addressed you in a strained voice. It was low enough that you were probably the only one to hear it, maybe Vicrul had too but he didn't react to it.

You turned on your heel to face him, jumping slightly when you realized how close he was to you. Now that you were facing him, you could smell more than just his cologne on him. He smelled like whiskey and maybe even weed. You had never seen him fucked up before, he was usually always in control, it intrigued you.

Kylo had definitely been out of control ever since he'd said those hurtful things to push you away. He regretted it so much. But he didn't know what else to do. He hurt everyone around him, you would be next and he wanted you to get out before he could really do any damage. But fuck, he didn't expect it to hurt him this badly. Kylo had never felt this strongly about someone, he didn't realize how much it would effect him to break you in the way that he did.

He had killed so many people ever since he did it to you, trying to get his anger out. The bloodshed was never enough, no matter how much they begged for their lives. Right now, everyone who had witnessed these things, were on their best behavior around him because they knew if they weren't, he'd end their life. Even his Knights who had a lot more freedom than the troopers or associates, were walking on egg shells around him.

"Don't call me that. I'm not your princess." You told him in an even voice, not wanting to reveal how much it hurt you to even say that. It just wasn't true, you were his princess, you didn't know how to not be.

Kylo didn't say anything at that. Instead he stared into your eyes. You noted the way one twitched, his expression pained. You weren't his princess. He repeated the phrase over and over in his head, drowning in the way it killed him inside.

He didn't say anything else to you, he didn't know what to say. He was drunk and he was a little high and he was aching for you. He knew that if he started talking, he wouldn't be able to stop and he'd say things that he'd regret since the two of you were surrounded by so many people.

You took an other long look at him before breaking the eye contact. You looked to Vicrul, telling him 'see you later', before walking away from the two of them. You made your way over to Hux, needing to remind yourself why you were even there in the first place.

When you joined Hux, he wrapped his arm around your waist while continuing the conversation that he was having with the men across from him. You pretended to engage in it with them but you were so distracted by the pair of eyes you felt on you. You knew it was Kylo, you weren't sure why, you could just tell.

After several minutes, the men had excused themselves and it was just you and Hux now. Still, you felt those dark eyes...those beautiful dark eyes... You glanced around and yup, there was Kylo. He was on his own, his back casually leaning against a wall. He was staring directly at you, the expression on his face unreadable.

You had the instant urge to run over to him, to be held in his arms. It was what you had been conditioned to do at this point. You had to replay the things that he said to you in the shower in order to raise your levels of anger, to keep you in check.

You moved closer to Hux, putting a hand on the side of his face. Making sure that Kylo had the perfect view of the two of you, you moved your head up so that you could press your lips against Hux's. You wanted Kylo to hurt just as much as you did.

And that did hurt him. Kylo watched the scene in front of him, hitting him like a ton of bricks. But he couldn't look away, he wasn't sure why. A part of him enjoyed the pain because he knew he deserved it.

Hux was surprised that you were being this affectionate in public but he welcomed it. Not only did he love to kiss you (why wouldn't he?) but this would definitely make a few of the other men jealous.

You continued to kiss him, still feeling those dark eyes on you. You deepened it by running your tongue along Hux's bottom lip, eliciting a soft groan from him. As you did this, you opened your eyes and met the gaze of Kylo from across the room, you wanted to make sure that he was seeing this. You wanted him to realize what he had just thrown away. You could've been kissing him instead.

Kylo stopped breathing when he saw you look over at him. He met your gaze, looking right into your eyes as you continued to kiss Hux. It was the ultimate slap in the face. To see you kissing the man he hated almost more than anyone else. You were supposed to be his girl and you had been, before he purposefully fucked it up.

Kylo stared for just a few more seconds before pushing off of the wall and striding away from that spot. He couldn't take anymore. He had to destroy something.

The second that Kylo wasn't around, you pulled away from Hux.

"Where'd that come from?" He asked you with a grin on his face.

If only he knew...

A while later into the party, you had been standing with a few of your girlfriends. Jessica was there and you were doing okay hiding how you felt but every time she brought up Vicrul, you had to look away so that she couldn't see the expression on your face.

Hux had been standing with a few men, discussing something, still buzzing from your public kiss earlier.

And Kylo had been in a different room, ordering Ushar to do something specific for him. The two were talking in hushed words, Kylo's voice slightly slurred from the alcohol he'd been drinking and Ushar's full of excitement at the fact that he had been given a task to do.

Soon, Ushar made his way out to the main room, eyes scanning wildly until they landed on Hux.

As the Knight made his way over to the group of men, everyone besides Hux seemed to find excuses to go somewhere else. Ushar wasn't exactly a friendly man that they were dying to talk to, quite the opposite actually.

Hux watched him walk over with a look of disgust on his face. "What is it?" He asked him quickly. They had never had a conversation before, there was no reason for him to just come up and talk to him.

Ushar grinned, the ruder that Hux was to him, the better that this was going to be. "I just remembered something." He told him, then continued, "I wanted to say that I was impressed. I didn't think you had it in you." Ushar said vaguely.

Hux frowned, "What are you talking about?" He asked irritatedly.

Ushar's sinister smile widened. "I was going over to Ren's apartment and I saw your girlfriend leave her's..." Him bringing you up caused Hux to tense up, already angry at the thought of this man across from him even thinking about you, let alone talking about you. "I saw her legs, man, you really got her, didn't you? Like I said, I was impressed, didn't think someone like you would be into that."

Hux was more confused than ever. "What are you talking about?" He repeated his earlier question, almost stuttering over his words in frustration. Your legs? What about them? He hadn't done anything to them.

"Don't be so humble. Good for you, 'ya know?" Ushar smirked, he knew his job here was done. He gave Hux a nod, as if to say 'bye' before he walked off leaving Hux to stare after him in bewilderment.

You had been oblivious to all of this.

When you and Hux had gotten to your apartment from the party, his lips were right on yours.

You really didn't want to have sex right now. You were worked up from Kylo earlier and not in a sexual way. In a way that made you want to crawl under your blankets and maybe scream into your pillow.

But you obliged somewhat, kissing him back. You'd stop him before it got too deep, you thought.

As Hux moved his lips against yours, his hands roaming up the sides of your body, he couldn't help but let his mind wander off to what Ushar had said to him earlier. Something about seeing your legs?

"I haven't seen you naked in so long." Hux breathed against your lips.

You swallowed hard at that, chuckling to cover it up. "You've been out of town so much, Armie, I barely get to see you at all." You told him, running your fingers over the material of his shirt on his chest.

"Please." He begged. Ushar's words didn't exactly worry him but he was curious and he didn't want to bring it up to you, he felt stupid being out of the loop.

You bit your lip, pretending to become shy. "I don't know. I'm nervous."

Hux couldn't help but laugh. "Since when?"

You sighed then, knowing that was true. Out of all of the things about yourself that you were nervous to show Hux, your body had never been one of them.

Before you could respond, Hux's hands were at the button of your jeans, undoing them and pulling down the zipper before you could process what was happening.

"Arm-" You tried to tell him to stop but his lips cut you off, kissing you as he pulled your pants down in one swift motion.

You tried to grab at them, to pull them back up before he could look down but it was too late.

Hux's eyes landed on your thighs, at all of the bruises that were covering them. They looked like hickeys, there was no way that you would be able to charm your way out of this.

His head was swimming. Ushar's comments made since now, he'd seen the bruises on your thighs and thought that Hux had done them. But he hadn't.

You were both at a loss of words. You were trying to figure out how to explain yourself and Hux was trying to figure out what he even wanted to say to you.

"Who is he?" Hux then asked you, his face heated up with anger. He was pissed now, realizing what was going on here. Someone gave you these marks and it hadn't been him.

You opened and closed your mouth, terrified to answer.

"Tell me! I want a name." Hux said to you, his voice shaking. He needed to know if he knew him, if he had to be embarrassed that more than one person had gone behind his back.

You didn't know what to say. You couldn't back your way out of this but you also couldn't tell him that it had been Kylo.

"Connor." You lied, remembering that Hux thought you had been on a trip with your college class. "He's an art major too." You told him, trying to piece your story together as you said it out loud. "It was a mistake... we all got drunk on the last night of the trip and it just happened. I regret it so much, it's been killing me." You told him. The last part was true. What you had done with Kylo was killing you.

Hux said nothing as he stared at you, chest heaving. His reactions were always based on what he thought he was supposed to do. In this situation, he had no idea. Did he leave? Did he break up with you on the spot? Did he force you to tell him all of the details? These questions buzzed through his head as he raked his eyes up and down your legs, taking all of it in.

"Do you understand what this means?" Hux asked you, he had a look of disgust on his face.

You stood there, dumbstruck. You didn't know what to say, you weren't sure what he meant.

"Whose name is on your credit cards?" He asked you, furious.

You exhaled, ashamed, "Hux..." You addressed him, trying to calm him down.

He let out an angry laugh, "Yeah, that's right. Hux. Armitage Hux. That's the name on your credit cards...How about this lease?" He motioned to the apartment around you. "Or your tuition bill that gets mailed to my house every semester?"

You couldn't even look at him.

He was silent, fuming. He never rubbed the things that he paid for in your face. He paid for them because it was an unspoken agreement between the two of you and he enjoyed it. He gave you the lifestyle that you wanted and in return, you were loyal to him. But you had broke that loyalty. You didn't hold up your end of the deal.

"What would you have right now if I took away everything I owned? Everything I've paid for?" He asked you, moving in closer to you. He wasn't yelling but he looked like he could explode.

You didn't say anything. You honestly weren't sure. You had some belongings from before you met him but everything that was worth something, your apartment, your college...All of that came from him.

You were shaking, looking down at your trembling hands. You were going to be homeless, you realized. You'd have to stop going to school even though you had worked so hard and were so close to graduating. You would have nothing in your bank account, everything came from him. Would he be spiteful enough to take away all of the clothes and items like your computer or phone, that he had paid for as well?

"Huh? What would you have?" Hux asked you again, almost mockingly.

You felt like you were going to pass out, you should've prepared for this. You scolded yourself for never saving money somewhere else or making sure that you had a place to go if things ever went badly with Hux. You never thought you needed to. He was such a constant figure in your life, you never thought you'd lose him. You never thought you'd meet someone like Kylo that made you willingly fuck everything up.

"Nothing." You said to him in a quiet voice.

"That's right. Without me, you would have nothing." Hux agreed with you. "Without me, you wouldn't even be alive, would you?"

You didn't say anything but you shook your head. He was right, he was the only reason Snoke hadn't killed you.

Hux started pacing around in front of you, thinking about this, trying to process this new information. He tried to think about how he could go about this and what everyone else would think. He had a hard time believing that word wouldn't somehow get out that you had cheated on him. The thought of all the men finding out that you had sex with someone behind his back, was almost worse to him than you actually having sex.

And then he started thinking about what it would be like to really lose you. It killed him to know that you had betrayed him but at the same time... The thought of you not being around whenever he needed you was killing him too.

Even though you didn't feel a passion with Hux in the way that you did with Kylo, your relationship was exactly what he needed. He had someone to have sex with and to bring around as a date. He could relax with you and go out to fancy places. And he also didn't have to worry about emotions or your feelings. He didn't mind spending a fortune on you if it meant you wouldn't complain or start arguments with him all of the time.

It was sad. He wasn't perfect for you but you were perfect for him.

Hux wasn't sure if he was willing to give that up, even after what you had done to him.

"When do you want me to move out of here?" You asked him, trying to pull yourself together. You couldn't feel sorry for yourself, this was all your fault. And you had been dumb enough to not have a back up plan.

Hux stopped his movements and looked over to you. He softened at your question and at how scared you looked. Damn you, he thought, you should be the one feeling guilty, not him.

"I don't want you out." He decided.

You looked up in surprise, "What do you mean?"

"I don't want to break up with you either." Hux admitted, his eyebrow knit together at how conflicted he was feeling. "You've been acting so different lately and I've ignored it, I should've seen this coming."

You knew what he meant. Ever since Kylo had been around you'd been a lot more outspoken and risky. You were surprised that he had noticed, he loved to be ignorant when it came to you.

"This is my fault." Hux continued, hating to say those words out loud. "I've been gone so much lately...You don't act like yourself and I just leave you all alone...It isn't right.

You were shocked. Hux never admitted that he was wrong and out of all situations, this was one that you genuinely didn't think he should be taking the blame for. But him feeling this way seemed to be the reason that you weren't losing everything...you decided to go along with it. You always knew exactly what to say to him, you knew how to get what you wanted when it came to him.

"I've just missed you," You lied, agreeing with his train of thought. "It was wrong of me, there's no excuses but I've just felt so alone lately."

Hux frowned and thought about it. He didn't want anyone finding out about this. Hux always put his reputation and success over his feelings.

"We can make this work. But I need three things from you." Hux told you decidedly. As if it were a business deal. 

You nodded at him. You were so surprised that he wasn't walking out of your door and taking everything with him. You realized then how little you actually meant to him. He treated you well but he only viewed you as a status symbol. You only existed in his life to fulfill his sexual needs and to make him look successful in front of the other men. If he really cared about you, the thought of you with someone else would have upset him more, it would've made him want to at least consider ending things.

"First off, I need to know that it was just sex." He told you. He was looking down at you with a pained expression on his face, he was practically begging you with his eyes to tell him what he wanted to hear.

"I can deal with this...It will take time but I can move on if I know that it was only sex to you. If I can chalk it up as a..." He struggled to find a way to say it that didn't make him want to vomit, "moment of weakness," He decided on. "I can find a way past this. But if there was any real feeling involved...If you feel any emotion at all towards this man..." He trailed off, shaking his head, he didn't want to say it out loud.

You really thought about what he was saying. There had been feelings involved, at least on your end. You really felt for Kylo. But after what he'd said to you, you had no choice to believe that he didn't share the same connection. If the passion had only been one sided, did it really count?

"It was only sex." You told him in an even voice. Maybe that's really all that it had been, after all. 

Hux nodded once at that. It was what he had wanted to hear, regardless of it were true or not. He didn't move from the close way he was standing over you.

"Second, I need you to swear to me that it won't ever happen again. I need to be able to trust you." Hux let some of his emotion slip at that, his voice wavering. He really had trusted you, he never thought you would betray him. He had been oblivious and it had been so much easier before he found this out.

Would it ever happen again? In your mind, you and Kylo were finished. There was no going back to that. "It won't ever happen again, I swear." You said. Tears welled in your eyes. Not because of guilt but because it now seemed so final. You and Kylo would never happen again.

Hux stared at you for a few moments after you said that. He didn't know if he should believe you but he had no other option. If he decided you were lying to him, he'd have to end it and he really didn't want to do that.

He broke eye contact and began pacing in front of you, rubbing his jaw in thought. He did this in silence for a few minutes.

"What's the third?" You asked him softly, reminding him that he had originally told you that he needed three things from you and had only named two.

He stopped his pacing at that question, looking back at you again. Clearly, he was thinking over what he wanted to say to you. Hux moved so that he was right back in front of you, his eyes filled with purpose. He grabbed both of your shoulders, as if to let you know how serious this next favor was going to be.

Then,

"I need you to help me take down Kylo Ren."


	15. Weak

Hux's words had hit you like a ton of bricks.

"I need you to help me take down Kylo Ren." 

This meant more than just betraying a man that had spent so much time inside your mind and body.

This meant also betraying Snoke and betraying the entire mob, which meant an entire tidal wave of repercussions. 

Clearly, this had been something that Hux wanted to ask of you for a while now but didn't want to put that amount of pressure on you. After you pissed him off so badly, he decided that it was time. If you felt comfortable cheating on him then he felt comfortable asking for something dangerous from you.

You hesitated when he first asked but knowing you didn't exactly have a choice, you agreed.

You had asked Hux what he exactly meant by helping him. He informed you that he'd let you know when he needed you to do something specific but for now, he just needed you to agree to watch Kylo's apartment and let him know if you ever saw anything suspicious coming or going. He told you that he had plans coming up that you'd be an important part of but left it at that.

Hux said if everything went according to plan, that by the new year, Kylo Ren would be gone.

Christmas wasn't too far away, New Years would be coming up before you knew it.

You weren't sure if Hux was going to be able to pull off whatever plan that he had but if he did, you were never going to see Kylo again once this year was over. And you'd have to live with yourself knowing that you had helped bring him to his demise.

In the back of your mind, you knew that if this plan didn't work out that the opposite would take place... By the new year, Hux would be gone. If Kylo were to survive whatever was planned for him, no doubt, he would kill everyone who betrayed him. You realized you'd be included in that group.

As this information processed in your mind, you realized, no matter what happened...You were going to lose either Kylo or Hux. And maybe even your own life.

The next morning, you were staring at yourself in the mirror. You had spent the night alone with your thoughts.

You were lying to everyone, you realized. You weren't sure how you would be able to keep it all straight.

You were lying to Hux, to Kylo, to your friends, to Snoke, to the police...

Your eyes narrowed at your reflection, growing suspicious. Were you even lying to yourself? 

When you got back from class, you smirked when you saw what looked like a card taped to your front door. Hux must've bought you a gift. Even though you were the one to fuck up by cheating on him, it didn't surprise you that his first thought to end this argument would be to buy you something.

But as you opened the envelope, your hand went over your mouth in surprise.

Inside were pictures. Of you.

They had been taken over the last several days that you'd been back from saying goodbye to your mom. It seemed like someone had been following you every single place you went outside of your apartment. There were photos of you walking to class, in the art studio painting, at the party...

There was a note too. 'Call Me- Officer Dameron' was sprawled on it along with a phone number.

The cops were following you. And they wanted to talk to you. The photos were a threat. If you didn't call them, they'd find you.

Fuck.

You kept looking at the photos as if you would be able to remember exactly when they were taken, if there was anyone suspicious around when it happened. But it was impossible, there was always so many people around in the city.

You stared at the number. You were going to have to call them, but you had no idea what to say to them. Kylo was supposed to be helping you with this before everything happened between the two of you...

Groaning under your breath, you knocked on the door down the hall from you. You really didn't want to do this but you had no other choice. You were terrified to say the wrong thing to the police and Kylo was the only one who knew the entire situation. This wasn't the first time you'd been to his apartment because you needed his help but this time you did feel the most out of place.

It was like Kylo had been waiting at the door, opening it instantly.

You two locked eyes for a moment, taking in how it felt to be in a familiar setting with very unfamiliar feelings.

"Can I come in?" You asked. You felt awkward.

Kylo realized this was the first time you'd ever asked to come inside. Every other time you just pushed him out of the way and walked in yourself. The idea that you didn't feel comfortable doing that now made him frown.

"Sure." He told you with a sigh, moving out of the way so that you could walk inside. He shut the door behind you. He watched you, wondering if his plan had worked the night before. Did Hux find out about the bruises on your thighs?

You handed him the envelope full of the pictures and the note. It would make more sense for him to look through it himself instead of you explaining.

As Kylo opened the envelope and flipped through the photos, you took in the way that his apartment looked. When you'd been there before, everything had been so neat, it almost had looked like no one was even living in it. But right now, it was messy. Clearly, it looked like someone was living there and it also looked like that person hadn't left the apartment in days.

Your eyes went back to Kylo, noting the way that he had some stubble on his face that you hadn't noticed the night before. He had on pajamas and his hair was a mess, reflecting the state of his apartment.

You couldn't help but wonder if you had anything to do with that as well. Vicrul did mention that Kylo had been in a bad mood ever since you had all gotten back. It couldn't have been a coincidence that it took place after he said those hurtful things to you. That should've satisfied you, it should make you happy that he was having such a tough time coming to terms with what he did. But really, it just gave you the urge to help him. You had to hold yourself back from gathering together and throwing away the empty beer bottles on the table next to you, to clean up a little.

"Shit." Kylo muttered to himself as he finished looking through everything.

"Yeah, shit." You agreed with him, biting your thumb nail.

"Sit down." Kylo told you, not taking his eyes off of the pages in his hand. "I'm gonna think this through and then you'll call him while you're still here."

He wasn't even going to let you talk to him on your own. "I thought you trusted me." You told him, calling his bluff. It was true, he had said he did before he had pretended you meant nothing to him.

Kylo locked eyes with you for a moment, realizing what you were doing. "Sit." He repeated in return, pointing to his couch. He didn't have the energy to get into it with you.

You were exhausted too so you didn't argue. You took a seat on his couch. You were nervous. Kylo was going to tell you what to say but what if you messed it up somehow? After what you had agreed to do for Hux, you weren't sure where exactly your loyalty lied. You were betraying everyone.

After a few minutes, Kylo joined you on the couch. You noticed that he had a glass of something in his hand. Whiskey.

You checked the time on your phone, "It's not even noon." You frowned. Honestly, you wanted to make a joke about how he was drinking in the morning but it was more concerning then humorous.

Kylo ignored you. He knew what time it was. It had sort of been routine for the last couple of days now to drink throughout the day.

"Okay, I'm going to tell you everything you need to say and how you need to respond to him. Do you need me to write it down?" He got right into business.

"No." You told him, hoping you sounded confident.

For a little over a half an hour, Kylo informed you of what information you'd be telling him and what to say if he asked certain things. You had made him run it through a few times, getting nervous that you'd forget something or panic when you actually started making the phone call.

"Do you think you're ready?" Kylo asked you. He could see how anxious you were and he wanted to do more to comfort you. He knew that if you had been in this situation before, he would be holding you close to him, playing with your hair and whispering to you that you were going to do such a good job.

But things were different now. He couldn't do that. He was talking to you as if you were one of his men, straight to the point and just enough so that you knew what he wanted from you.

"Um..." You held your phone in your hands, "I guess? I mean, I don't think I'll ever feel ready so I think I should just do it."

You dialed the number and hovered your thumb over the 'send' button. You took in a shaky breath, trying to hype yourself up in your head.

Kylo saw this and couldn't help himself. He put a gentle hand on your knee, causing you to look over at him. "You can handle this. Think of all the shit you've been able to do on your own, this is no different. It's just a phone call." He said to you. It took you back to how he had reassured you before you walked into your mom's hospital room. Just like they had at the time, Kylo's words helped you now.

You pressed send and held the phone up to your ear with a trembling hand.

Kylo moved in closer to you as you talked on the phone so he was able to hear the officer on the other end of it more clearly. You let him keep his hand on your knee, it was reassuring.

His focus on you never left, taking in the way you were speaking, performing the script that he had given you. You were doing such a good job, he thought to himself. Even some of his men who had been in the mob for years would crack at some of the officer's statements and questions. But you kept your cool, at least on the outside.

There had only been one point that had thrown you off guard. When Office Dameron asked you something that you hadn't prepared for, you looked to Kylo with wide eyes and he gave you a calm nod in response, his way of telling you to say yes. You put your hand on his and squeezed, wordlessly saying 'thank you' before saying "yes" out loud to the unplanned question.

Kylo felt his stomach drop as he realized how much this was effecting him. He always loved how strong you were and how you handled yourself, even in times when it was difficult. Watching you be able to take control of yourself in a risky situation, especially when you were so nervous about it, was reminding him why he was so infatuated with you in the first place. It was causing all of those feelings of affection to bubble back up at the surface even though he had been trying so hard to push them away these last couple of days.

He wondered what it would be like, if he could love you the way a normal person would. Before meeting you, the thought of having anything close to a girlfriend seemed like such a burden but after being around you, he couldn't help but think you would even be useful to him. You'd help him do things like this and be there to make sure he didn't lose his head. A partner in crime. He moved his hand away from your knee at the thought, it was childish and stupid. Besides, he had his chance and he had intentionally ruined it.

Coincidentally, right when Kylo had moved away, you had said your goodbyes and hung up the phone.

You took a big deep breath and let it out, calming yourself. You did it.

You grabbed for Kylo's drink, finishing the whiskey in a single gulp. "Gross." You shivered, putting the empty glass back on the table. It was way too early for that, even after the stress you'd been under.

He couldn't help but chuckle at that, affectionately, his eyes still trained on you like they had been that entire time.

You looked over at him and were surprised with how intensely he'd been staring at you. You shifted slightly, feeling uncomfortable. "Did I do alright?" You tried to break the tension.

Kylo nodded, "You did perfectly, I'm impressed." He was staring at you like he was going to kiss you. He really wanted to.

You almost even let yourself close the gap and press your lips against his. You tried to remember how you had felt in the shower with him, when he had looked you in the eyes and said, 'I don't care about you', and the reminder of how much that had hurt you was enough to make you not give in and kiss him.

The tension between the two of you was thick in the air. It was the first time in a while that the two of you were alone but not having sex with each other.

"I want to fuck you so bad." Kylo said in low voice, locking his eyes with yours. "Seeing you lie to the cops for me was really fucking hot."

You sighed and turned your head away so you didn't have to look at him. You couldn't give in after what he'd done to you. How could he act like nothing had changed between the two of you...everything had.

He moved in closer so that he could practically whisper and you'd still be able to hear him clearly. "I want to tell you that you've been such a good girl for me but good girls don't lie, do they? I think that means you've been a bad girl for me. I almost like that better..." He purred in your ear, his hand that had been resting on your knee before was now on your thigh, squeezing you. He was doing everything he could to make you hate him less, he was clueless when it came to any expression than wasn't sex.

"Kylo, fuck off." You stood up from the couch at that, knowing that if you didn't distance yourself, you were going to give in. You started gathering up the photos that the cops left you, to put back in the envelope so that you could leave but Kylo's hand wrapped around your wrist, stopping you.

You tried moving out of his grip but he didn't let you.

"Please." He said to you. His voice was tempting, dark but it was also weak. He wasn't even saying 'please' for you to fuck him, he knew you wouldn't do that. He was just begging, saying nonsense because he didn't want to see you walk out of the door.

You yanked your hand out from his grip. "You're so full of shit." You told him, looking down at him. "You might think that you're a master manipulator because you can control all of your men who share a single brain cell but I see right through you." You started gathering up the photos again. He let you this time.

"You care about me, Kylo. And it sucks, believe me, I know how badly it fucking sucks to have feelings for someone that you don't want to have them for. But it's where you are right now and no amount of lying to me to hurt me, is going to take those feelings away." You clutched the envelope to your chest.

He looked shocked that you were saying these things to him, mainly he was shocked at how correct you were.

"If you want to stay away from me, then be my guest. It's probably for the best. But don't try to make it seem like I'm crazy for thinking that we might be forming a connection because we did. I know you felt it but you're pretending not to." You leaned in so that you were closer to him, "You look weak." You hissed.

And with that, you walked out of his door, chest rising and falling in shock of how much you had let yourself say to him. You had wanted to act like you didn't care, you didn't want him to know that he had effected you so much. But you couldn't help yourself, you had so much to say.

Kylo stared at the door for several moments, where you had just left. He did feel weak. He was weak. He picked up his empty whiskey glass and hurled it across the room where it hit the wall opposite from him, smashing into a bunch of pieces. 

As you walked into your own apartment, you sighed when you heard your phone ring. 'What now?' you thought to yourself.

When you pulled your phone out, your stomach dropped to see that Officer Dameron was calling you back, you recognized it from the the number you had previously dialed.

You froze. You couldn't ignore it. And after your outburst on Kylo you didn't view it as an option to walk back in there to get his help. You would have to handle this on your own.

"Hello?" You answered, hoping you didn't sound as scared as you felt.

"Hi, it's Officer Dameron again." The voice on the other line told you, as if you didn't already know, "I forgot to mention something to you."

"Oh. Okay." You said lamely, unsure of how to respond to that.

"It doesn't have to do with our deal but I couldn't ignore the coincidence. There was a body found in an alley on fifth street. It belonged to one of your class mates...Connor Reid." As he told you this, you had to grab onto the kitchen counter in front of you to steady yourself.

Connor...that was who you told Hux you had cheated on him with.

You really didn't know the guy that well. He seemed alright but you had only ever had a few conversations with him. It was just the first male name that popped into your head when Hux had been questioning you about who you had sex with. You didn't think it would matter, you were just trying to cover your ass when it came to Kylo.

You had no doubt in your mind that Connor's dead body being found had some sort of correlation to Hux.

"Are you still there?" Officer Dameron asked you with a concerned voice.

"Y-yeah...I'm here, sorry. I just...I am just shocked, that's all." You said, trying to make your voice even. You wanted to make sure your reaction seemed appropriate. You weren't sure how you would react to this news if you had nothing to do with it.

"I know, I'm sorry that you had to find out this way. Like I said, this has nothing to do with our deal, so don't feel like you need to give me any information. I was just wondering if you knew him well."

You weren't sure if you should lie or not. You decided not to, there was no reason to dig yourself into a hole. "Not really. I mean we have a few classes together but we didn't talk much."

Officer Dameron sighed, "Okay, no problem. I just thought I would ask since we are going to have to start talking to his friends and family for possible leads soon. Thanks for cooperating through all of this today."

"S-sure." You stumbled on your words, hanging up the phone.

Immediately, you started dialing Hux's number, accidentally pressing a few wrong buttons out of being disoriented from this information, before placing the call.

When he answered, you told him to call you back on a different phone. He knew what you meant. You needed him to use a temporary, burner phone in case this was being tracked somehow.

"What is it?" He asked you when you had answered the call from his unknown number.

"Connor." You said quickly, not sure how to even start the conversation. "I heard about Connor."

Hux was confused, "Honey, what are you talking about?" He asked. He was at lunch with Snoke and a few other men, he had walked out to the bathroom to make this call to you.

"You killed him, didn't you? Or you had someone else do it." You said to him in a hushed voice. You were alone in your apartment but still felt the need to be secretive about it.

It dawned on Hux then, what you were talking about. He had almost forgotten. "Oh. Well, of course I did. What did you expect?"

Your jaw dropped at the casualness in his voice.

"I have a reputation to uphold. Not just for myself but for the mob as a whole. In the off chance that word got about you two, I needed to send a message. This kid chose to not only question me but he questioned the mafia when he fucked you. It was necessary for me to give an answer to it."

You were silent.

"What's wrong, honey? I thought you didn't have any feelings for him." Hux said in an almost mocking tone. You could hear the smirk on his face.

You had done such a good job staying out of all mob related business during your relationship with Hux, that you had never really heard him speak this way. You knew he had to have this mindset, there was a reason why he was Snoke's right hand man. But hearing it sent a chill down your spine. It didn't even sound like him.

"I have to go." You said and then hung up quickly. You let it sink in. You were responsible for an innocent bystander's death. 

You spent the rest of your day watching trashy reality TV on your couch, wishing that you could escape into that universe and away from yours. You weren't really watching it. Your brain was a mess. You had drawn so many lines of betrayal and you were starting to get them crossed with each other.

You were also starting to see everyone's true colors. Even your own. You realized you had a much looser grip on your morals than you originally thought. It was strange, learning you had caused Connor's death even a month ago would've absolutely wrecked you. But now, if you weren't actively thinking about how guilty you felt, you were able to disassociate from it. It was scary. You didn't want to turn into the type of person you hated. A person like Kylo.

It was late in the evening when you heard a knock at your door. You jumped slightly, on edge after the phone calls you've made today. You got up from your couch and looked through the peep hole to make sure you knew who it was before you opened the door.

Kylo.

You should've known.

You opened the door, "Kylo, I'm really not in the mood." You told him instantly. If he was coming here to try and fuck you or continue to lie to you, you didn't want to hear it.

He stared at you, leaning a hand against the frame of your door. He was towering over you, as if he were stopping you from leaving when it reality, you were the one trying to stop him from coming inside.

"I want to apologize." He said. It sounded like he a gun against his head as he said this, like he really didn't want to do this but he was being forced to.

You couldn't help but let out a little chuckle. It died out when you saw his expression. "Oh, you're serious?" You asked. At his stern look, you sighed and moved so that he could come in.

You walked with him to your couch, taking a seat on it while he joined you, setting his jacket onto the chair next to the couch.

The two of you sat in silence for what seemed like at least five minutes. You stared at the tv in front of you, trying not to notice how intently he had been looking at you.

Finally, you couldn't take it. You looked over at him. "I think you said something about apologizing." You turned off the tv then, not giving him an excuse to continue to sit there and just stare at you.

"I don't really know how to do it." Kylo admitted. He seemed so frustrated, like this was taking so much energy just to attempt to say sorry. It was. He didn't know how to start. He wondered if he really had to say 'I'm sorry' out loud or if it was just implied...did he explain to you how much he had been beating himself up about hurting you?

You sighed, bringing your legs up onto the cushion so that you could turn and face him. "Then, don't." You said, shrugging. "If you are having such a hard time with it, I don't want to hear it. It won't be sincere."

Kylo tilted his head back onto the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling. He was silent again, clamming up at the idea of doing this.

"Kylo, why are you here?" You felt like you were coaching a little kid through saying sorry for breaking a lamp, not a grown man for breaking your heart.

He looked over at you, thinking about your question. This was the hard part, he knew what felt but he didn't want to say it out loud to you. He didn't even want to say it to himself.

"I've told you before that you terrify me." Kylo said, locking eyes with you.

You nodded, thinking back to it. The night that he told you that was the first time you two kissed. The first time you two had sex. It had meant so much to you and it made you long for that dynamic between the two of you again.

"Well, it's not you. It's..." He trailed off, piecing it together. "It's what you represent to me."

You were intrigued now. This was much more talking than you assumed he would do.

"You remind me so much of who I used to be." Kylo told you.

"Ben." You said to indicate that you understood.

He winced slightly hearing the name out loud, especially from you. But he nodded in response, letting you know that you were thinking correctly.

"I had to sacrifice a lot to get rid of that person to become who I am today. Snoke would always tell me that Ben was my biggest enemy, the only thing holding me back, that's why I needed to get rid of him." He moved his gaze down to his hands now. "When I see you...I see that same enemy. Then I have all these conflicting feelings because on one hand I want to destroy you and on the other hand..." He looked back over to you now, not being able to say the rest of it out loud.

He didn't need to, you understood what he meant. You felt the same way. You wanted him out of your life but at the same time, you felt strange without him.

"Then I wonder... maybe you're here to test me." Kylo said with a frown. "I got rid of Ben but what if I'm supposed to get rid of you too? What if you're supposed to be in my life to remind me not to go down that path again?" It was like he was talking to himself, saying these thoughts out loud for the first time. "If that's true, I should've felt stronger after I hurt you. But I didn't, I don't. I feel weak."

"You should." You interjected, somewhat satisfied that he had been feeling like shit since you had been too.

He ignored you and continued, "Being around you makes me feel guilty. I feel like I'm turning my back on everything I've worked so hard to build...When I'm with you, I have to go against every instinct I have for myself. If you were anyone else, if I didn't have these fucking feelings for you, I would've killed you a long time ago. You drive me insane." He was getting frustrated now, you could hear it in his voice.

You understood what he meant and you even felt a pang of sympathy for him but that didn't mean you were forgiving him and you definitely didn't enjoy what he was saying. You felt some of the same feelings. Being around Kylo made you go against instinct as well. You had to let go of your morals when he was inside of your mind and body and it made you conflicted. The only difference was that you were able to handle that on your own, you didn't hurt him in order to figure it out.

Kylo wrestled with this frustration in silence. Then, he looked over to you, wanting to get your attention. "I didn't mean any of it...All of those things I said to you. They were lies."

You didn't react. "I know." You said simply.

"But it still hurt you." Kylo said, although it was a question he said it as if it were only a statement. He didn't understand. He was this well respected and successful man but he had no emotional intelligence. Ever since he'd gone from Ben to Kylo, his entire life was filled with manipulating others to get ahead. He couldn't remember what it was like to have genuine thoughts and emotions.

"Of course it did." You sighed. "It hurt because you did it on purpose. You were selfish, you wanted to make yourself feel in control so you tried to take away all of mine." You explained to him, playing with a loose string on the blanket underneath you, trying to preoccupy your eyes.

You continued, "It hurt because I would never do that to you, Kylo."

That hung heavy in the air.

You frowned, "You terrify me too, you know... I thought I killed off my ability to feel anything for anyone a long time ago and then you showed up and fucked up everything that I worked for. The worst part is, I don't know if it's real....I don't know if you're even telling the truth now."

Kylo was staring ahead, letting your words pierce him. He had tried so hard to push you away, it was his goal. He needed to get rid of you like he got rid of Ben. But now as you were sitting next to him, he didn't want that. He didn't want to hurt you. But he didn't know how not to. If Snoke knew how soft he was for you...Kylo shuddered at the thought of what he'd do.

"I'll never trust you, Kylo, I've told you that before. But what you did to me... I don't think I'll be able to forget it." You were being honest. Even though you would be able to forget about the words themselves, they were just lies, you would always question his motives.

Kylo's stomach flipped at that, lip twitching. You were never going to forget it.

"So, back to your apology," You smirked lightly, "I'll accept it. But that doesn't make it okay. It's not okay."

"It's not okay." Kylo agreed with you. He didn't know what else to say. For once, he was at a loss, confused about what direction he needed to go in.

"I lied to you like that because I allowed myself to give into my feelings for you while we were away... then all of a sudden, we were back here and I..." He wasn't sure how to finish that. It took him a moment, then, "I'm not used to being so scared." He admitted this to you in the smallest voice you had ever heard from him. Even when he had been sobbing into your chest, he hadn't looked as defenseless as he did in this moment.

It almost took your breath away. Now you were the one who didn't know what to do. You had the urge to help him but you couldn't bring yourself to.

"You don't need to be afraid of me." You said to him simply. You wanted to say so much more.

Kylo didn't respond to that. It wasn't the comfort he wanted. He wanted to be in your arms, just like he had been the night he told you about his mom, the time you called him Ben. But you wouldn't do that for him anymore, he knew that.

Kylo stood up from your couch, grabbing his jacket from the seat he'd left it on. "Well, have a good night." He seemed so sad. There was nothing else he could do.

You didn't say anything to that. You watched him leave, biting your lip to keep from telling him to come back. You were still hurt that he did that to you in order to keep his own feelings protected. But you did understand where he was coming from. You had more in common with him that you realized.

Kylo walked out of your apartment. The sound of the door shutting seemed so loud.

Your eyes traveled to the chair that his jacket had been laying on and narrowed your eyes when you saw something on the back of the cushion. As you got closer you were able to see that it was a flash drive. You picked it up, it must've fallen out of his pocket.

You started making your way to the door to yell for him and tell him he'd left it. But then you thought about Hux's words, "I need you to help me take down Kylo Ren".

You stared at the flash drive in your hands, wondering what could be on it. Maybe it was nothing, something stupid like bills or legal documents. But maybe there was something more on there. Something that could be of use to you. 

Kylo was oblivious to what he'd accidentally left behind as he walked back into his apartment. If he would've known, he would've taken it back. It was important.

He numbly took a seat on his couch, staring off into space.

With the silence practically suffocating him, reminding him how alone he was, he let the tears fall from his eyes.

Only this time you weren't there to help him wipe them away.


	16. Doctor's Orders

You were sitting in the back of Hux's car and honestly you were pretty pissed.

For once, it really had been no one's fault but the mob itself.

The two of you had just sat down for dinner when he got a phone call saying that he needed to meet a few of the men somewhere. It was an emergency. Whatever that meant in the mafia world.

You weren't upset because he had to go. Really, you were mad because you were really hungry and had been looking forward to the food you were about to order. You were being overdramatic about it too on purpose, just to spite him.

Hux rolled his eyes at the way that you were pouting next to him. "I'll take you somewhere even better afterwards, okay? This won't take long." He tried to calm you down, as if he didn't have time for it. He must've been stressed about whatever he was about to walk into.

"Whatever." You sighed. Kylo would've called you a brat and maybe even threatened to spank, you realized. The image of it pissed you off even more. You wished you could get him out of your brain.

It wasn't surprising to you that you and Hux were practically back to normal, as if he'd never found out about you sleeping with someone behind his back. Well, you know, besides the fact that he had killed the man he thought you cheated on him with. He seemed so distracted lately, things with the mob must've been going really well or really terrible for him because your infidelity had been such a small problem for him in comparison.

The driver pulled up to a sketchy bar in a pretty shitty part of town, parking up to the curb.

"I don't want to go in there." You told him, grumpily.

He laughed at the thought of that, thinking of the way you'd look inside a place like that, "You aren't going in there. You'll stay here. I told you, it won't take long."

So, there you were, in the back of the car with a driver you'd never spoken to before. It wasn't that you hadn't wanted to get to know him but the man himself did everything he could not to speak to either you or Hux the times he'd driven you places. You weren't sure you blamed him, he was probably trying to stay out of anything he wasn't supposed to know.

After several minutes of awkward silence, the doors to the bar opened up and two men walked outside. When they stepped further into the light, you were able to make out that they were Vicrul and Ushar.

You couldn't help but grin, seeing them. Finally, some entertainment. You rolled your window down and yelled 'hey', to get their attention.

They looked up at you and squinted, trying to make out who you were in the dim street lights.

"How much for the both of you?" You joked, as if they were prostitutes. God, can you imagine...

It dawned on them then, who you were. They laughed, saying something to each other that you were too far away to hear. Then, they waved you over, telling you to come join them.

You didn't have to be told twice. Having a conversation outside with them seemed a lot more fun than sitting in the stuffy car with a silent driver.

"Are you guys running away?" You asked them, since they were standing outside instead of being inside doing god knows what.

They might've been surprised to see you if they hadn't passed Hux on the way in. Ushar had laughed so hard when he saw the angry expression on the other man's face. He must've seen your legs, he thought, Kylo's plan had worked.

Ushar pulled out a pack of cigarettes and held them up to you, indicating that they were out there to smoke. He pulled one from the pack and lit it up.

"I didn't know you smoked." You commented.

"Are you surprised?" He asked with a laugh.

You shrugged, "Guess not." You weren't. He had mentioned doing hard drugs in front of you enough times that a cigarette really wasn't a concern.

"I think it's fucking gross." Vicrul said with a cough, waving some smoke away from his face.

"Why are you out here then? To make sure he doesn't take any candy from strangers?" You asked, motioning towards Ushar who rolled his eyes at your comment.

"He almost did." Vicrul grinned, referencing how you had just yelled to them from the car. Ushar would've taken more than candy from you, given the opportunity.

You all chuckled at that.

"Speaking of that," Ushar started, the look in his eyes was mischievous. "How are you feeling?" He asked as he pointed to your thighs, where the bruises had been.

You had no idea that he had been the one to tell Hux about them.

"Very funny," You said sarcastically. "I'm fine. They're almost gone, thanks for the concern." You were grateful for that. They had been really faded when Hux saw them and now there were just a few big ones left.

"That's too bad." Vicrul grinned, a glint in his eye.

You grinned right back at him, feeling confident in the attention that they were giving you. You knew you could flirt as hard as you wanted with them, they'd never try anything behind Kylo's back. It was sort of an ego boost to be such a tease. "Maybe you two will have to give me a few more then."

Vicrul and Ushar paused in surprise then looked at each other in a way that said 'hell yeah' before nudging each other. The Knights talked about you all the time after what you'd done with them in that club. They were almost as obsessed with you as Kylo was and that was saying something.

"Where can I get one of these?" Ushar asked the man next to him with a smirk, pointing at you.

You felt the compliment go right to your head. "There's no one like me."

Vicrul nodded, looking you up and down, "I believe that." He flirted with you.

Before more could be said (perhaps that was for the best), one of the other Knights poked his head out from the door. "What the fuck are you guys doing? Come in." He hissed at them. It didn't surprise you that the two of them were missing out on something important, they were like teenagers skipping class.

Ushar sighed and tossed his cigarette on the ground, putting it out under his foot. "Well, see ya around, kid." He told you, pushing your shoulder in gentle, joking way causing you to roll your eyes.

The two of them made their way to the entrance.

With his hand on the door handle, Vicrul looked back at you. "Bye, princess." He said with a wink.

You stared after him, eyes widening in shock. You had not been expecting him to call you that. Something told you that Kylo wouldn't appreciate it. 

You continued to stand outside for a while, kicking at a few stray rocks that were laying on the sidewalk, trying to preoccupy yourself from getting back into the car. It was nice out and the car was so quiet and awkward.

The door to the bar opened and a few, very obviously drunk guys, came out of it. They didn't pay you any attention but they started laughing and talking way too loud to each other, it made you uncomfortable and honestly hurt your ears.

You sighed to yourself and began walking a little further down the sidewalk. You hummed softly to yourself, wondering what the hell was going on in there. Clearly, it wasn't the classy business meetings that you were used to accompanying Hux to. The person who called him on the phone said that they needed him there as soon as possible.

It wasn't worth even contemplating, you realized. There was almost no way you'd be able to guess what was going on.

You must've walked further down the sidewalk than you realized because when you finally looked up, you saw that you were at the end of the street. At least you were getting your steps in for the day, you thought to yourself with a laugh. You turned to make your way back to where you started.

Then, before you could even process what was happening, a hand went over your mouth and an arm around your chest.

You tried to scream and fight against whoever it was but they didn't let go. He hit you hard on the back of the head, "Don't make any noise, bitch." The man said, his voice was deep and raspy and he smelled like liquor. The figure quickly pulled you into the dark alley, gripping you hard.

He pushed you against the brick wall of the alley, his forearm pressed against your neck so that you couldn't move and could barely breathe. You saw light reflect off of something in his hand and then when you felt the threat of something sharp against your stomach you realized that it must be a knife.

"You look rich, how much do you have in your pockets?" He could barely form a sentence and his breath smelled even stronger like cheap liquor now that he was up close. You eyes adjusted to the darkness and you saw that this man was a complete stranger. You had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

You tried to tell him that you had nothing but his arm was pressed against your throat and you couldn't get the air out to say it. Honestly, you did have nothing, your purse was still in the car and you didn't have anything on you, not even your phone.

"Answer me!" The man yelled, he moved his arm and you tried to respond now that your throat wasn't restricted but he used the free hand to hit you hard on the jaw, causing the back of your head to slam against the bricks.

You winced in pain, trying to catch your breath. "N-Nothing." You coughed out, trying to remember what exactly you had on you so that you could distract him. He began pressing the knife against you, you weren't sure if it was just a threat or not.

"Wait," You said to him, panicking, "My earrings."

It took him a second to process what you were saying, he was clearly wasted. "Give 'em to me." He said, now holding the knife up into the light so that you were able to see it and remember the danger you were in.

You shakily moved your hands up to pull at your earrings. They were worth a lot, Hux had bought them for you a while ago, real diamonds. Before pulling them out of your ear, noticing how the man was watching you in a swaying motion, barely coherent, you saw your chance. You brought your knee up to his crotch, getting him right between his legs.

He doubled over in pain, cussing under his breath. While he was recovering from that, you started running away. You just needed to get to the bar, you thought to yourself, everyone in there would protect you if you just got to the bar.

"Help!" You screamed. The men who had been outside of the bar before were gone and although you obviously didn't know it at the time, your driver had fallen asleep in his seat. It seemed as if there was no one to hear you.

Unfortunately, you were wearing ridiculous high heels and you were very much regretting that right now, you couldn't go as fast as you needed to. You felt a hand grab at the back of your shirt and then you felt yourself being pushing to the ground. You fell hard onto the concrete, on your hands and knees, scraping the delicate skin there.

Then, your hair was being pulled and you were being moved so that you were on your back. This drunk fucking idiot of a man was on top of you, his knee digging into your stomach to hold you down.

"Earrings now, you bitch!" He yelled at you, waving the knife around to emphasize his point. The two of you were still in the ally, you had barely made it out.

You felt so stupid as you laid there, squirming in pain. You hated feeling helpless and in this moment you really were. You had no weapons, stupid shoes on, and you could barely fight back with the way that he was holding you down.

You reached up to grab at your earrings, just wanting to give him what he wanted, maybe he'd let you go. You managed to pull the back of one off but he smacked you in face, telling you to hurry up. This was taking too long and he was getting nervous. He thought he would've been able to just take a purse or wallet from you and run.

"Hurry!" He was panicking, his hand shaking as he held the knife up to your throat, "I'll fucking cut you, I swear." You weren't sure you believed him but it wasn't worth taking a chance on. You handed him one of the earrings quickly.

Then, you heard the bang before you saw the aftermath.

You screamed at the sound, squeezing your eyes shut. You assumed the man had pulled a gun out when you weren't looking. Your mind went right to the idea that you had been shot yourself and you were just in shock.

But when you opened your eyes, you realized that it hadn't been you.

The man on top of you slumped against you, making you gasp for breath, and as your mind processed what just happened, you saw a figure looming over the two of you.

Kylo.

His eyes were wild, chest heaving as he stared daggers at the body on top of you.

He grabbed the now dead man's body by the back of his shirt, pulling him off of you and tossing him onto the ground beside you. You weren't coherent enough to see him kick at the body and spit on him on angrily. You glanced at the body and saw a bullet hole right in his forehead. A perfect shot.

Kylo wanted to do more. He wished that he had the opportunity to torture this man, the shot had killed him too quickly for him to have really felt any pain. The sight of the man on top of you, hurting you, brought out a side of Kylo that was terrifying. The man was lucky he'd been shot where he had so that it had been quick.

Then, Kylo's eyes fell back to you and he instantly softened.

You could hardly breathe as Kylo bent down so that he could pick you up, bridal style. You were tense in his arms, your entire body hurt and you were still trying to piece together what had happened. You looked up into his eyes, catching your breath. He saved you.

Kylo said your name softly, looking you over to see if there were any injuries that he could spot right away. He could barely think himself.

You clutched onto his shirt, realizing that you were safe now in his arms. You didn't want him to let you go.

The two of you didn't have much time alone, a set of footsteps rounded the corner. You and Kylo didn't take your eyes off of each other. You were both scared to look away, you needed to know that the other was still there and safe.

Hux jogged over to you two, "Ren, what the fuck are you doing? Put her down." He said in a frantic voice. He took in the scene, at the dead man on the concrete and you bloody in Kylo's arms.

Kylo ignored his demand. "She's hurt. She needs a doctor." He said. Still, his eyes never left yours.

You frowned at that comment. You weren't sure if you needed one.You supposed you had hit your head pretty hard and you had maybe hurt your ankle when the man pulled you down to the ground but the thought of a stranger looking you over right now didn't exactly seem pleasant.

"A doctor?" Hux asked Kylo, his voice almost in disgust. He looked at you now, taking in the injuries that he could spot.

"Honey, are you okay? What happened?" He asked. He glanced around after he asked if as if he was making sure there wasn't anyone around to see this. He was worried about you but there was so much going on with the mob, this was just an other thing to add to his list of tasks to handle in this very moment. He was distracted.

You opened your mouth to speak but you didn't have the energy to answer him. You weren't even sure if you knew the answer. You still had adrenaline coursing through your body, you weren't exactly aware of how hurt you were. Emotionally? You wouldn't describe it as feeling okay.

"We should get her out of here. The last thing we need is the cops showing up because of that." When Hux said the word, 'that', he pointed to the dead body on the ground beside the three of you. "We have enough going on." He added in a low, frustrated voice.

You felt like such a burden in that moment. You could barely stand on your own and now you were just adding more issues for them to deal with.

"Go get my Knights. Tell them to take care of the body. I'll bring her to her apartment." Kylo said, finally tearing his eyes away from you so that he could address the man across from him. He was so collected, knowing exactly what to do to handle this. "You have to stay here." He reminded Hux.

You didn't know the situation but based on Hux's expression, this was true. He wouldn't the able to leave the bar right now. Well, so much for it being a few minutes anyways, you noted in the back of your mind, how long would you have sat in the back of his driver's car?

The thought of Kylo being alone with you and being the one to take care of you right now, made Hux's skin heat up with anger. But there wasn't much else for him to do, he had to stay here and the longer that he contemplated a different plan, the more at risk they were for cops to start showing up. He couldn't put you above the mob, he just couldn't.

"Fine." He decided. Then he looked down at you and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

You could feel Kylo's grip on you tighten as he did so, pulling you in closer to him.

This was so fucked up, you thought. You were being cradled in Kylo's arms while your boyfriend kissed you. That was definitely not where you thought you'd end up tonight when you left to go to dinner.

"I'll stop by later." Hux assured you in a much gentler voice, moving hair from your eyes. His eyes then landed back to Kylo, "Be careful with her." He said in a warning tone.

Usually, Kylo would've made a joke to piss Hux off but he didn't have it in him right now. You being safe was his main priority even though he would love to make Hux jealous any other time. "I will." He told Hux sincerely.

This took Hux by surprise. He hadn't expected him to be so earnest. He blinked a few times then nodded, taken back, before turning and rushing back towards the bar, leaving the two of you alone again with the body of the man who had just tried to mug you.

"Kylo..." You said breathlessly. You weren't sure why you were saying it, you just needed him right now.

"I know, princess, you're okay now." He said to you. You didn't need to explain yourself, he could always practically read your mind. "Let's go home."

On the way back home, Kylo had held you in his arms the entire time, afraid to let you go. And you let him. You weren't thinking about how he had hurt you before because he had just rescued you. Right now, you were so thankful for him.

He made a phone call while you two had been in the back seat of Hux's drivers car. He was getting a doctor to come to your apartment to look you over. You didn't like the sound of it but you didn't argue. 

Soon, you and Kylo were sitting on your living room couch, while the doctor started pulling equipment out from his bag.

"This is kind of weird," You said to Kylo, motioning towards the stranger in your apartment, "No offense." You added to which the doctor merely shrugged. You had never had a doctor in your own space before, why would you have ever needed to?

Kylo chuckled a little. "He's used to this. Who do you think fixed this for me?" He pointed towards the scar on his face.

The doctor nodded at his statement. "I'd love to make you feel special, but I've doing this for years." He informed you as he moved closer to you with a flash light in his hands. You understood what he meant. When the guys got hurt during something that had to do with the mob, they couldn't exactly go to a hospital, it would attract too much suspicion and they would ask too many questions. They needed someone to privately take care of things like this. You wondered how many things he'd seen, this was no big deal in comparison, you assumed.

While the doctor gave you tests to determine how hurt you were and while he had disinfected and bandaged you where you needed it, Kylo watched you intently.

Seeing you laying in the alley, helpless and hurt, had really effected him. You only had minor injuries but the thought of potentially losing you really put things into perspective. Although that had been his goal when he said the hurtful things to you in the shower, the idea of you really being gone was horrifying to him. He couldn't shake the feeling of panic he had, wondering what would've happened if he hadn't heard you yell for help.

In that moment, as he watched the doctor wrap up your ankle, Kylo realized that he couldn't lose you. A part of him wondered if he already had...At that thought, a new idea formed in his mind. If that were true, he was going to do everything that he could to get you back.

"That should do it." The doctor said, zipping up his bag of supplies.

Kylo stood up from the couch to walk over to the door with him. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and handed him a wad of cash. You looked away, feeling guilty at the amount of money he had probably just spent on you.

"What do you think?" Kylo asked the doctor in a low voice, not wanting to worry you if things didn't look good.

You were staring at the two of them but you weren't able to hear them. You didn't realize he was asking about you, you thought he might be talking about something mob related so you tried not to eavesdrop.

"She's alright." The doctor said, putting the money in his own wallet. "Looks like a mild concussion and a sprained ankle. I cleaned the wounds she had but there's one on her knee that she might need help redressing, she'll probably want to do that tomorrow." He explained. "You'll be helping her with that, yeah?"

Kylo nodded, "Of course." His answer was instant.

The doctor opened up his bag again and pulled out a small note pad and pen. He jotted down some instructions and some general information. "She just needs some rest. Make sure she isn't doing a lot of walking on her ankle and I left some compression tape if it's starts swelling, you'll want to do that for her, it's easier from that angle. Call me if she starts feeling worse."

Kylo took the note from him and looked it over, making sure there wasn't anything he had a question about. He had no problem taking care of you.

They said their thank you's and goodbye's. You called out a thank you from the couch which earned you a wave in response.

Kylo made his way back over to you, folding the doctor's directions up and placing it in his wallet. "Let's get you in the bath." He said to you, holding his hand out for you to take.

You ignored his hand, "Bath? What if Hux comes back?" You asked him. The last thing that you wanted to worry about was having your boyfriend walk in to your apartment to see that.

He laughed a little at that, "He won't be getting back for a while. I'll be surprised if he's even able to stop by tonight." He left it at that. You were too tired to argue and seeing how frantic Hux had been, it wasn't hard to believe.

For some reason, you believed him. You took his hand and shakily got up onto your good foot, trying to balance on it.

Kylo let you try it for a few moments, wanting to give you some independence but when you stumbled and landed on your bad foot and grunted in pain, he put his arms around you to hold you up. He easily picked you up, just how he had done in the alley and started walking towards your bathroom.

You couldn't help but feel your stomach flutter as you watched the concentrated look on his face as made sure he was holding you in the right way so that he wouldn't hurt you. It felt like it did when you were out of town with him. Like the mob didn't exist and it was just the two of you. 

When you got into the bathroom with him, he set you down gingerly on your stool before going over to the bathtub and starting the water. You watched him as he made sure the temperature was right then went into your bedroom. You almost asked what he was doing but as you heard drawers being opened, you realized. He came back not too much later with a pair of your pajamas and underwear.

It took a bit of awkward maneuvering with your new injuries but you had been able to take your clothes off, with Kylo's help, and lower yourself into the bathtub.

Kylo sat on the edge of it. He didn't need to get in. As much as he'd like to, he wasn't trying to fuck you, he was just trying to help you. He tried to grab for your soap, to help you but you pushed his hand away. You were getting flashbacks to the last time he'd helped you wash yourself, when he'd said all of those things.

It clicked in his brain then, what you were thinking, and he moved so that he was still on the tiled edge of the tub but his back was more turned towards you, as if to give you privacy.

"How'd you know to find me?" You asked him, breaking the silence.

He couldn't help but laugh at that. "Do you really want to know?"

You rolled your eyes, "Obviously."

"We were holding someone out of the window...that's the only reason it was open, the only reason I was able to hear you yell for help." He was still chuckling slightly to himself as he remembered it. "I'll spare you the details but there's a few people who really pissed us off tonight. We needed some information from them and we were going to drop this one guy three stories down onto the concrete if he didn't tell us what we wanted to know."

You froze your movements of washing your body. You weren't sure what to say to that. You almost said that you were thankful for it but then you realized what you were saying... you shouldn't be thankful that a man was being tortured.

"Well..." It was hard for you to say this next part, "Thank you."

Kylo didn't say anything to that. You didn't need to thank him.

"For saving me but for...being here right now too. Helping me." You added. You felt shy.

Kylo looked back at you, over his shoulder. "I don't care if you hate me. I'm never going to let anything hurt you." He said and despite yourself, you could tell that he meant it.

You broke your gaze from his, feeling uncomfortable with how serious he was looking at you. "Anything besides you, right?" You asked bitterly but you had a small smile on your face, indicating to him that you liked hearing that.

Kylo turned his head back forward, he couldn't help but smirk a little. As much as it killed him that he hurt you, he supposed it was true. He was the only one allowed to do that. If anyone else had spoken to you like he had, he would've killed them.

"Okay, I'm done. Hand me a towel." You told him, reaching for it and wiggling your fingers. It was just out of reach.

Kylo was amused as he grabbed one and helped you stand up so that you could start drying yourself off. While he did it, he looked at your face the entire time. He really wanted to look at your body, at the way that the soapy water was running off of it but he didn't want you to be uncomfortable. He had the urge to just completely take care of you right now. Normally he'd stop himself from being this soft with you but right now it wasn't the time. He'd deal with the guilt of this later.

For the next few minutes, Kylo helped get you ready for bed. He helped you step into your pajamas. Then he had you sit back onto your bathroom stool while he brushed your wet hair, being extra gentle when he'd get to a tangle.

You stared at him in the mirror as he did it. He was touching you and staring at you like you were the the most precious thing in the world, like he was scared to break you.

He was becoming less confusing for you but moments like this still took you by surprise. The more he revealed about himself, the more you realized that he was just a broken man who lived a lifestyle to keep himself from admitting to himself how damaged he really was. Somehow, you had become tangled in that.

You knew it wasn't good for you. You shouldn't continue to let yourself get closer to him. He would only hurt you. But right now he was being so good to you and you really fucking needed it after what you'd been through.

Kylo locked eyes with you in the mirror, your hairbrush in his hand still. "Are you okay?" He asked you. You hadn't expected him to ask you that.

You inhaled, thinking that question over. What you had just gone through had been extremely traumatic. It was something that you knew you'd have to deal with once the shock of it wore off. You were hurt, your ankle was throbbing and your head hurt so bad that you thought you might vomit.

But Kylo was here. And he was looking after you and treating you the way that you had missed so much. And somehow, it made none of those other things matter.

"I'm okay." You replied to him. In this moment, you meant it.

Where do you and Kylo Ren stand with each other? You honestly weren't sure that either of you could answer that.

But really, that didn't matter to the two of you in this moment. Right now, you were alone with each other and you weren't actively fighting. That was a win compared to what things had been like recently.

Once Kylo approved of how he had gotten you ready after your bath, you walked out of the bathroom and collapsed onto your bed. Going to sleep was going to feel amazing, you thought with a happy sigh.

"Nice try." Kylo said, breaking you out of your bliss. He gently grabbed you by the arm and pulled you so that you were sitting up. "The doctor said you have to stay up for a while because of the concussion." He told you.

You frowned, "I have a concussion?" You asked. Neither of them had actually told you what was wrong with you.

He nodded, as if it were no big deal that everyone had forgotten to mention that to you.

"Come with me, you gotta stay awake." He told you, scooping you up from off of the bed. He had let you walk from the bathroom to your room on your own but that was where he was going to stop you. He didn't want you walking too much on that ankle and besides, he knew this is what you wanted but were too proud to ask for.

He set you down on the couch and turned on the TV. Then he went over to your kitchen and started going through cupboards.

"What are you doing? Knock it off." You told him but you had a hint of a smile on your face. You liked the way that he looked standing in your apartment. You noticed then how well he had been dressed. He didn't have a full suit on but he was in a dress shirt and pants. You noted that he was wearing a few rings on his fingers. You'd love to pretend that he was just accessorizing but you had a feeling that you knew why they were there, to make potential punches hurt more. He had already said that they were doing some interrogations, so it made sense.

He ignored your request to 'knock it off' and you saw that he was making you some tea, wanting to give you something that might calm you down but also wake you up enough to not go to bed. The fact that he had thought to do so was sweet, once again confusing the hell out of you.

You watched the way that he was making it so carefully. The way that his hands unwrapped the tea bag, poured the boiling water over it, and the way he blew on the hot liquid before he started to bring it over to you. God, he was really perfect, you thought bitterly.

"What?" Kylo asked, self conscious from the look on your face as you stared at him.

You bit your lip, heating up at the fact that you had been caught. "Nothing." You said, taking the mug from his hands while he took a seat next to you. "Thank you." You told him, blowing on it some more.

You thought back to what you had sitting in your nightstand drawer. Kylo's flash drive that he accidentally left behind. You hadn't looked at what was on it yet. You couldn't bring yourself to. And with the way that he was treating you now, you really just wanted to chuck it out of the window and pretend you hadn't noticed it.

But there was still a part of you that didn't trust him. What if he intentionally hurt you again? You felt comfort in the fact that you had something to use against him even if it were a weight on your shoulders.

You saw your phone sitting on the coffee table in front of you and you grabbed it. Hux had texted you a few times to let you know that he wasn't going to be done until early in the morning and that he'd see you the next day. Just like Kylo had guessed.

"You didn't have to stay at that bar with everyone else?" You asked him, taking a sip from the mug in your hands.

Kylo shrugged, "I should've. I was probably supposed to."

You frowned, "You could've stayed and had someone else come get me." You hated feeling like you were being a burden or making people go out of their way to help you.

"I wanted to be here with you. To make sure you were okay." He said simply. He was serious.

You realized then, that at least in this moment, Kylo was more concerned with your wellbeing than Hux was. Instead of this fact hurting you, it pleased you.

You two settled into a comfortable silence, watching TV while you drank the tea that he had made you. You could tell that he kept staring at you every now and then, eyes going from the cuts on your skin to your wrapped ankle, as if he were making sure you were still doing alright.

You wished he didn't flip flop like this. It would be easier to make up your mind about him if he was just always an asshole or just always gentle like this. But then it dawned on you, the reason why you were so into him in the first place was because you enjoyed the uncertainty. Before he showed up, you were just existing and going through the motions and now you had something to constantly think about and be passionate about. You loved this game that you and Kylo played with each other, you weren't sure what you'd do if it was normal.

You hadn't noticed that you were staring at him the entire time this ran through your mind.

He caught you looking again and raised an eyebrow, a faint smirk playing at his full lips. "I wish I could see inside your mind." He'd love to be able to see what his girl was thinking about, you always kept it so hidden from him.

You chuckled, shaking your head. "I'm glad you can't." There were many reasons why that was the case.

His eyes darkened at that. The idea intrigued him. "Why's that? Are you thinking dirty thoughts, princess?" He asked you, subconsciously moving in closer to you on the couch.

You inhaled sharply, not even realizing that you were closing the gap between you as well. The two of you were like magnets. No matter how hard you tried to pull away from each other, literally and figuratively, you were just drawn right back together.

"No." You said, playfully smiling, not even trying to hide it.

"You're lying." Kylo hummed, placing a hand on your thigh.

You bit your lip to stop your smile from growing. "The way you're taking care of me is turning me on." You admitted to him. It felt good to be able to talk like this with him, everything about the way the two of you were interacting with each other right now reminded you of when you'd been in the hotel with him, when you were coming to terms with how hard you were falling for him.

Kylo's grip on you tightened, making a noise of approval. "You like having daddy as your doctor?" He asked in a low voice.

You nodded eagerly at his question. You probably should've told him to stop calling himself your daddy after what he did to you but you couldn't help but melt into his touch. Fuck it, maybe you'd tell him off tomorrow, tonight you needed some distraction from what that man had done to you earlier and Kylo was the perfect for that.

He easily took your mug of tea from you and set it on the coffee table. Your heart sped up at the action, knowing what it meant, he wanted your attention.

"Why don't you lay down and I'll see what I can do to fix you, hm?" Kylo asked you as he helped you move so that you could lay your back against the arm of couch, your feet in his lap. He very carefully helped you move your injured ankle so that it was resting on the back of the couch, elevated and out of the way. Then, he moved so that he was laying on his stomach, his hands hooked around your thighs and his face in between your legs. He moved your ankle back down so that it was against his back, your leg comfortably over his shoulder.

This was wrong, you noted in the back of your mind. It had been one thing to cheat on your boyfriend when it had been a few moments of passion but now that you had already been caught once, you knew you should be putting an end to this before it began. But you wanted to be selfish right now, you needed it. And how could you say no to this?

Kylo moved his hands up your body until he reached your breasts. You had just been wearing a thin pajama shirt and no bra because that's what Kylo had brought you. It was simple for him to run his fingers over your hardening nipples through the material. You sighed pleasantly against his touch. When he pinched one gently, you moaned out loud.

"So sensitive." He teased you, "I think I might need a closer look." Kylo smirked, still playing the part of your doctor. He shifted up so that your legs were still hooked around his shoulders but his face was level with your chest.

You took a deep breath as Kylo moved your shirt up and over your breasts, covering them up now with his hands instead of the material of your top. You looked down at the way that his hands looked against you, the way that the expensive rings on his fingers felt cold against your skin. He repositioned his hands so that they were cupping the sides of your breasts, his thumbs rubbing lazy circles on your nipples.

"You like to watch me, princess?" He asked you breathlessly as he studied the way that your gaze was stuck on the movement of his fingers.

You nodded absentmindedly, practically hypnotized by what you were watching.

He grinned at that, staring at your face while you stared at his hands. Kylo felt so much more like himself now that the could tell you were putting your guard down for him. Even if it was just for sex, you weren't trying to push him away or tell him how weak that he was, he was thrilled. He'd do anything to keep you like this.

He ran his hands up your chest and placed both of his thumbs on your bottom lip, his hands on your cheeks. "Open." He told you. He watched as your mouth parted and you already knew what to do. You let your tongue emerge from your lips and you alternated between each thumb, licking them then sucking them, locking eyes with him.

Kylo cussed under his breath, watching the way you did it. You were so fucking perfect.

"Good girl." He praised you and when he felt like you had wet his thumbs enough, he moved them back to your nipples. They easily moved along your sensitive skin now that they were wet.

You whimpered at the contact, arching your back up to press your breasts into his hands. He met your arching with a squeeze, continuing his motion against your swollen nipples. You were squirming underneath him, with your legs on his shoulders there was nothing for you to grind against to get any friction, the angle wasn't right.

"Wow, you must be in a lot of pain, you're having such a tough time sitting still and you can't stop whining for me." Kylo mocked you, still pretending as if he were your doctor. He kept rubbing and rolling your nipples as he did this. The teasing of his fingers mixed with the gentleness of his voice drove you crazy.

"Kylo." You sighed, pouting. You were too tired to beg, you didn't have the energy.

"You poor thing." He cooed with a fake frown on his face. His goal was to keep you awake, not put you to sleep, he didn't want to wear you out too much. He'd take mercy on you.

Kylo moved back down your body so that his face was settled in between your legs, his hands back on your thighs to hold them in place on his shoulders. He carefully took off your pajama shorts, making sure your ankle was unharmed during the movement. Then, he placed his fingers against your heat, through the material of your underwear.

"I want you to tell me where it hurts, princess." He couldn't stop the smirk from forming on his face as he said it. He then ran his fingers all over your thighs, all over your folds, every where but the very spot he knew you wanted.

You groaned, attempting to move your hips so that you could meet his touch right where you needed it.

When he decided you had enough, he ran two of his long fingers against your clit, still from the outside of your panties. You took a sharp intake of breath, tensing at the contact.

"Oh," Kylo commented, as if he were surprised, "I think I found it...Right here, sweetheart? Is this where it hurts?" He asked you, continuing to move his fingers against you.

You nodded, giving into this game of doctor that he was playing. "Right there, daddy." You agreed with him, staring down at him with pleading eyes.

Kylo's eyes were dark with lust as he slipped your underwear to the side, exposing you to him. He held the underwear in place with one hand while his other worked on distributing your wetness from your entrance to your folds, then started moving his fingers against your clit again in the same rhythm and motion as before.

You moaned out, moving your hips up slightly to meet his touches, wanting more of him. His attention was so focused on you, it turned you on but it also made your heart speed up. He wasn't doing this just to fuck you, he wasn't trying to cum himself, he just wanted to make you feel good after everything you'd just been through. Your mind wandered back to how he cared more about your safety than Hux had...Hux also never cared about making you finish when you had sex. There were small things that you were starting to notice now about the difference between the two men...

Your thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of his tongue against your bundle of nerves, replacing his fingers, his eyes staring directly into yours. He made a noise of praise at the way that you tasted, feeling like the two of you were back to normal in this moment. It was just the two of you. The noise he made sent vibrations against where his mouth was placed, sending a shock of pleasure through your body.

He pulled away, just barely enough so that he could talk to you. His lips brushed against your sensitive skin as he moved his lips in speech, "I think I know what'll cure you," Kylo said softly. When he knew he had your attention, your focus on him, he continued. "I'm going to eat this perfect fucking pussy and you're going to cum for me. Understand?"

You moaned at his words, nodding, you'd agree to anything right now.

"Doctor's orders." Kylo winked, smug, before placing his tongue back onto you again.

He moved his tongue in circles, then pressed down, teasing you. He really knew just how to touch you and knew just what to say to you to drive you to your edge. It was something that intimidated you. Was he able to read everything else like this or was he just so connected to you that he didn't need to think about it? Were you special? You tried to push that intrusive thought away and focus instead on how he looked settled between your thighs right now. You didn't want to know, just in case the answer was no.

Kylo was able to read others around him better than most, that was true, it was why he was so skilled in manipulating everyone. But, you were special to him. He didn't have to learn exactly how you liked being touched or talked to, it just came naturally to him, as if you were an extension of himself.

He applied pressure to your clit, moving his tongue in small quick motions. You moaned and your thighs moved in closer around his neck, squeezing him just a little as if to keep him in place. He sighed at the contact, liking the way that you were growing needy for him. That was his favorite, you were always trying to push him away and in moments like this when you were a mess for him, he felt like he was seeing a raw version of you that you usually hid away.

"Oh, fuck." You gasped, tilting your head back from the feeling of it.

Kylo smirked against you, bringing one of his hands up so that he could very slowly slip his middle and ring finger inside of you. This made you gasp again, your exhale breaking off into a moan. He began moving his fingers in a slow and steady pace while his tongue went in quick motions. The contrast of it was causing your toes to curl in pleasure.

You moved your head back so that you could easily watch him and the sight of it took your breath away. It made you feel vulnerable to see him so close and concentrated on such an intimate part of your body. But it just felt so fucking right.

"I'm gonna take care of you, princess. I'm always gonna be here to take care of you." He murmured, barely moving his mouth away from your wetness. "You're my good girl." Although he had been teasing you earlier and pretending to be your doctor, he meant these words. He hated thinking about you on your own and defenseless. Kylo was so protective over you.

His words made your stomach drop, overwhelmed by them. You nodded at him, your bottom lip trembling. You weren't sure why you were getting emotional. You had been through so much lately and especially so much this same night. Seeing Kylo demonstrate how much he cared for you and feeling so safe with him was too much for you. You couldn't stop thinking about when this would end. When would he turn into the monster again? The thought made tears spring into your eyes and you quickly blinked to try and get them to go away.

Kylo noticed this and froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. But then something told him why you were crying and he continued his motions inside of you, knowing that's what you wanted, what you needed. "You can cry, baby, you can let it out for me. I'm here." He breathed before moving his tongue back against your clit, moving it in quick but gentle motions.

At those words, you let the tears fall, you couldn't help it. You were burning for him and it wasn't just your impending orgasm. You were falling so hard for this man and it scared the hell out of you.

Kylo kept his stare on you, watching the way you were crumbling beneath him. It made his heart swell, his princess opening up for him, letting him in, even after the way he'd hurt you. He was so thankful.

He began curling his fingers inside of you, stroking your inner walls in a way that made you start panting, feeling all of your muscles start to tighten. "Oh god." You whined, moving your hips in a way that helped with his rhythm. "I'm gonna cum." You told him, tears trailing down your cheeks as you did so.

Kylo nodded quickly against you. He didn't want to risk pulling away to tell you that he wanted you to cum but the noise of approval he made was enough to tell you that.

You continued to rock your hips against his fingers, that familiar feeling creeping up through your body. "Oh god, Kylo, fuck, oh my god." You were muttering nonsense as you reached your climax. It washed over your body intensely, causing you to practically yell out his name, your hands grasping at the material of the couch underneath you to steady yourself.

As you came down from your high, your legs were shaking on top of his shoulders, the muscles in your entire body convulsing at the dramatics that they had just been put through. You were barely coherent as Kylo cautiously moved out from under you, sitting up on the couch so that you could stretch out your legs onto his lap.

Your breath was quick and heavy from your orgasm and as it wore down, your panting soon turned into sobs. The tears hadn't stopped that entire time and now that you weren't about to cum, you were just crying. You stared up at the ceiling and let yourself be emotional. You hadn't given yourself this opportunity since the night in the shower with Kylo. And really, you had been more shocked than sad in that moment so it hardly counted.

You felt the weight of the world on your chest. You were responsible for so much destruction and this was only the beginning.

Kylo watched you for a few moments before he leaned forward so that he could pull your shirt down for you and adjust your underwear so you weren't just laying there naked while he was fully clothed. Then he grabbed your hands to pull you up and helped you comfortably sit in his lap. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you tightly against him.

He rubbed your back gently, putting his chin on your shoulder so that he could whisper to you and still be audible. "You're okay, princess, you're safe. It's just you and me." He comforted you in a soft voice.

This only made you cry harder in frustration. Kylo thought you were upset because of what that man did to you tonight. And a part of this outburst had been because of that. But there was so much more going on than Kylo realized, so many things that you wanted to tell him but you couldn't.

As much as Kylo had appreciated you being vulnerable with him before, he could honestly say that he hated this. Seeing you cry made him feel powerless. You were the one who was supposed to be in control of their emotions between the two of you. What did it mean when he was the levelheaded one? It made him nervous. Once again, he wished that he could see inside of your mind.

"Kylo." You said in a shaky voice, wanting his attention which was ironic because you were literally the only thing he could focus on right now.

"Hm?" He asked you lowly, continuing his motion of rubbing your back.

"Will you stay here with me tonight?" You were nervous as you asked it. What if he didn't want to? You should've known but your brain was scrambled right now, you didn't think what to think.

"Of course." Kylo said instantly, not missing a beat.

"Can we...Can we pretend like we're back at that hotel?" You asked him, your voice was desperate now, the words interrupted by sobs. "Can we pretend that we're there tonight?"

Everything had been so much more simple that first night you'd gone out of town with him. You hadn't said goodbye to your mom yet, you hadn't lied to the cops, you hadn't killed anyone, you hadn't been hurt by Kylo, and you hadn't agreed to help take him down.

That first night at the hotel, you had kissed Kylo for the first time and you felt like you were on top of the world.

Kylo nodded. He didn't need to ask what you meant. He felt the same exact way.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours.

And then you felt it again, despite everything,

On top of the world.


	17. Who Cares?

It had been three nights since you'd been assaulted in that alleyway.

And Kylo had snuck over to sleep in bed with you, all three of those nights since it happened. 

Waking up to him tangled up in your blankets with you was still so surprising. He looked so peaceful when his eyes were closed and he was gripping one of your extra pillows to his chest, his dark hair splayed against his pillowcase. You wondered what he dreamed about.

You also wondered if he could sense his flash drive in the table next to him, his own belonging that you were hiding for your own gain.

You woke up this particular morning with an uneasiness in your stomach. It was time for you to go back to class and that meant facing the reality of what you'd done. Since you found out about Connor, the man who Hux had killed because of your stupidity, you had been making excuses as to why you couldn't show up. Your professors were starting to get suspicious and you knew you couldn't hide forever.

You glanced at the time, it was a lot earlier than you were used to waking up but your nerves were keeping you from falling back asleep. You carefully got out of bed, making sure you didn't wake Kylo as you did so.

He told you that he was spending the night with you so much because he wanted to make sure you were doing okay with your concussion. But if that were the only reason why he was staying over, that didn't explain why he'd hold you so close to him when you'd wake up with a nightmare. Or kiss your forehead when he knew you'd fallen asleep before him. Or bring you coffee in bed. Or fuck you the gentle way he had been...

It had startled you the first time he stayed over. It was around one in the morning when you heard the knock at your door. You were barely awake when you opened it and when you saw Kylo standing there, you were convinced that you were in a dream. He told you that he wanted to stay with you to make are you slept through the night okay. The two nights following, you left him an extra key so that he could come in late again, when he was done with work, without waking you.

You supposed the reason why you were letting him do these things was because he hadn't just told you those words in the shower were lies, he was showing you that they were. Clearly, at this point, he cared about you, whether he liked it or not.

You shuffled into your kitchen, starting up your coffee machine with a sigh. You flexed your ankle, testing it out. It had healed up pretty quickly. It still hurt if you positioned it in a weird way or if you did a lot of walking on it. But for the most part, you felt back to normal.

You tried not to think about the man himself who had done it to you. You hated knowing how helpless you had been before Kylo found you. What if he hadn't heard you yell for help? You shivered at the thought.

Soon, you were sitting on your couch with a cup of coffee in your hand as you browsed through your social media on your phone. You pulled down your notifications bar and saw an unread text from Hux from the night before. It had just been him telling you 'goodnight'.

You felt so distant from him lately. You knew a majority of that came from your infidelity but you could also see a change in him too. It was as if he was becoming consumed by the mafia, turning into someone else, it was all he could think about and talk about. It didn't help that the more distant Hux got, the closer Kylo got to you.

Hux had stopped by the morning after you'd gotten hurt, like he promised he would (good thing Kylo wakes up so early because he was gone by the time your boyfriend showed up). He brought you gifts, sat with you for a few hours to make sure you were okay. It was nice. But it was different from Kylo. Hux did it because he knew it was what he was supposed to do. Kylo just wanted to, it hadn't even been a question in his mind.

When Hux was over he said something to you that you couldn't stop thinking about. He told you that he wanted you to do something for him. When you asked what it was, Hux said: "I want Kylo to trust you. I want him to think you're on his side, it's the only way that my plan will work."

He didn't tell you anything else about 'his plan' and you weren't sure if you even wanted to know. You wondered if Kylo trusted you already. The idea of earning his trust only to betray him made you sad. You weren't sure if you had it in you to hurt him like that.

"You're up early today." You heard Kylo say, interrupting your thoughts. You turned your head to see him making his way out of your bedroom. He had on just a pair of sweatpants. His hair was tousled and his voice was deep and slightly raspy from sleep. You loved seeing him like this but it made your heart sink after thinking about what you were plotting.

"Couldn't go back to sleep." You told him simply. You stood up, planning to walk to the coffee machine to make him some.

"Sit down, I got it." Kylo yawned, waving his hand dismissively to stop you from moving any more.

"My ankle's fine now." You told him with a sigh, sitting back down onto the couch. He had been really babying you ever since it happened. He did everything for you when he was over. It was sweet but you didn't like the growing desire to be dependent on him.

Kylo didn't respond to that. It wasn't that he didn't want you to heal because he did, the thought of you still being hurt worried him. But he did like taking care of you and he knew once you were fully recovered, he wouldn't have an excuse to hang around your apartment all the time.

"Busy day today?" You asked him, trying to distract yourself from thinking of your own plans for the day.

He thought about it. "No, actually. I don't have anything planned." He looked over at you, "What about you? Back to school?"

"Unfortunately." You said and instinctively start biting your nails in thought.

"Stop that." Kylo called out to you in a gentle but amused tone, noticing the way you were displaying your nervous habit. He joined you on the couch, mug in hand. "I thought you loved going."

You glanced at him. Had you told him that before? The answer was no. Kylo just heard you talk about it and saw the way your eyes would light up when doing so and made the assumption himself.

"I do...usually." You said. You realized then that you'd never told Kylo about how Hux had found the bruises.

He raised his eyebrows at you, urging you to go on.

"Um..." You didn't really know where to start. It wasn't easy to say in general but especially since Kylo was involved. "Hux saw my legs. The marks on them."

Kylo chuckled into his cup of coffee and it was a good thing that the mug was covering up most of his face because you would've been frustrated to see the smug grin that was on his lips. He had a feeling that had happened, considering he told Ushar; 'do whatever you need to do to make sure Hux knows what I did to her'.

"It's not funny." You told him and the serious tone of your voice made him quiet down. "He saw the marks and he wanted the name of whoever did it ...I panicked." You sighed loudly, "I don't know what I was thinking, I just wanted to make it as believable as possible."

Kylo frowned, moving the coffee away from his mouth. He could see where this was going.

"Remember how Hux thought I was going on a trip for one of my classes? Well, I told him the name of someone in that class with me..."You couldn't even look at him, "Like I said, I'm so fucking stupid. I don't know why I did it...Hux killed him, obviously. He was totally innocent and it's all my fault."

Kylo felt guilt bubbling up to his chest. He didn't give a shit about this guy who died but he did feel bad for you, that you were beating yourself up about something that he did. When he had Ushar tell Hux about the hickeys, he thought it would just start a fight between the two of you. Kylo had been drunk and high that night, he just wanted to destroy something because he felt like shit.

He knew that Hux would never break up with you over cheating. He was too whipped and would do anything to keep up his appearance to the other men. But Kylo had underestimated how far Hux would go to get revenge on the man you'd cheated on him with. He wondered what the redheaded man would've done if he would've known it was really Kylo who'd done it.

"I don't think I can face everyone. They've been having memorial services for him and things like that..." You trailed off. How could you pretend you weren't responsible?

"Don't go, then." Kylo said to you, shrugging.

"I have to. I've missed three days now."

He thought for a moment. "What class is it?"

You narrowed your eyes, "Modern sculpture...why does it matter?"

It seemed as if he ignored your answer and pulled his phone out of his pant pocket to start typing away. You didn't think anything of it.

"My homework is piling up and I have to keep making excuses to my professors. I told them I had the flu, they're probably gonna ask for a doctor's note soon and where the fuck will I get one of those? I don't even know who to ask to get notes from class for me..." You rambled and glanced over at him, "And you aren't even listening." You groaned, watching the way that he held his phone up to his ear, making a call.

Kylo held up a finger to you to tell you to stop talking.

You almost started yelling at him but then he started talking to the person on the other line. "Hi, yes, is this Dr.Logan?" He asked, saying the name of the professor you had for class that day.

"Kylo!" You hissed in a quiet voice. What the hell was he doing?!

You sat there in shock as Kylo proceeded to charm your professor and let him know that you were too sick to come to class and you would have a doctor's note when you returned. You even heard your professor laugh on the other end at one of Kylo's lighthearted comments, which was something you'd never heard him do before. Kylo had so much power on everyone, it was ridiculous.

He hung up the phone and shrugged at you. "There you go, princess. No class today."

Now that Kylo had you all to himself, he decided to take you out, you deserved it. You had been locked away in your apartment ever since you'd gotten hurt. Mainly because Kylo forced you because he wanted you to rest and get better. But also, you'd been anxious about going back into the real world after what happened to you.

When Kylo said that it was time to go back into society, you refused at first. You didn't want anyone to see you two alone together. But then you remembered Hux's favor, you had to get Kylo to trust you, you would use that as an excuse if you were to get caught.

It took some convincing but now the two of you were currently shopping. Kylo knew the way to your heart.

While you were moving clothes around on the rack in front of you, you jumped when Kylo came up behind you, putting his hand on your waist.

Kylo laughed at how he startled you. "Jumpy today, hm?" He teased you.

You put a hand on your chest while you caught your breath. "Not just today." You reminded him. You were on edge now ever since that had happened to you in the alleyway.

Kylo moved behind you, wrapping both of his arms around your waist and pulling your back against his chest. "Don't worry, princess, I've got you." He murmured in your ear, knowing exactly how much that would soothe you.

You almost melted in his arms. He was right, it did make you feel better. And besides, you two were the only ones in the store, everyone else was busy at work.

Pleased with how you relaxed against him, Kylo started moving the clothes around on the rack in front of you just like you had been doing yourself before he scared you. He was leaning over you, still standing behind you as he looked over each piece of clothing that he passed, seeing if there was anything that he liked for you.

His hands paused on a skirt. He made a noise of thought, trying to imagine what it might look like on you. Kylo nodded to himself, enjoying the image of it, before grabbing the one that was in your size and keeping it held in his hand before moving on to what else was hanging up.

He had given you clothes as gifts a few times now and you wondered if this is what he looked like when he'd pick out what to buy. The only difference now was that you were there with him. You heart fluttered as you thought about him doing this all on his own with you in mind.

You couldn't help yourself, you moved your head so that you could get on your tip toes and press a kiss to his cheek, feeling overwhelmed with affection towards him.

He froze at the contact, looking straight ahead with wide eyes. You two were sexual with each other and you were argumentative with each other but you were hardly affectionate with each other with no ulterior motive in mind. The kiss on his cheek surprised him. It felt strange but deep down he liked it, even if he wouldn't admit it. He squeezed your waist in response and ducked his head away to hide the small smile that formed on his lips. You had just made a mob boss shy.

You stayed there against him as he pulled a few more things from the selections in front of you, nudging you along when he needed to move around the store. You were so spoiled.

"Do you want me to start a fitting room for you?" You heard a voice ask from the side of you, one of the store's workers.

Kylo handed her the clothes in his hand, "Thanks." He said to her with a nod.

The worker sent you a polite but envious smile as she gathered the hangers in her hand and walked off to the back, where the fitting rooms were.

You wondered how many people recognized Kylo when he was out in public. A lot of people in the city knew his name, he was connected to almost every major crime that was committed. Sometimes, they'd show his photo on the news too and he wasn't exactly easy to forget. You noticed the way that people would either stare at him in awe or avoid him entirely, scared of him.

It felt strange to know a man with that much power and that many people afraid of him was the same man who had cried in your arms and had practically just blushed from you giving him a simple kiss on his cheek. 

Soon, you were standing in front of the large mirror in the communal area back in the changing rooms. Kylo was sitting in one of the chairs, his leg crossed casually over the other and his hand on his chin as he looked you over, as if he were really studying you.

You had on the skirt that Kylo had picked out. Short and tight and leather. And a top that went perfectly with it, that you'd picked out yourself.

You spun around, looking at yourself in it. You looked good, you couldn't lie.

You locked eyes with Kylo in the mirror and grinned at the look on his face. If he were a cartoon, he'd have hearts for eyes and drool coming out of his mouth.

"You're getting those." He decided, nodding, talking about the skirt and the shirt.

"What if I don't want them?" You asked him with a playful look in your eyes. Of course you wanted them.

"Well I'm buying them for you so you don't really have a say in it." Kylo said with a shrug, his eyes not leaving your body the entire time he was speaking to you.

You didn't argue with that. You turned to look at yourself again and frowned. "I shouldn't let you." You said, realizing.

He raised his eyebrows, "Why not?"

You sighed, running your fingers along the expensive fabric of the top, smoothing it out. "If Hux sees a bunch of new clothes that weren't charged on his credit card, he might get suspicious." You told him. As much as you hated to bring Hux up, it was true. It was no big deal to accept Kylo's gifts here and there but the more that you did it, the more of a chance it would be for Hux to notice, especially if the clothes that Kylo picked out kept being so sexy. You were supposed to gain Kylo's trust (and you could justify to Hux that this shopping trip was part of that if he found out) but you were worried Hux would connect the dots and realize he bought you items in the past as well.

Kylo's eyes grew dark at the mention of Hux. He clenched his jaw, staring at you with a pointed expression. "Who cares?" He asked you childishly.

You sighed, "I do. He's my boyfriend."

At those words, he stood up from his chair, the legs of it scooting loudly against the floor, making his way over to you.

The two of you had been spending so much time alone lately that it was easy for him to forget that you weren't technically his girl. You were someone else's. The mention of the man you were currently dating caused anger to pound in his chest.

When you had kissed his cheek a moment ago it made him feel like he was floating. And now that you were bringing up Hux, he was crashing right back onto the ground. It hurt.

He walked behind you, watching your reflection in front of him.

Kylo brought a hand up to wrap around the back of your neck, his grip tight on you. "Go to the fitting room." He said to you in a low voice, his mouth by your ear.

You froze in confusion.

"Now." He growled, squeezing your neck as he did so.

You blinked, trying to comprehend what was happening. Then, when it clicked, you rushed to the room, not wanting to piss him off more. You noticed the way that he was close on your heels, following you in there.

When the two of you were in the room, he swiftly shut the door behind you and locked it.

"Kylo-" You were interrupted by his lips on yours, silencing you.

He wrapped his hand back around your throat, pushing you against the wall behind you. Your ass and shoulders smacked against it with a dull 'thud' which made your skin heat up. What if someone heard you? You doubted that he was even allowed in the room with you. Not that it would matter to him, it was probably the least offensive 'crime' he committed in years.

Kylo kept his grip tight on your throat, just slightly making it harder for you to breathe while he moved his lips away from yours. "You're mine."

You didn't agree out loud to that. You were too guarded. Being in public with him made your walls come right back up because it reminded you of what your situation with him really was.

"Say. It." Kylo hissed, his hand squeezing your throat with each word. You gasped for breath. He usually grabbed your neck in the right spots so that you felt pressure but could still breathe. But now it was clear that he was trying to get you to gasp on purpose, as if he wanted someone to hear you. 

You frowned and shook your head, you couldn't bring yourself to say it. It wasn't because you didn't think it was true. You knew that you were his. But you were stubborn right now, you didn't want him to force you to do it, you liked admitting in on your own terms.

Kylo grunted in frustration and brought his lips down against yours hard. He was kissing you harshly, teeth biting your bottom lip. His hand squeezing your neck again made you open your mouth to catch your breath which gave him an opportunity for him to force his tongue inside of your mouth, wrestling his tongue with yours.

He pulled away abruptly and stared into your eyes, both of your chests heaving. "I don't care who you call your boyfriend," He said the word in disgust, "I'm more than a boyfriend. You don't belong to him. You belong to me." He said in a rushed voice, "You're mine, don't you get that?" He asked you, he was practically pleading with you now to understand. Titles meant nothing to him. He could be officially dating you and it wouldn't make a difference. You were his and he was yours. There was nothing either of you could do to stop it.

You were still silent. This time, not because you were being stubborn but because you were surprised with his reaction and how desperate he was for you to validate him.

Kylo grabbed your face now, his fingers digging into your cheek while his thumb dug into the skin on your jaw. He moved his face in close to you. "Who owns you?" He snarled. 

Silence.

"Tell me!" He whispered angrily, just enough for you to hear him.

You whimpered, his grip was becoming painful. "You do." You muttered as much as you could with his hand on your jaw like that.

Kylo grunted, approving. "Who am I? I wanna hear it."

You moaned in pain, "Kylo." And when he didn't relent his grip, you kept going, "You own me, Kylo."

"That's right," He hissed, "I own you. Daddy owns you." Kylo moved his grip so that he could slap you very lightly on the cheek causing you to bite back a moan.

The two of you were talking in hushed voices and there was no one around in this back area so it was very unlikely that someone could hear you. But just the thought of it caused a rush of embarrassment and even some arousal in your system.

"I bet you think about me when he fucks you." His grip was back on your neck now, holding your head gently against the wall as he did so. He knew you were still in a fragile state from your injuries and he was able to hold himself back from touching you as roughly as he wanted to. "I know he doesn't make you cum like I can. No one can fuck you as well as I do." Kylo leaned down to kiss your neck, his lips next to his hand on the skin there. "I know your body like the back of my hand. I know just where to touch you."

You exhaled shakily, nodding at his words. You couldn't talk because of the way he was grabbing you but you wanted to agree with him. You couldn't even touch yourself as well as he touched you.

"And I know just what to say to you, don't I?" He said softly, his kisses moving from your lower neck to underneath your ear. "You love being my sweet princess just as much as you love being my dirty whore."

Your hands met the wall behind you, trying to steady yourself. All you could do was whimper weakly, his hand on your neck was making it almost impossible for you to say anything. You weren't sure you'd have the right words right now anyways. When Kylo got like this, it scared you as much as it turned you on.

"Who do you want to be right now?" He asked, "My princess or my whore?" His words were right against your ear now and he ran his tongue along the outside curve of your ear which cause you to shiver violently.

You didn't answer him quickly enough so he squeezed your throat tighter, taking your breath away from you. He held it there for a few moments and when he released how tight he was holding you, you let out a small moan at the feeling.

"Mm." Kylo smirked, that gave him his answer. "Whore it is, then." He moved away from you. "On your knees." He said to you in a low voice.

"Kylo, what if someone-" He interrupted you, grabbing a handful of your hair, not enough to pull it and cause pain but enough to keep you in place.

"I said," He practically had his forehead against yours he was so close, "On your knees, whore." 

As his hand released your hair, you wasted no time getting into the position he wanted you in. But as you set your knees against the ground, you winced in pain. You'd both forgotten about the healing wounds on your knees, you'd been caught up in the moment.

Kylo noticed this and it dawned on him. He quickly grabbed your hands and helped you up, softening for you. "Are you alright?" He asked you, his eyes frantically looking you over. He'd been too careless.

"I'm okay." You assured him. You noticed how quickly he shifted from being forceful to worried and it pleased you, how much you'd been able to effect him when you showed him you were hurt. You smirked up at him, "Guess I can't be your whore, hm?" You teased since you hadn't been able to listen to his directions.

The darkness fell onto Kylo's face again. He abruptly grabbed your waist and pushed you so that you were bent over on the changing room bench, your hands against it

"Don't be stupid, you'll always be my whore." He said, smacking your ass. The sound of it was loud in the otherwise quiet changing room area. You tensed and glanced back at him with a frown. You didn't want to get caught.

"Did I say you could look at me?" Kylo pointed to the blank wall in front of you, "Straight ahead. Dirty sluts like you don't get to watch."

You couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if someone else decided to try things on in a room next to yours, your heart was thumping. You couldn't say no to this though. He moved your skirt up, the one that was still planning on buying you, so that it was bunched up around your waist. Then, he grabbed your panties and pulled them down so that they were pooled around your ankles.

You heard the sound of Kylo unbuckling his belt and then you felt the material of his pants brushing against your legs as they fell to the floor along with his underwear.

Kylo ran his fingers along your slit as he started stroking his own cock, making sure the both of you were ready. You were wet just from his teasing but to make sure, he spit on his hand and rubbed it against your entrance.

You exhaled at the contact of his hand and before you could let yourself enjoy that, he violently thrusted inside of you. The feeling of it caused you to make a sound of surprise.

Kylo leaned over you, still inside of you, and placed his hand over your mouth. "Stay quiet or I'll give you something to scream about." He said in a hushed tone, moving his hips at a rough and fast pace. He wouldn't be able to take his time with you, this situation was risky enough.

You believed that. You didn't want to get caught but you doubted Kylo cared very much. Why would he? He had nothing to lose, it would just be an awkward situation for him. For you, if you were caught by the wrong person, it could ruin everything.

He stayed slightly bent over your body so that he could keep his hand on your mouth as he rocked his hips against you at a feverish pace. His position also made it easy for him to whisper things in your ear. "Look at you," Kylo said in between thrusts, "taking all of daddy's big cock in public... My dirty little slut."

You let out a sigh against his hand, knowing better than to make any real noise even though you wanted to moan out. This was wrong, you shouldn't be doing this here, but that just added to the moment.

"I own you." Kylo growled, his fingers digging into the skin on your face. "This pussy is mine, I own it."

You couldn't help but nod, agreeing with him. He was the only one who made you feel this good, he did own you.

Kylo saw your nod and he smirked at it, glad that you were admitting it to him. He felt his power over you in this moment and it made his head swim. He moved his free hand down to squeeze your ass, continuing his rushed thrusts inside of you. "I know so much about you, princess...all your little secrets." He was getting a rush from the superiority he felt in this moment and he wanted more of it. "I hold your life in my hands, don't forget that. You're alive because I allow you to be." He hissed in your ear.

Your eyes that were on the wall in front of you widened at that statement. He did know things that would get you killed if he told the right people. His entire life was the mafia but he chose to directly go against it by keeping what he knew about your mom to himself. It either meant that you meant more to him than the mob did or that he was going to use it against you in the future. You weren't sure which you believed...You knew which one was more realistic and it scared you.

You shivered, suddenly not recognizing the man that was inside of you. He didn't feel like the same man who had held you while you slept through a bad dream the night before.

You had heard things about Kylo before you met him. Hux said that he was a monster, someone who was genuinely evil and you could see that when you first met him. You had lost sight of that somewhere along the way, with how gentle he was with you. But there were moments, like this one, where you caught glimpses of the evil. You hated it.

You hardly noticed the dirty things that Kylo was growling in a quiet voice, your mind was somewhere completely different. You felt pathetic, letting someone like Kylo fuck you like this, letting him have this control over you. You had gone against your morals so many times for him, he was changing you, turning you into himself. He was breaking you. Was that his plan all along? You were overwhelmed by the realization.

"Stop." You said against his hand but it was unintelligible, it came out as just a muffled sound.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you, slut." Kylo teased, tightening his grip on your mouth. He couldn't see your face and you hadn't been able to talk. There was no way for him to know how you felt, he assumed you were just as into as he was, you usually always were.

You made a noise of frustration then shifted so that you could pull your face away from his hand. "Stop," You said, "I want you to stop, I don't want to do this." You snapped, pushing his hand away from you.

Kylo stopped his motions inside of you, out of confusion. "What?" He asked. He thought at first that you were playing a game with him, wanting him to take control and fuck you anyways. But then he saw your face and he realized you were serious.

He pulled out from you, wincing at the loss of contact. "What happened? Was I too rough?" He asked, chest rising and falling quickly from exertion. You two had sex like that before, he knew you liked when he talked to you like that. He wasn't sure what was different right now. He had no clue what you'd been thinking about.

You didn't know what to say. You didn't want to say the things you had been thinking out loud in fear that it would satisfy him to know how much he intimidated you. "No." You said, leaning down to pull your underwear back on. "I just don't feel good and my ankle hurts. I think it was too much, I wasn't ready to be out of the house for this long." You lied.

Kylo shook his head, "You're lying to me."

"I'm not." You snapped, louder than you meant to be.

"What did I do?" Kylo asked you, his eyes were dancing in fear, he didn't understand.

"Nothing! I just...I just don't want it right now, okay?" You didn't know how to explain yourself. You didn't want to tell him you needed him to stop because you were afraid of him. You were falling so hard for him that you were getting lost in who he was. You were scared to lose yourself. You'd done so much since he moved back that you would've never done before.

He said your name softly, reaching out to you.

You moved away on instinct, not letting him touch you.

You two stared at each other in tense silence for a few moments before you started taking off the clothes that didn't belong to you so that you could put on the ones you arrived in. You wanted to go home.

Kylo was dumbfounded. He felt exposed and stupid, you were rejecting him. It made him angry. He hastily pulled his pants back on, jaw clenching as he did so. "Bring those to the register." He said simply, pointing to the clothes he had just fucked you in.

He glanced in the mirror, saw that he was put back together, and exited the room. The door slammed shut and it made you jump.

When you joined him at the register, he only acknowledged you so that he could take the clothes from your hands.

The entire time you walked to his car and drove to your apartment building, it was silent. You thought he was going to hit someone with the way that he was speeding so quickly, he was trying to get back home as soon as he could.

"Kylo-" You tried to talk to him as you two got into the elevator that would bring you up to the top floor that you shared with him.

But he cut you off by looking at you and shaking his head. You couldn't read his expression.

When the elevator doors opened, he rushed past them, leaving you behind.

That night, you laid awake, waiting for Kylo to show up so that he could fall asleep in your bed with you. Just like he had done the past three nights.

He never came.


	18. Give In

You always told yourself that you preferred to sleep alone. You had more room, no one to bother you, and you could wake up whenever you wanted the next day.

But not having Kylo in bed next to you when you woke up really fucking sucked. 

It put you in the bad mood that entire morning.

Even when Hux made a surprise visit to bring you breakfast from your favorite restaurant, it only brought you temporary happiness. Once the food was gone, you were grumpier than ever. And really, the last thing you wanted to do was spend time with Hux. He was just a reminder of all of your current problems.

The two of you were sitting at your kitchen table, empty plates in front of you while you both did some work. He was typing away on his phone and making calls while you were on your laptop, finishing up some homework. He hardly ever did mafia work in front of you, you noticed.

Hux was speaking in a hushed voice on the phone, his face contorted in irritation has he did so. Hanging up his current call, his slammed a fist against your table in frustration. Clearly, it did not go well.

The impact of his hand against the table made you gasp in surprise, you were still jumpy after what happened to you.You caught your breath with a frown, him startling you just irritated you more.

"Really?" You asked him with a sigh, rolling your eyes at his outburst.

Hux's look mirrored yours. "Yes, really. You have no idea what I have to deal with on a daily basis." He snapped. In Hux's mind, you lived the easiest life possible. You went to school then went home and that was it. You didn't have to worry about finances or serious things like he did with the mafia. He had no idea what really went on in your time away from him.

You had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing at that. After spending time with Kylo, you did have an idea what he probably had to go through everyday. Clearly, Hux was gaining more responsibilities in the mob recently and he was letting them distract him. He didn't come see you as often as before and he was constantly on edge. He couldn't handle it the way that Kylo did. He had to work for it, it wasn't natural.

"Why don't you tell me then?" You said to him in a slightly sarcastic tone.

He was staring daggers at you. You were pushing his buttons and you both knew it. "You know I can't tell you anything. And besides, you wouldn't understand." He said to you dismissively, his fingers going right back to typing something out on his phone.

You paused with your own typing at those words, staring at him from over your laptop's screen. "I wouldn't understand?" You asked him, giving him the chance to clarify his statement. He had no idea the things you'd seen and done when you weren't with him. You would understand.

Hux didn't realize the implications of it. "Well, it's just complicated." He told you, his eyes not leaving his screen.

You shut your computer screen, eyebrows raised in contempt. "You think I'm stupid." You said it as a statement, not a question. Kylo told you how smart you were, you remembered.

Hux now saw what you were upset about. He set his phone down cautiously. He gave you a sheepish smile. "I know you aren't stupid, honey, you're really good at what you do." He motioned to your computer. "But you know, art is different than this," He motioned to his phone.

The way he said 'art' said everything you needed to know. He looked down at you, you would never be his equal. You let out a humorless chuckle, standing up from your chair. You weren't in the mood. "I think you should leave." You said to him, starting to gather up the plates and napkins you'd both left behind on the table.

"Don't do that." Hux sighed, standing up as well. You could see how annoyed he was that he had bothered you. "I didn't mean it like that."

"You did mean it like that." You argued with him, sending him an angry look. "I feel better, by the way. My ankles almost healed and my head is getting back to normal. Thanks for asking."

That had sort of stunned him, realizing that he hadn't even remembered to ask you how you felt after what you'd been through. His mind was in a million different places. You had gone from high on his priority list to the bottom.

"I have things to do." You told him, stacking up the plates, basically telling him again to leave. You paused and looked at him, "I'm sure you do too." You were patronizing him.

Hux clenched his jaw, his feeling of being in control was very fragile. He didn't like you talking to him like this, it reminded him how little power he actually had. "You painting some pictures really doesn't compare to what I accomplish in a day."

It was your turn to be stunned now. You watched him pack his things up and wordlessly leave, before you could come up with a response. You stood there with your mouth parted in shock.

"What a bitch." You said to yourself.

That afternoon, you did 'paint some pictures'. And no matter how they started, they all ended up with a redheaded man getting tortured in some way. Hm, just a coincidence, of course.

After drinking a few glasses of wine for dinner, you decided to get to sleep early. You had stayed up so late hoping that Kylo would show up the night before, that you desperately needed some rest. You had just put on your pajamas and set the alarm on your phone for the next morning, when you heard the knock at your door.

You groaned, debating whether you should even get up to answer it. You were so comfortable. Everything was irritating you today.

You had spent a lot of time during the day thinking about Kylo and where you stood with him. You felt guilty for how you treated him yesterday when you went shopping. You usually tried to communicate your feelings with him but you had let your pride get in the way. You didn't want him to think he had any power over you so you let him think you just didn't want to fuck him. It was immature and you felt stupid. You wanted to walk over there all day and tell him that but you had been too nervous which only made you feel even worse.

The knocks happened again, this time louder and more urgent sounding. Fine.

"One second!" You yelled, pulling on a pair of pajama shorts so you didn't have to answer the door in your underwear.

Looking through the peephole, you were surprised to see Vicrul.

"I didn't order a hooker." You grinned, leaning against the side of your doorframe with your arms crossed easily over your chest.

"I need your help." He said quickly, ignoring your joke, normally he would've laughed at it."It's Kylo."

"What's going on?" You asked, instantly feeling your heart speed up at those words.

Vicrul shook his head, "We were having a few drinks and something small set him off, I don't know. He's on a fucking rampage and he won't listen to us." He looked at you with a sigh. "He might listen to you."

That's all he needed to say to get you to rush over to Kylo's apartment with him.

When Vicrul opened the door for the two of you, you paused in the door way, hearing Kylo yelling. He was in his bedroom so you couldn't hear exactly what he was saying from how far away you were.

As you made your way into the apartment, you saw a few broken items on the floor of his living room and you had to move carefully to make sure you didn't step on anything. You got to the doorway of his room and peered inside.

He was shouting at Ushar, pointing his finger at him, while the other Knights tried holding him back from actually fighting with him. Now that you were close, you still couldn't really make out what he was saying, something about respect. You didn't understand the context and it was mostly just cuss words in the other man's direction.

You said his name but he wasn't able to hear you, he hadn't noticed you.

"Kylo!" You had to yell over his loud words in order to get his attention. All eyes in the room went straight to you.

He faltered in his rage, looking over at you with a surprised look in his eyes. After he processed what he was seeing, he reflexively relaxed in his men's arms, the urge to fight someone or break something was gone the instant that he saw you.

You cautiously made your way over to him, "What are you doing?" You asked in a gentle voice, concern in your eyes. You didn't like seeing him like this, so out of control.

Kylo's chest was heaving as he stared down at you. What was he doing? He couldn't even remember anymore because you were here in front of him.

His knights who had been holding him back realized that he wasn't a threat anymore and they released him.

He stumbled forward at the loss of tension and although he was much bigger than you were, you instinctively reached out to catch him. He caught himself before he put all of his weight onto you but his hands were on your shoulders to steady himself. Your eyes locked with each other and you could tell by the way that he was looking at you that he was done putting up a fight.

The knights noticed this too and they started making their way towards the door, wanting to give you guys alone time, suddenly feeling awkward just standing around the two of you.

Vicrul came up behind you and clasped a hand on your shoulder briefly. "Thanks." He said to you with a slight smile. He knew you'd be able to calm him down, he just didn't think that it would happen so quickly.

The Knights didn't say anything out loud but the discreet looks that they were giving each other said it all. They were all shocked by your ability to change Kylo's mood as easily as you had. The ironic part was, it had only further proven Ushar's point that he made earlier, the thing that had started the argument in the first place.

They had been sitting in Kylo's apartment, having some drinks and relaxing after a deal that they had just done:

"I take it he found out about those bruises." Ushar smirked. They had been talking about how Hux had been spending a lot more time with Snoke lately and one of the Knights had just commented on how it seemed like the stick that was always up his ass must've lodged it's way up there even farther with the way he'd been acting. Hux had been so worked up over the past couple of weeks and everyone could see it.

Kylo nodded in response, though the look on his face was surprisingly not smug. He remembered how shitty you'd been feeling ever since Hux killed the man he thought had given the marks to you and it stopped the satisfaction he should be feeling.

"I can just imagine the look on his face when he found out." Vicrul laughed then did an impression of what he assumed his face must've looked like which caused the other Knights to picture it as well and start laughing.

Kylo took a drink from the glass in his hands, not wanting to talk about this. As much as he loved thinking about Hux at his wit's end, he didn't find it amusing right now. He could only imagine how stressed you must've be when he found out, how you had panicked when telling him who did it. It didn't help that he still felt unsettled about what happened between the two of you the day before when you had been shopping.

"Oh come on, you don't feel guilty, do you?" One of the knights joked with Kylo, noticing the way that his demeanor changed right when it got brought up.

"I don't." Kylo snapped, on edge. "It's just not funny."

There was a beat of silence. If it were anyone else, the Knights would be giving him a lot of shit. But it was Kylo and at the end of the day, they worked for him, there was still a level of respect.

"I know she's hot and she's a lot of fun but is it that serious?" Ushar asked Kylo. He didn't need to elaborate, everyone in the room knew what he meant when he asked that. Was she worth putting your guard down for?

Kylo's jaw clenched, staring at him. "You should know better than to question me, Ushar."

He shifted in his seat, knowing he had to dig himself out of the hole he just stumbled into. "I'm not questioning you, I just..." He trailed off and looked at the other guys as if he were seeing if they were going to back him up on this or not. "You're different with her, I don't know, I don't get it."

Kylo was embarrassed. He was supposed to be in control of these men and now they were pointing out a weakness of his. He didn't realize he had been so obvious about it, how had they been able to notice? "If you're insinuating what I think you are, we're going to have a problem." He said in a threatening voice, aka: if Ushar was insinuating that Kylo was growing soft, he would have to beat his ass.

Ushar held his hands up in defense but he had a grin on his face. "Don't worry man. I'll leave you and your little princess alone." He said in almost a mocking tone.

Kylo sprung up from his chair at that, he didn't like the way your nickname sounded coming from him, "Watch your fucking mouth." He growled. A few Knights were already up to hold him back.

It really had just escalated from that point on. Ushar wasn't exactly the best at holding his tongue. The Knights held Kylo back from actually hurting Ushar but he managed to throw a few items at him, causing them to smash onto the ground. They had tried to separate the two of them by bringing Ushar into Kylo's room but he had just followed him in there.

Kylo wasn't that mad at what Ushar had said, but he was more just overwhelmed with coming to terms with the fact that he couldn't hide it anymore, not even from himself. Other people were noticing now too.

Kylo was falling for you.

You and Kylo stared at each other intensely, trying to read each other's expression as the Knights made their way out, the sound of glass crunching under their shoes as they did so.

"Told you so." Ushar muttered quietly to the men next to him with a smirk on his face, shutting the front door behind him. Although he regretted starting a fight with his own boss, he did take pride knowing that he'd been right with how much power you had over Kylo.

"Are you okay?" You asked him. In the back of your mind you noticed how worried you were for him. You knew it probably wasn't a big deal from the way that his Knights hadn't seemed that concerned. He was probably just throwing a slightly drunk tantrum. But that didn't mean you enjoyed seeing him like that.

He couldn't say anything right now, he shrugged at your question, swallowing hard. He was ashamed that you'd seen that and it made him want to hide but he realized that he needed you there. He pulled away from you so that he could walk over to the side of his bed, wanting to sit down.

You joined him and with your presence next to him, Kylo wordlessly slumped against you. Normally when he was faced with a problem, he tried to fight whatever was making him feel like this and kill it. But he was so tired of the inner turmoil he was dealing with. He didn't want to fight you, he hated feeling like he needed to.

You wrapped your arms around him and were surprised to feel how desperately he wrapped his own arms around you, pulling you close to him.

You two stayed in this position for a long time, not saying anything, taking in the way that it felt to just relax against each other. It was the first time you'd ever been in his bedroom, you realized. You broke the silence when you knew he was calm again, shifting so that you were able to look at him. "What happened?"

Kylo sighed, "It was dumb." He said. It really had been dumb on the surface. But it meant so much more to him. Even his Knights were concerned with his feelings for you.

"Ushar called you princess and it set me off...I wanted to break his jaw but I guess I just broke a bunch of other shit instead." He couldn't help but laugh a little at the situation.

You were surprised to hear that it had to do with you and the fact that Kylo had gotten so mad just hearing someone else call you by his nickname he had for you, made butterflies form in your stomach. This affection for him was coming back like it always did.

"You're the only one who gets to call me that, huh?" You asked with a smirk. You chose not to mention how Vicrul had called you it as well. Kylo had just calmed down, there was no need to get him all worked up again.

"That's right, princess." Kylo said, the smirk on his face mirroring yours which caused you to bite your lip to hold back the stupid grin that was inching onto your face.

"I'll help you clean everything up." You offered him, talking about the mess, your hands moving to his hair to push some stray pieces away from his face. He had helped you enough with your injuries that cleaning was the least you could do.

He wouldn't let you help him, it would be too embarrassing for him but the fact that you offered it to him made him want to smile. "You can be sweet when you want to be, you know that? You aren't so tough all the time." He said to you in a teasing way.

You rolled your eyes a little but laughed. You both knew he was the tough one here. "I'm good to you if you're good to me." You said honestly. The only time you felt like it was okay to hurt him was when you felt threatened by him.

You saw the way he was looking at you, it reminded you of the way he'd been looking at you when you showed him what you looked like in the skirt he picked out for you the day before. It was like he was studying you, concentrated on you.

Remembering, you started talking, "Yesterday..." You wanted to explain yourself. Being this close to him made you want to make it right.

"You don't have to say it." Kylo interrupted you. "You didn't want it. That's okay." The expression on his face was clouded. He was trying to hide how much it hurt him to say that. He couldn't imagine not wanting you so it didn't feel good to think that it wasn't mutual.

You chuckled softly and shook your head, "I did want it. That's the problem, Kylo." You said to him, moving your hand away from his hair, it was distracting you, you wanted to keep playing with it instead of talking to him.

At those words, Kylo moved so that he was able to look at you better, wanting to hear this.

You paused, trying to find the words to say. "Ever since you've moved back here, everything's changed for me...So much has happened." You tried to gauge his reactions but it was too difficult. "I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself sometimes... I feel so lost." You admitted to him, focusing on the way your fingers felt against the sheets of his bed instead of on the way you felt exposed to him. "But then sometimes...when I'm with you...I don't feel lost anymore."

Kylo's eyebrow shot up at that, not expecting it. His pulse quickened.

"Then I overthink and I freak myself out because I really consider who you are and how easily you could destroy me... What does it say about me that I feel safe around someone as dangerous as you are?" You frowned at the thought. You were fucked up. "I don't know if this is the life I want...the lying, the killing..." You swallowed hard at the memories that rushed to your head and the lies you were still telling to this day.

That made Kylo sad in a way. He had worked so hard to build this life for himself and for what? He could have everything he wanted but he couldn't have you.

"Kylo, you told me that in your mind, I represent your past. The person you used to be...That's why I scare you, because I bring up the things you try to hide." You were trying to get him to understand. "Well to me, you represent my future...You bring out this version of myself that I try to push away...I don't want get too close to you because I don't want you to consume me and turn me into someone else, into this person I'm afraid of..."

Kylo exhaled at that, the concept clicking in his mind. It made sense to him, why you acted the way you did, it was the same reasons he acted the way he did with you. You two were both trying to escape from what you were drawn to and you brought that same thing out in each other.

You brought out a lighter side of him. You made him gentle and thoughtful. He cared about you and wanted to protect you.

And he brought out the darker side of you. He made you question your morals and give in to your desires, you let yourself really feel pleasure around him.

As much as you two wanted to push each other away, there was no denying it: you needed each other. Being together brought you both balance that you'd never be able to achieve on your own. It was why you felt so connected. You completed each other.

"I feel the same way." Kylo told you. "I thought you were important to me because you were supposed to remind me to never go back to the life I had before... But..." He almost couldn't finish that thought, "But maybe you're important to me because you're my only link to that part of myself... You're the only thing that keeps me tethered to Ben. You're all I have left of him."

You still didn't know his entire backstory. You had pieced together that he used to go by Ben, before he got involved with the mafia. You wondered what he was like then. Would you be as obsessed with Ben as you were with Kylo?

"Doesn't that make you hate me?" You asked, thinking it over. "You tried so hard to kill him off and now here I am keeping him alive."

Kylo nodded, a dark look on his face. "I should hate you, I thought I did for a while...But I don't. I can't hate you." He admitted you with wide eyes. This was so much for him to say out loud.

"I don't hate you either." You said to him, "I wish I did." You couldn't help but smirk a little at that statement. You two were so emotionally closed off that saying you didn't hate each other could be considered romantic.

He ignored your smirk, not finding it as funny as you did.

"We can't keep fighting this." Kylo said suddenly, his voice was strained, getting frustrated with his thoughts. "We can do everything to try and push each other away but it won't work. We'll never win, it's out of our control."

That statement washed over you. 'it's out of our control'. It was true, you knew it was. You two were just pushing off the inevitable by keeping each other at arm's length. You were torturing yourselves by not being with each other.

"What do we do, Kylo?" You asked him, pleading, needing guidance. You were starting to feel lost again.

Kylo was silent, his mind buzzing. He moved from his spot on his bed to a spot on the ground in front of you, on his knees so that he was closer to eye level with you. He took your hands into his. "We have to let go and give into these feelings we have for each other, we can't keep trying to get rid of them." He was so exhausted from trying to convince himself he didn't have feelings for you, he just wanted to stop struggling against it.

You nodded at his words, letting yourself process them. This was it, you had to stop pretending you weren't falling for him. There was no turning back. "I'm scared." You admitted to him. You weren't sure if you were ready to let yourself do it.

He nodded, squeezing your hands in his, "I am too." He admitted, tensing at how powerless he felt to say that out loud. "But I want to be with you. I don't care if it has to be in secret. I want you."

This wasn't just the two of you being vulnerable by expressing your feelings for each other. This was an admission that you were willing to go against what you both believed in, in order to be together.

"Will you do this for me? Will you surrender to me?" Kylo asked you, his eyes dancing on your face. He was pleading with you. He needed to hear you say it.

You took a shaky breath, you knew how serious those questions were. "Kylo I...I need to know that I'm not alone. I have to know that you're doing the same for me or I can't do it." You explained to him. You could let yourself feel things for him but if he wasn't doing the same, it would crush you. You remembered how he'd tried to push you away before, you couldn't go through that again.

Kylo was breathing heavily, thinking this through. He wanted to say no so badly but he couldn't, it was too exhausting. "I'm with you, you aren't alone... It's me and you, okay?" He assured you, his thumbs brushing over your skin in a soothing way, not even realizing that he was doing it.

You couldn't speak, you were consumed with emotion. This felt like a dream. Right now, Hux was far from being on your mind. You would figure out what you were doing with him later, right now you knew you wanted Kylo, that's all that mattered.

Kylo let go of your hands so that he could lean towards you, putting a hand on the back of your head. He moved so that his forehead was pressed against yours, needing you close to him. "Give in to me." He begged, his hands grasping at your hair, "Let me have you. All of you... I need you." His voice faltered at the last statement, he was emotional. You were too.

You nodded against him, swallowing hard, overwhelmed. "I'm yours, Kylo, all of me. I swear." You breathed, you meant it. You were giving him permission to break you. You weren't just giving into him, you were giving into the darkness. And he was giving into your light.

Kylo stared in your eyes, searching for any source of dishonesty but he couldn't find any. "You're mine." He said cautiously, testing the way that it sounded. When he told you that you were his the day before in the dressing room, he had been trying to convince himself of it. But right now, he didn't need to do that. You were his, he knew that now, he could tell that you meant it too.

Although the two of you were almost nauseous with nerves from taking this next step, you two couldn't help but break out in grins at the way those words sounded. You were his and he was yours. It felt so good to say it and really mean it.

"You're mine." Kylo repeated, this time he said it in a forceful way, eyes set on yours. His hand gripped your hair tighter, pulling your head back slightly before crashing his lips down on yours. He hummed at the way that it felt to kiss you after saying that statement. Although it wasn't the first time he said it, it was the first time that he really felt it because it was the first time you had said out loud that you were giving in to him.

You wrapped your arms around him, pressing him against you so that you could be as close to him as possible.

From the position that he was in, Kylo was easily able to burrow his arms under your thighs on his bed and pick you up. He set you back down onto his bed in a lying position and moved on top of you, pinning you against the mattress with his weight. "I've been waiting for you to submit to me, my good girl...I'm so proud of you." He cooed, kissing your neck exactly in the way he knew made your legs weak.

You sighed happily, tangling your fingers into his hair to hold him in place on your neck. "I'm yours, Kylo. I can't help it...I think you were meant for me." You said, "I think we were meant to ruin each other."

Kylo moaned against your skin at that. Fuck, he really did want to ruin you.He wanted to make you forget about everything you stood for and just do everything that you knew felt so good with him. He wanted you to be like him, sick and dark and twisted and he wanted to be the one to push you there.

If you let him ruin you, he would do the same for you, he thought. He would be sweet for you, he'd take care of you...Kylo would let himself fall in love with you...The thought of that made him pause his movements of sucking on your delicate skin. He knew that was how this would end, Kylo was going to love you.

He moved away from your neck so that he could look up at you. Kylo stared at you and took in the way that your chest was rising and falling, the look of fear and pleasure in your eyes. He swallowed hard, overwhelmed by it. "You've already ruined me, princess." He told you in a soft voice. Then, he pressed his lips against yours, placing his hand on your cheek to keep you close.

In that moment, you came to a realization:

By New Years, someone had to die.

And it wasn't going to be Kylo Ren.


	19. Your Side

You had fallen asleep with Kylo many times now but this was the first time you'd ever woken up in his bed.

When your eyes first fluttered open, you had forgotten where you were for a few moments. His room was so much darker than yours. Not just in the wall color or decor but also in the way that he had his curtains shut tightly on all of his windows. It startled you at first, before your brain could really wake up, because the layout was almost the same as your apartment but just slightly off.

But then you heard the quiet snoring coming from your side and when you turned to look, your heart soared at what you saw. Kylo fast asleep, facing you on his side with the most peaceful look on his face. It almost looked like he was smiling in his sleep, even.

If you weren't staring at him right then, you might've thought that everything that happened the night before had been a dream. You pinched yourself. Nope, this was real life.

There were so many things you had to figure out now. The first thing would be deciding what you were going to do with Hux. You couldn't stay with him, you realized that. But that left you with a lot of questions.

What would you do about your apartment and college? Sure, Kylo would probably offer to pay for it, he had more money than Hux did anyways, but everything was still in your current boyfriend's name. If he were petty enough, he could take everything away from you. How were you even going to break it off with him? Would you tell him that you were with Kylo or let him find out on his own? Those weren't even your biggest worries.

The biggest concern was, how were you going to tell Kylo that you even considered teaming up with Hux to take him down? Would that break his trust for you? Would he kill Hux on the spot? Would he kill you?

You looked back over to him and frowned at how relaxed he was. He had no idea.

You were anxious now and had to get out out of bed and away from him for a little bit to clear your mind. You tried to be as silent as possible as you slid off the side of his mattress.

Kylo woke up not too much longer after you did, shivering. He was cold and when he saw that you weren't in bed laying against him, he realized it was because he was missing the heat from your body. He ran his hands along his sheets, as if trying to find you.

He heard some noise coming from his kitchen as his brain fully woke up, he realized that it must be you out there. It was strange to have you so casually in his apartment like this. When he had hooked up with girls in the past, he never let them spend the night. He barely even looked at them when he was done having sex with them. But here you were, in his personal space the next morning and hanging out in his kitchen by yourself.

He got out of bed and stretched his arms over his head with a yawn. He slept really well last night with you against him, he felt well rested for the first time in a while.

Kylo grabbed his underwear and sweatpants off from the floor, still naked from the night before. He was confused as to where his shirt went. When he walked out to the kitchen and saw you standing at the stove, he realized why it was missing. You had it on.

"I let you stay here one night and you're already stealing my clothes and my food." Kylo smirked, walking up behind you. He wrapped his arms around you from behind and leaned down to bury his nose against your hair. "My bad girl." He teased you, kissing the top of your head gently.

You felt butterflies in your stomach from the closeness. He was always so attractive in the morning, his voice was raspy and his hair was messy. "To be fair, most of this is for you." You told him, motioning towards the food you were currently cooking. "Go sit down." You said gently, wanting to do this for him.

He hesitated but then listened to you, knowing better than to argue with having breakfast served to him in his own home. He couldn't help himself from lightly smacking your ass before doing so. You looked too good in his shirt.

"Oh, did you see that, by the way?" You asked, pointing to the ground in the living room.

He narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out what you were pointing towards. It just looked like his living room. "See what?" He asked. He didn't see anything at all, he glanced at you in concern. Did he fuck your brains out last night?

"Exactly! There isn't anything." You grinned, "I cleaned everything up. Your mess from last night." You said to him proudly, you knew he wouldn't let you help so you just did it on your own. You had needed a distraction from your racing thoughts and besides, it was only a matter of time before you stepped on broken glass and hurt yourself again.

Kylo sighed and gave you a look that said, 'really?'. He didn't like knowing that you cleaned up his mess for him, especially a mess over a fight as stupid as it had been, it was embarrassing.

You started putting the food onto plates then carried it over to the table he was sitting at. You set his plate in front of him, then grabbed him the cup of coffee you made for him. "You took care of me when I was hurt so now I'm returning the favor." You explained to him, patting the top of his head with an amused smile.

He swatted your hand away, "I can take care of myself." He told you, ignoring the way that he liked it. You saw the small smile in his eyes which let you know that he didn't hate it as much as he was pretending to.

You joined him at the table and couldn't help but laugh a little. When you first met Kylo the last thing you would've expected was that one day you would be sitting at his kitchen table with him, wearing his clothes, and eating breakfast.

You grabbed your fork then squinted as you tried to cut up some of your food on your plate. It was too dark in there, you couldn't see what you were doing. You always had your curtains open so you weren't used to this, you loved your huge view of the city. Both of your apartments were on the top floor and you loved looking down on all of the buildings. At that thought, you scooted out of your chair and made your way over to his windows to open the large curtains up.

"Fuck, come on." Kylo muttered, shutting his eyes and putting a hand up to shield his sight. "Close those, it's so bright out." He said, wincing.

"I know." You celebrated, looking over at him and ignoring the way he clearly didn't like it. It had been raining for a few days and right now, the sky was blue, it was pretty out.

Kylo noticed your excitement and forced himself to blink and adjust to the pain. It was hard for him to take away something that was clearly bringing you joy, even if he preferred his dark shut in apartment. "Fine." He sighed, shaking his head as he took a drink of his coffee. There you were again, letting the light into his life. He supposed he needed to get used to it now.

"Dinner tonight will be interesting, hm?" Kylo smirked, thinking about his plans for the night as you sat back down across hm.

You paused, realizing what he was talking about. Fuck, you had forgotten about it. You and Hux were supposed to meet Kylo and a few others for dinner. The plans had been made a few weeks ago, back when everything was a lot different.

"I'm not going." You decided with a shrug. You'd make up an excuse for Hux. You wouldn't have time to break it off with him before dinner, you weren't even sure how you were going to do it yet. And you knew you couldn't show up to dinner with him and pretend like you weren't going to end things, especially if Kylo was there too.

"Oh, yes you are." Kylo said to you. "I want to see you with Hux so I can be reminded how much better I am for you." He said with a smirk on his lips. He was loving this new power he had over the man he hated so much.

The first time you two had sex last night, it had been rushed and passionate. It was tender even because of how much you two were deciding to open up to each other. But the second time you had sex, you remembered how much it had turned Kylo on to know you were submitting to him:

"You're so dirty, fucking me behind your boyfriend's back." Kylo had grunted while he thrusted in and out of you from behind, grabbing your hips tightly. "You love it too, don't you? Knowing how you have two men fighting over you. You're such a slut."

You were gripping the sheets on his bed, moaning at his words. You hated to admit it but there was something hot knowing that two men high up in the mafia were essentially fighting over you. Really, it just turned you on to see how powerful it made Kylo feel, you wanted to make him feel like this all of the time.

"You're in my bed, not his. Wanna know why, princess?" He said his words in between each thrust of his hips.

You could barely hear what he was saying, let alone be able to have a conversation with him, it all felt too good. But you tried your best. "Why, daddy?"

Kylo groaned, hearing you say that. He slapped your ass. "Because no one fucks you like I do. No one besides me feels this good inside of you. No one else fills you up like this." He said, thrusting even deeper at those words. He had felt like you had been playing a game with him ever since you met him and now that you were giving into his dark side, he had won.

You couldn't argue with that. You were a mess underneath him.

"Tell me how much better I fuck you than your own boyfriend." Kylo growled, wanting to hear you say it out loud. Before, he had been too jealous to bring up Hux as blatantly as he was now. But now that he knew it was just a matter of time before you broke up with him, he loved this. He loved knowing that he had something that Hux couldn't have: you.

You winced at first, feeling a pit of guilt in your chest but then Kylo grasped your hair and tugged on it so that you were able to look up at how he was leaning over you from behind, and that guilt was gone. He was so perfect. "No one fucks me like this, Kylo. You're so much better at it than him." You told him, you voice wavering from the way you were stretching your neck back to keep eye contact with him.

Kylo moaned in approval, his ego was huge right now, he loved it. "Tell me more."

You bit your lip, this was so wrong. "Your cock is so much bigger than his, I fucking love it."

Kylo cussed loudly, having to pause his quick movements inside of you to take a deep breath, he was getting close too quickly. The way you were feeding his confidence was sending him right to the edge. "Get on your knees, I want to fuck your filthy mouth." He had hissed. 

Your skin was on fire as you thought back on that memory, pushing food around on your plate. You could see why Kylo wanted to take the opportunity to see Hux with you, it made him feel cocky and powerful knowing what he was doing to you behind closed doors. A part of it excited you too, if you looked past the guilt.

Now that the two of you were sitting in silence again, your mind started to wander. You should tell him everything right now, you knew that. You took a deep breath, working up the nerve to do so. You glanced over at him and saw that he had already been intently staring at you.

"You're nervous." Kylo commented, being able to read you. You had more energy than usual this morning and you couldn't sit still. Something was up, he realized. He was worried, he thought maybe you were overthinking the things you said to him the night before.

You looked up at him and swallowed hard. "It's about Hux." You decided on.

Kylo frowned, crossing his arms across his chest. He didn't like where this was going. "You regret what happened last night?" He asked. He looked up at you with what could only be described as 'puppy dog eyes', afraid of how you might answer.

"No." You said quickly, "No, not at all." You assured him. That was the last thing on your list that you were anxious about. For once, your feelings for Kylo were your only comfort when before they had been your main cause of stress.

He physically relaxed at that, exhaling.

You saw his relief and knew that it would be short lived. "Hux wants to take you down."

This made Kylo laugh out loud, "Yeah, no shit."

You sighed and shook your head, he didn't get it. "No, I mean... he's planning on it. He has an actual plan. He said by New Years you'll be gone." Your tone was serious, looking at him unwaveringly.

Kylo's laughter died down as he thought about that. It was no secret that Hux would love to take Kylo's place, it was sort of an unspoken agreement amongst everyone. But Kylo never thought that he'd have the balls to actually do something about it. Although he wasn't exactly threatened, he knew he could do more damage to Hux than the other way around, it did worry him that he had been oblivious. He wouldn't have known if you didn't tell him and that put him on edge.

"New Years." He repeated, clarifying.

You nodded, letting it sink in.

Kylo rubbed his chin in thought for a few moments before abruptly scooting away from the table and standing up. He began pacing around his kitchen as he tried to think back to his interactions with Hux recently. There had been those troopers who tried to kill him who Hux sent. That must've been his first plan. When that went through, Hux moved onto something else. He tried to think of what his angle could be now.

"What's he planning on doing?" Kylo asked, continuing to walk back and forth on his kitchen tile.

"I don't know." You said honestly, "He didn't tell me anything."

He heard you but he made no indication of it. He was too preoccupied with his own thoughts.

You cleared your throat to get his attention then bit your lip. This was the hard part. "When you said those things to me in the shower that one time...When you tried to hurt me," You noticed the flash of emotion on his face which let you know that he was aware of what you were referring to, "I was so mad at you..." You trailed off.

Kylo paused his movements, stopping so that he could look over at you. His mind was connecting the dots to what you might say next. He tensed, fists clenched.

You noticed this but continued, knowing there was no way out of it now. "Hux told me that he wanted me to help him take you down...I told him I would."

It was as if you had just slapped Kylo across the face, that was what his reaction looked like to that statement. He started questioning everything, eye twitching. Why were you even here? Was this part of Hux's plan?

Then, he was striding over you to and before you could react, he grabbed you by your hair and tugged, making you stand up from your chair due to the pain on your scalp. This was it, he was going to kill you, you thought. Your eyes flashed to the table, at the sharp knife that was sitting there. You wanted it to defend yourself.

Kylo knew what you had just glanced at and he grabbed for the knife before you could, "Is this what you want?" He snarled, holding it up in the light. He then pushed you against the wall behind you, keeping his grip on your hair as he did so.

You gasped, in pain and in fear. He held the knife up to you, close to your throat. "You wanna use this knife to kill me? To help your pathetic little boyfriend take me down?" He was yelling in your face.

You didn't want to move, his knife was so close to your skin that you were nervous that it would cut you if you brushed against it. "No." You answered quickly, "Kylo, stop." You pleaded with him. You weren't sure if he would believe you but you just needed to explain yourself. The weapon against your throat was making you nervous.

"Do you know how many people have tried to betray me?" Kylo was still yelling, his eyes wild on yours. He didn't even feel like himself, he was completely consumed by his hurt feelings and his anger. You didn't answer his question knowing that it was rhetorical. "Do you know how many of them I've killed?" His hand on the knife was shaking, as if he were holding himself back from actually using it on you. "Do you?" He shouted, pulling at your hair in frustration. "Answer me!"

You hissed in pain but didn't respond, you didn't know how to.

"Every single of them!" He growled loudly, teeth barred. One could argue that Hux had betrayed Kylo and was still alive, but that was different in his eyes. Hux never had Kylo's trust to betray in the first place.

The tears that had formed in your eyes were spilling over now. You were terrified. He'd never been this angry at you before and you didn't doubt that he would hurt you. Somehow, you had convinced yourself that he would kill you too. Your mind kept going back to the stranger who had done this to you in the alleyway, threatened you with a knife. It felt like you were right back there in that moment but this time you were even more afraid because this wasn't some random drunk man, this was Kylo. And that meant there was no one here to save you.

"Were you lying to me last night?" His voice lowering in volume only slightly. He was less angry now, more hurt, as he thought about this. The knife in his hand was shaking even more.

"No." You whispered, "I wasn't, I swear. That had nothing to do with it."

Kylo grit his teeth, grunting under his breath. He wanted to believe you so badly but it was his job to question people who might be against him. It was hard to turn that off just because it was you. "If I find out you're working against me, I will kill you, do you understand that? I'll have to fucking kill you." He was staring at you so intensely.

You couldn't answer that, you were too scared, "Please, Kylo, I'm on your side." You said breathlessly, your eyes rapidly switching between him and the knife.

Kylo paused at that. The phrase replayed in his mind, his knife moving from being pressed against your throat to slightly below it. "My side?" He asked, questioning what you meant.

You nodded frantically, "I only said yes to Hux because I thought I hated you...I thought you might hate me too...I don't, I don't hate you at all, you know that." You hoped you were coherent enough to be convincing, "I'll do whatever you want, whatever you need. I'll help you. I'm on your side, not his."

Kylo's gaze was suffocating you. He was trying to see if he could sense any dishonesty but he couldn't. He swore he could hear his heart thumping. "If I tell you that Hux has to die... you'll help me with that?" He asked, testing you.

The tears flowed quicker now, a short sob escaping your chest. You didn't want anyone to die. But you knew if you had to choose someone to live, it wouldn't be Hux... The realization made you hate yourself but you couldn't deny it. "Yes, Kylo." You said sadly. As much as you hated to say it, it was true.

Kylo studied you for a few moments, lip trembling, as he took in how honest you were being. You really meant it. You would let Hux die if it meant that Kylo was able to live. He understood how much that his meant. You were devoted to him and it made him so thankful, it was all that he ever wanted from you.

He lowered his knife from your throat and tossed it onto the table, indicating that he trusted you. You could pick it back up if you really wanted to hurt him, but he knew that you didn't. Then he let go of his grip on your hair and kissed you deeply, overwhelmed by your admission. You really were his.

You were still in shock from all of the emotions you had just been through but feeling his lips against yours made you practically melt in relief. You could handle this because you realized he believed you.

You felt Kylo bend down so that he could grab you by your thighs and pick you up, making you wrap your legs around his waist as he continued to kiss you. His mouth was practically devouring yours. Although he had power, he wasn't sure if he'd ever really felt this before, having someone on his side. He was always on edge, assuming that everyone was trying to take him down (and mostly, they were). He couldn't deny the way that he loved having someone to help him, watch out for him even.

Kylo moved to the couch and sat down, keeping you on his lap in the same position so that you were straddling him.

"I'm gonna tell you my next plan." Kylo breathed against you, biting your bottom lip before releasing it to keep speaking, "And you're gonna help me do it because you're my good girl."

You nodded obediently, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your chest against him, wanting him as close as possible. God, who were you right now? You were getting wet thinking about helping Kylo kill your boyfriend.

"Take off your clothes." He said in a soft voice that directly contrasted the way that his hand instinctively wrapped tightly around your throat. When you whimpered and nodded at that request, his hand came down onto your cheek, smacking you lightly with a moan of approval from him.

You wasted no time crawling off of him when he let go of your neck so that you could pull his t-shirt over your head, followed by your panties. He clenched his jaw as he looked you over. He couldn't help himself from palming his growing erection through his pants, seeing you exposed to him like this. Not just physically but emotionally too.

You rubbed your thighs together, trying to get friction as you watched him touch himself. This caused him to grin darkly, "You wanna touch me, princess?" When you swallowed hard and nodded, he pulled his sweatpants and underwear down, his cock springing free from the material.

You instantly got down on your knees. You wanted to please him, you wanted to show him how loyal you were to him and not anyone else. You were so thankful that he actually believed you when you said so, you had been so scared.

Kylo inhaled at the way you had gotten down in front of him so quickly. He definitely was liking this new submissive version of you. You reached for him, wanting to touch him and he harshly slapped your hand away. "Listen to me first." He said in a deep voice that made you stop reaching for him. "As much as I want you to crush Hux, I need you to stay with him for a while, you can't end it with him."

You frowned at that. Stay with Hux? "No, I can't do that." You said, shaking your head. That's not how this was supposed to work, you admitted your feelings for Kylo and now it was time to be with him, that's what you wanted. It had taken so much for the two of you to finally do it and the thought of just continuing your relationship with Hux made you sad.

"Yes, you can." Kylo corrected you sternly.

He motioned towards his dick then back at you. "Spit." He instructed you. You were confused at first but then it clicked. You were hesitant but you moved so that you could work up enough saliva to gently spit it over the head of his cock, watching the way that it dripped down his length.

"Good girl." Kylo murmured. He then wrapped his hand around his cock, moving his grip up and down slowly as he watched you. Your eyes dilated as you watched the motion, you wished it were you touching him instead, you almost forgot to listen to what he was saying to you.

"I need to find out what exactly he's planning. I need to see how deep it goes. You're the easiest way for me to do that." He explained. Hux had been spending so much time with Snoke, Kylo couldn't help but wonder if he were trying to get the boss involved with whatever his plan might be. He could easily just kill Hux but it wasn't the smartest choice. He had to figure out how many other people were in on planning Kylo's demise, they'd have to die too and without getting that information from Hux, it would be likely that Kylo would never find out.

You were shifting on your knees, rubbing your thighs together. You almost reached down and started touching yourself but thought against it, you needed to listen to him. "He doesn't tell me anything." You let him know and it was true. Hux didn't feel like he could trust you with mafia information.

"Then you'll have to play smart, princess. I know you can do it." Kylo sighed in pleasure at the way he was stroking himself. "You'll pretend to be loyal to him but we both know who you belong to, who you'll be helping." He hissed under his breath, the pace of his hand speeding up as he thought about the fact that you would be doing this for him. "Fuck, it turns me on to know you'll be going behind his back just because I need to you to. You're my perfect girl."

You let out a shaky breath. Your heart was beating so quickly thinking about how dangerous this all would be but also because you could see how much Kylo was trusting you with it, that meant so much. "I'll do whatever you need me to do, Kylo, whatever you tell me to do." You told him, nodding. You meant it and it made you feel bad but at the same time, now that you finally had Kylo, you weren't going to let anything get in the way of that.

Kylo moaned at that, his hips twitching to meet the movement of his hand, this was so hot to him. "Right now, I need you to suck my cock." He said to you in a strained voice, if he kept touching himself and thinking about what you were willing to do for him, he was going to finish soon.

You exhaled at that, easily moving in between his legs that he had parted for you to get closer to him. You didn't waste any time leaning your head down to close your mouth in around him, replacing his hand.

Kylo's head tilted back with a groan at the feeling of your warm mouth against him, this was exactly what he needed. "Fuck." He growled under his breath. His hands found their way to the back of your head so that he was able to guide your motions. "This mouth was made for me."

You moaned at his words, causing vibrations against him which made him moan out as well. You knew that when you went through with all of this, this was it, there was no way that you'd be able to not be with Kylo from this point on, you were completely his.

"When you do this for me, I'll have rules for you." Kylo sighed, helping you speed up your movements. "You won't be fucking him. I don't want him inside of you. Your pussy is mine and mine only, understand?"

You nodded at that, parting your lips around him just slightly so that you could take in more of him. You would have to make excuses to Hux as to why you didn't want to have sex but it didn't exactly bother you, you only wanted to fuck Kylo anyways.

Kylo was pleased by your understanding. "I don't care how late you're at his house or how late he's in your apartment, I don't want you to fall asleep with him, you'll sleep with me, I don't care if it's in my bed or yours." He didn't want you to feel like you were still in a relationship with Hux, this needed to feel like a job or he wouldn't be able to handle it.

You didn't mind that rule at all. You slept so much better when you were with Kylo. You took his length in deeper in your throat, gagging slightly but relaxing when you were able to get used to it. Then, you continued your motions of up and down on him, adjusting to the feeling of it.

Kylo groaned loudly at that, feeling how much of him you were taking. "Yes, just like that." He muttered, "Take the whole thing." He was so worked up from the feeling of knowing that you were dedicated to him, you were risking so much helping him.

"You can't spend more time with him than you're spending with me." He said in between moans, "And when it's time to end it, you have to right away. There's no turning back. Once I get what I need from him, you're all mine." It would kill him to know that you were still Hux's girlfriend but really, the title didn't mean anything to him. He knew that as long as he wasn't with you more than Kylo was and he wasn't fucking you, he could handle his jealousy if he knew that it would result in taking Hux down.

You nodded against him to the best of your abilities while still moving your mouth up and down on his cock. Although this was a huge deal and it was something that was going to cause you a lot of anxiety, at this very moment, it seemed simple. You would do whatever you needed to keep Kylo safe and at the top.

Kylo gently pushed you down farther on his shaft, enjoying the noises you made as you tried to adjust how far down your throat that he was. "Oh good girl, fucking choke on it." He grunted, squeezing his eyes shut in pleasure. You were gagging but you wanted to hear more praise from him so you forced yourself to get used to it. You started bobbing your head up and down on him again, pushing through the uncomfortable feeling knowing how much he liked it.

"I'm gonna cum, princess. You want daddy to fill you up? Wanna swallow it all for me?" He asked you, practically whining with how good this felt. Usually he was the one making you fall apart but this time, he was a mess all for you.

You moaned against him, unable to tell him yes or nod with how deep he was down your throat, but the answer was yes, you wanted that.

Kylo cussed under his breath at that, his eyebrows furrowing together as he felt his building orgasm begin to reach its peak. He thrusted his hips upward, forcing himself even deeper as he came, emptying himself all the way down your throat with a loud groan.

You froze, nervous that you wouldn't be able to handle it. For a moment, you gagged and had to hold yourself back from coughing. You glanced up at him and when you saw his face, you instantly swallowed it all, feeling this affection for him. He looked so perfect like this, all of his guards completely down and vulnerable as he finished.

Kylo locked eyes with you, bending over so that he could wipe away from tears that had fallen from your eyes from the way you had gagged on him. "My good girl." He told you in a gentle voice.

When he said that, he didn't just mean because you'd given him a blow job. He really knew you were his good girl for so much more, you were putting so much at risk to be on his side. Your heart soared.

____________

Later that night, you had planned on faking food poisoning or something, to get out of the dinner that was planned. But Kylo wouldn't let you. He wanted you there mainly because he just wanted to be around you. But he also wanted to see the way that you would interact with him and Hux in the same room. It would say a lot about your loyalty. Kylo was testing you.

The last thing that you wanted to do was be around the two men at the same time. How were you going to keep this act up? You were practically shaking with nerves as you zipped up the back of your skirt. It was the one Kylo had just bought you when you went shopping. You put the shirt he bought you on as well and a pair of heels. You knew he'd enjoy seeing you in it.

You checked the time and glanced out of the large window. You saw Hux's driver waiting for you outside which meant you should start heading down now. You felt sick, thinking about your boyfriend waiting for you in the back of the car while you were plotting behind his back.

You looked yourself over one more time in the mirror before heading out.

Coincidentally, Kylo was walking out from his apartment at the same exact time. You looked him over as he practically strutted to the elevator that you were waiting in front of. He looked perfect, as always, in a perfectly tailored suit. You noticed the way that he was wearing rings again, did he expect to hurt someone tonight?

The two of you didn't say anything to each other but the looks on your faces said it all. You were both taking in how good the other looked with smirks on your faces.

The elevator doors opened up and the two of you headed inside, him letting you go in before him. He reached over you to press the button to the ground floor, his finger lingering for a moment because of how close it put him next to you.

You inhaled, taking in the cologne he was wearing. You looked up at him and he was staring intently at you already, his eyes raking over the way you looked in the outfit he had paid for.

Then, before you knew it, Kylo had you pushed against the wall behind you, his lips against yours feverishly. The two of you made out while the elevator moved from floor to floor. Your hands were all over each other and you were both moaning, not being able to help it.

Then, when you both heard the elevator 'ding', indicating that you were on the ground floor, you pulled away from each other.

By the time the doors opened up, you were on opposite ends of the elevator, smoothing your clothes out. As if nothing ever happened.

"Be smart tonight, princess." Kylo told you as the two of you stepped out and into the lobby of your apartment building. You both ignored the way everyone was turning to stare at you two.

"I always am." You teased him, moving your hair back into place from where Kylo had messed it up. You knew what he meant. It would be anything but smart if you went against him or if you did anything that would make Hux suspicious of what the two of you were planning.

Kylo liked that confidence from you, it calmed what little nerves that he had. He trusted you and it made him feel unstoppable.

For the first time, he wasn't in this all alone. Kylo had you on his side.


	20. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sexy time includes: degradation, dubcon, and pain. Hehe.

Getting into the back of Hux's car so that you could go to dinner together, was like adding a thousand pound weight onto your shoulders. You didn't want to betray anyone, you didn't want anyone to die. But this was your life now. This is just what you had to do. It was exhausting.

"Hi." You said to him, hoping your voice sounded steadier than you actually felt as you got comfortable in your seat, putting the seatbelt on. Well, as comfortable as you could be considering the situation.

"Hi, honey." Hux said to you. You watched as his eyebrows raised while he looked you over. "Is that leather?" He asked, pointing to your skirt.

You glanced down, remembering what you were wearing, the skirt Kylo picked for you, and nodded. "It is."

Hux chuckled a little, taken back, "You do know we're going to dinner, right?"

You realized what he meant, "People wear leather at dinner sometimes, I'm sure."

Hux couldn't help but actually laugh at that. He leaned back in his seat and stared at you wistfully. You did the same with him.

He had bags under his eyes, you noticed a few new wrinkles on his forehead as well. He looked stressed, more stressed than you'd ever seen him look.

And you had definitely never worn something like this to dinner before. Usually, you tried to wear something nice but something that would blend in, not wanting extra attention from any of the men that Hux was meeting up with. Clearly, that wasn't the case now.

Suddenly, it dawned on the both of you in that moment how different the two of you were becoming. You hardly recognized each other. Neither of you said it out loud but there was a clear tension in the air after this realization. The two of you both knew your relationship was hanging on by a fine thread, everything was changing.

"How long has it been since we've gone out together?" Hux asked you. His tone was soft, almost sad. He used to take you out on dates all the time, you barely had a moment alone because he always had something planned to try and romance you. But recently, you'd go days without even talking to him.

"I don't know." You shrugged, just as sadly as him. His question forced you to think about memories with him, of nights when you were so happy to be with him. It was so different now, so much more complicated.

You felt like you had been asleep for the past year and only woke up when Kylo came back. You had been so complacent with Hux, thinking that he was the best you could do. Now, you knew better. It was sad to you that Hux didn't have this same awareness, he was still holding onto you, hoping it would just fix itself and this would become the perfect relationship.

For a few moments, the only sounds that could be heard was the radio playing quietly in the background and the cars driving past the one you were in.

"What are you doing Thursday night?" Hux asked you, breaking the silence.

You frowned, knowing he was going to ask you to do something with him. "I might have plans." You lied, you didn't have anything.

"Cancel them." Hux said and when you looked at him he was smiling at you. "I want to take you somewhere, where ever you want. Like we used to."

Your stomach twisted in guilt. You didn't like when he was nice to you, it made this harder. "Okay." You agreed, trying to show him that you appreciated it but you just felt so bad. You knew that Kylo would want you to go on the date, it would give you more opportunities to learn things about Hux's plan. But this was far from easy for you, you just wanted it to go away. 

Soon, the two of you pulled up to the restaurant. You weren't sure if you'd ever been to this one before or not, they all started to blur after a while. They were all the same pretty much, pretentious and expensive. The food was usually decent even if it could be overly fancy at times, so at least that.

After Hux told the hostess who he was, she quickly ushered you to the private room in the back, asking a few too many times if there was anything she could get you two. It always made you feel bad when you'd go to public places like this, the workers had to be on their best behavior and you knew that they probably felt the stress of having to serve mafia members, you wouldn't want to do it either.

The private room had a few tables set up and a bar in the corner. It was probably used for parties, things like birthdays or rehearsal dinners. But, really, this was just a weekday for your group. You supposed everyday was a celebration when you were doing things as dangerous as you all were. There were probably around fifteen people there besides the two of you, mostly couples.

You couldn't help the way your eyes quickly scanned the room, you knew who you were looking for.

And there he was, leaning against the bar in a conversation with two other men. Kylo was clearly the one in charge, they were both turned to face him and he was speaking in a way that made it seem like he might even be giving them orders. One hand on a glass of whiskey and the other hand gesturing as he spoke, expensive watch and rings glistening in the low lighting.

You could stare at him for hours. Everything about him was so attractive to you...You were snapped out of your daydream of being on your knees in front of him right now, by Hux putting a hand on your lower back.

"You've met the Carters before, haven't you, honey?" He asked you in that voice that you hated, the fake one he put on when you had company. The smile on your face was just as insincere as his voice was as you looked at the older couple standing in front of the two of you.

"Oh yeah, I think so." You lied. You had no idea who these people were but there was a possibility that you'd met them before, who knew?

The three of them started talking about something that you didn't really care about. You gave input when necessary, but really you were just there to listen and nod. You let your eyes go back to the bar, where Kylo was still standing.

When you spotted him, you paused when you realized he was already staring directly at you. He was still speaking to the men next to him but his eyes didn't leave you, you were his main focus. When he saw that you were looking at him as well, he smirked and winked at you. 

It made you weak in the knees and you had to remind yourself where you were so that you didn't crumple to the ground. You looked away from him quickly, not wanting anything else to effect you in the way that just had. But you bit your lip to hide your own smirk, letting him know that you enjoyed it.

You and Hux continued make your way around the room to converse with a few other people. The whole time your eyes kept going back to Kylo, to see what he was doing. It felt so weird to be the closest you've ever been to him emotionally but have to pretend that you weren't. In everyone else's eyes, you barely knew each other.

The conversation that Kylo was having with the men somehow made its way from a business deal, to you, one of them glancing around and catching your eye.

"Jesus, she's gorgeous, isn't she?" The man said, motioning towards you from across the room.

Kylo's hand tightened around his glass. It didn't make him jealous to hear someone else compliment you (in fact, a part of him liked it) but it did make him tense as he thought about how much he'd love to have you on his arm instead of having to see you on Hux's. He wanted everyone to know that you belonged to him.

He noticed the way Hux had his hand on your lower back, his thumb rubbing you there soothingly. It made Kylo want to push him away from you. It should be his hands on you, not that asshole's.

The other man made a noise of agreement, "Hux is one lucky bastard."

Kylo swallowed the rest of the liquor in his cup in a single drink. Hux wasn't lucky, Kylo was lucky, he thought to himself bitterly. He was the one who had you, not Hux. "Excuse me." He told the other men under his breath, moving away from them before he revealed anything about what was really going on.

When you and Hux got to the bar, you were practically shaking from how close you were to Kylo now. You weren't sure how great of an actress you were going to be able to be once he started talking to you in front of your boyfriend.

You didn't have much time to contemplate it because out of the corner of your eye, you saw him approaching the two of you. Of course. It was impossible for this man to mind his own business.

"Hux." Kylo greeted him with a short nod, a scowl on his face, accentuating the scar running down his skin.

"Ren." Hux mirrored him stiffly. He instantly got the attention of the bartender, needing a drink to deal with the man standing next to you.

Kylo said your name now to greet you, though his tone was gentler. When you met his eyes you noticed the way that they were dancing over you, getting a rush from being in this situation with you.

"Hi." You said to him, having to look away from his gaze because you weren't sure if you'd be able to stop yourself from acting like a giddy teenager to be this close to him and keep everything a secret.

Kylo noticed this and you could see a strained smirk on his face, trying to hold himself back. His mind flashed to how he had his hands and lips all over you in the elevator on the way here. "You look nice tonight." He told you in the most casual voice he could manage.

You tried but you couldn't stop yourself from letting out a laugh at that. Nice was the last word Kylo would ever use to describe you if the two of you were alone.

Hux hadn't heard Kylo's compliment because he had been ordering the two of you drinks but when he heard your laughter, his head snapped towards the two of you. He almost stepped in and told Kylo to back off but then he remembered his instructions for you, to get Kylo to trust you. He frowned to himself, this was all part of his plan, after all, but that didn't mean he liked it.

"Oh, is that a joke to you? Would you rather me say something more meaningful?" Kylo asked you, a hint of mischief in his tone. As much as he loved when you were confident and in control, it did turn him on to know how easily he could make you squirm.

You couldn't look at him, you would either laugh more or give something else away. You gratefully reached for the drink that the bartender set in front of you, "A little bit." You managed to say in a normal way before taking a long sip from the wine glass.

"What's so funny?" Hux cut in, wrapping an arm around your waist so that he could stand next to you, facing Kylo.

Kylo ignored the man's question, his gaze on the drink in your hand. "I thought you didn't like that kind of wine." He said, remembering the way you had mentioned it to him before.

You didn't know what to say. You glanced at Hux and gave him a sheepish smile, "I do like it, it's fine." You assured him. Really, you would drink whatever you could get your hands on at the moment but it was far from your favorite, it wasn't anything you'd pick out on your own. You had mentioned it in passing to Kylo, you were surprised he remembered. Hux knew it too at some point, he must've just forgotten.

Kylo's eyes narrowed a little at the way you were trying to defend Hux's choice. Of course, that was what you were supposed to do. He wanted you to act like you were still dating him. But seeing it right in front of him drove him crazy. "You shouldn't settle for less, you know." He said simply before giving a nod in 'goodbye'. Clearly, he was talking about more than the wine.

Hux watched him as he walked away, his grip on your waist tightened during this and only let up when you winced and shifted in pain.

"Sorry." He sighed, gently rubbing the spot he'd just grabbed too hard. "I just can't wait until he's gone." Hux said, referencing Kylo.

Your heart sped up and you nodded, "Yeah, can't wait." You agreed half heartedly. 

You were excited to see multiple tables set up, you assumed Kylo would choose somewhere far from you to sit to keep the risk low, but alas, it was Kylo. So he decided to take a seat directly across from you. Your table consisted of you, Hux, Kylo and two couples who you didn't know very well.

When Kylo took a seat at your table, Hux immediately stood up, wanting to go somewhere else. He scowled after scanning the room, there were no open spots.

"Going somewhere?" Kylo asked with a cocky grin.

Hux gave him a pointed look before sighing and taking his seat again. "I guess not." He mumbled in an irritated way.

You put a gentle hand on his when he sat back down into his seat, as if to calm him down. He got worked up a lot easier than Kylo did and you didn't want any problems right now, you were going to try and keep the peace to the best of your abilities, to save your own ass at least.

Kylo's eyes went straight to your touch on Hux's hand and his jaw clenched. He thought he'd be able to handle this but now he wasn't so sure, he didn't like everyone else seeing the two of you together like this. He wanted to claim you.

Hux gave you a grateful smile, patting your hand before pulling his away. "I'm alright, honey." He said in a low voice. He thought you were loyal to him. He had no idea.

Kylo's eyes were dark on yours, letting you know that he didn't appreciate seeing that open affection from you to Hux. He grabbed for the knife on the table in front of him and absentmindedly twirled it around in his fingers while keeping eye contact with you. If anyone were to see him they would think that he was just fidgeting, but you knew better. It was a threat, to you or to Hux, you weren't sure. But regardless, you felt the pressure of it.

This made you nervous but also made butterflies form in your stomach, thinking about the possibility of him taking this aggression out on you later. You found yourself smirking at him, raising an eyebrow. He was jealous and honestly, you liked it.

Seeing your ego grow at his reaction, made him even more annoyed. He raised his eyebrow right back at you, though his wasn't done in a smug way, more so in a way that said, 'are you sure you want to do this?'.

You wanted to take the challenge, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from grinning the way that you wanted to. You were so used to Kylo being the one in control, there was something addicting about the power that you were currently holding over him, sitting across from him with your boyfriend.

"So, Armie, I think I decided where I want to go for our date on Thursday." You said to him. The table was small enough that Kylo could easily hear you speaking at a normal volume. Which was what you wanted, for Kylo to hear everything.

Kylo leaned in blatantly, wanting to hear the entire conversation, his hand still gripping the knife.

"Oh really?" Hux asked with a smile, surprised that you had been thinking about it. "Where to?" He glanced around the table, wondering if anyone else was listening. He wanted them to think your relationship was perfect and this was an easy way to achieve that. Sadly for him, Kylo was the only one paying attention.

"How about that one restaurant we went to...with that food I really liked?" You wrapped your hands around Hux's arm, moving in close to him. You talked in a low volume so that the entire table didn't hear but you knew Kylo was hanging on your every word. "You remember the one, right? When you looked so good that we couldn't even make it home and we had to start making out in the car? I was all over you." You had your mouth right by his ear now.

Hux inhaled sharply, face heating up. His hand went to your knee, as if to steady himself. It had been a long time since you'd been this openly sexual with him. It made him happy but it also took him by surprise, especially considering the setting. He wasn't going to argue with it though, it made him feel more confident. "I remember." He said to you with a grin, thinking back to the memory. "You made the driver take the long way home because you liked the idea of us getting caught." He reminisced, thinking you were the only one listening.

You were glad Hux was playing along, it helped you. "I think he did end up catching us, didn't he? When I got on your lap-"

Suddenly, hearing those words, Kylo stabbed the sharp end of the knife into the surface of table with a loud bang. It caused everyone at the table to jump and look at him and he gave them a shrug in return. "Hand slipped." He said tightly, his eyes never leaving yours.

He knew what you were doing now. You were teasing him, dangling this in front of him because you knew he couldn't do anything about it. As much as it genuinely annoyed him, he couldn't deny the way that it turned him on. You were such a brat.

"Are you okay?" You asked him slyly, staring at the way the knife was now sticking straight into the table.

He gripped the handle of it and yanked it out from the wood, in a single easy motion. "I'm fine." He said to you. His eyes said a different story. They were far from fine, they were pissed.

The thought of what he would do with you once you weren't in public made you sweat in the best way possible.

There was some laughter and commotion at the other end of the table before one of the men spoke up, "Okay fine, Kylo, settle this bet for us".

Kylo raised an eyebrow, telling him to continue. The irritation on his face from the stunt you just pulled was still apparent.

"You have a girl waiting for you at home, right?" The man asked with a laugh. "You never bring anyone to these events but you can't be spending all your time alone...Come on, you're Kylo Ren."

The other man at the table nodded in agreement. "My bet was that you have too many to choose from and his bet was that you don't bring her here because you're nervous we'd scare her away."

Kylo's eyes briefly went to you again before moving away. "I have a girl...It's complicated."

Your heart sped up, knowing he was talking about you. 'Please don't be obvious', you thought yourself.

"Complicated? What does that mean?" One of the men asked in surprise, it didn't seem like Kylo to waste his time on a relationship that took work, he had enough women throwing themselves at him.

Kylo nodded, letting him know that they heard him correctly. "Well, she's probably the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. She's actually really smart and she makes me laugh which is hard to do..." You were in shock, you never really heard him compliment you like this outside of sex. You squeezed your hand into a fist to stop yourself from smiling as big as you wanted to.

"But she's a bitch." Kylo added, his eyes landing back on you for a second. He wasn't going to let you get away with how jealous you were making him.

You openly let your jaw drop at that as the entire table broke out into laughter.

The men he'd been originally talking to made some sexist jokes about how 'the pretty ones always are' but you weren't really listening. You were plotting ways to slap Kylo in the face without anyone noticing.

Did he really think that you bringing up a memory of you and Hux getting it on in the backseat of his car was the worst you could do? He underestimated how much of a bitch you could really be.

"I didn't know you have a girlfriend." Hux said to Kylo, narrowing his eyes at him. Really, Kylo's romance life shouldn't concern Hux but he hated realizing he didn't know everything about the man across from him. He shot a look at you in irritation, you should've figured that out before now if you were really going through with his plan of finding things out about him.

Kylo noticed the way Hux looked at you, "I wouldn't call her a girlfriend." He assured him, not wanting Hux to start questioning your loyalty to him. Honestly, Kylo didn't consider you his secret girlfriend, you were much more than that.

Hux hummed in thought, he'd ask you what you knew about that later, "She must be a saint to put up with you."

"Hardly." Kylo responded, his eyes back on you now as he thought about all of the dirty things you've done with him. Definitely far from an angel.

Waiters came to your table to get orders from everyone and Kylo's eyes only briefly moved away from you to hand the waiter his menu.

You glanced at Hux and saw that he was talking to the man on his left, while everyone else was preoccupied in their own conversations or in the appetizers that were sitting out on the table. You and Kylo were the only ones paying attention to each other.

You took a sip from your glass, purposefully doing so in a way that made a few drops of liquid spill out, running down from your chin to your chest, settling along your cleavage. You made sure Kylo was watching while you ran two fingers down from your lips to the skin of your breasts to collect the wine that had gotten there. Then while keeping eye contact with him you brought the fingers back up, letting them enter your mouth to suck the liquid from them.

Kylo was watching you intently, chest visibly rising and falling. For a moment, he even forgot that you pissed him off because he was so entranced with what you were doing. But then he saw the smug look on your face and that irritation entered his body again. You were really trying to push him, weren't you?

"Careful, princess." Kylo said reflexively, not even thinking about where was in the moment. He was too preoccupied with his frustration towards you.

You froze and Hux snapped his head towards the two of you, catching that slip of his tongue.

"What did you just call her?" Hux asked, shifting in his seat as if he were ready to stand up if he needed to.

Kylo didn't seem phased by his accident, in fact he seemed pretty pleased about it, seeing how quickly it had pissed Hux off. "Oh," he shrugged, "I called her princess." He said with a sly grin.

You sent him a look that said, 'you've got to be kidding me'.

The other people at the table started noticing that an argument was taking place and they were tense as well. Everyone started thinking back to what happened at the last dinner, when Hux had punched Kylo and Kylo slammed his face against the table.

"If I hear you call her that again, I won't hesitate to finish what we started before." Hux hissed, referencing that dinner that was on everyone's mind.

This made Kylo even happier, seeing how much he was working him up. He had no problem finishing the fight, he knew that he'd win. "Oh, go ahead, hit me." Kylo taunted him, "I would love to beat the shit out of you in front of your girlfriend...What do you say, princess? Wanna watch me break your boyfriend's nose?" He was looking at you so smugly you almost wanted to beat his ass yourself. But you couldn't deny how much it turned you on as well to see him so in control.

Hux stood up abruptly, ready to defend himself at those words. Kylo stayed in his seat, looking up at him in excitement.

"Okay, stop. This is stupid." You intervened, grabbing Hux's hand to try and calm him down before he could try to reach across the table to hit him.

Hux lightly shook you off but visibly calmed down as he took his seat, not wanting to embarrass himself front of everyone that was beginning to watch the interaction. As tough as he wanted to pretend to be, he knew that he wouldn't win a fight against Kylo. It was an empty threat.

The two men were staring daggers at each other, Hux was angry while Kylo was pleased.

"Do we need to separate you two?" Someone jokingly yelled from a different table across the room, hearing the commotion.

You were so irritated with Kylo. You knew that he enjoyed pissing Hux off but he was putting you in danger by being so open about something like a nickname for you. You weren't in charge of anyone, you had the least amount of power here and you were reminded of that every time that your heart sped up at the possibility of Hux finding out you were going behind his back.

Hux glanced around and made sure that no one was staring at them anymore but he leaned closer to Kylo so he could talk in a low voice. "Don't talk to my girlfriend like you know her, you know nothing about her."

Well, that was clearly projection.

Kylo laughed out loud, unable to help himself but didn't respond to that. Everything that he wanted to say would blow your cover. Really, he wanted to say, 'At least, I know how to make her cum, can you say the same?' but he knew that wasn't an option. In reality, he knew you so much better than Hux ever could, inside and outside of sex.

As you watched him lazily smirk to himself as he ordered an other drink from the waiter, you couldn't help but smirk a little yourself as the gears turned in your head.

You moved closer to Hux, wrapping your hands around his arm again so that you were up against his side. "You look so sexy when you're mad." You told him, making sure that Kylo was able to hear that. From the corner of your eye you could see him tense up, you knew just how to piss him off.

Hux's eyes widened, a grin at his lips, the angry frown on his face disappearing. It had been a long time since you spoke to him like this. Although he should be questioning where this new found affection was coming from, in Hux's mind he chose not to think about it, enjoying it too much. "Really?" He asked you, obviously wanting you to keep talking like this.

You nodded and as you did so, you managed to discreetly kick your high heel off under the table, leaving it on the ground. Then you moved your leg forward so that your foot was pressed against Kylo's knee. You didn't need to look over at him to see his reaction, he physically shifted at the contact. You could feel his eyes on you.

You nodded at Hux's question, "It's really hot that you stood up for me." You said leaning in closer to him. While you did this, you slid your foot higher up on Kylo's leg, settling in his inner thigh.

With a smile, Hux got the hint and closed the gap, pressing his lips against yours. While continuing to kiss Hux, you moved your foot in a slow motion against Kylo's thigh, teasing him.

Kylo wanted to snap your leg in half. He could hardly watch you be nice to Hux, let alone give him compliments and kiss him.

He noticed the way that your foot rubbing against him was making him hard. It made him almost enjoy watching you make out with Hux in a sick, twisted way. He hated how in control you were right now, you were making his body do things that his mind didn't want.

You moved your head so that you were able to make eye contact with Kylo as you continued to kiss Hux, your foot moving higher up on his leg so that you were fully extended in his direction under the table. The tips of your toes brushed against his hardening length inside of his pants and it caused you to let out a small moan into the kiss, not expecting Kylo to be turned on by this.

Hux thought that you were moaning because of him and he sighed against you, enjoying the amount of attention that you were giving him.

Kylo's eyebrows were tilted in anger, his eyes set on you unwaveringly. He moved his hands down to your foot. With one hand he grasped your ankle to securely hold it in place and with the other hand he ran his palm against his cock, his fingers brushing against your foot as he did so to let you know what he was doing.

You knew the two of you were going too far now. No one had noticed because of how preoccupied they were in their own conversations but if you kept going in this direction, you were going to embarrass yourself.

You pulled away from Hux and gave him a nervous smile, not wanting him to realize that you had just been using him.

It was lost on him, he was beaming. "We'll have to finish that later." He told you.

You went to move your foot away from Kylo but his grip was still on your ankle, holding you in place against his crotch. You widened your eyes at him, wordlessly telling him to let go.

This caused him to smirk, squeezing you tighter until you gasped in pain. He released you when you did that, pushing your foot off of his lap.

"Are you okay?" Kylo asked you mockingly, mirroring the words you'd asked him earlier when he stabbed the knife into the table. If that had hurt you, he was anxious to see how you'd react to everything he was going to do with you later.

You rolled your eyes, putting your heel back on under the table. "I'm fine." You copied him as well. Clearly, you weren't. And neither was he.

Throughout the rest of the dinner, you continued to do everything you could to piss Kylo off and it definitely worked. Asking Hux to feed you bites of his food so that you could try it, giving him compliments, sneakily kissing Hux's neck when no one (besides Kylo) was watching, and making sure that you gave Kylo innocent looks the entire time you did it that you knew would drive him wild.

When everyone was done eating, Kylo quickly pushed away from the table in anger and walked out of the doors without saying goodbye to anyone.

"Must've drank too much." Hux said with a shrug, causing everyone at the table to laugh in agreement. 

________________

It was around one in the morning when Hux had finally left your apartment. You knew it was your fault that you had gotten him all worked up during dinner but having to spend alone time with him without having sex with him proved to be extremely difficult. You had to convince him that you didn't feel good and the only reason he believed you was because you had been so into him at dinner, he couldn't think of a reason you'd be lying.

As Hux left and shut your door behind him, you checked your phone. Six unread messages and two missed calls. All from Kylo:

-9:03 PM: Come to my apartment.

-9:24 PM: Is he with you?

-9:50 PM: Make him leave soon.

-10:36 PM: I'm serious, I'll come over there if I have to.

-11:12 PM: Princess...

-12:56 AM: When you come over, leave your clothes at the door.

You replied:

-1:07 AM: Oops! (angel emoji)

Really, you wanted to laugh at how many times he'd tried to get ahold of you and how annoyed he seemed in the texts but you were sort of nervous. Was he actually mad at you or was this all just a game? You contemplated just going to sleep at your place and pretending you passed out on the couch the next morning but you had a feeling that would only make things worse.

After fixing yourself in the mirror (although you knew Kylo wouldn't notice a difference), you sighed and made your way down the hall to his door. You cautiously knocked but didn't hear a response. He had to be awake, he sent that last text not too long ago. You tried the handle and it was open.

"Kylo?" You called out, glancing around. He was nowhere to be seen in his living room or kitchen and the lights were mainly off besides a dim floor lamp in the corner. "Kyyyyylo." You called out in a sing song voice, trying to get his attention. Then your eyes went to his bedroom door. 

It was open and the lights that were coming out from it were red.

"You better be naked." You heard Kylo's voice from inside of his room yell out to you.

You paused, remembering his request. You hesitated. You were nervous now. You could just walk right out of the door, but deep down you knew you didn't want that. You wanted him.

You were shaking slightly as you pulled your clothes off, letting them sit in a pile by his front door. Sometimes you forgot who Kylo really was. But in this moment, you were very aware of the fact that he was indeed a powerful and feared mob boss. You were scared of him right now.

Your feet slowly shuffled from the front door to his bedroom door, your arms around your breasts as if to hide them away. You felt so exposed.

When you got to his open door, you inhaled sharply at what you saw.

As you were able to see from the living room, the lights in Kylo's room were shining red, leaving everything covered in the hue. He was lazily sitting on a large chair in the corner of the room, legs spread. He was wearing all black, gloves and shoes. He was almost completely covered with clothing which directly contrasted how naked you were in the moment.

"Hands and knees." He told you simply, pointing to the ground in front of where you were standing. The look on his face was deadly serious, eyebrows set in a fine line.

You didn't move for a moment, processing everything. Then when it clicked, you slowly moved down to the floor, onto your hands and knees. This was embarrassing, you thought. You looked up at him, what did he want you to do now?

"Crawl." He instructed you, using his gloved fingers to motion towards him. "To me."

You couldn't look at him as you started crawling towards him, hating the way that it was turning you on to be in such an exposed condition in front of him. When your eyes on the floor saw his shiny black designer shoes in front of you, you knew that you were where you needed to be.

"Look at me." Kylo said in a low voice that caused a shiver to run up your naked spine.

It took you a few seconds to gather the courage but you slowly raised your head to look up at him, swallowing hard at how much more menacing he was when he was in this position over you, his feet on either side of you.

He sat in silence for what seemed like several minutes, letting you grow uneasy under his gaze. He looked down his nose at you, the glint in his eyes telling you that he was disappointed, angry. "You've been a very, very bad girl for me tonight."

"I'm sorry." You said, with a hint of a smile, thinking back on how bad you really had been. 'Oops (angel emoji)', was right.

Kylo scowled at the smile on your face and he bent down towards you, his elbows resting on his knees. "I'm sorry, who?"

You frowned, biting your lip. "I'm sorry, daddy." You corrected yourself.

Without saying a word, Kylo leaned forward more so that he could land a harsh slap to your ass, making you jump in surprise and pain.

"That would be the right thing to say...except I'm not your daddy tonight." Kylo settled back into his original position, looking down at you. "Daddy takes care of you, he looks out for you, he wants to make you feel good." He explained, flexing his gloved hand while he spoke, "You don't deserve daddy tonight."

You visibly pouted, unsure if you liked where this was going.

"Tonight, I'm not your daddy and you're not my good girl. You aren't even my bad girl." Kylo leaned down again and grabbed your chin so that you were staring up at him, "Tonight, you're my slave. I'm going to use you." He explained with a growl, his grip on you tightening. "I'm going to fuck you and hurt you however I want to because it's what you deserve."

Your arms felt weak at his words, not expecting him to say that. You opened your mouth to respond but you had no idea how to.

Really, Kylo knew that you'd never been fucked in the way that he was about to fuck you and he liked that fact. Seeing you all over Hux gave him the urge to claim you, to take something from you that Hux could never have. He wanted to show you how much better he was than your current boyfriend, how weak he could make you.

"You'll call me sir or Kylo and that's it." He explained, keeping his fingers on your chin. "Do you understand?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"Yes, sir." You said quickly, wanting to show him that you could keep up with what he was saying.

Kylo released his grip at that, slapping you on the face with a sound of approval. "Do you remember that word we talked about?" He asked you.

Your mind raced, it was hard for you to focus because your heart was thumping so hard. You thought back to the night before when he started getting rougher with you:

"We need a safeword." Kylo grunted as he pulled your hair.

"Yeah, right. I don't need one." You argued with him with a cocky grin.

Kylo rolled his eyes as he pounded into you from behind, yes you did. "Red. If you want me to stop, you have to say 'red', okay?" He attached his lips to your neck.

"Okay." You agreed, moaning, it didn't take much for him to convince you.

"Red?" You asked him, nodding, you remembered.

Kylo had to bite his tongue to keep himself from reflexively saying 'good girl' to your correct response. "You might want to remember it tonight." He warned you, which made you swallow hard.

There had been many times when Kylo had hurt you during sex before or said things to you that could be seen as 'too far' by some people's standards. But you never had a problem with either, you were scared to even wonder about what might be different about tonight.

He hadn't said anything for a while, instead he was just sitting back and studying you. Seeing how long it would take for you to crack in the position that you were in, on all fours in front of him. He reached for his glass of whiskey that was sitting on the table next to him and took a long sip from it, relaxed. He was just enjoying the show, really.

On the other hand, you were shaking, trying to look everywhere but into his eyes. You tried shifting your weight, your knees starting to hurt from supporting yourself on his hardwood floor. He was making you so nervous. You were once again reminded of who he was. A mob boss. That's why he was so good at making you feel small and weak because that's what he did every day to those he needed to intimidate or had wronged him. You were like a toy to him right now, he was using you for entertainment. Just like he used all the people he'd interrogated and tortured in the past.

"Are you thirsty, slut?" His voice rang out in the otherwise silent room.

You almost laughed out loud at the randomness of the question but then you saw the look on his face. He wasn't finding it funny in the slightest. You didn't reply to him, you didn't know how he wanted you to answer.

Kylo then leaned forward so that he could move his glass into the air next to you. Then, he tilted it so that some of the liquid fell out and splashed against the floor, leaving a small puddle next to where your hand was resting. "Clean it up." He told you, his eyes set on you.

You looked at him with wide eyes, clean it up? "What?"

Kylo didn't give you instructions, instead he put his hand on the back of your head and guided it down towards the floor.

You gasped, realizing what he wanted you to do. Lick it up from the ground. Your skin burned in embarrassment as he continued to move your face closer to it. You clamped your mouth shut tightly, not wanting to give into it.

"I said," Kylo's grip on your hair tightened, holding the weight of your head up by it, "Clean it up." He then released your head with a push towards the ground, putting you right next to it.

This was humiliating, you thought. But a part of you was burning inside at the shamefulness of it. Kylo was the only one who could make you do this. You knew that was why he was even doing it in the first place, he wanted to remind you how much control he had over you after all of the stunts you pulled at dinner.

You took a deep breath to build up the confidence before you stuck your tongue out and hesitantly licked up the liquor that he'd spilled on the ground, making a small noise of distaste at the way it burned your tongue.

Kylo was intently watching you from above, pulse quickening. He knew that this was something you would never even entertain the idea of doing for anyone but him. It was the ultimate way for him to get back at Hux in his mind, he would never be able to do this with you like Kylo could. He was getting so hard at the thought of you being so submissive to him but refused to touch himself, not wanting to give you the satisfaction of it. It was so difficult for him not to praise you and tell you how good you were doing.

You looked up at him expectantly, nervous to hear what his next directions would be.

Kylo said nothing, instead he moved his leg so that his shoe was in front of your vision on the ground. "You missed some." He said to you evenly.

He was right, there were a few small drops of whiskey that had splashed up from the floor and onto the top part of his shoe.

You looked back up at him with a frown, thinking of how embarrassing it would be to have to put your mouth on his shoes just because he told you to. You contemplated if this was too far or not, weighing your options. You could say the safe word right now and end it. Or you could do exactly what Kylo wanted you to do and prove to him how much he owned you, how far you've given into him. The thought of how happy the second one would make Kylo made your stomach flutter.

Shifting so that you could bend down at the right angle, you slowly lowered yourself to hover right above his shoe. Your arms were slightly trembling from holding yourself but you were able to lean in a way where you were resting on your forearms, your ass in the air, to alleviate some of the pressure.

Making eye contact with Kylo, you slowly let your tongue run along the leather of his shoe, gathering up the liquor that was collected there.

Kylo had been attempting to stay complacent and straight faced throughout all of this so that you didn't think he was enjoying it. But he couldn't help himself from letting out a low groan at seeing you in such a vulnerable and embarrassing position, all because he asked you to. The best part was that he could tell a part of you enjoyed it as well.

When you were finished, he bent down and tangled his fingers in your hair again, pulling you up onto your knees. "Come here." He instructed you, settling back in his seat so that you had to shuffle on your knees to keep up with him, moving in between his legs so that you were face to face.

Kylo patiently waited for you to make eye contact with him, you were too embarrassed at first. When you were finally looking at him, you saw the way his mouth was set in a straight line but his eyes were dancing, pleased with you. 

"You're a dirty," He moved his grip to your neck, "fucking", he moved his face close to yours, "whore" He finished, tightening his hand around your throat. "And you should be ashamed of yourself." He said to you in a growl.

You whimpered and at the small noise you made, Kylo sighed in pleasure before crashing his lips down against yours harshly. The kiss was short but intense, his tongue invading your mouth and forcefully exploring, tasting the whiskey and leather.

When Kylo pulled away, he looked you over. You thought that he was just adding to the humiliation of all of this by studying you but in his mind, he was making sure that you were still doing okay. He knew that you might be too proud to actually use the word that he came up with for you so it wasn't lost on him that he might have to keep an eye out for signs that you wanted it to stop.

But right now, with the way that you were staring at him with wide expectant eyes and rubbing your thighs together, he had a pretty good idea that you were ready for more.

"I want you bent over the side of my bed." He said to you, squeezing your neck before releasing you so that you could do what he asked.

You instinctively put your hands on his knees to help you stand up on your own feet but Kylo moved them away from your grip quickly, causing you to stumble.

"I didn't say you could touch me, whore." He said to you, acting as if he were disgusted with having your touch on him. In reality, the feeling of your small hands grasping at his large knees made his breathing shallow.

You ignored his comment, trying your best to steady yourself so that you could stand up but it was difficult after being in that position for such a long time.

"I didn't tell you to stand either. Crawl to the bed. It's what you deserve."

You took a deep breath of frustration before slowly lowering yourself back onto your hands and knees. You turned and started crawling over to his bed across the room, wincing as you did so. Your knees had to be bruised by now, they stung so badly and the pressure in your wrists were starting to get to you too.

"Ow, fuck." You muttered yourself. You glanced up at the bed and saw it wasn't too far away. You could make it, you thought. You didn't want to give Kylo the satisfaction of asking if you could stand up.

"Did you say something?" Kylo drawled out in a bored tone. He was sitting the same position that he had been in when you first came in. Commanding and powerful in his chair in the corner. 

You froze, did you just break a rule? You couldn't remember, your mind was all over the place. "Um... ow fuck, sir?" You corrected yourself with a shrug.

Kylo was thankful that your back was turned towards him because there was no stopping the grin that made it's way onto his lips hearing you say that. He didn't say anything, in fear that if he did you would be able to hear the laughter in his voice if he did. He was always so serious and it never failed to amuse him that you were comedic no matter the situation. He almost envied you for that.

You reached the bed and shakily stood up, thankful to be off of your knees. You sighed in relief as you bent over the side of the mattress, resting your arms.

The sound of Kylo's footsteps pounded in a steady rhythm as he made his way over to you. When he reached you, he simply stood right behind you and stared at you, "Spread your legs, let me see that filthy cunt."

You inhaled at the word, he'd never used it before and it sounded so good coming from his mouth. You obeyed, scooting your feet so that your legs were farther apart. The side of your face was against the mattress, putting your weight there instead of on your sore wrists so your stare was set on the wall next to you, at the bare darkness of it glowing in the red lights of the room.

Kylo's moved towards you now and you jumped when you felt his gloved fingers run along your slit. He wasn't touching you to give you any pleasure, his touch was there to test you. "I knew you'd be wet." He told you with a sneer. He then moved his fingers against you quicker, "God, can you hear how wet you are, you fucking slut?"

You could hear the sounds of your wetness. You gulped in embarrassment, shutting your eyes.

Kylo's erection was straining against his pants, begging for some sort of release. He moved his hand up to your mouth and you knew what to do, opening it and sucking yourself off of his fingers that had just been rubbing against you.

"Remember what I called you at dinner?" Kylo asked, sticking his fingers farther down your throat, making you gag.

You couldn't respond and Kylo smirked a little at that realization, you were choking on him. He pulled out from your mouth, then looked down at you expectantly.

You gasped for air, "P-Princess?" You coughed out, you were thankful he didn't make you need to puke just then.

Kylo rolled his eyes, feigning irritation. His hand came down and slapped your ass, causing you to take a deep breath of surprise.

"That's not what I'm talking about." He said, pretending to be bored. He moved down so that he was closer to you, "I called you a bitch."

You remembered now, how he had described the girl he was seeing as a bitch and made the entire table laugh. You had been so mad at him for it. And you still were but this time you didn't have the power of teasing him across the table, now you were completely at his mercy.

"Because you are a bitch." Kylo continued, his fingers going back in between your legs. He didn't place his fingers inside but hovered just at the entrance. He noticed the way that you were moving your hips, trying to get him inside of you. He didn't let you, moving his other hand up to hold your hips in place.

"You're my bitch." Kylo growled, his fingers on your skin pinching you to hold you down.

Despite yourself, his words made you moan out loud which made Kylo grit his teeth in approval.

"Say it." Kylo instructed you in a stern tone, his hand on your hip moved to press down on your back, pinning you against his bed.

You let out a nose of dismissal, not wanting to admit that.

Kylo then abruptly stuck two fingers inside of you without any warning.

You gasped at first, not expecting it, but broke into a moan, enjoying how good he felt inside of you.

"Come on, tell me." Kylo moved his fingers inside of you at a fast pace, knowing exactly how to stroke your inner walls while doing so but also not letting you get used to the length like he normally did. His other hand now wrapped around your neck, pulling you up so that you were resting on your forearms again.

"Say, 'I'm Kylo Ren's bitch'."He hissed into your ear, his voice wavering at the way that he was pumping in and out of you aggressively.

Your moan came out like a whine, you were trying so hard to not give into him but the way he was touching you was making you put your guard down. "I-I..." You trailed off, stopping yourself.

Kylo grunted in disappointment and then forcefully added a third finger inside of you, continuing the motion in and out of you.

"If you weren't my bitch, I wouldn't be able to fill you up like this, your pussy just fucking takes my fingers like it was made for them." Kylo squeezed your neck and nibbled your ear as his mouth pressed up against it, "You can do it. Say it to me. Tell me who you are."

You moaned even louder now, grasping at the sheets underneath you. It was too much, you had to give in. "Oh god... I'm Kylo Ren's bitch." You said in a shaky voice. You were so ashamed by admitting that out loud but deep down it turned you on, being so submissive to him.

Kylo let himself groan at that, shutting his eyes and taking in how hot it was to hear you say that out loud. Then, he released his grip on your neck, pushing you forward so that you fell against the bed. He then also removed his fingers from inside of you suddenly which made you sigh in frustration, you didn't want him to stop and he knew that.

"Don't fucking move." He told you in a rushed tone. He had been calculated before, wanting to keep up the facade of being disappointed in you but now his arousal was making it hard to keep the act up. He was being fueled by how turned on he was, his mind going back to how angry he'd been with you for being a brat at dinner and just wanting to destroy you now. He thought about how you had looked all over Hux and it made him want to kill someone.

You tried to move your head to see where he was going, hearing his heavy footsteps against the floor. But it was hard to see, he was digging around in his closet that was behind you and the only way you'd be able to look at him would be to get back up on your hands and you weren't sure if you had the strength for it after everything he was doing to you.

You were shaking again when you heard him making his way back to you. You were terrified of him right now. He was right, this wasn't the Kylo you were used to. This wasn't daddy, this was a mob boss and you really were his bitch right now,.

You heard him moving behind you and then there was a loud 'smack' against your ass. You could tell it definitely wasn't his hand that had just struck you, even with his gloves on, this felt different.

At your noise of confusion, he held what he had in his hand, out in front of you so you could see it.

It was a paddle. Black and leather. And when he flipped it around you saw that it had something written on it in indented letters: 'REN'.

You looked from the item in his hands up to his face with a shocked expression. He was already staring down at you, an almost amused look on his face. He was so concentrated on your reactions, gauging whether you were into this or not.

"I've been thinking..." He started, jaw clenching as he stared down his nose at you. "I told you not to let anyone fuck you besides me...But you're such a whore, I'm not sure if you'll be able to control yourself when I'm not here watching you, keeping you in line."

At that, he grabbed your thigh, pulling at it so that it was propped up on the bed, leaving you to stand on just one leg. Kylo then smacked the paddle against your thigh, hard enough for you to jump but not hard enough to sting badly.

You stared at the spot where he had just smacked you, watching the way that it left faint letters behind on your skin : 'REN'. You could tell that it wouldn't last long, it was the same amount of impact as his slaps always were but you had a feeling he wasn't stopping there.

"See that?" Kylo asked you breathlessly, letting his fingers run along the raised word on your flesh, shivering at how much he liked the way it looked. "That's my name." He moved in close to your face, forehead practically touching yours. "Because you're mine. I own you."

You moaned, biting your lip as you realized how much this turned you on. You were so ashamed, letting someone have this much power over you. But there was something so relieving and comforting about it. You were able to forget about the million things that were on your mind and just let Kylo take control and remind you that he could take care of you.

Kylo kept his face close to yours, "I'm going to mark you with my name so that if your pathetic boyfriend even thinks about getting you naked, he'll see who you belong to. Do you understand?" He growled.

You nodded quickly, "Yes sir." Looking into his eyes like this you knew that he could make you do anything.

You could've sworn you noticed a hint of a smile on Kylo's lips before he turned his head away from you, hiding it. He pulled your knee back from the bed so that your foot was resting on the ground again, bent back over the side of the mattress.

"I want to leave one that will last awhile in case you wander off without me. Whoever finds you needs to know where to return you." Kylo's hand was all over your back and ass and thighs, as if trying to find the best place for him to put it.

His hand settled on one of your ass cheeks, squeezing it before grunting in approval, finding where he wanted it. "It's gonna really fucking hurt." He told you, letting out a dark chuckle.

You swallowed hard at that. If he was saying it would hurt, that must mean it really was going to. You thought back to that word, red, should you use it? You glanced over your shoulder so you could look at him.

You saw Kylo, shifting the paddle in his hand as he stared at you, trying to read your reaction. "Are you ready?" He asked you. His face was still stuck in that same bored, disappointed position but his tone was softer than before. It was his way of reminding you that you had a choice here.

You thought about it then weakly nodded. "Yes, Kylo." You could handle some pain and some humiliation. What you couldn't handle was the idea that Kylo might be questioning your loyalty to him, you wanted to show him your commitment.

"Straight ahead, you don't get to look at me." Kylo told you, pointing to the wall in front of you. 

You gulped and did as he said, though you had to put your face against the mattress instead of looking straight due to the way your neck was bent.

You felt Kylo's gentle hand, covered in leather, caress you lightly. He was doing it on purpose, trying to build suspense for what was about to come. You wiggled your fingers in anticipation, sniffling against the blanket underneath you.

Kylo watched the way you were squirming and it made him smirk deeply. It wasn't lost on him how much trust you were giving him right now and he really did appreciate it. You would've never done this for him when he first met you. It made him feel proud that he had been able to earn your trust.

But it also made him even more pissed off to think about the way you were kissing Hux's neck and hanging on his arm in front of him...The way that everyone there kept telling you how cute of a couple you two were...The way you would give him those sexy big innocent eyes as if you had no idea what you were doing...

At that thought, he brought the paddle down on your ass hard, with a growl.

You gasped loudly, at a loss of words and noise at the pain that had just entered your body. You squeezed the sheets underneath you, gritting your teeth, groaning. You were used to his hands smacking your ass but this was different. It was definitely going to leave a mark and the fact that the mark would be of his name made your head swim.

Kylo stepped back and watched the letters form on your skin, visible even in the low red lighting of his room. "Fuck..." He muttered to himself, not even realizing the way that he was rubbing his cock through his pants, his mind was racing too.

He practically stumbled over to the table next to him so that he was able to grab his phone. You were still reeling from the impact and didn't notice the way that he was taking pictures of you, getting different angles until he found the one he liked the best.

"Look at you." Kylo said to you, trying to make his voice sound disgusted but it came out as if he were in awe of you. "My name looks so good on you, like it was meant to be there."

You lifted your head up to see his phone screen hovering above you. "Kylo!" You complained breathlessly, not liking that he now had such intimate pictures of you. But then as your eyes adjusted to the added light, you were able to really see yourself and the way that 'REN' looked against your flesh. It sent heat right to your core. The skin where the impact had landed was on fire, stinging.

He laughed openly at your reaction, a glimpse at the Kylo you were familiar with coming through. He took an other long look at the photo before tapping away at a few more things. He'd have to thank you later for his new background.

After putting his phone back on the table, Kylo's attention was completely on you and the darker side of him returned, seeing you still so obediently bent over for him, marked by his name. He put his hands up by your mouth. "Take them off." He instructed, talking about his gloves. "I want to feel how soaked you are."

You weren't sure what he meant at first but then you realized he wanted you to do it with your mouth. You did as you were told, gripping onto the leather with your teeth and moving your head so that you could pull them off of his long fingers. You hummed when you saw he still had his rings on under them. They turned you on.

Kylo made a noise similar to yours, watching the way your eyes were so focused on his hands, he knew that you loved them. He wrapped one hand around your neck, holding your face down against the mattress while his other hand went in between your legs. Just as he had suspected, you were wet.

He rubbed his fingers along your folds, letting your wetness collect on his fingers. Then he held them up in front of you, yanking on your neck so that you had to look up at them. "You're such a fucking mess, look at this." Kylo sneered at you, his fingers glistening in the low light from you.

He stuck his fingers in your mouth, gagging you and holding your tongue down so that you couldn't try to push them away.

You made a noise that indicated you were uncomfortable, tears forming in your eyes from the way that you were choking. A sick part of you loved this, the way that he was staring at you and touching you like you were just his possession, your feelings didn't matter, only his did.

"I'm gonna fuck you and I already know you want it because you're such a whore," His voice was far away, you were so overwhelmed by the feeling of his hand around your throat and his other hand practically down your throat, "You should be ashamed. You're dripping for me and I've barely even touched you."

You knew that was true, you were humiliated. You were so turned on just from the idea of him degrading you in the way that he was. He abruptly pulled his fingers out from your mouth, making you quickly gulp for air, whimpering at the way that you were holding back a gag.

At that, Kylo moved both of his hands away from you so that he could unzip his pants, pulling his cock out from the material. You couldn't help but note the way that he hadn't been wearing underwear, he got all dressed up like this just to fuck you. And of course, he was keeping all of his clothes on just to add to the humiliation of you being so naked and exposed in front of him while he was covered in designer material.

Then without any warning, Kylo moved back over to you and abruptly entered you from behind. He was all the way inside of you, you could feel his hips against your ass. You yelped in pain. You usually had to get worked up to this and sometimes it was difficult for you to even take the entire thing if you'd been doing it for a while because he was just so big.

Kylo didn't give you any more time to get used to it either. He began moving his hips against you at a fast pace, staying as deep as he originally was. You cussed under your breath, wincing in pain. You took a deep breath to try and relax yourself but the pain was still there, he was just so deep, showing you no mercy.

Kylo noticed how tense you were underneath him. "Do you remember our word?" He muttered, still moving his hips at an aggressive speed.

You nodded. The word was red. But you didn't want to use it. You knew you'd get used to him and when you did it was going to feel amazing. You wanted him to keep going.

"Wanna say it?" Kylo asked you, moaning in between each word as he thrusted inside of you.

You quickly shook your head, "No, sir."

"Want me to stop?"

A wicked thought flashed in your mind. You paused then, "Yes, Kylo." You whined, pretending.

Kylo's movement faltered as he tried to figure out what you meant. And then it dawned on him. You weren't using the safeword because you really didn't want him to stop, but you wanted to pretend that you did so that he could take this from you, so he could pretend to force himself on you.

He moaned loudly at the realization. You were his dirty girl.

"What was that? You want me to stop?" Kylo bent down, growling into your ear. "I thought sluts like you always wanted it."

You moaned at the harshness of his words. You glanced over your shoulder so that you could look at him. "Please, Kylo... Stop." You said to him. Your tone seemed sincere but the satisfied grin on your face said otherwise. You were enjoying this new game you were playing with him. Both of you knew you didn't really want him to stop, you just wanted him to get rougher with you.

Kylo's jaw clenched, a smirk on his lips. He grabbed your hips and slowly pulled out of you, making you frown. You thought for a moment that he misunderstood but the dark glint in his eyes let you know that he got it.

Then, he suddenly bent over so that he could pick you up in the air. You thrashed against him as his arms wrapped around you and instead of him letting you go so that you could escape, he threw you onto his bed. He crawled on it so that you had no room to get off, he would just grab you.

"What did I tell you before? You're my slave tonight. I get to do what I want with you and there's nothing you can do about it." He leaned down so that he was on top of you, pinning you to the bed. "You're my whore and I am going to fuck you until you cry, do you understand?"

Your heart was thumping, this was exactly what you wanted. "Please don't." You pouted, pretending to hate all of this when in reality you were on fire for him.

"Oh, so sad." He taunted you. "I guess I'll have to make sure you don't try to run away, won't I?" Kylo said, his expression dancing with mischief. He reached behind him and pulled something out of his pocket.

You inhaled at what it was. A gun.

"On your hands and knees again, you don't deserve to be comfortable." He told you, the gun pointed directly at you.

You stared down the barrel. If he wanted to, he could shoot you right now, right in the forehead.

You scrambled to move on your hands and knees, your back arched up so that your ass was in the air for him, just how you knew he liked it.

Kylo eagerly moved behind you, groaning. "Oh fuck, look at that. Look how fucking pathetic you are for me." He urged you. He poked you with the tip of the gun to get your attention and when you glanced back at him, he pointed with the weapon to the mirror on the wall next to the two of you, motioning for you to look at it.

Your skin burned from the image you saw.

You on all fours, his name smacked in red writing against your skin, with mascara streaming down your cheeks from gagging earlier. And Kylo was right behind you, fully clothed in his powerful attire, not a hair out of place. And his gun was pressed against the back of your head.

Kylo grabbed your ass cheek where his name was imprinted and growled. "Mine." He said, keeping eye contact with you in the mirror.

You moaned out loud. You reflexively leaned your head back in pleasure and froze when you felt the gun there. It only added to your arousal, to know that your life was in his hands. You were so exposed and vulnerable to him right now and as much as you wanted to hate it, you just couldn't. It felt so right.

Then while still staring at your reflection, Kylo rocked his hips inside of you, just as deep as he had been before. He kept the gun placed against the back of your head, loving how much power he had over you right now.

"I could pull this trigger and blow your fucking brains out." Kylo grunted, thrusting. "And if you try to get away from me, that's exactly what I'll do."

You felt tears well in your eyes from the painful way he was fucking you and from how small you felt.

Kylo reached down with his free hand and bent over so that he could rub his fingers against your clit, causing you to gasp in surprise. You didn't expect him to touch you like that, you thought he was fucking you just for his pleasure. But really, feeling you clench around him was a good thing for him too.

"Oh my god." You let out a high pitched moan. You began relaxing around him now, not so tense from how much he was filling you up as your body grew familiar with the feeling.

"You better not fucking cum unless I tell you to." Kylo said in a rushed tone, his eyes moving wildly from the reflection in the mirror to you in front of him. He wasn't sure which view he liked better. "You're gonna cum when I cum and I'm not done with you yet." He pressed his gun harder against your head, reminding you that it was there.

He continued to rub against you and you felt your orgasm building up. "Kylo." You warned him, your arms shaking underneath you.

Kylo understood what you meant and he quickly moved his hand away earning a whine from you, "Not yet, slut." He hissed, pumping you fast and hard. He was getting close too. Having you so small and dependent and weak for him right now was almost too much for him to handle.

Kylo continued doing this to you, edging you. He'd rub your clit exactly how he knew you loved it then pull away right when he felt you start to tighten around him, driving you crazy.

It was so frustrating, you didn't even notice the way the tears were streaming down your face. "Please, Kylo." You sobbed desperately.

Kylo grinned at that, how needy you sounded as you begged for him. He stared down at you, at the way your ass was bouncing against his hips, his name on your skin moving with the contact. "Say it again, tell me that you're my bitch."

You let out a cry of frustration, your head stinging from the way the barrel of the gun was pressed against it. "I'm Kylo Ren's bitch." You whined pitifully. "Please, oh my god." You added, not being able to help yourself. You wanted to say anything it would take for him to let you finish, you were aching.

At those words, Kylo felt himself reaching his peak as well. He was the only one who you'd do this for, it made him feel so important and powerful. His fingers sped up as well as his hips, bringing you closer and closer to your edge as he did the same.

"I want you to cum for me." He groaned in your ear, bent over. "Cum for me." He repeated, this time more urgently because he knew he was right there too.

You didn't need to be told again, his permission making you almost scream his name as your orgasm rushed over you, relieving all of the aching pain you'd been feeling during his teasing. He continued his motions against your clit as you came, muttering encouragement for you under his breath.

When he knew you were finished, Kylo tossed the gun next to him on the bed, grabbing your hips with both of his now free hands. "Your pussy gets so fucking tight around me." He moaned as he thrusted in and out of you, his finger tips gripping into your skin.

You were barely coherent under him, eyes glazed over as he fucked you with gentle moans escaping your mouth with every thrust. You came so hard that you thought you were going to pass out. And you were exhausted from all of the mental strength it took for you to let Kylo treat you this way.

Kylo noticed that you were fading away and he was thankful that he was ready to cum. "I'm gonna fill this tight fucking pussy up, my pussy, I own it." He was whining himself, getting weaker as he worked himself up. With a few more deep pumps inside of you, he moaned loudly as he came, emptying himself inside of you.

You were in a fog. Part of you was so happy that you made him finish as hard as he did but an other part of you was barely even awake. You didn't realize you were still crying, overwhelmed by everything.

After catching his breath, Kylo realized how broken you were underneath him and his heart pumped. You seemed like you were into it and you hadn't used the safe word. But he wondered if he went too far? Did he get carried away?

"Are you okay?" He asked you breathlessly, moving from you so that he could wrap you up in his arms.

You didn't say anything, you weren't sure what to say. You were okay but you needed him. You relaxed against him, thankful to feel his arms holding you in place.

Kylo picked you up, while grabbing a blanket, making sure to be gentle with you as he made his way over to the chair he had been sitting on when you first walked in the room. He placed you in his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around you and rubbing your back in a soothing motion after wrapping his blanket around you so you weren't naked.

"I'm here, princess." He said to you in a soft voice.

You looked up at him, questioningly. He was calling you princess again. This felt more normal. He wasn't the mob boss anymore in your eyes, this was the Kylo you knew.

"That's right." Kylo smiled, "Daddy's here. You're okay." He assured you, wiping away stray tears falling down your cheeks.

He was so proud of you. The two of you had come so far in your relationship. When you two first met each other, you could barely look at him without wanting to slap him. And now you were completely open with him, submitting yourself to him.

It was the first time in a very long time that Kylo had realized he was happy.

You sighed in relief and moved from the blanket so that you could wrap your arms around him as well, pulling yourself in close to him. You rested your head on his shoulder, face against the crook of his neck. The way his chest was rising and falling under you was calming, you found yourself dozing off.

"You were such a brat tonight." Kylo smirked, rubbing your back in gentle circles. "A really bad girl."

You hummed in agreement, chuckling weakly. You couldn't argue with that. You had pissed him off on purpose to get a rise out of him. It was safe to say that you felt the repercussions of it.

Kylo tilted his head so that he could press his lips against the top of your head.

"But you're still my girl." His voice was like honey, "You'll always be my girl."

-


	21. Everything

Beep. Beep. Beep.

You groaned and grabbed the pillow out from under your head, pressing it on your face so that you could cover your ears with it, trying to drown out the sound. "Turn it off." You muttered, reaching a hand out to touch the body next to yours to get their attention.

Kylo's eyes were blinking, waking up. His mind processed the sound of his alarm mixed with the way you were grabbing at him. He reached over and silenced the 'beeping', giving you what you wanted.

"What time is it?" You asked, moving the pillow away from your face and back under your head.

Kylo glanced at his phone. "Five."

"What the fuck?" You hissed, that was way too early for you. You couldn't remember the last time you were awake at five in the morning.

"Go back to sleep." He told you before moving so that he could wrap his arms around you, pressing your back against the front of him, spooning you.

You wanted to continue to be grumpy with him for waking you up but feeling the way that he was against you with his face buried against the back of your neck, forced you to relax with a sigh.

"It's so early." You whined, putting your hands on top of his that were resting around you.

"I know it is." He said sympathetically. His voice was deep with sleep as he placed a kiss against the bare skin on your shoulder. "I have a long day today."

You were already starting to doze off again, feeling so comfortable with him so close to you. "What do you have to do?"

"A truck with some things that belong to the mob was never unloaded last night when it should've been. We have to run around today and figure out what went wrong." He explained with a yawn.

You were surprised that he actually told you. Whenever you'd ask Hux, he'd blow you off. Even in your half asleep state, your heart thumped at the idea that Kylo trusted you enough to tell you. "Run around and beat some people up, you mean?" You asked, your fingers moving across his arms.

Kylo hummed at that question, kissing from your shoulder to your neck. "Something like that." He mumbled against your skin. "Daddy will be out there breaking some bones, killing some people, putting in work. And you'll just be in my bed, fast asleep...You're so spoiled." He teased you in his deep morning voice.

You smiled at that, moving in closer against him. "Hey, I put in work last night." You reminded him. Although the most movement you really did was crawl across his floor, the mental and otherwise physical toll on your body had exhausted you. It was tiring to open yourself up to him like that even if you enjoyed it.

"You did, I'm proud of you." Kylo agreed, understanding that it had been a big deal for you to do all of that with him.

Your skin warmed up at that. Even though he always said things like that during sex, hearing compliments and praise from him outside of it made you nervous in the best way. It was new, he didn't used to do that, you realized.

The two of you laid tangled in each other's arms for a while, wrapped up in each other and in his comfortable black blanket. You were almost asleep again when he sighed and moved away from you reluctantly. He was going to fall back asleep too if he didn't get up now and you were so warm, he could lay there all day and listen to the sounds of the city outside of the tall building with you.

As he sat up on the edge of the bed and ran his hands over his face, you turned so that you were laying on your back and watching him. It was still surreal to you that you were like this with Kylo. You hated him so much when you first met him. And really, a part of you still did have a hatred for him, you always would, because you were stubborn and selfish and he was making you break those habits. It wasn't easy.

Kylo glanced over at you feeling your gaze and he let his eyes run over you, taking in the way you looked tucked away in his bed. A certain part of him would always hate you too, for how powerless you made him feel. It was incredibly foolish to allow himself to have a weakness. And not only did he have a weakness, but he actively made that weakness grow stronger by giving into you.

But there was that connection. The thing that neither of you could stop even with all of your efforts. You needed each other, even if you hated it.

"When will you be back?" You asked him curiously, wanting to change the subject from the way he was intently looking you over.

Kylo shrugged, standing up from the bed so that he could go over to his closet. "I'm not sure. Could be all day."

You remembered how he dug through that closet last night to find the paddle that he ended up hitting you and marking you with. This time though, he didn't pull out a sex toy believe it or not. Instead, he grabbed an outfit for the day. Darn.

You crossed your arms behind your head, propping yourself up so that you had a good view as you watched him take off his pajamas and put on his dress clothes. God, he was so hot, it almost made you angry how attracted you were to him.

"You're a pervert." He teased you as he buttoned up his shirt, glancing up at the way you were watching him with a smirk. He got compliments all the time. Being told that he was attractive really didn't mean much to him coming from anyone but you. Noticing the way that you were looking him over pleased him, made him almost shy in a way.

"You love it." You teased him right back.

"I do." Kylo grinned, thinking back to all of the perverted things you let him do to you the night before.

After he was dressed, you watched the way that he pulled out a key, going to his drawers and unlocking a few. Then, he proceeded to grab a gun, a silencer, a wad of cash, and a few other things that looked like pieces of paper or documents, tucking everything away in his jacket pockets.

It reminded you that he wasn't just going to work in an office. He was probably going to kill people or at least hurt them if they didn't tell him what he needed to know today. You realized that you shouldn't be surprised that you were laying in his bed right now. He always got what he wanted, you were no exception.

"You should set an alarm and go back to bed for a few hours, we were up late last night." He told you, glancing in the mirror to attempt to fix his bed head. He didn't have to do much, his hair always looked perfect.

"Yes, sir." You replied sarcastically, a cheeky smile on your lips. Really, it warmed your heart that he said something like that, looking out for you. You wondered if he even realized how thoughtful he was or how much he protected you. It seemed like it just came naturally. If he didn't realize, you hoped it stayed that way, you didn't want him to be freaked out by how much he outwardly cared about you.

Kylo stared at your reflection in the mirror he was in front of, a dark look on his face. "Don't tempt me, princess. It's too early for me to spank you."

You laughed at that. You almost argued that it was never too early for him to spank you but then you realized how early it actually was and your head started hurting from lack of sleep. "You're right." You sighed, settling back into a comfortable position, pulling the blankets up.

Kylo put his jewelry on and his cologne, yawning while he did so. He went into the bathroom to brush his teeth before joining you in the bedroom again. He was tired too. But his lack of sleep was worth it after everything that happened last night.

He patted his pockets, glancing around as if to make sure he wasn't leaving anything behind. He let himself look at you for a moment. It was strange to see someone in his bed. He wondered if he should ask you to go to your own apartment while he was gone. Did he trust you to be alone in his own space? Oddly enough, he did.

"Okay, well...I'll see you later." Kylo told you, suddenly awkward. He felt overwhelmed now by how much of a presence you had in his life, he needed to get out of there before he started overthinking it and ruining everything.

"Okay." You told him, now equally as uncomfortable. You noticed the way his mood shifted but you weren't sure why.

Kylo went for the bedroom door to leave, his hand on the handle when you stopped him. "Wait." You called out gently.

He looked at you over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow.

"Can you...um, can you kiss me before you leave?" You requested in a soft voice. You were embarrassed to ask it but you couldn't help it. You didn't know what kind of danger he was going to be getting himself into and the thought of this being your last interaction with him made your heart sink. You knew you were being dramatic but at the same time, it was realistic. Mob time was borrowed time, no matter how high up you were.

Kylo froze at those words. That uncomfortableness was unbearable now. He swallowed hard, tapping his fingers against the door handle in thought. He had wanted to escape so he didn't ruin things and there you were pulling him back in, like always. He should just say no, that he was running late and that you'd have time to kiss him later.

But the wide eyes you were giving him made him soften. No one requested things like that from him. He couldn't form thoughts on how it made him feel but the only way he could describe it was that he felt wanted. And right now, that wasn't a bad thing in his eyes.

Kylo made his way back over to you and stopped at the edge of the bed. He didn't move closer to you for a few moments, instead he looked down at you with an intense expression. You were asking that he kissed you. That was all. There was no ulterior motive or initiation of sex. You just wanted to kiss him to say goodbye. It was so unfamiliar to him.

Noticing his hesitation, you sat up in bed, ignoring the pounding in your head. You leaned up so that you could place a light hand on his cheek, pressing your lips against his. It was a brief kiss but it held a lot behind it. A lot of words that the two of you were too scared to say out loud.

Then after pulling away, you settled back under his blankets, back against his mattress. "Good luck." You told him, getting comfortable again. "I'll see you later." You echoed his earlier words, trying to put him at ease.

Kylo said nothing, instead he turned away and rushed out of the room without any further acknowledgement. When the bedroom door was shut behind him and he knew he was alone, he finally let it happen.

A small smile broke out onto his face. 

For the second time that day you heard the dreaded: 'Beep.Beep.Beep'.

This time though, it was nine thirty instead of five, which was a much easier time for you to compromise on.

Although your alarm went off at nine thirty, it was closer to ten by the time that you actually got up. You had been so comfortable in his big bed and distracted by your phone.

You shivered as you stepped onto his hardwood floor. His apartment was always so dark and cold, the opposite of yours that always had the curtains open, the sun warming the place up. You glanced around and saw Kylo's robe hanging in his closet. You shuffled over and pulled it on, instantly comforted by it, it was like a giant blanket on you.

Then, you made your way out of the bedroom, yawning obnoxiously. You knew that if Kylo had been standing next to you he would've rolled his eyes at how loud it was.

You saw a piece of paper propped up in the kitchen and as you got closer to it, you saw writing:

'Stay as long as you want. Food is in the fridge'

You weren't sure how long you had been staring at the note, analyzing his handwriting, but you did realize you had a stupid grin on your face for much longer than you'd care to admit.

A few minutes later, there you were. Alone in Kylo Ren's apartment, wearing his robe, drinking his coffee, and eating his food at his kitchen table. You felt like you were in an other dimension or something. It was unreal but at the same time, it felt so right. You were comfortable here. You found yourself even preferring it to your own apartment down the hall.

You spent your day in the art studio, trying to catch up on lost time. Before Kylo moved back, you were painting for hours every day. But now, there had been so much going on that it had been at least a week since you stepped foot there. Part of that had to do with Connor, the man Hux murdered, it felt wrong to be in the same spaces he used to be. But you had to get back to it eventually, you were going crazy without it.

You noticed how many paintings and sculptures and projects people had created since you had been MIA and it made you sad. You could sometimes finish multiple paintings in a week when you really worked at it. It was always the running joke among your classmates. They'd take bets on how many you'd be done with by Friday. You couldn't even remember the last time you created something besides maybe trouble or problems for yourself.

Suddenly, you felt useless. What were you even doing with your life? Shopping, and drinking, and cheating on your boyfriend? You always told yourself that you wouldn't fall into the trap of having a mob boyfriend be your only identity. It was why your education and art were so important to you. But you'd lost that recently.

You were graduating soon and then what? You were now growing nervous that you'd forget about this part of yourself when you weren't being forced to show up to class everyday (well besides when Kylo forced you to play hooky). How much more would you let the mafia consume you?

"Hey." You were broken from your inner monologue at the sound of someone trying to get your attention.

You looked to the canvas to your right, making eye contact with one of your classmates. At her words, a few people around the two of you craned their necks and ears so that they could listen. You weren't stupid, you knew how much everyone talked about you. You had no friends at your college, everyone avoided you, they were nervous to get involved with you. It was for the best, look what happened to Connor.

"You've been gone awhile." She said, almost suspicious as she cleaned one of her brushes off.

You shrugged, "Yeah, I was sick." You almost let out a fake cough to see if that would make her stop questioning you and scoot her easel away from yours but thought against it.

"Really?" She asked, still suspicious. Everyone in earshot shifted, uncomfortable around this conversation. "You missed an entire week, how bad was it?"

You realized what she as insinuating now. Not only did you make your classmates nervous but you also pissed them off. They assumed you only got into the school because of your mob ties (even though you were already attending before you met Hux) and they assumed that all your accomplishments and good grades were because of him as well. The donation you (aka Kylo) made didn't help things either.

"It was bad enough to miss an entire week." You said, the irritation clear in your voice.

There were a few moments of silence and you went to put your headphones in so that the conversation could be over but she started talking again. "I only ask because I'm pretty sure I saw you shopping." Her tone was sheepish, like she couldn't help herself, she just had to call you out.

You set your paintbrush down, raising an eyebrow at her. Did she really want to do this? When you turned your head towards her, you noticed the way that people around you looked back down at their canvas, pretending they weren't eavesdropping.

She faltered under your gaze but then continued. "I mean, at least I could've sworn it was you? You were with that Ren guy...the one who's always on the news."

Even the nosey people around you knew that it had been a mistake for her to bring up Kylo Ren.

"You should just stop talking if you know what's good for you." You found yourself saying and hearing it come out of your mouth shocked you. Before Kylo moved back, you would've just laughed it off and told her you needed a mental health break or something. But Kylo brought out this more aggressive and protective side of you. Hearing his name made you want her to stop questioning you.

She was taken back, "I'm sorry, I just thought-"

"You shouldn't think about me at all." You cut her off, ending the conversation.

You popped the headphones into your ears at that, wanting to pretend you were somewhere else. You realized how a small part of you was satisfied, knowing you intimidated her. She was afraid of you and based on everyone's reactions, they all were too. You understood Kylo's desire to be in control now. It felt good.

"Fuck my life." You muttered under your breath in frustration at your own thoughts, your brush sweeping over the canvas in front of you. Who were you becoming?

Leaving the art studio, you felt defeated. When you were alone with Kylo, everything made sense, you felt like you were on the right track. Maybe not the most morally correct track, but it felt good to you at least. But when you were apart from him, it was when your mind started to go wild. It was like he had you hypnotized when he was around.

You walked down the street and tried to ignore the way that you could feel a car going slow next to you. It was probably a taxi, you thought to yourself, thinking that you might get in for a ride if it was offered to you. But when you got to a cross walk and it stopped right next to you on the curb, you looked over at it.

A black limo.

One of the windows slowly rolled down and even though you wanted to start running in the opposite direction, you realized it would be no use. Because, the man who slowly revealed himself was Snoke.

"Come in." His voice rang out, almost charming, from inside the dark back seat.

You hesitated, glancing around. You couldn't run from him, he'd know where to find you.

You fumbled with the door handle, wishing one of the cars buzzing past you would take you out and you wouldn't have to do this. That was the last person you ever thought you'd see while you were walking home.

When you were settled in your seat, your nerves didn't calm themselves at all, actually they were only heightened. Across from you was Snoke and there were three men with him who you somewhat recognized as troopers. He wasn't able to go anywhere alone, he always needed protection.

You actually hadn't seen Snoke in person since the time Hux convinced him not to kill you, more than a year ago. He didn't go to the mafia parties or events. He had the most power and that meant the most risk so he was always hidden away somwhere.

He was an older man, grey hair and facial hair, slimey and always scowling. He was one of those people who just looked evil. It was hard picturing him as anything but a mob boss, you wouldn't see someone like him ringing up your groceries for you or teaching a class of kindergartners.

You shifted in your seat, uncomfortable and honestly, you were scared.

His eyes were on you, narrowing as he looked you over. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" He asked you.

You didn't think you could respond to that. The last time he saw you, you had been begging for your life, sobbing on your hands and knees. You wondered if Snoke had been following you or if he just saw you on the street and recognized you.

"You look nervous, you shouldn't be nervous." Snoke said but the look on his face said otherwise, you definitely should be. "I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about."

You frowned, fingers fidgeting in your lap. "What do you mean?" You found yourself asking with a small voice.

Snoke chuckled darkly at that. He glanced at the troopers next to him and they averted their gaze, not wanting to do anything wrong. "Well you're the reason my guys at the top are plotting against each other." He said easily. "You must be really special to get two powerful men to crumble like that."

You suddenly felt like you couldn't breathe. How much did Snoke know?

"You shouldn't be surprised that I've noticed how much chaos you're causing." The car started moving again, meaning that you were stuck in there with him. Your heart sped up. You were convinced that he was going to kill you.

"Me?" You asked, playing dumb. "I don't know what you're talking about." You said to him, glancing at the door to see if you could jump out of it.

"Either you're stupid or you're lying to me. Which is it?" Snoke snapped, not having the patience to deal with your deflection.

You were silent, stunned. You couldn't answer that.

He continued, "It's no secret Ren and Hux hate each other. It's been that way for years. But there was always something, that last piece missing, to push them over the edge and make them actually betray each other...You're that piece." He was staring at you like he was studying you, really trying to figure out what the big deal was, why some girl was the reason his organization was going awry.

The troopers were staring at you too, though not in the same way Snoke was. They were cautiously watching you, making sure that you weren't going to try anything stupid while in the back of their boss's limo.

"So, tell me...who are you loyal to?" Snoke asked, getting straight to the point. "I need to know which one of them I'll be losing soon."

You felt like you were going to vomit. Kylo didn't prepare you for this, you weren't ready to answer these questions. You weren't sure if you were supposed to be honest with Snoke or if you were supposed to lie and say you were on Hux's side to keep that act up.

"Loyal? I'm sorry, I don't even know what you're saying." You didn't think you could keep the dumb girlfriend act up forever but you were going to ride it out as long as you could.

Snoke grunted in frustration and his troopers shifted, glancing at him. They were looking for a signal to get rid of you.

"I'm not like them. I won't hesitate to kill you right now. It makes no difference to me. I allowed Hux to save your life once but I have no interest in letting anyone save you again." Snoke said to you, his patience was really running thin. In fact, he thought it might even be interesting to see what would happen if you died. It would prove who was stronger, Kylo or Hux, depending on how they reacted. At that thought, he looked at the troopers and nodded, one of them raised a gun to you, a threat.

You were panicked. "Who do you want me to be loyal to?" You found yourself saying. You felt pathetic. It was just like before, when you had been sobbing and begging for your life from him.

Snoke was silent for a few seconds, before a slow creepy grin made it's way onto his face. "I like her." He said, looking to his troopers, wordlessly telling them to lower the weapons.

It made your skin crawl.

The car that you were in starting coming to a stop and when you glanced out of the window, you were able to see that you were at your apartment building. So he had been following you, after all, he knew where you were headed.

"I'll get back to you." Snoke told you.

You were confused, "Get back to me on what?"

"Who I want you to be loyal to."

It had been a few hours since your encounter with the mafia boss and you were still shaken up. Not many people were able to say that they got into the back of a limo with Snoke and made it out alive. It scared you that he didn't kill you, it meant he had other plans for you, you thought.

You were sitting on a big comfy chair in the corner of your living room, against the window. You had just recently calmed down from what you assumed was a panic attack, you didn't get them often but it had felt like you couldn't breathe and like you were going to die. It was exhausting. You weren't sure how long now that you'd been sitting there just staring out to the busy city below. You wanted to be one of them. Just a person going to work, minding their business. Maybe they were meeting a friend for dinner or picking up a few things at the store.

The knock at your door made you jump. "Who is it?" You yelled out, though you had an idea.

"It's daddy." It was Kylo, you could hear the smugness in his voice. Thank god you were alone, you thought.

"I'm busy." You called to him. It wasn't that you didn't want to see him, you did. But you didn't want him to see you. You weren't in the best mental place right now and it embarrassed you.

Even through the closed door and from where you were sitting, you were able to hear him let out a frustrated noise. Then some fumbling, then the sound of him unlocking your door, opening it.

You sighed, you forgot you gave him a key when you got your concussion, so that he could come in without waking you up in the middle of the night. "Sure, come on in anyways." You said sarcastically

Kylo smirked, ignoring the sarcasm. "Wow, you look extremely busy." He said, noting the way that you were literally just sitting and staring out of the window.

You didn't laugh even though a part of you wanted to. You were a nervous wreck.

Kylo took in your demeanor, frowning. He was uncomfortable, unsure of what to do. "You're...upset?" He asked, trying to find the right word for it.

Upset...you weren't sure if that was the perfect word for it but yes, you supposed you were upset. "I am." You agreed with him, pulling your knees up to your chest.

He tensed in his spot in your living room, clenching and unclenching his fists. You didn't want him there and honestly, he didn't want to be there because that meant he had to talk through your feelings with you. But there was something telling him that he couldn't leave, he couldn't just leave you alone when you were like this, he wouldn't be able to actually walk to the door even if he tried.

He made his way over to you, ignoring the noise of protest you made. Then he scooped you up into his arms and moved so that he was sitting on the chair and you were sitting on his lap. He was trying his best to be sweet, even if he was forceful about it.

You didn't move away from him, instantly calmed by the feeling of his arms around you, he knew just how to keep your head on the ground even if he didn't mean to. It was strange that his presence made you feel the safest but also the most threatened.

You rested your head on his shoulder, both of you looking out into the city below you. The sun was starting to set, leaving a golden glow on the buildings across from you and throughout your own apartment. "Today..." You weren't really sure how to tell him what happened, you didn't want him to freak out like you had, "I talked to Snoke."

Kylo almost threw you off of his lap. "What?" He asked.

"I was walking home and he pulled up next to me." You then paraphrased your conversation with Snoke, letting him know everything that was said, including how Snoke said he'd 'get back to you'.

Kylo was thankful that you weren't hiding this from him. He noted that it was something you might've tried to push away from him and handle on your own before but you trusted him now.

"He didn't hurt you?" Kylo asked, muscles rigid underneath you. He tried to imagine you alone in the back of the limo with Snoke and it made his heart thump, he hated that he hadn't been there to help you.

"No." You assured him, realizing that he was getting upset. You didn't want that, you needed him to be your rock right now.

Kylo looked you over, as if you might lying to him. Then he nodded, deciding. "I'm not letting you go anywhere alone from now on."

You sighed and rolled your eyes, "Kylo." You told him, your voice in a warning tone. That wasn't the solution you wanted. 

"I'm serious." He said and the look on his face backed that up, "He didn't hurt you today but he could tomorrow, he could tonight. I don't want you to just be out there...defenseless. If you need to go somewhere alone, I'll be with you or at least one of the Knights from now on, okay?" He was making himself angry now, thinking about how Snoke had just found you like that and it had been so easy for him to get you in the back of his car.

You opened your mouth to say that you could defend yourself but you knew that you couldn't when it came to Snoke. You hadn't been able to earlier today. You remembered how you wished that Kylo had been there with you. He was right.

"Fine." You said halfheartedly. You didn't like thinking that someone would have to be with you all the time, especially if it wasn't Kylo but at the same time, you didn't want to be alone with Snoke again or alone with anyone else who could threaten you.

"You should've called me right after it happened." He told you, his grip tightening on you protectively.

"I didn't know what you were doing, I didn't want to distract you or...I don't know." You swallowed hard, "I'm still getting used to coming to you with my problems. I just automatically try to solve them on my own."

"When it's a mob problem, it's my problem, not yours. You come to me." His tone was stern, there was no room for arguments.

You let that sink in.

You started thinking again about how much of your life revolved around the mafia, how much of who you thought you were, you were losing to be with Kylo.

It was quiet for a while as you felt the panic start to rise again, you were thinking too much. This was his problem, not yours. The statement, although he hadn't meant it like that, completely invalidated your feelings. You felt like you were going crazy.

"Is this all I am?" You spoke, breaking the silence.

Kylo said nothing, letting you elaborate.

"I only exist to help you. To help Hux...Snoke, the cops..." You moved so that you weren't leaning against him anymore, though you were still sitting in his lap. "Who's helping me?" Your voice broke. You were spiraling again.

"I have nothing that's my own." You stood up from him, feeling like you were suffocating and his touch against you only brought the walls in closer. "I don't have any friends, not any real ones. I have no family. I have nothing that I bought myself, no house, no belongings. Soon, I'll have no college, no place to paint. I have no...fucking power over anything!" You were pacing in front of the window, breathing hard.

Kylo was staring at you from the chair with wide eyes. He was listening to what you were saying, really listening and realizing what you meant. He felt his stomach twist. He realized the night before how happy he was in life right now but it wasn't mutual, you were suffering, because of him, because of the lifestyle he had chosen for himself.

You stopped pacing, trying to catch your breath. "I have nothing." You stopped pacing letting that statement wash over you, tears pricking your eye.

"Kylo," You turned to get his attention but then you saw that he was already staring at you. "I am nothing."

It was dramatic but it was how you felt. You felt like you were just a pawn in everyone else's game.

Kylo swallowed hard, he didn't like hearing you say that, he didn't like the way it made him feel to hear it. He stood up from where was sitting and made his way over to you. He stopped in front of you, his chest now moving as quickly as yours was.

"Not to me." Kylo said intensely, his eye twitching as he stared down at you.

You felt the air escape your lungs at that. 'Not to him'. This was the reason you were doing all of this in the first place. For Kylo.

Once again, everything started making sense again. He had you wrapped around his finger.

The two of you stared at each other intensely, letting what he said to you sink in.

"You said, who's helping you?" Kylo was closer to you now, his chest almost against you. "I'm here to help you, princess. You tell me, what do you need from me? What do you want?" He was desperate. Now more than ever, he was afraid of you leaving him. He didn't know what to do if he was happy and you weren't, what was stopping you from leaving him if you weren't happy with him?

You were speechless, the tears in your eyes were coming faster at Kylo showing you this side of him. He wasn't running from it like usual, he was leaning into it right now.

"You don't want this apartment, you can move in with me...You need a space to paint, I'll buy you an entire fucking art studio." He put his hands on your shoulders, looking down at you. "I can't get you friends or a family but...You can have me. I'm yours. I'll give you whatever you need, I promise."

One of his hands went to your cheek, brushing away a tear before it could fall any further. "You're all I have too, you know." His tone was sad, like yours had been.

He had money, sure, but when it came to mafia money, it could never really be his. It was the reason most people in the mob bought expensive things like jewelry or cars, things that could be sold later if they ever had to give up their actual cash. He didn't consider his income his own, it was borrowed.

When you took away the superficial things, Kylo had just as much as you did. No friends, no family. He only had you.

You stood on your toes and moving your arms under his on your shoulders, so that you could wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him down closer to you, making his hands go down to your waist. There were still things you needed. You needed to find a way to end this cycle of feeling useless. But right now, all you wanted was Kylo.

You had been with Hux for so long because of all the material things he could give you (and the fact that he saved your life). But when it came to Kylo, the material things were the last thing you cared about. You were with Kylo because he was Kylo, you didn't give a shit about anything else.

You brought him down, kissing him on the lips. You noticed the way that he was frozen against you.

He was overwhelmed and felt so exposed to you. But then feeling you so small against him, kissing him and depending on him, he sighed against your lips and began kissing you back. As vulnerable as he felt, you knew you were feeling it even more and he wanted to take care of you. He needed to show you that he could keep you safe.

Kylo reached down and picked you up, bringing you over to the chair he had previously been sitting on. He placed you in his lap, you straddling him as you continued to kiss him. His strong hands were all over you, holding you tightly against him.

He remembered how he felt when he saw you laying in his bed earlier. It scared him but it just made sense, it was like you had always been there.

And he was feeling that same way now, holding you close.

You were the reason why his heart beat so quickly every time he opened his eyes in the morning and you were the reason his head would rush when he'd go to bed. You said you were nothing but to him you were everything, as cliche as it sounded, it was true. Kylo would do anything to protect you.

You sighed against his lips, your fingers in his hair while you held the back of his head, keeping him close against you. "I just need to know that I mean something to you. Tell me I'm not just a way for you to get ahead." You said to him desperately. You knew his answer but you needed to hear it right now.

Kylo frowned, it hurt him to see you like this. He wanted to end it. He couldn't stand seeing you upset. But it took so much out of him to talk like this, he was trying his best for you. "Princess, you're the only person I care about losing... I don't know what I'd do with you." His deep voice was trembling.

You pressed your lips against his at that, knowing he didn't want to say anything else. You didn't need him to, you understood. It was all you needed.

The two of you stayed in each others arms for almost an hour, kissing and just enjoying the way it felt to be in this position. 

Kylo broke the comfortable silence. 

"You can have my Knights."

You moved so that you could look at him. "What?"

He bit back his smirk. "You want power over something, don't you?"

You nodded slowly, trying to understand.

"As long as you behave yourself, consider my Knights just as much yours as they are mine."

You were speechless, he had to be joking.

"Of course, I'll always be in charge of them and anything you need goes through me first but...I'll tell them that they'll answer to you as well. How does that sound, princess?"

You couldn't help your laughter. You didn't know what you would ever need the Knights for but just the idea that Kylo was going to be telling them that they had to do what you asked, made you feel proud in some weird way.

Kylo saw the look on your face. "Don't make me regret this..." He said in a warning tone.

Your mischievous grin only widened at that causing Kylo to sigh.

He was already regretting it.

-


	22. Truth or Dare?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Gunplay, dubcon (due to alcohol/drugs).
> 
> A/N: this chapter might not be for everyone but I hope you enjoy regardless!

It had been years since you felt like you belonged somewhere. Since you felt like you were home. 

You weren't sure if you felt like this was it, there were still so many things that you would change if you could.

But being in Kylo's arms felt pretty damn close.

"I want to get drunk." You told Kylo.

He stared at you, trying not to smile, not wanting you to see how much you entertained him. "Drunk?"

You nodded, "Maybe high too."

He sighed, shaking his head, chuckling under his breath. The two of you were still sitting tangled up in each other, in your chair by the window. The sun was gone now and you were able to see all of the lights down below. You had been so serious and panicked almost an hour ago, it took him by surprise that you were switching like this, wanting to just forget it all. He had no idea how much his words had fixed things for you.

"Why's that?" He asked you, his fingers trailing up and down your spine gently.

Your own fingers were running along his dress shirt, feeling the muscles in his chest underneath the material before moving your touch up to the gold chain on his neck, partly hidden under his collar. "It's been a long day and I want to just turn my brain off for a while."

Your eyes met his again, a spark of excitement in them now. "Get drunk with me."

Kylo laughed out loud. He hated the way his heart swelled to see you get excited, it made him feel stupid. "I don't think so." He said, thinking about it, "You aren't supposed to drink to get rid of feelings, it just makes it worse."

Kylo already knew his answer. If it's what you wanted, he would get drunk with you, he couldn't say no to you. But he didn't want you to see him give in so easy because you would definitely take advantage of that in the future.

You rolled your eyes. "When did you start caring about what you're supposed to do? You do bad shit all the time. You probably killed someone today, you aren't supposed to do that."

There was a glint in his eyes, "I did."

You raised your eyebrows, "You did?"

"I killed three people today." He corrected you, "Maybe four, I can't remember."

You tried not to react, not wanting him to think that he scared you, "Oookay..." You said awkwardly.

It was always so easy for you to forget who he really was. The same man who had been pretty much begging you to stay with him, was the same man that was so casual about murder that he couldn't even keep track of how many people he killed that day.

Kylo grinned at you, taking in your flustered expression. You were the only person who made him laugh this easy, even if you didn't mean to.

"Okay." He agreed with you, amused.

"So..." You ducked your head, pressing your lips against his neck. You kissed him there, "You'll get drunk with me, daddy?" You breathed against his skin, noticing the way that his breath hitched as you did so.

He hummed as if he were thinking about it, ignoring the way his pulse quickened at your words. He always liked it when you called him daddy without him prompting you to. "I don't know. I have an other long day tomorrow. I might need some convincing..."

You had no problem with that. You moved your lips so that you were sucking on a spot on his neck where you felt his breathing change the most, running your tongue along it. While you did this, you started moving your hips, grinding against him.

Kylo wrapped his arms further around you, holding you in place so that you wouldn't stop moving your hips against his with a soft sigh.

"I want us to drink," You bit him lightly which earned a groan from him, "And fuck," You ran a hand up to the back of his head and tugged at his hair to pull his head back so you had better access to his neck, "Until I can't remember my name."

Then suddenly, Kylo was standing up, holding you in his arms with your legs wrapped around his waist. "Let's go." He growled, moving towards your door quickly.

You convinced him. 

You were laying on Kylo's couch, feet dangling off of the arm of it while you watched a movie on tv.

Kylo was moving around in the kitchen behind you, you could hear the sound of cabinets opening and glasses clinking together. He told you to get comfortable and he'd take care of it. If it were up to him, that's what he'd tell you everyday.

"Okay, princess," He made his way over to the living room. You felt him sit down on the open end of the couch. You sat up, moving your legs in front of you, facing the coffee table. "I hope you like whiskey." He told you then a grin came over his face, "I guess it wouldn't be the first time I made you drink it." He remembered the way you had licked it off of his shoe, on all fours.

Your skin burned at the memory. You glanced at the ground, although it had been in the bedroom instead of in here, you also drank whiskey from the floor, just because Kylo told you to. You were both so whipped.

Kylo set down two shot glasses of whiskey, along with a mixed drink for each of you, on the table. He handed you one of the shots, holding one for himself as well. His fingers and hands looked so big wrapped around the tiny glass.

"To..." He thought about what the two of you should cheers to then smirked as he thought of it, "To fucking you until you can't think straight tonight."

You laughed out loud at that, not expecting it. You clinked your shot glass against his before putting it up to you lips and quickly swallowing the liquid. You winced, shaking your head at the taste. "Gross." You muttered, reaching for the mixed drink to attempt to wash the flavor away.

Kylo acted as if he had just taken a sip of water. He didn't react at all to the taste of the liquor. He was a lot bigger than you and his tolerance was a lot higher. He was thankful for that, he'd be sober enough to take care of you if he needed to.

You shuddered, glad that the burning was subsiding and Kylo caught your chin in his hand, kissing you hard to distract you from it. You tasted the liquor on his mouth and although it had disgusted you when you drank it, it made you sigh happily tasting it this way.

"Good girl." He praised you when he pulled away with a soft smile causing you to practically melt against him.

Then, "Oh, did you say you wanted to get high?"

About thirty minutes and a few more shots later, there was a knock on the door.

The Knights were here with your weed.

"Come in." Kylo called out. When he was home he never bothered locking his door.

Vicrul and Ushar entered side by side, looking like a gorgeous and rich version of Dumb and Dumber.

You jumped off of the couch excitedly and Kylo trailed behind you, getting distracted by the way your hips and legs looked moving in front of him.

"Did you bring it?" You asked Vicrul. You felt Kylo wrap his arms around you from behind, bending down so that his chin was resting on your shoulder. You were the tipsy one but he felt the rush of alcohol as well, making him less reserved with how affectionate he was with you.

"The weed? Yeah." He shrugged, his tone saying 'duh'. That was the entire reason he was there in the first place. "Hello, by the way, nice to see you too." He said sarcastically since you hadn't even greeted him when they walked in.

"Hey." Ushar said with a nod, trying not to be smug when he saw how Kylo was holding you. Ushar was glad that he'd been the one to point out that Kylo had feelings for you, Kylo just kept proving his point.

You ignored both of them, holding your hand out. "Not the weed." You reminded him.

Vicrul rolled his eyes, "Oh right." He dug into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out the bag of candy you asked him to buy.

It was your first request now that you were in charge of them.

You made Kylo call them right away when he offered the power to you and the way the two of them groaned in frustration on the other line let you know that they were aware of how much you were going to annoy them.

Kylo laughed and you could feel the rumbling of his chest behind you because he was so close. He really had just offered the Knights to you so that you had some sense of ownership but now seeing how you were enjoying abusing your power, he was extremely entertained.

"We had to go to three different stores to find it." Ushar complained, grabbing the bag from your hand so that he could open it and steal some, he deserved it, he thought.

You grinned, almost clapping your hands together excitedly. You were enjoying this too much. "Thank you." You told them, leaning forward to pat both of them on the head like they were dogs.

When you moved your hands away, they were both giving Kylo looks that said 'really?'.

Kylo smirked in response. "It could be worse." He reminded them. If going to a few different stores to get candy was the worst thing they did that day, they should consider themselves lucky. It wasn't always that easy.

He noticed how much more alike the two of you became with the amount of time you spent together. He used to only see parts of Ben in you but now he saw more glimpses of himself, of Kylo. He loved it, you were becoming his little mob boss.

At that thought, Kylo suddenly grabbed you up from behind, scooping you up so that he could walk back over to the couch while carrying you. "Come here, you bad girl." He mumbled under his breath. You let out a small noise of surprise before laughing and letting him hold you, wrapping an arm around his neck.

Vicrul and Ushar shared a wordless look with each other, eyebrows raised. Kylo was so different when he was with you. Not that they were complaining, he was like an actual person when you were around, not a monster. If anything, they appreciated your presence even if it was weird to see.

"Help yourself." Kylo nodded towards the kitchen counter that had a few different bottles of liquor on it and the two men wasted no time in pouring themselves a drink. "And get her an other one." He motioned towards you, helping you sit up since he had basically tossed you onto the couch.

"Kylo, I'll be drunk." You told him, thinking about how you'd feel if you had an other drink.

He raised an eyebrow, "I thought that's what you wanted..." He leaned down and kissed below your ear. "You want to drink and fuck until you can't remember your name, right?" Kylo asked in a quiet voice

You felt heat creep up your neck, hearing your own words come from him. "I do." You admitted.

"Then have another drink, just take it slow. Daddy will take care of you." He assured you. He thought back to how upset you'd been earlier and he wanted to make sure you didn't feel that again, you deserved a night to not think about everything.

That's all you needed to hear. 

Not too much later, the four of you weren't only tipsy but you were also high. And any thoughts of anxiety were far from your mind. You were so thankful.

It was so strange to you. That a few months ago you probably would've been spending your night alone, bored as hell. Or maybe with Hux, but still bored as hell.

But here you were, with Kylo Ren and his Knights, smoking and taking shots of whiskey and laughing like it was no big deal, like you'd all known each other for years. Like these weren't murderous criminals.

Ushar was currently telling a story about how he had accidentally pulled a gun on a pizza man the night before, making all of you laugh just a little too hard because of the weed you just smoked.

"You didn't tell me that he pissed himself." Vicrul was wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Yeah, it was pretty bad. I almost had to threaten him with the gun again just to get him to leave, he was so embarrassed." Ushar laughed, thinking back on the memory himself.

You glanced over at Kylo and saw that he was enjoying himself and it made your heart flutter. He was so serious most of the time. It seemed like he had fun when you two were alone but that was it, it was nice to see him relax when other people were present.

He caught your eye and narrowed them at you but he still had a playful smile on his face as he leaned over to you on the couch with him. "What are you looking at?" He asked you and you giggled at the way his voice was slightly slurred, you'd never seen him like this before.

"You." You answered him with a grin, your giggling only increasing as he bent over so that you had to lay your back against the couch, him looming over you. He ran his hand up your leg, resting it on your thigh while looking down at you with concentrated and slightly squinted eyes, trying to focus on you.

"Are you guys about to fuck?" Ushar interrupted, the tone of his voice was excited, not surprised or disgusted.

"Not right here." You sighed in frustration. Seeing Kylo let go and be comfortable was turning you on somehow, you didn't always get to see this and it made you feel closer to him. Really, you did want to fuck.

"I have a bedroom." Kylo told you, raising his eyebrow suggestively. You glanced at the open bedroom door and contemplated it.

"Well if you guys aren't going to give us a show, I need something to distract me because I'm getting turned on over here." Ushar said bluntly, moving to adjust himself while he watched the way that Kylo's hand rested on your thigh and he way he was leaning over top of you. He couldn't help but think back to when you'd been bent over his knee at that club.

Although Vicrul completely understood what Ushar meant, and felt it himself as well, he tried to change the subject. He didn't want you to feel uncomfortable, having three men leering at you while you had been drinking. "Let's play a game, where are your cards, Kylo?" Vicrul asked, eating the candy from the bag that he brought for you.

"What about truth or dare?" Ushar suggested, straightening up in his seat at the thought of it.

Simultaneously you answered 'okay' while Kylo answered 'no'.

You sent Kylo a pout, bottom lip jutting out with wide eyes.

"Okay, you go first." Ushar said to you, ignoring the way that Kylo groaned and shook his head. You laughed out loud, thinking about the fact that you were drunk and high and playing fucking truth or dare with Kylo and his Knights. It felt like a dream.

"Okay, Kylo, truth or dare?" You asked him with a mischievous grin, also ignoring the way that he clearly didn't want to be involved.

"I'm not playing." He told you, moving so that he was sitting back up instead of leaning over you. He moved your legs off of his lap, wanting you to sit up too. He suddenly felt a little too inebriated, he wanted to sober up so he didn't start doing stupid shit like playing a game with his Knights.

"So dare." You decided for him. You sat up on your knees, facing him. "I dare you to play truth or dare with us." You thought you were so clever.

Kylo's eyes darkened on you, realizing that you were trying to get under his skin on purpose. Brat. "Okay, I'll play, princess." He told you. There was something behind his admission, he was plotting.

It was lost on you, the alcohol rushing to your head.

"Truth or dare, then?" Kylo asked you, eyes scanning up and down your body.

"Dare." You said to him, biting your lip. You were happy that he was giving in and doing this with you, you weren't thinking about how much his demeanor changed.

"I thought so." He mused. He moved so that he was closer to you, his arm around the back of the couch so that he could have you closer. "I dare you to show my Knights how I marked you, show them who you belong to." Kylo murmured in your ear, glancing over at the two men who were at the edge of their seats, trying to listen in to what he was saying to you.

Your skin heated up, knowing what he was telling you to do. To show them his name that was bruised on your ass. "No." You said to him but smiled despite yourself, noticing the way Vicrul and Ushar were staring so intently at the two of you.

"No?" Kylo asked with a smirk. "I can always just show them the pictures then."

You swallowed hard, you had completely forgotten that he took photos of you in that position, bent over the bed with his name shining brightly against your skin.

You looked back over to the two men and saw how they shifted in their seats under your gaze. They were waiting on your next move. They hadn't heard exactly what Kylo said to you and they probably wouldn't even understand what he meant if they had. But they knew it must've involved them from the way the two of you had been glancing at them. They were practically hanging on your every move, desperate to see what he planned.

Kylo nudged you forward, pushing you towards the middle of the room to tell you to stand up from the couch. He studied your reactions carefully, making sure that you were just being shy instead of you actually not wanting to do this. He knew that having his men look at you in the way that they were was turning you on but you were too embarrassed to let that show. He could read your emotions really well right now, you weren't doing a great job hiding them since you weren't sober. He could tell that you didn't hate the idea of this as much as you were letting on.

"The other night at dinner, she really pissed me off," Kylo explained, leaning back against the couch so that he could watch this scene unfold in front of him. "She acted like a whore." He was so casual.

You sent him a look, "Kylo!" You hissed under your breath.

He wasn't phased by it. His men on the other hand were, leaning in closer. They were starting to get the idea of where this was going.

"So I had to remind her who she belongs to." Kylo motioned you over to him with two of his fingers.

You made your way over to him shakily. It was such a rush to be this sexual in front of men who were practically strangers and were looking at you like they wanted to devour you.

Kylo kept his eyes on yours as his fingers worked to unbutton your pants and pull them off over your hips.

You heard the two men behind you inhale and shift as he did so. You were wearing a thong and you felt so exposed.

Kylo pushed your pants down to your ankles then grabbed your ass cheek, slapping you there as he did so. "What do you guys think?" He asked, his voice was low and seductive, fingers running along his name that was still emblazoned on your skin.

"Fuck." Vicrul groaned, leaning his elbows onto his knees so that he could get a closer look at it.

"Jesus." Ushar agreed, on the edge of his seat as well.

The two Knights were extremely turned on by you in general but something about knowing that Kylo controlled you so much when it came to sex, made them even more turned on. It was so dirty and fucked up to see him talk about you in the way that the did in front of them. And it drove them crazy.

"What does it say, princess?" Kylo asked you, his hand still gripping your ass cheek as he looked up at you with a smug look in his eyes. You were the one that wanted him to play, after all, he was just giving you what you wanted.

"Ren." You said in a small voice, biting your lip. You loved this, you really couldn't hide it with the way your head was rushing.

"That's right." Kylo leaned forward to press his lips against his name that was stamped onto your skin. "You belong to who?" His lips were still against your skin as he said it.

Your hands found their way to his hair as if to hold him in place against you which earned a groan from him. "I belong to Kylo Ren." You answered him obediently, your eyes not leaving his in fear of making eye contact with the Knights.

Your words made both of the Knights make a noise of approval, loving the way that it sounded coming from your mouth. Everyone in the room knew it. You belonged to Kylo. And the Knights were praying that he allowed them to watch him destroy you tonight.

"Good girl." Kylo praised you. He moved so that he could grab your hips and turn you around, pulling you onto his leg and wrapping his arms around you so that your back was pressed against him.

You were forced to stare at the men across from you now that you were facing them and being held in place by Kylo's large hands and your skin was on fire from the way they were hungrily staring at you.

He kissed your shoulder, up to your neck. "Your turn." He reminded you of the game you had pouted at him to play. It was the farthest thing from your mind right now.

You locked your eyes with Vicrul's, feeling more comfortable with him than Ushar at the moment. They were both staring at you in the same predatory way but you trusted Vicrul more. "Truth or dare?" You asked him.

"Dare." He said instantly, his voice thick with desire. Vicrul stared at your body, looking up and down at the way you were perched on Kylos leg, wearing just your thong and tshirt.

You thought about it. You glanced down at Kylo over your shoulder and saw that he was staring up at you already. You raised an eyebrow at him and somehow he knew exactly what you meant by it. You were asking him if the four of you were going to do this. If you were going to do what you did together in the VIP room at that club.

Kylo's lip twitched upwards and he gave you a small nod. He didn't mind them watching the two of you. Sharing was a different story but as long as he was the one giving the directions and they still had a level of fear towards him, it really turned him on to see how much they wanted you. They were aching for you and you were his, it made him feel so powerful.

You looked back to Vicrul, almost nervous. "I dare you to come sit with us." You said, putting your hand on the seat next to the two of you, indicating where you wanted him to go. The request seemed simple enough but there was an unspoken meaning behind it. If he was going to join you two on the couch and sit so close to you while Kylo touched you, things weren't going to end innocently.

Vicrul grinned darkly at that, standing up from his seat and making his way over to you two. He took a seat on the couch where your hand had just been, leaning back against it so that he had a good view.

"What about me?" Ushar asked, irritated. He was across the room now, a normal distance away for any setting but this one.

"I want you to watch." You told him, feeling more bold now that you were joined by two powerful men.

"But it's not your turn, you don't get to dare me to do anything." He argued, moving to stand up from his chair because he wanted to be closer to the action.

"Sit down." You reminded him forcefully, raising an eyebrow. "It doesn't matter if it's my turn in the game or not. I'm in charge of you now and you have to listen to me. I want you to sit and I want you to watch." You repeated, your voice unwavering.

This caused Kylo to chuckle underneath you, squeezing his grip on your waist affectionately. He was struck again with this feeling of looking into a mirror when he looked at you, he loved it.

Ushar took a deep breath then sat back down, glaring at you. As much as hated being far away, a part of him did enjoy being bossed around by you.

"Mmm, I like seeing you like this." Kylo said to you, his lips going back to your neck while one hand on your waist ran up to your breast, squeezing you.

You sighed against him, subconsciously moving your hips so that you were grinding against his leg, trying to get friction. "You made me like this." You reminded him breathlessly. It was true. He was the one who showed you this kind of lifestyle and he was the reason you were addicted to it. It had been his goal all along and he accomplished it. He broke you in the best way.

Kylo cussed under his breath at the feeling against his thigh and at your words and Vicrul made a similar noise, being able to see the movement from where he was sitting.

"Truth or dare?" Vicrul asked you, saying your name out loud to get your attention.

You thought about it. "Dare." You said, repeating what everyone else had answered with so far.

Vicrul stared at Kylo for a moment and you weren't able see how the man under you was reacting because your back was facing him. However the way that he looked at Vicrul, made him say, "I dare you to get naked."

Your eyes widened at that. You glanced behind you and saw Kylo staring up at you with an amused look in his eye. He gave you a nod, as if to tell you, 'go ahead' before helping you to get up from his lap.

You stood up in front of him, collecting yourself as you glanced at the different pairs of eyes on you. If you were sober you might've been nervous or maybe even partly self conscious but with the alcohol in your veins, you felt confident. You were in a room with these three powerful men and all they cared about was you.

You bit your lip at the thought. You had them wrapped around your finger. Most people would kill just to get their attention, sexual or otherwise, and here you were, able to captivate them just by taking your pants off.

You turned slightly so that you could stare at Kylo while you grabbed at your shirt and pulled it over your head, feeling the most comfortable keeping eye contact with him while doing so.

His eyes scanned over your body slowly, now that you were in just your bra and underwear. You were perfect and it made him proud to show you off.

You tossed your shirt onto the couch and he grabbed it, setting it down on the arm next to him, even in this setting he couldn't help but be daddy.

Your bra and underwear soon followed, although more hesitantly which also joined him on the couch's arm. You weren't sure what to do now, being naked in front of three clothed men.

Kylo gave you an answer, grabbing for your hand so that you could take your seat on his lap just where you had been a moment ago, straddling one of his thighs and facing your back towards him. He pulled you close. His close touch reassured you that he was there and even if you felt exposed, when he was around you knew you were safe.

"Holy shit." Ushar groaned. He was still obediently sitting across the room and his hands were gripping the seat of the chair underneath him. He was clearly not used to having to restrain himself this much.

You stole a quick glance at Vicrul who had been silent since he dared you to take your clothes off. You realized the reason for this was that he was having to hold himself back too, his eyes were so intense on your body and his chest was heaving.

This felt so wrong but it was just as hot to you as it was to them. You were the only one who was naked and you could feel the material of Kylo's dress pants against the heat between your legs from the way he'd made you straddle him.

"I think it's your turn, princess." Kylo whispered in your ear, his lips going to the back of your neck.

You couldn't even remember what he was talking about for a second and then you remembered the reason for all of this. You were playing truth or dare. The only reason why Kylo was even bringing it up again was because he wanted to show you what happened when you acted like a brat, you get treated like one. You forced him to play and now you were going to have to.

Although this was an intense moment, it didn't do much to sober you and trying to think of something for one of them to do or say wasn't coming easy to you right now.

Kylo noticed how you were thinking and he leaned his lips up to your ear. "He might explode if you don't give him some attention." He said, motioning his head towards Ushar.

You laughed at that, seeing the way that the man across from the three of you looked like he was to pop a vein any minute from the way he was keeping himself far away in his seat. "Ushar, truth or dare?" You asked him.

"Dare." He said instantly, almost interrupting you.

You liked this power you had over him and you couldn't help yourself. "I dare you to touch yourself. But you have to stay over here."

Ushar groaned out loud in frustration and the two men on the couch with you laughed at his reaction. "Are you serious?" He asked.

You stood up from Kylo's lap and made your way over to Ushar, feeling the gaze of Kylo and Vicrul on you as you did so.

"Did you forget that I'm in charge here? I'm daring you to touch yourself. So fucking do it." You said to him in as powerful of a voice as you could manage considering how naked you were and how everyone was watching you.

Ushar actually moaned at that, having you be so close to him and telling him what to do. He liked it. He made sure his eyes were locked on yours as he undid his pants and pulled them down, bringing his erection out from his underwear.

You grinned at that and reached forward to pat the top of his head, just like you had earlier, like a dog. Before moving back to Kylo, taking your seat back onto his thigh, right where you knew you belonged.

"Okay fine, Kylo, I dare you to touch her, fucking kiss her or something." Ushar said in a rushed tone, running his hand along his cock, trying to listen to your directions that you gave him.

Kylo wrapped an arm around you so that his hand was against your thigh, holding you close. "What if I wanted truth?" He asked like a smart ass. Kylo was hard underneath you, getting worked up from the way that you were being such a dirty girl for him and showing off in front of his (and well, yours now too) men for him.

Vicrul was openly laughing next to the two of you as he took a sip from the drink he brought over to the couch with him, finding Ushar's desperateness hilarious. There was no denying though, how hard he was himself as he observed everything.

"If I'm gonna do this," Ushar motioned towards his hand, "I need to see something." He said pleadingly.

Kylo hummed, keeping his eyes locked on you as he pretended to think about it. "Your call." He said to you, his fingers digging into your thigh as he did so. He had no problem kissing you and touching you right now but he wanted to make sure it was something you wanted.

You turned so that you could lean down and press your lips against Kylo's, your head spinning from the adrenaline of all of this and from the alcohol you had. Your arm moved so that your hand was able to find the back of his head in the position that you were in, holding him in place against you.

Kylo moved his hand up from your thigh to your breast where he squeezed you before running his long fingers over your nipple, pinching you and teasing you. You felt his cold rings against your skin, making your nipples harden even more.

You were already moaning for him, grinding your naked pussy against his clothed thigh.

"Careful, princess," Kylo breathed against your lips, "You're going to get my pants all wet." He taunted you, squeezing your nipple while he said it.

You might've been embarrassed any other time but you were pretty high and his statement made you giggle against him, biting his bottom lip playfully. "Sorry, daddy." You said which caused him to chuckle in pleasure.

You noticed out of the corner of your eye that Vicrul's hand was running along his cock through his pants, his other hand clutching his glass of whiskey while he watched the show that was barely a foot away from him.

You felt bold knowing that you had an audience and you moved one of your hands down to Kylo's crotch where you ran your fingers along his hardening length being held back by his pants, sighing against his lips at the feeling of it.

He moaned at that, twitching slightly under your touch. His hand that was on your breast now went up to wrap around your neck. "I want you to suck my cock." He told you, his voice deep with arousal. Kylo was in it now, fully turned on by the filthy things the four of you were doing, now that he knew you wanted it as much as he did, there was no turning back.

"Is that a dare?" You asked him with a bratty smile which caused him to squeeze your neck until you gasped for breath.

"That's an order." He hissed and slammed his lips against yours briefly. "Don't embarrass me in front of our guests. Be a good girl or I'll make you choke on it."

You went to move off from his lap so that you could get on the floor to do so but he 'tsk'ed you under your breath and held you in place. "Bend over." He instructed you, "Give Vicrul something to look at."

You glanced at Vicrul over your shoulder and you saw a knowing smirk on his face as he stared at you. Your skin heated up at how exposed you were about to be to him but the thought excited you. You got off Kylo's leg so that you were able to put your knees on the couch cushion and lean over Kylo's thigh, putting your face right up next to his cock. With the way that you were positioned, your ass was in the air and facing Vicrul, letting him see how you wet you were.

Ushar groaned from across the room, his hand pumping his shaft up and down. "Fuck." You heard him say as he watched what was going on in front of him. It was like his own personal porn.

As your fingers fumbled against Kylo's belt and pants, you could feel Vicrul's eyes burning against you, against how exposed you were to him and you heard him let out a small noise of being impressed by you.

Kylo could feel you struggling so he assisted you, undoing his belt and pants and pulling them down over his hips along with his underwear. His large cock sprung free from the material which made you sigh in pleasure. He was so gorgeous, every part of him, you thought.

"Look at me." Kylo instructed you and you looked up at him with wide eyes, feeling so small underneath his in this position. "Open your mouth." He told you and you instantly obliged.

Kylo grasped at your hair, pulling at it so that your neck was extended and you were in just the perfect position for him to spit into your waiting mouth.

You made a small noise of surprise at the feeling and then at the way that Kylo pushed your head back in front of his cock. "Spit on daddy's cock, get it wet, princess."

You worked up enough of your own spit to mix with his on your tongue and let it drip onto his cock that you were gripping in your hand.

You heard the two men in the room groan at this.

"Shit." Vicrul breathed from behind you and he wasn't able to help himself. He set his glass down on the side table before undoing his own pants and pulling out his erection, his hand instantly going to touch it. He had no shame at this point, it was clear no one else in the room did either.

You wrapped your lips around him, bending down so that you could take as much of him in your mouth that you were comfortable with, sighing at the way that it felt.

Kylo moved a hand down to your ass, his fingers running along his bruised name while his other hand was at the back of your head, gentle but firm as if to remind you that it was up to him if you kept sucking or not.

"I bet you want someone to touch you, don't you?" Kylo teased you. You were the only one who wasn't getting pleasured at the moment, even if the other men were touching themselves, they were still getting something.

You nodded against him with a whine. You were almost hurting, you wanted him to touch you so badly.

"How wet is she?" Kylo asked Vicrul, his hand on your ass smacking you as he did so.

Vicrul's eyes were trained closely on you, noticing the way he could see how wet you were. "She's almost dripping." He answered in a groan, his hand speeding up the movements on himself.

Kylo smirked, growling under his breath at that and at the way that Vicrul's words made you whimper.

He thought about it, helping you move your head up and down on him almost forcefully. Kylo looked over at Vicrul casually, as if he wasn't currently getting a blow job. "Get out your gun."

You faltered your movements against him, freezing at that. A gun? You and Kylo had done things like that before but you'd always been alone with him, this added a new level of danger and as much as you wanted to hate it and use your safe word, the thrill of it made you moan.

Vicrul stared at Kylo for a moment in disbelief. This felt like a test, like Kylo was seeing how much self control he had. But then the look at Kylo sent him told him wordlessly to hurry up and listen to him and Vicrul's hand went to the gun that was in his jacket pocket, gingerly pulling it out.

Ushar was nervous across the room but didn't stop touching himself. This also felt like a test to him. He was hoping that Vicrul didn't fuck anything up, he was enjoying this too much.

Kylo reached above you and took the gun from Vicrul. He grabbed your hair and pulled your head off of his shaft, your lips making a 'pop' noise from the loss contact.

He held the gun up to your mouth. You stared at him in concern, wondering what exactly he wanted you to do but then he tapped it against your lips and you reflexively opened your mouth, allowing him to slip the barrel of the gun in between your lips, running it along your tongue.

You let out a stifled moan at that, feeling the way the cold barrel felt inside of your warm mouth. Kylo was staring at you in a concentrated way, loving how unapologetically sexy you were being. He knew your inhibitions were down because you were tipsy but he also knew that this is what you would want if you were sober, you'd just be more reserved about it.

When he decided it was wet enough, he pulled the gun from your mouth and bent down so that he was eye level with you. "Vicrul's gonna fuck you with this gun while you suck my cock. Do you want that?" He asked you, searching to see if you had any hesitation.

You let out a shaky breath. "I do." You decided. It was so fucked up but you wanted it so badly... You were definitely going to be embarrassed when you woke up in the morning but right now it was all you cared about.

Kylo handed the gun back to the man behind you and gave him a nod.

Vicrul raised his eyebrows to ask, 'really?'.

"This is as close as you'll ever get to fucking her so you better take this opportunity while you can." Kylo warned him.

Ushar was watching the scene play out in front of him with a shocked but impressed look on his face. This was far from the most messed up thing he'd ever done but this was definitely on his top five list of hottest things to happen to him, he decided.

Kylo put a hand on your cheek, rubbing your skin softly, reminding you that even though this situation was intense, he was still there.

Vicrul shakily held the barrel of the gun up to your entrance, running it along your folds.

You whimpered and moved your hips back, letting him know that it was okay to actually do it. You wanted this.

He hissed under his breath, it was so hot to see you like this. You were always in control when you were around the Knights, now look at you. At that, he slowly moved the gun so that it was inside of you, making you gasp in pleasure.

Kylo pressed his lips against yours, "Good girl." He praised you. He moved back so that he could watch the way Vicrul was pumping the gun in and out of you. "You're my perfect dirty girl. So filthy for daddy." He started touching himself a similar pace as Vicrul was using for you, captivated.

It wasn't very deep due to the size of the weapon but just knowing that you were being fucked by something so dangerous and were in such a shameful position made your head swim, moaning out loud at the idea of it.

"This is so fucked up." Ushar laughed breathily from across the room but the way his hand was moving faster on his cock made it apparent that he loved how fucked up it was.

Kylo leaned down and kissed the top of your head softly and you thought your heart was going to explode. The contrast of his gentleness and what was being done to you right now really summed up how you felt about your relationship with him.

You moved back down so that you could take his dick into your mouth, your lips brushing against his hand that was moving up and down as you did so.

"Oh fuck, just like that." Kylo moaned, his head tilting back slightly at the feeling of it. He looked down at you and felt this overwhelming feeling for you. You were so perfect for him in the most twisted way.

Vicrul was behind you, touching himself as he watched the way the weapon in his hand was fucking you. He had so much power in this moment but also none at all. It didn't matter what he wanted to do. He could fuck you or he could kill you right now, he had that ability. But he'd never do either because Kylo was staring at him and that was who he answered to.

"I'm gonna cum soon, princess. You're doing such a good job, you're my good girl. Fuck, that feels amazing." Kylo was speaking nonsense. This was so hot to him and you were so good at sucking his dick that he was finding it hard to hold back.

Vicrul started moving the gun inside of you at a quicker pace, noticing the way that you were meeting your hips back against it, wanting more of it. You were moaning like crazy against Kylo's cock, trying so hard to reach your orgasm as well but you weren't sure you'd be able to from just the gun.

"Don't cum yet, that's my job." Kylo muttered lowly to you, getting jealous at the thought of you finishing because of someone else's movements.

You whimpered at that, loving how possessive he could get over you. Even with you naked and being fucked, technically, by someone else, you were still his. You were completely his.

"Right there, princess, don't fucking stop." Kylo's hand on your ass squeezed you, grabbing at his name on your skin. You were his. The thought of it made him groan loudly, the sound coming out almost like a whine as he felt his muscles tense, his orgasm washing over him hard. He continued to grip you tighter as he came in your mouth, feeling the way that it shot down your throat.

You moaned loudly at the feeling, swallowing him quickly, your hips sloppily rocking against the gun. You noticed out of the corner of your eye the way that Ushar was becoming rushed with his motions as well, probably just as close as Kylo had been.

After steadying himself, Kylo helped you move your face away from him and he motioned to Vicrul. "Move. It's my turn."

Vicrul paused, not sure exactly what he was supposed to do but then seeing the serious look on Kylo's face made him remove the weapon from inside of you, moving off of the couch as he did so. He continued touching himself through all of this, too far to stop now while he moved to the seat next to the couch, giving Kylo what he asked for.

Kylo was mumbling praise under his breath for you as he helped you lay your back against the couch, settling down in between your legs. He immediately began licking your pussy, going right to the spots that the knew drove you crazy. He really knew just how to touch you, it always took you by surprise how good he was at reading your body, and your mind for that matter.

You arched your back with a moan, tangling your fingers in his hair while you ground your clit against his tongue, needing release so badly.

Kylo hummed against you, feeling how desperate you were. He barely even remembered the two men in the room watching and touching themselves at the sight of what he was doing because all he could focus on was you and how beautiful you looked coming undone underneath him.

"Oh my god." You whined, gripping his hair as you felt yourself starting to feel tense and warm, that familiar feeling. "Kylo, oh my god." You repeated, your hips moving at a faster pace against him, riding out the wave that was starting to crash over you.

Kylo didn't change his pace, knowing that what he was doing right now was exactly what you needed.

If you had been coherent enough you would've noticed the way that Ushar and Vicrul both came, cussing loudly as they did so. They had been trying to hold out for as long as possible but they couldn't help themselves once they heard the noises you were making.

You let out a loud moan, pulling at Kylo's hair as your orgasm hit you, your back almost completely lifted of off the couch as you tensed underneath him. You were saying his name almost like a chant, 'Kylo' over and over again as you convulsed in pleasure.

"Good girl." Kylo praised you, pressing a gentle kiss against your clit which made you twitch, sensitive. 

After a few moments, all four of you were fully dressed and sitting in your original spots. Out of breath and slightly sweaty. None of you could look at each other, sober now after everything that had just taken place.

Kylo stood up and gathered you in his arms and started making his way with you to his room so that he could take care of you. You were almost asleep against him, you were exhausted. He was going to get a bath started for you so that the two of you could lay there together for a while before heading to bed.

"Clean this shit up." He instructed the Knights, pointing to the empty bottles and food wrappers and tissues on the table. "You can stay the night here but be out before I wake up."

The two men avoided eye contact but nodded.

Once Kylo had his back turned towards them, he broke out into a grin. He had so much power.

"Let's go to bed, princess." He said to you in a sweet voice, kissing you softly as he shut the bedroom door behind him.


	23. Leave

That was by far the most fucked up sleepover you'd ever been involved in.

The Knights had passed out almost instantly in the living room when Kylo left them alone, feeling exhausted from everything that took place that night. Drugs and sex included.

You were tired too but seeing how Kylo was in 'taking care of you' mode, you decided you could stay awake. You loved when he was like this, gentle and attentive.

Kylo made his way to his bathroom, still holding you in his arms as he started running his bathwater. He set you onto the counter and you giggled slightly at that, feeling stupid sitting up there, like a little kid.

Despite himself, he grinned at your reaction and leaned down so that he could kiss you.

As Kylo lowered you into the bathtub, you let out a satisfied sigh, feeling the warm water around your body. He didn't have bubbles or girly smelling soap like you did at your apartment but you would take it.

"Can I join you?" Kylo asked you with a smirk, looking down at you.

He expected you to brush him off or tell him that he was too big to get in with you but instead you looked up at him with wide eyes. "Please do." You requested, wanting him close to you.

Kylo swallowed hard at that, feeling his heart speed up. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to you being openly affectionate with him like this. He just wasn't familiar with someone wanting to be close to him, wanting him by their side. He could deny it all he wanted, he knew that he loved it, regardless of how nervous it made him.

He took his clothes off and slowly lowered himself into the bath with you.

You laughed at the way the water rose up to the top of the tub with how much space he took up and then moved so that you could lay your back against his chest, settled in between his legs. He barely fit, he had to move his legs up, his knees out of the water. But he didn't mind.

The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for a while, loving how calming this felt.

Your mind started wandering, "That time..." You trailed off, running your fingers along the surface of the water to distract yourself.

You stopped talking, deciding you didn't want to do this right now.

Kylo frowned and tried to look at you from his position but it was hard since he was behind you. "What is it, princess?" He asked you softly.

You took a deep breath. "There was that time when you tried to hurt me, you tried to push me away. When we got back from that trip and we were in the shower together and you said all those lies to me..."

He tensed underneath you, he hated to think about it.

"You said something...about how if you cared about me, you wouldn't even let your Knights look at me..." You briefly glanced back at him, nervous. "Was that a lie?" If he really meant it, that meant that he still didn't care about you after what the four of you did tonight.

Kylo was caught off guard and he was scared to answer you. He averted his eyes from your gaze. If he told the truth it would mean that he was saying he cared about you. And although it was clear at this point that he did care about you, that didn't mean it was easy for him to admit.

He didn't say anything for a long time and you took that as an admission of guilt.

You moved so that you could start to stand up, wanting out from the bathtub and away from him.

Kylo said your name and you ignored it.

"Kylo, get off of me. I want to go to my apartment." You sighed.

He grabbed your hand and pulled you back down into the water, your feet almost slipping out from under you as he did so.

You were facing him now, on your knees in between his thighs and he held you forcefully in place so that you didn't try to leave.

"I was lying about that too. If I didn't give a shit about you I would've let them actually fuck you a long time ago. You're mine...You're the only one... Do you understand?" He was staring at you intensely. Although it was pretty obvious at this point to everyone that he had feelings for you, he didn't have the energy to say it out loud right now, it was so hard for him.

You noticed how he always had to ask 'do you understand', because he genuinely could never tell if he was explaining his feelings well enough. It was endearing to you, even in this moment.

You stared at him for a moment, reading his expression. "I understand." You assured him, leaning forward to kiss him. It wasn't exactly what you were looking for. But you'd take this for now.

You settled back against him, letting him wrap his arms around you. He sighed in relief, glad that you had trusted him right away and he didn't have to figure out other ways to express himself.

"It was a lot different this time. Did you notice?" Kylo asked, his fingers running along your arms with feather like touches.

"What do you mean?"

"Last time with the Knights, in that club...you were at our mercy, I was controlling you." You blushed slightly at the memory, "Tonight you were calling the shots just as much as I was." He said, amused at how you had ordered Ushar to sit in his seat and he listened.

You smirked slightly as you realized that. Everything was different now. You were more confident and you knew how much power you could have if you allowed yourself to have it. It felt good.

"Be careful or I'm going to start calling the shots for you too." You warned him teasingly.

Kylo almost smirked, "I might like that." He mused, thinking about it, then bent his neck so that he could kiss your neck, relaxing you. 

When you woke up in the morning, you tried your hardest to go to back to sleep. Not really because you were tired. But mainly because you didn't want to face the real world after what you had done the night before.

Did you regret being fucked by a gun in Vicrul's hand while you sucked Kylo off and Ushar watched? Not really.

Actually, not at all. It was awesome.

When Kylo spanked you in front of the Knights in the VIP room at that club, it had been less intimate than last night. It was easy to just pretend it didn't happen before but you weren't sure if you'd be able to do that now, you'd have to see how the Knights treated you now.

Your hand skimmed across the sheets underneath you, trying to find Kylo. He wasn't there.

You squinted your eyes as you tried to see what time it was on your phone on the nightstand next to you. It was almost 10 AM which meant that Kylo had probably been awake for hours. 

When you walked into the living room, you froze in place at what you saw.

It was Kylo (of course, this was his apartment after all).

But he was shirtless and sweaty and lifting weights. And he looked so fucking good.

You stood there in silence as you watched him. You didn't want to scare him and risk the possibility of him dropping one of the heavy dumbbells but also... you were enjoying the show.

"I can see you, princess." He huffed in between his movements of pumping the weight up and down, keeping his eyes on his motions instead of on you.

"Oh...Hi." You said, smirking. You had been caught.

After a few more reps, he set the weight on the ground and looked over at you. He ran his hand through his hair, moving it away from his eyes. "You're not very sneaky." He commented. "You really are a pervert, you know that?"

"I know." You agreed, making your way over to him. You had no shame when it came to staring at him, it wasn't your fault that he was so hot and basically dangling it in front of you.

"And a thief." He noted, you were wearing one of his shirts.

"Want it back?" You asked teasingly, lifting up the side of it to expose your bare skin on your side. Besides your underwear, you were naked underneath.

"Yeah, give it to me." Kylo joked, grabbing you by the material and pulling you towards him so that you were pressed against him. He was sitting down so he was closer to being eye level with you than normal.

He tilted his head up and pressed his lips against yours, still grasping at the material of his shirt. "You know, I was thinking," He murmured against you. "I never taught you how to fight." He said, his hand sneaking up under the shirt to squeeze at the indent of your waist.

You laughed, caught off guard by that statement. "I can fight." You said defensively. Really, you weren't sure if you could. You had never attempted to before. But you didn't like Kylo needing to 'teach' you anything.

"What about that man in the alley then?" Kylo asked, moving farther away from you so that his lips weren't brushing against yours. You were silent at that question. "Or what if Snoke would've had those troopers grab you and pull you into the limo? Could you have fought them off if you needed to?"

You didn't want to answer that honestly. "Sure." You said cautiously, lying.

Kylo couldn't help but laugh. He nudged you so that you moved away from him so that he could stand up. "Okay then, take me down."

Your mind instantly went to Hux's words to you, "I need you to help me take down Kylo Ren." and your stomach twisted at the thought of ever betraying the man in front of you.

You tried not to show it, laughing it off. "I thought you wanted to teach me how to fight, not how to fuck."

He rolled his eyes at you, fighting the smile that wanted to make it's way onto his lips. "I'm talking about fighting...You already know how to fuck." He said knowingly. Then when you didn't make a move, he wrapped his arm around your neck, putting you in a headlock and turning you so that your back was pressed against his front. "I come up behind you and do this. What's your next move?"

You frowned, remembering that this was what happened to you when that drunk man pulled you into the alleyway to rob you and you had been defenseless against him. You attempted to move out of Kylo's grip, elbow him, and maneuver your legs so that you could kick at his. But nothing was making him budge. He was like a big, unmovable fridge.

Then, thinking, you smirked slightly to yourself as you brought your fist down to connect with his inner thigh. You didn't hit his balls but you were letting him know that was what you wanted to do and you could've done it if you wanted to actually hurt him.

Kylo quickly jumped out of the way, inhaling sharply. That was close. "Fuck." He muttered then laughed, "I should've known you'd fight dirty." He purred in your ear, squeezing his arm around your throat.

You let out a small noise at that, loving the way his deep voice sounded.

"You can't do anything to get out of this, can you?" Kylo asked, back to business. He couldn't deny the way that it gave him a rush to have you so weak in his arms but this was important, he wanted you to be able to defend yourself if you needed to.

You sighed, trying a few more things that ended up being futile. "Okay, fine. Fuck, I give up." You sighed against his grip.

Kylo let you go and moved his hair out of his face, blowing it away and running his hand through it. "I'll teach you a few moves."

You weren't really listening, you were distracted. "Let me pull your hair back for you."

He frowned, "What? No." He was irritated that you weren't focused on what he was trying to do.

"Isn't it annoying? You'd be able to beat my ass easier if you could see it." You teased him which made him actually laugh.

"Princess, I could beat your ass with my eyes closed." Kylo smirked and you believed it. 

But even so, a few moments later, Kylo was sitting on the ground with you on the couch behind him so that you could be at the right angle to put his hair back. All it took was a few seconds of pouting and a few 'please daddy's, for him to do it but he was sitting underneath you with a scowl on his face.

"Ouch." He muttered, wincing at the way you accidentally pulled his hair. "What's taking so long?" He asked, grumpy.

You bit your tongue to keep from laughing. "I took a bit of creative liberty."

"What?" He snapped and moved his head to look at you but then cussed when it made you accidentally pull his hair again.

You told Kylo you wanted to just pull the front part of his hair back to keep it out of his eyes but then when he sat down and you started doing it, you got distracted by how soft and pretty it was...To make a long story short, you were braiding the top part of his hair with a big grin on your face as you did so.

"Just relax." You scolded him, "Doesn't it feel good?"

Kylo said nothing to that, slumping against the couch. He realized that it did feel good. He never had someone do this for him, play with his hair like this. It was soothing and he found himself shutting his eyes and letting you do what you wanted.

You spent the next several minutes, braiding the top section of his hair in a comfortable silence. You could've sworn that you saw Kylo even dozing off a few times, being completely at ease with your hands moving against his scalp.

A month ago you would've considered strangling him, having him be so close with his guard down like this. But now all you wanted to do was play with his hair.

Everything was so different.

When you decided that the braids looked the way you wanted them, you tapped his shoulder to wake him up and laughed at the way he jumped at the contact. He had been so relaxed.

"Too tired to beat my ass?" You asked him teasingly, moving off from the couch.

"Never." He said though he bit back a yawn. 

Over the next hour, Kylo taught you some self defense moves and although you did act a little bratty a few times (like when you would dramatically pretend to be hurt every time he touched you or when you would ignore his instructions of how to do certain moves and just bite him instead), you actually did learn a few things from it.

It made Kylo nervous to think about you getting attacked or hurt. It eased his mind to know that you could handle yourself for the most part, even if you hadn't spent that much time on it.

The two of you were standing his kitchen now, catching your breath.

"Hux is out of town tonight." Kylo said casually, taking a drink of the water in his hand.

"He is?" You asked, frowning. It didn't matter much to you now considering the state of your 'relationship' with him but it did surprise you how little you knew about him lately. If you had never met Kylo, you'd be concerned about it.

"Yeah with Snoke," He confirmed, "So do you want to go on a business deal with me and the Knights tonight?" He asked you over his shoulder as he made his way back to the bench he had been sitting on when you first walked in.

"That seems really stupid." You said, thinking about it, "You don't think that'll get back to Hux at all?"

Kylo looked up at you with a smirk, "Remember that truck of mob items that never got unloaded?" At your nod he continued, "We found out who's responsible... It won't be getting back to Hux." He explained. You understood. They were going to kill the people they were meeting up with.

"Why would I want to be there for that?" You asked as you made your way closer to where he was now.

Kylo picked up a weight and despite himself, he realized how he didn't need to push his hair away as he did so, it was nice. "We're meeting them at this bar a few blocks from here that I think you'd like. You wouldn't be around for any of the serious stuff." He glanced up at you before he began pumping his arms up and down, holding the large weights in his hands. "Thought you might want to get dressed up for daddy." He said with huffs of breath in between his movements.

You almost swooned. You thought about it. You'd be putting yourself in danger (on several levels) by going. But... you stared at him and sighed. It didn't take much for him to convince you.

At the thought, you walked over to him. "I'll go." You agreed before lowering yourself onto the floor in front of him.

"What are you doing?" Kylo asked, pausing.

"I'll go to the deal with you but first I want to suck your cock while you work out." You explained bluntly. You couldn't help it. The way he was wearing only a pair of sweatpants and gold chains and he was sweaty and looked so good with his hair braided back... "Don't stop." You told him, nodding your head towards the weights in his hands, wanting him to continue his exercises.

Kylo's eyebrows raised and he chuckled breathlessly. "Dirty girl."

You realized how accurate Kylo was in saying that it wouldn't get back to Hux that you were there with him tonight. You were currently standing in a private room in the back of this bar and you hadn't even gone through the main set of doors to get there. It was like you guys were celebrities, it was weird but you couldn't lie, it did make you feel important.

It was you, him and the Knights. And after a few minutes, three more men joined the nine of you in the private room, the ones who Kylo was going to kill. You realized that these men must have no idea what they were walking into. They were currently excitedly talking to Kylo in the corner, probably thrilled to be somewhere with someone so important.

You didn't say anything because you didn't want to give him an excuse to take it out. But it made you grin like an idiot when you saw that Kylo had decided to take the braids out that you had put into the top section of his hair but still kept the pieces tied back in a low bun. Kylo liked not having to deal with it in his eyes, even though he'd never admit it since you were the one to show him, not wanting to give you the satisfaction.

"Long time, no see." You heard a voice from your side and when you turned you saw Vicrul and Ushar making their way to you.

You chuckled, "Something like that." You mused. They must've gotten out of Kylo's apartment long before you woke up because the place had been spotless and you assumed it hadn't been Kylo picking everything up. Your worries of the two men being awkward around you after what happened were starting to fade away. So far, they were the same as they normally were, thank god.

"Look familiar?" Ushar teased you, opening up his jacket to reveal the gun that he had placed inside of the pocket. Seeing it made all three of you think back to the night before and the way that you had been bent over, riding and whining against a similar weapon. Your skin burned while the two men looked at you with suggestive grins. Yup, they were acting normal.

"What about me? Kylo, I dare you to fucking touch her or something, please." You begged in a fake deep voice, mocking Ushar's words from the night before and the way that he had been so desperate to be involved. "How about that? Does that look familiar?" You countered him with a smirk.

Vicrul was openly laughing and he clasped a hand on Ushar's shoulder as if to say, 'she got you there'. While Ushar looked at you with an almost shocked but impressed reaction. The Knights gave people a lot of shit but besides each other, no one ever really gave it back to them. They were amused by the way you were able to.

When the laughter died down, you looked at Vicrul. "I want a vodka soda with a lime." You said matter of factly.

He shrugged, confused. "Okay?"

"Go get me one." You told him, the humor from your expression gone.

There was a beat of surprise as he processed this but then he remembered how Kylo had made them just as much your men as they were his. He couldn't help but laugh and shake his head at you, "Right away, ma'am." He said sarcastically, turning to make his way towards the bar.

Ushar was smirking at you and before he could comment on how bossy you were, you felt an arm snake around your waist. "Are you two behaving?" Kylo's voice asked, somehow already knowing the answer.

"You should be asking her that, not me." Ushar said with a shrug.

Kylo hummed under his breath, looking down at you with narrowed eyes as if he were trying to figure out if you were being bad or not. You looked up at him with an innocent smile, comically batting your eyelashes.

"You know, I used to think she was too nice for you but she really is a mini Kylo Ren." Ushar commented and he already had a smirk on his face because he knew how much you'd hate to hear that.

Simultaneously, you said, 'I'm not' while Kylo said, 'She is'.

You wanted to argue with that but then Vicrul was back and sheepishly handing you a drink, "They only had lemons, I'm sorry, is that okay? I can tell them to get limes from the kitchen." He asked and he seemed genuinely nervous to ask, as if you were going to be upset with him over a damn lemon.

Kylo sent you a look that said, 'see? they're scared of you like they're scared of me' and you couldn't help but roll your eyes. Okay, that was unfair timing.

You took the drink from Vicrul, "That's fine. Thank you." You said to him in a sweeter way than usual to prove your point to Kylo, that you were nothing like him.

"Are you going to be a good girl and sit here while we take care of things?" Kylo asked you, glancing over at the three men who were talking to the rest of the Knights, oblivious.

You looked around the room. With them gone, it would just be you and the few bartenders that were hanging around. It wouldn't be thrilling but you could handle it. "Sure."

You were sitting at the bar, scrolling through your phone as you sipped on the drink that Vicrul had gotten for you. Kylo and the Knights took the men down in the basement so that they could "take care of things". It always surprised you to see how widely spread mob ties were. Clearly, whoever owned this building owed them a favor or two to allow them to use their basement.

You tried not think about what they could be doing down there. It made you worry. As in control as Kylo was there was always room for error and error when it came to the mafia could be fatal.

"Hi." You heard next to you and when you turned your head you saw that it was one of the bartenders who looked like he just finished his shift.

"Hey." You said, glancing at him before turning your attention back to your phone. You were too nervous to make small talk right now.

He introduced himself, then, "I just got off." He shared with you, motioning towards the bar.

"Awesome." You said, not even looking at him. You weren't interested and you weren't sure how to make that any more clear.

He faltered for a moment, not expecting this response. He was handsome and it wasn't very often that he was just brushed off like this. "Are you okay? I'm not sure I've see you smile the entire time you've been here."

"What's there to smile about?" You snapped at him, glancing at him again. You sighed, "I'm sorry I don't mean to be a bitch... Well, I guess I am a bitch but I'm not in a good mood." You let him know, taking a sip of your drink.

"Well if you want something to cheer you up...I'm free now that I'm off work." He said to you, trying to be smooth about it.

You looked back at him with a face that said, 'are you serious?'. "Did you not see who I'm here with?"

He said nothing in response. He understood that you were there with mafia members but you were now sitting there alone and he assumed they left you there or something. He didn't know that you were Kylo's girl.

"Oh." He was embarrassed now and slightly nervous. "I didn't know one of them was your boyfriend."

You smirked at that, "Eight of those men are my boyfriends and they all have guns that they'd love to use on you if you don't back off."

Of course, you didn't actually consider the Knights your boyfriends but it was easy to say it like that instead of having to explain the real situation. Technically the only person who was your actual boyfriend was god knows where but definitely not in this building.

The man put his hands up in surrender and slowly got off of the bar stool. "Say less." He said then as he walked away you heard him mumble, "Crazy bitch."

You couldn't help but grin to yourself, Kylo would be proud.

A few minutes later, one of the working bartenders moved down towards you from the other side of the bar. "Ma'am, I'm so sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." 

"What?" You asked, shocked.

"Well I guess you threatened one of our employees." She said sheepishly, nervous to be the one to deliver this news. "I'm sorry, I'm sure you didn't mean it but my manager sent me to tell you."

"Oh, Jesus Christ." You rolled your eyes and finished your drink, "No problem." You told her, not wanting to direct your irritation towards her specifically.

As you got off the stool, your eyes scanned the room and found the man you 'threatened' whispering to an other waiter, both of them giving you dirty looks.

You flipped him off as you headed towards the basement door. Where else were you supposed to go? You couldn't even remember how you got in the back door. 

Your heels made small 'tick'ing noises on the cement stairs that lead to the dark basement and by the time you got down to the final step, one of the Knights, Cardo was already on you with a gun raised up.

He sighed in relief when he saw it was you and lowered the weapon. "You shouldn't be down here." He told you in a quiet voice, not wanting to alert the other men who were down there as well.

"Did someone come downstairs?" You heard Kylo yell out.

"No, we're good." Cardo yelled. He didn't want to tell Kylo that he let you walk down here because he knew that would show he was slacking on his job of guarding the basement door.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to be here either." You whispered, slipping your heels off of your feet so that you wouldn't make any noise. "I got kicked out upstairs." You added.

Cardo sent you an irritated look, "What'd you do?"

"Nothing." You said in a quiet and defensive voice. He didn't budge in his stare, knowing that you must've done something. "Okay, I guess I threatened someone but it wasn't a big deal."

He rolled his eyes but smirked slightly. You fit in with them. "Okay, just...don't do anything stupid."

You didn't say anything at that. You weren't going to try to do anything stupid but you also hadn't meant to do anything stupid upstairs and you ended up getting yourself banished to the basement.

You leaned against one of the cold walls, sighing while Cardo started pacing so the he could get a view at the downstairs door, what he should've been doing before you made your way all the way down here.

It was a pretty standard albeit large unfinished basement, it looked like a warehouse. Cement walls and floors, all one big room. Currently you were behind a furnace and some plywood that separated it from the main room. You weren't able to see Kylo and the rest of the men because they were farther back and it was the reason they hadn't been able to see you come down the steps.

You shut your eyes and tried to relax, hoping that this would be over soon and you could go back to Kylo's apartment with him. You realized you probably shouldn't even have come with. It had been fun getting ready to go though:

"How about this one?" Kylo had asked as he grabbed one of your dresses out from your closet. He held it up and spun it slightly so he could see it from different angles.

You glanced over you shoulder so you could see which one he was referencing, "No. Too slutty." You said.

"That's the point." Kylo had grinned but put it back and pulled a different one out.

"That one's good." You told him and took it from his hands. "Give me a few minutes to get ready." You were about to walk to your bathroom but he moved in front of you.

"Let me watch." He said to you evenly.

"Wanna watch me do my makeup?" You asked him mockingly, ignoring the way that it gave you butterflies.

"Sure." He shrugged, "I just..." He trailed off, eyebrows screwing up as he thought about how to word it. "I just want to see what you do when I'm not around..." He admitted in a cautious voice.

You were confused so he continued. 

"So I know what to imagine when we're apart...if I need to go out of town or something." He clarified.

You could've fainted. "Okay." You agreed. 

Now that Kylo wasn't around (well, not really). You felt very out of place.

You heard a yell of pain and then a bunch of laughter and you couldn't help yourself from peaking out over the wooden support that was blocking you from the action.

You saw the three men tied up and sitting in chairs in the center of Kylo and his Knights who were standing around them like vultures, predators and their prey, various weapons in their hands. You swallowed hard. Kylo had a look on his face that you'd never really seen before.

You wanted to look away but you couldn't help yourself. It was so strange to see Kylo fully in his element. He was terrifying. It reminded you who he really was, what he was capable of.

Kylo bent down towards one of the men and although you couldn't hear his words, you could see him saying something lowly to the man, a sinister look in his eyes. Whatever was said made the man underneath him start thrashing around in his seat, trying to break out of the ties that were holding him back. Then Kylo suddenly brought a sharp knife down against the man's hand that was tied to the chair, completely severing a few of his fingers off.

You had to put a hand over your mouth to stop yourself from making a noise of surprise.

The man who had just lost a few fingers was screaming through the gag in his mouth and the men on either side of him were doing the same, now terrified of what their fate would be. All the while, Kylo and his Knights were grinning and laughing, acting as if they just heard a funny joke, a direct contrast from the men begging for their lives.

As much as you knew you should, you couldn't move, you couldn't tear your eyes away from the violence that you were witnessing.

You weren't sure how much time had passed but you watched everything, you were frozen.

You watched how Kylo and the Knights completely terrorized these three men before they killed them. You watched how they taunted them, laughed at them, completely humiliated them. How they would stab them or cut them, just to watch them bleed. How they forced one of the men kill the other one, knowing that they'd been friends since they were children. How they brought up the men's wives and how the Knights might go 'take advantage' of them now that their husbands wouldn't be around to protect them...

Mainly, you watched the way that you didn't recognize Kylo at all.

You didn't even feel like you were in this basement. You felt like you'd been transported back to the night you'd been begging Snoke to spare your life, sobbing and pleading, just like these men had been doing the entire time.

You couldn't help but also think about your dad. The night that those troopers came to kill him, you hadn't been in the room when it happened but you remembered hearing the gun shots. You felt sick thinking about how he had probably been begging for his life then too...

You slid down the wall, sinking to the ground slowly. In the back of your mind, you were scolding yourself. This was who Kylo really was and somewhere along the way you had let yourself forget that. You were disappointed at how surprised you were by how cruel he'd been but you couldn't really be to blame for that. He was so thoughtful and gentle with you, nothing like what you'd just witnessed. It was shocking.

Kylo was oblivious to the fact that you had just seen all of that. He assumed that you were still waiting for him at the bar upstairs. He pulled off the gloves he'd been wearing, disposing of them while the Knights started cleaning up all of the evidence. He felt like the man right now, he was drunk off of the authority he'd just had over the traitors he'd tortured. All he wanted to do was go upstairs and see you and fuck the shit out of you, he wanted to control you right now too, he didn't want this feeling of power to end.

He rounded the corner, on a mission to get to you, but stopped abruptly when he noticed you practically crumpled on the ground, back against the wall. 

"What the fuck are you doing down here?" He hissed, his hands instantly clenching to fists.

You opened your mouth to speak but couldn't. Staring up at him, flashes of what he had just done buzzed through your head, it scared you.

Cardo jogged over, knowing he was in deep shit. "She got kicked out from the bar upstairs. She didn't know where else to go, I didn't know what to do because I didn't want to interrupt you." He explained, in a rushed nervous voice.

Kylo gave him a deadly, silent look. Then he glanced over at you and realized you were more important right now. "We'll talk later." He said to his Knight in a low voice.

Then Kylo's footsteps pounded in your direction. "Up." He told you, motioning for you to get up with his hand.

You were frozen, looking up at him with wide eyes. You still didn't recognize him, his eyes were like an animal's.

Kylo grunted in frustration and leaned down so that he could wrap his strong hand around your arm, lifting you up from the ground. You winced at the way his fingers were digging into your skin. "What did you see?" He asked you, his face close to yours. He was mad at himself for being careless enough to not check on the noise when you came down. He was so nervous that you were seeing this side of him, it was something he never wanted you to watch.

"You're hurting me." You muttered, trying to move your arm out of his grip or at least lessen it. But instead he just tightened his hold on you.

"Answer me." He growled, ignoring your last statement. "What did you see?" He repeated, his patience running thin.

You swallowed away the whimper that almost left your chest, "Nothing." Your voice was barely above a whisper. He could tell you were lying, it was obvious.

Kylo cussed, letting go of your arm which caused you to stumble from the loss of contact. That's what he'd been afraid of. He understood that you were aware of the shit that he did but he never wanted you to actually see it, it was a lot different to actually witness it.

"Let's go." He ordered, grabbing at your arm again and pulling you with him towards the door, your heels still in your hand. He didn't want to do this here. You were barely able to keep up with him as he pulled you close behind him. You followed him up the steps and back into the bar that you had just been sent away from not too long ago.

The workers who were in the private room, mostly cleaning up, turned to stare at the two of you when the door swung open. Seeing how pissed off Kylo looked and how terrified you looked made them quickly move out of the way, not wanting anything to do with that. They were all fully aware of who Kylo Ren was and they knew better than to get involved.

"Slow down." You said to him in a faraway voice once the two of you were outside. You stepped on a rock on the cement in your bare feet and mumbled an 'ow shit' under your breath. You were so embarrassed to be trailing behind him like this, his hand on your arm. His legs were so long, he took huge strides and it didn't help that he was rushing quickly to his driver's car. You were glad he chose not to drive tonight, he would've been insane on the road.

Kylo ignored you, yanking the car door open and moving so that he could guide you inside. He came in quickly after you, the door shutting behind him. He knocked on the partition that separated you two from the driver and the car started moving.

You said nothing, staring down at your shaky hands. You hadn't meant to do anything wrong but yet you still felt like you were in danger for seeing things that you weren't supposed to. You knew that if you were anyone else, Kylo would kill them for seeing too much but it was you...He couldn't kill you, right?

You glanced over at him at that thought and he was already staring at you with a set, angry expression. You couldn't imagine him even hurting you but then you thought about all the violence you'd just watched him create and how mad he was and you weren't so sure that you were safe. 

When you two arrived to your apartment building it was the same thing. Him grabbing you by your arm and dragging you through the doors and to the elevator, your heels in one hand and the other hanging in the air from the way that he was holding you.

You two hadn't said a word to each other since you left the bar and now that you were alone in his apartment, he finally started talking again. "You saw everything, didn't you?" He asked, chest heaving.

You dropped your shoes to the ground and looked away, shaking your head. "No." You said unconvincingly.

Kylo groaned in frustration and moved over to you. He grabbed you by your shoulders and pushed you against the wall behind you, causing you to exhale painfully from the way the air had been forced from your lungs due to the impact.

"Don't fucking lie to me!" He yelled, bent down so that he could really yell in your face.

"Okay, fine!" You said, yelling right back at him, finally looking him in the eyes. His gaze was still so distant, so feral, like he was someone else. "I saw everything. I saw all the fucked up things you did to those men and I saw how much you loved it." You admitted.

Kylo was staring at you hard now, trying to gauge your reaction. You were afraid. You were upset. And he could see that right now in this moment, you didn't like who he was.

This pissed him off. It embarrassed him.

"I thought you could handle this! I thought you could handle me!" Kylo shouted, his face red with emotion.

You frowned, feeling tears of anxiety prick your eyes as you let him scream at you. "I thought so too but I don't know if I can." You mumbled. Maybe you could handle it. But right now you were just in shock. You were so used to Kylo being this man who held you in the bathtub or asked to watch you put lipstick on just because he liked your company. You weren't used to the man who got pleasure from cutting off people's fingers.

"You have to!" Kylo yelled but his voice broke, emotion coming through. It was clear to you now that he wasn't just mad. He was hurt that you saw a new side of him and you weren't accepting it.

You couldn't respond. Not only were you still reeling from the cruelty you watched but you were now surprised to see how upset he was over it.

Kylo's hand went to your neck, wrapping around it to hold you in place against the wall. He moved his face down even closer to yours, enough where he could still see you but the two of you were almost touching. "You have to be strong enough for this." He was almost begging you. "You're in too deep, you know too much. You can't let me think you're gonna break or..." He trailed off, unable to finish that sentence.

You knew what he wanted to say. "Or else you'll have to kill me?" You asked, your voice shaking. "If you think that I'm not strong enough...if you think that I might break down... you have to get rid of me. I'm too much of a threat to the mob."

Kylo said nothing. You took that as him agreeing with you and he did. If anyone saw the way that he let so many rules slide for you, they would kill you themselves.

He tightened his grip on your neck, suddenly getting aggravated again. "I shouldn't have let you get this close."

You were angry now too. "No you shouldn't have." You agreed, "What the fuck were you thinking?" You asked him, your tears spilling from your eyes and trailing down to his fingers that were around your throat. You blamed him for treating you like an actual princess. He was the reason you were so close to him, he let it happen just as much as you had.

"I wasn't fucking thinking! It just happened, it was out of my control!" Kylo yelled frustratedly, his hand moved from your throat to your face where he held you in place with his fingers digging into the skin on your cheeks, forcing you to look into his eyes. "I'm scared that you're too weak for this life." His voice was low and level, staring at you deeply.

"I'm not." You argued, barely able to even articulate the way you wanted from the way he was holding your face. "I'm not weak!" You repeated, blinking away tears. "I handle shit on my own, I've done so much for you." You argued with him, "I can handle the mob, that's not the problem, Kylo, I'm scared I can't handle you."

Kylo let those words wash over him and he gripped tighter at your face, realizing what you meant by it. After what you watched him do tonight, you saw him differently. It was strange to him. It was what he always wanted, to push you away and make you understand that he was a monster. But now that he had you, he didn't want that all.

Suddenly, he was more pissed off than he had been all night. Not exactly at you. But at himself and at the situation the two of you were in and how unfair all of it was. He didn't like hearing you talk like this, he wanted the power back that he'd been feeling in that bar's basement. He felt so weak right now.

"You say we have so much in common, that I'm just like you. But I'm not, Kylo." You sniffled, "Seeing you do all of that just reminded me that I could make one wrong move and be in the same position as those men were...But no matter what you do...you'll never be in their position...You'll always be the one behind the gun." You tried to explain yourself. He had so much privilege being in the position that he was in and you had none of that.

Kylo understood what you meant. If he didn't let you get away with so much you would've been tortured and killed just like those men had been for the ways you'd betrayed Snoke and Hux and even Kylo himself at times.

He was so whipped for you. He had been the perfect mafia member for years. And now you were in his life and he was letting you do anything you wanted. As much as he wanted to be upset with you over that fact, a part of him liked it, how much the two of you owned each other. You two both went against your morals for each other. It was toxic and sick and Kylo fucking loved it.

"What do you want to do then? You wanna leave me?" Kylo's voice was rising again. He let go of your face and he pressed you against the wall with his knee in-between your thighs. "I wouldn't fucking let you." He growled, staring down at you in a predatory way.

Kylo grabbed your neck again, this time squeezing you there. "Are you scared of me?" He asked you, his lips moving down to your ear where his lips brushed against your skin.

Your tears flowed again and you weren't even really sure why. You were so overwhelmed. "Sometimes." You admitted, swallowing hard.

Kylo hummed, his grip tightening until your breath became labored. "Good." He praised you. He leaned forward and ran his tongue along your cheek, tasting your tears, sighing. "You should be."

You let out a small noise of struggle, he had you pressed against the wall so tightly and his hand on your throat was making it hard to breathe.

"You know way too much, princess, you can never leave me." His lips were at your ear again, this low voice sending a shiver up your spine. "There would be nowhere for you to go. Daddy would know exactly where to find you."

You whimpered, realizing this was true. No one had ever escaped the mob. The only way out was to die.

"I don't want to leave you." You said to him in a small voice, unable to get the right amount of air to speak at a normal volume. He loosened his grip on your throat and you inhaled. "You scared me tonight and I think I'll always be afraid of you...but I don't want to leave...I don't fucking know why."

Kylo was staring down at you with wide eyes, searching your expression. His head felt like it was floating to hear that come from you. It was bittersweet. Selfishly he wanted you here and he needed you here, but he knew how much he must have broken you for you to admit that out loud. It made him feel guilty as much as it made him happy.

"You can't leave." Kylo decided, his hand was almost shaking against your throat. "You won't leave me...even if I scare you." He repeated, as if he were convincing himself.

"I wont." You agreed, nodding quickly.

Kylo feverishly pressed his lips against yours, pulling you away from the wall and against him.

"You can't leave me, princess." Kylo whispered again against your lips, his eyes were dancing excitedly but there was a frown on his face.

And a war going on his mind.


	24. Use Me

You swiped through the screen on your phone, contemplating.

What was the best restaurant to go on a date with your fake boyfriend that you were cheating on?

You were dreading this 'date night' with Hux, so much. It didn't feel good to betray him in the way that you were but you knew the more time you spent with him, the more information you could get from him and that meant the quicker you could end things with him and openly be with Kylo.

You googled, 'restaurants in my area with the best alcohol selection'. You were going to need it tonight.

Hux was supposed to stop by your apartment around seven and you heard a knock on your door, right on time. He was always punctual and always so particular.

"Hi." You said, opening the door and letting him in. You discreetly looked him over. He didn't look bad, but he looked rough. He was still put together, his suit and hair perfect. But he looked thinner than usual, paler, dark circles under his eyes. You pretended not to notice.

"Hey." He greeted you, walking inside, leaving an umbrella by your door, "We might have to wait here for a few minutes to let the storm pass, it's getting bad out there."

"I was wondering about that." You sighed. Great, that meant more time alone with him.

"My driver said that there's power outages down by fifth street. That's not where the restaurant is, right?" He asked you. He looked around the apartment, it felt like ages since he'd been there last.

"I don't think so." You shrugged. There was silence now. It was awkward between the two of you. 

You and Hux were never easygoing and natural with each other, there was always an air of this being some sort of arrangement. But recently, the two of you barely saw each other and clearly, you two had a lot going on when you were apart. You barely recognized each other. For two people who have been dating for over a year, it was was almost comical that you were struggling to come up with small talk.

"Well..." You shifted on your feet, "Make yourself comfortable." You helped him shrug off his suit jacket, carefully placing it on the back of a chair. "Let's turn on the tv and see what they're saying about the weather. I'll get you a drink." You offered, trying to ease the weirdness in the air. 

Hux nodded in response, taking a seat on your couch with a loud sigh of relief. It was the first time he had sat down all day, he realized.

Soon, you were making your way back over to him with a glass of wine for yourself and a glass of whiskey for Hux. You noticed how tense he seemed and if it had been months ago...If Hux was Kylo right now...You would've moved behind him and given him a shoulder massage or something to ease it. But being affectionate with him just made you sick to your stomach, it reminded you how guilty you were.

"Thanks, honey." He told you gratefully as he flipped through the channels.

You felt stupid, barefoot in your fancy dress sitting next to your fake boyfriend. You were such a phony, you thought.

A loud crack of thunder rang though the apartment, causing you to jump. "Shit." You mumbled to yourself.

"I didn't know you were afraid of storms." Hux commented, looking over at you with a frown.

"Storms are fine. But storms when you are on the top floor of an apartment where an entire wall is a window is a different story." You explained to him, glancing outside. The rain was hitting against the glass of the window hard and every now and then you'd see flashes of lightning in the distance.

Hux chuckled a little, glancing behind him to watch the storm as well. "Sorry, I suppose I didn't get you the safest apartment." He said and looked back at you. Your mind wandered back to the day he bought it for you a year ago: 

You were standing in the empty apartment with Hux and a real estate agent, in front of the huge floor to ceiling window in the living room, gazing out to the city with a look of awe on your face. You weren't used to things like this.

Hux wrapped an arm around your waist, joining you to look at the view. "What do you think?" He asked you.

You assumed he wanted it for himself and needed a second opinion. "It's amazing...Honestly, it's perfect." You assured him.

Hux grinned at that, "Good. It's yours."

Your jaw dropped, "What? Armie, no. My apartment is fine." You told him. You were in shock.

He gave you a look of distaste. "Your apartment isn't safe. And you deserve more than one room."

You were going to argue with him but he leaned down and kissed you. "Let me do this for you. I'd much rather visit you here." He told you in a sweet voice.

You were so swept up in the idea that this was your place and that he was buying it for you that you didn't even catch how selfish his statement was. 

"That's okay." You assured him in response to your apartment not being safe. "It's beautiful so I guess I can compromise." You felt so guilty, thinking about the way you had fucked Kylo in the apartment that Hux paid for.

Hux contemplated this, staring at you. "Beautiful and dangerous...sounds familiar." He said, clearly talking about you.

You swallowed hard, unsure of what he meant by that. The tension broke with an other loud crack of thunder and then it was dark.

"God dammit." You sighed. The power was out.

"Shit." Hux agreed with you.

"Let me get some candles or something." You mumbled. It was pitch black now and it made you uncomfortable. If the silence had caused awkward tension before, it was palpable now.

You grabbed your phone and turned on the flashlight so you could shuffle over to the kitchen, opening various cabinets to pull out the candles you had. You were glad that all of your candles had similar scents, hopefully it wouldn't give you too much of a headache.

You lit a few and put them on the table in front of Hux. As you stood at the kitchen counter and lit an other, you frowned at the knock at your door.

No one ever came over...No one besides Kylo. You remembered how he announced himself by saying 'it's daddy' the last time he knocked on your door a few days ago and you quickly rushed over so that he didn't yell out anything else stupid. You would've looked through the peephole but it was dark in the entire building, you wouldn't be able to see anything.

You opened the door, burning candle in hand. Just as you thought, you faintly saw Kylo standing on the other side of the entrance.

"Um. Hello?" You said with wide eyes, hoping that he'd get the hint that you weren't acting like yourself and realize Hux was sitting on the couch behind you.

"Hi..." Kylo said in his low voice, stopping himself from calling you 'princess' because of the way you were looking at him.

"Who is it?" Hux called out from behind you, trying to crane his neck so that he could see past you. It was too dark anyways.

A smirk fell over Kylo's face, hearing the other man's voice. He had a feeling that he was over from the strange way you were acting. He pushed past you, letting himself in, excited to cause trouble.

Hux groaned. "What the hell are you doing here?" He asked, sitting up straighter. This night was just getting worse and worse.

"Calm down." Kylo told him, "I locked myself out of my apartment and the locksmith can't get here until the storms over."

You looked at him suspiciously. That didn't sound like something Kylo would do. He always had his shit together.

"Okay?" Hux asked, "That doesn't explain why you knocked on my girlfriend's door."

"Because she's down the hall from me and I'm not just going to just sit in the dark hallway." Kylo explained, brushing him off, he looked back at you. "Can I have a drink?"

"Um..." You were at a loss, looking between him and Hux, trying to figure out the way that you should be acting when you were alone with the two of them. "I shouldn't open the fridge." You said. If the power was going to be out for a while you needed to keep things cold.

"The whiskey's not in the fridge." Kylo pointed out. The expensive bottle was sitting on the counter after you had just poured Hux a glass.

"That's mine." Hux interrupted, standing up from the couch so that he could move next to you. 

"You have an entire bottle, I can't have a glass?" Kylo asked, raising an eyebrow, trying not to smirk. He loved getting under Hux's skin. Kylo remembered how he already had a glass of it, a while ago, the night that he had first moved into the apartment down the hall from you and you had some girls over before a mob party.

"No. You can't. " Hux said quickly, mouth set in a straight line.

"Vodka?" You interrupted, literally moving in between the two of them. "I have vodka, it's mine. You can have some." You offered to Kylo after sending a look to Hux that said 'be nice'.

"Sure, that sounds good." Kylo said, satisfied, not moving his eyes away from Hux's.

You quickly removed yourself from between them, going over to your cabinet with your phone's flashlight in your hand. You were glad to have something to distract you from the tension between the three of you as you poured him some liquor into a glass.

You moved back to them, trying to ignore the way that the two men were just standing in silence, glaring at each other in the dim lighting. "It's probably gonna be warm and gross, I can't get any ice out." You told Kylo apologetically. You handed him the glass and tried your best not to react to the way he purposefully grabbed your hand that was handing it to him as you did so. 

It was too dark for Hux to see the touch but you definitely felt it. It was nothing compared to the millions of ways that Kylo's hands have been on you before but something about it being right in front of someone else, made your heartbeat quicken.

You secretly moved your hand out of his grip, sending him a look that you weren't sure if he'd even be able to see. You felt the tables turning on you. Last time you had been with Kylo and Hux, you teased Kylo and now you were nervous that he was going to do the same.

You took your seat on the couch, Hux joining you while Kylo sat down on the chair opposite of the two of you. You gratefully grabbed for your own drink. This felt so fucking awkward.

"So, how was your trip?" Kylo asked Hux, "I talked to Snoke this morning and he seemed pleased... He got what he wanted, didn't he? That deal with the casino over there?" He asked, leaning back on the seat casually.

Hux made a noise of irritation, glancing over at you briefly. "We can discuss that later."

You raised an eyebrow. Hux was basically saying, 'we can talk about this when she's not around', and it made your blood pressure spike. He had no idea how much shit Kylo let you know or even took you along for.

"Why not now?" Kylo countered. His eyes were dancing and you could see it even in the dim candle lit glow. He knew what he was doing.

"You know why." Hux said, tensing up.

"Because of me? Do you think I wouldn't understand?" You interjected yourself.

Hux sighed and put a hand on your knee. "I don't want you to hear things that could hurt you." He explained. It was smart enough. Really, it was what you had wanted during your entire relationship with him. You only wanted to know the bare minimum, that way you could never be questioned or feel any guilt. Kylo ruined all of that for you. Now, you found yourself always wondering about what Snoke's next move would be, who they might make deals with next.

"I'm sure she can handle it." Kylo said lazily, "She seems pretty tough." He added and you could just hear the smirk on his face, even if you couldn't see it very well.

"I am tough." You replied, your voice similar to his. The two of you were both thinking about how tough you actually were. Not just with the shit you went through for the mob but also just physically tough. Not many people out there could say that they enjoy the way that Kylo Ren hurt them but his named still imprinted on your ass was evidence of that.

Hux didn't like that exchange between the two of you. He narrowed his eyes, trying to see what faces the two of you were making at each other in the darkness. Something wasn't sitting right with him. "Whatever you two are doing, knock it off." He sneered, shaking his head.

Kylo and you both had to stop yourselves from laughing. Like two kids who just got caught breaking the rules.

You watched how Kylo got on his phone and although your phone was on silent, you noticed the way that your own screen lit up next to you. You didn't have Kylo's number saved under his name, in fear that it would pop up at the wrong time. Instead, only his number appeared, anonymous. 

Hux was looking at his own screen as well, trying to distract himself from the current situation. 

You gave Kylo a look as you opened up the text.

Kylo: - My keys are in my pocket

You: - What?

Kylo: - Just here to make sure you're behaving

You set your phone down, glaring at him. You had a feeling he was lying about being locked out, it seemed so unlike him. As amused as he was by all of this, having him here while Hux was around was actually very stressful for you. You never knew what he might do to try and piss the other man off. A part of you was grateful because this meant Hux couldn't try to fuck you. But other than that, you would've preferred to be alone with him. At least you could both just sit in silence if Kylo wasn't across from you.

Kylo was pleased with himself, relaxing in his seat with his legs spread apart as if that would somehow assert his dominance even more. He was looking directly at you, eyebrow raised.

"Do you need a refill already?" You teased Kylo, pointing to the glass of vodka that he already drank.

"That's alright. I should keep a clear head." Kylo said to you easily. You shuddered slightly at those words, realizing what he meant. The last time you had been around Hux in front of him, he had made you his bitch. He couldn't be tipsy if he wanted to do that again.

"Big plans tonight, then?" Hux asked. Usually Kylo wouldn't be worried about drinking too much.

"You could say that." Kylo mused and you could see the way his eyes were glinting in the dark.

"With your girlfriend?" Hux was trying to get information and he wasn't being sneaky about it but it didn't really matter. Kylo enjoyed seeing Hux be so interested in him, it showed that he was threatened by him.

"Yeah. My girl." Kylo replied, his eyes still not leaving yours.

Your heart skipped a beat at that, at the look in his eyes and the way that it felt to be called his girl.

"How sweet." Hux said sarcastically. The thought of Kylo having a girlfriend disgusted Hux. He couldn't imagine the man across from him having any sort of relationship, he was a monster. "How much do you pay her to put up with you?"

Kylo grinned at that. "She doesn't care about my money."

You realized it was true. Although it made you feel special when Kylo bought you things or brought you along to expensive nights out, that was far from the reason you were interested in him. On the other hand, one of the only things you valued about Hux was his money and gifts, it was all he'd ever given you.

"All women care about is money." Hux argued with him, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, "Isn't that right, honey?" He asked in a teasing way, a stupid smirk on his face.

You frowned and resisted the urge to push him away from you. "No." You said sharply, "I don't only care about money." You said which made Hux laugh out loud.

"You're right. I forgot about bags and shoes, didn't I?" Hux smirked and then at your glare, he continued, "Oh come on," Hux laughed, "If I was homeless, you'd still be with me?" He asked you accusingly.

You tried not to notice the way that Kylo was shifting in his seat, enjoying being able to witness the two of you arguing with each other.

"No, probably not." You admitted, "Not because you'd be homeless but because you'd be a homeless asshole."

At that, Hux pulled away from you. "Excuse me?"

Kylo laughed out loud. He was surprised you said something like that. He knew you normally held your tongue around Hux so that you didn't cause problems. It was satisfying for him to watch you speak your mind.

"Don't patronize me. I'm not that shallow." You explained yourself. You supposed you let yourself be shallow when it came to Hux because he liked it. He loved knowing that he was rich enough to keep you around, it made him feel powerful. You did love the dresses, and the dinners, and the money. But that was only because he never offered you anything besides that. You barely knew him.

Hux's skin lit up with redness that was visible even in the low lighting. He grabbed your face in his hands, fingers rough against you. "You don't get to talk to me like that." He was completely embarrassed that you were disrespecting him in front of Kylo. It would've upset him if you were alone with him too but the fact that Kylo was watching it happen just added salt in the wound. In his mind, if he showed Kylo how he was able to control you, it would make him seem like more of a man and you were ruining that facade.

You tried to move your face out of his hand, wincing at the rough way he was grabbing you.

Kylo was up from his seat in an instant. "Let go of her." His voice came out low and angry. He knew he shouldn't be so outward with how he wanted to protect you. But seeing someone else hurt you made him let go of his inhibitions.

"Why do you care what I do with my girlfriend?" Hux snapped, his grip only tightening on you. "I've watched you murder plenty of women before, you shouldn't give a shit about how I'm touching her." He said. The gears in his mind were spinning. Kylo didn't stand up for anyone. What made you different?

Kylo pulled something out of his pocket and from the corner of your eye you were able to see it was a gun. "Don't be stupid, Hux." He said, holding to weapon in the man's direction. 

Hux let out a humorless laugh and moved his hand away from you, pushing your face as he did so as if to show you that he was still upset with you. "It's time for you to leave, Ren." He said, pointing towards the door.

"You can't tell him to leave, this is my apartment." You interjected. Your heart was beating so quickly from this, you were so nervous.

"Your apartment?" Hux asked incredulously, "This is my apartment. And I should tell the both of you to get the fuck out of here."

You couldn't say anything to that. Technically, it was his apartment. That asshole.

"Actually, you know what?" Hux continued as he stood up. "I'll just leave." He moved over to the chair where you had set his jacket earlier.

You stood up as well. You weren't going to beg him to stay but you felt awkward just sitting there watching him leave. Although your power was still out, the storm was letting up, it wouldn't be too dangerous to be on the roads right now.

Kylo had his gun resting in a relaxed way in his hand, watching the scene unfold in front of him. He was pleased with himself. He really got to Hux tonight, which wasn't exactly hard to do, but he was proud of himself all the same. Really, you had done all the work for him.

Hux turned when you were closer to him and he had a frustrated scowl on his face. "I don't even know who you are anymore." 

Your frown matched his. As much as you wanted to be upset with him for saying that, you understood. You weren't sure who you were anymore either. "I could say the same about you." You countered, following him towards the door when he started walking towards it.

Kylo was still listening intently from his spot in front of the chair. He loved seeing you like this, especially when your anger wasn't directed towards him.

Hux spun around, hand on the door knob. "Wanna know what's different about me? I'm exhausted and I'm overwhelmed..." He struggled to find the words, "You on the other hand...You seem happier than ever but yet, out of nowhere, you're cocky and you're stubborn and..." He trailed off, his eyes landed on Kylo, pointing at him. "You're acting like him."

You were speechless at that. You said nothing to him as Hux sent one last glare to you then to Kylo, then left your apartment. The door slammed loudly behind him. He didn't want to leave you alone with Kylo but he was pissed and he didn't like feeling like he was out of the loop. He told you to get Kylo to trust you but he was worried now that you were doing too good of a job at it.

Before you could react to Hux's words, Kylo was behind you, wrapping his arms around you, leaning forward so that he could lock your door.

"Did you hear that? Everyone's noticing it...You're turning into me." He purred in your ear, his lips brushing against your skin. He put his hands on your waist, moving down to your hips and back up. He was buzzing at Hux noticing the change in your confidence. Kylo made you this way, he was drunk from the power from it.

You tried pushing him off of you. You hated hearing it and you were especially pissed that it came from Hux. Not to mention how irritated you were that Kylo was there in the first place, lying that he locked himself out. Every time that he was around Hux and you, he put you into a dangerous situation.

He didn't budge against you as you tried to get away from him. One of Kylo's hands stayed on your hip, squeezing you there while his other hand trailed up to your neck where he wrapped his hand around your throat. "You were so good before I got here, weren't you?" He hummed, "You did everything Hux told you to and never spoke your mind...Now look at you." He squeezed your neck.

"I'm corrupting you." Kylo moaned at his own words, realizing how true they were. "You aren't a good girl anymore...I'm turning you bad, princess." He growled in your ear. You could feel how hard it made him as he pressed against you from behind.

These words set you off. Mainly because it was something you tried not to think about. You hated this power he had. But then it dawned on you. You had power too. That's the way this worked, he owned you but also, you owned him.

You tried one more time to move away from his grip and when it didn't work, you smirked a little to yourself as you thought back to the day before. The self defense moves he taught you. You used one against him, moving how he showed you to, so that you were able to break out of his grip and elbow him in the side as you did so.

Kylo released you with a huff, wincing at the impact of your elbow. He stared at you in awe as his mind pieced together what had just happened. You had just used his own move against him...His breathing hitched, turned on by the reminder of how smart and capable you were.

"You're corrupting me?" You voice was raising as you spoke, your own words spurring your anger. "What about what I'm doing to you? Everyone's noticing that too. Snoke, your Knights..." You made your way over to him, "I'm making you soft, Kylo." You said lowly, challenging him.

Kylo's eye twitched, trying not to let your words effect him as much as they were. It was true. He was falling for you and he was weak at the thought of losing you. He didn't want you to see that, so instead he pushed those twisting feelings away and let a smirk fall over his lips. "Actually, right now, you're making me hard." He said immaturely, trying to do anything he could to deflect. He grabbed your hand and put it on his hardening length, showing you.

You groaned at the feeling but covered it up as a groan of frustration. You yanked your hand away and brought it up to slap Kylo across the face. The smack almost echoed in the otherwise silent and dark apartment, his head turning in the direction of the impact.

You were breathing heavy, nervous for a moment that you went too far.

Then, Kylo turned his head back to face you, rubbing his cheek where you had just hit him. And he had a giant smirk on his face, letting out a sigh of pleasure.

You raised an eyebrow, a familiar feeling of arousal building inside you. "You liked that." You commented, surprised by his reaction.

Kylo didn't answer you, his mind was reeling. He was just as surprised by this as you were. He preferred being dominant, it was what was natural to him. But seeing you in particular, being so passionate and worked up...it did things to him. You were the only person he would let himself be submissive for. He trusted you.

"Do it again." Kylo requested, his eyes trained down on you wildly. It wasn't often that he tried new things or put himself in a vulnerable position. But something about the way that he was explicitly giving you all the control...made him feel okay about being weak for you. He could justify it to himself in this moment, it was for sexual pleasure, which was more familiar to him.

You didn't move for a moment, making sure you heard him right. Then, you let out a breathless chuckle, realizing that he was serious. You stepped even closer to him, noticing the way that his breathing was rapid and his pupils were dilated, feeling the rush of embarrassment and pleasure through his body.

Then, you brought your hand up and slapped him hard again, in the same spot as you did before.

This time Kylo let himself moan out loud, there was no use holding it back anymore, it was clear that he liked this as much as he hated to admit it to himself.

Your hand grabbed at his face now, your thumb pressed against the spot you had just slapped, sending a shot of pain through his skin. You didn't think you'd like this as much as you were. Seeing someone as in control as Kylo at your mercy was a power trip.

"Sit on the couch." You told him, testing out the way that it felt to call the shots. It felt good.

He paused, staring down at you with narrow eyes. You really were his little mob boss. As much as he liked to tell himself that he was the one changing you, deep down he knew it wasn't exactly true. This was always you, he just gave you an excuse to act on it.

"Now." You added, having to bite back a grin at the intimidating way your voice sounded.

Kylo smirked and decided to obey you. He took a seat on your couch and stared at you expectantly, trying to figure out if you'd know what to do now. How natural was this for you?

"Don't move." You told him and he was desperate enough to not question it.

You stepped a few feet away from him and while keeping your gaze on him, you reached behind yourself to unzip your dress letting it fall from your shoulders and onto the floor. Noticing how he tensed and inhaled quickly, you moved closer to him, giving him a better look. You were only in your underwear.

"Do you remember these?" You asked him coyly, hooking your finger around the side of your panties. They were the ones that Kylo had bought you when he had left you that revealing red dress that matched it. It felt like ages ago. Hux had given you flowers and Kylo gave you a dress and underwear and it made you feel so guilty. Look at you now, you were so far past that. "You never even got to see me in them."

Kylo was practically on the edge of his seat now, intently staring at the tiny red thong that you were wearing. The one that he had picked out for you.

He remembered how he had been shopping for a suit for himself when he saw the dress on a mannequin. He had wanted to see you in it so badly, he knew it would look good on you, that's why he had bought it. When Kylo had been checking out, he spotted the underwear.

'Hmm...I'll take those too.' He had casually told the cashier at the high end designer store. He remembered how she had blushed while wrapping them up in the tissue paper, wondering who the lucky woman was that he was buying them for.

And now here you were, standing in front of him in them, teasing him. The thought of you casually wearing them to dinner with Hux, without any intention of him even seeing you in them, made him groan out loud, he wanted you so bad.

"What do you think?" You asked him, spinning around slowly so that he was able to see how you looked in them from all angles.

Kylo didn't respond out loud, instead he stood up from the couch with the intentions of showing you what he thought. 

You put a hand on his chest, as if to push him back down into his seat. "I told you not to move. And don't touch me unless I tell you to." You said to him sternly. If you were going to do this, you were going to do it your way.

Kylo sighed, taking a seat back on the couch. He'd let you do this, try this out. Mainly because he loved seeing you like this.

You put your foot onto his knee, positioning yourself so that he had a view of your hand that was now touching yourself through the material of your panties. "I bet you wish you were touching me right now, don't you?" You asked him, watching the way his eyes glazed over in lust as he watched your hand rubbing against yourself. "You probably think about this all the time...Do you dream about my pussy, Kylo?"

Kylo moaned out loud at the contrast between your soft voice and your dirty words, it was like you had him hypnotized as he watched the way you touched yourself. "I do." He answered you, swallowing hard. "You're all I fucking think about."

"Aw." You patronized him, pouting teasingly. You couldn't help but sigh at the way your touch felt, you had almost forgotten that you were doing it and the motion of it was starting to get you worked up.

Kylo bit his lip, leaning forward so that he could get a closer look. For whatever reason, he was following your orders of not touching you. Despite himself, he was enjoying being dominated by you.

"I'm going to fuck you." You told him. You moved your foot off of his knee so that you had both on the ground. You put your hands on his thighs, bending over so that you were eye-level with him. "But not because I want you. I just want to cum. I am going to use you. Tonight, you're my slave." You used his own words against him.

Kylo groaned but started getting nervous, he wasn't used to being this submissive. "Princess..." He warned you, inhaling deeply as he continued to stare at you with intense eyes.

"I'm always being reminded that you're ruining me, corrupting me. I want you to see how much I've changed you." You straightened up and ran your fingers through his hair, pulling it so his neck was tilted back and he was forced to stare up at you. "You wanna turn me into a version of yourself? Then let me be you tonight. I want you to see how it feels to be me." You leaned down and got close to him, "I want you to see how it feels to be my bitch."

Kylo bit his lip as he stared up at you, making a noise of approval. He had never been spoken to like this before. It felt so wrong but that's why he loved it, the shame of it was fueling his desire. "I fucking want it." He told you with a strained voice, his neck being forced back in the way that it was.

"What do you want?" You asked. "Tell me." You urged, tightening your grip on his hair.

He was glaring at you, "I..." He understood now how you must feel all the time when he taunted you like this. The conflict between wanting to keep your pride but also wanting to give in to the pleasure.

"What do you want me to do?" You repeated.

Kylo growled under his breath, attempting to look away from you but your grip on his hair kept him in place. He said your name in a warning tone, telling you that you were pushing your luck.

You smirked, releasing your grip on him. "If you don't want to play by my rules, that's fine. I could always tell Hux to come back...maybe even your Knights could stop by."

Kylo quickly looked back up at you when you said this. It upset him to think about you leaving and calling an other man to finish his job. "Don't joke about that."

Seeing his worried expression, you knew you had him right where you wanted him. "Then tell me, Kylo, what do you want me to do to you?"

He clenched his jaw, staring daggers at you. He didn't want to say it but the thought of you fucking someone else, even if you hadn't been serious, lit a fire under him. "I want you to use me." Kylo said through gritted teeth. It really pained him to say that, to be so compliant. But he wanted you so bad and he knew that he needed to play along to get it.

The fact that he said it out loud made you grin. Even if you weren't a mob boss like he was, he was the one currently begging you to use him for your pleasure. And that was enough to make you satisfied.

"Take off your clothes." You told him, moving back so that you could watch him do it.

Kylo continued to stare at you angrily as he pulled his shirt off, tossing it on the ground. Then he worked on his pants, soon followed by his underwear.

Now, he was naked, sitting on the couch while you stood looking him over. He was rock hard and as you stared at his erection, you realized that the head of it was glistening. As far out of his comfort zone as he was, he was enjoying this.

You moved your hand down so that you could run a finger over the head of his cock, collecting his precum as you did so.

Kylo grunted at the contact and jerked his hips upward towards you, hoping you were going to take his entire length into your hand.

But of course, you didn't.

Instead, you held the same finger up to his lips, wordlessly telling him to put it in his mouth.

Kylo scowled at you, moving his head away from your finger. He wasn't going to do that, it was too embarrassing.

"Kylo..." You said to him in a disappointed tone, pouting.

"No." He shook his head, keeping his mouth away from you, not wanting to give in so easily.

You reached forward and wrapped a hand around his neck as much as you could. His neck was so much bigger than your hand. Logistically, it was a lot easier for him to physical dominate you. But nonetheless, you squeezed his throat hard, making him gasp for breath. When his mouth opened your stuck your finger inside, running it along his tongue, forcing him to taste himself.

Kylo wanted to pretend to hate this but he couldn't help but moan and wrap his lips around your finger, looking up at you with wide eyes. He was so open, vulnerable with you right now. It was overwhelming to him and he was so surprised with how much he was enjoying it.

You made a noise of affection as you looked him over. He was naked below you with big, pleading eyes, your fingers in his mouth. He looked like a completely different person you saw the night before torturing and killing those men tied to chairs. You were so thankful that you were able to see this side of him, that he let you see it.

You bent down so that your hands were on his knees again, after pulling your finger from his mouth, bowing your head so that you were close enough to him that he could feel your breath against his dick, making it twitch in anticipation. Then, you spit on it, coating it with your saliva. "Mmm, good job, daddy." You praised him, squeezing his thighs.

Kylo hissed under his breath, wanting so badly to grab the back of your head and push your mouth down on top of him. "Fuck." He mumbled, whimpering. He was always the one giving you praise and he couldn't ignore the way it made his heart swell to hear it come from you. He didn't realize until that moment how much he needed that validation, no one else ever gave it to him so sincerely.

"Look at how hard you are." You smirked, taunting him. "You're such a whore, begging me to use you. It's pathetic." You looked up at him, noticing the way he was staring at you in concentration. "I know you want me to fuck you but I don't know...I don't think you've earned it." You said, using the words he'd used when talking to the Knights about you, when you had been bent over his lap and he let Vicrul be the one to decide whether you got to cum or not.

Kylo cussed under his breath, his hips twitching slightly at the desperation that he was feeling.

"You want me to fuck you, daddy?" You cooed, standing back up so that you could run your fingers through his hair again, this time not pulling it but instead just playing with it, moving it away from his eyes.

Kylo practically nuzzled against your touch, sighing loudly. "Please, I need you to fuck me...Look how much I want you, baby." He said, motioning down towards his erection that was leaking, glistening in the low candle lit light from the way you spit on it a moment ago.

You bit back a moan at the sight of it. "I'll fuck you." You assured him, running your hand along his cheek gently. "But before I really fuck you, I want to fuck your face." You said, your tone still soft. Then, when he didn't make any moves, you slapped him where you had just been caressing him. "So lay down." You said in a more forceful tone.

He moaned out loud, eyes fluttering. He liked this feeling, being able to just let his guard down and let you take control. He was used to always calling the shots, making sure everything was going how he wanted it. It was satisfying to just lay back and be told what to do. Especially when you were being so sexy about it.

Kylo moved so that he was laying against your couch. He was too big for it, legs hanging over the arm but it didn't matter. When he was situated, you moved so that you were leaning over him, looking down at him, "Open your mouth for me." You told him, hand on his jaw.

Despite the voice in the back of his mind telling him to make you work for it, he obediently opened his mouth which made you smirk. Then, you spit in his mouth and used your fingers on his jawline to shut it for him. "Keep your mouth nice and wet for me, daddy, I'm gonna sit on your face and you're gonna make me cum."

Kylo let out a noise of frustration, wanting you closer. He needed less words and more action. He reached out for you and you smacked his hands away, reminding him not to touch you. "Please, princess, I need it." He begged. He was aching, in actual pain from how hard he was.

"Patience, Kylo." You 'tsk'ed, rolling your eyes, pretending to be irritated. In reality, your heart was thumping out of your chest. You were doing a good job at playing the role of Kylo Ren but it was still nerve-racking to order a mob boss around like this, you were afraid to take it too far or say the wrong thing.

You crawled on top of him, moving so that your knees were on either side of his head. "Tell me how badly you wanna taste my pussy." You taunted him, running your fingers over your panties as you stared down at him.

Kylo's hands were at fists by his sides. It was taking so much strength for him not to grab you or himself. He felt so helpless and frustrated and fuck...he really loved it.

"Please." He was breathless, "I want you to ride my face until you cum, I want you dripping for me, I wanna taste you. Please, princess." Kylo's eyebrows were set in a concentrated line. You were so impressed with him, that he was able to be this way for you and be so damn good at it.

"Push my panties to the side. That's the only place I want you to touch me." You told him. The look on your face was similar to his. You were so turned on and it was hard not to just let him take control again and fuck you, it was so much less effort. But you wanted to try this out, you wanted to see how it really felt to have power like he did.

Kylo let out a low growl, quickly taking his hand and hooking it around the material, moving and holding it in place to the side so that you were exposed to him. He swallowed hard as you hovered above his face. "You have the prettiest pussy. Let me have it, please, I need it." He sighed. He could only see glimpses of it in the dim lighting and he was straining his eyes, tense in irritation and in awe of how beautiful you were.

You felt butterflies in your stomach at that, a rush going through your body at how needy he was being for you. You were so used to being in his position, begging for it and feeling so small, it was a big boost to your ego to see how it felt to be like him. Now, you understood why he was always so cocky.

You said nothing to his begging, not wanting him to know how much you liked it. "Tongue." You instructed him in a shaky voice. When he obeyed, sticking his tongue out, you slowly lowered yourself onto it. The two of you both moaned at the feeling of your pussy being pressed against his tongue and you couldn't help yourself from moving your hips to rub against him. "Oh fuck." You mumbled to yourself.

Even though you were the one being pleasured, Kylo was a mess underneath you. He had never been treated like this before, never been ordered around or told what to do. He felt like you were using him and taking advantage of his neediness. It embarrassed him but there was something addicting about it. To see his good little princess take control of him. He loved being able to see that you knew what you wanted and you knew how to get it from him. You always impressed him and this was no different. Kylo's ability to admire you as much as he wanted to destroy you was what made him so obsessed with you.

Kylo's tongue easily found your clit, running quick circles around it just how he knew you liked it before directly rubbing against it which caused you gasp and move your hips in surprise. You felt uneasy on top of him, you weren't sure if you were able to stay balanced with how overwhelmed you were.

"Let me see your hands, daddy." You requested, grasping at air, searching for them.

Kylo groaned, pleased that you were asking for more contact from him and that he could see hints of the 'normal' you peaking through now that your guards were lowering, the act of dominance starting to dissolve away. He reached up for you, squeezing your small hands in his large ones when you found his touch, keeping you balanced on top of him. The feeling of his cold rings against your fingers made you shiver.

Now that you were able to put your weight on his arms instead of trying to keep yourself up, you were able to start moving your hips against his tongue's movements, ensuring he was eating you out exactly how you needed him to.

"You wanna make me cum, Kylo?" You asked him in between sharp inhales from the way that he was licking and sucking you so perfectly.

Kylo made a noise of affirmation, nodding against you to the best of his abilities with how you were positioned on top of him.

You continued grinding against his tongue but you were getting frustrated with the way that your underwear kept slipping back into place now that his hand wasn't holding them back. You reached down and tried to hold them but then you'd start to fall over from putting all your weight on one side. "God dammit." You whined, you were close but this was distracting. You didn't have the strength to stop long enough to take them off, you were getting so close to that peak.

"I got it." Kylo muttered against your clit. The vibrations caused you to gasp, "Don't fucking stop." He told you, referencing the way that you were moving against him. Then, he let go of your hands so that he could reach down and grab your underwear. Before you could piece together what he was doing, your mind was swimming with your impending orgasm, you heard the sound of fabric ripping.

Looking down, you were able to see the way that Kylo had just grabbed the expensive underwear and ripped them apart, pulling them off of your body and tossing the torn material onto the ground next to you. The entire time he hadn't stopped the way that he was moving his tongue against your clit, not even for a second.

"Oh my god." You moaned and were thankful that his hands found yours again, holding you tightly so that you could put your weight on him again and he could hold you up again. You'd yell at him later for ruining the underwear, you liked them. But the fact that he was desperate enough to make you cum that his mind went to just tearing the underwear off of you, sent a flash of heat straight to your core.

Kylo's hands squeezed yours, feeling the way that the movements of your hips were becoming sloppy and unrhythmic, signaling to him that you were about to cum.

You glanced down at him and the sight of him staring up at you made your heart stop and your orgasm wash over you intensely, to the point where tears almost pricked your eyes. You grasped at his hands, your head tilting back in pleasure as you rode out the waves that were washing over you.

Kylo couldn't take his eyes off of you. Even in the darkness, you were so beautiful.

When you came down from your high, you were breathing heavy as you slowly moved off from on top of him. You could barely stand but you tried your best, leaning down so that you could take one of his hands again to help him move to a seated position.

You tried catching your breath as you watched him doing the same. He was still very hard, his precum dripping down the side of his length. Seeing you come undone like that just made him need to fuck you more, he wanted to make you feel that way again.

You wrapped your hand around Kylo's neck, grinning at the way that he tensed and growled underneath you before you kissed him hard. You sighed against him, tasting yourself all over his lips and skin. "You ruined my panties. I liked those." You pouted before kissing him again.

Kylo's swollen lips were in smirk, "I'll buy you fifty more pairs, princess, I just wanted you to cum." Then he pulled away and looked up at you with pleading eyes. "Is it my turn?" He asked and the almost sweet way his voice sounded made you let out a small noise.

You pushed him back slightly so that his back was resting on the back of the couch behind him. Then you moved so that you were straddling his thighs, his cock pressed against your stomach. "Well..." You pretended to think about it. You ignored the way he was absentmindedly moving his hips, trying to get friction. "You did such a good job eating my pussy, daddy...But do you think you deserve to get fucked?"

Kylo whined, looking down at his erection and the way that it was straining against your abdomen, leaving wet spots behind on your skin. "I deserve it." He answered you, "I'm gonna fucking explode if you don't touch me." He whined, jaw clenched tightly.

"I want you to beg. One last time." You told him, moving so that you could run your hands along his chest, feeling how his skin was on fire. You ran your finger along his scar, up his collar bone and the way that it ran across his cheek. He had gotten the injury pretty soon after you met him and it was just the way you'd always known him. You accepted and really, you loved, his damage. Mentally and physically.

Kylo huffed, his patience was running thin. He liked this game the two of you were playing, with you being the boss, but there was only so much he could take and there was unspoken statement in the air about the fact that he could easily physically overpower you and fuck you if he decided to. "Please." He said, frustration and exhaustion in his voice. "I want you to fuck me...No, god," He frowned, knowing he really needed to go for it if you were going to give in. "I need you to fuck me...I need you to use me." He looked you in the eyes, swallowing hard.

Even if you wanted to, you didn't have the strength to say no to that.

"Good." You grinned as you got onto your knees on the couch, moving so that you were able to take his cock in your hands and run the head of it along your wetness, coating it. "I'm so proud of you, daddy." You purred, leaning forward so that you could kiss him as you then lowered yourself onto him, letting him enter you.

Kylo's groan would've been closer to a yell if your lips weren't kissing his. He was so overwhelmed with finally being inside of you and from the way that you were validating him. He never thought that it would bring him a sense of comfort to hear that you were proud of him, even if it had been about sex, but he felt a weight lifted from his chest after you said it.

Kylo instinctively grabbed your hips, wanting to pull you down farther on him, allowing him to go deeper. But the second you felt his hands on your skin, you slapped them away.

"Don't touch me." You reminded him, lips brushing his. You grabbed his hands and moved them so that they were above his head and you held them down against the back of the couch.

"Oh god." Kylo moaned, letting you do that to him made his skin warm with shame. It was so hot to him and it was humiliating how much he loved it.

At that, you moved away so that you could continue to ride him, gripping his hands over his head. The two of you were both staring at the way your bodies were meeting, the way that his entire cock became buried in your pussy when you'd lower yourself on him.

"You get so deep inside of me when I'm on top." You gasped, "You're so fucking big, you fill me all the way up." You complimented him, fingers digging into his skin from the pleasure of it.

"I do, I know I do baby, you feel so fucking good. You're so tight." Kylo was whining, hands balling into fists above his head, wanting to take the lead so badly and move you exactly how he wanted so that he could cum. Though, He wasn't far away from the feeling, you had teased him so much before.

"What do you want? How do you want me to fuck you?" You asked him breathlessly. He looked so gorgeous, looking up at you in the in the candle light. Rain against your window and gentle thunder in the background of the sounds of your moans and of your bodies.

"Faster. Fuck me faster, princess." Kylo could barely speak, he sounded like he crying even though he wasn't, this was all just too much for him.

You listened to his request and began moving on top of him quicker, earning loud moans from the both of you.

"I can't last much longer, I'm gonna cum soon." Kylo warned you, his voice wavering, feeling pathetic that he was going to finish so early.

"Good, I want you to." You assured him. "You deserve to." You sighed, your ass bouncing against his thighs with each movement of your hips.

Kylo whimpered at those words mixed with how close he was getting. "More, tell me more." He gasped out, eyebrows knitted together in concentration.

You weren't sure what he meant at first but then you saw the desperate look in his eyes when the room lit up for a moment from a flash of lightning. It told what you needed to know. He was craving validation and praise. It made your heart sink as you realized how much he needed it and how he had probably never gotten it before.

"You do such a good job, Kylo." You told him. You let go of your grip on his hands and put your hands on the sides of his face instead, fingers caressing his skin. "You know just how to touch me, just how to fuck me...Your cock fits so perfect inside of me." You leaned down to briefly kiss him, "You're the only person who's ever fucked me like this...It's just you, Kylo, you're the only one who can."

Hearing you say that made Kylo whine loudly, "Don't stop." He begged. He was thrusting his hips upward, trying to get even deeper inside of you as he felt himself reaching his peak.

"I want you to cum for me. I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel...Let me take care of you, Kylo." You told him, moving hair away from his eyes, playing with stray strands as you continued your fast paced motions on top of him.

He couldn't take it anymore. He felt so open and safe with you, it was too much for him. "Oh fuck!" Kylo cried out, his hands going to your hips to hold you in place as he came inside of you. He was mumbling nonsense under his breath, things like 'oh my god' and 'yes', as he guided you slowly on top of him and you let him, wanting him to ride out his orgasm as long as he could.

You stayed on top of him, him inside of you, for a few moments as you both caught your breath. When you moved beside him on the couch, you turned so that you were able to look over at him.

The candle was starting to go out, it had been lit for a while. But still, you were able to see the faraway look in his eyes, staring off into the darkness, chest heaving. You understood what he was feeling. You'd been there before many times after sex because of him. He was feeling the guilt of letting his guard down in the heat of the moment. You could see the hints of regret running through his mind, the embarrassment. He always took those thoughts away from you, assured you (without actually saying so), that you hadn't made a mistake after all. You knew you needed to do the same for him now. Just like you told him earlier, you had to take care of him, just like he always did for you.

"Kylo." You murmured his name and he didn't glance over at you, instead he made a small grunt of acknowledgment, ashamed.

"Let's go to bed." You suggested as you reached out and took his hand into yours. Your fingers ran over his expensive rings, the way your palm fit so perfectly against his. You didn't get any reaction so you leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I want you to hold me." You said to him, which caused him to look in your direction. You knew how to bring him back down to Earth, how to take care of him. You needed to make him feel like the man again and remind him that he was still in charge, even after all of that. "The storm's making me nervous and I need you to make me feel safe, daddy." You said in a small voice, squeezing his large hand with yours.

Kylo nodded, letting a small smirk make it's way onto his face which caused you to feel relief, he was looking like himself again. "Okay, princess." He said to you, voice slightly hoarse from what he'd just put it through. He kissed you gently which made you smile.

You stepped off from the couch and stumbled slightly, legs shaky from the way you had just moved on top of him.

Instantly, Kylo was on his feet, hands on you to catch you before you could actually fall over. Then, he gathered you into his arms and picked you up. As he made his way to your bedroom, he laughed a little under his breath. 

"What is it?" You asked.

Kylo didn't respond. He laid you on your bed then crawled up next to you. He put his arm around you which caused you to position yourself with your head on his chest and your leg comfortably wrapped around him.

"I was just thinking," Kylo started to answer your question as to what he had been laughing at, "You did a damn good job being me tonight."

You smirked, pleased that he thought so. "You might even start asking me to treat you like that now, hm?" You teased him.

"Don't get carried away," He warned you. "I don't want you to forget who your daddy is."

You shook your head, "I could never."

Kylo leaned down and kissed your forehead. "Good girl." He sighed, satisfied.


	25. One Day

The sun was rising behind your thin curtains, casting a glow across your room. There were birds chirping in the distance and on your bed, you and Kylo were tangled up in each other, moaning.

"I love when you fuck me in the morning." You sighed, your fingers running over Kylo's back and your voice wavering with each thrust of his hips, moving at a lazy pace inside of you.

Kylo's lips moved from your collarbone so that he could mutter against your skin, "It's the same as fucking you at night, princess."

You rolled your eyes, then moaned at the way he sucked on the sensitive skin of your neck. "No, it's different." You argued, "When we have sex at night we're always drinking or fighting but..." You gasped, finger nails digging into his back at the way he started speeding up his movements, "Oh god, whenever we have sex in the morning, it feels like you- Like you're fucking me just because you like me, not because you want to own me."

Kylo grunted at that, thinking about it. He understood. Right when he woke up in the morning his guard was always down and he wanted to be inside of you just to be close to you. He wasn't sure what making love felt like but this was a lot closer to it then when he'd spank you or call you a slut. "I do like you." He admitted quietly, swallowing hard.

Your heart skipped a beat. It was such a small statement, immature even. But hearing it come from him meant so much, you knew how hard it was for him to admit something like that, even to himself.

"Well, I'd hope so." You deflected, smirking. It was helpful that you automatically reacted to humor in most serious situations. If you would've said you liked him too or praised him for admitting it to you, Kylo would've shut down. It would've felt too real and too sentimental. This was much easier for him.

"Shut up." Kylo said, groaning at how tight you were getting around him. "Fuck, your pussy is perfect." He complimented you, lips still against your neck as he did so.

Your back started arching, moaning.

Then, your phone went off, signaling that you got a text.

"Ignore it." You sighed, noticing the way that Kylo's eyes went straight to your screen. Of course, he had to see who was getting a hold of you. He was so nosey when it came to you.

"It's Hux." He told you which caused you make a nose of frustration.

"Don't say his name." You requested, hands going up to plug your ears in case he brought him up again. Before you could actually put your fingers in your ears, Kylo's hands went to yours and he easily grabbed both with just one of his hands while his other hand reached out to your phone. He pressed your hands down above your head while unlocking your screen. He didn't stop rolling his hips that entire time, fucking you throughout all of it.

"You know my password?" You asked breathlessly, concerned.

Kylo chuckled then moaned at the look on your face, "I know everything, sweetheart."

You froze underneath him, your mind wandering to the flash drive that was sitting in your nightstand's drawer, just a few feet away from the two of you. He didn't know about that. He never would, you decided. You forgot that it was in there but now that you were remembering you knew you had to destroy it when you got the chance, make sure it couldn't be traced back to you.

Your mind had been so wrapped up in that, that you didn't notice the way that Kylo was reading Hux's text that he sent to you. He smirked and let out a small laugh while still thrusting inside of you and holding your hands over your head. "Hux is reminding you that he's picking you up at three for that wedding, I told him 'okay' and used that dumb smile thing you like with the halo."

You sighed, shutting your eyes as if to shut him out. You ignored the way he didn't know the word for 'emoji'. "Don't talk about him, I'll never be able to cum." You tried not to think about the way that Kylo had texted him back for you, the thought of it was too nerve wracking.

Kylo chuckled at that, leaning down to kiss you. "I'm going to the wedding too." He shared, breathing shallow. "I want you to wear that red dress I bought you and I'm going to fuck you in it when we get home."

If you had been losing your desire at the topic of your fake boyfriend, you were back to being turned on from the words Kylo just said to you. "If I have to keep the dress on, you have to keep your suit on too." You told him with a whimper at the thought of it.

Kylo squeezed your wrists, "There's my dirty girl." He hummed with a smirk. 

Kylo was standing behind you, zipping up your red dress, hands running all over your waist and back as he did so. He leaned down and kissed your bare shoulder, "There you go." He told you, then smacked you playfully on your ass.

He was ready for the wedding, in his suit. He stopped by around two to help you get ready, aka: he sat in your bathroom and watched you get changed and do your hair and makeup.

"Thanks." You told him. You were nervous, knowing that you were going to have to spend the night with Hux and Kylo and other various mob members. Hux had invited you as his date months ago to this wedding for one of the trooper's sons, you thought? You couldn't exactly remember who was getting married. It didn't really matter, anyways, you wouldn't know them.

"I can't keep doing this." You sighed while running mascara through your eyelashes, leaning against the counter in your bathroom to get a closer look in the mirror.

"Your make up?" Kylo asked, smirking at the way you were bent over the counter, enjoying the view, "It looks done anyways." He was being a smart ass. He knew exactly what you meant. You couldn't keep pretending to be with Hux. It was getting too difficult.

"Kylo." You sent him an irritated look and he gave you a grin back in response. You didn't find it funny, setting the make up down and turning to look at him.

He frowned and moved towards you, putting his hands on either side of the counter behind you so that the could lean down towards you. "You have to." He said in a gentle voice. He felt for you. He didn't like seeing you with Hux either, it was getting really annoying to know that you still technically had a boyfriend in everyone else's eyes.

"Why?" You asked. Your fingers moved to run along his tie, feeling the soft material under your finger tips. "I'm not getting any information from him, it's just torture."

"If you break up with him and he finds out you're with me, he'll kill you." Kylo explained, fingers tapping against the marble under his hands.

You let out a laugh at that, "You're saying you couldn't protect me against him?" You asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Kylo was so much more powerful than him.

Kylo didn't laugh, his mouth set in a serious straight line. "I could protect you against Hux." He explained, "But I can only do so much to protect you from Snoke."

You froze with the way that you were playing with his tie, moving your gaze up to his eyes. "Snoke?" You repeated, trying to understand.

He gave you a short nod. "He really wants to kill you." He explained. He noticed the way that you tried to hide your fear at those words. He leaned down and kissed your forehead to try to soothe you. "Right now he's only keeping you around because it's like a game to him. He wants to see how it'll play out. It's funny to him, the way you have me and Hux wrapped around your finger...The minute he loses his interest..." He trailed off.

Kylo didn't need to finish that thought because you understood. If you broke up with Hux, Snoke would see no need for you. You would only be around to make his top man, Kylo, softer. Plus, Hux would probably encourage him to kill you, you wouldn't stand a chance.

"Can't we just kill Hux?" You asked in a far off voice, unable to even believe the words left your mouth.

Kylo pushed off from the counter, looking down at you in surprise. He didn't think you'd ever say those words out loud either. A slow grin formed on his lips as he realized you were being serious. "You're such a bad girl, aren't you?" He teased you, satisfied with your thought process.

You rolled your eyes. You had been serious. You were so fed up that you were pushed to the point where you would murder the man you'd been together with for over a year just to be with Kylo.

Kylo realized how frustrated you were becoming with his jokes and he sighed, getting serious again. "I would love to blow Hux's brains out. But he's planning something and I need to find out what it is. If he dies now, I'll never find out and I might have traitors working for me. I can't have that. You get that, don't you?" He said to you.

You shrugged, gazing down at his shoes.

He took your hand, interlocking his long fingers with yours. "One day, this will all be over. I swear."

You swallowed hard, shifting your eyes up to him, "It's just all so unfair."

Kylo had a smirk in his eyes, "It's the mafia, princess, none of this will ever be fair."

You didn't say anything for a while as you let this sink in. This entire world of the mob was about power levels and scheming and manipulation. Even at the top, it wasn't fair, there was so much pressure.

"I just..." You bit your lip. You weren't sure if you wanted to share your feelings, you didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Kylo didn't say anything, letting you process how you wanted to express yourself.

"I want to be able to be yours. No matter who's around." You admitted. At those words, Kylo squeezed your hand, he understood. "Tonight I want to be able to walk into the wedding with you, sit with you, laugh with you, dance with you..." You sighed, he got the point.

"Dance with me?" He laughed, surprised.

"Yes." You frowned defensively. "Dance with you, just like all the other couples will be doing."

Kylo knew what you meant, you wanted to be able to act normal with him. But the idea of him dancing was amusing to him, he wasn't sure if he ever really had done it. "One day." He repeated, assuring you.

You nodded, untangling your fingers from his. You were disappointed but didn't want to show it. There was nothing he could do for you right now to fix things. It was all so complicated.

"You should get going, I need to leave soon." You told him, moving away from him so that you could open a drawer, pulling out some perfume from it, needing to finish getting ready.

Kylo grabbed your arm, pulling you back in towards him. He didn't want to leave you just yet but he knew he needed to. "You look beautiful." He said to you sincerely. "You are so beautiful." He repeated, causing butterflies to gather in your stomach.

You tried not to grin, biting the inside of your cheek. It felt lame to only say thank you, it meant so much more to you. But at the same time it was just a compliment. So, instead you stood on your toes, kissing him.

"See you soon." He hummed against your lips, kissing you one more time briefly before pulling away and making his way out of the bathroom. As he got to the door, he sent a quick glance at you over his shoulder, checking you out again with a smirk before he exited. 

To say that being alone with Hux was awkward, was the understatement of the year. The two of you hadn't spoken to each other since the night he stormed out of your apartment, besides to arrange plans on how to get the wedding.

"We have a lot to talk about but now isn't the time." Hux had said to you when you got into the backseat of his driver's car with him. "Just don't embarrass me tonight, okay?" It felt like he had been scolding you, like you were a kid who got in trouble rather than a girlfriend who hurt her boyfriend's feelings.

It was so typical of him to just pretend fights never took place. It was a reminder of how little he actually cared about you. He just wanted to put on a show for everyone else who would be at the wedding, wanted them to think that you two were happily in love.

It was so ironic that you had to fake your relationship with Hux while you were in public and at the same time, you had to hide your relationship with Kylo when you were in public. The thought of that made you sigh, this was all so frustrating.

"Are we on the bride or groom's side?" You whispered to Hux as you two made your way into the ceremony, trying to find somewhere to sit. You honestly couldn't remember who was getting married, why you were even invited. A mob member or someone's daughter, maybe? He had told you earlier but it went in one ear and out of the other.

Hux paused, having to think about it too. "Groom's." He answered, voice unsure. You thought it was sad that half the people there probably had never spoken to the couple getting married. It was all so phony, it made your skin crawl.

It was in an old but beautiful church. It was decorated well, everything in the correct place, soft orchestral music playing in the background. You felt like you were in the middle of a romance movie.

He put a hand on your lower back as he guided you towards an empty row, close to the back. You heard how he was greeting people on the way, shaking a few hands. You felt many pairs of eyes on the two of you, it was always like this when you were with someone in the mafia. It was something that made you nervous before Kylo came around, he helped you embrace it.

For the next several minutes, you sat in silence as you observed everyone around you. Hux was talking to some men in the row a few behind you, yelling over the people in between. He was distracted from the fact that Kylo had just walked into the venue but your eyes went to him right away.

You couldn't stop staring at him as you watched Kylo command the attention from almost everyone around him. He looked like a god in his suit, he was so tall and handsome and charming. He easily spoke with the people he passed and you watched the way they were in awe of him, just as much as you were.

Once Kylo said hello to everyone he recognized, his eyes scanned the room, searching. When he noticed you, his jaw clenched to stop himself from grinning. Everyone was looking at him, wanting his attention and yet, all he cared about was finding you. His dirty little secret.

You tensed as you made eye contact with him. It didn't matter how many times he'd been inside of you or slept in the same bed as you or even cried in front of you. There would always be a small part of him that made you nervous, you couldn't help it.

You turned back around, facing forward, pretending to be interested in something else. You could feel eyes on your back and you knew the stare most likely still belonged to Kylo.

Then, when you noticed some commotion to your side, you were far from surprised to see Kylo moving down the row you were sitting in, making his way to the empty seat beside you.

Hux groaned when he saw this, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. He would've loved to spend just one night without thinking about Kylo fucking Ren.

Kylo paused next to you, holding his hand out in Hux's direction. It was the polite thing to do, it was what all the other men were doing as they took their seats. Hux was supposed to stand up and shake his hand.

But, Hux didn't budge, glaring up at the dark haired man to your side. Then he glanced around and noticed how there were people staring. He didn't want them to think anything was going on so he sighed and stood up.

Kylo's hand was right in front of your face and soon Hux's joined it, shaking each other a little too violently. You could almost see how hard they were gripping each other, veins popping, trying to assert dominance through the handshake.

Then, the two were sitting back down, on either side of you. You were in the middle of an angry mob boss sandwich. And it was very uncomfortable.

You were thankful that the two men broke off into different conversations with the people around them and you were able to just sit there and pretend to be anywhere else but the current moment. You spaced out and imagined that you were back in your apartment. If you didn't have to go to this wedding you probably would've spent your day in bed...in pajamas...with Kylo's face between your thighs-

When the image of that popped into your head, you jumped slightly, glancing over at Kylo, as if he had been able to read your thoughts.

"Are you alright?" Kylo asked with an amused smile on his face. He couldn't tell what happened but judging the look on your face he had an idea. You always got that glint in your eye when you were turned on.

"Yes." You said, averting your eyes, trying to get him to drop it.

"What's wrong? What did you do to her?" Hux interjected himself, glaring at Kylo, hearing the conversation even if he hadn't seen the reaction that caused Kylo question you in the first place.

"Why are you assuming it was me?" Kylo asked, his tone offended but his eyes were satisfied.

"It's always you, somehow." Hux snapped, disgusted.

"Okay, fuck, stop it you two." You sighed, physically putting your hands up in front of their faces as if to separate their eyes away from each other.

Hux rolled his eyes and backed off, turning his seat so that he could talk to someone who had just taken a spot behind him. He hated the way that you and Kylo were becoming with each other. It was something he needed to talk to you about but tonight wasn't the right time. There were too may people around.

"We're in a church, you aren't supposed to cuss." Kylo said to you in a low voice, teasing you.

You looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "Fuck off." You repeated.

Kylo grinned at that. His hand tensed, having to remind himself not to reach forward and grab your knee like he almost instinctively did. As much as he understood your sentiment earlier that day, about wanting to be able to be open with the relationship the two of you had, it gave him a rush to know what he was doing to you behind closed doors and how the two of you were keeping it hidden. 

Soon, the orchestral music became louder and the doors to the back of the church opened, indicating that the ceremony was about to start.

"I hate weddings." You sighed softly.

"Me too." Kylo frowned, agreeing with you, his voice irritated.

An older woman in the row in front of you, glanced behind and gave you a dirty look. She must've heard what you said about hating weddings. You had meant it to be quiet.

"Sorry." You said quickly, apologetic. "This one's beautiful though." You tried to correct yourself, embarrassed.

The woman rolled her eyes in response and it made Kylo chuckle. You almost laughed too but then you felt Hux's hand on yours, interlocking your hands together. You froze at his touch but tried not to show it, there were too many eyes on the two of you and you couldn't blow your cover.

You swallowed hard at the way that Hux's thumb was against the back of your hand, it made you feel sick. Just a moment ago you had been imagining Kylo eating you out and now you were holding Hux's hand.

Kylo's eyes wandered behind him, to the way the two of you were touching and he felt the same sickness creep up inside of him, thinking about how a few hours ago his own hands had been tangled in yours.

You were in a church but this felt like the farthest thing from holy.

The wedding party made their way down the aisle in pairs, following behind the groom. You recognized a few people just from being at so many mob parties but you weren't able to recall their names. It was funny that the mob ruled your life but you were such a tiny piece in the giant puzzle that was the mafia.

As the bride entered the room, everyone stood up as was the protocol.

"Think about how beautiful you'd look in a dress like that." Hux whispered to you, his arm around your waist so that he could pull you in against him.

You didn't like what his comment was insinuating, that he'd like to see you in a wedding dress. "You know I don't wear white." You replied, trying to deflect.

Hux quietly chuckled behind you and you noticed the way that Kylo glanced over his shoulder for a brief moment, as if on instinct, to find out what you two were talking about.

"You would on your wedding day, though." Hux said, lips close to your ear so that he wouldn't disrupt anyone around the two of you with his talking.

"Am I getting married?" You whispered, not liking where this conversation was going.

Hux frowned at the tone of your voice, "I mean, eventually..." Were the two of you really about to discuss something as important as marriage in the middle of this? He knew better, after the stunt you pulled in your apartment with Kylo, he wasn't sure if he trusted you not to cause trouble. "Forget it." He added, letting go of your waist.

You were thankful that everyone was getting seated now that the bride at the altar because you were at a loss, unsure of how to respond to Hux. The thought of you getting married in general was scary enough but the idea of marrying Hux...you shuddered slightly, glancing between him and Kylo. 

The majority of the ceremony was uneventful, at least for you since you didn't even know the couple getting married, but you couldn't help the way your ears perked up when the bride starting saying her vows.

She was explaining that her relationship with the groom has never been stereotypically perfect. They've been through a lot together and the only thing that has kept them strong together as a couple was their feelings for each other. You bit your lip as you thought about it, how close to home that her words were hitting you. You were very aware of Kylo sitting next to you as you listened to the bride speak.

"I remember the moment I realized I was in love with you," The bride said, reading off of the paper in her hands, "You were sitting next to me and we weren't even talking to each other but I looked over at you and just had this overwhelming feeling...I knew I could never lose you. I knew I loved you then."

Mirroring her words, you and Kylo found yourselves looking over at each other. The bride's vows echoed in your mind as you stared into his eyes...you knew you could never lose him.

Then, an other thought hit you, almost smacking you in the face. Were you in love with Kylo?

You were suddenly emotional by the realization, turning your head away from him to look back ahead, your heart thumping out of your chest.

Kylo's thoughts were similar to yours. Falling in love was never an option for him...it wasn't something he ever thought of as even a possibility. But staring down at you...he wondered if it was already happening...Did he love you?

He was thankful that you averted your eyes. He wasn't sure how much more he could handle if you hadn't. He swallowed hard, jaw clenching. He had no idea how love was supposed to feel. Was this it?

When the ceremony wrapped up, Kylo was on his feet and practically rushing out of the door the second that people started exiting. He felt naked, even in his designer suit, after the thoughts that he had been having about you. He needed to get out of there and be alone.

You watched after him, stomach sinking. You hadn't done anything, you had literally just sat there but you couldn't help but feel like you did something wrong...You felt guilty for loving him, if that's what this was.

"I'm ready for a drink." Hux sighed, oblivious, patting your knee before standing up from his seat.

"No shit." You replied, joining him on your feet and ignoring the look he was giving you for saying something like as that as loud as you had in a church.

He placed a hand on your forearm, squeezing a little, "We'll have fun tonight, won't we?" He asked you, pleading. You knew what he meant when he asked you that. He was asking if you were going to embarrass him tonight or not.

"Of course." You said to him with a strained smile. You tried to ignore the sinking feeling you had as your mind wandered back to Kylo, where he might be and what he might be thinking about.

At the reception, Kylo's assigned spot was at a different table from you and Hux. You knew you should've been thankful for that, it meant that there were less opportunities for things to go wrong, but not having Kylo with you disappointed you, especially because of the intense silent moment the two of you had shared and the way he reacted to it.

He was at the table next to yours and from the seats you both had taken, you were able to keep your eyes on each other without making it obvious to anyone else. Throughout dinner and while listening to the speeches from the wedding party, you two couldn't keep your eyes off of each other, like a magnet was being pulled between your gazes.

This was far from the first time that Kylo was witnessing you and Hux together but he noted how much different it felt for him tonight. Before, it was always a game between the two of you. You'd hang on Hux's arm or whisper in his ear and it was with the intention to make Kylo jealous. But tonight, the way it was making Kylo feel to see that...it was worse.

It made him sad. And angry. And it made him feel weak and helpless.

He could see the pained look in your eyes as you pretended to laugh at Hux's jokes or lean into his touch when you knew you were supposed to. Kylo felt something that was rare for him, he was empathetic towards you and his heart was hurting for you, that you were being forced to do this for him.

His mind was buzzing back to the realization he had been to coming to during the ceremony. These strong feelings he had for you, this urge to protect you and keep you safe...was that was love was?

Your eyes locked with his, his stare was powerful on you.

Whatever he was feeling for you...it was too late to stop it. 

"You said you hate weddings?" Hux said to you, recalling what you had said earlier. No one was really dancing or drinking yet, just socializing at their respective tables.

"I do." You agreed with him, "I mean, I don't hate marriage...I don't think. But the idea of all of this," You motioned around at the spectacle, "Seems like such a waste. Think about how much money this must've been and all the effort...I don't know, I'd rather just elope somewhere romantic."

Hux frowned. "This is what you have to do, though, you're supposed to have a wedding like this."

Your expression matched his. "According to who?"

He thought it over, humming under his breath in contemplation. He supposed no one had to have a big elaborate wedding but it was what was expected of someone like him in the mob, so his mind was finding it hard to process anything besides that.

The two of you were so different from each other. It became clearer every day.

"Got one of these with your name on it, Armitage." A man approached your table and held out a cigar towards Hux. "Come outside with us." He added, nodding towards the set of glass doors that lead to a balcony.

Hux glanced at you. "I'll be back, okay, honey?" He asked you and kissed you briefly before standing up and taking the cigar from the man's hands, joining him as they walked to the doors.

You sighed loudly, glancing around the room. You were alone now, which was typical at events like this. Usually you had no problem entertaining yourself, mob parties were great for people watching, But your thoughts were scattered all over the place, you were uneasy.

Kylo was across the room, leaning against the bar, when he saw that you were sitting by yourself. He also noticed the way that Hux was standing outside, kissing some trooper's asses to get on their good side, smoking with them. He narrowed his eyes at that. Were those troopers on Hux's side or Kylo's, he wondered.

Looking back at you, he excused himself from the conversation he was currently in and made his way over. He needed to be alone with you, he felt so out of place in this busy room without you by his side.

You squirmed in your seat, watching him walk towards you. When he was close enough, he leaned down so that his mouth was close to your ear, allowing him to speak softly.

"You see that hallway over there?" Kylo nodded towards the far wall in the room. When you indicated you saw it, he continued, "There's a room, second one on the right. Meet me there in a few minutes."

You frowned, eyebrows raising. "Is something wrong?"

His face was serious but he said nothing, instead, he pushed away from the table. Then, without glancing back at you, he made his way towards the hallway he had just referenced, with long and purposeful strides.

You took a deep breath, downing the rest of your drink in a single sip. You watched the time on your phone, giving yourself a full two minutes before you stood up yourself and started making your way to the same hallway. You glanced around, no one was looking at you. Without a mob boss by your side you weren't the center of attention.

'Second on the right' You repeated in your mind, stopping when you reached the door. You hesitated, awkward, unsure if you should knock. You decided to instead just turn the knob and were surprised to see that it easily opened, unable to be locked.

Your eyes scanned the room's perimeters and you could make out the fact that it was a dimly lit storage room. There were folding chairs, tables, and various items of decor that were put away for the time being. There was a small space in the middle that was empty and that's where Kylo was standing, arms folded across his chest.

"Hi." You said uncomfortably, shutting the door behind you slowly as if to make the least amount of noise.

"Come here." His voice rang out. He was commanding, as always, but there was some tenderness there that you were able to detect, maybe even some sadness.

You listened to him, knowing better than to disagree.

"Do you hear it?" Kylo asked as you got closer to him, as if you would understand what exactly he was referencing.

You stopped your movements, ending the sound of your heels tapping against the ground while you listened, trying to pick up on what he was talking about. "I hear the wedding." You said, confused.

"Do you hear the music?" He asked simply.

You nodded, "Kind of... Yeah, I guess I do."

"Good." Kylo replied and when you were close enough, he reached out and pulled you in to him. He interlocked his fingers with one of your hands while the other went to your waist.

"What are we doing?" You asked him, eyes curious as you looked up at him.

"I'm going to dance with you." Kylo said, moving so that you were closer to him, "That's what you wanted, right?" You noticed how he seemed nervous.

In reality, he was extremely uncomfortable. He wasn't sure if he could remember a time he ever danced, he didn't really know how to, but he was also just uncomfortable with the fact that he felt the need to give you this.

He couldn't stop thinking about your words before you two left for the wedding, how you wished you could be his no matter who was around. It was impossible for him to give you that right now, but he could at least give you this. Even if it was in a dark cramped storage room, he could give you a dance if that's what you needed.

"This is perfect, Kylo." You responded, agreeing, a look of affection in your eyes.

This wasn't exactly what you wanted. What you had meant was that you wanted to be able to do anything that other normal couples could do. But the fact that Kylo had listened to you and took your request so literally made you almost swoon. You told him you wanted to dance with him and although that was the last thing he wanted to do, here he was, pulling you into a back room just to make sure you were happy.

"Okay, princess." Kylo said, voice strained with the awkwardness that he was feeling.

It took a few moments to get into the rhythm of it but soon, you and Kylo were moving together to the soft music you that you were able to hear from the speakers in the main room. You placed your head against his chest, taking a deep breath and focusing on the way you could feel his breath rising and falling.

You felt like the two of you were in the only people in the world, dancing together to a muffled slow song, hearts beating out of your chests at the intimacy of it.

"Are you okay?" You found yourself asking him in a quiet voice.

He said nothing for a while but you felt the way his movements became stiffer. "I don't know." He mumbled.

You weren't sure what to say to that. You were once again hit with this feeling of guilt but you hadn't done anything, you hadn't meant to anyways. "Is it my fault?" You asked him, continuing to gently sway to the music.

Kylo thought about this, his thumb rubbing in a gentle motion on your waist. "Yes."

You stopped dancing, suddenly scared. He was upset with you and you were alone in this secluded room, it was dangerous. As much as you wanted to trust him, you weren't sure if you ever fully could.

"But I'm not angry with you." Kylo added, feeling you go rigid against him. He continued to move his feet to the song and you snapped out of your initial fear, shuffling with him again. "I don't know how I feel...But I'm not mad." He swallowed hard, "I've never felt this way before."

You didn't say anything for a while, understanding what he was trying to communicate now. He was having the same thoughts you had earlier...about love.

"Are you...upset about how you feel?" You asked, trying to find the right way to word it.

Kylo thought about it, sighing. "I don't know." He repeated.

You glanced up at him and saw that he was already staring down at you, but his eyes were far away. He was deep in thought.

"I feel the same way you do." You said to him cautiously. You could've been completely off but you knew how you felt earlier, the realization that hit you, your feelings for him. You felt a strong enough connection to Kylo that you were sure felt it too, even a fraction of it.

Kylo's face fell even farther at that, "I know you do." He squeezed your hand. He wasn't articulate right now, he didn't know how to communicate what he was thinking or feeling. He felt stupid and scared and he hated it. "Sometimes I wish you didn't."

Your stomach dropped, this felt too familiar. "Don't pull this shit again, Kylo, don't try to push me away." You warned him. You couldn't handle him trying to push you away like he had before. You stopped dancing with him, unlocking your fingers from him and moving so that you could look up at him,

Kylo didn't respond, instead he put his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoes. "I don't want to but I feel like I have to." He said in response. "I want so badly to own you but...." He trailed off, his gaze falling back onto you. "If you stay with me....I know what will happen to you. I don't know if I can let that happen."

"What will happen to me?" You asked him quickly, you felt frustration bubbling inside of you. You hated when he flip flopped like this.

"We keep talking about how you're turning into me and if you let yourself feel this..." He clenched, not able to say the word 'love' out loud, "This feeling for me, you're going to reach a point where you can't turn back. You will turn into me and you'll hate it, just like I do." His voice faltered at that admission, it was something he never admitted out loud before.

You sighed, "Kylo, stop. You were just begging me not to leave you the other day and now you're talking like this again....I don't know what you want from me."

Kylo was feeling the same frustration now. He was battling so much in his mind and he didn't know how you explain it to you. He reached forward and grabbed your shoulders, "I don't want you to leave me. But I know you should." His hands were shaky on you.

You tried to shrug his hands off but you couldn't, "I'm not leaving you, Kylo. I don't care what you say to me, I'm here, I'm staying here." You noticed the way his eyes widened, he suddenly looked so small, in awe of what you were saying to him. "I know what this life is like and I'm choosing it, I want it. I want you."

Kylo was silent, his grip loosening on you. He ran those words over and over again in his mind. You knew how fucked up he was and you wanted it, you wanted him regardless of his faults. He had never heard someone say something like that to him before.

Everyone wanted to change him for the better or wanted to pull him farther into the darkness. But not you. You wanted him for who he was now. You accepted him for who he was, you didn't push him into becoming who he had been in the past or who he had the potential to be in the future.

You wanted Kylo and you didn't give a fuck about what you had to sacrifice to have him.

You saw the way that you were getting through to him and you continued, pushing your luck. "Earlier at the wedding...I looked over at you and I realized something."

Kylo said your name softly and shook his head, "Careful." He warned you. He knew where this was going and he wasn't sure if he wanted you to say it out loud.

"I know you realized it too, I could tell." You argued, voice rising. "So stop trying to push me away, it's not going to work. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." You said, moving close to him again.

Kylo's lip slightly quivered as this washed over him. Deep down, this was what he always secretly wanted. Someone who understood him and accepted him. He didn't think it was possible because he viewed himself as such a monster, he didn't think he was worthy of anyone, especially not someone like you.

You saw the look in his eyes and felt brave. You reached up and put a hand on his cheek. "Kylo, I...." You trailed off, feeling scared to say it. You needed to tell him. You needed to tell Kylo that you love him.

Kylo was stiff underneath you, jaw clenched and staring at you in concentration.

"I-"

You were cut off by light flooding the dark room and the sound of someone saying: 'Oh'.

Both of your heads snapped towards the now open door.

Standing there was one of the groomsmen, a trooper that you had vaguely recognized when he walked down the aisle.

The man stared at the way that you and Kylo were pressed against each other, your hand on his cheek. "Shit. Sorry....I didn't see anything, I swear." He was fully aware that you were dating Hux and seeing you and Kylo together was a mistake for him.

You quickly moved away from Kylo, smoothing your dress awkwardly, trying to look anywhere but the man across from you. Your heart was beating so fast, you had been caught. You hoped Kylo could handle this because if he couldn't, you were in serious danger.

"Shut that fucking door." Kylo growled. He was irritated that he had to deal with this but he was also irritated that you hadn't been able to finish your sentence. He wasn't worried, he'd take care of this but it was a nuisance.

The man looked like he was a deer in headlights, eyes wide with fear as he reached behind him to shut the door. It was never a good thing to be alone in a room with Kylo Ren after seeing something that you shouldn't have.

Once the door was shut, Kylo pulled a gun out from his suit jacket. "Sit down." He told him, motioning towards one of the folded up chairs.

You watched as the trooper moved over to one, grabbing it and unfolding it clumsily. When he had it set up and had taken a seat, Kylo moved over to him, the weapon trained carefully on his forehead.

"You have any weapons on you?" Kylo asked in a voice you hardly recognized.

You shifted on your high heels. You wished you could walk out, you didn't want to see this.

The man was whimpering in fear. He nodded towards his jacket, "A gun, the inside pocket." He said. "I swear I can just pretend I didn't see anything. I was just coming in here to find a place to hook up with this girl."

Kylo grunted in response, keeping the gun pointed at the man while his other hand ran along his jacket, trying to find exactly where the gun was. When he found it, Kylo pulled it out and put it in his own pocket, taking it away from him.

"You aren't gonna fucking move, got it?" Kylo said to him, knocking the barrel of the gun against the man's head as if to remind him what would happen if he did. Then, Kylo took out a cellphone, a burner phone, and dialed a number while not taking his eyes off the man seated below him.

"Kylo..."You started to say, wanting to ask if you could leave but he held up his hand with his phone in it to quiet you. It worked, you quickly shut your mouth, not wanting to piss him off when he was like this.

Kylo called called Vicrul, needing his Knight's help to pull this off. After Kylo told him to call him back on a throwaway phone, he began giving him instructions. He told Vicrul to bring a few other Knights and bring supplies to clean 'things up' which caused the man with the gun against his head to panic.

"What's your name?" Kylo asked the trooper, his voice casual, as if he were just asking how his day was going, as if he wasn't threatening him.

The man was at a loss of words, why did his name matter? He couldn't speak for a few seconds but then worked up the courage, "D-Dennis."

Kylo chuckled darkly and nodded, "It's Dennis." He said on the phone, letting Vicrul know. Then to explain, "My Knights were just curious to know the name of the man who's body they'd be chopping up later."

You bit your lip to hold back your gasp at that, quickly looking away. No matter how many times you saw this side of Kylo, it would always shock you. How could this person be the same person you were just about to admit your love to?

"Send a car too." Kylo said on the phone. 

Vicrul asked if the car was for you and Kylo responded with, "Yeah, have someone take her home and stay with her until I get there."

He briefly glanced at you over his shoulder, "Tell Hux you're leaving, someone will let you know when the driver's here for you." He was taking control, making sure you did what you were supposed to.

You were frozen, accidentally making eye contact with the man sitting down in front of Kylo. His eyes pleaded with you, begging for you to help him. You didn't have any intention of actually doing so but the guilt you were feeling made you pause.

"Now." Kylo added in a low threatening tone.

You shivered and rushed to the door, wanting to just do whatever he told you to. As you shut it behind you, you heard the man, Dennis?, start begging Kylo to let him leave.

You took a deep breath, trembling as you made your way back into the reception. You were responsible for yet another person's death.

The reception was a direct contrast to what was going on in the storage room that you had just left. Out here everyone was laughing, dancing and, drinking. Back where Kylo was, the only sounds that were taking place were the man's crying and begging.

You felt like you were going to puke as your eyes scanned around the room. You saw Hux still standing outside on the balcony. He was smiling and smoking cigars with a few of the troopers, completely oblivious to everything that had just taken place.

For once, you were jealous of him for that. 

Your apartment was dark and quiet but you hardly noticed, your mind was loud, buzzing.

As you laid in bed your thoughts wandered back to the way you had started your day, having sex with Kylo in bed, it seemed like so long ago... You glanced at his spot where he usually slept and it was currently empty. You knew you should be asleep yourself but you were worried. He said he'd stop by after everything was taken care of but that should've been hours ago, if you had to guess.

You were able to see into your living room from your open bedroom door, where Ushar was currently asleep on your couch snoring softly. The light from the TV was flashing throughout the room, the only light source in the entire apartment. He was there to watch over you until Kylo got back but he wasn't currently doing any watching, which was fine with you. 

Not only were you worried about whether Kylo was safe or not, or if everything went okay with that man who had witnessed the two of you together, you were also anxious about what you had almost admitted to him.

You had been so close to saying it: 'I love you, Kylo'.

If it weren't for the trooper who barged in and interrupted you, you would've done it.

You were glad that you hadn't, the thought of admitting that out loud now was too intimidating to you. You had no idea how he would've reacted to hear that...

The sound of your front door opening, made both you and Ushar sit up abruptly.

"Oh shit, hey, how's it going?" Ushar yawned, rubbing his eyes, pretending as if he had been awake the whole time.

"How diligent." He said sarcastically, noticing the Knight had been fast asleep. "You can leave now." You weren't able to see him but you could clearly hear that it was Kylo's voice.

"Sweet." Ushar replied, gathering up his phone and jacket that he'd placed on your coffee table while he standing up. "She's asleep in there." He told Kylo, as if to prove that he had been doing his job of being a watch dog.

You were able to see Kylo glance into your open door and he rolled his eyes when he saw you sitting up in bed, "No she's not."

"I just woke up." You called out, not wanting Kylo to get upset with Ushar for slacking.

In the dark room you could see Ushar giving you a wave and wink of 'thanks' behind Kylo's back, for covering for him, before heading towards the door.

As Kylo walked into your room, you leaned over and turned a lamp on. You could tell that he must've stopped by his apartment first, he had on pajamas and his hair was wet signaling that he must've taken a shower before coming over.

"I've been so worried, was everything okay?" You asked, pulling your blanket up to your chest.

Kylo ran a hand through his hair, collapsing into bed next to you with a yawn. He stared up at the ceiling and when he shifted slightly you were able to see a bandage where his shirt had ridden up, on his side.

"What's that?" You asked, quickly lifting up the side of the shirt so you could see it better. "You're hurt." You added, noticing the blood that was stained on the cloth of the bandage, panicking at the sight of it.

"No." Kylo sighed, "I have an injury, it doesn't hurt." He corrected you bitterly, as if there was a big difference.

"What happened?" You asked. You were far more concerned about it than he was.

Kylo ignored you, grabbing your arm gently and pulling you down so that you were laying with him instead of sitting up looking down at him. Then he moved you and himself so that he was spooning you from behind, his wound facing up so that it wasn't pressed against anything.

"I took care of it." Kylo said softly. You could feel his nose running against the skin in the crook of your neck, "I took care of everything, okay? No one will ever know, there's no way that guy will tell anyone what he saw." He was assuring you. He sounded so tired.

You took his hand that was draped around you and pulled it tighter around you, pulling him in closer. You tried not to think about what could've happened that would've caused him to get hurt, what had taken so long, etc. Kylo was here in bed with you and he was alive and that's all you needed right now.

You two were silent and you felt his chest moving at an even pace, you wondered if he was asleep already. You realized that he could've easily just passed out in his bed but instead he walked down the hall, even as tired as he was and it made your heart pound.

"Kylo..." You started. You were thinking about what you almost admitted to him earlier. It was so clear to you again in this moment, with his arms around you and his guard down... you loved him.

"Hm?" He murmured, his lips brushing against your collarbone as he did so.

You could say it now. You had been interrupted before but it was just the two of you now, no distractions. You opened your mouth to speak, your pulse quickening.

But then a visual popped into your head. Kylo with his gun to that trooper's forehead, mocking him. You remembered what you saw in that basement before, the sadistic grin on his face as he made those men beg and cry...

You couldn't do it. You couldn't bring yourself to say you loved him. You were too scared.

"This will all be over eventually, right? Sneaking around like this?" You asked him instead, cautiously, correcting your close mistake.

Kylo yawned, "One day. I promise, one day this will all make sense."

You were silent for a while then, thinking it over. You couldn't imagine it, as much as you wanted to.

"Goodnight." You said to him in a slightly trembling voice, your hand squeezing his.

He was half asleep already, he was ignorant to the torment you were putting yourself through internally.

"Sweet dreams, princess." Kylo said in a soft voice, placing a kiss to your skin before he let himself doze off.

As you stared off into the darkness, sweet dreams were the farthest thing from your mind.

You felt like you were in a nightmare.


	26. Discipline

When you woke up on Monday morning and thought to yourself, 'I want to get fucked', you meant by Kylo Ren, not by your art history exam.

Sitting at your desk in class, your mind was blank. The questions on the test in front of you were completely foreign to you, you had never even heard of these artists or paintings that you were being questioned about. You glanced around the room, noticing the way that everyone was furiously writing away, focused. Clearly, you were alone in your struggles.

You had taken a few days off from class (well, more than a few) after Hux had done what he had to your classmate Connor. But you had felt like you were caught up...It was becoming obvious to you now that you weren't. You had no idea what you were doing.

It took you about thirty minutes to flip through the packet of pages and write down guesses for a few of the questions...the others were blank. Even if you somehow got the guesses correct, you would never be able to pass.

You walked to the front of the class, handing the exam to your professor with a sheepish look before rushing out of the door, embarrassed.

"That sucked." You mumbled to yourself with a sigh as you made your way outside of the building. 

Kylo had sent you a text while you were taking the exam to let you know that Vicrul would be taking you back to your apartment. You walked to class without a Knight escorting you and it upset Kylo, you knew you weren't supposed to go anywhere alone.

You assumed that Vicrul was just going to walk back with you so when you saw him leaning against a shiny black motorcycle, parked on the curb next to the busy street, you stopped dead in your tracks.

"Are you serious?" You asked but you couldn't help the slow grin that was making it's way onto your face as you approached him. "Aren't we supposed to keep a low profile?"

You glanced around and noticed how many people were staring. It wasn't every day that a man as gorgeous as Vicrul was just casually relaxing against a motorcycle, looking like a model. Especially not in front of a college campus filled with girls making eyes at him.

"What? This is a low profile. I could've brought out my red one." Vicrul teased you, smirking. He was fully aware of the attention he was receiving and he loved it. All the Knights were cocky as hell, you were convinced they learned it from Kylo.

You made your way over to him, in between groups of moving people who were gawking at Vicrul. "I shouldn't get on there with you, everyone's staring at us." You said in a hushed voice. Vicrul was there to make sure you got home safe but you were also running the risk of someone seeing you alone with a Knight, which was innocent in itself, but if Hux got a hold of that, he would know better.

"I know." He grinned, "It's awesome, there's so many hot girls on your campus, I should pick you up more often." He said as he nodded to one fo them that was waving at him, flirting as she passed.

"Jesus. Okay, fine." You sighed. The longer the two of you stood there, the more people that were going to notice. "Let's go." You told him.

Vicrul gave you a sheepish look before reaching towards his seat and then he was holding a helmet out towards you. "I'm really sorry about this but..." He trailed off. Even though he didn't see anything wrong with wearing it, he knew you wouldn't want to, especially not if someone else was telling you to.

"Oh, no." You shook your head, "Not for me."

"You have to." He sighed, "Kylo told me you can't get on it without one."

You rolled your eyes at that but held back a smile. Kylo was so protective over you. "I'm in charge of you too now, remember? And I say I don't want to wear a helmet." You said, crossing your arms across your chest.

Vicrul said nothing for a moment instead he started laughing out loud. "Holy shit, you're grumpy today. What happened? Are you that disappointed to see me?" He teased you. He was worried about you. A part of that came from the fact that he was scared of Kylo and didn't want to be blamed for anything if something was going on with you. But also, Vicrul just liked you. All of the Knights did, you fit in so well.

You faltered at his question, remembering the reason why you were in a bad mood in the first place. "Honestly...I just failed a test and I'm mad at myself for it." You admitted with a sigh.

Vicrul's eyebrows furrowed, "Can't you just like...pay your professor off or something?" He asked, genuinely confused, as if that was just something that normal people did. The mafia world was so disconnected from the real world. "I could go talk to them for you, if you want." He offered earnestly, patting at his jacket where you were sure a weapon was tucked inside.

"No." You interrupted him quickly, "No thank you, don't do that." The last thing you needed was Vicrul to threaten your professor on top of everything else going on in your life.

He shrugged at that, "Okay then. Suit yourself." He grinned at you, as if he had just offered you something innocent. It was strange for you to speak with someone who had literally fucked you with a gun and still find him adorable, but here you were.

At that thought, you took the helmet from him. "Okay, fine, I'll wear it. But only because I don't want Kylo to murder you." He was always so nice to you, you felt guilty that you were giving him a hard time about this, he was just there to keep you safe.

Vicrul put on a fake shocked face. "That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." He took your hand and helped you get onto the back of his motorcycle, ignoring the way you were pouting as you strapped the helmet under your chin.

"Don't get used to it, Vic." You joked with him. You wrapped your arms around his waist from behind as he revved up the engine. You ignored the way that everyone around was stopping and staring at the two of you.

"Ready?" He called out over his shoulder, over the rumbling sound and you gave him a half hearted thumbs up, tightening your grip around him.

You weren't sure if you'd ever be ready for what the mafia was giving you.

You and Vicrul were now sitting on your couch, music playing with various snacks and beer on the table in front of you two. You were both waiting for Kylo to come back so that Vicrul could stop watching you, as if he were your babysitter... you supposed in a way he was. 

After what happened with the trooper who walked in on the two of you dancing the night before, Kylo was on edge. It had been a close call and he didn't want to take that chance again. As much as you hated it, you knew it was smart to have someone around you to make sure you were alright.

Vicrul had one of your sketchbooks in his lap, attempting to draw based on your directions. He asked you to help him become an 'artist' and drawing with pencil wasn't your favorite but you didn't have paint on hand.

"That's not bad, but make the line thinner there." You pointed to what you were referencing and bit your lip to keep from laughing at the way that Vicrul groaned in frustration.

"I tried that. I don't know what I'm fucking doing wrong." He looked like he was going to snap your pencil in half with the way that he was gripping it as he tried to draw a thin line.

"Here, let me show you." You took the pencil from his hand and erased what he had drawn, then demonstrated how you wanted him to draw it.

Vicrul was staring at you in awe, like you had just done something amazing like a magic trick, instead of just drawing a slightly thinner line. "See? You asked, then handed the writing utensil back, "You try."

Vicrul sighed, already frustrated again. But nonetheless, he attempted to draw the line, taking his time. It looked a lot better and he looked up at you with a big grin, eyebrows raised. A puppy.

"Hell yeah, look at that! It looks just like mine." You high fived him.

He was beaming, like he really had just accomplished something.

Then, the smile on his face quickly fell when there was someone audibly at the door. A short knock could be heard before the sound of keys.

Vicrul was up from the couch in a second, gun drawn towards the source of noise. You were about to let him know it was Kylo, he was the only one with keys to your apartment, but decided it would be funnier to watch the way this played out.

After turning the lock, Kylo entered and instantly smirked at the way a weapon was being held on him.

"Sorry." Vicrul exhaled when he saw who it was, lowering it and placing it back into the inner pocket of his jacket, "Just playing it safe." He explained sheepishly.

Kylo casually moved towards him, shifting so that he was able to take the seat next to you, where Vicrul had just been sitting. "Don't apologize. That's what you should've done." He said approvingly, his eyes stayed on yours the whole time. "You're much better at this job than Ushar is, Vicrul." He commented, recalling how the other Knight had been passed out on your couch when he was supposed to be alert after the wedding.

"Hi princess." Kylo greeted you, leaning down to kiss you briefly. "How was class?"

It didn't matter how many times the two of you kissed. Kylo pressing his lips against yours so casually and comfortably would always light your skin on fire. You two had come so far compared to when you first met each other.

"It was fine." You lied which caused Vicrul to let out a snort of laughter.

"What's funny?" Kylo asked, eyebrow raised, turning his head towards him.

"Nothing." The Knight replied, taking in the way you were glaring at him.

Kylo's eyes were on yours again, suspicious. "Did something happen?"

You shook your head, "Nope." You said it a little too quickly.

Kylo said your name lowly, in a tone that said, 'I know better than that'.

You sighed in frustration, picking up a pretzel from your coffee table and tossing it at Vicrul's face. Why did he have to expose you like that? "I failed a test." You admitted, averting your eyes.

Kylo's face fell into a frown. "You did?"

It was poor timing, really, because you and Kylo had just had a conversation about this sort of thing that very morning:

Kylo had been working out in his apartment and you were there for moral support.

And, also to be around him when he was sweaty and shirtless with his hair pulled back, it was your favorite.

He had been doing sit ups while you held his feet down.

"You're still painting, right? And studying?" Kylo asked in between huffs and movements. Even though he was clearly getting a work out in, he was talking to you like it was nothing, hardly out of breath.

"Yeah." You shrugged then thought about it, "I mean, kind of, I guess...It's been hard to do lately. There's so much going on."

Kylo made a grunting sound and you weren't sure if it was in response to you or because of the sit up he had just been doing. He did a few more before laying down and taking deep breaths.

You moved your hands away and he then shifted slightly so that he was able to make eye contact with you from his lying position. "I want you to keep doing what you were doing before you met me, if you were painting every day I want you to keep painting every day. And stop missing class. Got it?"

"Why?" You asked, handing him his water bottle that he was grasping towards, out of his reach.

He thought it over, taking a drink. "I don't want my world to consume you, I don't want your entire life to be the mafia." Kylo wasn't looking at you, his eyes on the ceiling in concentration. "It'll burn you out and you'll want to leave."

You realized then what he meant. If you lost yourself in the mob, you would hate it and you wouldn't want to be with him anymore.

"Okay." You agreed with him, heart thumping at how desperate he was to keep you around. 

"What did we talk about today?" Kylo asked you, scolding. You didn't answer him, looking away. You were used to him being mad at you but this was different, you disappointed him and it sucked.

Vicrul was gathering his belongings together, trying not to intrude on the situation that he had just caused for you. He felt bad, he didn't think Kylo would care about that.

"I know." You sighed, "But I missed so much class and then I couldn't get caught up-"

Kylo cut you off by wrapping a hand around your throat. "No excuses." He hissed, "You were doing so well before I got here, am I that much of a distraction?"

You looked away. "Yes, actually. You are. All of this is." You honestly replied. All you could think about was him and the mob and the fact that if you made one wrong move it would all be over for you. Studying the symbolism of the color red in neoclassical paintings just wasn't something you had the mental capacity for at the moment.

"Well you're going to have to figure out a way to work through those distractions. They're never going to stop, they're just going to get worse." Kylo let go of your throat with a sigh. He was genuinely upset, not with you, but with the fact that he was watching the way that you were losing yourself into this lifestyle. It scared him.

He loved thinking about how he brought out this bad ass side of you but he didn't want you to become something you weren't. You would never be able to forgive him.

You already felt shitty about the test, you hated knowing that it upset Kylo too. You frowned.

Kylo frowned too, that's not what he wanted, he didn't want to make you feel bad. 

He valued your art and your education because it was something you had that had nothing to do with him. Even though he had given that donation a while ago, that had been the only contact Kylo had with that area of your life. There was something exciting about knowing you had an entire set of knowledge that he didn't. You impressed him.

Then, a dark look cast itself over his eyes, a mischievous idea popping into his head, knowing how to cheer you up while still staying on topic. "Does daddy need to teach you a lesson in discipline?"

You couldn't help but smirk at that. This was much better than disappointment.

"Go get one of your textbooks." He leaned in closer, "And one of your toys."

Vicrul was about to leave but hearing how Kylo's voice changed made him hover by the door, curious to see what was going to happen next.

"Toys?" You asked. You were almost sure what he meant but it was seemingly out of nowhere, you needed him to assure you before you embarrassed yourself.

"The one we were talking about yesterday." He reminded you. The day before you and Kylo had a conversation about your favorite vibrator that you owned. You couldn't believe he even remembered let alone wanted you to go get it.

"You can stay, Vicrul, I'll need your help." He added, glancing over at the other man with a smirk before training his eyes back on you.

"Now." Kylo added, forcefully. The way he said it made you jump up from the couch, not wanting to disappoint him any more than you already had.

After going into your room and gathering what he asked you to, you walked back out to your living room and saw that Kylo and Vicrul were sitting at each end of your couch, watching you intently.

"Give him that," Kylo pointed to the book in your hand. You were confused but handed Vicrul the art history book. "And let me see that." Kylo pointed to the vibrator that was in your other hand. You swallowed hard as you handed it to him, noticing how much smaller it was in his hands than it was in yours.

Kylo was pleased with how quickly you were obeying him, wanting to please him after you had upset him over your failed test. "Take off your pants and your underwear " He told you, his voice was less commanding, more gentle, because he knew you were already listening to him.

Your eyes scanned between the two men, pulse quickening. You did as you were told, taking off your pants, soon followed by your panties.

"Good girl." Kylo praised you. He held his hand out and somehow, you knew what he wanted. You handed him the underwear and rolled your eyes when he tucked them in his jacket pocket.

You noticed the way Vicrul was shifting in his seat, realizing what type of thing that he was going to be helping out with now. He was excited.

Kylo then motioned you towards him with two fingers, the gold on his rings twinkling in the overhead lights as he did so. "I want you to lay down. Feet over here," He patted the spot on one side of his thighs, "Head on his lap." He motioned towards Vicrul.

"What?" You asked with a breathless chuckle.

"You can do it." Kylo urged you.

You glanced at Vicrul and he gave you a little nod, his way of encouraging you as well.

Your heartbeat was in your ears as you made your way closer to the couch. You carefully followed his directions, placing your feet over his legs and after getting another nod from Vicrul, you slowly laid your head down in his lap. You kept your eyes on Kylo, nervous to be this close to Vicrul, it felt so intimate.

"Vicrul's gonna show you a page of your book and I'm just going to have you read it out loud to me. That's it. Do you think you can do that?" Kylo asked you in a low voice.

You nodded but had a nervous look on your face. You knew that wasn't all.

As if on cue, Kylo pressed a button and the hum of your vibrator came to life. "But you're going to show me that you can work through distractions...this is your lesson, princess."

You inhaled, squeezing your thighs together at the thought of it. 

Vicrul was just as tense with desire as you were. He loved when Kylo let him join in. He wanted you so bad and this was the only way he would ever be able to have you.

Kylo nodded to the book in the man's hands on the other side of the couch, wordlessly telling him to open it. As much as the two of you were into this, arguably, Kylo was turned on even more. It was such a power trip when he did these things with you when his Knights were around. It gave him the ability to control everyone at once. The two of you were hanging on his every word, he loved it.

"Which page?" Vicrul asked you and you shrugged with a noise of apathy, it didn't matter to you. At that, Vicrul opened up to a random page and held it open to you. "Is that okay?" He asked you, making sure that it was at an okay angle.

You went to say 'yes' but instead a gasp came out at the feeling of Kylo parting your thighs and pressing the vibrator in between your legs.

"Read it to me." Kylo instructed you, his voice even, as if he weren't doing this to you.

"U-Um," You faltered, blinking, trying to even get a hold on what you were looking at. "It's a page about the painting 'Saturn Devouring His Son'..." You were trying your best to sound casual but that was nearly impossible, you even had to talk over the sound of the vibrations against your skin.

"Okay, what else? Tell me about it." Kylo said casually, a hand on your knee to hold your legs apart while he continued to hold the toy in place.

"Kylo, this is stupid, I can't focus." You said, letting out a nervous giggle. Both of the men's eyes were trained on you, focused and it was making you freeze up.

Kylo said nothing but instead he pressed a button on the wand in his hand, making the vibrations stronger.

"Fuck." You groaned, jumping at the way that it was vibrating against you more intensely. It was too much, all at once and it made you wince. "Stop, it hurts, turn it down." You gasped out.

Vicrul frowned looking over at Kylo with cautious eyes. As hot as it was to see you become overwhelmed, he was hoping Kylo would take pity on you. It was Vic's fault that you were in this situation in the first place since he had basically let it slip that you failed the test.

"I'll turn it down if you promise you'll try harder for me." Kylo said to you, having to talk over the sound of the louder hum.

"Okay, fuck! Yes, fine!" You could barely speak. "I'll try harder."

Kylo smirked, happy with that, then turned it down to a lower setting. "Good girl." He praised you, "Keep going, teach me about it. You have to stay focused." He said, nodding towards the book that was still resting in Vicrul's hands, holding it up for you.

You took a shaky breath and when you glanced up at Vicrul, you saw that he was staring down at you, chest rising and falling quickly. You couldn't ignore the way that you felt him growing harder underneath you, your head in his lap.

You tried to focus on the book in front of you so that you could tell Kylo what the words on the page were saying but you couldn't process it. The pleasure you were feeling combined with the graphically violent painting on the page in front of you was making it difficult to read.

After shakily reading the first sentence out loud, you shut your eyes with a sigh in arousal and when you opened them you lost your place. 

"Right here." Vicrul mumbled to you, helping you, his finger pointing out on the page where you had left off.

"Thank you." You managed to gasp out, hands grasping at the couch cushion below you so that you could focus your tension on something besides the feeling in between your legs.

Vicrul felt himself become proud that you were thanking him, that he had been able to assist you while you were vulnerable like this. "Here, let me help you." He told you in a gentle voice, wanting to do more. He then pointed to the words on the page, moving in time with you saying them out loud.

You moaned out what you were reading, a paragraph explaining the meaning behind the painting, following Vicrul's finger as you did so. Something about Kylo being so cold while Vicrul was being so attentive was so hot to you, the best of both worlds were on the couch with you.

You made brief eye contact with Kylo over the top of the book in front of you and as you did so, Kylo pressed a button on the vibrator, turning it up a level. "Show me how you can focus, princess, make daddy proud."

You cussed under your breath, your back arching at the feeling. You were still trying your best to read out loud but Kylo was also trying his best to fuck with you. Every time he noticed you getting closer to an orgasm, he'd move the vibrator away quickly, cutting you off.

"Kylo, please." You begged, "I promise I'll study more and stop missing class and I'll try really hard on my other assignments and-" Your rant was cut off by the feeling of Kylo's long middle finger slowly entering inside of you, causing you to gasp his name out.

You were too caught up in the moment to hear Vicrul let out a deep sigh, watching everything and being so entranced by it. You looked so beautiful and you were physically so close to him right now.

"I want you to finish the paragraph that you're on and then I'll decide if you get to cum. You have to earn it." Kylo said to you, swallowing hard. "You were a bad girl for failing your test, weren't you? You have to show me that you won't let it happen again, show me that you have some discipline." He was trying his best to keep up the 'disappointed' act but really, he was thoroughly enjoying the show. It always sent a shock of arousal through his system to see you beg, you were usually so stubborn.

"Oh my god." You whined, blinking quickly to find Vicrul's finger on the page so that you could continue reading. You would do anything, you needed the release.

In a shaky voice, you finished reading the paragraph that you had been on, doing so quicker than before so that you could get it over with. It had been a struggle and many times Vicrul's finger was stuck on a certain word for longer than necessary, waiting for you to find the strength to say it in between your moans.

At some point, Kylo had added another finger inside of you, making you ache even more at the feeling of being filled up by him.

"Wow, good job." Vicrul praised you, a boyish grin on his face, innocent somehow even with everything going on around him.

The contrast between himself and the Knight across from him, made Kylo chuckle darkly. "What do you think?" He asked the man across from him, "Should I make her cum?" Kylo asked, his fingers languidly moving in and out of you at a steady pace, brushing against your inner walls with each thrust while he held your vibrator against you with the other hand.

Vicrul glanced down at your pleading eyes, his cheeks blushing as he did so to see you already looking up at him. "You should. She wants it so badly. Don't you?" He asked you in a teasing manner.

You let out a small whimper, nodding quickly. Your eyes went from man to man, not sure who to focus on. "I'm so close, I want it so fucking bad."

Kylo let himself growl at that, not being able to pretend that seeing you this desperate wasn't driving him wild. "Put the book away, Vicrul, I want to see her." He said, not wanting anything to block his view. You loved the way he talked about you when the Knights were around, like you weren't even in the room. It was degrading in a way and as much as you hated to admit it, you loved when he treated you like this.

Vicrul didn't have to be told twice, discarding the book onto the table next to him, giving Kylo a clear shot of vision at you.

"Tell me that you'll be a good girl from now on." Kylo urged you, his fingers moving at a quicker pace, giving you exactly what you needed from him.

"Fuck, Kylo, I'm gonna cum." You told him in a rushed voice, panicking that you were going to finish before he gave you permission.

"No you aren't." Kylo 'tsk'ed at you, not stopping his movements even slightly. "You're going to have to say it first." He taunted, showing no mercy.

You felt tears prick at your eyes in frustration, "I'll be a good girl, Kylo, I won't let it happen again. God, please-" Your words were cut off by the feeling of Kylo's fingers curling slightly inside of you, rubbing against your walls even more, causing a surge of pleasure to smack you right in the face, your orgasm washing over you intensely.

"Oh my god, oh my god." You repeated to yourself over and over again, whining at the way your aching was subsiding, rolls of pleasure causing your muscles to convulse in rhythm with his movements and the vibrations against you.

"That's it, good girl, cum on my fingers, just like that." He praised you, keeping the same thrusting motion as he let you ride it out.

Vicrul's mouth was parted in awe, watching everything in astonishment. You were like an angel in his eyes, it blew his mind. He let himself wipe some tears away that had fallen on your cheeks as you came, his fingers were like feathers against your skin.

As you came down from your high, Kylo turned off the toy and removed his fingers from inside of you. Even though that had exhausted you, the feeling of being empty of him still made you let out a disappointed sigh.

There was a long moment of silence as the two men let you catch your breath and come back down to Earth.

Kylo noticed the slight wetness on your cheeks and under your eyes and he knew that you needed some attention. You always did when he made you finish as hard as you just had.

"Let us be alone." Kylo said to Vicrul with a nod, grabbing for your hands so that he could pull you up into a seated position. He took in the way that you were shaking slightly in his grip and it gave him a certain feeling in his chest that was becoming all too familiar. He wasn't sure what to call it but it was this urge to hold you and take care of you.

Vicrul understood and stood up from the couch. "Let me know if you need my help for anything else." He said with a smirk on his face, if the help involved something like that again, he'd drop everything to show up.

Before Vicrul left, he glanced back at you and gave you a gentle smile and a nod, assuring you that you did a good job. It was surprising to him that you could come undone like you just had and he still had respect for you.

When the door was shut behind him, you let out a large yawn that caused Kylo to raise an eyebrow, "Do you need a nap?" He asked, amused.

"Honestly, yes." You told him with a shrug. You had been tired before all of that had just taken place and that just wore you out even more. You were trying not to think about how casual things like this were becoming. Before, the thought of even Kylo seeing you naked was shocking to you. Now, group sex with mafia members was a somewhat regular thing and you had to admit to yourself, you didn't hate it..quite the opposite actually.

Kylo said nothing. Instead he reached towards you so that he could gather you in his arms, picking you up from the couch while grabbing your textbook with his free hand. He carried you into your room, gently setting you down on the bed with your book before he moved to your drawers, somehow remembering exactly which one had your pajamas inside.

He tossed a pair to you before reaching in another drawer and pulling out underwear, tossing those to you as well. "What about the ones that are in your pocket?" You asked since he had taken them from you earlier.

Kylo grinned, "I think I'll keep those."

You rolled your eyes but didn't argue, you were thankful that he was taking care of you and you weren't going to ruin that by being a smart ass. You got changed, slipping into the comfortable pair of underwear and pajamas that he picked out for you and then had to hold back a grin as you watched Kylo crawl onto the bed with you, kicking his shoes off before doing so.

Kylo grabbed your book then laid his back against your headboard before motioning you towards him. "Come here, daddy's gonna read to you until you fall asleep." He said, casually, as if that wasn't the cutest fucking thing you'd ever heard him say to you.

You were shocked for a moment, trying to figure out if this was real life or not. When you discovered that you were in fact not dreaming, you crawled towards him, finding a spot in between his legs with your back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and held the book out so that you could look down at it with him.

"A bedtime story?" You teased him. You were glad that he couldn't see the giant smile on your face at the idea of it, since your back was to him.

Kylo flipped through the pages, trying to find something that might actually interest him, he ignored your exact comment, not wanting to admit that he was doing something so soft. "You deserve it after being such a good student during your lesson." He smirked, referencing the act you had just committed with him and Vicrul.

You said nothing to that, your stomach fluttering violently. You weren't sure if Kylo even had any idea how much he looked out for you, how protective and caring he was for you. It just seemed to come so natural to him, he always just knew exactly what you needed.

"I am going to try harder, by the way." You told him sheepishly. "I was at the top of my class before you got here...I hate that I lost that somehow." You admitted to him.

Kylo hummed at that. He didn't like hearing how much he was negatively impacting you but he knew that it was the case, he was just going to have to do everything that he could to fix it. "I know you will, princess, you just have to focus, okay? That's part of this life, you'll get better at it." He assured you.

You let out a small sound of agreement. 'You'll get used to it', was a phrase you told yourself often but it didn't exactly make things easier.

After settling on a page, Kylo began reading it out loud to you in a quiet voice, his mouth close to your ear. You wanted so badly to stay up and witness how sweet he was being but it was also so soothing. You found yourself starting to doze off, no matter how many times you blinked to stay awake.

When Kylo felt your breathing grow steady, indicating that you were asleep, he stopped reading to you and placed the book on the bed beside you.. He kissed the top of your head lightly before yawning himself and shutting his eyes, letting himself fall asleep as well, content. 

Your peaceful moment lasted almost an hour before a loud knocking at your front door woke up the two of you.

You tried to gather your thoughts and understand what was going on, you were still half asleep.

You heard your name being called and 'Are you home?' and the voice that you recognized made you snap out of it.

It was Hux.


	27. Prove It

Falling asleep against Kylo's chest while he read your textbook out loud to you had been like heaven. He was a mob boss and he was soft for you. He protected you and took care of you, it was all so unreal.

And too good to be true.

You and Kylo had done such a good job hiding.

Until now.

"Are you home?" Hux's voice rang out through your apartment, muffled by the sound of your front door. Theoretically, you could've lied to him. But where could you say you were? It was all happening so fast.

You and Kylo weren't even thinking, you were just reacting.

Kylo quickly moved from behind you, jumping onto his feet and springing into action. He grabbed his shoes that were sitting on the floor in front of your bed, eyes wildly scanning your room to figure out where he needed to go.

"Closet." You hissed at him, pointing to the closet door.

Hux started knocking again.

"One second!" You called out to him, "I'm coming!" You assured him, trying to hide the panic in your voice.

"Not there, are you fucking kidding me?" Kylo shook his head at you. He was fully aware of how much bigger he was than the space in your closet, he would be so uncomfortable and he wasn't sure if he could sit still in a cramped space quietly enough to not give himself away.

You tried to think of another option. Your bathroom? It would be more comfortable for him but what if Hux asked to use it?

"Please." You pleaded, trying to hold yourself together even though you were so scared.

He glared at you. He knew that's what he had to do, it was his only option, but he felt so stupid, hiding away in his own girl's closet just so your boyfriend wouldn't find him. "Get him out of here quick." He said, barely a whisper he was so quiet.

You watched as Kylo silently opened your closet door and crouched inside, squeezing up against the wall, shoes in hand. If it was any other situation it might be funny to you. But then you saw the anxious, almost sad look in his eyes. And heard Hux yell out 'okay' to you and the humor was instantly lost. This was a matter of life or death, regardless of how dramatic that sounded.

You two shared one last, brief glance at each other before you shut the closet door quietly, hiding him. There was something in that look that you two had just shared, a wordless realization.

This could be it.

That moment, before the door was shut on him, could've been the last moment you two were together in the way you were growing familiar with.

If Hux found out that Kylo was here, it would change everything.

You tried not to think of it as you made your way to your front door, heart thumping out of your chest. You took one last scan of your apartment, trying to see if there were any pieces of evidence you forgot about.

Deeming it acceptable, you hesitantly opened your front door. "Hi." You greeted Hux, "Sorry, I was taking a nap." You explained to him. That was the truth, at least. You just hadn't been alone in doing so.

Hux said nothing, instead he walked into your apartment, pushing you slightly with his shoulder as he did so in order to move around you in the doorway. "We need to talk."

You felt like you were going to be sick. "Okay." You said to him, trying to sound casual, like alarms weren't going off in your mind that something bad was going to happen.

You watched the way that Hux went right for your bedroom and you cussed internally. It was the only room with a lamp on. You should've turned something on in the living room so that he'd just stay in there instead of instinctively going towards the only light source.

You flipped the light switch on in the living room, hoping to entice him in there instead, "I promise I'm not hiding in the dark. I just woke up." You explained, sort of repeating yourself. You were just so nervous, you couldn't even process what you were saying out loud, just blurting anything out to calm your nerves.

Hux ignored you, pacing around in front of your bed, thinking.

You hovered in the door frame, wishing he would join you in the main room. Shit, you'd even prefer if he joined you in the hallway, in the bathroom, anywhere that was far away from the closet Kylo was currently hiding away in.

Inside the small space, Kylo was sitting completely still. He was so irritated that you and Hux were currently in the same room as him but at the same time, he was glad that he was able to hear everything. If you needed his help, he would know it.

"What the fuck is going on?" Hux finally asked, stopping his movements so that he could stare at you.

You swallowed hard, "What do you mean? You asked, voice trembling.

He let out an exasperated sigh. "God dammit." Hux said your name frustratedly. "You know what I'm talking about. Your ability to play dumb is getting really old."

You said nothing to that, you couldn't, you weren't sure what to say. You had played dumb your entire relationship with Hux, pretending to be oblivious to the mob's crimes and pretending to be oblivious to his shallow feelings for you. It was something he never brought up to you until now, he was losing his patience.

"I thought we were on the same page." Hux continued, making his way over to you. You tried not to squirm too much, trying not to show how uneasy you were becoming with his close proximity.

"When I told you that you needed to help me take down Kylo Ren, you understood what I meant by that, right?" He asked you. Up close you were able to really look at him. His hair was longer than he normally wore it, slightly unkempt. He looked exhausted and his light amount of facial hair indicated that he hadn't even taken the time to shave that morning which was something he always did.

Hearing his name, Kylo's ears perked up, shifting his head closer to the door so that he could hear clearer.

"Of course." You said to him, trying to sound strong.

"Tell me." Hux urged you. His voice was calm but his eyes were frantic.

"Tell you what?" You asked him, voice breaking slightly in fear. Even if you hadn't been messing around with Kylo, even if you were actually on Hux's side, his demeanor right now would've made you anxious anyways.

"I need you to tell me what I'm expecting from you so I know you understand." He said, his voice was on edge, ready to snap.

"You're expecting me to help you..." You trailed off, inhaling at the way he was pressing you against the door frame, nervous. "To, um...To help you take him down." You felt so stupid.

"Yes and how do I want you to do that?" Hux asked, face heating up, jaw clenched. "I'm asking because it's becoming clear that you're confused. You're supposed to be on my side but all you've done so far is embarrass me and make things harder."

He grabbed one of your shoulders and you winced at the rough way he was grasping you, "You have to tell me what you're doing on your end to help me. Right now I'm not seeing anything at all."

Kylo's fists clenched at his sides, listening to the way that Hux was speaking to you. He hated it. Kylo was fully aware of the fact that he spoke to you in the same way and he had said worse before than Hux was, but it was different. You were his. 

You knew what he was looking for you to say and what exactly he wanted to talk to you about but knowing that Kylo could hear everything made you not want to. You were terrified that Kylo would hear this and he wouldn't understand. "You want him to trust me." You said in a quiet voice, hoping that maybe he would be able to hear from inside the closet.

Kylo froze at that. You hadn't mentioned that to him before. Hux told you to earn his trust? His mind started reeling.

"That's right. I want him to trust you. I want him to think you are on his side, not mine." Hux said, a part of him being satisfied by the power he thought he had over Kylo in this moment. "I know, that's what I'm doing." You said in a shaky voice, trying not to think about how Kylo might be reacting as he heard this. Although getting Kylo to trust you had been Hux's plan for you, it was something that happened naturally. Your relationship with Kylo had nothing to do with Hux.

"So when I see the two of you...staring at each other or-or laughing with each other...that's all part of the plan, right?" Hux asked, stumbling over his words, letting the memories flood back into his mind and piss him off all over again.

"It's all part of the plan." You agreed with him hesitantly, "Kylo means nothing to me." It was a matter of time before Hux confronted you about this, especially after the night the power went out in your apartment.

Kylo could barely hear the two of you, his heart was beating so loud in his ears. He wasn't sure what to believe. Were you lying to him or were you lying to Hux? He thought you were on his side throughout this but you had never mentioned before that you were told to earn his trust...Was your relationship with him fake just to benefit Hux?

"Because if I find out that there's something more..." Hux trailed off, unable to look at you, a disgusted expression on his face.

"You'll kill me?" You finished for him, accusingly, lip quivering in fear.

Hux locked eyes with you again and frowned deeply. He didn't answer you but in the back of his mind he knew it was true. If you were going behind his back with Kylo, lying to his face and embarrassing him, he would have to kill you.

"I wouldn't kill you." He said stiffly. He was lying and he was good at it.

Although he was a good liar, you didn't believe him.

"But it would hurt me to find out you're not being loyal to me." Hux added. He loosened his grip on your shoulder at the admission.

You stared up into his eyes and the realization hit you. The way Hux was talking to you was so familiar, it was the way he had always spoken to you. But for the first time you were really seeing it for what it was. He was manipulating you.

His words were so hollow and meaningless. His eyes were empty. You never realized it before now because you never had anything to compare it to. But after having so many serious talks with Kylo, who was so passionate, you could see the difference.

"There's nothing to find out. There's nothing between me and Kylo, I barely know him." You told him, trying to cover up the way that your thoughts were spinning. All you could imagine was Kylo hunched in your closet, hearing all of this. Your chest tightened at the way it had to be hurting him.

Hux narrowed his eyes at you. "Maybe on your end." He said to you and at your look of confusion, he continued, "The way Ren looks at you, the way he talks to you...there's something there. Don't pretend you don't see it."

"I don't." You lied, "I think he does that just to get under your skin and clearly, it's working-"

Hux's hands were gripping tightly onto your shoulders again, getting frustrated. "I need you to reassure me that you're still working for me, tell me there's nothing between you and him." He was practically begging you, his face was red.

"There's nothing going on between me and him." You repeated his words, staring up at him with nervous eyes. You could see that he wasn't buying it so you continued, "He trusts me because I wanted him to, I made sure that he does. If he has feelings for me, they aren't mutual, I'm with you."

It hurt you to even say those words, you couldn't imagine how it felt for Kylo to hear them.

Hux was breathing heavy, searching your face for any signs of dishonesty. You met his stare, trying to be confident. "Good." He decided, believing you. He might be a good liar but so were you.

There were a few moments of charged silence and you were terrified that Kylo might shift inside of the closet or cough or do something that would give you two away. But then Hux was pressing your back against the doorframe behind you and his lips were on yours and those thoughts were far from your worries.

You couldn't move, surprised by his actions, hands awkwardly at your sides while he continued to kiss you harshly.

"Why aren't you kissing me back?" He mumbled against your lips, his fingertips digging into you harder. It was clear from his voice that he wasn't kissing you necessarily because he was turned on, but he was kissing you because he was desperate for you to show him some affection, give him something that helped him believe your words.

"I'm sorry." You exhaled. You had to shut your eyes to calm yourself down. You were trying to think of an excuse, something that would get him to stop kissing you but that would give your true feelings away, it would go against everything you had just said to him.

"Don't be sorry, just do it. You're with me, aren't you? This shouldn't be a problem." Hux hissed, starting to doubt you. He kissed you again, his lips harsh and overzealous on yours and you tried not to show how uncomfortable that you were with this. Did Kylo know what was going on?

You had been so grateful that you hadn't been alone with Hux long enough lately for something like this to happen but there was nothing stopping him now. Your mind was only on Kylo hunched over in your closet, Hux's hands all over you felt electric in the worst way.

Hux pulled away from you just slightly and before you could really react, he had his hands on your waist, pulling you over to your bed with him. He pushed you on top of it and hastily climbed on top of you, pinning you down to the mattress.

"Do you know how long it's been since I've fucked you?" He asked in a quick low voice, his hands were under your shirt, attempting to lift it off of you. "I want it so fucking bad."

Kylo was weighing his options. Your words earlier had hurt his heart, hearing you talk about tricking him into trusting you. And now he had to listen to you and Hux have sex. He was about to blow his cover and just blow Hux's fucking brains out and end this once and for all.

"Hux..." You said nervously, trailing off. You were trying your best to come up with an excuse to get out of this but at the same time not give away your true feelings. There was no way in hell that you would be able to have sex with Hux with Kylo hearing everything from the closet.

"Hux?" He asked with a frown, "You never call me that." He said with disgust, you always called him 'Armie'. You had been acting like Kylo lately and now all of a sudden, you were talking like him too.

You let out a shaky breath, about to correct yourself but then Hux's phone in his pocket started ringing and you could've cried out tears of relief for the distraction.

He growled under his breath in frustration while taking his phone out of his pocket, keeping his hands pressed against your skin underneath your shirt. You noticed it was a burner phone against his ear and that meant it was something serious.

You shut your eyes as he spoke to someone on the phone in a hushed voice, you were trying to tune him out and plan ahead to how you would get him out there and get Kylo out of the damn closet.

"I have to go." Hux said to you suddenly with a loud sigh, tucking the phone back into his jacket pocket. "We still have unfinished business though, I won't forget." He said sternly. You weren't sure if he meant that this conversation wasn't over or if the business he wanted to take care of was him fucking you. But either way you wanted nothing to do with it.

You were frozen in place on your bed as you watched Hux move away from you and run a hand through his longer hair in an attempt to fix it. He paused to give you one last long look, a suspicious look in his eyes before turning on his heel to head to the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow, I want you to come by my house instead." Hux yelled out to you over his shoulder and you only let yourself relax when you heard him shut your front door behind him.

You shakily stood up from your bed, your feet dragging on the floor as you approached the closet. You felt like you were going to vomit. You couldn't help but have this guilty feeling, like you were in trouble.

When you opened the closet door, Kylo was instantly standing and moving out of the tiny space. He tossed his shoes on the ground that he had been holding and then his hand was around your neck, squeezing you there as he moved so that he could push you against the wall. Your back collided with it with a noise, causing you to wince in pain.

He felt like an idiot for letting himself trust you. "I should fucking kill you." Kylo growled, his face was red with anger, eyes feral as he stared down at you. "This was all part of the plan, wasn't it? You've been pretending this entire time with me so you could help Hux take me down." You couldn't respond, this was all happening too fast. "I should've fucking known!" He was yelling at you, loud enough that your ears stung at the volume of it.

"No!" You gasped, his grip was tight on your throat making it hard to think and to breathe, "Kylo-"

"Shut the fuck up!" He was screaming at you, teeth bared, his hair falling into his eyes. "I just had to sit there in that closet and listen to you so now you're going to listen to me. Got it?" His hand around your throat was moving as he spoke, causing your head to hit against the wall each time he enunciated.

"How much have you told Hux?" Kylo asked, his face was so close to yours you could feel specks of his saliva hitting your skin with his words. You opened your mouth to respond but you didn't have enough air to produce a noise.

He was stammering, so caught up in his own feelings that expressing himself was difficult, "Y-You're such a good fucking liar, somehow you convinced me that you actually give a shit about me." His voice broke, eye twitching, softening at the thought of it.

Your heart broke. You did give a shit about him, you cared about Kylo so much.

Kylo took a deep breath, thinking, and it somehow fueled his anger, "Do you know what happens to people who go against me?" He was yelling again now, asking you a rhetorical question. Clearly, you knew what happened, you'd witnessed it multiple times now.

He didn't even realize how tightly he was gripping your throat until he noticed the way that you were grasping at his hand, trying your best to push him off of you, eyes watering and wide.

Kylo stared into your eyes, squeezing tightly one last time before releasing his grip, causing you to gasp for air. If you were anyone else who he suspected was betraying him, he would've just held you until you couldn't breathe anymore. But it wasn't just anyone, it was you. And he couldn't do that. Even if the mob would want him to, he could never do it.

"I was telling him what he wanted to hear." You coughed out, putting a hand on your chest in hopes of steadying your breath. "Come on, Kylo. Fuck, you should know better, that was the whole point." You were frustrated and just as angry as him. Not necessarily angry at him, but at this entire situation and how you couldn't catch a break.

"I should know better?" Kylo asked, talking with his hands, "You think you're so special that you can leave out information like that and get away with it? What I should fucking know is exactly what Hux wanted from you." He was shaking, "He wanted me to trust you? That was the plan all along? Why didn't I know?" His eyes were wide, pleading with you wordlessly to take away all this doubt.

You understood where he was coming from but it hurt you to think that he thought you'd been faking it this whole time, you thought he knew you better than that. "I'm sorry that I left out that detail but it wasn't on purpose, Kylo. I'm new to this, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I know it doesn't seem like it but I'm trying my best here."

Kylo's hands were balled into fists as he listened to you, holding himself back from the aggression he wanted to take out on you.

"Think about everything we've been through, how vulnerable I've been with you, I couldn't fake that!" You said to him, exasperated, talking with your hands now in the same way that he had been, you were just like him.

"I can." Kylo's rebuttal came quickly. It was true, he could do anything for the mob, well, almost anything. "I could fake it, what's stopping you from doing the same?"

You were staring at him, trying to figure out if he was insinuating that he had been faking it the entire time or not. "I can't believe you're even questioning me." You said to him, moving and pushing past him in hopes to walk into your living room. The bedroom was suddenly so small and claustrophobic and making you even more panicked.

As your shoulder brushed against him, you let out a small shriek at the feeling of Kylos arms hastily wrapping around you and picking you up from the ground and turning so that you were facing away from the exit. "Who said you could walk away from me, hm?" He growled in your ear. "I'm not done with you." His voice was low because he was so close to you but it was still laced with anger.

You tried to push away from him, not liking how unsafe you felt in his arms when he was like this. But his grip just tightened around you, making sure to hold you in place even while you were squirming.

Kylo tossed you onto the bed like you were a doll, no regard to how uncomfortable the landing might've been. He was on top of you then, pinning you against the sheets like Hux had just been doing a moment ago. The thought made you sick and the look in Kylo's eyes made you nervous.

"Kylo, stop, you're scaring me." You said, reaching up in an attempt to push him off of you.

His hand went to your hair, gripping at it so that you were forced to look up at him, into his dark eyes. "Good you should be scared of me. You should be fucking terrified of me." Something about the fear in your eyes satisfied him. You constantly made him afraid of how soft he was becoming, it was validating for him to see that you were afraid of him too.

A part of him trusted you and knew that you weren't lying to him, that you were lying to Hux instead. But his entire career was built on figuring out who was a potential threat and right now alarms were going off in his mind. What if you changed your mind somewhere along the way and you were working against him now?

Not only was he thinking like a mob boss right now but as he looked into your eyes and felt his heart sink, he realized he was thinking like Ben too. He was horrified at the idea that someone he cared about so much could betray him. The part inside of him that was still Ben was scared you were going to break his heart.

Realizing this, he was mad again. He was so pissed at himself for putting his guard down and letting you have this power over him.

Kylo reached for his pocket and although you weren't able to move your head because of the way he was gripping you in place, you could see something glimmering under the room's dim lights. Metal. It was a knife.

"If Snoke was in the room with us, you know what he'd tell me to do?" Kylo asked you, his voice was shaking and you weren't able to detect if it was fear or anger.

You didn't answer him, you couldn't think, you were so scared.

"He'd tell me to fucking kill you." He hissed, grip tightening on the weapon in his hand, as if he were fighting internally over whether he should use it or not.

You let out a small whimper at the way he was pulling your hair, your heart thumping loudly. You knew Kylo cared about you but he turned into a different person when he was like this. You were looking up into his cognac colored eyes and you saw the humanity in them, it was hidden but it was there. He was scared as much as he was angry.

"Do it then." You challenged him, knowing that there was no way he could. "Just fucking kill me, Kylo, you talk about doing it all the time. What are you waiting for?"

Kylo growled, letting out a noise of frustration. He put the knife down to your throat and from the way he was shaking you could feel the blade pricking against your skin just slightly and you didn't dare move in fear that you would brush against it.

He thought about it. If he killed you, almost everything in his life would improve. Snoke would be so proud of him. He wouldn't have a single person to worry about. He would be more focused, more ruthless. He could go back to being the man he was before he met you.

But he wouldn't be happy.

Kylo's jaw clenched tightly as he realized this. He'd be lost without you. That suffocating feeling came over him, the same one he felt when he had been sitting next to you at the wedding, when he was dancing with you in the back room.

Kylo loved you.

He groaned and let go of the knife, folding in the blade and frustratedly tossing it away from him on the bed, as if he needed it physically far from him so that he didn't reach for it again and use it.

You saw the opportunity and you brought a knee up, making impact with the side of his stomach. He exhaled in pain and let go of his grip in your hair. You were able to slide out from under him and roll to the side of the bed, standing up from it.

Kylo was laying on his back now breathing heavily, hand pressed against his side where you had kneed him and staring up at the ceiling. "I can't do it." He told you, defeated, talking about killing you. He had killed so many people who were important to him. You were still so different, somehow.

You weren't sure what to say. Somehow, he always ended up doing this. He would threaten you and scare you and then all of a sudden, he was small and scared and you felt the need to take care of him. It was so toxic and unhealthy and you were drawn to it, for whatever reason.

"Kylo, I need you to trust me when I tell you that I'm on your side." You said to him. Your eyes stayed on the knife laying next to him on the bed, nervous that he would change his mind and find the strength to hurt you.

"I forgot to tell you that Hux wanted me to do that because I try my best not to think about him at all, I don't know. I'm so sorry." You said to him earnestly. You hated apologizing but you were sorry, you fucked up.

Kylo looked over at you, that same small, lost look in his eyes. "It goes against every single one of my instincts to trust you." He admitted.

You wanted to cry, you were so mad at yourself. You felt like you and Kylo were finally giving in and letting yourselves get close to each other. You were even about to tell him that you loved him...Did you just ruin that?

"You have to believe me." You begged him, desperate. You wished you could rewind the time to a few hours ago, when you were laying against his chest and he was reading softly in your ear, when things felt normal. That seemed so long ago.

Kylo's demeanor faltered for a moment. He almost stood up and wrapped you up in his arms and assured you that everything was going to be okay because of the way that you were looking at him. He wanted to tell you that he did trust you and you were in this together. But he was so scared.

There was a long moment of silence between the two of you while you were both lost in your own thoughts.

It was all so unfair. The two of you were finally realizing your feelings for each other and this had the potential to ruin all of that. You had to prove to Kylo how devoted you were to him...

Your eyes went to your nightstand, knowing exactly what was waiting for you inside.

Kylo's flash drive.

"You can trust me." You told him and his eyes met yours again in question. "I can prove it to you, let me prove it, Kylo."

Kylo propped himself up onto his elbows, looking at you, you had his attention.

Your eyes stayed locked on his as you moved to the drawer in your nightstand. You pulled it out and while keeping eye contact with him, your fingers searched in your drawer, stopping when you came in contact with the plastic material.

You held it out in your hand and Kylo's gaze snapped to it, his breathing hitching at the sight of it.

"You dropped this in my apartment. The night you apologized for hurting me...I hated you then and I didn't trust you but I still kept this to myself. No one knows I have it, it's been in my drawer the entire time." You said to him in a rushed voice. You were so scared. You knew this was a big risk, showing him. It could go either way. Either he was going to trust you or he was actually going to kill you.

Kylo said nothing as he thought it over. His mind was spinning, reeling at all of the implications behind this. He reached his hand out and took the flash drive from you, squeezing it tightly in his hand as if there was a possibility of him losing it again.

"Did you look at what was on it?" He asked in a far away voice, his stare still on his hand, unable to look at you.

"No." You answered instantly. "I put it in the drawer right away and haven't touched it since...I could've given it to Hux, to the cops, to fucking anyone...But I didn't, Kylo, I hid it away so that no one could use it against you." You explained, voice audibly trembling. "I should've just given it to you but I was so scared you would hurt me..."

He was overwhelmed. When he originally lost the drive, he had almost been relieved to not have the responsibility of owning it anymore, he never tried to find it. And now it was right here in front of him again and everything was so different from when he had it before. He didn't know what to do with it now. He wanted to destroy it.

Kylo looked back up at you again. "You have no idea what's on this?" He repeated, wanting you to say it again.

You shook your head, "I swear I don't."

He stared at you suspiciously. He couldn't detect any deceitfulness, you were looking at him so pleadingly and nervously, he could tell that you were telling the truth.

Kylo hesitantly placed it in his pocket, not wanting you to have the opportunity to potentially plug it in and take a look. "You could've betrayed me, but you didn't. You kept this to protect me." He commented slowly, trying to process it.

"Yes." You agreed, "If I were still working with Hux, he would have it, not me." You told him, trying to get him to fully understand. "I didn't want anyone to be able to have information they could use against you."

Kylo broke his gaze away from you, feeling himself start to get emotional over the realization. Even when you thought he didn't care about you, your loyalty to him didn't falter.

He had men working for him who were fiercely loyal but that's because they wanted the power or the money, it had nothing to do with Kylo himself. He never thought that he'd ever have someone devoted to him like that for any of the reasons that you were, you cared about him.

"Come here." Kylo muttered, his eyes still downcast as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "Please." He added.

You hesitated, trying to figure out if it was a trap or not. But his guard seemed down and he seemed just as vulnerable as you were. You moved closer to him and felt the way he reached out and pulled you against him.

He said nothing but instead he wrapped his arms tightly around you, pulling his face against your chest. You could feel the way that his shoulders were tense, as if he were flexing and protecting himself against something, maybe he was protecting himself from you.

You two stayed in that position for a while. Kylo was too nervous to pull away and have to face reality.

"You're my good girl." He finally mumbled against your chest, you could feel his lips moving against you as he did so. "You protected me."

You sighed in relief, glad that he was sounding like himself again. "I did." You agreed with him, your hands moving to his hair where you ran your fingers through it, soothing him. "Kylo, I know it's hard and I know you don't want to but you can trust me. I'm with you." You tugged on his hair just slightly to tell him you wanted him to look at you.

His chin tilted upwards, looking up at you with raised eyebrows and emotion in his eyes.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Kylo." You told him sincerely.

Kylo swallowed hard, letting out a shaky breath. Tears pricked his eyes and he wasn't even really sure why. He just wasn't sure if he'd ever had someone say that to him before.

"Do you believe me?" You asked him, your hands going to the sides of his face to keep him looking at you, you knew how much he wanted to look away and hide his feelings from you.

Kylo blinked away tears, exhaling in frustration when he felt them trail down his cheeks, exposing him. "I believe you." He answered you, lip trembling. "It's me and you...we're in it together." He said, heart speeding up at the awareness of this. "Right?" He asked, needing that validated.

"You and me." You agreed, wiping away at his tears, trying to get rid of them before he became too self conscious about them. You didn't like seeing him emotional but it did make you feel good that he was comfortable enough to be like this around you.

Kylo felt like he couldn't breathe, the feeling washing over him again.

Love.

He couldn't take the heaviness of this emotion so instead, to distract himself, he reached up and put a hand on the back of your head, pulling you down to kiss him and silence him.

You were thankful for the distraction, feeling just as overwhelmed as he was by what you were feeling. You kissed him back, noticing how his lips were quick and desperate against yours. Your fingers raked through his hair, pushing it away from his face as you kissed him deeply.

His hands went from your upper back to your waist to your hips, pulling you in so that you were as close as possible. You got the hint, moving your legs so that you were straddling his waist, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"I need you." Kylo whispered against your lips, "I fucking need to be inside of you, princess. It's the only time I don't think too much, it's the only time I feel okay." He was turned on by you, he almost always was, but he needed you so badly right now because he just needed to feel close to you. He was overwhelmed by this love he had for you but he had no idea how to tell you. He just wanted to show you, it was so much easier for him.

You moaned at those words, at the desperateness behind them. "I need it too, Kylo, I need you too." You said in between kisses, your chest pressed against his. You were just as uncomfortable with communicating these feelings as he was, you were more than happy to make love instead of saying it.

Kylo's kisses went from your lips to your chin to your neck, his fingers digging into your hips while he ran his tongue along your skin, down to your collarbone. "God, you're such a good fucking girl, aren't you?" He breathed out, "My good girl." His voice was a growl, nipping at the crook of your neck.

You let out a noise of pleasure, rocking your hips so that you were grinding against him, unable to help yourself. "Yes, Kylo, your good girl." Your fingers were tangled in his hair, keeping him in place with the way he was kissing your neck. "I'd do anything for you." You sighed and you meant it. You had already done so much just to protect him.

Kylo paused his movements on your throat when he heard this and then you felt him make a noise of pleasure before he pulled back and slammed his lips on yours, his large hand moving your shirt up, wanting it off of you. You'd do anything for him...He felt like his heart was going to explode.

You helped him, lifting your shirt over your head and tossing it on the ground next to the two of you.

Kylo bit his bottom lip as his hands went to your breasts. You weren't wearing a bra since you had been wearing pajamas earlier so you were exposed to him. "You're so beautiful." He sighed, his ringed fingers moving over your nipples.

Your head tilted your head back but kept your eyes on him, loving the way that he was staring so intently at the way his fingers were running over your hardened nipples, pinching you gently in the way that you loved.

"I want you inside me." You moaned, the movements of your hips were quicker against him, trying to get more. "Please, Kylo, I need you to fuck me."

Kylo growled under his breath, fingers pinching you again before his hands were on your waist and he was moving from the edge of the bed so that he was laying down and you were on top of him, straddling him still. "I'm gonna make you feel so good, don't fucking worry." He muttered.

You wasted no time in shimming out of your pajama shorts, pleased with the way that he was doing the same, unbuckling his belt and pants, pushing them off of his hips.

"Take those off too." Kylo motioned to your underwear while he took his off as well.

As you obeyed him, pulling your underwear off, Kylo began running his palm along his now bare erection, watching you. "I'm so proud of you, you were so loyal to me.... My princess protected me." He was fueling his arousal with his own words, thinking about it. "Let me show you how much it means to me."

You bit your lip at his words, trying not to grin too widely and cause him to grow hesitant at your eagerness. You knew he was feeling raw and nervous and you were going to be cautious so you didn't make him pull back.

"How do you want me to fuck you, pretty girl?" Kylo was touching himself, his eyes moving up and down your now naked body. "You want me on top? From behind? You tell me, you get to decide." His tone was rushed and needy. He did want to fuck you so badly but he also just needed to get out these feelings that he had for you, these feelings that were making his head hurt and tears form at the back of his eyes.

You stared at him, trying to figure out what exactly you did want. You didn't care, you just wanted him, wanted to feel close to him. You saw the look in his eyes, that anxious look, and you moved back on top of him. "Let me be on top." You requested, wanting to take care of him just as much as he wanted to take care of you.

He faltered for a moment, not expecting that but it was a welcome surprise. He grabbed for your hands, pulling you down so that you were closer to him and he was able to tilt his head up and kiss you. "You wanna make daddy proud again, hm? Wanna show him how good you ride him?" He was breathing heavy underneath you, hips jolting at the way you began grinding your ass against his erection.

You moaned and nodded, tongue running along his full bottom lip. "Yes, daddy." You answered, squeezing his hands that were so much bigger than yours. "I wanna ride you, l wanna make you feel good, I'd do anything for you." You repeated your words from earlier and it caused Kylo to make a strained noise of pleasure, his chest clenching at that.

"Show me." He begged, "Prove it to me."

You didn't need to be asked again. You moved so that you were able to hover over him slightly, running your hand along his hardened length. You took the head of his cock and rubbed it along your entrance, making sure you were wet enough (and of course you were), before you slowly lowered yourself on top of him.

The two of you moaned out at the same time, the tone of your noises matching with each other. You didn't move right away, trying to let yourself become adjusted to how big he was but when you felt your muscles start to relax, you reached forward, grabbing for his hands again.

Kylo held your hands securely, letting you put your weight onto them and use the leverage to carefully start moving up and down on top of him.

"Oh fuck." Kylo moaned, watching the way that his entire cock was buried inside of your body. "You feel perfect, you're so fucking perfect." He could barely speak, he was so distracted by you and how you looked and felt and how he was feeling about you.

You exhaled with a moan at his words, staring into his eyes as you continued to form a rhythm on top of him, taking him all the way. "I think your cock was made for me, Kylo, you fill me all the way up." You were whimpering, the pain of how big he was mixed with the pleasure of the way he was hitting against your sensitive walls was overwhelming.

"I am made for you." Kylo agreed, "I'm meant to be with you." He said, faltering slightly at the seriousness of that admission. He was so scared he was going to let those three little words slip. He wasn't ready for it. He wanted to do and say anything but 'I love you', he wanted you to understand without having to say it.

You nodded quickly, "You are." You squeezed his hands. "I don't know what I was doing without you." You said honestly, stopping your motions on top of him, just for a moment at that realization. What had you been doing before he moved back here? Just existing. You were alive now, all because of him.

Suddenly you were overcome with emotions, tears forming in your eyes as you rode him. How long would you have just been a hollow shell if you would've never met Kylo?

He noticed the wetness in your eyes and it caused his tears to form quicker as well, understanding that the same thoughts were running through your mind that were running through his. He felt so close to you right now and he was struck with the realization that you were the only person he'd ever felt this close to.

"I'm never going to hurt you, Kylo, you can trust me." You assured him, the tears falling from your eyes now at the honesty you were showing him. There had been moments in the past where you thought you could hurt him. You saw him as a cocky criminal, someone you'd never be able to trust. But now you knew so much more, you were in love with this man, you never wanted to upset him.

Kylo let out a strangled sob as he heard this, his hands were holding yours so tightly. "I do trust you." He blinked quickly, "I don't think I've ever trusted someone before." He admitted, his voice was so small and serious.

That statement made you unable to breathe, suddenly nervous by the amount of power you had over him. You pulled at his hands, wanting him closer to you, "Come here." You requested. It took a little bit of maneuvering between the two of you but soon he was in a seated position and you were straddling his waist, he was inside of you still.

His hand went to your hip, helping you move in a rocking motion against him, while the other hand went to the back of your head, pulling your face in so that your foreheads were almost touching. You gripped his wide shoulders tightly, giving yourself something to push off of each time you lowered yourself on top of him.

The two of you were silent and the only sounds that could be heard were you two sniffling and crying and moaning and the sounds of your bodies moving with each other.

"You do so much for me." Kylo whispered, his lips brushing against yours because of how close the two of you were to each other. "I'm so grateful for you, I'm so glad I found you." He was admitting more right now than he ever usually did. He felt brave being inside of you and seeing you be so open for him too.

You cried harder at that, knowing how difficult it was for him to say these things out loud. It made you realize how much he really did trust you, how much he was willing to do to make sure you knew he appreciated you.

Kylo held your hip tighter, moving you up and down on his cock at a quicker pace, helping you ride him in a way that was getting him closer to the edge. "I'm gonna cum inside of you, princess, I want you to know that you're mine, I want you to feel it." He was talking nonsensically, just a stream of consciousness as he was becoming sloppier with his movements, signalling he was getting close.

"Please." You begged him, fingernails digging into his skin while you let him move you on top of him at a faster speed, "I want you to cum for me." You kissed him then, tasting your tears mixed with his on his lips, "I'm yours, Kylo, I'm with you."

Kylo's chest heaved at that, somehow holding you even tighter against him. He said your name in a whine, jaw clenching. He hated how quickly he was finishing, his plan had been to make you feel good and take his time with you. But then his emotions were too much, he couldn't hold back, this was the only way he could express himself to you.

"I'm gonna cum, baby." He told you in a shaky voice, "I'm gonna fucking cum." He repeated, his eyebrows knitting together in concentration, making sure that you were riding him exactly the way that he needed.

You were about to encourage him, wanting him to finish but before you could, you felt him tense up underneath you and you felt the familiar warmness spread inside of you. He was holding you so close to him, saying your name over and over again as his orgasm washed over him. You could feel his tears against your face, his forehead tightly against yours. You let him steady himself, catching his breath.

Now that he came, Kylo's mind was clearer and he was suddenly embarrassed by all of the emotions he had just displayed to you. He pulled away from you, keeping his eyes away from yours as he helped you move off of him. You laid on the bed next to him, your breathing just as ragged as his was, the same shame washing over you.

There was a long time of silence as the two of you stared up at the ceiling, laying on your backs next to each other.

Finally, you decided to break the silence.

"Will you tell me what was on the flash drive?" You asked in a far off voice.

Kylo thought about it. "No." He decided.

You were silent again.

"Why not?" You asked, glancing over at him.

Kylo's eyes were still on the ceiling, arms crossed behind his head. "You'll leave me if you knew."

Your stomach twisted. Your mind went into a million different directions, trying to come up with what you think might be on it. "It's that bad?" You asked nervously.

He wasn't sure how to answer that, it wasn't that simple. "It's bad for me." He explained vaguely. "I don't want to talk about it." He added.

You took the hint. You didn't want to push him too far. You felt out of place now that he wasn't fucking you. He seemed so cold and closed off again. He was about a foot away from you on your mattress but he felt miles away.

After laying there for a while longer, you sat up with a sigh and felt Kylo's hand reach for your arm so that you couldn't go anywhere, "I want to take a shower." You told him, looking over your shoulder at him.

Kylo's eyes were vulnerable. "Okay." He said, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing against your skin with the hand that he was holding you with. "Make it quick though, alright?"

You raised an eyebrow in question.

"It's your turn," He explained, "I want to make you feel good princess." Kylo explained and it dawned on you then that he came while you didn't which was different than normal, he usually always made sure you reached your orgasm before he did.

"Oh." You grinned in surprise, skin heating up at the thought of it, that wasn't what you were expecting.

Kylo let a smirk form on his face at your reaction. No matter how much he got to know you, he was always so pleased with the way he could get you to react to him.

"Why don't you just join me then?" You offered, your smirk matching his now.

The two of you shared a look of excitement, the coldness washing away from Kylo's demeanor. 

Everything felt normal again.


	28. The Decision

The night before had been emotionally exhausting.

All you wanted to do was lay in bed with Kylo and maybe watch a movie and most definitely have sex with him.

But instead, you were sitting on the edge of his bed, legs dangling, as you watched him pack belongings into a duffel bag.

A few hours ago while you two were sleeping in his bed, early in the morning, Kylo got a call from Snoke who told him that he needed to meet with a business partner a few hours away. He'd be gone until tomorrow morning.

"What about your phone charger? Do you have one packed?" You asked, eyes glancing at his nightstand to see if it was still plugged in.

"Yes." Kylo said, putting some clothes into a garment bag, zipping it up.

You hopped off from the bed, "Pajamas?" You asked, glancing into his open bag, trying to see if he grabbed some already. "You might want to bring a sweatshirt...Like if the hotel room is cold or something."

"Stop it, you're getting all worked up." He warned you, sighing, "I can handle this. This isn't the first time I've left the city. I think I know how to pack a bag." He said with an amused smirk.

You frowned, looking up at him. He was able to sense your nerves and he bent down, kissing you gently. "What's wrong?" He asked you, a thumb brushing against your cheek.

You looked away from him, nervous under his concentrated stare. "I just worry about you...whenever you leave." You admitted, "The other night you were gone for what? Only three hours? And you came back with a stab wound." You said, motioning towards his side where he had been injured during that wedding.

Kylo huffed out a laugh at that, he couldn't argue with that statement. When you didn't join in his laughter, he inhaled then suddenly he was picking you up causing you to finally let out a laugh in surprise.

He moved back to his bed, taking a seat on the edge where you had just been, and set you onto his lap. Kylo's arms went around your waist, pulling you in closer to him. "I know it isn't easy." His voice was smooth, calming you down, "But I can't promise you anything. I can't promise that I'll be okay." He kissed the top of your head.

Your fingers ran along his hands that were against you to hold you in place. "I don't expect you to, I know this is how it has to be." You told him, your tone was sad.

Kylo said nothing, thinking about it. His thumbs rubbed in a soothing motion. Finally then, he spoke, realizing, "Before I met you, I was never scared to go on these deals."

You blinked, "You're scared right now?"

He didn't answer at first, wondering himself if that was actually what he was feeling. "Not...scared." He decided. "But I'm nervous" He admitted, he couldn't look at you, looking ahead instead.

You were surprised he was sharing this with you, letting himself admit to being vulnerable. "Why?" You asked, you wanted to hear more.

Kylo's jaw moved, clenched, frustrated that he didn't really know how to explain it. "For the first time I finally have something to come back home to." He said in a soft voice, squeezing at you as he did so. "I'm nervous..." He trailed off, "I'm nervous that I won't have that anymore." Is how he worded it, not even wanting to say out loud that he was nervous he could get killed.

You felt like your heart was going to explode. You had so much power over Kylo and it always took you by surprise to hear it from him. You reached a hand up to touch his cheek and when he turned so he could look over at you, you kissed him.

Kylo sighed in relief against your lips, glad that you were offering a distraction. When you parted slightly from him, you gave him a small smile. "I'll be here when you get back." You assured him, "I'll even wait in bed for you if that's what you want." You added suggestively.

"I think I'd like that." Kylo said, smirking, imagining it. Then he glanced at the watch on his wrist, the one that cost more than most people's rent, and sighed. "I need to get going soon. You're distracting me." He said. He pressed another kiss to the top of your head before helping you move off from his lap.

Once you were standing, Kylo stood up as well and walked over to his dresser. Of course, you followed him. He gave you a look, reminding you that you were a distraction, but didn't tell you to back off, he wanted you close to him.

"Make yourself useful, princess, hold that open for me." He instructed you, motioning towards his large black duffel bag.

You did as he said and watched how he pulled out a key and unlocked a few drawers in front of him. You tried to be casual as he started putting things like guns, silencers, and different stacks of cash into the bag in your hands, right over things like his sweat pants and socks. 

"Okay, that should do it." Kylo mumbled, more to himself, as he locked everything up again. You shut the bag and set it down carefully, scared to be too rough with it after you saw what was inside it.

Kylo then opened another drawer, one without a lock, and he started taking out and putting on his rings that you loved so much. You moved over so that you were able to peer inside, curious to see what other kinds of jewelry he had in there.

"Which one?" Kylo asked you, fingers brushing against the chains he had laid out inside, wanting you to pick one out for him.

You thought about it then pointed to one, small gold links, "I like this one." You couldn't help but let the memories flash into your head of him on top of you, that same exact chain dangling down and swinging against you with each thrust. He was so beautiful.

Kylo grabbed for the chain and skillfully put it on, clasping it behind his neck, taking your advice on which to wear.

"I've never seen this one before." You commented, fingers running over a particular chain, your eyes still scanning over all of his jewelry. He had so much in there, all of it looked so expensive.

"I'm not sure if I've ever worn it. I don't like the way it looks on me." He shrugged, glancing over to see which one you were referring to, putting on a spray of cologne.

You took it out from the drawer, looking it over in your hand. It was more delicate than the ones he usually wore, not exactly his style, the gold was thin and roped.

Kylo looked over at you and hummed in thought. He moved behind you and reached his arm over your shoulder, taking the chain from your hands. Then, he placed it around your neck and closed the clasp, putting it on you.

The two of you looked at your reflection, at the way the jewelry looked on you. He made a sound of approval and couldn't help but lean his head down, kissing you where the necklace laid against your collarbone.

"It looks much better on you." Kylo murmured against your skin, "What do you think?" He asked, his hands on your waist, keeping eye contact with you in the mirror.

You ran your fingers over it, staring at your reflection. It did look good. And it made you almost weak in the knees at the thought of wearing something that belonged to him. "I like it." You answered him, biting your lip while trying not to grin.

"Keep it. It's yours." Kylo whispered, kissing below your ear before pulling away and really taking in the way you looked in it. He felt that same weakness to see it around your neck, a piece of him. His phone alerted him in his pocket and he frowned, checking his watch. It was his reminder to leave soon.

You barely even noticed, you were buzzing with the happiness of him giving you the chain. It was such a simple gesture, he was just giving it to you because he had no use for it himself, but somehow it meant more to you than all of Hux's gifts in the past combined.

"I really have to leave soon. You distracted me again." He muttered but he had a smile on his lips. He pulled away from you and zipped his bag up, slinging it over his shoulder.

"Are you sure you have everything?" You asked, your eyes scanning his room. You usually weren't like this but the thought of Kylo being hours away and possibly in danger made you feel helpless, you were trying to give yourself something else to focus on, something that you could actually control.

"Yes, I'm sure." Kylo sighed. He took your hand and pulled you in close to him. "You have class today, right?" He asked you, his hand was massaging yours gently, absentmindedly.

You nodded, bringing your free hand up to your mouth to bite your nail with anxiety. "I'm supposed to go to Hux's afterwards...What if he asks me more questions that I don't want to answer? What if I fuck up?"

Kylo took your hand and moved it away from your mouth, interlocking his fingers with yours so you couldn't even think about doing it again. "He will ask you questions." He agreed with you then, "But you're so smart, you'll figure it out, you always do."

You squeezed his hands at the thought of being alone with Hux. You just wanted Kylo to stay here and help you. "Okay. I hope so." You said with a deep breath, trying to convince yourself.

His eyes glanced at his watch again and his frown deepened at how close he was cutting this. "You can handle it." He told you and you could tell that he meant it. You wished you believed in yourself as much as he did. "Vicrul and Ushar are gonna be around, okay?" He let you know.

He needed a few Knights to go out of town with him but he knew you were most comfortable with Vicrul and Ushar so he asked them to stay behind and keep an eye on you.

"Okay." You told him, your mind was in a million different places.

"Look at me." Kylo told you softly and when you hesitated, he let go of a hand so that he was able to tilt your chin up. Staring into his eyes calms you down, it reminded you the reason you were doing all of this in the first place: for him.

"You can do this." Kylo said sincerely, his fingers still under your chin. "I trust you." He added, swallowing hard at the admission. He had said it to you before in the past but it had been so casual, after what happened last night, he really meant it now. He trusted you to do this for him.

You knew you had to suck it up and handle this, there was no way you could let yourself disappoint Kylo. "You're right. I can do it." You told him, trying to sound confident, wanting to reassure him.

Kylo stared at you for a moment. He wasn't convinced that you actually believed in yourself but he didn't have time to press it. "Good girl." He praised you, happy that you were at least trying. He kissed you, sighing against your lips, he didn't want to leave.

When he pulled away, you noticed the way that he was on edge. "Okay, get out of here, I don't want to make you late." You told him, moving your chin away from his hand.

As much as he'd like to stay in his apartment with you, he had a private jet waiting for him. Kylo grabbed the garment bag of his dress clothes from his closet and started making his way to the door, knowing you'd follow behind him to say goodbye one last time.

He was right about that, you were right behind him as he headed towards the main room. When he got to the door, he paused, hands running along his pockets. He pulled out a key from one, he had clearly separated it from his others on his keyring on purpose. "You can lock up behind me. I know you like my view of the city better than yours. Stay here for a while and enjoy it." He told you, placing the key to his apartment in your hand.

"Really?" You asked, looking it over. He trusted you enough to have this?

"Sure." His voice made it seem like it was no big deal but his eyes were telling you a different story, this was huge for him. You'd been alone in his apartment before but giving you a key was a big sign of trust, that wasn't lost on you.

You stared at the key in your hand like it was a million dollars. It meant so much to you.

Your attention was pulled away from the object to Kylo's lips as he kissed you, his free hand on the back of your head to hold you in place against him.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He murmured against your lips, having to gather strength just to say that out loud, he didn't want to go.

"Don't come home bloody this time, okay?" You said to him, smirking slightly, trying to lighten the mood just a little.

"No promises." Kylo smirked back but then it faltered slightly at the realization that he really couldn't promise that, as much as he would like to.

You two stared at each other for a moment as his hand hesitated on the door knob.

He couldn't help himself, ducking down and giving you one last kiss. "Be good, okay?" He said to you.

"I always am, aren't I?" You asked, a sarcastic grin on your face.

Kylo paused, laughing out loud at that. "No, you're a brat." He answered, then softened, "Tomorrow, okay? I'll see you then." He repeated his words, assuring himself as much as he was assuring you.

You nodded and gave him an encouraging smile, "Tomorrow."

For the rest of the morning, you did as Kylo suggested. You drank some coffee and sat in one of his chairs by his large floor to ceiling window, watching the city below you. Your view in your apartment was decent, you always thought it was the best until you saw Kylo's. It was similar to how you felt about your relationship with Hux. It was fine until Kylo showed you how much better it could be.

You eventually had to go back to your apartment to get ready for the day and it felt so weird to lock Kylo's door behind you. Like it belonged to you too now somehow.

You had the same strange feeling as you finished your makeup and you caught a glimpse of the chain around your neck. There were so many parts of Kylo and his life that were taking over yours. And for once, you didn't mind at all. 

Class had been uneventful besides the fact that you got your exam back from the other day and just as you suspected, you completely bombed it. Kylo was right, you did have to start trying harder.

Although your grade had been disappointing, you actually had been grateful that Vicrul didn't drive you on his motorcycle this time, it had drawn so much attention before. Instead, him and Ushar dropped you off in his car. You felt like a little kid getting out of the backseat while the other students on campus turned to look at you. It didn't help that Ushar rolled down his window and yelled, 'Have a good day at school, sweetheart!', embarrassing you as you walked into your academic building.

During class, you sent a text to Vicrul and let him know that Hux's driver would be picking you up from class and if they were going to follow you, they needed to be sneaky about it. He was sweet, sending you a text back that let you know that he had it covered, no need to worry.

Also, during class, Kylo had sent you a text. It said: "Just landed. Call me if you need me". He had even put a 'crown emoji' in after the text message, his way of calling you princess, you were sure. You couldn't stop grinning as you read it over and over again. He didn't even know what emojis were called but he used one because he knew you liked them. You tried to imagine him scrolling through all the options and ultimately decided on the crown. It was adorable, which was a strange word to describe him as. 

Getting into the back of Hux's driver's car was the last thing that you wanted to do. Well, maybe actually being with Hux was the last thing you wanted to do, but close enough.

You only had to knock once at his front door before he opened it, standing there with an expression you weren't able to read. "Hi." You said to him suspiciously. You were nervous to walk in and you were hesitating in the doorway.

"Hi." He said, forcing a smile. When you made no moves to walk inside, he shifted so that there was a clear path for you, signalling you to step in.

You took the hint, trying not to look as uncomfortable as you felt as you walked past him and into his house. "Are you okay?" You asked him, watching the way his hand was shaking as he locked the door behind you.

"What?" Hux asked, distracted, then processed what you had just said, "Oh, yeah, I'm okay." He responded quickly. "Are you okay?" He asked you.

"Um, yes?" You were confused, why wouldn't you be okay? You realized Hux didn't realize he even asked you that, he seemed so preoccupied with something else in his mind.

You began walking out of the entrance hallway and into his living room while he kept up right behind you. When you walked into the living room, you froze at what you saw.

"Honey, we have-" He was beginning to explain it to you but before he could, he realized that you already saw. "Company." He finished his statement with a sigh.

This "company" was Snoke.

With two troopers, like usual, the three of them casually sitting on Hux's couch. As if you were all just a group of friends catching up with each other.

You went to turn around and get the hell out of there but when you tried, you ran right into Hux's chest, he was blocking you from leaving without even trying to do so.

You heard a deep, dark chuckle come from Snoke. "Leaving so soon? Where are you running off to?"

When you were back to facing him again, knowing it was useless to try and push past Hux, Snoke continued, "Come here, sit with us." He said in a sinister way. You looked over at Hux, showing him your fear, and he offered you nothing in return, a blank stare. You weren't going to be able to get any help from him.

Hux put a hand on your back, guiding you to sit on the smaller couch across from the three intimidating men who were staring at you like you were their prey, and in a way you were.

"You always look so afraid of me." Snoke smirked, narrowing his eyes at you. His hand was at his chin in thought, fingers running over his grey facial hair.

" I can't imagine why." You found yourself sarcastically replying without even thinking about it. God, why were you like this? Your thoughts went to the phone in your purse, wondering if you could nonchalantly text Vic or Ushar and tell them you were in trouble. But you were too nervous, what if Snoke figured out what you were up to?

Hux tensed up next to you, afraid that your comment was going to get you, and maybe him as well, in trouble.

There was silence but then a slow grin broke out onto Snoke's face before he started laughing, a dark and menacing laugh. "Perhaps you should be afraid of me." He said and his words made you shiver, thinking back to how Kylo had said something similar to you the night before.

"There's no reason to be scared right now, though." Hux chimed in, though his voice wasn't fully convinced, you could tell.

You looked over at him, wishing you trusted him to protect you but you weren't so sure, you didn't feel safe with him.

"Armitage, why don't you let us talk alone for a few minutes?" Snoke asked Hux though his eyes were on you the entire time, devouring you.

Hux hesitated for a moment, looking between the two of you before he ultimately obeyed, giving you an apologetic look before leaving the room. You heard him go outside, the backdoor shutting behind him.

"Are you here to kill me?" You asked Snoke the moment you were alone with him, not in the right frame of mind to keep up the polite front you usually had around someone as powerful as him.

Snoke's slimy demeanor didn't change the entire time since you had first walked in the door. " I've decided." He said vaguely, his fingers tapping against the glass of liquor in his hands.

"What?" You asked him, confused, unsure of what he was referencing.

"Remember our conversation in the back of my car?" He asked you. "I've made a decision on who I want you to be loyal to. Hux or Ren."

You felt like you were going to be sick. Was Kylo in danger? You wondered where he was, what he was doing, if he had any idea on what was going on.

"I want your loyalty to lie with Hux." He told you, voicing your fears. "Would you like to know why?" He asked you and you could barely think, you didn't respond to him because you were too preoccupied trying to figure out what this would mean for you and Kylo. You had been nervous before but now you were terrified.

Seeing your expression somehow pleased Snoke, to see you just stressed as you had been inadvertently making him lately. "Hux and Ren have hated each other for years, a long time before you showed up. But their hatred fueled them to be better, it made them tougher and made them better members of this organization." He leaned in closer to you, "Now, it's strange, because Hux is stronger than ever but Ren...He's becoming weak...Because of you."

You already knew this. Hux was barely around now, all of his time was taken up by mob duties that he never took on before and he was shitter to you now, cocky. At the same time, Kylo was so soft for you without evening realizing it. You were ruining Snoke's top man.

"I've had a fun time watching this play out but it's time for me to intervene. You're going to have to make a big move for me to restore the order I had before." Snoke took a sip from the liquor in his hands casually, as if he weren't ruining your life, "I need you to give me Kylo Ren back."

You shook your head, you didn't understand. "Are you going to kill me?" You asked him again, you assumed that's where this conversation was going. Your eyes darted towards your purse that you had placed on the ground next to you. Your phone was inside and so was the gun that Kylo insisted you carry around now.

"No." Snoke answered you and your eyes went back to him now, surprised. "Not if you do what I'm asking of you...You aren't useless to me yet."

You didn't say anything, giving him the chance to explain himself. Something told you that whatever it was, it might be just as bad as him killing you.

"As weak as you're making Kylo, the competition against him is making Hux stronger and it's been very beneficial for me...You're going to need to stay with Hux to keep him at this level but I need you to do something to push Ren away." Snoke explained to you, understanding by now that you were smart enough to comprehend all of this.

"When he comes back inside, Hux is going to propose to you. He's going to ask you to marry him and you are going to say yes." Snoke told you.

Your jaw dropped, this was like a bad dream. It seemed so ridiculous and extreme but yet the look on the man's face across from you indicated that this wasn't a joke. You were going to have to marry Hux...You couldn't breathe.

"D-do I have a choice?" You asked, stumbling over your words, trying to catch your breath.

"You always have a choice." Snoke smirked and taking his words as a command, the two troopers sitting on either side of him lifted their guns in your direction, making it clear what the choices were: do what Snoke wants or get killed.

"Oh my god." You mumbled to yourself, your head in your hands as your chest rose and fell quickly. You were going to have to agree to this. When Kylo came back home, the two of you would figure this out together, you tried to assure yourself. Maybe he would decide that he could kill Hux now instead of later and all of this could be over...You were trying to tell yourself anything to calm down.

"Do you really think this will keep Kylo away?" You asked him,watching the men lower their guns. You and Kylo started your relationship in secret, what would be the difference now that you were engaged? A fake engagement at that, you would tell Kylo that Snoke forced you to do it, he wouldn't give a shit.

Snoke was silent and it looked like he was thinking it over for a second. Then he glanced over at the troopers on either side of them and the three of them broke out into laughter, mocking you.

You stared at him blankly. You didn't mean to tell a joke.

Snoke grinned at you, amused, "Do you really think Kylo Ren would want someone with the last name 'Hux'?" He asked, eyes dancing. "It doesn't matter if the engagement means nothing to you, it will mean a lot to him... He can claim you now but with that ring on your finger...you'll belong to Hux to everyone else. He won't want anything to do with you."

A part of you knew this wasn't true but it still hurt to hear and due to all the panic you were feeling, you began questioning his words. Maybe it was true. Even if you took the ring off around him, how would Kylo be able to kiss you when he knows that his enemy is your fiance? If it were the other way around, if he had to be engaged to someone else even if it was meaningless, the pain of that might be too much for you to deal with.

"You might think you know him," Snoke continued, "But I made Ren into who he is today...I know him better than anyone. Being engaged to Hux will make him hate you, even if he doesn't want to, even if he fights it... No matter what you tell him, he'll feel like he lost against Hux and he's going to blame you for it."

You hoped that wasn't true. You tried to tell yourself that you were the one who knew Kylo better than anyone, he had just cried in your arms the night before, even. But then you thought about all of the things you didn't know. What was on that damn flash drive, most of his childhood, what happened during those times when he'd come home bloody and injured, even what he was doing right now...

You might know the soft, vulnerable side of Kylo. But you really didn't know much about the mob boss side of Kylo. Or even the side of Kylo that existed when you weren't around him, who he was before you met him.

You quickly wiped at your eyes, brushing the tears of surprise away.

If Kylo didn't want you after this...You weren't sure what you'd do.

"Aw." Snoke taunted, pretending to feel bad for you, "Don't cry. You're about to marry a rich and powerful man who can give you everything you ask for, that's all you wanted, isn't it?" He asked you, "And, really when you think about it, you did this to yourself." He added.

You looked at him with questioning eyes.

"The moment you killed one of my troopers, that time a year ago, you chose your fate." Snoke's amused demeanor was suddenly gone, a serious look on his face. He was terrifying.

"You might've convinced Hux to save you then but I've never forgotten. No matter what happens, with him or with Ren, at the end of the day...I own you. I own everything." He leaned closer, elbows on his knees, "You're alive because I allow you to be."

You felt like you had just been punched in the stomach. Kylo had said those exact words to you before.

It dawned on you then, how much of Kylo's power came from imitating and mirroring what he thought he should be doing as a mob boss...All of the times you scared him or he felt like you were threatening him, he would just repeat the things he heard Snoke say before to make you afraid of him as well...You weren't sure who Kylo truly even was.

"So..." Snoke couldn't help the villainous smirk on his face, "Should I call your future husband back inside?" He asked you, he was so excited to see you so upset, it was disgusting.

You didn't answer, you couldn't answer even if you tried to. God, you just wanted to talk to Kylo and ask what you were supposed to do. You were so scared now that he wouldn't want to be with you now or he wouldn't be able to fix this.

Although you didn't answer him, Snoke still told one of the troopers to go grab Hux from outside and bring him in.

Snoke's eyes were on you the entire time he waited for Hux to come back, flashing between you and your purse, assuming that you were going to try something stupid soon.

He was right. You hadn't stopped thinking about the gun so close to you and your phone that would alert the two Knights outside waiting to come in and rescue you since you sat down on the couch. But it was too risky.

Soon, Hux returned. He looked as nervous as you felt.

He gave you a strained smile, taking a seat next to you on the couch. You weren't sure how much he knew, if he was even aware of the plan that Snoke had just told you about.

Then, you watched the way that Snoke gave Hux a nod and the way that Hux reached into his pocket, pulling out a little box, ring sized, and it was clear to you then. This was planned.

Hux wanted you to come to his house specifically because he had this plotted out with Snoke. It was the reason he stopped by your apartment the day before, to make sure he wanted to actually go through with this.

Everything else was like a blur to you: Hux pulling out the ring, trying to convince you that he loved you and he was sorry that this wasn't the most romantic situation and that he'd make it up to you later. Him putting it on your finger.. Him kissing you and Snoke watching, thrilled that everything was going according to plan. Snoke congratulating you before he left the two of you alone...You could barely process it.

You felt like this was a nightmare.

Now somehow, Hux was on top of you in his bed, shirtless and sweaty. He was kissing you forcefully and trying to make you want him more. This all felt so empty and wrong.

Your eyes were on the ceiling, "Hux, stop." You muttered out. You felt like you were just waking up, fully processing what just took place.

"What?" He asked against your lips, his hands greedily trailing up the sides of your shirt.

You swallowed hard, pushing at his shoulders as you checked back into reality. You couldn't even really remember how you got on the bed with him, you had been in such a shocked haze. "I feel sick." You lied, though you did feel your stomach turn.

Hux pulled away from you at the mention of that. He was always so grossed out by everything, vomiting was definitely included in that. He rolled off of you, motioning towards his bathroom, telling you to go there.

You didn't waste any time moving from his bed and rushing to the bathroom where you swiftly shut the door behind you and locked it. You turned the water faucet on, hoping it would cover up the way that you weren't actually puking.

Instead, you leaned against the sink and tried to calm yourself down from hyperventilating too much. You couldn't look at your hand, the way that the stone was gleaming in the light coming from the ceiling, the diamond was big and flashy and everything you'd expect from someone like Hux.

Then, you were reminded of the chain around your neck, Kylo's. It was ironic that you were wearing jewelry from both men in your life, both made you feel completely opposite from each other. 

After convincing Hux that you had just puked in his bathroom and after you pretended that you were trying not to do it again all over his floor, he quickly sent you back to your apartment with his driver. You lied and said you had been feeling sick for days and seeing Snoke unexpectedly had just pushed you over the edge. He wanted nothing to do with it.

When you finally got back to your apartment, you weren't surprised to hear a knock on your door.

Opening it, just as you suspected, Vicrul and Ushar were standing in your doorway to check on you and upon seeing the expression on your face, they were quickly inside your apartment, concerned.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Vicrul asked, looking you over. You had clearly been crying and there was a far off look in your eyes, you were shocked and exhausted at the same time.

"It's bad." You replied, slowly sitting back down on your couch and taking a deep shaky breath in.

"You're pregnant." Ushar said, guessing. Vicrul pushed his shoulder, sending him a look.

Normally you would've rolled your eyes but instead you felt tears fill them instead. You hesitated, nervous to even tell them, then you slowly raised your hand up, showing them the ring.

The two men inhaled audibly, seeing it.

"Holy shit." Ushar said, grabbing your hand so that he could get a better look at it, as if he were just imagining it.

"Yeah. Holy shit." You agreed, your hand trembling in his.

Vicrul took a seat next to you, getting in close to the ring as well, trying to convince himself that he was seeing this correctly. "Hux proposed?" He asked, wanting to make sure he understood.

"Kind of?" You said, confused about what had really just happened.

Ushar was going towards your kitchen now and started gathering up liquor that you had and a glass for you. He wasn't good with words but he was good with being intoxicated. In his mind, if this would help you, it would help him at least. He was trying his best. 

"Snoke was there." You explained and ignored the way Ushar almost dropped a bottle of vodka in his hand when he heard that. "He told me that I had to say yes to Hux or he'd kill me...He wants me to stop making Kylo so soft...He thinks me being engaged to Hux will do that..."

"Fuck." Vicrul sighed, his eyes still trained on the ring. He was almost as shocked as you had been. The Knights were both thinking the same thing, what was Kylo going to do when he found out?

Ushar handed you a glass filled with vodka and you drank it in one gulp, wincing at the taste of it. "What am I supposed to do?" You asked them and then at the realization that you actually had no idea what you were going to do, you felt yourself start to break down again.

"Fuck, serously, what am I supposed to do?" You repeated, putting your face in your hands, elbows on your knees. You were just imagining Kylo by himself wherever he was and how he was going to have to come home to you with Hux's ring on your finger. At the thought you quickly took the ring off and set it on the table, not wanting it touching you.

Vicrul and Ushar shared a nervous look at each other, unsure of what to say to help you.

Vicrul put a hand on your back and rubbed you gently, trying to calm you down. "Kylo will take care of it, I'm sure." He said but he didn't sound too confident. He didn't want to tell you something turned out to not be true.

You lifted your head and saw the way Ushar was drinking directly out of the bottle of vodka in his hands and you ignored it, too preoccupied to say anything.

"You should call him." Ushar suggested, shuddering at the taste of liquor he just drank. "If he knows you waited to tell him, it'll piss him off more."

You sighed, sitting back up, "I don't want to call him, I'm scared." You admitted. You had no idea how he was going to react. Even if he didn't get upset with you, he was still going to be upset and you didn't want that at all.

Ushar plopped down onto the couch next to you and handed you the bottle. You shook your head, handing it back to him. As much as you wanted to get drunk enough to forget everything, you couldn't handle the taste right now, you already felt so nauseous.

"You can call him while we're in the room?" Vicrul suggested, trying to think of ways that the two of them could make it easier on you. "Unless you'd rather be alone."

You weren't sure. You looked between the two men on either side of you and you realized you felt better when they were around. "Stay." You told them, "Please." You then added in a softer tone. Even though Kylo let you technically own them, you still didn't have the heart to order them around in the way that he could.

Vicrul continued his hand's movement on your back and you felt Ushar place a gentle hand on your knee in reassurance. Most people would be freaking out to have two attractive, violent men touching them while they were alone with them on their couch. But at this point, this was just another day for you. And you had bigger things on your mind.

You grabbed for your phone and unlocked it, going to Kylo's unsaved number in your phone and hovering over it for a moment, thinking about how you would even explain this to him.

"You can do it." Vicrul told you, offering you a gentle smile.

You frowned, unsure, not confident.

"Come on, don't be a pussy." Ushar added.

And that statement was what caused you to press Kylo's number, sending Ushar a challenging glance as you did so. You needed some tough love, apparently.

As the phone rang, you nervously bit your lip, running over potential things you could say to him.

"Hey you." You heard Kylo's deep voice answer on the other line, "Perfect timing, I just got back to my hotel." He told you. You tried to imagine how he looked. Was he in his suit already? Or was he still in his casual clothes that he left in? Your brain was so caught up in picturing it and with everything else that you had to tell him, that you didn't respond to him.

"You there?" He asked you, "Are you okay?" Kylo added quickly, now nervous that you were calling him because you needed him, not just because you wanted to talk.

"Oh, yeah, I'm here." You said, snapping out of it. You couldn't answer if you were okay, you really weren't.

"What's going on?" Kylo asked. You, obviously, weren't able to see him. But in his hotel room, he was taking a seat on the edge of his bed, phone up to his ear. He was in his suit now, like you'd been wondering. The deal was over, it was a quick one, just exchanging a few things. He was supposed to go to dinner with them soon but for now, the hardest part of his day was over.

"I, um...I went to Hux's today, you know." You started, taking a deep breath. You could feel the men on either side of you tense up, knowing that they were going to have to listen to all of this.

"Yes?" Kylo asked slowly, starting to get nervous as well at the mention of it, "What happened? Did you fuck him?" He asked, assuming that was the worst thing that you could've done. He trusted you not to give any harmful information, you were too smart to do that, but he knew it was getting harder to deny Hux sex while keeping up the act of conituing to be in a relationship with him.

"No." You said quickly, trying not to imagine the way that it almost happened. "It's uh..it's worse...I think?"

Kylo exhaled loudly, running a hand over his face. "What did you do?" He asked and the disappointment in his tone made you feel even worse than you already did.

You almost just hung up the phone but Vicrul gently patted your back, urging you to continue. So you did.

You told Kylo everything. All of the things that Snoke said to you, what you said to him,

the way you pretended to be sick to get away from Hux... You tried to ignore the way that the men on either side of you were shifting in their seats as they realized how messed up the entire thing had really been as they listened as well.

When you were finished, there was silence on his end. "Kylo?" You asked cautiously.

Still, nothing. You could hear him breathing.

"Kylo, I'm sorry if I did something wrong, it just all happened so fast and I-" Your rambling was cut off by the sound of crashing. Glass breaking, maybe.

Kylo had just picked up some random decoration in the hotel and thrown it against the wall. He was overwhelmed with how he felt and he didn't know how to express it. He was pissed off, jealous, nervous, and really, he felt helpless. The proposal itself upset him but mostly he was angry that you had been in a dangerous situation and he was hours away.

"I should've fucking known." He growled, "Snoke set me up. He sent me away so he could pull this shit." Kylo kicked the side of the bed he was standing next to and you could even hear the way the headboard hit against the wall after he did so.

You knew better than to interrupt him when he was like this, he needed to just get his anger out.

"I should've never let you go over there while I was away." Kylo was seething, eyes wildly searching the room for something else to destroy. He felt so worthless in this small hotel room miles away from you. He remembered thinking how simple and annoying the deal had been. Snoke could've sent a lower ranked member to get it done. But the deal hadn't even been important, the whole point was just to get him away from you.

"I'm okay, Kylo, it's just something we'll have to figure out." You tried to assure him, noticing the way that his anger was slowly being replaced by frustration.

"No, it's something I'll have to figure out." Kylo corrected you, "You're just going to do what I fucking tell you, got it?" He snapped at you, as he began pacing around his room, thinking.

"But-" You were interrupted,

"But nothing." Kylo said quickly and you heard some more rustling, probably something else breaking. "I'll talk to you later." He said and you heard the silence that indicated he hung up on you.

You shakily put your phone back down on the table, next to your ring. He wasn't even letting you help him and the worst part was, you weren't even sure what his words had meant. Maybe Snoke was right...this would be the thing that would make Kylo stop wanting you.

"So..." Ushar said awkwardly, "How did it go?" He asked. The two of them hadn't really been able to hear what Kylo was saying to you, just the fact that he had been angry.

You didn't respond to him, instead you took the liquor back from his hands and took a long drink of it before handing it back. "Will you two still be my friends if Kylo ends it with me?" You asked nervously, not looking at either of them.

"He won't end it." Vicrul said to you, but he wasn't even sure if that was the truth. He just wanted to make you feel better.

"But if he does?" You asked, wanting an answer to calm you down.

"Of course we will." Vicrul told you with a frown. He wasn't sure if anyone had ever really referred to him as a friend before. He had partners like Ushar, people who he worked for like Kylo but a friend? That was different. You might be the only one.

"I think you'd have to beg us to leave you alone before we stopped bothering you." Ushar told you with a smirk. The Knights really did like you, maybe it was because you were the only friend for all of them.

"Thanks." You sighed, actually being calmed down by that idea. Even if Kylo didn't want to be with you anymore, you'd always have that connection to him through the Knights.

For the rest of the night, Ushar and Vicrul still had the task of babysitting you and so the three of you decided to enjoy the time you had together, at least as much as you could enjoy it with everything on your mind.

You three ordered a pizza and watched shitty horror movies and drank just a little too much. You were thankful that they were there because you were able to go lengths of time before your mind wandered to Kylo. If you were alone, you would've been consumed by the thought of him

And now as you laid in bed, in the dark and in silence, all you could think of was Kylo.

As much as you tried, you just couldn't sleep. You tossed and turned every time that you almost drifted off...you thought back to what had happened earlier that day and you remembered the ring that was sitting on your coffee table.

Your mind kept echoing with Kylo's disappointed voice and the sounds of him throwing things around in his hotel room. You wished you had been with him to calm him down, maybe he wouldn't be so upset right now if you had just been with him in person.

You knew what would make you feel better.

You shuffled out to your living room, making your way over to the couch that Vicrul was fast asleep on, cautiously. Ushar had left a little bit ago, he was useless once he fell asleep anyways.

You didn't want to startle him. "Vic." You whispered, biting your nail. You repeated his name, this time a little louder.

This got his attention and his eyes fluttered open, "What's wrong?" He instantly asked, slowly propping himself up on his elbows as he woke up.

"Nothing, I'm sorry." You said in a hushed tone, feeling guilty that you were doing this. But it would be worse if he woke up and saw you gone, he'd really panic then. "I've just been laying in bed for awhile now... I can't sleep and Kylo's bed is so much more comfortable..." You trailed off, this idea had seemed so good at the time but now you were embarrassed to admit it out loud.

"You wanna sleep at Kylo's?" Vicrul asked, blinking to wake himself up.

You frowned, feeling stupid for wanting it and feeling bad that you were making Vicrul wake up and walk down the hall with you. "Forget it. Just go back to sleep." You told him, turning to go back to your room.

You heard Vicrul yawn before he told you, "No, let's go."

Soon, the two of you were in Kylo's dark and quiet apartment. Vicrul went straight to the couch, ready to go right back to bed. You tried not to think about the fact that it was the same couch that you and him shared a very intimate moment with his gun, previously.

"Feel better?" Vicrul asked, getting comfortable with the blanket and pillow he brought from your apartment.

"Yeah." You answered honestly, standing in the bedroom doorway. Just being in Kylo's apartment put you more at ease, for whatever reason.

"His couch is a lot more comfortable." He muttered to himself. "Goodnight." Vicrul was able to say to you before he started drifting off to sleep again. You wished it was that easy for you right now.

"Goodnight." You told him, staring at him for a moment before walking into Kylo's bedroom and shutting the door behind you.

You made your way into his room and opened his curtains. You always slept with them open, it was something that Kylo hated even though he woke up before you. He always complained that it was too bright in the morning. But you loved falling asleep looking at the lights of the city, it was comforting to you.

Settling onto his bed, you took a deep breath as your head hit the pillow. His sheets smelled like him and it made your heart hurt. You couldn't help but wonder if this would be the last time you stayed in this bed, the worst part was he wasn't even here with you for it.

Although the sick feeling was still in the pit of your stomach, you did start to feel sleepier now that you were in a place that somehow felt a lot more like home. You realized the reason his apartment felt more familiar than yours was because it was connected to him. This was the first night you spent away from him in a while and you were craving him, his presence next to you in bed. This was the closest you'd be able to get.

You shut your eyes and tried to imagine him in bed next to you. You also tried to imagine him not upset with what happened earlier that day. If he were here and in a good mood, he'd have his arms wrapped around you, probably with your back against his chest, spooning you. He'd whisper 'goodnight' in your ear and kiss you before you fell asleep...

You sighed at the thought but it did bring you comfort in a way... you could pretend it was really happening, even just for a few minutes..

Your phone rang from where you placed it on the mattress next to you and as you strained to stare at the screen in the dark, your breathing hitched when you saw it was Kylo's number calling you.

You silenced the ringer quickly, not wanting to wake Vicrul up but it took you a few seconds to actually answer the call. You were nervous.

"Hello?" You asked in a quiet voice, rolling over onto your side so that you could stare out of his large windows, wanting to calm down.

You could hear Kylo breathing on the other line and then, "Did I wake you up?" His voice was slightly hoarse and you couldn't help but notice the way his speech was slightly slurred.

"No." You answered him, then, "Are you okay? Are you drunk?" You asked. It was late and he didn't sound like himself. You weren't sure what his mood would be like after his tantrum earlier, you were on edge.

"Kind of." Kylo said, answering both of your questions without really meaning to. "I just got back to the hotel." He added.

You glanced over at the time, almost three in the morning. You were more nervous now, wondering what he had been up to. He was so upset when you ended the call with him earlier, you hoped he didn't do anything stupid.

"Oh, okay." You said, not sure how to respond. You wanted to know everything, where he had been and what he had been doing, if everything went well. But you held yourself back from asking, you didn't want to push him too hard now that he was finally calm.

"I..." Kylo started but you could tell he was hesitating with whatever he wanted to say. "I just wanted to say..." He stopped again then you heard him take a deep breath, "I'm sorry." He finally admitted, voice quieter than normal.

You were surprised. He hated apologizing, it was the last thing you had been expecting. "Sorry?" You repeated, making sure you heard him correctly.

"Don't." Kylo said quickly, meaning 'don't make it a big deal' or 'don't make me say it again'. "I was just thinking...All of this is my fault." You heard some clinking in the background and knew that he was probably pouring himself another drink to have a talk like this.

You were silent, urging him to continue.

"If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be in this situation with Hux or Snoke or anyone else that you have to lie to." You heard the way that he was probably settling onto his bed, relaxing. "Today was hard for you...It was all because of me."

You sat up in bed, resting your back against his headboard, you two were in the same position without even realizing it. He had been so upset on the phone earlier, this was the last thing you would've thought he'd say to you. "Don't apologize." You told him, "I appreciate it but I'm fully aware that there will be more days like today...I'm okay with that as long as I know you're with me."

Kylo's heart pounded, your devotion always surprised him in the best way. "I'm with you." He assured you, "I know Snoke wanted this to push me away from you and I'm upset that I let him win earlier. I've told you before, it doesn't matter who you call your boyfriend or who everyone else thinks you're with...You're my girl...There's nothing anyone can do to stop it. I'm yours and you're mine, and a ring on your finger isn't going to change that."

You settled back into the bed, inhaling his scent while you took in his words.

"I don't tell you very often," Kylo continued and you heard him take a sip from the drink he had just poured himself. "But I appreciate you, everything you do for me."

You felt butterflies in your stomach, you weren't even sure how to respond to that because you were so pleasantly surprised by it.

"You do such a good job at handling things on your own, sometimes I forget to tell you that I'm proud of you." Kylo was currently on his hotel bed in his dress shirt and pants, tie loosely hanging around his neck, kicking his designer shoes off of his feet as he talked to you.

"Proud? You're proud that you were only gone for a few hours and I got engaged to someone else?" You asked him, smirking slightly at the idea of it.

Kylo couldn't help but chuckle in response, always relieved at your ability to break the tension, "No, that's not what I mean...I'm proud that you went over there in the first place and you did what you needed to do to make sure that you were safe. I'm not sure you would've been able to do that on your own before." He mused, "You should be proud of yourself too."

You hummed in thought. It was true, when Kylo first moved back you would've fainted to be in the same room as Snoke, especially when he was threatening you in the way that he had. But now it was just something you had to do, an errand even. You had grown so much in your time you knew Kylo.

You weren't used to Kylo being this direct and affectionate with his communication. You had a feeling some of it could be traced back to the alcohol he drank but it didn't matter to you, it was exactly what you needed right now after beating yourself up all day.

"I missed you today." You told him softly, testing just how affectionate he was willing to be right now. "I miss you right now." You added.

You heard Kylo take a deep breath and another drink from the glass in his hands. You were nervous that you shared too much but then, "I haven't stopped thinking about you." He admitted in a low voice. "I went out to dinner and to a bar afterwards, it was so loud and crowded...All I could think about was you."

You were quiet, letting those words run through your mind. You tried to imagine him in a packed bar. There were probably gorgeous women all over him, people giving him free drinks and maybe drugs, men wanting to meet him and say that they drank with a mob boss to their friends the next day, you knew he had everyone's attention...And the entire time you were on his mind.

"I'm so much better when you're by my side." Kylo added and you sensed a hint of hesitation in his voice, as if he were nervous to even say this. "I never thought someone else would make me more confident or capable but...I realized it tonight... Everything's easier when you're here with me."

You felt like your heart stopped, you were shocked that this was the same man who had, no doubt, destroyed his hotel room earlier on the phone with you, the same man who probably killed multiple people since leaving his apartment this morning.

"I wish you were here." You told him, running your fingers over his side of the bed where he would normally be sleeping. "Actually," You chuckled at the realization that he had no idea, "I'm in your bed right now."

"My bed?" He asked and you could hear how much that pleased him. "You bad girl." He teased you. You could hear the relaxation in his voice. He was so much more used to talking to you like this than in the sincere way he previously had been.

"Yeah." You smirked, "It's been so long since I've slept without you...I couldn't fall asleep in my room." You told him, hands bunching up the sheets below you, grasping for him.

"I bet you look perfect right now." Kylo sighed, imagining it. The way you snuck over in the dark in your pajamas, just wanting to be closer to him. He loved it.

"I was thinking the same thing about you." You admitted as you pictured it.

There were a few moments of silence between the two of you, you were both coming to grips with how much you wanted to be with each other, the aching you felt. It had barely even been a day but after the emotions you two went through while apart, it felt like so much longer.

"Tomorrow morning," Kylo started, breaking the silence, "I want you waiting for me in my bed when I come home." He told you, giving himself something to look forward to.

"Okay." You agreed, biting your lip as you glanced at the bedroom door, wishing he were walking through it right now.

"And I want you wearing nothing but my chain around your neck. Got it?" Kylo asked, hand ghosting over his growing erection in his dress pants at the thought of it. "You're gonna be my good girl and I'm going to remind you who you belong to."

You couldn't help but moan out loud at the thought of it and the way his sleepy tipsy voice sounded giving you those directions. "Yes, daddy." You agreed breathlessly.

You heard Kylo let out a strained, "Fuck." under his breath at that.

"You better get some rest, princess, you're going to need it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, hi. Okay, so here is your reminder to: trust the process. I have had every chapter of this fic planned out before I began writing it so please believe me when I say that everything is happening for a reason. I know it might be frustrating right now but stick with me, it will make sense in the end. Thanks for the continued support <3


	29. Reminder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo is gonna consensually degrade you and do some drugs in this chapter. Just saying

This morning was the first time you had ever woken up in Kylo's bed alone. You hoped it would be the last. It felt so big and empty without him there.

You spent the beginning of your morning eating breakfast with Vicrul, both of you enjoying the view from Kylo's apartment.

"I told you he wasn't going to leave you." Vicrul said to you, taking a bite of food you made for the two of you from Kylo's fridge. You told Vicrul about the conversation you had with Kylo the night before, how he called you before you fell asleep. It felt good to be able to share things like this with someone, even if it was one of his Knights, you always felt so isolated before. You didn't tell Vicrul specifics, Kylo would be so embarrassed if you did, but you just let him know that Kylo wasn't upset with you.

"I never know with him. Sometimes I think I have him all figured out and I know how he's gonna react and then..." You frowned, "I realize I don't really know him at all." You said sadly, suddenly not having an appetite at the thought of it.

Vicrul sent you a look that said, 'really?'.

You shrugged at his look, sticking by what you said.

Vicrul nodded slowly then, realizing. "You're letting Snoke get to you." He said accusingly. "That's exactly what he wants, he wants you and Kylo to start questioning each other." He said, pointing his fork in your direction as he spoke.

You thought about it and rolled your eyes. He was right but you didn't want to admit it. "I'm not, this bothered me before Snoke did this." You told him, staring down at your cup of coffee.

You two were quiet for a few passing moments.

"You know him better than anyone." Vicrul finally said, "Even if Snoke wants you to think otherwise."

You looked over at him and were surprised by how serious he was being. "What makes you say that?"

He leaned back, staring out of the window as he thought about it. "We've never seen him like this...He's so different when he's with you. That's gotta mean something, right?" He didn't want to say too much, if you repeated this to Kylo he didn't want to get in trouble.

"What do you mean by different?" You asked, prompting him to say more. You knew what he meant for the most part. Kylo was so soft for you, but it still felt reassuring to hear someone else say it.

Vicrul chuckled, knowing that you were just trying to get him to say it out loud to you. He didn't blame you. "Well, I don't know, he treats you like an actual human being for starters?" He took another bite of food. "Even when he's with someone he respects, he's always just trying to get the upper hand. You're the only person he ever actually talks to."

You bit back a grin at that. It was something you actually had never thought about before. If Kylo wasn't with you, what did he even have to say to other people? All you ever witnessed him talk about was money or power or a mixture of the two.

When he was alone with you, you two talked about places you've been, the things that scared you, the things that made you laugh...You suddenly felt your stomach twist, wondering how lonely Kylo's life must've been before you showed up in it. You supposed you could say that same about yourself.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of your phone 'ding'ing next to you. You glanced at it and saw Kylo's number. "Speak of the devil." You mumbled which caused Vicrul to laugh out loud.

"That's an understatement." He joked, smirking about that.

You opened the text and saw that it was Kylo letting you know that he landed and would be home in about an hour, he needed to take care of a few things first before he got back to the apartment.

You remembered his instructions for you. Kylo wanted you waiting on his bed for him, naked besides his chain around your neck, when he got home. After what happened the day before, the last thing you wanted to do was disappoint him.

"Uh, Vic, I'm having a wonderful time here but you can head out soon." You said, quickly finishing your coffee at the thought of it. "Like, right now, actually." You corrected yourself.

He frowned, furrowing his eyebrows. "Why? Is Kylo here?"

You shook your head, standing up to take both of your plates to the sink to clean them up. "Not yet. But I need to get ready and I want to be alone when he gets here."

"Hey, I wasn't done with that." Vicrul complained, standing up quickly so that he could reach over your shoulder and grab what was left of his piece of toast. "He'd want me to stay until he was here. The whole point is to make sure you aren't alone."

"He's on his way." You told him over your shoulder, putting the leftover food in the trash before putting the cleared plates in the sink.

"Then I'll wait with you until he gets here." Vicrul said, getting frustrated with you.

"Look," You turned around to face him, just as frustrated as he was, "I want Kylo to fuck me right when he gets home and if you're here sitting in the living room and you're the first thing that he sees when he walks in, it's gonna ruin the moment, okay?" You admitted.

Vicrul blinked a few times before starting to crack up, understanding now. "You could've just said that." He said, rolling his eyes. "I can wait in the hall right before he shows up or something."

You sighed, realizing that he was right. You were just more nervous than usual to see him because of what happened while he was away. "Sorry." You mumbled, running a hand over your face.

"Hey, it's okay." Vicrul frowned, pulling your hand away from your face so that you were forced to look at him. He held your wrist in his hand. "Kylo might be grumpy for a while but nothing's gonna change. If anything, he's just going to be more protective over you. If you let it get it to you, it's just gonna make it worse on him."

Your eyebrows raised. It wasn't that you thought Vicrul was stupid...Well, maybe just a little...But you were surprised at how insightful he was being this morning. You wondered if he ever had the chance to think or talk like this outside of your conversations with him.

"Thanks, Vic." You said to him sincerely and seeing that you were calm he let go off your wrist so that he could gently pat your shoulder.

"As much as I would love to join, I'll back off so I don't interrupt anything." He told you with a smirk. You shrugged his hand off your shoulder at that but you also had a smirk on your face. 

You then went to your own apartment, Vicrul joining you, so that you could get ready for Kylo. You realized that you were trying hard to make sure you were doing everything right. It was like you two were going on a first date or something, not him just coming home to fuck you.

You did your hair and make up in the way you knew he liked, he always gave you extra compliments when you did it like this. And you put on the perfume that you watched him make a face of approval at when he was going through your drawers during a time when he'd been bored while watching you get ready.

You still had his chain around your neck so you were following those instructions but getting naked was a different story. You kept your pajamas on from the night before, knowing you would just take them off when you were in Kylo's room. You knew one thing for a fact: you were leaving that damn engagement ring behind.

Vicrul had made a few smart ass comments as the two of you walked down the hall to Kylo's, your favorite being: "If he needs an extra set of hands, tell him to give me a call".

You had a feeling that today Kylo wanted you all to himself.

Soon, you were alone in Kylo's apartment, sitting on the edge of his bed, naked. You kept checking your phone, seeing how quickly time was passing and to check to see if he had given you any updates.

You tapped your fingers against the sheets underneath you, eyes scanning around his room, restless. You stopped your gaze at his nightstand, seeing a small remote and you smirked slightly. Getting up to close his dark curtains, killing all of the light, you grabbed the remote and turned his lights on: red.

You looked over at the chair in the corner of his room, debating whether or not you wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine and wait for him in that chair with the dark red glow of the room on you like he's done for you before. But you knew better than to disobey him and he specifically wanted you on his bed.

By the time that you settled back onto his mattress, you heard rustling from the living room and the sound of his door opening and closing. You hated the way your heart sped up, Kylo would always make you nervous, no matter how close you were getting to him.

After letting Vicrul go home, Kylo was so thankful to finally be back at his apartment. This morning was so long and he needed to see you. He was amused that you kicked Vicrul out of there like he was a dog, keeping him standing outside of the front door. Kylo was even more amused when he walked inside and saw the red glow coming from his room. His little mob boss.

You heard the sounds of Kylo's shoes against his floor and when he walked into his bedroom, you inhaled at the sight of him, it never got old. He was in dark jeans and a black long sleeved shirt, his usual jewelry on with multiple bags in his hands.

Kylo paused in the doorway, tensing at the way you looked waiting for him, absolutely perfect. "Hi, princess." He said to you in his deep voice, jaw clenching as his eyes went up and down your naked body.

"Hi." You replied, practically batting your eyelashes at him. You moved closer to the edge of the bed, wanting to get off of it so that you could reach Kylo and touch him.

Kylo tsk'ed you, holding a hand out to stop you, not moving from his spot in the door, "I didn't tell you to move, did I?" He asked you sternly.

You almost pouted at the lack of contact but then he started walking towards you, his eyes never leaving you and your body as he did so, gaze darkening with each step. "Did you miss me?" He asked you. He reached out and ran his fingers along his chain on your neck and you shivered at the feeling of his touch against your skin.

"I did." You said to him, staring up at him with wide eyes, hanging on his every word and touch against you.

Kylo hummed under his breath, bending down so that he was closer to you. "I was gone for less than twenty four hours and you got yourself into so much trouble, didn't you?" He asked you, fingers looping under the chain.

You frowned and nodded your head, biting your lip.

Kylo suddenly tugged on the chain, grabbing at it behind your neck so that he was choking you with it. "What am I going to do with you, hm?" He growled, pleased by the way you gasped out loud. "You didn't forget about daddy, did you?"

You quickly shook your head, surprised by how much he was able to actually choke you with just the chain on your neck, the thin rope cutting into your skin.

"Tell me then, whose girl are you? I want to hear it." Kylo's face was close to yours, talking to you in a low voice.

"I'm daddy's girl." You said, coughing at the effort it took to do so.

Kylo groaned at the way it sounded but didn't release his grip on the jewelry. Instead, he smashed his lips against yours and you eagerly met his kisses, tongue clashing with his while you did so.

You two kissed for a few moments, demonstrating how much you exactly did miss each other during the short time that you were apart. The only thing that snapped Kylo back into the present moment was when you let out a small moan.

He pulled away, breathing heavy. "I brought home some gifts." He let go of the chain, causing you to take a long inhale, not even realizing how shallow your breath had been before he did so.

You blinked, trying to catch your breath and piece together what had just said to you. Kylo moved away from you and the bed and went to the bags he had previously set on the ground. He left town with one duffel bag but now he had two and he picked one of them up and dropped it in front of you on the bed.

"For me?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Some of it." He told you.

You furrowed your eyebrows, confused by what he meant. You glanced up and he was looking at you expectantly. You took the hint and unzipped the bag, peering at what was inside. It was hard to tell just by sight so you reached inside.

Coming in contact with a box, you pulled it out. Black with a red bow elegantly tied around it. You smirked up at Kylo, having a feeling what this might be. His arms were crossed against his chest and he was staring down at you. He still had the same serious, stern facade on but his eyes were lit up, happy to see you happy.

You pulled the ribbon and took the lid off. As you could've guessed, inside was some lingerie. When you pulled it out, your eyebrows rose at how much you liked it. It was one piece, black lace, with various straps in flattering spots. It was sexy and you could tell that it must've cost a lot of money.

"Do you like it?" Kylo asked, though he could tell by your reaction that you did.

He had an hour or so to kill the day before while he waited to go on his meeting and he wandered around a high end shopping center. He could've gone anywhere but of course he went straight to a classy lingerie store, thinking of you. Although he had pretended not to notice at the time, all the women who were shopping in there had gone crazy over him, jealous of whoever the woman was that he was picking things out for.

"I love it." You told him honestly, looking at it admiringly.

"There's a few more things, under the tissue paper. But I wanted to see that one on you today." Kylo moved towards you and took it gently from your hands. He motioned you to come to him with his fingers and you listened, getting off of the bed.

He held the material bunched up slightly in his hands and got on a knee, holding it up so that you could step in it, dressing you. Once you did, he slowly pulled it over your thighs, up your body until he reached the point where he pulled the thin straps over your shoulders. His eyes were concentrated as he made some adjustments, moving a few of the straps in the correct place.

Your heart fluttered at how careful he was being, making sure you were wearing it correctly. He moved back so that he could look you up and down, jaw tensing as he saw the way you looked in it, so much better than he could even imagine.

He stood back up, eyes still on your body and grabbed your hand. He moved you so that you were able to look in his mirror, moving behind you so that he could look at your reflection as well.

"Look at how fucking gorgeous you are." Kylo breathed out, staring at you. He bent down and placed kisses on your neck, his hands digging into your waist. You were having a hard time staring at anything but him but you managed to look over the way the lingerie looked on you and honestly? You did look gorgeous.

"You know how hard it makes me to know that you're mine?" He asked you as his hands ran from your waist down to your hips. Once he was grabbing your hips, he pulled you against him and you were able to feel how hard he was which caused you to sigh happily.

One of Kylo's hands ran down to your ass where he squeezed you there before slapping your exposed skin. You jumped in surprise but had a grin on your face. "You wanna see what else daddy brought home?" He asked you softly in your ear.

You looked up at him and nodded, standing on your toes so that you could kiss him before hesitantly pulling away and moving over to the bed. You sat back down on it and grabbed at the box you had just opened. Inside, like Kylo mentioned, there were a few more pieces of lingerie. All just as gorgeous.

"Thank you, Kylo, I love them." You told him sincerely. Gifts from him weren't important to you like they had been when Hux gave them to you. But what you appreciated was that he had been thinking about you while he was gone and took the time to pick things out.

He didn't respond to your gratitude, feeling uncomfortable with the sincerity in this moment.

"Here, let me see." Kylo muttered, grabbing the bag and pulling it towards him, looking for something else. He pulled out a small black drawstring bag, the material looked like velvet or something else luxurious. He handed it to you and stepped back, wanting to take in your reaction.

You were suspicious but opened up the bag, reaching inside. When you pulled out it's contents, it took a few moments for you to piece together what it was and then when it did, you stared up at Kylo questioningly.

It was a black, leather collar. With a metal chain leash attached.

Kylo bent over, becoming eye level with you, grabbing the chain on your neck but not choking you with it, just holding you in place. "I think you need a reminder that I own you. It doesn't matter how many hours of the day you're forced to wear that engagement ring, you're mine. Do you understand?" His voice was low and even, his eyes never breaking contact with yours.

You swallowed hard. You were reminded of how angry he'd been on the phone when he first found out about Hux and how scared you'd been. You assumed he got most of that anger out but now that you had a fucking collar and leash in your hands, you realized that there was still some unfinished business there, he still had some tension to get out.

Kylo's ego had taken a big hit when he heard about what Snoke had Hux do. He trusted you enough at this point that he knew this proposal wouldn't change anything between the two of you. But the idea of everyone around you thinking that you were going to marry another man, even if it wouldn't ultimately happen, made him feel inadequate. He needed you to boost his confidence, he needed to feel like the man again. Kylo needed you to reassure him.

Kylo stared down at you over his nose with a serious expression. "I said," He drawled, his hand moving from the chain to wrap around your neck, "Do you understand, princess?"

You nodded quickly, biting back a moan at the way he was speaking to you. As much as it hurt you to disappoint him, when it was in this context, it made your head swim. "I understand." You said in a shaky voice.

Kylo didn't respond at first, continuing to glare down at you with his jaw clenched, as if he were questioning if you were lying or not. "Good." He said finally, letting go of your neck.

He took the collar and leash from your hands. "Everyone else might think that you're Hux's fiancée," Kylo started fastening the collar around your neck as he spoke, "But if only they knew the things I do to you when we're alone...the way you submit to me and let me use you...No one knows how much of a dirty girl you are for me."

You inhaled sharply at his words and the way that the collar was now tightened around your neck, the leather gripping you in a way that was similar but not as harsh as what Kylo's hand had been doing to you earlier.

"And you are my dirty little girl, aren't you?" Kylo practically moaned as he said this, moving back and looking you over. You were sitting on his bed with the gifts on that he picked out for you, staring up at him with lust filled eyes. You were perfect.

He hooked the leash onto the ring of the collar and pulled on it abruptly, causing you to fall forward, on your hands and knees. "Look at me." He said, yanking on the chain so that you gasped and moved your head up, looking up at him.

"Do you know what else you are?" Kylo hissed. He pulled on the leash again and grabbed your face with his large hand, fingers digging into your cheeks.

You didn't answer. You couldn't even if you knew what he wanted you to say.

Kylo bent down, locking intense, dark eyes with yours. "You're my bitch." He growled, grip tightening on your face. "And I want to hear you say it."

Your heart was thumping, looking into his eyes. It turned you on so much when he was like this, scolding and disapproving. You knew what he wanted.

Kylo didn't back off, barely even blinking as he looked down at you with an expectant expression. He really needed this reminder, you realized, he needed something to think about when he saw you pretending with Hux.

Knowing you weren't getting out of this, you took a deep breath. "I'm Kylo Ren's bitch." You said unwaveringly, eyes set right on his, challenging.

He exhaled, growling under his breath at that, hand clenching around the handle that was in his hand. "That's right. Mine." Kylo yanked on the leash, "Sit up." He instructed you and you didn't waste time in listening to him, moving from your hands and knees, onto just your knees.

Once you were settled, Kylo leaned down and pressed his lips against yours harshly. "You'd never do this with anyone else." He muttered in between kisses. "When people start finding out about the engagement, they're going to start congratulating you." He paused his talking so that he could kiss you for a few moments before pulling away again, lips still ghosting over yours.

You were hanging on his every word, meeting his kisses when he gave you them. "You're going to have to pretend to be happy about it. You're going to have to pretend to be happy with Hux, you might have to kiss him, you might even have to pretend that you want to fuck him." He faltered at the last two statements, trying not to imagine it. "But when you do all that, I want you to think of this," He pulled on the chain, taking some of your breath away, "I want you to remember how fucking wet you are right now at the idea that you belong to me."

You whimpered at his words, nodding eagerly. You were so weak for him, you'd do anything.

Kylo kept a grip on the handle, keeping you in place while his hand went in between your legs. Slipping into the lace material of your lingerie, you shuddered when you felt his long fingers brush against your clit, moving farther to spread your legs apart and dip his fingers into your entrance just slightly.

Pretending to ignore the soft sounds you were making, he pulled his hand away and brought it up to your mouth. "Open your mouth. Taste yourself on daddy's fingers." He said, and when you opened, he slipped his fingers inside, running the pads of his fingertips along your tongue.

You closed your lips in around his fingers, humming at the way that they felt in your mouth, you loved his hands.

Kylo was watching you intently, pulse quickening at everything that was happening, how much power he felt like he had and how perfect you looked. He pulled at the leash, causing you to stumble forward on the bed and in turn, take the length of his fingers further in your mouth, gagging you.

You coughed, blinking hard at the way that Kylo wasn't moving them away or loosening the grip on the leash, instead he was allowing you to get comfortable with the way you were choking on him. "You'll never do this with anyone else." He mumbled, "I'm the only person you'll ever act like such a slut for."

Kylo then abruptly moved his hand away and loosened his grip on the chain connected to your collar. You gasped for breath, relieved, and began wiping away the tears that formed in your eyes from the gagging you'd just done.

"Don't." Kylo grabbed your hand, "I want to see them." He said, talking about the tears, noting the way that it was making your eye makeup smudge. "It turns me on to see you turn into a fucking mess, knowing I'm the one who made you that way."

You moaned at that, it turned you on too. Kylo really was the only one you'd do this for, he was the only person you let your guard down with enough to give in to your deep desires.

Kylo let his lip twitch upwards at your moans, you liked this as much as he did. "You're pathetic, aren't you?" He asked you, pleased. He moved back and motioned you to him with a motion of his fingers. "Off the bed."

You watched the way he held the leash in his hands as you carefully got off of the bed. Then Kylo pointed to the ground. You tried to figure out what he meant and then it clicked. Your skin heated up as you slowly moved onto your hands and knees on the ground. You looked up at him expectantly, waiting for the next set of directions.

Kylo said nothing, instead he started walking in the direction of his chair in the corner of the room, pulling the chain connected to your neck so that you started crawling. He walked at a slow enough pace so that you were right beside him, his eyes on you the entire time. As sexy as you looked, he didn't give you any indication that he thought so, keeping his expression stern and emotionless.

Kylo sat down on his seat, legs spread and looking down at you, mouth set in a straight line. You were on your knees again, resting your weight back so that you were sitting on your heels, staring up at him. It took you back to the night he'd been this way with you before, when you teased him at dinner by being all over Hux. Memories like that made your stomach twist, you'd been overwhelmed at the time but compared to now, it had been so simple.

"I think I need to stop leaving you on your own. You always get into trouble when I'm not around to watch you." Kylo said disapprovingly, his fingers tapping against the leather arms of his seat. "Do you need daddy here with you all the time to stop you from being a bad little slut?" He asked you, his voice almost cooing, becoming more gentle. He leaned forward and took your chin into his hand, holding you in place to keep staring at him.

You swallowed hard but nodded, "Yes, daddy." You said to him, "I hate it when you leave me." You said to him in a soft voice. Although you were trying to be cute, trying to get him to break out of the disappointed character that he was putting on, it was partly true. You had been so stressed meeting with Snoke alone, you would feel so much better if you knew Kylo would be around to protect you.

Kylo frowned at that, being able to detect the truth behind your words. His thumb rubbed against your chin gently while he pulled on your chain, making you move in closer to him and when you were close enough he pressed his lips against yours. "Daddy won't leave you again." He said reassuringly. Then, he brought his hand against your cheek, slapping you, causing you to gasp. "But now that I'm here, I need to remind you that you're all mine. My slut."

He moved back so that he was able to look at you instead of kiss you. You bit your lip and let out a small whine, letting him know that you enjoyed that as much as he thought you would. "God, that's so sad." He teased you, smirking, "You're moaning just because I slapped you...You love being daddy's whore, don't you?" He asked, his hand running along the growing erection in his pants as he spoke.

You moaned again at those words, ashamed by the fact that it did turn you on so much when he was like this, when he scolded you. "I love it." You said breathlessly, your fingernails digging into your thighs to distract you from the embarrassment that you felt.

Kylo hummed in approval, the smirk widening on his face. "God, you're so dirty." He breathed. "Open your mouth, stick out your tongue."

You obeyed, doing as he said. Unsurprisingly, you watched as Kylo shifted and spit into your waiting mouth. You shut your mouth, swallowing your saliva mixed with his, breathing heavy.

Kylo ran his finger along your cheek, where some of his spit had missed your mouth. "Fucking filthy, princess." He muttered, mostly to himself. He put that same finger in your mouth, "Look at you. Clean yourself up, you should be ashamed of yourself." He reprimanded you, eyebrows knitted in judgement.

Your head was spinning, arousal clouding all of your thoughts as you sucked on his finger. Kylo really would be the only person you'd ever be like this with, the only person you were head over heels for enough to put your pride aside. Hux's own head would spin around if he saw you like this, you were always so reserved and bored when it came to sex with him.

"I think you owe me an apology. Tell daddy that you're sorry for being such a dirty slut." Kylo taunted you, clenching his jaw so that he didn't smirk too hard at his own words leaving his mouth.

You groaned as he took his finger out of your mouth, working up the courage to do as he said. "I'm sorry, daddy." You said, clenching your thighs together, your eyes moving from his disapproving ones to his hand on his cock through his pants. You wished he'd touch you like that or you could at least touch him.

"For what? You know what I want to hear."

You went to tilt your head back in frustration but felt the tug of the collar around your neck, Kylo was still holding the leash in his hand that he was touching himself with outside of his pants. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a dirty slut." You whined, "I want to touch you." You added, still watching his movements.

Kylo sighed in pleasure at your obedience and at your neediness. It was his favorite, regardless of how submissive you were, when you wanted him this bad it always made him weak. "Not yet. I'm not finished with you." He said. He stood up and began walking again, pulling on your leash so that you crawled right next to him again.

When you got to the bed, Kylo nudged you on your side with his foot. "Bend over the side of the bed. Ass in the air." He used the leash attached to your collar to help to pull you up onto your feet, causing you to bite your lip at the pinch of it against your skin.

You listened to him, bending over the side of the bed and making sure to angle your hips in a way that your ass was in the air like he wanted it.

Kylo stepped back to look at you and he sighed happily. "You might be a pathetic slut, but fuck...you are so fucking beautiful." He bent over, putting his lips by your ear and his hand on your ass.

"Daddy has such a pretty little toy, doesn't he?" He whispered in your ear, kissing your skin there gently. His hand rubbed against your ass, his kisses moving down to your neck. His hand moved from your ass to in between your legs. "You're always so wet and ready for me to play with...You love knowing I can do whatever I want to you, don't you?" He teased you, running his fingers along your clit from the outside of the thin lace that was covering it.

You shuddered and let out a soft moan, arching your back up to meet his touch, moving your hips against his fingers so that you could get more friction, it wasn't enough through the material of your lingerie.

Feeling the way that you were moving against him made Kylo grunt under his breath and abruptly pull his hand away. Then, he brought his hand down, spanking you. "Be patient." He hissed, smacking your ass again. "Let daddy use you how he wants to."

You moaned, hands grasping for the sheets underneath you, letting him spank you a few more times. Your skin was on fire, burning from the impact of his hand. "You can use me, daddy, I'm all yours." You told him breathlessly.

Kylo groaned at that, squeezing your ass before pulling on the leash, taking your breath away. "Get on the bed but keep your ass up." He told you and after you crawled onto the bed and did what he told you to do, he gave you a small pat on your burning skin, telling you wordlessly that you did a good job. He let go of the leash, letting it hang down in front of you.

Out of the corner of your eye you watched Kylo take something out of the duffle bag and set it on his dresser but before you could turn to see what it was, he was on the side of the bed, in your line of vision and you were distracted by him. He grabbed the bottom of the bag and turned it upside down, pouring out it's contents in front of you.

Your eyes widened and you couldn't help but let out a laugh of surprise when you saw what was inside: Cash. There were more hundred dollar bills on the bed in front of you than you'd ever seen in person before.

"Oh my god." You muttered, blinking as you took it all in. "Is this yours or the mob's?"

Kylo smirked at your reaction, happy to see your shock. It was a lot of money. "All mine, princess." He told you, spreading it out all over the bed. He patted a spot in the middle of the pile, raising an eyebrow as if to tell you to go there.

You laughed again at how ridiculous this all was but he didn't falter in his stare. Your laughter died off, crawling to the spot in front of him.

"Has your fiancé ever brought home money like this?" He asked you, his dark eyes dancing at the question. That's what all of this was, why his attitude was so cocky and in command right now, he needed the reminder that he was better than Hux. Snoke might've been wrong about the engagement coming between you and Kylo but he had been right about it's impact on Kylo's self esteem.

"No." You answered him, knowing what he needed. "He'd never be able to. He can't take care of me the way you can. You're the boss, daddy, he could never be like you." You told him, looking up at him through your lashes, your hands and knees on top of hundred dollar bills.

Kylo openly smirked at that, leaning down and pressing his lips against yours hard. "I am the boss." He agreed with a small laugh, "I'm sure it must be hard for him to keep up with you. You're such a greedy girl, it's a good thing daddy has so much to give you." He tugged on the leash, knowing how much you liked it when it felt like the collar was choking you.

You moaned, "You always give me what I need." You said and you really meant it. When you were nervous or upset or needed reassurance, even if it was hard for him, Kylo was always there for you. There was also the fact that he had enough money and connections to get you whatever you needed. And not to mention he was the only person who had ever made you cum as much he did.

Kylo's heart thumped at that, the validation that it was giving him. "And I need you to give me what I need right now, princess. I need you to stay still." He told you, grabbing for something in the pile of money, a baggie. When you strained your eyes you saw what it was: cocaine.

"Daddy's gonna get high and he's going to fuck you until you can't take it anymore, do you understand?" He asked you casually, as if it were no big deal.

You needed a few moments to process that but once you did, you nodded slowly. "Okay." You agreed, watching the way that Kylo's large hands opened the baggie of drugs and he made his way behind you.

Kylo's hand went to the back of your head and pushed it down, making you move so that your weight was resting on your elbows, your ass sticking up in the air. "Don't move, not until I say."

You made a noise of understanding, trying to ignore the way that your face was pressed against the bills underneath you. You heard Kylo digging around in his pockets and the noise coming from the small bag and then his hand against your thigh to hold you in place.

Kylo was concentrated behind you, dumping out a small amount of the white powder onto your ass cheek. He separated the small pile into multiple lines with the black credit card he had just pulled from his wallet.

"You look so perfect." He sighed, moving down close to you. "Letting daddy do terrible things with you, my dirty girl." After saying that, you were able to feel his nose against your skin and the way he was sharply inhaling through it, breathing in the drugs.

Although you didn't do drugs often and Kylo didn't while he was around you, the thought of him doing something that he shouldn't with you was a rush. He was using you like you were a piece of his furniture, doing drugs off of your body and although that should make you upset or embarrassed, it just turned you on...You'd let yourself feel bad about that tomorrow...maybe.

When he was finished, Kylo growled under his breath, rubbing his nose and smacking your ass. "Good girl, you can move." He told you and you moved onto your hands, finding your balance on top of the shifting money underneath your weight. "Roll over." He told you, gently nudging your back.

You moved so that you were able to lay on your back, weight propped up onto your elbows and you were thankful for the relief in your arms from holding yourself up. You were staring up at him with expectant eyes, waiting for his next command.

Kylo's head was swimming from the adrenaline of the drugs and from how much he wanted you. "Do you want a turn?" He asked you, holding up the baggie.

You bit your lip, thinking about it. You wanted to because you wanted to be like Kylo, you were willing to let this life consume your actions. "I do." You told him.

Kylo didn't move for a moment, looking you over to make sure that you really meant it. When he decided that you did, you actually wanted to, he grinned at you darkly. "Fuck, I really did ruin you, didn't I? You're probably soaking wet, just thinking about the fact that we're about to get high together." He teased you, opening up the bag and moving to the side of the bed so that he was closer to where your face was.

You were watching him intently, squirming slightly in anticipation. He did ruin you.

Kylo was careful, even in his heightened state, as he emptied a small amount of the bag's contents onto the back of his hand. He didn't give you too much, not enough to even form long thin lines like had done. He slowly moved his hand down to you, closing the bag and setting it on his nightstand.

Kylo grabbed the leash around your neck and tugged at it, making you sit up and move closer to his hand.

"I want you to do this off of daddy's hand, okay? Let him help you." He urged you, keeping a tight grip on the handle of the leash in his palm while moving his other hand, with the drugs on it, up to your face.

You stared at the white powder for a minute, hesitant. You had done this before but it had been years ago and you had been drunk at a party. This was a lot different. You looked up at Kylo and were encouraged by his eyes set on yours, blinking. You leaned forward and when you made contact with his skin, you brought a finger up to hold a nostril shut while you inhaled deeply with the other.

"Good girl, good job princess, just like that." Kylo was muttering to you as you made a sound of discomfort and coughed at the foreign feeling. You took a few seconds to catch your breath, rubbing your nose.

Then it started creeping up on you. It took a few moments but you felt your heart start to thump, your head feeling light. "Fuck." You muttered, chuckling a little under your breath at the rush of it, not just the drugs but the intimate moment you had just had with Kylo.

Kylo had a genuine ghost of a smile on his lips as he started quickly taking his clothes off, letting go of your leash only to unzip his pants and take his shirt off in a rushed manner, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I can't wait anymore, I need to be inside that tight pussy." Kylo said, tossing his clothes away from him until he was naked in front of you.

You let out a shaky breath, staring at him. It could've been the cocaine talking, but in that moment, he looked like a god to you. You were suddenly overwhelmed by this feeling for him, this...love.

"Kylo, please." You breathed out, needy again, wanting him close to you.

Kylo swallowed hard at the look on your face. He was having the same thoughts as you. It had been fun and games earlier when he was pretending to discipline you but now that you had just shared that moment with him and you were saying his name in that voice, he was struck with the realization again that he loved you. And he needed you.

He was on top of you in seconds, kissing you and letting his hands run all over your body, "You're my good fucking girl." He growled under his breath, teeth biting your bottom lip.

You whined and moved your hands into his hair, holding him tightly against you. "I am. I'm yours, Kylo. That stupid fucking ring doesn't change anything." Your lips were desperate against each other, everything was going at a quicker pace because of your highs.

"It doesn't." He agreed, reaching down and pulling your lingerie to the side, "It doesn't matter who you're supposed to marry, this is still my fucking pussy." He spit into his hand, running it over his cock, getting it wet.

Without warning, Kylo quickly entered you, causing both of you to gasp out. Your hands went from his hair to his shoulders, finger tips digging into his skin. "Oh fuck, Kylo." You moaned out, squeezing him. Your high was getting more intense, your mind going so quickly. You felt like you couldn't get enough of Kylo and you couldn't get him quick enough.

Kylo groaned, thrusting in and out of you. "You feel so fucking good, princess." He said, his necklace dangling and making small metallic noises against the chain of your leash. "You like that daddy's fucking you on his big pile of money, huh?" He asked you, breathing heavy.

You whimpered and nodded, nails running down his back at the realization of it. "Yes, daddy."

"You don't even care how I got it, do you?" Kylo asked, rolling his hips, "I could've killed people to earn this money and here you are, getting it all wet...You're a slut." He hissed, kissing you.

When he pulled away, you were staring into his eyes, they were bloodshot and his pupils were dilated, reminding you of what the two of you had just done. "I'm your slut." You agreed, voice wavering with each thrust he made inside of you.

Kylo groaned, eyes shutting in pleasure. He slapped you gently on the cheek, "That's right, you're my slut. My perfect little slut." A free hand found the chain connected to the collar, tugging it. "Roll over, I want to fuck you from the back."

Kylo pulled out from you just long enough for you to move back onto your hands and knees. When you were balanced and he pulled your lingerie out of the way, he quickly entered you again, on his knees himself. He held the leash in his hand, tugging it in a way so that your head was tilted back, taking your breath away.

You gasped, trying to get used to the way that he was fucking you so deep and quickly, your breathing slightly constricted. "Oh my god, Kylo, just like that." You whined, hands grasping at the hundred dollar bills underneath you.

Kylo slapped your ass then moved the same hand down in between your legs, finding your swollen clit. "Yeah, you like that?" He grunted, pleased with the way that you moaned out loud when his fingers came into contact with your sensitive spot, "You like having daddy's big dick inside you, don't you? You love the way it feels like I'm fucking breaking you in half."

You were attempting to meet his thrusts, needing more of him. He knew exactly how to touch you, he was rubbing your bundle of nerves at the exact pace that you needed. "Don't stop." You agreed with him. Your muscles were already tightening up from the way he was touching you.

Kylo groaned, squeezing the handle of the leash in his grip. His eyes were on your ass, at the marks he left behind and watching the way that his cock was entering you, watching how well you took him inside of you. Usually when he did coke, it took him forever to cum or if he did enough, it was difficult for him to even get hard. But with you, that was a different story, he was so attracted to you, he couldn't help himself.

"You're gonna cum already, aren't you?" Kylo taunted you, moaning, "You're such a whore." He reprimanded you, his fingers moving against you perfectly. "And you love it. You get off on knowing how fucking desperate you are for me, it's pathetic."

You were a mess, dark makeup from your eyes leaking down your cheeks from the way he was touching you and the rush of energy and euphoria that you were feeling. "Yes, Kylo, oh my god." You were moaning out nonsense, feeling the familiar warmth as you started tightening up.

"Do it then." Kylo growled, pulling on the leash, causing you to gasp. "I want you to cum for me. You wanna be a greedy girl, that's fine, but you gotta do it my way." He ordered you, his fingers rubbing you in the quick motion that he knew drove you crazy.

You couldn't stop moaning, not even words, just sounds of pleasure as he worked you closer and closer to your peak.

"Cum for me." Kylo said, leaning down so that his mouth was closer to your ear. "Right now." He added in a low voice, keeping his grip on the leash tight and his motions the same on your clit, feeling the way that you were starting to tense up around him.

You weren't even sure if you had a choice. Your orgasm hit you suddenly, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut and moan loudly, toes curling. You didn't even realize it but you were saying Kylo's name over and over, your moans breaking off into deep audible breaths.

It didn't matter how many times he did it, it always gave Kylo a sense of accomplishment when he made you finish, especially when it was as hard as it just had been. He was fully aware of the fact that he was the only person who could do this to you, he was the only one that you allowed to do this to you and that power wasn't lost on him. What the two of you had was special.

"Good girl, good job." Kylo cooed, moving his fingers away from you so that you could recover while he continued to thrust in and out of you, he hadn't stopped those movements the entire time. "You're usually such a brat but you get so obedient when my cock's inside of you." He groaned at his own words, knowing it was true. No matter how many times you pissed him off on purpose to get a reaction from him, the moment that he touched you, you surrendered to him. He loved it.

You couldn't even hear what he was saying to you, your ears were ringing with pleasure, barely able to keep your weight up on your hands from the way that you had just finished. You were trembling, letting Kylo use your body how he needed to.

Kylo saw your struggle and pushed at your shoulders, causing you to lay your chest against the money on top of the bed, putting your weight there instead of your arms. Doing this caused your back to arch more and in turn, Kylo to enter you deeper. The two of you both gasped at the feeling.

"Look at you, letting daddy absolutely break you." He was gripping your hip with one hand, squeezing.

"I have you on a fucking leash, princess." He laughed, teasing you, pulling at it for emphasis. Kylo slapped your ass, "You might be someone else's fiancée, but you're Kylo Ren's bitch."

You whined at that, tears streaming down your face at how overwhelmed you were by all of this. "I am. I'm Kylo Ren's bitch." You agreed with him. All of your dignity was out of the window, there was no reason to try to keep up the act.

"That's right." Kylo moaned, spanking you again. His thrusts were becoming sloppy, starting to feel that familiar tightening himself. "Next time you're with him, when you have to pretend, you're going to think about this." He told you, "You're going to think about how you just came on my big cock because you were thinking about how ashamed you were... how much you love being a pathetic whore for me."

"Oh my god." You moaned at his words, he really knew just what to say to you. He knew everything about you, the way your mind worked and your body too.

Kylo felt his orgasm creeping up on him, spurring himself on with his own words. "You want daddy to cum inside of you? Want him to fill you up?" He asked you, finger tips gripping into your skin.

You nodded quickly, cheek rubbing against the paper of the money underneath you. "Yes, please."

Kylo chuckled darkly, "That's too bad. You don't deserve it. I'm going to cum on your face like the slut you are." He told you, suddenly pulling out. Before you had time to process it, he was using the leash in his hand to help push you over onto your back. "Sit up." He told you, pulling at the leash anyways.

You were still dazed from how hard you came a moment ago but you were able to listen to him, sitting up and staring at him expectantly.

Kylo moved in front of you, pumping his cock with his hand quickly, using your own wetness to help him glide over his skin. "Close your eyes and stick out your tongue." He told you and although he was trying to hide it, you could hear the desperation in his voice, the slight whine to it.

You did as you were told, heart thumping at what you knew was about to happen, something he'd never done to you before.

Kylo was staring at you, at the way that you were obeying him and such a mess. It was a power trip. When the two of you first met you had tried so hard to be good and resist him, but now here you were. All his.

Kylo groaned at his own thoughts, pumping his cock quicker, "I'm gonna cum, princess, I'm gonna fucking cum all over your face." He was concentrated, his voice trembling as his movements became more rushed, out of rhythm.

He noticed the way you made a small noise of nervousness and the way your thighs were clenching together and it was too much for him. Kylo moaned your name out as he finished, watching the way that his cum landed on your face as he did so.

You froze, feeling the warmness hit your face in various spots, mostly on your tongue.

Kylo stroked himself a few more times, riding out his orgasm as he kept his eyes open and on you. "Oh god, that was perfect, princess. I want you to swallow it." He told you, breathing heavy. He reached forward and began wiping away what hadn't made it into your mouth while you swallowed what had.

You tried not to think about how vulnerable all of this was for you. You knew you looked like a mess and you felt like one too.

You felt Kylo's fingers at your lips and you automatically opened so that he could place them inside of your mouth. You realized he was having you clean yourself off from what he had just wiped away and you moaned at the realization.

When you were sure that there wasn't any in your eyes, you fluttered them open, blinking. Kylo was staring down at you with a concerned but admiring expression. He wanted to make sure you were okay after all of that but he also was in awe of you. You were so perfect and you were his. He unclipped the collar from your neck, trying to ignore the faint marks that it left behind.

"I'll be right back." Kylo told you, knowing that you needed some extra attention from him after the way he had just treated you.

You didn't want him to go and you almost reached out to him to stop him but you were too exhausted. Instead you collapsed against the bed with a sigh, trying to clear some of the money out of the way so that you were more comfortable. The high from the drugs didn't last long anyways but after letting Kylo use you like that, you felt like you were coming down from it already.

It didn't take long for Kylo to walk back into the room. He set a few things on his nightstand before going over to you and clearing the money off of the bed, scooping it into the duffle bag. Then he pulled his underwear on, joining you on the sheets. "Come here, good girl." He muttered to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you close.

You settled against his chest, relieved. This was what you needed while you crashed.

Kylo grabbed for the items he brought in with him and soon he was wiping a washcloth against your face, warm with water. "You did such a good job for me." He told you softly, assuring you.

You hummed in response, letting him take care of you. This was the daddy you liked the best, the one that no one else got to see.

Once he decided he cleaned you up enough, he handed you a glass of water and when you tried to push it away, not wanting it, he held it up to your lips, forcing you to take some drinks from it.

The two of you stayed in this position for a while, you resting against his chest and him holding you close. You didn't even mind that the red lights were still glowing in the room, the darkness made you feel closer to him somehow, less inhibited.

"Oh," Kylo said, remembering. He moved so that he was able to get off of the bed without disturbing your position too much. You watched as he walked over to his dresser, where the other duffle bag was and saw him grab something. "I got you something."

You were confused, sitting up in bed against the headboard. "You already showed me your gifts." You told him, remembering the wrapped box he had gave you when he first got back.

That caused him to chuckle slightly, getting back into bed with you, sitting next to you. "The lingerie and collar? Those were for me, I'm the one who got to enjoy you in those." He said, smirking. "This is for you." He handed you the item. It wasn't wrapped like the lingerie had been, this store didn't have a gift wrapping option.

Your eyes strained, trying to see what it was in the low red lights. "Wait, really?" You asked, when you pieced it together. It was a set of paintbrushes, very expensive paint brushes, ones that you always wanted. "Kylo, oh my god, these are like three hundred dollars each." You said, running your fingers along the box, there were ten different brushes inside.

Kylo shrugged, he hadn't looked at the price tag. "There was an art store right below the hotel I stayed in. I stopped in and asked the guy what would be the best gift for a painter. He suggested these." He was growing shy almost, embarrassed to admit how thoughtful he'd been. "If you don't need them, don't worry about it, I wasn't sure."

You were speechless. These brushes were something that you'd always wanted but never thought you'd have the money to do so. Sure, Hux could've afforded it but asking for brushes as opposed to a new pair of shoes was something he wouldn't appreciate. You didn't even need to ask Kylo or even bring it up. He brought it upon himself to find something that would be useful for you.

You looked over at him and saw the anxious expression on his face. He was wondering if he had been too soft with you when he bought it, maybe it had been a mistake. But then you put your hand on his cheek and kissed him and he relaxed against your touch.

"Thank you." You said against his lips before kissing him again, "Kylo, this means a lot to me." You told him sincerely. You were so surprised that he bought them, you hadn't been expecting it. 

Kylo nodded shortly trying not to show how happy it made him to see you so pleasantly surprised. The butterflies in his stomach had nothing to do with the drugs he had just done, they were because of you. "You're welcome." He told you evenly.

You knew better than to gush over the gift any more than you already have, it would just make Kylo turn cold and uncomfortable. So instead, you settled against his chest again, going silent. You held the box of paintbrushes close to you and you had a big smile on your face as you tried to imagine him wandering around an art store.

Kylo was thankful that you stopped talking about it, putting him at ease. His hand went to your back and rubbed it while he looked off into the darkness of his room in front of him. He was glad to be back home but now he had so much to deal with.

You two stayed like this for a while, enjoying the silence and company.

"I'm going to have to kill Hux soon, before New Years." Kylo finally said to you, contemplating.

You raised your head from his chest to look at him, hoping you heard him right.

"Okay." You told him, it was a relief to you. You wanted to be done with this problem so you could finally be with Kylo.

"Then you'll really be all mine." Kylo added, a small smirk on his face at the thought of it.

You couldn't wait.


	30. Distraction

Usually, you hated mornings. But not this one.

When you woke up, Kylo had been in the shower and you took this opportunity to surprise him with breakfast. You knew how much he liked it, even if he pretended he didn't like being taken care of.

You had just been pouring cups of coffee for the both of you when you felt Kylo's arms snake around your waist, his lips at the back of your neck.

And now your back was on top of the kitchen table, ass positioned on the edge of it, laying down and moaning. Kylo had his knees on the floor with his head between your thighs, eating you out. 

"You like that, princess?" He breathed against your wetness, tongue flicking out between his lips to lap against your clit.

Your back arched against the wood of the table top, hands finding their way into Kylo's wet hair from the shower. "I do. You know I do." You whined at the feeling.

Kylo hummed, smirking, "Do you want it faster or slower? You tell me. Talk to daddy."

You could hardly think, he was so good at this. "Keep doing what you're doing, it's perfect like this."

You were able to feel the way that Kylo grinned for a moment against you, pleased by your validation before continuing his movements. "I couldn't even wait long enough to bring you to the bedroom. I had to taste you so badly that I have you on the fucking kitchen table."

His words made you tangle your fingers in his hair, biting your lip as you grinned now too, pleased by receiving the same validation. "You're a slut." You teased him, throwing his own words back at him that he used on you the day before.

Kylo was surprised by the jolt of arousal that was sent through his system hearing you call him that. It was wrong, he shouldn't like it, but he did. "Daddy's a slut for you." He agreed, hands finding your thighs so that he could squeeze them.

That caused you to moan loudly, shutting your eyes in pleasure as you pulled his hair, not even really meaning to. It turned you on so much to know that he was willing to say things like that with you, you knew he'd never do it with anyone else.

As Kylo continued to expertly move his tongue against your clit, you growled in frustration when you heard your phone ring from where it sat on the kitchen counter.

"I should get that for you." Kylo muttered in between tongue flicks.

You grabbed his hair tighter. "Don't." You were practically beginning.

Kylo smirked at the desperation in your voice, pulling away from you. "That's not for you to decide." He reminded you of who was in charge right now.

You went to grab at his hair to keep him in place but he easily moved your hands away then went over to the counter to grab your phone. You watched as his face lit up, a smirk on his lips as he swiped at the screen, answering the call.

He was back to you quickly, pushing the phone into your hands, an expecting look on his face.

Seeing the name 'Armie' on the screen caused your stomach to drop and you wanted to throw the phone at Kylo's face for being so careless. But it was too late, you could hear Hux saying, 'hello?' on the other end, able to tell that you answered it.

"Hi." You said, trying to act casual, "What's up?" You asked. You almost laughed out loud at that question. It was so simple and yet you were asking it to the man you were being forced to marry.

Kylo was back on his knees in no time, kissing up your leg from your calf to your thigh. His eyes were trained on your face, taking in your reactions, teasing you. He loved having this power. He loved knowing that Hux was oblivious on the other line to his enemy kissing all over his fianceé's skin.

"Hi, honey." Hux said. His voice sounded far away and you could hear noises in the background, maybe it was the sound of being in a room of people or walking outside, you couldn't tell. Really, he was putting pieces of luggage in the back of his driver's car.

You didn't say anything, feeling better when he did all the talking.

Kylo's lips went from your thighs to back in between your legs, placing a gentle kiss on your bundle of nerves. You tensed, swallowing hard at the contact. Was he really going to do all of this while you were on the phone?

"I know you probably wanted to spend time together tonight," Hux said, "I mean, we haven't been alone since we've been engaged." You could hear the smirk on his face as he said those words.

Kylo's tongue was now expertly working you, pulsating his tongue against your clit at the exact speed that he knew drove you crazy. Hearing Hux's voice faintly from your phone made him so smug, his ego was through the roof and made him want you so badly.

"Oh, right. Yeah, of course I do." You said to him, trying to keep your voice steady while all of Kylo's motions against you made you just want to yell out in pleasure. You sent him a frustrated look, trying to push his head away from you but he didn't budge.

Hux was pleased by your response, too distracted himself to pick up on the insincerity of it. "Well I wanted to plan a date for us tonight but Snoke wants me to go out of town with him, a last minute thing, I'll be back tomorrow...You'll forgive me, won't you? I'll plan something special when I get back, okay?"

Somewhere in the middle of Hux's speaking, Kylo had slowly entered a finger inside of you, curling it in the way that made your back lift off from the table underneath you. You gasped and covered it up with a cough, not wanting Hux to be suspicious.

Kylo was grinning against you, loving this.

"That sounds good, no problem." You told him, digging your heel into Kylo's back, irritated with him for doing something that almost blew your cover.

You heard Hux give his driver some instructions before he was back on the phone with you, "I was thinking we should have an engagement party soon too, don't you think? I'm sure everyone will want to celebrate with us."

"A party?" You asked, just mimicking his words, trying to distract yourself from the pleasure you were feeling from Kylo's mouth and hand.

"Ooo, a party." Kylo hummed quietly against you, smirking, mocking your words. Asshole. You dug your heel into his back harder.

"Yeah, I was thinking we could rent out that restaurant that just opened up? A few of the guys were mentioning wanting to go there." Hux suggested. Typical, he probably hadn't even thought of having a party until he realized he could have something that the other men wanted.

"That sounds good." You told him breathlessly, eyes fluttering at the way that Kylo was moving his fingers in and out of you at a slow pace. You couldn't even process what Hux was saying, you could've just agreed to moving across the country and you wouldn't have even known.

Locking eyes with you, Kylo's gaze was mischievous as he carefully added a second finger inside of you.

"Fuck." You let slip in a strained voice. You froze when you realized your mistake, panic setting in.

Kylo, on the other hand, was pleased by your reaction. He slipped his fingers out from inside of you so that he could bring his hand down, spanking your pussy. "Bad girl." He whispered in a low voice.

"What was that?" Hux asked, frown evident in his voice, "What happened?"

Your mind was spinning, trying to focus on too many things at once. "Shit, um, sorry. I just remembered I was supposed to be at school for this meeting- I have to go, okay? Have fun on your trip." You hung up the phone without hearing a response.

"Kylo!" You hissed, scrambling so that your weight was on your elbows, propping you up so that you could see him better.

"What?" He asked, feigning innocence. "It's not my fault you couldn't handle it." He teased you as he stood up from his kneeling position. Kylo began taking his pants off, underwear hitting the floor with them.

"You could've gotten me killed." You hissed but your anger was already dissolving, too preoccupied with the way that Kylo spit in his hand before starting to stroke himself, moving closer to you.

"And I bet it made you so wet, didn't it?" Kylo teased you, running a finger along your folds. He groaned and winked at you, letting you know that he had been right. The danger of it had turned you on.

You ignored his statement, embarrassed by the way your own body had betrayed you.

"Daddy's gonna fuck you on this table," He moved forward and slipped his fingers in your mouth, "And you're going to show him that you can keep quiet, princess. Show him you're his good girl." He told you, pressing your tongue down as he entered inside of you.

Your head tilted back, a moan dying off in your throat, wanting to prove to him that you could handle his request.

As you locked eyes with him, you saw the way that he was staring at you intensely and it made your stomach flip. You could handle him and this life and that was becoming clearer to the both of you everyday.

Kylo was so proud of you. His good girl. 

Later that day, the two of you were in your apartment, in your bedroom.

"What do you think?" You asked Kylo, turning from your mirror and adjusting your dress. It was simple and black but it hugged your body perfectly. It had a high slit up the side of the hem, revealing your leg and the shiny gold chain that was wrapped around your thigh, almost every part of your body covered in something expensive.

Kylo circled around you, dark eyes looking you over as if he wanted to devour you. In a way, he did. "You're so fucking gorgeous." He muttered, stopping his movement when he got in front of you.

You smiled slightly but then remembered what you had gotten dressed up for and it faltered.

Kylo noticed it and rolled his eyes, putting a hand on your shoulder. "But you're nervous." He commented.

You nodded in response. "Remember what happened last time?"

Kylo's expression fell now too, thinking back.

After Hux informed you that morning that he'd be out of town for the night, Kylo invited you to join him and the Knights for a deal at a nightclub a few streets over. The last time that you went on a deal with them, you saw way too much.

Thinking back on the memory, you tried not to think about the pleasure you saw on Kylo's face as he tortured those men in that basement but now that you were in a similar situation as you had been then, it was all coming back.

"This is different." Kylo told you, his hand running up from your shoulder to your neck. He didn't wrap his hand around your throat but instead just placed his palm against you there, securing you, making you feel safer. "We're just meeting with some guys at a club, there's not going to be anything like what you saw that night, okay?"

You knew that his promises didn't mean much. Of course, there was no plan of things turning dark or violent tonight but it was impossible from him to guarantee that it wouldn't end up that way. It was the mafia; anything could happen.

But at the same time, you found yourself wanting to join him and be around him. Snoke had made you so concerned about not fully knowing who Kylo was, any chance you got to see another side of him, you were going to take it.

Your hand went to his arm, wrapping your hand around it as much as you could, staring up at him. "I trust you." You told him and you meant it.

Kylo swallowed hard at that admission, noting the sincerity behind it. "I'll take care of you...You know that, right? No matter what happens, I'm gonna keep you safe." He assured you, his chest rising and falling quicker at the admission.

He thought about how scared he'd been after he found out that you saw him do those things to those men that night. It made him think that he lost you. He couldn't let that happen again, he wouldn't.

"I know, Kylo." You told him, realizing it was true. Although he made you nervous when he got into a certain mood, you knew that he was on your side. At this point, you trusted him to protect you.

Kylo nodded, letting that wash over him, you trusted him and it was up to him to not break that. He bent down and kissed you, recoiling almost immediately as he did so, wiping his mouth off with the back of his hand. "What is that?"

You laughed knowing exactly what happened, "Lip gloss." You informed him with a smirk. You hardly wore it around him because you knew he'd just kiss you and ruin it.

Kylo was shaking his head in disgust, moving to your bathroom so that he could attempt to wipe it off his mouth and his hand. "It tastes terrible." He said, spitting into the sink.

"Well yeah, you aren't supposed to eat it." You teased him, following him into the bathroom so that you could get a washcloth wet and wipe his mouth for him. You stared up at him, holding back laughter as you helped him get clean again, wiping his hand off for him too.

When you were finished, you caught his eye, the way that he was staring at you. Butterflies formed in your stomach.

"You're so handsome." You told him, biting your lip at the way that the statement seemed to leave your mouth without you even meaning it to.

Kylo's eyebrows furrowed, not expecting that. He knew you found him attractive at this point but hearing it was a different thing. He wasn't used to receiving compliments so honest and direct. His jaw clenched, trying to hide his surprise.

You could tell that he wasn't sure how to respond so you took the washcloth and turned towards your reflection in the mirror. You wiped the rest of the lip gloss from your lips carefully, making sure not to disturb the rest of your makeup. Then, you leaned up towards him and kissed him. 

"Better?" You asked, amused.

"Much better." He grinned, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you in against him, kissing you deeper. Responding to your compliment made him uncomfortable but this, he was very comfortable with.

You didn't get to ride in Kylo's car very often so you were thrilled with the opportunity to sit in his passenger seat and see him behind the wheel. He was so attractive and focused as he shifted gears and effortlessly switched lanes.

In the passenger side mirror, you were able to see the row of cars behind the two of you, all filled with Knights.

Although a part of you was nervous to go to this tonight after what took place during the last time, it did excite you to be part of it. With the Knights all in a row behind the two of you, it felt like you were in an army of some sorts, all coming together for one goal. And you were right by the boss's side. His girl.

"I want you to enjoy yourself tonight," Kylo informed you, glancing over his shoulder before he switched into the left lane, speeding up. "I'm just meeting up with these guys in person because it makes it easier to transfer money. It'll be no big deal."

You realized you were physically nervous and that's why he brought it up. You took a deep breath to relax yourself. "I'll try my best." You told him, then glanced over at him, "A nightclub?" You confirmed, trying to remember where he was driving you.

He made a small noise of agreement, eyes dancing all over the road.

"Maybe you'll dance with me again." You smirked, teasing him, remembering the way the two of you snuck off to dance at that wedding.

As Kylo pulled up to a red light, he looked over at you with a raised eyebrow. "Careful, princess." Then, at the way that you were grinning at him like a brat, he continued, "Maybe you'll get spanked by all the Knights again." He teased you, bringing up the way that they'd done so the last time you were at a club with them.

You frowned, realizing that he had the upper hand when it came to embarrassing memories. "Okay, fine, shut up." You muttered, rolling your eyes at him.

At that, Kylo smirked widely as he pulled up to the valet in front of the club. He looked over at you and placed a hand on your thigh, waiting for the valet to be finished with the car in front of you. "Are you gonna be a good girl tonight for daddy?" He asked you.

You grinned and nodded, leaning over so that you could kiss him. "I will." You promised him and he squeezed your thigh in response.

"Aw, I know you will, princess." He told you, practically cooing, kissing you again.

It pleased you that he was being this soft for you before he walked into something where he'd have to act the opposite. It was reassuring.

You jumped slightly when you heard the door open beside you and when you turned your head you saw Ushar, not the valet. "Mr. and Mrs. Ren?" He asked you, attempting to piss you off.

You pulled away from Kylo, moving so that you could leave from the passenger's side, ignoring the hand that Ushar held out to you. "Very funny." You said to him, irritated.

Kylo had a smug look on his face, countering your irritated one. Although he wasn't in a rush to marry you, knowing that you were technically engaged to someone else, it made him happy to hear you be claimed by his last name instead. Even if it was just a stupid joke.

When you had fully exited the vehicle, the Knights that were gathered around Kylo's car all stopped and stared at you with her jaws open, taking in the way that you were all dressed up.

"What?" You asked them, raising an eyebrow, playing dumb. In reality, you knew what they were staring at. You looked good.

You felt an arm wrap around your waist, "You all act like you've never seen her in a dress before." Kylo's voice rang out, pressing a kiss to top of your head as he did so.

"To be fair, we've never seen her in that dress before." Vicrul said, a grin on his face. When you glanced over at him, he gave you a nod in 'hello'.

You couldn't help but smile back at him. He was such a puppy, it was hard for you to even pretend to be irritated with him, not that you were necessarily irritated by the compliments you were receiving in the first place.

Kylo rolled his eyes at that but didn't say anything else. He liked when they talked about how good you looked, it boosted his ego to know that he had the most gorgeous girl on his arm. He made eye contact with the men and nodded towards the door, his way of saying that it was time to go inside.

The group of you made your way to the entrance of the club, everyone around you turning to look at you all, whispering. Although your face in particular wasn't recognizable to the public yet, Kylo's definitely was, some of the Knights too.

It still caught you by surprise when you'd turn on the news in the morning and see the man who spent most of his time inside of you, on the screen with his mugshot. Almost every major crime in the city could be traced back to the mob and the local media loved sensationalizing it, making everything seem more sinister than it really was.

Ignoring everyone's whispering, Kylo shook hands with the bouncer, exchanging pleasantries. He kept his arm securely around you while he dug into his pocket, pulling out his wallet. You watched the way he casually pulled out a few hundred dollar bills, placing them in the bouncer's hand. It was clear that the club was planning for you all to be there tonight but still, it was always in Kylo's best interest to have the workers on his side.

It didn't take long for the bouncer to open the door, letting you inside, greeting everyone as they passed by him.

Inside the club, the music was pumping, vibrating through your body. It was dimly lit and crowded. There were various small stages all around, poles in the middle of them with half naked women dancing on them. Everyone was dressed up like all you were, in suits and dresses.

"Over there?" Cardo yelled over the music, pointing in the direction of the corner of the club, where the private room was.

Kylo gave him a short nod, eyes dancing around, searching the place. He always had to be on high alert when he was in public like this.

The group of you made your way through the crowds of people, Knights in front and behind you and Kylo, protecting you from anything that might take place on the walk to the back of the club. 

The private room was literally a separate room, an entire door secluding you from the rest of the club instead of just a curtain. It was just as dimly lit in there as it had been outside, music just slightly quieter. There were a few bartenders in there, walking around with trays of various drinks and there was an occupied pole in the corner of the room, presumably for dancers in any other situation. If this wasn't a secretive mob meeting. There were a few plush couches and chairs placed around the room.

Kylo led you to the back of the room, where there were two large couches facing each other, a table with champagne on it in the middle. A few Knights followed while the others sat around the room, eyes set on the door to make sure they saw everyone who was coming and going.

As you took a seat with him, a bartender was immediately over to hand him a glass of whiskey, no ice. Exactly how he liked it.

While you had been preoccupied by taking in how much power he had, even when it came to trivial things like getting his drink without asking for it, you had been oblivious to the way that Vicrul had been pouring you a glass of champagne.

"Do you want this? Or something else?" Vicrul asked you, handing you the glass. 

You were thankful that he seemed to be Kylo's right hand man, the one who was around most often, he was the one you were the most comfortable with. "This is fine, thanks." You told him, squeezing his knee in 'thank you'.

Vicrul jumped at the contact, not expecting it. He gave you a shy grin, "You're welcome." He told you, looking away so that he could pour his own glass.

Kylo noticed the interaction and couldn't help but look at Vicrul in an amused way. It was always funny to him that Vicrul acted so earnest and innocent, while also being incredibly loyal to the mob and doing terrible things to keep it that way.

"They should be here any minute." Kylo informed Vicrul, leaning over you to talk to him after he checked his phone to see when their partners were going to arrive.

Vicrul gave him a short nod before waving Kuruk over to tell him to let the rest of the Knights know that they should be ready.

You found yourself growing a nervous pit in your stomach, unsure what you were about to be around to witness. You knew you just needed to sit there and mind your business but at the same time you were also so nervous that you would somehow fuck everything up.

Kylo's hand covered yours, noticing the way that you were instinctively bringing your thumb to your mouth to bite your nail in anxiety. "You're okay." He assured you, his lips by your ear. "We're going to have a few drinks with them then they'll transfer the money and we'll head out." He assured you.

You nodded, trusting him. "Then when we get home, we can try that thing we were talking about? With the rope I saw in your drawer?" You asked him, batting your eyelashes.

Kylo grinned, kissing you. "Mmm, that's fucking right, princess." His mind wandered, thinking about how you'd look tied to the bedposts of his bed and his lips were right back on yours, getting caught up in it.

"Kylo." Vicrul interrupted the two of you, standing up as he did so.

Kylo pulled away from you, noticing that their partners were walking into the room. He stood up as well, smoothing out his shirt, trying to get himself together and back at the task at hand after the way he just distracted himself.

You went to stand too, feeling rude sitting while everyone else was standing to shake each other's hands. But Kylo's hand gripped your shoulder, holding you down, obviously telling you that you could keep sitting.

You shrugged at that, taking a long sip from the drink in your hands, you wouldn't argue with that, it wasn't like you were dying to meet these men.

Keeping his grip on your shoulder, Kylo leaned over the table separating them to shake the hands of the men they were meeting with. There were four of them with one of them clearly in charge of the others. All of them were huge, tall and strong, and covered in tattoos. Although they were physically intimidating, Kylo's cockiness didn't falter for a second, the same smirk and look in his eyes as he greeted them. It didn't matter how much these men had on him physically, Kylo was still the boss.

Soon, they were all seated again and you, on instinct, emptied the rest of your drink into your mouth, feeling that same nervousness creep up.

Vicrul was on it in a second, refilling your glass for you before you even had time to attempt to pour your own. He sent you a wink, his way of telling you that you didn't need to thank him. He was your Knight as well, after all.

"I'm glad you found time to make it to the city." Kylo said to them smoothly, easily talking over the thump of the music.

The man across from him didn't share the same smile, in fact his glare hardened. "It was out of the way, but yeah, we're here." He said, hastily grabbing a drink from the waitress.

You sighed, piecing together the fact that this wasn't as smooth of a deal as Kylo assumed it would be. Really, these men lived a while away but Kylo refused to do this over the phone, it was too risky and he forced them to come to him, instead of the other way around.

"Well, now that you're here, enjoy yourself." Kylo told him, glancing over at one of the Knights who brought over a bag, drugs visible from the outside of it. You recognized that it was some of the coke that Kylo had brought home with him from his trip out of town, the same coke that he had done off of your ass. "That's all yours, for the trouble of traveling here." He informed him.

The man's glare softened at that, laughing at the amount of coke that was in front of him, not expecting it. The men to his sides, leaned forward too, pleased to see it. "Well, I suppose we could do that." He said, already forgiving Kylo for forcing them to make the trip.

Kylo nodded, relaxing in his seat at the way that he was able to lighten the mood. He put an arm around your shoulders, pulling you in closer to him while he spread his legs and took a sip from the drink in his hands. The man.

After the men across from you were given the drugs, the vibe of the entire room shifted into a lot less tense. Even you were more at ease now, feeling like you all really were just having a few drinks and enjoying yourselves.

You were left out of most of the conversation, which was to be expected. For once, you really didn't mind. It gave you the opportunity to see Kylo one hundred percent in his element. He was so confident and sure of himself, knowing just what to say to the other men to get them to listen to him and admire him.

You tried to imagine this cocky mob boss as the same man that had broken into tears just from you telling him that you would never hurt him. The same man who had walked around a fucking art store alone just to pick out paintbrushes for you. The same man who had previously begged you to stay with him and the same man who you were in love with.

Your heart sped up at the thought. Sometimes it was easy to seperate the two, you told yourself that you were in love with the soft, protective version of Kylo. But really, you were in love with this side too, even if you hated to admit it, the ruthless mob boss. They were the same man.

The thought made you put a hand on his thigh, wanting him closer to you.

He'd been in the middle of a conversation when you did so but he still, in between what he was saying, he leaned down and kissed you.

Your skin heated up at the contact and at the way that he was unabashedly being affectionate with you in public. You trusted him to know whether or not Hux would find out about this. Really, Kylo knew that these men didn't even know Hux existed, they would hardly be able to remember your face once they were done with all the alcohol and drugs in front of them, anyways.

"Well, we should get going." The man said, tipping the rest of his drink back into his mouth. He motioned to the man next to him to hand him something and you were able to see that it was a phone, "You ready?" He asked, holding the phone up, ready to transfer the money that he needed.

Kylo frowned slightly, it was a quick expression, but you were able to catch it. "Let me make sure..." He said, holding a hand up to stop the man then the same hand to motion over one of his Knights. 

Ushar came over, leaning over you so that he could whisper to Kylo. "The account isn't ready, we need like thirty minutes." His voice was nervous, knowing that wasn't what his boss wanted to hear right now.

Kylo growled under his breath, giving Ushar a look that you were thankful wasn't directed towards you. "Hurry the fuck up, they want to leave." He told him in a low voice, pushing him away as he did so.

Ushar scrambled away, trying to look composed as he straightened his tie, joining with the other Knights. You could see the way he was sweating now though, knowing that they had fucked up.

"Stay for one more drink?" Kylo suggested to the men, motioning the bartender over so that he could tell her to get one more round for all of them.

The men all talked to each other in hushed voices, trying to decide if that's something that they wanted to do or not. "One more." The man in charge said sternly. One meant one.

Once the men started their own quiet conversation again, you took the opportunity to look at Kylo. "Is everything okay still?" You asked him, trying to hide the nerves in your voice.

Kylo nodded to you but you could see the stress in his eyes. He ran a hand through his hair, jaw tensing. "We just need some sort of distraction. The drugs only kept them entertained for so long." He said softly, eyes dancing around the room as if to find something else he could give to them.

"Girls?" You asked, sitting up straighter. "You should get strippers in here or something." You said, head tilting towards the pole in the corner of the room.

Kylo thought about it, eyes moving towards the pole as well. It wasn't a bad idea, he had a feeling that it would be hard for these men to leave in the middle of a lap dance, who would be able to? He smirked slightly at the idea, bending down so that he could kiss you. "That's a good idea. He muttered.

You grinned at his approval, proud of yourself for actually being able to offer something useful in a situation where you had felt useless the entire time, just sitting there and sipping champagne.

When the bartender came over with drinks, Kylo stopped her, gently touching her hand as she handed him his whiskey.

You watched the way that her eyes lit up at the attention from someone as handsome and notorious as him and you ignored the way it made jealousy rise in the back of your throat. It wasn't that you thought Kylo was going to betray your trust but you just recognized the eagerness in her eyes, you felt the same way every time he touched you in public. You didn't like knowing someone else felt that way, even if it was for a second.

"Do you think you could have someone bring in some girls for my friends over there?" Kylo asked her, his voice smooth and convincing, "We're trying to show them a good time." He explained, noting the frowns on all of their faces.

The bartender sighed, biting her lip. "Um, I'm sorry, I can check but I think all of our dancers are busy tonight." She said. You could sense the hesitance in her voice, not wanting to be the one to give a mob boss bad news. Now your jealousy was replaced by pity, knowing how scared she probably was to have a conversation with Kylo while she was just trying to do her job.

You glanced back at Kylo and saw the dark look fall over his face, getting frustrated by his lack of options and the perceived incompetence of everyone around him. You realized you wanted to help him, not wanting to be put into the same category as everyone else who was disappointing him.

"You don't dance?" You asked her, pretending to be surprised, "But you're so pretty." You told her, confused.

Kylo squeezed your thigh, realizing what you were doing, trying to help him. Unlike everyone else, he wasn't irritated with you. You were so smart and doing your best for him, his heart soared.

The bartender blushed, pushing her hair behind her ear in embarrassment. "I do, actually. But we switch jobs throughout the week, I'm bartending tonight. I'm not allowed to dance on these nights." She informed you, buzzing with the compliment that she had just received in a room full of important people.

You pouted, looking at her innocently. Just like Kylo, you knew how to turn your charm on and this time was no different. You and Kylo really were good as a team, a power couple. "I've always wanted to know how to do it...You should show me some moves." You suggested to her with a charming smile, pointing towards the pole in the room.

The bartender faltered with the empty tray in her hands, wondering if it was a good idea. "I shouldn't. My boss would be upset." She said, glancing around as if she needed to see if her boss was watching.

Kylo knew exactly what you were doing now and he was so thankful. He reached into his wallet, pulling out a stack of hundred dollar bills and handing them to the bartender with a smirk on his face. "If your boss gets mad, I'll talk to him, alright?" He assured her and he was convincing enough for her to take the money from his hands.

"My girl's getting bored just sitting around, go play with her over there, hm?" He said to her, his voice almost seductive, as he motioned towards the pole.

The bartender froze, bills in her hand as she thought about it.

"What do you think?" You asked her, your voice matching the tone of Kylo's. "Do you wanna play with me?"

She took in a deep breath, looking down at the two of you. You were so gorgeous and so was Kylo and you were both looking up at her with these tempting looks on your faces, luring her in. She also thought about the money in her hand, way more than she'd ever get from just tips. "Okay." She agreed, giggling at how unexpected it all was.

Before you could stand up, Kylo grabbed your arm and pressed his lips against your ear. "You're my good girl." He told you, kissing your skin before releasing you. When you glanced down at him he was giving you an intense look that you couldn't quite place. Really, Kylo was just so proud of you. He was so thankful that he was in love with someone who was as quick on their feet as he was.

You sent Kylo a wink, feeling like you were floating from the praise he'd given you. You took the tray from the bartender's hands and set it down on the table before putting your own hand into hers and leading her towards the corner of the room.

You could feel the way that everyone's eyes were on the two of you, curious to see what two beautiful women were doing so close to each other. The previously grumpy and impatient men perked up now, having something to preoccupy their minds instead of the account that was taking too long to set up.

Kylo thought back to how he felt when he was on a business trip without you, how he felt like he did so much better when you were by his side. He was struck by that idea again, watching the way you took charge of the situation and tried to be a distraction for him. He wouldn't have been able to pull that off on his own. He swallowed hard, taking a long sip of his drink.

Kylo loved you so fucking much.

When the two of you got onto the small stage that the pole was on, you were both grinning and giggling like teenagers, buzzing from the attention you were getting from a group of such powerful men and from the way that you two were touching each other.

"Okay, show me something easy I could do." You told her, stepping away from the pole so she could show you.

She put a hand on it, walking in a slow circle, "You don't have to do much, you're hot so you could just stand there and men would throw money at you to get your attention." She teased you, hooking a leg around the pole and demonstrating how to swing around on it.

Across the room, Cardo was elbowing Ushar, "That's not supposed to distract you, keep working." He said, keeping the man on track.

Ushar rolled his eyes, groaning, "This is so unfair." He said to himself, fingers typing away on his phone so that he could get the account set up in time before the men gave up on it and left. How was he supposed to focus when there was a hot girl on a pole across the room?

Kylo watched as a few of the men across from him grabbed some more of the coke, inhaling it, and it made him smirk. That meant they were willing to stick around a little longer than originally planned, he assumed.

"Like this?" You asked, feigning naivety as you hooked a leg carefully around the pole and swung around on it, laughing as you did so. Honestly, you had done this to help Kylo but really, it was fun to interact with a girl this way. You were always with men, you were giddy from the female attention.

"Yes, you look good!" She complimented you, giggling in the same way that you were. "Here, try this." She suggested, showing you a different simple move. It didn't really matter what it was, as long as you didn't make a fool out of yourself.

Kylo was staring at you intently, taking in the way that you not only looked so sexy dancing in the way that you were but also how sexy you looked taking charge like this. You were pushing aside your nerves to assist him. He couldn't believe it, you were perfect for him.

For the next couple of minutes, you and the bartender did some moves on the pole. Mostly, it was just her showing you and then you doing a half assed, but attractive, attempt and then the two of you laughing and touching each other afterwards.

"Are you ready now?" The man across from Kylo asked, holding his phone up again, checking his banking to see if the money was ready to transfer over. As much as the guys with him had been enjoying the show, this man was still all business and he knew that this was taking too long, something was up.

Kylo sighed, his stare darting from you over to Ushar who was still furiously typing away at his phone and answering phone calls on his burner phone, trying to explain the situation to them, telling the other men who were working with them to hurry things up. "Soon." Kylo assured the man across from him, getting nervous that your cute little display wasn't doing enough.

You looked over at the group, noticing the frustration on Kylo's face and the irritation on the large man's across from him. You knew you needed to do more, something else to get their attention.

Your heart was thumping as you placed a hand on her arm, pulling her in closer to you. "I really wanna kiss you, do you wanna kiss me?" You asked her, licking your lips, trying to convince her with an alluring look on your face.

"Kiss you?" She asked breathlessly, her cheeks turning red at the thought of it. "Won't he be mad?" She asked, looking towards Kylo who was staring at the two of you again.

You laughed at her question. Would Kylo be mad that you were going to kiss a beautiful woman in order to cause a distraction to make sure that his deal was successful? You doubted it. "He likes to watch." You assured her, your hand moving to the side of her face.

"I want it." She assured you in a small voice, "But I don't usually do this." She added, blinking, nervous by her attraction to this random stranger and being surrounded by the fucking mafia, everyone watching her.

"Shh, it's okay. I'll take care of you." You told her gently before you placed a hand on her waist and pulled her in closer to you, pressing your lips against hers. Just like Kylo had felt earlier that day, you were initially surprised by the bitter taste of her lip gloss but pushed past that, instead focusing on the way that her lips themselves felt so soft against yours. It was so different than kissing Kylo.

Having your lips against hers, the girl in your arms practically melted, eagerly meeting your lips and putting her own hands on your hips. You noticed the small noises of pleasure she was making, overwhelmed by the danger of this situation and how much she was enjoying it.

"Holy shit." One of the men across from Kylo said, noticing what was going on. He was more than happy to sit back and watch the way this show played out, regardless of how long it took.

Kylo was trying his hardest not to be distracted himself by what you were doing. But fuck, it was so hot. All he wanted to do was rush over to that stage with you and wrap his arms around you from behind, joining in on the way that the girl was touching you all over your body.

The Knights were all sweaty, nervous messes in the back of the room, trying to finish this job before things got out of hand. And now they were also trying not to watch what you were doing, knowing that they would get too caught up in it.

"Someone record this shit for later or something, I can't watch." Ushar complained, practically whining as he looked up from the two of you to his phone in his hands, trying his best not to get side tracked.

"That must be tough for you." Vicrul teased him, leaning against the wall with his arms across his chest, blatantly staring at you two, not feeling the same pressure that everyone else was because his job hadn't been to set the account up in the first place.

"Okay, this has gone on long enough." The man across from Kylo said in an angry voice, standing up from his seat. "I need you to transfer that fucking money into my account or we're leaving and the deal is off."

Kylo stood up quickly, his hand going to his gun. "That's not for you to decide." He growled, finger on the trigger. "Sit back down and wait until we're done setting it up or we're going to have a problem, do you understand?" The politeness that Kylo was displaying earlier was out of the window now, pissed off about the entire situation. It wasn't hard, it should've been something so simple: money from one account into the other.

You opened one of your eyes, able to see what was going on from the corner of it. You watched the way that Kylo was holding a gun up to the men across from him. Not good. You pulled away from the girl, ignoring the way that she was visibly sad from the lack of contact.

The man didn't like the way that Kylo was talking to him and soon his gun was out as well, finger also on the trigger.

"Sit. Down." Kylo growled, holding the gun up in a way that would easily hurt the man if he decided to press down on the trigger.

Everyone in the room was silent now, watching what was going on. It even seemed like someone had lowered the music.

You moved away from the girl in your arms, making your way closer to the group, feeling helpless so far away and preoccupied with someone else. You felt like you were going to be sick. No matter how many times you saw Kylo in a dangerous situation, it didn't make it any easier.

"Stay back, princess, everything's fine." Kylo said to you, noticing the way that you were leaving the stage from out of his peripheral vision. He appreciated the way that you wanted to help, you wanted to be closer to see what was going on but he wanted to keep you safe.

The man across from him laughed at that, "Princess?" He sneered, shaking his head. "Maybe you should start calling her whore, that's what she was acting like." He said with a smug look on his face, thinking he got one over on Kylo. The coke must've gone right to his brain.

You stopped dead in your tracks, knowing that this wasn't going to end well now. Although his words didn't offend you, you really didn't give a shit what this guy thought and really, you kind of were acting like a whore. But you knew Kylo wouldn't take kindly to them.

And just as you suspected, Kylo didn't respond.

Instead, he fired the gun in his hands, the bullet hitting the man across from him directly in the leg, causing him to yell and fall to the ground.

Before you could fully process what was going on, you heard another gun fire.

Then, Kylo was on the ground, his white dress shirt covered in blood.


	31. Almost

It all happened so fast.

You had been initially surprised when Kylo pulled the trigger first. Using a gun in a public place, even if it was loud in the club and you were in the private room by yourselves, was never the ideal thing to do.

But then seeing Kylo crumple to the floor, a blood stain quickly collecting on the white material of his shirt, put you into complete shock.

You couldn't move at first, a statue in the midst of all of the chaos. You stared at Kylo, not believing it, allowing one of the Knights to grab you and move you behind him, shielding you as everyone started shooting at each other, protecting you. You didn't even register which of the Knights that it was. You only had one thing on your mind: Kylo.

You weren't sure how much time had passed until all of the men who had been there to complete the transaction, were dead on the floor and the Knight that was holding you back let you go because there was no threat left.

Instantly, you went right over to Kylo, collapsing on the ground next to him, "Kylo." You breathed, taking your head into your hands as you stared down at him.

The Knights were all scrambling around the two of you, getting together the workers who witnessed it all and cleaning up what they could. A few of them left to get the car ready for Kylo, knowing that they needed to act quickly.

Kylo's eyes were fluttering open and closed and you took in the way that his breathing was shaky, not in a clear rhythm. "I got shot. He shot me." He said to you, in just as much shock as you were currently. This deal wasn't supposed to go like this, it should've been so easy.

"Yeah." You agreed with him, letting tears fill your eyes now that reality was setting in. Kylo got shot. "You're okay, though. Everything's okay, Kylo." You tried to assure him.

Your eyes went down to the blood on his shirt and you felt like you were going to get sick when you saw how much of it that there was. You made sure not to show it on your face, not wanting to worry him. Without disturbing where he'd been shot and causing him any pain, you lifted his suit jacket, trying to see how much it had actually damaged him. You were no doctor but it didn't look good.

After saying the words out loud, that he was shot, you noticed the way that Kylo started panicking. The fear of the situation was setting in: he might be dying. He was breathing heavier now, hyperventilating and attempting to move into a sitting position so that he could look at the wound.

It made you start to cry, not just because you were scared that he might not be okay but because you were seeing him in such a vulnerable position. You'd seen him nervous before, maybe even afraid, but you'd never seen him like this. It hurt your heart and it made this so much harder. But you knew you needed to step up, he needed you right now.

"Kylo," You gripped his face slightly tighter, keeping him on the ground so he couldn't see how bad it was, "I know it hurts but you'll be fine, we're going to fix this, okay?" You told him, trying to assure yourself with your own words. 

Kylo was still squirming underneath you, trying to adjust to the pain and trying to calm himself down. This was not how he wanted to die. He didn't want to die at all...he wasn't ready to leave you yet.

"The car's here, the path to the back door is cleared out." You heard a voice come from behind you, Trudgen. "We gotta get him up." He told you, motioning for you to move away from him so that they were able to get to him.

You nodded, stealing one last glance at him before starting to move to your feet, you didn't have time to hesitate.

Kylo's weak hand searched for you, gripping your arm. You could feel him shaking against you. "Don't go." He begged, coughing slightly as he did so. His eyes were on yours, eyebrows knitting together in pain and desperation. "Please."

"I'm right here." You assured him, "We just have to get you out of here, okay? I'm not leaving you." You told him, trying to hide the way that his trembling hand on you was making you want to sob. Kylo was always so strong, physical pain never got to him. But this was different and it was terrifying to you.

Kylo wasn't convinced, only tightening the way he was grabbing onto you, tears pricking his eyes too. This couldn't be it. He wanted so much more time with you.

"Come on, man, we have to go." Vicrul was down on the ground next to you, sympathetically prying the man's hand from your arm. He sent you a look that told you to move before Kylo could grab for you again and you quickly stood up, wiping at your eyes.

Trudgen and Vicrul carefully put their hands underneath Kylo, lifting him from the ground and onto his feet. Seeing him standing made it more real for you, to see him how he usually was. Only this time the majority of his shirt was deep red and all the color was drained from his face.

Kylo's eyes were right on you as he shuddered in pain, wrapping his arms around the back of his men's necks so that they could help walk him out to the backdoor. He had a million thoughts running through his head, none of them good.

"Come with us." Vicrul told you, voice strained from the task of having to hold Kylo upright and walk with him towards the door.

You didn't need to be told twice, quickly trailing behind the three of them, wishing you could be more useful in this situation. Your stomach was in knots, it was all happening so quickly.

You all made your way to the back door, no one noticing the group of you due to the dark lighting and loud music, the alcohol coursing through everyone's veins. When you were all outside, the Knights helped Kylo get into the back seat of his car, laying down on the seats as much as he could.

"Can you drive a stick?" Vicrul asked you, wiping some blood from his hands off on his jacket.

You had to tear your eyes away from Kylo through the back window of the car. "Uh-it's been a while but yeah, I can." You answered him. The car you originally learned how to drive with had been manual, that's the car your dad drove. But you'd lived in the busiest part of the city for so long that you hadn't needed to drive in years.

"Good." Vicrul tossed you the car keys, making his way to the passenger door. "You're driving." He said simply, slipping into the seat, shutting the door behind him.

Any other time, you would've argued that you didn't know how to drive well enough to get you three anywhere but this was different you had to figure it out. You had to do it for Kylo.

You rushed over to the driver's side, slipping your high heels off as you sat down in the seat and tossing them over by Vicrul's feet, knowing you wouldn't be able to drive well with them on. You started the car, hand going onto the gear stick nervously, pressing down the clutch.

Kylo said your name softly, his voice strained from the pain he was experiencing. He tried to reach for you in the front seat but couldn't quite get to you and he dropped his hand, it hurt too much to strain towards you.

"I'm here, Kylo, we're bringing you home." You assured him. You felt a new surge of determination, knowing that you needed to get your shit together so that you could get to the apartment.

"Call the doctor, have him wait in the lobby for us." You ordered Vicrul, quickly yanking at the handbrake and shifting so that you could move out of the parking lot, honking at the drunk people who were getting in your way.

You sped onto the busy street, not even thinking about a speed limit or traffic laws because you could hear Kylo's groaning and labored breathing behind you and all you could focus on was getting him back and making sure that he would be safe. It had been a long time since you drove but it was coming back naturally now, just an extension of yourself because you could only focus on the man in the seat behind you.

On the phone, Vicrul told the doctor the seriousness of the situation, telling him that he needed to bring all the medical supplies that he had. He explained what happened with the least amount of incriminating details possible and where Kylo had been shot.

When Vicrul hung up, it was clear that the call didn't go well. "We gotta go to the hospital." He said to you in a low voice, not wanting Kylo to hear.

"What?" You hissed, glancing over your shoulder so that you could switch into the far left lane, knowing you needed to turn around if you were going to go to the hospital instead of your apartment building.

"It's too serious, he can't treat it at home." Vicrul muttered to you, shaking his head with a noise of frustration. You were all going to have to come up with a story of how it happened before you all got there, the cops were going to be involved now.

"Okay, it's fine. Everything's fine." You told yourself unconvincingly, speeding through a yellow light, ignoring the way that you felt like you were going to be sick.

"I'm gonna fucking die." Kylo groaned from the back seat, the panic still rising at his current situation. He was lying curled up in the back seat, gripping the leather and running his hand over the back window, leaving behind streaks of blood everywhere that he touched. "I'm gonna die in the back of my fucking car."

"No you aren't." Vicrul corrected him, looking back at him. "We're almost there, you're going to be fine, Ren, snap out of it." He said sternly, trying to hide his own fear. He'd never seen his boss like this, he was always the one assuring the rest of the Knights when they got hurt, Vicrul had never been in this position before

Kylo was covered in a thin layer of sweat and shaking. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this hurt. Although he felt like might not make it and there were a thousand things he should be worrying about if he were to actually pass away, he could only think about you. He said your name again, this time the sob leaving his chest as he did so, at the thought of leaving you behind. There was so much more he wanted to experience with you, it wasn't fair.

You let yourself start to tear up again too, hearing how helpless he sounded as he tried to get your attention. You reached a hand behind you, trying to find him in the back seat somewhere, trying to reach him.

Kylo lifted a hand up, gripping yours that was searching for his. You tried not to react to the warm sticky feeling against your skin, knowing he was covered in his own blood. "We're almost there, Kylo, just hang on, okay?" You told him, wiping quickly at your tears with your free hand, stopping them from clouding your vision.

Kylo said nothing now, instead he kept his hand in yours, comforted by feeling you close to him. He took in shallow breaths, finding it harder to breathe because of the throbbing feeling in his abdomen.

You were in a fog as you pulled up to the hospital, to the outdoor emergency room entrance, the red lights of the signs lighting up your car. Vicrul was instantly out of the vehicle, rushing inside the hospital so he could get assistance.

"No." Kylo whined behind you, seeing where you three were. "No, no, no, we gotta go home-fuck," He winced, shifting in the seat, "We gotta go, princess, I can't be here." He was muttering, stumbling over his own words, barely even coherent.

You turned in the front seat so that you could face him. "We'll handle everything. You can't go home right now." You told him, reaching back so that you could grab his hand again. Kylo was always cool to the touch but you noticed his coldness more now than before.

Kylo's blinking eyes met yours, twitching, lip quivering. "What if I don't make it?" He asked you, shuddering at the thought and front the agony he was in. He looked more childish and even innocent than you'd ever seen him, looking at you in a desperate panic.

Your mind went back to what he'd said to you before he left for his most recent trip. You had been sitting in his lap, helping him pack his bag when he admitted it: "For the first time I finally have something to come back home to." He said in a soft voice, squeezing at you as he did so. "I'm nervous..." He trailed off, "I'm nervous that I won't have that anymore."

Kylo had been nervous to just leave you for a night, not wanting to get hurt and be unable to come back home to you...this was no different, his worries were coming true.

You shook your head, you couldn't even think about it, Kylo dying wasn't an option. "You're gonna make it, Kylo, stop thinking like that." You said, not even realizing the tears spilling down your cheeks, wondering what would happen if Kylo wasn't able to get better.

He tilted his head back in pain and frustration, "Look at me." He coughed out, squeezing your hand to the best of his abilities. He couldn't tell if you were staring at him or not, his vision was fading in and out.

You were already looking at him, you couldn't bring yourself to look anywhere else but him and how he was doing. "What is it?" You asked him, moving in your seat so that you could get closer to him, not wanting him to have to speak louder than what was comfortable

"I have to tell you something." He said, his voice shaking as he looked over at you with widened eyes, blinking away some fearful tears that were formed in his eyes. He then let out a small sob, "I should've said it before...I-I should've told you all the time, fuck. I wasted so much time-" He was rambling now, losing his train of thought because of how much he was panicking.

"Kylo." You interrupted him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, "What is it?" You repeated, wanting him to tell you instead of rambling and freaking himself out even more. You weren't convinced that he even had anything to tell you, he was so out of it at this point, you assumed he might just be talking nonsense.

You glanced over at the doors of the hospital and saw Vicrul rushing out, hospital staff quickly following behind him, a stretcher with them.

You looked back at Kylo, "Talk to me, Kylo." You said gently, though your voice was rushed too, knowing that there wasn't much time left that you two would be able to talk to each other.

Kylo could barely think, he was barely awake. And what he was going to admit to you made him hesitant and nervous, no matter how much he meant it and how much he wanted you to know. He said your name in a cautious way, staring at you, "I just...I need you to know..." He trailed off, losing his breath, before continuing, "I lo-"

Kylo's statement was cut off, the doors of his car being yanked open and the previously silent interior being filled with shouts and urgent directions.

You watched as the nurses began helping Kylo out of the car, assisting him to lay on top of the stretcher while they started assessing the damage, talking to each other in quick voices, being efficient.

You were out of the car as well, bare feet on the pavement as you did so. "Kylo." You said, moving closer to him, ignoring the way that the workers were telling you to back up. You had a feeling about what he was going to say to you...He had been so close.

'I love you'

You needed to hear him say it, you had to. What if he didn't make it and you never had the chance again?

"Kylo!" You yelled, jogging after the stretcher that they were beginning to wheel into the building, wanting to be close to him again so that he had the opportunity to tell you.

"Ma'am, please stay back." A nurse said, waving you away with her hand, just trying to do her job to the best of her ability. 

You ignored her, without even really meaning to, your mind was just focused on the man that they were transporting inside.

In a rush, Vicrul was in front of you, grabbing you by your shoulders so that you weren't able to chase after them in the way that you were trying to. He understood how much you wanted to be with him but he also understood that they needed to do their job without distractions to make sure that Kylo was safe. He was also completely oblivious to the admission Kylo had almost made to you as he told you, "Come on, let them take care of him."

You yelled Kylo's name again, standing on your toes to see clearly over Vicrul's shoulder. But the automatic doors were already sliding shut and it was just the two of you now outside, Kylo being wheeled away on the inside.

"God dammit." You groaned, hands in your hair in frustration. You had been so close, he almost said it to you, it wasn't fair.

Vicrul grabbed your hands, holding them securely. "Look, let's move the car and get into the waiting room, they're going to fix him and it's all going to be okay." He told you, trying to assure you. He had no idea that you weren't only worried about Kylo's safety but also about the fact that you felt like you'd missed your one opportunity to share your feelings with him.

You nodded, trying to pull yourself together as you numbly walked towards the car, ignoring the small bits of rock you were stepping on with your shoeless feet, it didn't even matter. You couldn't stop thinking about the look on Kylo's face before they put him on the stretcher...

You'd been in the hospital waiting room for hours now and it was torture. You hadn't heard any news about Kylo yet and you weren't sure if that was a good sign or a bad sign.

At some point, Ushar joined the two of you and brought a bag of clothes for all of you to change into since you and Vicrul had been drawing a lot of attention from everyone around you in your fancy dress clothes covered in blood. You already had enough on your mind, having to deal with everyone's stares and whispers hadn't been exactly helpful.

You had to attempt to wash Kylo's blood from your skin in the bathroom and now you were as clean as you could've been considering the circumstances, sitting in a pair of Ushar's sweatpants and t-shirt, head in your hands and foot tapping against the floor anxiously.

You felt Vicrul's hand on your back, gently rubbing you there, trying to make you feel better. You all had been silent for the past hour, not knowing what to say to each other. Vicrul could sense that you needed something to distract you, a moment where you weren't thinking about Kylo. "Me and Jessica broke up." He informed you, continuing his motion against your back.

As random as the statement seemed, you were thankful for it, it gave you something to preoccupy your mind from the current situation. "Really?" You asked him, sitting up straighter so that you could look over at him.

He shrugged, "Yeah." He said simply, not thinking it was a huge deal, or at least pretending that he didn't. "I'm pretty sure she was cheating on me." Vicrul explained, moving his hand away from you now that you weren't bent over with your elbows on your knees.

You furrowed your eyebrows, "But you cheat on her all the time. What's the difference?" You asked him. You really appreciated the fact that he was here with you, he was so easy to talk to compared to the other Knights, you genuinely liked his company.

Vicrul laughed, the first time either of you had cracked a smile since you'd been at the club, before any of this happened. "I didn't cheat on her." He said, his tone saying 'duh'.

You gave him an incredulous look, thinking back to everything the two of you had done together.

"You mean with you? No, come on," He asked you, grinning, "I've never even kissed you." He said. You could tell that he genuinely believed that the sexual acts you two had been a part of didn't count as cheating.

You raised your eyebrows, unable to stop the breathless chuckle from leaving your chest. It was mind blowing to see the intricacies of Vicrul's personality. He was so sweet and thoughtful, he was insightful and emotionally intelligent. But at the same time, he was so oblivious and god knows the things he did for the mob when you weren't around to witness it. 

"I'll just say that if I found out Kylo was doing the same things me and you did, with another girl...I'd cut his balls off." You said to him, shaking your head at the thought of Kylo touching another girl behind your back, even if there wasn't sex or kissing directly involved.

Vicrul smirked, being reminded of how similar you and Kylo really were even if you hated to admit it. "I believe that." He told you honestly.

You didn't really hear Vicrul's response because the mention of Kylo made you feel sick again and you felt tears prick at your eyes, imagining his face as he laid on the ground of the private room in the club, the sound it made when he was hit with the bullet...

Vicrul saw the way that you were beginning to break down and he cussed under his breath, he hadn't meant to make the situation worse, he'd just been trying to help. "So, if you have any hot single friends, you should let me know." He said, attempting to lighten the mood and distract you again.

You quickly wiped at your eyes, not wanting him to see the way you had started to fall apart again. You knew he was trying hard to make you feel better and you didn't want him to think that his attempts were useless. You actually thought about it for a second. You really didn't have any friends, let alone hot single ones that would be good enough for Vicrul.

"A hot single friend? I do have one, actually." You said, biting the inside of your cheek to hold back your grin as you motioned across the room, "There he is." You said, pointing to Ushar who was currently shaking a vending machine, attempting to get more bags of chips from it, as if he didn't have a stack of money in his pocket to pay for them.

"Jesus." Vicrul laughed, watching the way that Ushar began yelling at the machine, kicking at the side of it because he hadn't been able to loosen anything enough to fall into the bottom. "I don't think he's my type." He joked and you couldn't help yourself from joining him in a small bit of laughter.

"Fair enough." You said, your laughter dying down when you remembered where you were and why you were there.

"So, what's our game plan?" Ushar asked as he made his way back over to the two of you, plopping down on the seat next to you and opening a bag of chips that he had actually paid for.

"I don't know how this works...I don't know what would be the best story but I was thinking, couldn't we just say that we were at the club and there was a driveby shooting when we were leaving or something?" You asked, looking between the men on either side of you as they thought it over.

"We were in a big group and Kylo was the one who got shot, the valet already had his car pulled up so you drove him here right away..." Vicrul muttered to himself, trying to piece it together.

"Yeah, that works...Let's go with that. The liquor store down the street from the club owes us," Ushar interjected, sitting up as the ideas were coming to mind, "I'll get a few workers to say that they heard the gunshot. I'll have someone go talk to the valets and club owners about being witnesses too. The evidence in the private room is already gone" He said, already pulling his phone out to do so.

"What about the workers who were in the room with us?" You asked him, wanting to make sure you weren't forgetting any loose ends. Usually, it was Kylo's job to keep everything together.

"Gone." Ushar said to you simply before he got up from his seat, going outside so he could make the phone calls in private. "Be right back."

'Gone', you repeated to yourself. You tried to act casual as you thought about what it meant. The bartenders, the security guards, everyone who had been involved was dead. You tried not to think about how nervous the girl had been that you kissed, how hesitant she'd been about everything and how the Knights had to shoot her to make sure word didn't get out.

You started spiraling, feeling guilty that you pulled her onto the stage with you. Maybe she would've been in a different room if it hadn't happened, serving drinks in the main room of the club instead.

"Don't do that." Vicrul told you, seeing the way that your eyes were blank and the color was draining from your face. "It's not your fault." He assured you. He was used to it by now, the innocent strangers that lost their life because of the mob, but it hadn't been easy in the beginning. Vicrul knew now that it was just the way this life went, nothing was lawful, nothing was fair.

You were going to argue with him but then you noticed the way a doctor was making his way towards you two with a clipboard in his hands, looking it over as he got closer.

"You're here with Mr.Ren, right?" The doctor asked, before holding his hand out and introducing himself, explaining that he'd been the one to perform Kylo's emergency surgery.

As guilty as you'd been feeling a moment ago, your thoughts were now only preoccupied with Kylo's safety and to hear how the surgery went. 'He's okay, he's okay,' you repeated in your mind over and over again, desperately trying to manifest the doctor into saying it.

"He was extremely lucky to get here when he did, actually he was very lucky in general." The doctor explained, eyes scanning over the chart in his hands. He explained to the two of you that the bullet hadn't pierced any of his vital organs, instead it had entered and exited by his side. The amount of blood had been due to the tissue that had been lost but besides a scar, it wasn't going to leave any permanent damage. The doctor explained a few more details but you weren't listening, you were so caught up in the fact that it sounded like he was alive.

"He just woke up a few minutes ago. He's in stable condition and he's ready for you guys to come back and see him." The doctor informed you, giving you both a small smile, looking just as relieved as you felt. It had probably been extremely nerve wracking to have a mob boss's life in his hands, knowing the potential risks he was getting himself into.

You started crying again, for what felt like the thousandth time that night. But this time they were happy tears. 

Kylo was okay. 

Kylo was laying on his hospital bed, trying to ignore the constant beeping coming from the heart monitor next to him, it was just making his head hurt worse. He hated being here, he felt so exposed and vulnerable under the fluorescent lights and having to rely on strangers to keep him alive.

But he couldn't deny the fact that he was so grateful to even be alive right now.

As he bled out in the back of his car on the way here, Kylo really thought that he was going to die, the doctor told him that he almost did. He'd had close calls in the past but nothing that hurt as badly as that did.

It was also the first time he had something to live for. Watching you take control of the situation and drive him here while comforting him the entire time, made him realize how he wasn't ready to leave you. Not even close, he needed to experience so many more things with you.

You were practically jogging down the long hallways, wanting to get to Kylo and see him, to make sure for yourself that he was actually okay. When you reached his hospital door, the numbers outside of it matching with the ones the doctor gave you, you gently knocked.

"Come in." Kylo's raspy voice called out, swallowing hard at the hope that it was you on the other side of it and not another nurse coming to check on him.

You glanced over at the men at your side and Vicrul gave you nod, his way of telling you to go ahead. Him and Ushar would let you two have some alone time.

As you opened the door, you froze when you saw him. Kylo was propped up in bed, a hospital gown on and hooked up to various machines. You could tell that they'd attempted to wash his blood off of him to the best of their abilities but there was still some red by his forehead and on his arms. He looked so emotionally small and exhausted.

Kylo was frozen too as he caught sight of you, the beeping on the monitor next to him speeding up just slightly. The second he realized he'd been shot, he could only think about you and how he needed to pull through to be with you, he couldn't die and leave you behind. And now you were here in front of him again and he was alive and he wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve something so fortunate.

You made your way over to him, shutting the door behind you. 

"Hi, princess." Kylo said to you softly, a smirk entering his eyes that let you know that it was really him, this was the Kylo you were familiar with as opposed to the helpless injured one you'd been with earlier. "I made it." He said to you, trying to hide how emotional it made him to be reunited with you.

"You did," You grinned, too excited and too tired to wipe away your tears, "I told you that you would." You said to him, looking him over. You wanted to touch him, you wanted to crawl on top of him and hold him tightly to you but he was hooked up to so many machines and was in such a fragile state you knew that was far from an option. 

Kylo noticed the way that you were staring at him and it made him embarrassed, not enjoying being exposed like this, even when it was with you. "Will you still wanna be my girl if I have a big nasty scar?" He asked you, trying to lighten the heaviness of the room.

You chuckled, through your tears, nodding. It was usually your job to resort to humor and it warmed your heart to see Kylo do it right now, taking a page from your book. "I love your scars, Kylo." You told him honestly, unable to help yourself from reaching out and placing a gentle hand on his cheek, thumb running over the faint scar on his face. "I was so scared." You admitted in a quiet voice.

"Me too." Kylo admitted, his bottom lip twitching, almost trembling before he got control over it. 

The two of you stared in the other's eyes, both of your minds going in the same direction. You were so thankful to still have each other. Your situation wasn't perfect, far from it, but you were in it together.

"Come here." Kylo muttered, wanting you close, not wanting you to see the way that his eyes were glistening himself.

You carefully did as he said, making sure to lean over in a way that didn't put any pressure on him but instead on the mattress below him. You broke eye contact only to shut your eyes and kiss him, instantly sighing against the familiar feeling.

Kylo hummed against your lips, cursing himself in his mind when he felt a few tears leave the sides of his eyes. He knew it before but after his near death experience, it was very clear to him that he was in love with you and needed you.

"Don't ever try to leave me again." You mumbled against him, "Please." You added, your voice cracking slightly at the thought of having to go through that again. A part of you knew that he couldn't promise you that it wouldn't happen. His whole life was built around this dangerous risk but you needed his reassurance right now.

"I won't, I'm here." He told you, trembling, kissing you again to hide how overwhelmed he was. There really was no way that Kylo could tell you that he'd never end back up in a hospital bed but after tonight, he was going to be so much more careful, he couldn't put either of you through that again.

When you pulled away, you noticed the way that Kylo had been tearing up and you averted your eyes, knowing better than to make him aware that you saw. You knew he already felt so raw after everything he'd been through tonight, you didn't want to make it worse to acknowledge his emotions that he tried so hard to hide away.

Instead, you grabbed for a seat against the wall and pulled it up closer to the side of his bed, taking a seat on it and putting your hand against his arm, not wanting to disturb the monitor that was hooked up to his finger by holding his hand.

"What are we telling the cops?" Kylo asked you, wiping his eyes discreetly on the material of the gown on his shoulder, trying to get back to business and talk about things that made more sense to him.

A part of you felt proud that he was asking you, trusting you to have come up with a plan while he'd been in surgery. In a hushed voice, you told him about everything he'd missed, what the story was that everyone was sticking to, the fact that everything was taken care of.

Kylo couldn't take his eyes off of you as you spoke to him. You've adjusted to this life so well and so quickly, like it was where you were supposed to be. It made him satisfied but at the same time, a part of him felt so guilty...His goal from the moment he met you was to break you and corrupt you and he'd done so successfully...He felt the weight of reality, he brought you into his difficult dangerous life. He'd been so selfish to drag you into this with him.

Kylo snapped out of it, physically shaking his head a little to get those thoughts out. He glanced at the IV drip and decided that whatever painkiller he was currently on was making him emotional and making him overthink everything.

"You okay?" You asked him, concerned, noticing the way he seemed to be spacing out in the middle of your explanation.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He told you sadly, giving you a hint of a smile.

A knock on the door stopped you from questioning it anymore. After Kylo told whoever was on the other side to come in, you glanced over to see Vicrul peeking his head inside.

"We have company." He said, voice clearly irritated and soon, he was moving out of the way.

Officer Poe Dameron walked into the entrance of the hospital room, a determined look on his face as his eyes went to you and Kylo huddled close to each other. "You're alive." He said to Kylo, not even trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

"I haven't even been awake for an hour and you're already here to question me?" Kylo asked, glaring daggers at the officer, "Must be a slow night at the police station. Not enough unarmed civilians to terrorize on the streets?" He asked him sarcastically, not intimidated even the slightest bit by the badge on the man's chest.

Poe ignored the jab, shaking his head. When the cops and detectives on the mob's case heard about Kylo being at the hospital, they all sprang into action. This was the best early Christmas gift for them, a chance to catch Kylo Ren in the middle of a crime. "If you want some rest, I can talk to her first." He said simply, pointing at you.

You frowned, glancing between the two men. You knew you were going to be questioned but that didn't mean you were thrilled for it to happen. "Fine by me." You said, hoping you sounded more brave than you felt, wanting to give Kylo some time with Vicrul and Ushar before Poe was alone with him.

You stood up from your seat, staring at Kylo in an assuring way, wordlessly telling him that you had this under control... at least you hoped you did.

Kylo watched you, feeling the same sense of responsibleness. As much as he loved seeing you be able to handle this, he hoped that it was for the best. He hoped he didn't completely ruin you in the way that he was ruined.

As you exited the room and followed Poe's lead down the hallway, Ushar and Vicrul both gave you nods and winks of encouragement, trying to hype you up so that you didn't blow everyone's cover, including yourself. 

Poe brought you to an empty hospital room and you had the biggest urge to run right out but he had the door shut behind you and you knew that this was it, you were going to have to do this.

"You and Ren, huh? I guess I should've seen this coming." Poe commented, a judgemental smirk on his face. He had seen the way you had been holding onto Kylo's arm when he had previously walked into the room and the protective way that Kylo stared at you as you left. It was part of his job to be perceptual and you two dangled it right in front of his face.

"You don't know what you're talking about." You said to him, mouth set in a straight line of annoyance.

Poe didn't react to your denial, expecting you to react that way. "I'm sure it must be difficult for you...I mean, considering the fact that you're engaged to another man." He said, getting out his small notepad from his pocket, "I see you aren't wearing the ring. That's a shame, I was curious to see what it looked like."

You had to take a deep breath to stop yourself from getting angry and making this situation so much worse. You had such a rough night and being judged by this man who had already put you through so much trouble, was setting you off. "You're here to question me about what happened tonight, not about my sex life, right?"

"Right." Poe agreed, getting out his pen. He sent you a look and he didn't need to share what he was thinking. Your relationship with Kylo could easily be used against you if you wanted to continue to hide it from Hux. "So, tell me about your night leading up to arriving at the hospital." 

You ran him through all the events that you and the Knights decided on, the same ones that you shared with Kylo. You made it as vague as possible while still seeming realistic, not wanting to say something small and insignificant that went against anything either Vicrul or Ushar had shared with him.

When you were finished, Poe looked discouraged as he clicked his pen. "Somehow that checks out..." He muttered, shaking his head. He had been so hopeful that Kylo getting shot would've been enough to throw you all off, giving him an excuse to press charges against the mob, even if it had been for something small like drug use. But so far, there was nothing. He was at a loss.

You shrugged, pretending to look irritated with his surprise instead of relieved. "It's almost as if it's true, right?" You said to him, reacting in the same way you would if it actually was true.

Poe stared at you, narrowing his eyes with a frown. "You know, we've worked together in the past but all the information you gave us lead us to nothing." He said accusingly. "Considering your engagement to Armitage Hux and your connection to Ren, you're going to become a person of interest in this operation instead of a potential ally. Do you understand?"

You kept your expression even as you realized the implications of that. At some point, your face could be on the news, connected to some terrible crime that the mob was involved with. As much as you hated the idea, you knew you were too far gone. Even if you wanted to, you could never leave Kylo. "I understand." You told him softly.

Poe sighed, rubbing his chin as he thought all of this over. You seemed so much less jaded when he spoke to you in the past. Clearly, you'd been through a lot since then and although he knew it was because of choices you've made, he couldn't help but feel protective over you. He was protective over anyone he thought he could save. "Okay, well you're free to go, you can tell Ren I'll be with him in a few minutes."

You nodded, going to the door. As you grabbed the handle to turn it, Poe said your name. You looked over your shoulder at him.

"He's going to get you killed." Poe said to you bluntly.

"That's a bit dramatic." You smirked, trying to hide how much that statement made a wave of nausea roll through your body.

"It's the truth." Poe said, not finding your comment funny, he was serious. "The only way you'll get out of this life is death, whether at his hand or not."

You said nothing, knowing it was true. You felt like you were in trouble, like you had gotten caught doing something you shouldn't.

"Everyone in Kylo Ren's life dies, you won't be any different." Poe wasn't judgmental now, he was sympathetic.

"What are you talking about?" You played dumb.

"Do you know about his family?" He asked, "Do you know how his parents died?" He added, tone more passionate at the mention of them.

You thought back to what Kylo had told you about his mom, she killed herself he said, but he never mentioned his dad. And you didn't have that many details about his mom either. You were reminded of Snoke and how he pointed out the fact that you knew nothing about Kylo's past.

You wanted to tell Poe that you knew already but you couldn't. You found yourself shaking your head, "I don't."

Poe nodded slowly, assuming that would be your answer. He gave you a look of pity. "You should look into that."

You couldn't take it, you opened the door and quickly exited, not wanting to be around something that was making you question everything the way Poe just had. 

On your walk back to Kylo's room, you calmed yourself down, not wanting to worry anyone or seem suspicious. You had been through enough today, you were going to pretend that Poe didn't say any of that, you'd worry about it later.

You took a deep breath, steadying yourself, before you opened his door.

Entering his private room, all of the eyes went to you. Vicrul and Ushar were sitting on the couch against the wall while Kylo was, unsurprisingly, still propped up in bed.

"How'd it go?" Kylo asked you, watching you as you took a seat back next to him, in the same spot you'd settled in before Poe interrupted you two.

"Fine. I handled it. He's going to talk to you soon, Kylo." You said casually but you had a wide smirk on your face, not being able to hide the fact that you were pleased with yourself for not only coming up with the story on your own but also not cracking under the pressure of retelling it.

"That's my good girl." Kylo said to you, his smirk matching yours. He watched you talk to Poe on the phone before, repeating all of the false info he fed to you. He knew that you'd be able to handle his questions, you were so much stronger now, even.

"She really handled everything tonight." Vicrul complimented you honestly. "She's the one who drove you here and the one who came up with the story, she kept her cool throughout all of it."

Kylo was looking at you the entire time Vicrul spoke, his mind going back to all the ways you really had taken care of him and this situation tonight. He was so proud of you.

"She's a keeper." Ushar agreed, somehow still eating from the bag of chips he'd gotten in the waiting room.

You were embarrassed by the rush of praise and from the affectionate way that Kylo was staring at you. "Maybe you should make me a 'made man' then, let me into the family. I'd do a better job than half of the troopers you have." You joked, trying to deflect.

Kylo laughed at your joke but a part of him knew that it was true. Women weren't allowed into the mob, it was something that had never been done before in their particular organization but compared to half of the men that he had working for him, you were far more capable.

"Why would you want to be one of us when you have the best title already?" Ushar asked, balling up the now empty chip bag and tossing it into the trash can, making it in. "The mafia's princess." He clarified with a cheeky grin.

You groaned at the title, wishing you had a wrapper or maybe something more substantial to throw at him. Really, you were so annoyed with his statement because of how happy it really made you feel. It gave you a rush to be known as Kylo's princess, as stupid as it was.

"Stop it." Kylo said in a warning tone, not wanting Ushar to embarrass you but he had a grin on his face as well, finding the entire thing amusing and honestly sort of endearing to see you get all worked up over their compliments.

Soon, there was a knock at the door and everyone was aware of who was on the other side of it, exchanging a look of irritation. 

Poe had questioned Kylo over the next twenty minutes, making all of you leave the room for it. Kylo's story thankfully matched up with the three of yours. It was satisfying to see Poe leave as disappointed as he had.

You decided to stay overnight in the hospital with Kylo, not minding that you'd have to sleep on the uncomfortable couch to do so. You didn't want him to be alone. And as much as he protested against it, you saw the way he visibly relaxed when you sent Vicrul and Ushar away for the night so that you could stay with him.

The two of you had been watching the news for a few minutes, holding his hand while you sat next to his bed. There were no reports of anything mob related for once and you were thankful, you had enough of that tonight to last you a few lifetimes. It was the first time you two had been alone all night since you first saw him.

You glanced over at Kylo, noticing the way that he was beginning to fall asleep, the dark room only illuminated by the dim light of the screen in front of the two of you. You were tired, you couldn't even imagine how exhausted he must be, you were surprised he was even still awake.

You thought back to what happened right before he got taken into the hospital, what he almost admitted to you.

"Kylo," You said softly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Hm?" He asked, glancing over at you for a moment before his eyes shut again.

You tensed up, not expecting him to be awake enough to respond. You took a deep breath, trying to piece together how you wanted this to go. "I want to tell you something."

Kylo yawned, nodding, shifting in his bed to get more comfortable. "What is it?" He asked, voice mumbling and deep with sleep.

You bit your lip, "I think you wanted to say it earlier but you didn't have time...I just wanted you to know that I feel the same way." You rambled, suddenly becoming nervous at the idea of saying the three little words out loud.

He couldn't process what you were saying, it was too much and he kept drifting off, pitch changes in your voice pulling him out of his sleep for just a second.

You frowned. A part of you knew this was a bad time but you had been so upset at the thought that you might lose him before you ever told him and you didn't want to ever feel that way again.

"Kylo..." You started, squeezing his hand. You looked over at him.

He had his eyes shut, mouth slightly parted and from the way he was audibly inhaling, softly snoring, you knew that was asleep.

"I love you." You said to him in a quiet voice, unable to stop yourself. It didn't even matter if he couldn't hear it, you had to say it.

Kylo was oblivious, almost already in a deep sleep due to how much his body needed it to recover after the trauma he'd been through over the past several hours. He had no idea. If he had known you were going to admit that to him, he would've never let himself fall asleep.

You untangled your fingers from his with a sigh, leaning over to kiss his forehead gently before you made your way over to the couch, settling down on it. You hoped you had the balls to say it to him when he was awake, if he didn't bring it up himself. 

You had been so close. Almost.


	32. Monster

Although he'd never admit it, not even to you, Kylo Ren was a big baby.

And you had been doing such a good job taking care of him.

It had been a few days since he came home from the hospital and although there were a couple of times when you had to convince him to let you do things for him like helping him take a bath or cleaning his apartment for him, Kylo was starting to get comfortable with having you around in this way.

When he was released from the hospital, you'd been thankful but not surprised that Kylo's car had been completely cleaned. You weren't sure which Knight had the unfortunate job of scrubbing Kylo's dried blood from the seats and windows, but you were glad that you didn't have to worry about the cops seeing it while you drove him home.

The doctors told Kylo that he really shouldn't be leaving the house until he was healed. Considering his line of work (which they conveniently avoided talking about), it wouldn't be smart to put himself out there while he was so vulnerable. Kylo was pretty much stuck inside his apartment and you'd been doing your best to make sure that he had what he needed.

Digging the key to his apartment out of your purse, you shifted around the bags in your hands, trying to hold onto everything as you put the key into the lock and opened the door. "It's me." You called out as you entered the apartment.

It was pretty remarkable that this was just something you did now. You didn't find it weird to just walk into Kylo's apartment unannounced whenever you wanted. You two had come so far.

"I'm on the phone." You heard Kylo yell back in a distracted tone from his bedroom.

You made a face of 'oops', as you set the bags down on his counter, taking off your coat in the process. You hung it up on the hook by his door and took off your shoes, trying not to get the water from the snow outside all over his floor.

Quietly, you shuffled over to his open bedroom door, peering inside. He was propped up in bed, in his pajamas, his phone up to his ear and his computer on his lap. Since you brought Kylo home, he hadn't left the apartment, needing to lay low and heal for as long as possible. You could tell that it was driving him crazy, having to do all of his work from the confines of his bedroom and having to trust his men out there to do what he needed.

When Kylo noticed you, his eyes lit up, his lips twitching up in a smile. Although he hated being stuck inside all day, having you come over was his only highlight. He looked forward to your company, it was the only thing keeping him sane. Even if you just sat in bed with him and silently did your homework while he took a nap, he loved having you around. 

After you had his attention, you silently held up a bag of food, raising your eyebrows up as if to ask him if he wanted any of it.

Kylo nodded in response, giving you a brief thumbs up as he continued to talk on the phone, his fingers tapping away on his computer's keyboard. Months ago, he would've been embarrassed that you spent so much time taking care of him, bringing him lunch and keeping him company. But you two were so far past that now. It all felt so natural.

Kylo needed you.

You made your way back into his kitchen. You grabbed the tray that you'd been using to give him food in bed, the one that you bought for him when he first got home from the hospital and didn't have enough strength to make it to the dining room. You put the food that you bought for him on it as well as a glass of water. You carefully carried it into the room, balancing everything.

You didn't consider yourself a motherly person, you never had a reason to be one before. But something about seeing Kylo in such a weak position, when he was always so strong, filled you with the urge to help him.

Kylo couldn't help but smile to himself as he watched you walk into the room, cautiously holding the tray with his lunch on it. He moved his laptop out of the way so you were able to gingerly put it on top of his lap, making sure not to accidentally bump the edge of it against his wound.

"He was okay with meeting with you instead of me?" Kylo asked on the phone, "Did he give you a hard time?...Yeah, that sounds like him." He was focused on his conversation but at the same time, his eyes were trained on you, watching the way that you took the glass of water off of the tray and set it on his nightstand.

Kylo couldn't help himself, watching the way that you were leaning on one foot to set down the glass onto his nightstand, back arched just perfectly. He leaned over and slapped your ass and you jumped in response, slapping his hand away with a grin.

"Next time he tries that, just remind him of what happened to his brother, about that horrible accident that killed him." Kylo was choosing his words carefully on the phone, making sure not to admit to any crimes in case somehow, someone was listening. "We wouldn't want history to repeat itself."

You tried not to eavesdrop, not wanting to hear something that you shouldn't so you preoccupied yourself with straightening up his room, grabbing the empty cups he had and other various pieces of trash like balled up scratch paper he'd been scribbling on, meaning to go throw them away for him.

Kylo reached forward and grabbed your hand, stopping you.

You glanced over at him, assuming he was going to tell you to stop cleaning for him out of stubborn independence but then you saw what he was doing: staring at the engagement ring on your finger. The ring Hux gave you.

You frowned, trying to move your hand away so you could take it off but he kept his grip on you, looking it over. He turned your hand, letting it reflect in the light, seeing it from all angles, humming under his breath to whatever the man on the phone was saying to him. He had a soft frown on his face as well, taking in the way that your hand looked with another man's ring on it.

Glancing up at you sadly, he released your hand and relaxed back into the spot on his bed, talking about some meeting that he needed to schedule.

You took the opportunity to quickly leave the room, trash in hand, feeling guilty for letting him see it. You always made sure to take it off before you came over but you had your hands full when you walked in and it just slipped your mind. After putting the dirty cups in the sink and throwing away what you needed to, you took the ring off and zipped it into a pocket in your purse, hiding it away.

You walked back into his room and settled next to him on the bed, avoiding eye contact.

"Yeah, she's here... " Kylo replied on the phone, eyes on you, "No I'm not going to tell her that..." Kylo was irritated, clearly talking about you to whoever was on the other line.

Your eyebrows shot up, getting closer out of interest.

He paused, then, "Vic says hi."

"Hi." You smiled, talking loud enough so that Vicrul could hear you. If you would've known Kylo had been talking to Vicrul that entire time, you wouldn't have been so anxious about interrupting.

Kylo rolled his eyes at however Vicrul responded ("How much are you paying her to be your nurse again?") then said his goodbyes, hanging up.

"What couldn't you tell me?" You asked curiously, smirking, wondering what Vicrul could've said that Kylo didn't appreciate.

"He told me to tell you that you should hang out with him and Ushar today instead of being stuck inside with me." Kylo said, shaking his head at the words. Vicrul had been joking, he knew that, but still it made him self conscious. He wondered if a part of you did feel stuck with him.

You started laughing but it died off quickly when you saw that Kylo wasn't amused.

He was silent now, focusing on the food in his lap, mind preoccupied. He couldn't stop thinking about that fucking ring.

You were staring at what was playing on his television on the wall across from his bed. You weren't sure exactly what it was, some sort of history documentary, something you could easily fall asleep to. You felt guilty and you weren't really sure what to say, you never wanted Kylo to have to see you wearing the engagement ring so casually.

"It's not exactly your style." Kylo said finally, after swallowing that large bite of food that was in his mouth. He knew it shouldn't affect him as much as it just had. It was all temporary and it wasn't like you had any desire to actually marry Hux. But seeing the ring when he hadn't expected to, made his stomach drop. The thought of you wearing it around in public and everyone thinking that you loved someone who wasn't himself, upset him.

"It's not." You agreed, talking about the ring. It was a gorgeous ring, one that many people would die to own. But it was big and flashy and almost too shiny. It was as if Hux walked into the jeweler and asked them to give him the most attention grabbing ring they sold.

"I'd get you a ring that you actually liked." Kylo muttered, not even attempting to hide the bitterness in his voice. "You wouldn't want to take it off."

You couldn't help but stare at him in an amused way, stomach twisting in butterflies and in shame. It was sad that it upset him so much but in a way, pouty and jealous Kylo was also adorable. "I know you would, I always love what you pick out for me." You told him, turning on your side and propping your head up with your elbow so you could stare at him.

Hearing you agree with him, Kylo looked over at you in surprise, not expecting you to respond in such a sincere way, usually you would just joke around with him. His mind flashed to the idea of buying you a ring, what it might look like and how he'd give it to you. He shook his head slightly at himself, taking another bite from the sandwich you bought him to distract himself. Sitting around all day was making him too soft, apparently.

"Sorry, I usually take it off when I'm at home but I had someone's food to carry in." You said, smirking slightly as you nudged his leg with your foot. You told Kylo you'd bring him something to eat, since it wasn't like he could just go to the store and pick something up himself. Of course, he told you at least three times not to, that he'd figure something out. But you both knew he loved the idea of you bringing him lunch in bed.

You had spent the entire morning going over engagement party details with Hux at the restaurant you were throwing it at. It was all so irritating to you. You knew you had to keep up the appearance like you were going to marry him so that Snoke didn't suspect anything different but you hated having to pretend to be excited about what color the napkins were going to be or what kind of desert would be served. You really didn't give a shit and your mind kept going back to Kylo alone and stuck in the apartment.

Hux had questioned you about Kylo's injury the entire time as well which didn't help matters. You weren't exactly sure how Hux found out about Kylo getting shot, maybe Snoke was notified at this point, but somehow Hux had no idea that you were involved. Regardless, he wanted to know if Kylo was hiding away in his apartment, if you noticed a doctor coming to visit him, things like that. It was becoming more and more exhausting to play stupid.

Kylo's mind wandered to what you'd been doing before you got here. He knew that you were doing engagement party things with Hux and although it didn't bother him since it was all a facade, he still didn't like it. "I'm invited, right? To your party." He asked with a cocky grin, wiping his hands off with the napkin before setting the tray on his night stand, finished.

"No, you aren't." You said to him, cringing at the trouble he would cause if he showed up to the phony engagement party.

"What? Why not?" Kylo pretended to be offended, "You don't want me there? Will I ruin the romantic evening for you and Armie?" He said the name in a mocking tone, a stupid smile on his face as he settled lower into the bed.

"Kylo, no," You sighed, rolling your eyes. You were sure you'd be a complete asshole if you had to sit back and watch him pretend to be engaged to someone else but it wasn't like this was easy for you either. "I just want everything to go as smoothly as possible so we can get it over with."

That, and plus, there was the fact that Hux had looked at you and blatantly said, "Kylo Ren isn't invited", but you were going to choose to keep that to yourself to not get him worked up any more than he was.

"Come on." Kylo complained, "The second I'm not stuck in this bed, I'm going to kill him." He said simply, ignoring the way you tensed at how casually he was bringing that up. "I think I deserve one last night watching him think that he won. It'll make it so much more satisfying when he learns what we've been doing behind his back this entire time."

You narrowed your eyes at him, shaking your head. "You're so fucked up."

Kylo's grin didn't falter, "Yeah, I am. And you are too, princess." He said, motioning for you to come closer to him with his hand. His little mob boss.

You wanted to argue with him but you knew you couldn't. Even though the situation with Hux didn't bring you joy in the way it did for Kylo, you were a willing participant and that was just as fucked up. You scooted closer to him on the bed, putting your head on his shoulder. It was convenient that your side of the bed was the opposite of where he'd been shot, it allowed you to still cuddle up to him without hurting him.

"You look good." Kylo commented, looking you over, "I like that color on you." He said, hands running over the soft material of the shirt you had on, "And this. You look so sexy in my chain." He smirked, fingers running along his jewelry that was hanging on your neck. It was feminine enough that you could wear it without anyone questioning who it belonged to. You liked wearing it while you had to wear Hux's ring, it was a reminder of who you really belonged to.

You leaned up so that you could kiss him softly, sighing into the feeling. You had spent the morning with Hux having to put on a show for him and pretend that you were happy about the engagement. It felt so good to finally let your guard down and be yourself with Kylo, there was no pretending with him.

You were still very much aware of what you'd admitted to him in the hospital when he'd been asleep. You said, 'I love you', even though he hadn't been awake to hear it. It was always on the back of your mind, you were upset that you'd been braver there than you were in his apartment now. You hadn't been able to work up the courage to say it out loud to him again but you were always thinking about it.

"How do you feel?" You asked him, glancing down towards his side, "Can I see?" You asked, motioning towards the bandage that you knew was under his shirt. Thinking back to him in the hospital bed made you feel the need to look after him. You had been so scared when you were in the waiting room, you didn't want to go through that again.

"I'm fine." He told you, though that was how he always responded. Even if he was hurt, he wouldn't want to tell you because he wouldn't want you worrying and fawning all over him. But still, he lifted up the side of his shirt, showing you the wound that was covered by gauze and bandages.

You looked it over carefully. Honestly, you didn't know anything about what it should look like, but you made sure to check on it every now and then to see if there were any changes. Kylo's doctor, the one who had wrapped your ankle before, stopped by every night to check on things and he said he was healing up well. Kylo was resilient, he always bounced back quickly after injuries, even one as serious as this one had been.

"What do you think? I'll be okay?" Kylo asked you with an amused smirk. He knew that you didn't know what you were looking for. Even though he tried not to show it, he did love the amount of concern you had over him. Usually, when he got hurt, he had to take care of himself. Having you here made it all so much easier, he was so much happier.

"Looks good." You said, chuckling slightly at how unqualified you were to say so. You kissed him again, hand going to his cheek so that you could run your thumb over his scar. You really did love it, it was a reminder of how much he's been through, how much the two of you have been through together.

When you parted from him, the two of you shared a moment, locking eyes with each other. You both had spent the majority of your 'relationship' in turmoil, trying to push each other away. In moments like this, when it was just the two of you and you weren't trying to get the upper hand over the other, it all seemed so right. Everything was so much better when you gave in to each other and silently, the both of you were acknowledging that. This felt so good.

The way you were staring at each other was suddenly too much and you had to look away, pretending to pay attention to what was playing on the television.

Kylo continued to stare at you and he began running his finger tips over the side of your arm, taking in the small ways you reacted to his touch, the way that he could almost feel the goosebumps forming underneath the thin material of your shirt. He was completely oblivious to what you had admitted to him in the hospital, he had no idea that you told him you loved him. But as he looked at you, the same thought was running through his mind, he loved you and he was so grateful for you.

"It's almost Christmas." You said, interrupting his thoughts, glancing over at him for just a second before looking away again, he was so close and looking at you so intensely that it was hard to handle.

"Mm," Kylo murmured, a sound of uninterested agreement. He didn't give a shit about Christmas.

"I got you a gift..." You told him with a grin, poking his uninjured side gently, causing him to laugh at the feeling, pushing your hand away when he realized he was dropping his testy facade. "Doesn't that get you excited?"

Kylo shrugged, "That's very sweet of you but it's just another day, it's nothing to get worked up over."

Inside, he was thrilled that you thought about him and bought him a present, no one ever bought him gifts. As much as he didn't care about the holiday, that didn't mean that he didn't already have half of his closet filled with wrapped gifts for you. He wasn't going to miss out on an opportunity to spoil you.

You noticed his apathy and you frowned, "You don't like Christmas?" You asked, but you already knew his answer. The idea of someone as grumpy as Kylo being festive was comical.

"Why would I?" He asked, shaking his head, his turn to look at the TV instead of you out of discomfort.

You moved so that you were able to look at him easier instead of being so close to him. "I don't know...It's just a tradition I guess?"

Kylo was silent, thinking that over. "I can't remember ever celebrating it." He admitted.

"Really?" You asked, eyebrows furrowing together.

"I mean, I'm sure I did when I was really little but I don't have any memories of it." He said, keeping his eyes ahead. He didn't share much about his past with you and although this was just a tiny anecdote, it still made him uneasy to do so.

You thought about that, trying to imagine Kylo as a child. When you thought about him in his suit, gun in his hand and ordering men around, it was so hard to imagine him young. But then you thought back to the way he'd been staring at you, while he was bleeding out in the back of his car, and it became clearer.

"I don't really know anything about you." You admitted, biting your bottom lip with nerves, you knew this was a touchy subject.

Kylo sighed, he turned his head to look at you for a long moment before replying, "Maybe that's for the best."

Hearing him say that made your heart sink. You looked away from him, down at your hands and began picking at your fingernails, not wanting him to see how sad it made you. "Snoke was right." You mumbled.

Kylo's heart sunk in the same way as yours did, watching you. He knew that Snoke planted this idea in your head that you didn't know him the same way he did. Although it wasn't true, he wasn't doing a good job assuring you of that. He hated feeling like you two were just pawns in Snoke's game and he was playing into his hand right now by shutting you out.

He placed his large hand over yours, squeezing gently. "What do you want to know?" He asked in a quiet voice.

Your head perked up, surprised. "Really?"

Kylo didn't respond, instead he took a deep breath, squeezing your hand again. It wasn't easy for him to think back on his past or to talk about it but he cared more about you than his own comfort and it was time he showed that to you.

"I don't know, I want to know everything...your childhood, your family, how you got involved in this life," You motioned around at his beautiful apartment, "Whatever you want to share with me, I want to know." You told him in a rushed voice, nervous that he would change his mind if you weren't quick about it.

Kylo frowned, he had no idea where to start, he'd never done this before. He couldn't remember a time when he just talked about himself and what he's been through. "Be careful, but come here." He requested, patting his lap, wanting you closer to him if he were going to be so vulnerable with you.

You did as he said, being careful about where exactly you were touching him as you settled onto his lap, pressing against his uninjured side.

There were a few minutes of silence while Kylo held you, thinking about how much he wanted to reveal to you. He knew about your childhood, he knew your secrets. You knew none of his. He considered you his equal, someone he trusted, but he didn't do much to show that to you. It wasn't fair and he realized that.

He wrapped his arms tighter around you, leaning his cheek against your shoulder. "My grandpa..." Kylo started, uncomfortable with all of this, "Was a mob boss for a long time, he was the boss...Snoke was his underboss." He explained. "I'm sure you've heard the name Vader."

You rested against him, thrilled that he was opening up to you and letting you in. "I have." You admitted. You tried not to show your shock, Vader was infamous in your city, you were surprised you hadn't made the connection to Kylo before.

"While she was growing up, my mom hated this life...She hated that my grandpa brought her into such a dangerous situation. She had so many rules, she saw so many fucked up things...She hated the mob." He was looking ahead, staring at the TV, fingers running along your leg that he was holding.

"So, when she was old enough, she went against it. My mom started working for the cops and for the FBI. She gave them information on my grandpa and on the mob itself that really did some damage. She wanted to take the mafia down for taking her childhood away, I guess."

Your fingers were on his hand, rubbing his skin there gently as you listened, assuring him that he had your attention.

"Somewhere, along the way, she fell in love with my dad...My dad was a cop, the one in charge of taking down the mob actually." Kylo's tone was less stoic now, more sad at the mention of his father. You remembered the children's book that you found in Kylo's apartment, so long ago. The name inside of it had said 'Han Solo'...you were putting two and two together now, that was probably his dad.

"Anyways," Kylo sighed, pausing. This is where it got harder for him to talk about. "They had me, obviously, and while I was growing up...I could tell they were scared of me...They barely spent any time alone with me and when they did, it was like they were just watching me, they were making sure I wasn't like my grandpa."

You frowned, realizing that this information was beginning to get more personal. You weren't sure why your heart was going so fast but it was, you didn't think Kylo would ever open up to you like he was right now.

"I guess I never felt like they loved me. I'm sure they did but they never showed it, at least not that I can remember...It was always what I was doing wrong, always being compared to my grandpa, always talking about the mob and how they were so scared I'd turn to it...I don't know, you get compared to someone enough, it starts to happen." Kylo's eyes were down cast, a million memories rushing through his head.

He was thinking about all the times that his parents would catch him out too late and interrogate him, convinced that he was out running drugs for the mob or doing something wrong. All the times that they would stare at him and whisper about how they were worried about him. His stomach twisted, he never thought about these memories on his own.

"I started doing small things for the mafia as I got older, just to piss my parents off, really. My mom wanted to rebel against the mob and I wanted to rebel against my parents so I turned to the mob...When my parents found out, they didn't know what to do so they sent me away." Kylo leaned back against his headboard and looked over at you, "It was this boarding school that was supposed to teach me discipline and how to respect them, whatever, it was fucking boot camp...All it did was take away any joy I could've experienced as a teenager. My mom was just like her dad, she didn't even realize it, both of our childhoods got taken away from us."

You squeezed his hand, staring at him with wide eyes and hanging on his every word. It made sense to you. Kylo did have a lot of discipline, it was evident that he spent most of his life being forced to do so. He always got up so early, sometimes without an alarm. He had to work out every day, usually at the same time. You realized you hardly ever saw him relax, he was always trying to stick to a schedule. 

"When I got back, when I was eighteen, I think my parents assumed I'd be a different person. They were expecting me to come back from school and be the son that they always wanted, they didn't want to see my grandpa in me at all. But of course, that wasn't the case, I was still me, I was still just like Vader to them...They couldn't even look at me." Kylo was bitter now, thinking back on those memories.

He remembered how he'd gone downstairs in the middle of the night to get water and he heard his parents talking in hushed voices, huddled closely on the couch. He heard them talk about how Kylo couldn't be saved, there was nothing they could do to help him, they already lost him to the dark the second he was born.

"I spent so many years on my own at school, I was expecting something different when I got back..All I wanted was to feel like I had a family, I wanted to belong to someone and to feel..." Kylo trailed off, unable to say the word out loud. He wanted to feel loved.

You leaned forward and brushed some hair away from his face, running your fingers through it in a calming way. You were so grateful that he was sharing all of this, you didn't want him to start regretting it so you didn't push him to finish his sentence.

"My grandpa died while I was away and Snoke took his place as the main boss by the time I got back. While I was at my lowest, Snoke found me, he wanted me to join the mob to follow in my grandpa's footsteps..." Kylo hadn't even thought about this in years, it was making him feel sick. "He showed me this life...he called the mafia a family and he wanted me so badly to be part of this family...I didn't know how to say no, how could I? It's what I always wanted, to be a part of something."

You didn't realize the tears that were pricking the back of your eyes as you took in this information. You could imagine Kylo, years younger, searching for validation and praise and finding it in someone as evil as Snoke. It hurt your heart, you wished you could've been there for him, maybe things would be different now if you had.

"As you can imagine, my parents disowned me when they found out I was involved with Snoke." Kylo was looking away from you again, noticing how you were getting emotional and it was making him uncomfortable, it was making him feel too much too. "At the time, I didn't even care because I was so focused on pleasing him and making sure that I was doing a good job in his eyes. I did everything he asked me to, no matter how fucked up it was, because...I just wanted someone to be proud of me."

Kylo was blinking quickly and you noticed the way that his voice faltered at his last statement. This was difficult for him.

"I moved up the ranks quickly, I was just an errand boy, doing all the bitch work, at first. But in no time I was up there with men who'd been working for years. I was so dedicated to this life and Snoke was so happy about my hard work...He wanted me to be his underboss." He glanced up at you and you noticed the sad look in his eyes. "It was the first time someone had faith in me. Growing up, my parents were constantly telling me what was wrong with me and now suddenly, all of those wrong things were right and I was being praised for the darkness I had and being accepted for it..."

You always wondered how Kylo got caught up in this and what turned him into the boss he was today, it was as fascinating as it was heartbreaking to hear what actually happened.

"I just needed to do one last thing to prove to Snoke that the mafia was my real family." He was quiet now as he spoke, purposefully not looking at you. He was ashamed. "My father knew so much, he had so much information on the mob that the cops were using against them...In order to become the underboss, Snoke wanted me to destroy all the evidence that the police had on us...And he wanted me to kill my father."

You tried not to show your surprise to that statement, stopping yourself from freezing up in the way that you almost did.

Kylo's shoulders shuddered underneath you in emotion, so nervous to continue. He couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of you leaving him after this. He assumed you'd be disgusted with him.

You gently put your fingers underneath his chin so that he was forced to look back up at you. You could see the tears in his eyes, the way his bottom lip was trembling. It was almost like you could see the memories playing in his mind as well, the visuals of what happened flashing like the movie.

"I did it, I fucking did it." He admitted to you, his voice cracking, "I had to do it, I had to kill my own father." Kylo's tears fell then, eyes locked on yours. He could visualize it. The way the blood spread throughout his dad's shirt as he shot him in the chest. The worst part was, his dad hadn't even looked surprised, he accepted it, like he knew that eventually Kylo would betray him this way.

You swallowed hard, staying calm on the outside though on the inside your pulse was quick, thumping in your ears. Snoke had asked you to do something similar, to kill your own mom but you hadn't been able to do it. You sent her away in secret instead. It was the difference between you and Kylo. He could compare you to himself all the time but at the end of the day, you wouldn't have had the strength to do what he did.

"And your mom..." You trailed off, remembering what he'd admitted to you in the past. He'd been vague but he told you that his mom killed himself after she realized she lost Kylo to the mafia.

Kylo nodded in response, he didn't need to say it out loud, he knew what you were remembering and it made sense now. After Leia found out that Kylo killed Han for Snoke, she killed herself.

At the mention of his mother, Kylo let himself break down, putting a hand on his face to hide the way that he was openly crying, turning away from you.

You moved off of his lap, sitting beside him on your knees, gently grasping at his arms to pull his grip away from his face. You hated seeing him this weak, you couldn't stand it, you just wanted to comfort him, regardless of what he just admitted to you. You thought about what Poe said to you at the hospital, 'Everyone in Kylo Ren's life dies, you won't be any different', you wondered if this was what he meant.

He resisted your touch, continuing to shield his sobs from you to the best of his ability. Kylo pushed away the past as much as possible, he usually never had to even think about it. But now he was being forced to say all of it loud and the part that was making him so upset was the fact that he was admitting it all to you. He was so terrified that this would make you change your mind about him now that you saw him for what he really was.

"Kylo, please, don't shut me out." You mumbled, wiping quickly at your own eyes.

He pushed your hands away from him, feeling guilty at how you were trying to comfort him even after everything he just told you.

"Don't you get it?" Kylo was staring at you now, eyes filled with anger and tears. "This is who I am, I became the thing that my parents were afraid of... I'm a monster." He sobbed.

You ignored the way he previously pushed you away, putting your hands on either side of his face, thumbs wiping away his falling tears. "Kylo, you aren't a monster." You assured him sincerely, "You're a victim. You were lost and vulnerable, you were a child. Snoke took advantage of you."

Kylo couldn't believe what you were saying to him. He didn't think he deserved it, he thought he deserved for you to leave his apartment and never want to speak to him again. He had never thought of himself in the way you were describing, he didn't see himself as a victim. In his mind he really was a monster, he caused so much pain and destruction for everyone around him. "Now that you know what I'm capable of, you should stay away from me. I'm only going to hurt you, you should save yourself."

"I can't." You said quickly, frustrated at the way that he was too caught up in his cycle of self loathing to see how much you cared about him. You knew his past and you were still here, you weren't going anywhere. "I can't leave you, Kylo."

"Why not?" Kylo asked, anger building, upset because he felt like you weren't listening to his warnings.

You paused in what you wanted to say next, mouth open as your stomach dropped. Your grip on the sides of his face tightened slightly, tense at the words that were running in your mind. You had to do it. Now was the time, you couldn't stop yourself.

"I can't leave you..." You were shaking, "Because I love you, Kylo."

Kylo stopped breathing, in shock because of the words that just left your mouth.

You could see that Kylo was taking in the information and you didn't want to give him time to doubt himself or your words. "I know what you've done and now I understand who you are, and that doesn't change anything." You took a deep breath, staring into his dark eyes, "I love you." You repeated.

As he processed this information, Kylo let out a deep breath, tears falling quicker than ever down his cheeks. You loved him. Even though he did things that kept him up at night, things that made him hate himself, you saw past that. With all of his faults and his mistakes, you loved him.

"Say it again." Kylo requested in a quiet voice, "Please, I need to hear you say it again."

You could see the desperation on his face and it broke your heart. It was scary to you, to admit something so sincere to him but you could see that he needed it and any nerves you had were gone, you just wanted to prove it to him, you wanted to comfort him.

"I love you, Kylo." You told him genuinely, "I'm in love with you, I'm not leaving you."

A sob escaped his chest, realizing that you really meant it. Kylo's hands were on either side of your face, quickly pressing his lips against yours, holding you tightly against his side, feeling as if he let you go that the moment would be over. He wanted to hang onto you and this feeling forever.

Pulling away from you just slightly, his forehead still pressed against yours, Kylo took in a long shaky breath. "I love you too." He said to you, trembling. "I love you so much, you have no idea how much I love you."

It was true, Kylo fell for you hard. He couldn't bring himself to say it to you before, he wasn't even aware of the fact that he almost said it to you as he was bleeding in the back of his car, he'd been so out of it. But it was all he thought about. Every time you laughed or you touched him or he just looked at you, Kylo was struck with the feeling.

You quickly kissed him again, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down closer to you. You wanted him, all of him, you'd been waiting so long for this to happen.

Kylo's hands were all over your body as if he were memorizing the way that you felt, wanting to replay this moment over and over in his head later, to remind himself that it was real. "I love you." He repeated to you, lips barely parting from yours so that he could say it. Now that it was out in the open he felt like he couldn't tell you enough.

As you sighed in happiness against him, a realization dawned on him, making his finger tips dig into your skin at the thought.

You were the first person Kylo ever loved.


	33. Christmas

What do you think?" You asked, crossing your arms across your chest and backing up so that you could look around and take it all in.

"It looks great." Vicrul assured you, putting a hand on your shoulder.

You, Vicrul, and Ushar had just spent the entire morning decorating your apartment with Christmas decorations. After Kylo told you that he had no memory of ever celebrating the holiday, you were determined to give him the best Christmas you possibly could.

You were so thankful that he opened up to you in the way that he had and told you all about his past and childhood. A few days had passed since that day, since the first time you said 'I love you' to each other and you felt closer to him with every moment you spent together since then.

You and Kylo were in love with each other and neither of you were afraid of it anymore.

Kylo was healing up really well from his gunshot wound but he still wasn't ready to leave the apartment. You and him went on walks throughout the building but other than that, he hadn't left the apartment complex. He was too nervous that an enemy would take advantage of his vulnerable state, it didn't happen often that Kylo Ren was weak.

"It looks like Santa's elves threw up all over the fucking place." Ushar called out from the kitchen, taking a big bite of the cookie in his hand.

You rolled your eyes, "That's sort of the point." You yelled back to him.

Vicrul laughed at Ushar's comment but squeezed your shoulder, "It really does look good in here, even Kylo might like it." He assured you.

You sent him a look. "It's not for Kylo, it's for me." You said defensively. You were so excited to surprise Kylo with a full day of holiday celebrations but you knew he'd be so embarrassed if his Knights knew that he was going to spend his day listening to Christmas music and opening presents with you.

Vicrul got the hint. He understood that Kylo was a lot softer with you than he was with anyone else and he tried not to acknowledge it, not wanting to embarrass his boss. "Right, well if Kylo were to hypothetically see it...He might like it?" He said cautiously, giving you a sheepish smile.

"Maybe." You agreed with him but you had a knowing look in your eyes. Both of you were fully aware that this was for Kylo, and for Kylo only, but you were both choosing not to say it out loud.

"Need anything else?" Ushar asked, joining the two of you in the living room. He had his third beer of the afternoon in his hand, taking you seriously when you said to 'help yourself to anything in the fridge'.

You looked around, frowning in thought.

Originally, you sent a text to the two of them last night and asked if they'd help you out in the morning with picking a few things up from the store to get you into the holiday spirit. You really just wanted to buy a small tree with some ornaments, some wrapping paper for presents. But then Vicrul and Ushar got all excited and started putting lights all over the apartment and little decorations everywhere. It was very sweet, honestly.

"No, I think we're good. Thanks for helping." You told them, turning to face them.

You noticed the way that the two of them suddenly looked uncomfortable, sending each other small glances and trying to discreetly nudge each other. You raised your eyebrow, wondering what was up with them. They weren't exactly subtle.

"Go get it." You heard Ushar mutter, elbowing Vicrul's side.

"Ow, fuck, okay I got it." Vicurl pushed him back and listened to his directions, going towards his coat that was hanging from the entrance hook.

You were about to follow him to his coat, not trusting whatever the two of them were up to. Then you saw Vicrul pull something out of his pocket: a small package. Whoever wrapped it up made an attempt but it wasn't a great job. It was all crumpled and there was too much paper in some places, almost like a child did it.

Vicrul walked back over to the two of you and slowly handed you the present. "Merry Christmas." He told you, an almost embarrassed look on his face as he handed it to you.

"What?" You laughed, assuming it was a joke. You stared at the two of them and noticed that they were serious, expectant even as they stared at the gift in your hands. You looked down at it, spotting a tag.

"TO: THE PRINCESS - FROM: THE KNIGHTS"

You blinked as you read it over and over again. The Knights got you a gift.

"You didn't have to do this." You told them, looking up at them, trying to hide how much it touched you that they had been thinking about you.

"Come on, it's a holiday, we had to." Vicrul said then motioned towards it in your hands, eager to see you open it.

You bit your lip, grinning. You couldn't remember the last time you got a gift from a friend. Hux got you gifts all the time over the course of your relationship with him, and now Kylo's gotten you many gifts as well, but you couldn't name the last real friend you had. It was strange to consider this group of men who committed horrible crimes for a living as someone you were close to but you realized you couldn't have gotten through the last couple of weeks without them by your side.

You carefully tore the wrapping paper off, trying to ignore the intent way that the two of them were watching you. Turning the object over in your hand, squinting, it took you a moment to piece together what you were holding. When you realized, you started laughing. "A knife?"

The two men were staring at you with big excited grins on their faces, nodding, looking like puppies.

In all honesty, as far as knives went, this one was actually really impressive. It was matte black, with intricate, engraved designs that almost looked like vines or flowers. You unfolded the blade and were able to see that it was shiny gold metal. Although you weren't sure if you'd ever called a weapon 'pretty' before, now would be a fitting time. 

"Do you like it?" Ushar asked, peering over so that he could see that way that it looked in your hand, if it looked the way he remembered.

"I love it." You told them honestly. "Thank you." You were trying not to be emotional and embarrass yourself but really, it meant so much to you that this group of rough mafia men thought about you enough to pick something out for you and to even wrap it.

"Are you crying?" Ushar asked you with a smirk, "Don't get soft on us, you've been such a bad ass lately." He teased you.

Vicrul was about to stand up for you but then you were unfolding the blade on the knife and pointing it in Ushar's direction.

"Watch it." You threatened him, getting back to your normal self, the one that they were more comfortable with seeing.

Ushar and Vicrul slowly grinned at each other, almost sheepish, maybe the knife had been a bad idea. Who knew what kind of trouble you were going to get in with it?

Although your apartment looked festive now, it was the last thing you were feeling. It was Christmas Day and all you wanted to do was crawl into bed and ignore your responsibilities for the day.

Getting dressed up to go to your fake fiancé's family Christmas gathering was a lot less fun than getting dressed up to do something like going to a club with Kylo and the Knights. But, alas, you sighed as you put a spray of perfume on, glancing at the time, ready to go.

Hux wasn't exactly close with his parents but he still insisted that the two of you visit his extended family. You sure he just wanted to show off to them that he was successful, having more money than ever and now being engaged. You understood his need to prove himself to everyone around him and maybe, if you were in love with him, you'd be more willing to indulge him in that. But knowing that he was going to die soon, was going to make being around his family so much more difficult.

It was almost thirty minutes after you finished getting ready, that your phone rang: 'Armie'.

"Hey." You answered, stifling a yawn.

"Are you almost here?" He asked you, getting right to the point. You could hear a lot of people talking in the background, laughing and yelling.

"What do you mean?" You asked, glancing around your apartment, you were still sitting on your couch. You were waiting for his driver to show up so could meet him at his uncle's house (or maybe it was his cousin? Or his aunt? You couldn't remember, it didn't matter).

"I mean," Hux sighed, "That my driver should've picked you up a half hour ago, you should be here by now. You haven't left?"

"Oh, well, no he hasn't called me to say he's here yet." You told him, getting up from your spot on the couch to go over to your large window that looked out over the street. It was snowing really hard. "Maybe there's traffic. It is Christmas, after all."

Hux has had the same driver for years and you weren't sure if he had ever picked you up without calling you to tell you that he arrived.

"One second, let me get a hold of him." Hux told you before hanging up.

You rolled your eyes. You could just imagine how red Hux's face probably was right now as he made excuses to his family about why you were late.

A few minutes later, Hux called you back. He told you that the streets were really bad because of the weather and the city had your entire block closed off because it was too dangerous at the moment. Apparently, Hux had called a few people to see if his driver could get to you a different way but there weren't really any other options. There was no way for you to get to Hux's family's house...Darn.

Hux kept apologizing to you that you were going to have to spend the holiday alone and that he'd send his driver out later if the roads opened back up. You had done a good job pretending to be sad and disappointed but all you could think about was the fact that you were actually able to spend the day with Kylo now.

You hadn't told Kylo yet about how you decorated the apartment or that you planned to give him the celebration he deserved. You wondered if he'd refuse to come over if he knew, you had a feeling he enjoyed being grumpy. He hadn't been over since getting shot, spending all of his time in his apartment when he wasn't walking aimlessly around the building just to make sure he was getting in some movement. You planned to spend tomorrow with him, the day after Christmas but now you were able to celebrate on the actual holiday.

By being unable to pick you up, Hux gave you the best Christmas present possible and he had no idea. 

Kylo was standing in his kitchen, relaxed against the edge of his countertop while he ate a bowl of cereal. It was kind of his routine lately, he felt so useless. His eyes were ahead on his television when he heard his phone give him an alert beside him. The contact name on the phone said, 'princess' and he couldn't help the slow grin that formed on his lips as he picked up the phone to read the texts you sent him:

-come over daddy

-I'm all yours today 

-(angel emoji)

Kylo's smile only widened as he read that. He barely even remembered that today was a holiday, there was no need for him to know that, it wasn't like he was going to celebrate it. But he knew that you'd be spending the entire day and most of the night with Hux and being stuck inside while you did so had been bothering him all morning.

Finding you more important than his cereal (which was saying a lot), he dumped what was left into the sink so that he could make his way down the hall to your place.

It had only been a few days but Kylo could hardly remember a time where you didn't spend almost all of your time in his apartment with him. It was normal now to not only wake up with you and fall asleep with you, but to also spend his afternoon and evening with you. The two of you hadn't said 'I love you' out loud to each other since the first time you had but there was a different understanding between you two now. You didn't need to say it constantly, you both just felt it.

It was something that Kylo didn't think he'd ever feel, let alone say out loud. Opening up to you about his past left him feeling vulnerable and raw. Hearing you say that you accepted his past and who he was today, made him so grateful. It was what he'd been hungry to hear for years now. He just wanted someone to love him. And although he didn't feel like he deserved you, he was so glad that you were his. 

Kylo knocked on your door and you almost instantly opened it, you'd been waiting for him.

His eyebrows raised, looking you over. You were all dressed up since you were planning on going to Hux's family's. "I'm going to choose to pretend you look this good because you knew I was coming over." He said to you, hooking a finger under his chain around your neck for a moment. Although it didn't matter now that he was standing in front of you, a deep part of his stomach twisted at the thought of Hux showing you off to his family, showing them how beautiful you were.

You ignored his comment, opening the door of your apartment wider so that you could let him inside. You both knew why you were dressed up but the last thing you wanted to think about right now was Hux. "Merry Christmas." You grinned. You were cautious, knowing that he wouldn't act exactly happy at first. 

Kylo's dark eyes quickly scanned around, taking it in. There were string lights around the perimeter of the entire apartment, a lit up tree in the corner, and other various pieces of decor around the place. It smelled like cookies and he could hear themed music playing faintly in the background. It was a wonderland for a majority of people who celebrated the holiday but for Kylo, his instinct was to hate it.

"Really?" Kylo asked but despite his prickly demeanor you could see the way his eyes were dancing.

It wasn't that Kylo inherently hated the holiday itself. But he grew up resenting everyone who celebrated it, being forced to watch them make memories with their families that he'd never have. Part of that bitterness made its way into adulthood for him, making him hating the celebration all together.

"What do you think?" You asked him with a smirk, taking his hand and pulling him inside. You knew he'd pretend to hate it no matter what.

You looked him over discreetly, taking in all the little ways he was reacting to the apartment. You could see hints of surprise and enthusiasm but as quickly as they flashed across his face, they died off, being replaced with a forced frown. It was going to take a lot for Kylo to admit his excitement.

You took in the ways he looked different ever since he got home from the hospital. His hair was always long but it was even longer now and it was almost unruly. Although he didn't take time to exactly style his hair before, it was always perfectly messy. But now, as he stood there in front of you in his pajamas, you could see bits of it sticking up. He had bed-head in the middle of the afternoon.

Kylo also had been neglecting his normal routine of shaving. You could see his fingers combing through his facial hair on his chin as he took in the appearance of your decorations. He still looked incredibly handsome, it was just a big change from seeing him so put together in his expensive suits and jewelry. A part of you sort of liked this more, it was yet another side of Kylo that he didn't show anyone else.

Kylo said nothing to your question, contemplating what meant more to him: keeping his pride or indulging you.

You sighed, moving closer to him. You took his hands into yours and looked up at him with wide eyes, tangling your small fingers into his large ones. "I know you don't give a shit about holidays and honestly, I'm not the most festive person either. But you said you couldn't remember ever celebrating it and I don't know..." You feigned shyness, putting on the charm for him, "I just wanted to give you a good experience. Besides, you've been in such a funk lately because you're stuck inside...I think you should let yourself have some fun."

Kylo swallowed hard, staring down at you with a frown. You knew exactly how to tug on his heartstrings and get what you wanted. The moment that he felt the need to take care of you, you had him in the palm of your hand.

"It won't be a big deal, okay? I went a little overboard on decorating but I was thinking we could just spend the day together... You can open the gifts I bought you and eat the cookies I made...I don't have any mistletoe but you can still kiss me." You batted your eyelashes, squeezing his hands.

You could see his demeanor starting to soften so you continued, "Don't make me spend Christmas all by myself." You pouted, knowing just how to get to him.

Kylo audibly sighed, knowing that he was going to have to give in to you. He always did, he couldn't help it. He felt the constant need to give you everything you wanted.

Being able to tell that you had him right where you wanted him, you gave him a sweet smile and squeezed his hand again. "Please, daddy." You said, your voice slightly in a whine as you bit your lip, staring up at him.

At that, Kylo groaned, rolling his eyes at the sound of it. There was no way he could turn you down now and you knew it. He bent down and kissed you, removing one of his hands from yours so that he could put it on the side of your face gently. "My girl wants me to celebrate with her?" He hummed, kissing you again briefly.

You nodded eagerly, smiling. It was satisfying to you that you were somehow able to wrap someone as tough as Kylo around your finger. Most people weren't able to even look at him sideways and here you were, pouting and begging him and he barely even questioned giving in to you.

"I'll do that for you, princess." Kylo said to you. Whenever he was nervous about being soft around you, he always made it seem like he was doing it for you, it was how he justified it to himself. But really, deep down, the idea that you decorated and prepared all of this for him just because he shared that he didn't have any Christmas memories, made him so happy even if he'd never admit it out loud.

You grinned smugly into his kiss, pulling him down closer to you.

You always got what you wanted.

After a few minutes of making out right inside your doorway, Kylo told you that he needed to grab a few things from his apartment and he'd be right back. You were taking the time to get a few things ready for him, snacks on your coffee table and a drink for him (you would purposefully leave that fact out to his doctor the next time you saw him). 

As he entered your apartment again, you raised an eyebrow at the fact that Kylo had one of his large duffel bags thrown over his shoulder. "What's that? Is it heavy? Don't hurt yourself." You asked him, lighting a candle as you did so.

He set the bag down, by your tree, and glanced over at you. "You know I love to spoil you." He smirked. He then unzipped the bag and started taking various wrapped presents out one by one and setting them below your tree, covering the floor with them. The hottest Santa Claus you'd ever seen.

You didn't realize he bought you any but you supposed you weren't exactly surprised. He did love to spoil you. You made your way over to him, mouth falling open at how many presents there actually were.

"Come here." Kylo requested, patting his lap from his seated position next to the tree.

You took a second to look him over. Kylo was in his pajamas, surrounded by the gifts he bought you, lit up from the lights on the tree. It was the best Christmas you could've asked for, really.

You got on the ground next to him and carefully crawled into his lap. His gunshot wound was healing up really well but you were still so cautious with him, afraid to hurt him.

His arms went around your waist, holding you close to him, his lips on the side of your neck. "Have you been naughty this year?" He murmured, nipping at your skin, "Or have you been a good girl for daddy? What do you think?"

You let out a breathless chuckle, biting your lip as a chill of pleasure ran up your spine. You two had kissed a lot since he was brought home from the hospital but wanting him to rest, the two of you hadn't really been sexual with each other. Hearing him speak to you in this way was making your heart race. The lack of sexual intimacy and the new arrival of emotional intimacy, after admitting your love to each other, made everything feel new again.

"I think I've been good." You said to him with a smile, tilting your head back to grant him more access to your neck.

"Hmmm," Kylo pretended to contemplate, his fingers digging into your waist in a way that made you inhale sharply, a small moan escaping. "There's been a few times that you've been such a brat...But you can be such a good girl. You've been helping me so much, taking care of me...I think you deserve all these nice things." He said, motioning towards the presents that were surrounding you.

You made a soft noise in agreement, unable to stop the big smile on your lips as he trailed his kisses up to your ear from your neck. "Tell daddy 'thank you' and I'll let you open them." He teased you, talking softly in your ear, smirking at the way it caused you tense up.

You rolled your eyes, not wanting to give in to him right away. But then he started kissing your neck again and holding you down against his hips so that you could feel the fact that he was growing hard for you and you couldn't help yourself. "Thank you, daddy, it was so nice of you to buy me all of these."

Kylo grinned, pleased that you obeyed him the way that you did. He reached forward and grabbed one of the giftboxes, handing it to you. "Let's see what you got, hm?" He asked you, hands going to your thighs.

You then continued to open all of the gifts that Kylo got you while sitting on his lap. It was actually adorable, the way that he'd instantly grab the discarded wrapping paper and keep it in a neat pile, the way he'd help you pull off tricky pieces of tape, the way he was staring at you so intently, watching all of your reactions.

Seeing how happy all of this made you, caused a lightness to form in Kylo's chest. Maybe he understood why people liked Christmas, after all.

Kylo bought you pretty typical things that you loved. He really knew you well, he always chose things for you that you would've picked yourself: sets of lingerie, dresses, shoes, jewelry, expensive wine. He also bought you some more art supplies, noticing how happy it made you to receive paint brushes from him before and a few books about specific artists that he knew you liked. It all meant so much to you, even if it was just material items. The fact that he took the time to get them for you was a big deal to you.

You reached for the remaining wrapped gifts, the ones that you bought for him and pulled them closer to the two of you. "I'm sorry you don't have as much as I do." You told him with a frown, picking up one of the smaller ones and handing it to him.

"Shh," Kylo muttered, kissing your cheek, "That doesn't matter." He said to you sincerely. He wasn't expecting anything at all, this was far more than he could've guessed.

"Does it ruin it or make it better that I paid for them with Hux's credit card?" You asked him, watching his hands that were still wrapped around you, tear at the paper.

"Are you kidding?" Kylo laughed, "That makes it so much better." He smirked, enjoying the fact that he was spending that asshole's money.

Kylo then proceeded to unwrap the gifts you bought him. You obviously hadn't gotten him as many as he got you, it would be suspicious to spend that much on Hux's card. But the things you gave him you did take your time picking out. A ring, similar to the ones he wore but unlike anything he owned and a bottle of whiskey that you noticed he usually chose to drink. You also picked out cufflinks for him that were shaped like small crowns, wanting him to think of his princess, when he was out on dangerous deals without you.

Kylo loved them.

The last gift you had for him made you nervous, you were scared to see how he was going to react to it. You handed it to him but didn't let go. "Before you open this, I want to explain." You told him.

Kylo raised an eyebrow, keeping you on his lap but leaning back on his hands so that he could look at you better. The wrapped gift was thin and square, he had a feeling he knew what it was.

"Remember when we first met?" You asked him.

The two of your minds both flashed to that night. It was right when he came back into town after being away for a year. Hux took you out to dinner to welcome him back.

Kylo felt his heart thump at the thought. When he first met you, his goal had been to corrupt you and use you to get to Hux. Really, he accomplished that. Regardless of how much you two loved each other now, it made him feel so guilty. For the first portion of your relationship, Kylo had been just using you, you were a toy to him. It was all so different now.

He tried to cover up the negative feelings he had surrounding the night, not wanting to ruin this moment. He hated to think about how disposable you'd been to him at a certain point in his life, you were everything to him now. He gave you a short nod, indicating that he remembered.

"Well," You sighed, continuing, "That morning I started painting this...And for some reason, I just couldn't finish it...But it wouldn't leave my head, it was all I could think about. Every time I'd go into the studio, I'd set it up and just stare at it and I couldn't figure out why it was so hard for me..." You frowned, thinking about it.

Kylo was staring at you, hanging on your every word.

"It started getting easier to work on, the closer I got to you...The more moments of honesty between us, the more I could paint...Recently, I finished it, after I realized how much I care about you." You couldn't look at him, feeling exposed. When you admitted to yourself that you were in love with Kylo Ren, you had been able to put the finishing touches on it.

"I don't know, maybe it's stupid and maybe I'm not making any sense. But I can't help but feel like this painting is connected to us, like it represents our relationship...The more trust that we created with each other, the more I could accomplish with the painting..." You chuckled, shaking your head. "I know it's cheesy and you probably hate the idea of it but I just felt like you should have it. It's just as much yours as it is mine."

Kylo's eyebrows were knitted together, watching how embarrassed you were growing as you explained yourself. The idea that you had been working on this painting the entire time he'd known you and you felt like it was connected to him somehow, was making his head spin in the best way. It was still so hard for him to believe that you loved him but in moments like this he felt it.

"Can I open it?" He asked you, wanting to see it.

You shrugged, "Sure." You answered, still unable to look at him.

Kylo carefully tore the paper away, not wanting to ruin anything on the painting itself. When it was uncovered, he held it up away from him so that he could take it all in.

It was done in surrealist style, making it more artistic than realistic. It was a gloved hand, black leather, with bits of the glove worn away to show exposed flesh and bone. The hand was gripping a crown, dripping with blood from the open parts of the hand that was holding it.

You hadn't understood why you painted it at the time. But now, looking back on it, it made so much sense. In your mind, it was Kylo's hand wearing the glove and the crown that he was holding represented you. He held your life in his hands constantly and the weight of that was difficult for him, explaining why there were bits of his own flesh missing. The blood dripping on your crown, on you, was all the ways that he'd changed you, ruined you, and made you similar to him.

It had been so tricky to paint before because your relationship with Kylo was surface level. But as you got closer to him and he assimilated you to this mob life more and more, the more progress you were able to make on it. Subconsciously, this painting was the way you made sense of your feelings to Kylo and worked through them. You just didn't realize this until the painting was finished, when you discovered you loved him.

"I don't expect you to hang it up anywhere. You could stick it in the back of your closet if you wanted. But it just felt weird to keep something that I felt like should belong to you." You told him, still unable to look at him. You didn't want to see how he was reacting to it.

Kylo couldn't take his eyes off of it. Even if he had no idea who you were and he saw it hanging in a gallery somewhere, he would like it. You were so talented, it was beautiful and interesting. But knowing that you painted it while thinking of him, made him love it.

He was struck with the realization that he'd never meant so much to someone before. You were the first person who ever truly loved him and somehow, he felt like this was his physical proof of it. If he ever questioned that you were too good to be true, he had something he could hold in his hands that would tell him otherwise.

"It's amazing." Kylo told you honestly, hating the way that his lip was quivering, the idea of all of this making him emotional. "I love it."

You looked over at him with wide eyes. He liked it? You'd been expecting him to brush it off and make a joke out of it, maybe he'd tell you that it was a good painting but he wouldn't understand the full importance of it.

But now you could see the moisture forming in Kylo's eyes and the way he was breathing heavy as he stared at it. Your relationship had grown so much, he wasn't sure what he'd do without you. Even if he didn't fully understand the subtle meanings of what the painting represented, he did understand that symbolized how much the two of you had gone through together and it was overwhelming to him.

He locked eyes with you, quickly trying to blink away the tears that were forming. "I love you." Kylo said to you, not afraid of the feeling in this moment.

You inhaled, the same wetness in your eyes now as you stared at him. You two hadn't said those three words out loud to each other since the first time you said it and you hadn't been expecting to hear it from him again, unprompted.

"I love you too, Kylo." You replied, hand going to his arm where you squeezed him gently there.

There was a beat of silence between the two of you as you let that statement hang in the air, savoring how amazing it felt to be open about it finally.

Then, Kylo was setting the painting on the ground next to him and kissing you hard, his hand on the back of your head to hold you in place against his lips.

You sighed, moving so that you were able to straddle his waist and wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him just as passionately as he was kissing you. It was always so much easier for the two of you to act out your feelings instead of saying them, no matter how open you'd become with each other.

He parted away from you, noses touching, "Do you know how much you mean to me?" He asked you, voice slightly shaking. "I never thought I'd be able to feel this way. I'm so in love with you." Kylo was surprising even himself with his honesty.

After being so close to dying when he was shot, it made him realize how fleeting time was. He didn't want to waste any of the time that he had with you anymore. He needed you to understand how important you were. Not just as a weapon against Hux but to him.

You kissed him for a few moments before pulling away, "I love you." You repeated to him, hands on either side of his face. God, you really loved him.

Kylo kissed you again, moaning against your lips and running his hands up and down the sides of your body, digging into your hips. He bit at your bottom lip, pulling away so that he could look you over. "I don't think we can have sex yet, princess, I'm still hurting." He said with a frown.

It was true, he could barely lift the bag of gifts to bring into your apartment. The thought of exerting himself to have sex with you was almost worth it to him but he was falling behind with his business duties, he needed to heal enough to get himself out there again.

"That's okay." You told him but it was clear you were disappointed, even if you were trying to hide it from him.

Kylo was able to see your frown and it made him feel bad. He wanted to give you everything you wanted, this included.

"I can still make you cum. I wanna make my girl feel good on Christmas." He offered, his fingertips digging into your hips. A slow smirk formed on his face as he stared at you. He noticed the way that you were absentmindedly grinding against him at the thought, skin hot and heart thumping at the idea of it.

"Please." You said to him, desperate already. You hadn't had an orgasm since he'd been shot. You tried to touch yourself a few times but you couldn't finish. You used to be so good at knowing what your body wanted but Kylo ruined it for you, you just wanted him.

Kylo grinned, "Look at you," He breathed out, looking you up and down on his lap, "You're so needy right now." He teased you. He loved it, Kylo loved being reminded that you wanted him. "I bet I could make you cum without even touching you."

You shook your head, ashamed at how much you wanted him. You were about to argue with him and tell him that there was no way you could finish without his touch, but then you felt the way he started moving your hips for you, rocking you against him and you gasped.

You could feel his erection through his pants and from the way that he was leaning his hips up towards you, he was somehow grinding against you at just the right angle, hitting your clit. Even through the layers of your clothes and without using his fingers, Kylo was able to find your perfect spot. He was so in tune with your body and needs.

"See? There you are. There's my good girl." Kylo hummed, moving your hips for you so that you were rubbing against him just like you needed. "Daddy knows what he's doing, doesn't he?" He was practically cooing at you, "What do you say? Do you want to cum?"

Your hands went to his shoulders, using your grip as leverage to start rolling your hips at a quicker pace. "Fuck, it feels so good. I really think I could finish like this." You told him in disbelief, back arching at the pleasure that was coursing through your body.

"I know you can, princess." Kylo groaned, jaw clenching at how much this was turning him on, how good it felt for him to have you like this. It was a big boost to his ego to know that he didn't even have to touch you to make you cum. "Just keep on riding daddy, you'll get there. You're going to cum for me."

"Oh my god." You whined, moving quickly and desperately against him.

Kylo's hands were guiding you, helping you move in the same way that he would be thrusting inside of you if he were able to. He knew just how you like it, he knew just how to get your to your peak.

"Aw, poor baby, it's been so long since you've been fucked, hasn't it? You don't know what to do if daddy isn't breaking you in half every day." He leaned back so he could angle his hips up more, moaning at the feeling of you moving against him. "You're so spoiled, you're used to me making you cum all night, aren't you? You need it so bad."

Your face was burning in shame, knowing that you were already getting closer to your climax from your riding and from his words. You loved when he talked to you like this, you felt like it had been so long. He'd been so hurt before that you two hadn't even attempted something like this.

For the next several minutes, Kylo let you grind against him, smirking smugly at how worked up it was making you, all the noises you were making. He knew he could make you cum but he liked the show you were putting on for him, his perfect little girl.

Taking mercy on you, Kylo leaned forward and wrapped his hand around your throat, making you moan out loud. He knew what he wanted. "Tell me you love me and I'll let you cum." He said to you, locking eyes with you.

You stopped your motions, surprised, breathing heavy. You hadn't been expecting that.

Kylo noticed your hesitance and it made him squeeze your throat tighter. "I want to hear you say it."

You blinked, trying to comprehend what he wanted. It made your heart pound, that he wanted to hear you say something that scared the both of you so much. "I love you, Kylo." You told him, pleading, "I love you so much."

Kylo moaned, shutting his eyes to let himself enjoy the moment. It was unreal to him, he'd never been this happy. As much power as he had over you right now, withholding your pleasure, you had so much power over him as well. "Good girl." He praised you. His hand that had been on your hip now went in between your legs, instantly knowing just where to begin rubbing you through your pants and underwear.

You gasped, hands tightening on his shoulders at the feeling of his fingers almost directly pleasuring you which was a contrast from the dull pleasing feeling you had when you'd been riding him. As much as you'd prefer him to actually touch you without any clothes on, the idea of this was so hot to you. You loved knowing that Kylo could make you feel this good no matter the circumstance.

Kylo's hand around your neck, pulled you in closer against him so that he could whisper in your ear while continuing to stroke your most sensitive spot that was driving you crazy. "I want you to cum for me. Cum right now, princess. Make me proud," He growled softly, his lips brushing against your ear.

His deep voice since a shock of arousal down your spine, making you whimper. His fingers continued to rub quick circles against you, building up the feeling of your climax quickly approaching. "Fuck, oh my god." You were panting and moaning.

Kylo was whispering words of encouragement to you, coaxing you through your orgasm as you let it take over your body. You were a shaky mess on top of him, riding out the feeling against his fingers, saying his name over and over again.

As you came down from your high, Kylo's grip relaxed on your neck, kissing you where he'd been previously squeezing you. "I love you too." He murmured against your skin, feeling the need to tell you since he'd been too caught up in the moment earlier.

After catching your breath, you slowly rolled off of Kylo's lap, settling onto the ground next to him. You couldn't meet his eyes, you could tell that he was staring at you with a self-satisfied smirk and you didn't want to give him the opportunity to gloat about what he'd just done to you. 

There was a few moments of silence.

"Oh," Kylo said suddenly, remembering. "I forgot one of your gifts."

You looked over at him with a raised eyebrow, "I don't need anything else." You assured him, "You've given me so much."

He was ignoring you, hand going to his phone that was resting on the coffee table next to the two of you. You watched as he unlocked it and began scrolling through something, you weren't sure.

Kylo then handed you the phone, nodding towards the screen.

You blinked, trying to figure out what you were looking at. On his phone, was a photo of what looked like an empty room. It had cement floors, bare walls. It was honestly a little dirty in some spots, stains on the ground. "What is it?" You asked, not even attempting to hide your confusion.

"It's yours." Kylo told you, looking over your shoulder at it.

You laughed a little, even more confused. Why would you want this? "I don't get it." You admitted.

Kylo chuckled a little, finding your bewilderment amusing. Honestly, he was being vague because he was sort of nervous. When he gave you things like dresses or shoes, he knew you'd like them regardless. Even if he took the time to pick them out for you, there was still a level of shallowness that went along with material items. This was different, it made him feel more vulnerable.

"There's that art studio, right off of thirty-fifth street," Kylo started to explain. "I bought you your own space there." He pointed to the screen. "You can go there whenever you want to paint. I paid for it but it's in your name, it's yours." He told you, not meeting your eyes. As nervous as you'd been to give him your painting, he was almost as nervous to give this to you.

You were speechless, trying to let that sink in. You had your school's art studio, which was nice, but every time you went you were surrounded by other students. You liked your alone time when you painted. And besides, you were graduating soon. You had been dreading the fact that you'd have to start keeping easels and paints in your apartment but Kylo solved that problem for you before you even got to it.

"If you don't need it, you can sell it." Kylo offered, nervous, taking your silence as disapproval. "Like I said, it's in your name so you can keep the money."

You were shocked by how thoughtful this gift was. It was something that you'd never even think to ask for, it was such a big deal to you. You wanted to cry but you didn't want to make Kylo uncomfortable so instead you put your hand on his cheek, turning his face so that you could kiss him.

"I love it, Kylo. I don't even know what to say, I'm shocked... Thank you, holy shit. Thank you." You said to him honestly, taking in a deep shaky breath. You couldn't stop thinking about how much you loved him and how thankful you were for him. You weren't thankful because of the things he could give you, but you were thankful that he wanted to.

"You're welcome." He said to you, relieved.

He scooted back so that he was resting against the wall closest to you two, then he reached forward, wordlessly telling you to join him.

You moved over to him, snuggling up close to his chest on the uninjured side, wiping at your eyes before he could see you becoming emotional.

He held you close and kissed the top of your head, rubbing your back. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence for a while, taking in the moment that you two had alone. Soft Christmas music played in the background and the sun was starting to go down outside, causing the string lights in the apartment to give off a comforting glow.

There was so much that you and him needed to deal with in the future, so many things that were threatening to tear you two apart. But there was no reason to think of that now because in this exact moment, you two were safe and you were holding each other.

You loved each other.

"Merry Christmas." Kylo whispered gently, pulling you closer against him with a big smile on his face.


	34. Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Warnings: CNC, knifeplay, light degradation)

How many different ways could you express your fake enthusiasm about your fake engagement to your fake fiancé?

You were only a few hours into the engagement party that Hux was throwing for the two of you and you were already exhausted with having to put on a smile and act like you were in love with him. Hux rented out a large room in an upscale restaurant that just opened up. Almost everyone who was in attendance was part of the mob, you recognized a lot of familiar faces even if you didn't know who they were. It was just Hux's guest list, you didn't have anyone to invite.

Everyone wanted to see the ring and there were multiple times that you had to stop yourself from rolling your eyes at the way they were gushing over it's large size, like that was the only thing that mattered.

When guests would ask you how Hux proposed, wanting to know all of the details, you had to lie, obviously. You couldn't exactly tell them the truth: Snoke threatened you with your life if you didn't agree to marry him. You ended up just saying something along the lines of, "It was a casual proposal but very romantic", wanting to keep the story as vague as possible so you could repeat it to whoever asked.

If the entire party itself wasn't uncomfortable enough, it didn't help matters that Snoke himself was actually physically in attendance. He never showed up in person to these parties, at least none that you'd been at in the past year. Every move you made, you could feel his intense eyes on you, making sure that you weren't fucking anything up. It was nerve wracking to say the least.

At one point, Snoke came up behind you with his fingers digging in your shoulders. "Congratulations." He said in a low voice, squeezing you before moving away from you and getting a drink from the bar.

As he parted away, he gave you a dark look that made Hux tense up, worried that you might speak your mind and embarrass him in front of his boss.

But you weren't able to say anything at all, being taken back by Snoke's attention. A shiver went down your spine at his contact but you tried not to show it, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of him affecting you in the way that he had. This entire situation was his fault, he was the one who forced the two of you to have this wedding. You hated how smug he was about it.

Now, you were standing by the bar with Hux's arm around your waist, holding you close to his side while he talked about potential venues for the wedding with a few people hanging around the two of you. You weren't listening, it didn't matter. The two of you would never make it to the altar.

Making eye contact with Hux, you frowned at the pale look that came over his face. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He asked, groaning and rolling his eyes. You almost didn't want to look, not wanting to see whatever was bothering him because that meant that you would also have to deal with it.

Then you heard commotion from the front of the restaurant and a familiar deep voice that caused the blood to drain from your face as well.

You whipped your head over your shoulder, making a groan similar to Hux's when you saw Kylo standing in the doorway of the venue with a few Knights behind him. You watched the way that he shook hands with the people who were approaching him, pulling some of the men into masculine hugs, patting their backs.

You supposed it wasn't a huge surprise that he showed up even though you specifically told him not to. It wouldn't be the first time that he put you in an awkward position in order to get one over on Hux. But you had been hopeful that he would've listened to you in this instance. You liked seeing him and knowing that he was there but at the same time, he was only going to cause trouble. You wanted this to go as well as possible so you could just get it over with and Kylo could go through with his plan to kill Hux.

You watched in horror as Kylo made eye contact with you, his eyebrow raising in interest as he looked you over. Admittedly, you did look good. Hux paid for a new dress for the party and it fit you perfectly.

"I thought I told you he wasn't invited." Hux hissed. His eyes scanned the room, trying to find where Snoke was, trying to see if he was noticing that his underboss had just walked into the same room as him.

"I didn't tell him to come." You said, exasperated. Actually, you specifically told him that he wasn't invited.

Hux rolled his eyes at that, not believing you. Why else would Kylo want to be there if it wasn't for you?

Once he had his eyes on you, Kylo was a man on a mission, pushing past people and letting his shoulders knock against theirs as he got closer and closer to you, his eyes never leaving yours. He needed to get to his princess.

You turned your back towards him, quickly drinking what was left of the champagne in your glass, needing some alcohol to get you through this if he was going to approach you as blatantly as he was making it seem he was going to.

Hux's arm around your waist tightened, pulling you in closer, getting possessive at the sight of the dark haired man who was walking over.

"Congrats. You two make quite the couple." You heard Kylo's voice ring out behind you. You could smell his cologne, feel how close he was to you by the way the hair on the back of your neck stood up. "I didn't think you'd have the balls to seal the deal, Hux." He taunted the man across from him, "You better have the wedding soon before she comes to her senses and calls it off."

"I don't remember sending you an invitation." Hux said stiffly, his fingertips digging into the indent of your waist painfully, ignoring his jabs. He wanted a night dedicated to showing you off and letting everyone know that he had his shit together. Kylo had nothing to do with any of that, he didn't want him involved.

Kylo sent Hux a cocky grin, "Are you sure?" He asked simply, waving his hand up to get the bartender's attention.

"Yes." Hux said instantly, "You weren't invited."

You could hear the way that Kylo was laughing and almost feel the way his chest was rising and falling as he did so. "Did you really think that you could keep it a secret from me? If you think these men are more loyal to you than they are to me, you must've really let Snoke's recent attention get to your head."

Although you could smell his cologne, you could also smell the whiskey scent wafting off of Kylo's breath from behind you. From the way that he was talking louder than usual and the fact that he showed up to the party in the first place, alerted you to the fact that was probably drunk right now, or at least somewhat inebriated. It was the first night that Kylo's doctor gave him the 'okay' to leave the apartment after recovering from his injury and he was using it to his full advantage, enjoying the fact that he could leave and get drinks with his Knights now.

You looked up at him over your shoulder, heat rushing to your skin when you saw the way that he was already hungrily looking you over. You hadn't been in public with him since you admitted your love to each other and you especially hadn't been in public with him in a setting like this, a party to celebrate your engagement to someone else. It was strange to see him and have to pretend like you didn't have the intense feelings that you did have for him.

"Well, I think you should leave." Hux said to him, jaw clenched harshly and his voice strained. "You shouldn't be here, Snoke's here." He said to him in a quiet voice, not wanting anyone around them to overhear the mention of their boss.

Kylo shrugged, the alcohol coursing through his veins as he took a glass from the bartender who was extending their hand out in his direction, taking the drink from them. "Yeah. I saw him." He said simply. Really, it was making him uneasy that he was around Snoke when he knew he shouldn't be but he didn't want to leave your side, he didn't want you to be celebrating your engagement to someone else, even if it was fake, without him there.

It wasn't an explicit rule that Kylo and Snoke weren't allowed to be in public together. But, it was common sense. If there was a dangerous situation and both of them were killed or hurt, the entire mafia would be down. It was important that they keep the balance of never being together, reducing the odds that they would both be unavailable if something unfortunate happened. It was the reason that Snoke usually didn't go out in public at all. It was so much safer for him to lay low.

"Well when he talks to you, you better let him know that it was your choice to show up, not mine." Hux hissed, also grabbing for another drink from the bartender. He went from being satisfied that the party was going so well to immediately panicking because of Kylo's arrival. Hux had been doing so well in Snoke's eyes recently, he was furious at the idea that Kylo was going to be the one to ruin that.

You could almost hear the way that Kylo was rolling his eyes in annoyance behind you. "Sure thing." He said sarcastically, "Enjoy your party." He added in a lower voice, almost mocking.

You glanced up at him over your shoulder and he sent you a quick wink before turning away and walking back towards his Knights. You swallowed hard, looking away quickly, glad to see that Hux hadn't been paying attention to it. God dammit, Kylo. 

Over the next hour, you had to do your best job at pretending that the man you were in love with wasn't across the room from you. You tried to distract yourself with shallow conversations with other party goers about when the wedding might happen, where you're thinking about registering for gifts, etc. But no matter how hard you tried, every time you glanced around the room, those same dark eyes would be watching you.

It made it so much harder that Kylo looked so damn good, too. You had grown used to seeing him in wrinkled pajamas, with messy hair and stubble on his face. Now, he was in one of his perfectly fitted suits, jewelry on his neck and fingers, and his soft hair perfectly pushed back from his face. Even if you two didn't share the intense connection that you did, you would've been entranced by him.

Kylo wouldn't say he was exactly having a fun time. It was satisfying for him to see Hux squirm but at the same time, hearing everyone around him gush over how cute you and Hux were together and how happy they were for you two, was getting to him. Usually it pleased him to know how much power he had over you behind closed doors but the whiskey was rushing to his head and making him overthink it.

Snoke had been sitting in the corner the entire time, watching everything play out in front of him. Seeing Kylo arrive pissed him off because he was clearly disrespecting the unspoken rule of never being in public together. But at the same time, the entertainment that was likely to come from this was enough for him to let it play out, observing.

Every time that Kylo or one of the Knights got close to you, you'd make an excuse to go somewhere else, not wanting them to have the chance to make a scene. Kylo was practically chasing you around the party and you could tell that it was driving him crazy that you weren't letting him get to you. Although you loved teasing him, you genuinely weren't trying to in this moment. You could tell that he was tipsy and you didn't want him to fuck anything up by being inappropriate with you.

At one point, Hux came over to you with a sheepish look on his face. He put an arm around your waist and put his mouth down by your ear. "Snoke wants to give us a toast." He said to you with a strained smile, just in case Snoke was watching.

"Really?" You asked, your stomach was twisting. You were already receiving so much attention from everyone (especially Kylo), the last thing that you wanted were more eyes on you. The idea of Snoke speaking about you and Hux was nauseating.

"Yeah." Hux said and although he was hiding it, you could tell that he was also uncomfortable with the idea of it. "Just go with it, play nice for me, okay?" He whispered, fingers digging into you in a threatening way.

You wanted to make a run for it, maybe if you lied and said you needed to get some air, Snoke would forget about it by the time that you were back. But then Snoke was clinking a knife against the glass of liquor in his hand and clearing his throat to get everyone's attention.

Everyone stopped talking, knowing better than to talk over someone as powerful as Snoke and upset him. You couldn't look away from the glass of champagne in your hands. You wanted to disappear.

Kylo was with his Knights in the corner of the room and he perked up when he saw that his boss was getting everyone's attention.

Snoke began addressing the room, his voice ringing out among the crowd, over the soft sound of the music playing. "I want to congratulate the beautiful couple tonight on their engagement." He made eye contact with you and Hux, a smirk on his face as he did so, making your skin crawl.

"It takes a special person to fit into this lifestyle and I am thankful that Armitage here has found a woman that is not only loyal to him but also loyal to the family." Snoke motioned around the room, at all of the mafia members that were filling the space.

Your eyes trailed over to Kylo, locking stares with him. Both of you knew how disloyal you were to Hux. The reminder was suffocating.

Snoke continued to talk about how important it was to choose the right people to be in this life and about how Hux found that with you. To the entire room, it was sweet, that the big mob boss was giving his blessing. But you knew the real meaning behind his words. They were a threat, reminding you that he was the one deciding that this marriage was going to happen and you were going to have to go through with it.

You felt like you were going to be sick. The reminder of how dangerous this all was washing over you. Regardless of how much you trusted Kylo to pull through with his plan to get rid of Hux in a way that would keep you safe from Snoke, it was still all so risky and there was that small chance that Kylo's plan wouldn't work. You couldn't imagine what it would be like if you actually had to go through with this marriage or worse, if you or Kylo got hurt.

"I'd like to propose a toast." Snoke was finishing up his speech, holding his glass of liquor up in the air. Everyone, including you, raised your glass up as well, following the protocol. "To the happy couple." Snoke winked at you as everyone made noises of agreement, taking sips from the drink in toast.

Kylo's was staring at you, mouth set in a straight line as he brought his cup up to his lips. That should be him, not Hux.

Hux felt a rush of excitement after hearing Snoke's blessing and from the way that everyone was watching the two of you. Feeling a boost of confidence, he brought you in closer to him and kissed you on the lips, everyone's eyes on you.

You froze at the contact but shut your eyes and tried your best to kiss him back casually, wanting this to look legitimate to everyone around you. You heard the party goers cheer for the display of affection you were putting on and it just made Hux kiss you deeper, dipping you slightly so that he was holding you against his chest.

"Gross." Vicrul muttered next to Kylo, watching it happen, wincing.

"I can't wait to fucking kill him." Kylo muttered under his breath, loud enough for only Vicrul to hear. "We're going to do it as soon as possible, alright?" His eyes were glaring, watching the way that Hux kissed you and held you close. His glass in his hand almost shattered from the way he was angrily gripping it.

Vicrul nodded in agreement, "Whenever you want. You just gotta say the word." He assured Kylo, "You know we can't wait to do it." He smirked at the thought. The Knights weren't exactly fans of Hux either, they were all thrilled at the opportunity to take him out.

A dark smirk formed on Kylo's face as well, imagining how satisfying it was going to be to kill Hux once and for all. As much as he hated seeing another man kiss you and claim you, the knowledge that Kylo still had the upper hand was making this hurt less than it should've. A part of him even enjoyed it, the amount of power he currently had over Hux. It was a power trip.

When Hux stopped kissing you, he had a cocky grin on his face, enjoying the way that everyone had just witnessed the closeness between you two. It made him feel better about selling this relationship to them, maybe it made it all more believable.

There were a few people standing next to you and Hux and they began speaking to you both about how happy they were for you and giving advice on how to start planning the wedding. It was all too much.

Kylo was getting antsy across the room. He had done such a good job at minding his business throughout the night but after seeing you and Hux kiss each other, he felt his insecurity and jealousy creep up more than before. He couldn't do this anymore.

You excused yourself from the conversation, needing an escape from this. Your eyes went to the direction of the bathroom, quickly rushing over there, needing a moment to yourself without any prying eyes. As you opened the door, you reached into your purse to find your phone, wanting to text Kylo and tell him to leave, it was becoming too hard to handle being so close to him.

But before you could get the chance, you felt a hand close in around your mouth from behind, silencing you. In the back of your mind, you heard the way that the bathroom door closed behind you and the lock clicked in place. You automatically went into survival mode, striking your elbow back behind you to come into contact with whoever was holding you tightly against them.

"It's just me." You heard Kylo whisper in your ear, making you instantly relax against him with a sigh. He was proud of you for using the self defense techniques he taught you and it made him pull you in closer affectionately. "Are you going to stay quiet for me, princess?" He asked you, voice low.

You nodded against his grip on your mouth. The bathroom was a single stall, there was no way that anyone could walk in on you two with the door locked. But still, the rush of being alone in a room with him at your own engagement party was making you dizzy.   
Kylo slowly released his hold on your face but kept his hands on your body, turning you around so that you were facing him. He stared down at you with concentrated eyes, jaw clenched tightly. "You can't hide from me all night." His hand went to wrap around your throat, "I've got you all alone now." He said in your ear in a quiet but commanding voice.

"Kylo..." You whispered, voice shaky. As hot as this was, it was such a bad idea. You hated how much you loved it. "We can't, what if-"

He interrupted you, "You don't get to tell me what I can do."

You froze, swallowing hard. You knew better than to try and argue with him when he got in these moods. He just watched you pretend to be engaged to someone all night and it made him feel weak and insecure. He needed to exert his power over you and this entire situation. You knew you had to stroke his ego to keep him from doing something stupid.

"You look so sexy tonight and you didn't even think I'd be around to see it...How naughty of you." Kylo was muttering softly, pushing your back against the counter top behind you as he did so. "You know you're only supposed to look this good for daddy."

You let him press your back against the edge of the counter that the sink was on, almost trembling at the way that he was staring at you as he leaned down over you.

"And then you ignore me all night? You couldn't even thank me for showing up to your little party." Kylo's thigh was parting your legs, pressing against you in a way that made you inhale sharply. "You're a bad girl." His hand hadn't left your throat the entire time and now he was putting pressure there as he spoke to you.

You couldn't speak. You were so overwhelmed by everything. Before he even got into the bathroom with you, you'd been nervous about him potentially blowing your cover but now that he was so close to you, you felt it even more. You two were playing a very dangerous game right now.

"And whose bad girl are you, hm?" Kylo's eyes were trained on you despite the glassiness of them, the alcohol making it harder for him to focus as much as he'd like to.

"Yours." You coughed out, talking in a barely audible voice, scared to alert anyone that there was someone in the bathroom with you.

"Say it." Kylo growled, squeezing your neck tightly. You were silent for only a second before he gave you a soft slap on your cheek, "You can do it. Fucking tell me."

You bit your lip, holding back a moan at the contact against your face. "I'm yours, Kylo." You said and he let out a grunt of disapproval, slapping you on the cheek again. Your eyes searched his expression, realizing that it wasn't what he wanted to hear. "I'm your bad girl, daddy." You breathed out, trying to give him what he wanted.

Kylo grinned at that, approving. "Yeah, you are, my bad girl...And she's so pretty, isn't she?" He hummed, his fingers caressing the skin that he'd just smacked. You sighed at his words, a smile creeping up on your face. "But she's a little slut." He growled, his fingers digging into your skin.

You made a small noise of surprise, looking up at him with wide eyes.

"Kissing that asshole in front of me, letting him touch you...You loved the attention, didn't you?" Kylo was talking to you in a hushed tone, keeping his grip tight on your face. His knee was grinding against you in a way that made you bite your lip. "Well you have my attention now, princess. You're all mine."

You whimpered at his words and the way that he somehow knew just how to rub against you, even with something as difficult to control as his thigh. "I'm yours." You repeated breathlessly.

"That's right you are. Daddy owns this perfect body." Kylo muttered. His lips went to your neck, kissing you and running his hands up and down your body, feeling the soft material of your expensive dress. You could hear the faint sound of music coming from the party and the noises of conversation. It reminded you how risky this was.

"Kylo, we have to stop." You sighed, arching your back up towards him. He was turning you on and you knew it was becoming more and more difficult to tell him to knock it off.

"What did I just say?" Kylo growled against your neck, sending vibrations through your skin. "You're mine," He squeezed your hip, "If I want to fuck you while your fiancé is in the next room, then I get to do that. You can't tell me no because it's not up to you, I own you."

You gasped at his words and at the realization that he was going all the way with this. He was going to fuck you right here and now. The thought of it made you tense up, the small purse that was in your hands fell out from your grip in surprise.

Kylo watched as your purse fell on the ground, contents of it spilling out as it did so. He almost ignored it, not wanting any distractions from you. He was aware that you two didn't have much time and he wanted to use it wisely. But then his eyes landed on a particular object that was on the ground.

"What's this?" He asked you, nudging it with his foot so that he could get a better look at it.

You glanced down and saw what he was referencing: the knife that the Knights gave you for Christmas. "A knife." You muttered, nervous that he would be upset that the Knights got you something like that.

Kylo smirked as he bent down to pick it up. He examined it in his hands, turning it over in the light. He knew that the Knights bought you this as a present, they asked for his permission beforehand.

"God, you really are a bad girl, aren't you? Carrying around a weapon like daddy does." His blurry eyes grew darker as he stared at you.

You didn't know what to say, your heart was thumping and you were almost certain he'd be able to hear it.

Kylo unfolded the blade, the metal glimmering in the overhead light of the bathroom. He stared at it for a moment, testing out how sharp it was by very carefully running his finger over the sharp edge. He then looked back over at you, his smirk widening. "Who do you think you are? You're going to get yourself in trouble having this around." He teased you, backing you up further against the sink behind you.

You watched his hand gather the material of your dress and pull it up over your hips, letting it settle around your waist. His eyes landed on yours, knife twirling around in his fingers. It looked so small in his hands compared to yours.

"Little girls shouldn't play with knives." Kylo growled before his fingers hooked under the material of your underwear, pulling it away from your body so that he could run the knife against the lace, cutting your underwear off of you, leaving your bottom half completely naked.

You inhaled sharply as you watched the ruined material of your underwear fall to the ground by your feet and before you had time to react, Kylo was grabbing you and moving you so that your back was against his chest, hands on the counter in front of you to steady yourself.

"Do you wanna tell me to stop again, princess?" Kylo asked you, his mouth against your ear. He was staring at your reflection in the mirror and when he knew he had your attention, he brought the knife up to your throat. He wasn't touching you with it but just holding it there, a threat. "You wanna tell daddy 'no' when he has your pretty little knife against your neck? That doesn't seem very smart."

You could barely breathe, barely even think because of the layers of things going on at once. This was all so stupid, what if they noticed you were both gone or what if someone saw you leave the bathroom together? "Kylo, I don't think-"

He cut you off by touching your skin with the blade of the knife, not enough to dig into your skin but enough to threaten you with doing so. "Listen, we don't have much time, so you better do what I tell you to. I'm going to fuck you in this bathroom and you're going to stay quiet for me." As he spoke to you, he was undoing his belt behind you, keeping his eyes on you in the mirror. "If you make a sound, my hand might just slip and we wouldn't want that." He said, referencing the knife in his hand.

You bit your lip, staying focused on him in the reflection. You weren't able to nod your head in response and you didn't want to say yes out loud because he had just threatened you not to make any noise. But regardless of the risk, you wanted him so badly, you loved when he got like this. A minute ago you'd been telling him to stop because you were nervous to be caught and now you were obeying his every command, he had so much power over you.

Kylo yanked your dress further up your waist, making sure that it would stay up before he pushed down on your back, forcing you to bend over and rest your forearms against the bathroom counter.

He pulled his underwear down, pumping at his cock in his hand while keeping the knife against your neck. "You're going to take daddy's big dick and you're going to keep your mouth shut even though you'll want to scream for me. I don't want you to say a word." He was muttering to himself, stroking himself quicker.

He spit on his hand and rubbed it along his cock before repeating the same action but instead rubbing his slicked fingers along your entrance, making sure that you were ready for him. Then, abruptly, Kylo thrusted inside of you.

You took a deep breath, shutting your eyes tightly to stop yourself from moaning out just like he had warned you not to. You hadn't had sex with Kylo in what felt like such a long time because he'd been recovering. It was so nice to have him inside of you again, it felt so familiar regardless of how unfamiliar this current situation was.

Kylo was having the same thoughts. Regardless of how cold and demanding he was being right now, you were still his girl and the feeling of having sex with you would always make him feel weak, no matter what else was going on.

"Oh fuck," Kylo sighed quietly, hand going to your ass to squeeze you there while his hips starting moving in a rushed motion, knowing that you both had to make this quick in order to not get caught. "You're so tight, baby, I missed this pussy so much." He was looking down at the way your bodies were meeting, the way that his cock was delving deep inside of you, "My pussy." He added in a low voice.

Your hands were grasping at the edge of the counter top, taking deep breaths in the quietest way that you could. The feeling of the cold metal against your throat was sending a rush of arousal straight to your core. It was all so fucked up and you loved it.

"You like that daddy's fucking you in a bathroom like a dirty slut? You wouldn't do this for anyone else, you are such a whore for me." Kylo was talking in a hushed tone but you were able to hear every word, his deep voice resonating through you.

"What would Hux do if he knew that his pretty little fianceé was getting split in half by my cock a few feet away from him? That she's fucking dripping because she knows I could cut her if she tries to tell me to stop? He has no idea that you're going to walk back out into that party and be filled with my fucking cum." He was bent over now, wildly thrusting in and out of you with his mouth close to your ear.

You stifled a whimper, making eye contact with him in the reflection of the mirror in front of you. You hoped that the sounds of your bodies slapping against each other wasn't too loud. The thrill of someone potentially knowing the filthy things that you two were doing was making your head pound in the best way.

"What was that?" Kylo teased you, hearing the tiny noise that you made and attempted to cover up. "It's almost as if you want someone to catch us. Is that true, princess? You want someone to knock on the door and catch me treating you like a fucking whore? I bet you do, you'd love to have an entire fucking audience, wouldn't you? You're pathetic, you should be embarrassed."

He kept the knife against your throat as he moved his hand on your ass down in between your legs, finding your swollen clit. "I want us to finish at the same time but you have to stay quiet for me."

You nodded slightly, not wanting to move too much and have the sharp edge of the knife cut you. "Please." You whispered in a soft voice. It was always shocking how quickly Kylo could figure out just how to touch you, he was so good at it, he knew your body so well.

"I didn't say you could talk." Kylo hissed, his large fingers rubbing quicker at your clit, "Don't make me hurt you." He added, the knife glinting in the light at his words, reenforcing his point.

Kylo continued to fuck you, his hips smacking against your ass as he did so. He was moaning very softly, the noises of the party outside of the door was mostly all that could be heard. He was close, it had been so long since he had sex with you, he couldn't hold himself back now that he was getting it.

"Cum for me, princess, I need you to fucking cum on my cock." Kylo growled, his thrusts in time with the way that he was stroking your bundle of nerves, "Be a good little whore and cum for me right now."

If his movements hadn't been enough for you to reach your orgasm, his words would've gotten you there in no time. You bit your bottom lip in concentration, feeling your muscles tense up and warmth spread throughout your body. You had to remind yourself to be quiet as you came, wanting so badly to yell out Kylo's name.

Kylo felt the way you clenched around him and at the focused look on your face and he couldn't help himself. "Oh fuck. I'm cumming, princess, filling you up-you're mine, you're all mine." He was rambling to himself, words spilling out of his lips while he spilled his seed inside of you.

The two of you took a few moments to collect yourselves, taking deep breaths and not parting from each other. Kylo took the knife away from your throat, closing the blade and setting it by the sink in front of you.

"Hey," He whispered, trying to get your attention.

You blinked as you looked ahead at his reflection. You were a mess and you were just trying to get your senses back.

A few moments of silence passed while he stared at you. "I love you." Kylo said, surprised at the way the admission came out of his mouth without even thinking about it. His eye twitched, feeling nervous to say those words out loud, he hadn't even meant to. But you looked so beautiful and he was so grateful to have you even if no one else knew that he did.

You were shocked but you tried not to show it, not wanting him to be embarrassed. "I love you, Kylo." You said to him gently, keeping your eyes on him in the mirror.

He was suddenly overwhelmed by the emotion and he put a hand on your shoulder, pulling you towards him in a way that turned you around to face him. Kylo was silent as he moved your dress back down over your hips, helping you straighten it out. He then wiped at a few streaks of makeup that had smudged and moved strands of your hair back into their original places.

"I'm sorry for all of that, I just..." Kylo trailed off, trying to figure out how he wanted to word it as he bent down to pull his pants and underwear back on. "I hate seeing you with him, no matter how fake I know it is. I just needed some control." He explained to you. He didn't really need to explain it, he knew that you loved when he got rough like that but still, he found himself wanting to share how he felt.

It didn't matter that he was aware of how much you were pretending to like being around Hux. It still bothered him to know that you had an entire years worth of history with him, even if it was surface level, it was something that Kylo could never have. He couldn't make up for lost time with you and he wished that he could.

"Don't apologize." You assured him, smoothing out some wrinkles left behind in your dress. "That was really fucking hot." You added with a grin.

That caused Kylo to grin back, bending down to kiss you softly, the first time he'd done so that night.

When he parted, he sighed, "I need to get back. So do you." He said, glancing at the clock on the wall. You two hadn't been gone for a suspicious amount of time, it would just be important that no one saw that you'd been in the bathroom together. "I'll leave and you clean yourself up, come out in a minute or so." He instructed you.

Kylo stood back from you, glancing in the mirror over your shoulder to make sure that he was put together. "Oh, and don't forget those." He added with a smirk, pointing down at your cut up panties that were still on the ground. 

You did as Kylo told you. You waited enough time to make sure that no one would think that you two were leaving together and put yourself back together enough to not show any evidence (you wrapped your underwear in a few paper towels and threw them in the trash, making sure to cover it with a few other paper towels as well).

Leaving the bathroom, you were cautious, looking around to make sure that no one was waiting in line and would've seen Kylo leave. Instead, you ran right into Vicrul who had been standing in front of the door.

He smirked, arms across his chest. "You okay? You were in there a while." Vicrul teased you.

"Were you there the whole time?" You asked, looking around to see if there had been any other witnesses.

"Kylo needed someone to watch the door. Don't worry, a few people walked by but I told them that one of the Knights was puking in there and they just kept going." Vicrul said, proud of himself. He had been like a watchdog, guarding the door to make sure that no one thought anything suspicious was going on.

You couldn't help but chuckle, shaking your head. "You're the best, Vic." You said to him which earned you a large smile from him in response. You started walking back into the party, not wanting to take any more time away from it.

"Oh, I'm glad our Christmas present was useful to you already. The other guys will be excited to hear that you enjoyed it." Vicrul said to you. He may or may not have had his ear pressed up to the door when there was no one around, wanting to hear what you and Kylo were up to.

You glanced at him over your shoulder, a look of surprise on your face. "Pervert." You said jokingly before turning back around and walking away, laughing to yourself as you did so.

As you made your way into the party space, the smile was instantly wiped from your face.

Kylo was standing in the corner of the room and Snoke was talking to him. They were clearly in the middle of an argument and it broke your heart to see how childish Kylo looked, as if he were being scolded by a parent. Your mind started racing with possibilities. Maybe it had nothing to do with you, maybe Snoke was mad about some business deal that didn't concern you at all. You couldn't shake the sick feeling though.

Then, you felt someone grip the back of your arm and before you could turn to see who it is, you felt the brush of what felt like facial hair against your ear. "Come with me. We need to talk alone." It was Hux.

You tried to turn around in his hold, to see what his expression was but he didn't let you budge. "About what? What's wrong?" You asked him quickly, trying to sound casual even though you felt a pit of guilt inside.

He was silent as he kept his hand around your arm and he pushed you towards the direction you'd just left, wanting you alone. You let him guide you, too nervous to protest against it.

Once you two were in a deserted hallway, Hux finally let go of you, allowing you to turn to face him. He was angry, face red and breathing heavily.

"I can't keep pushing this off." Hux said in a hushed tone. "It's time we talk about Kylo Ren."


	35. Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Warnings: Violence/fighting. Eventual CNC. Ya know, the usual.)

_"I can't keep pushing this off." Hux said in a hushed tone. "It's time we talk about Kylo Ren."_

Oh, Kylo Ren. Sure. No big deal. Just the man that you were madly in love with. The same one that was planning to kill the man across from you and the same one who had just fucked you in the bathroom while holding a knife to your throat.

You were surprised that it took this long for him to be brought up again. There was that time, when Hux stopped by unannounced and Kylo had to hide in the closet. That had been the confrontation that was closest to this. But this was so much worse.

You were so frustrated. In just a few days, Hux was supposed to be dead and this was all supposed to be over. But this could complicate things and god, you really hoped not. You were so sick of hiding and waiting.

"What about him?" You asked Hux, trying your best to hide the way that the mention of his name made your heart pound practically out of your chest. This wasn't good, you could sense it. You saw the way that Kylo was being scolded by Snoke and based on the look on Hux's face, he wasn't happy either.

" _What about him_? Really?" Hux repeated in an incredulous tone, an angry chuckle leaving his chest. "How about this? I know you just snuck off with him at our own engagement party. Who knows what the fuck you did together but I would place high bets on the fact that it wasn't the first time."

You said nothing, mind reeling.

"It _wasn't_ the first time, was it?" Hux asked you, disgusted, "Actually don't even answer that because I know the truth. I see the way you look at each other, the way he talks to you, _fuck_ , the way he talks _about_ you...He lives down the hall from you, I don't even want to think about how much time you two probably spend together."

You weren't sure what to say. You spent so much time denying your relationship with Kylo that seeing him talk to blatantly about it caught you off guard. You weren't sure if you should keep up the act or come clean. You wondered what Kylo would tell you to do, you wished he were there to help you.

Hux was infuriated by your silence and from the dumbstruck look on your face. You had the ability to ruin the lives of people around you and then act innocent about it, it drove him crazy.

Hux had always been suspicious about you and Kylo. Even from the first couple of weeks that he moved back and Kylo revealed that he stopped by your college's gallery to see your art and he made that large donation in your name, Hux knew that he should be suspicious.

But now, you had shown him right to his face and worse, you had done it right in front of Snoke as well.

He moved so that he had you closer to the wall, in the corner of the hallway so that you weren't able to move around and walk away from him. "You think you're so much smarter than me, don't you? That I'm oblivious to what you've been doing behind my back for months?"

"Armie-" You started but he interrupted you.

"Don't call me that." He said quickly, eyes set narrowly on you. "Don't talk to me like you love me because I'm fully aware that you don't. You haven't loved me for a while." Hux said to you, still keeping you backed in the corner.

"Well it's not like you love me. You never did." You quickly countered, "I don't know if you've ever even _liked_ me." You said, thinking about it. When did he ever demonstrate that he was interested in a word you had to say if you weren't stroking his ego?

"And you think Ren does?" Hux asked you, almost amused despite his frustration. "Can you honestly say that you think Kylo Ren loves you?"

You were silent, thinking of all the times Kylo told you so, how he had said it to you in the bathroom moments ago, even. You knew Kylo loved you. You never had to question it because you felt it too.

"That's hilarious." Hux began laughing, shaking his head. "Don't be delusional. He's using you. From the very beginning he used you to get under my skin...You fell for it, you're _still_ falling for it."

"You don't know what you're talking about and I'd stop before I have to say things that will hurt you." You told him in a warning tone. Hux was putting the pieces together but you were sure he didn't know all the details. You had so many things you could tell him that would humiliate him. You could tell him all the reasons you knew Kylo loved you if you needed to.

"In order to hurt me, I'd have to care about you." Hux said lowly, locking eyes with you in a way that made your stomach drop. It wasn't that his words themselves hurt you but he had never spoken to you like this before, mainly because he never wanted to deal with the fallout of being honest with you. But it was almost scary, to see the amount of resentment that he hid away from you at all times.

Hux noticed the look on your face and it just upset him further. "Don't act so surprised, have you forgotten why we got together in the first place? This was never some romantic love story." He asked you, his tone was quieter than what he wanted to express, not wanting anyone in the next room to hear.

You thought back to it. You were supposed to be killed, for killing the troopers who killed your father. But Hux saved you by making up some excuse that he could interrogate you separately and get more information from you. When it came time to kill you, you told Hux you loved him so that he would spare your life. And he convinced himself he loved you too. For whatever reason, Snoke let him keep you around. What a mistake.

"All I wanted was more involvement in the mob and the picture perfect life. I wanted a nice house, a beautiful wife, a lot of money and a lot of power..." Hux began explaining to you. "You can't bring just any woman into this life and when I saw you, I realized you were perfect because of the situation you were in. I thought I'd never have to question your loyalty because your loyalty to me and this lifestyle was a threat that I could always hold over your head. But it wasn't enough was it? You _still_ had to betray me."

This entire time you were with Hux, you knew it was just a transaction. He saved your life and paid for you to do what you wanted so in return, you just had to act like his happy, subservient girlfriend. And you were able to do that for a while but you couldn't live that way forever. If it hadn't been Kylo, it would've been someone or something else to make you realize that.

"All you had to do was mind your business and take what I provided for you and do a few favors for me every once and awhile. But you had to ruin it all by going behind my back and doing the one thing that would upset me the most." Hux hissed, finger pointing at you accusingly, "You let Ren win."

Everything was so much easier before Kylo got here. As unhappy as you were, it was so much easier to just go along with whatever Hux wanted. But you didn't regret any of it for a second. Not even now, when you felt like you could puke because you were so scared and nervous for what might happen in the future. You still would do it a million times over if it meant being with Kylo.

"I don't think there's anything I could've or couldn't have done. You know it too. No matter what, Kylo was always going to win." You said to Hux, finding your voice again, feeling more bold at the thought of the man you loved.

Hux's face flashed red, eyebrows shooting up.

At his silence, you continued. "Did you really think you'd be able to become more powerful than him? It doesn't matter if I was involved or not. Kylo will always have more respect than you and you're going to waste your entire life trying to chase after something unattainable. You're never going to be happy if you're working towards something you can't accomplish, if I were-"

Your ranting was cut off by the impact that you had just felt across your face.

Hux slapped you. Hard.

It was the first time he'd ever laid hands on you like that. You knew the other mob members did it to their girlfriends and wives. Most of them only knew violence and using it to get what they wanted, their romantic relationships were no different. But Hux had always restrained himself, preferring to just remove himself from the argument before it got to that point. But you were both so past that now, it was all so different.

You were in shock and judging by the look on Hux's face, he was as well. He hadn't even meant to do it, he was just so embarrassed and angry by your words that he acted on impulse. You were no longer his fianceé in his eyes. You were his enemy.

Not wanting to admit that he lost control of the situation, Hux pushed you against the corner, your back against the wall and him holding you in place, keeping up the act. "You're probably so proud of yourself, aren't you? For keeping this a secret for so long, for getting one over on me." He hissed, hand on your shoulders to keep you in place.

Subconsciously you could feel a warmness leaving your nose, indicating to you that it was bleeding. _Great_ , just what you needed.

"Well guess what? You haven't been the only one. Do you really think I haven't been seeing women behind your back the entire time we've been together?" Hux asked, smirking slightly at the expression on your face. "Do you think people didn't know about it? I bet they felt so bad for you. Turns out, you were just as bad as me, I spent so much time feeling guilty for fucking people while I was with you but that was so stupid. I should've let myself enjoy it like you do with _him_."

You supposed that shouldn't surprise you. You haven't had sex with him in such a long time and you had almost expected him to get it somewhere else. But you were somewhat shocked that he'd been able to hide it from you in the beginning, if he was telling the truth about that.

"Actually, you can tell your new best friend, what's his name, Vicrul? That the reason he hasn't been seeing his girlfriend much is because she's been with me." Hux grinned, satisfied, "She told me that he's been worried about him finding out, you might as well tell him. We both know your loyalty lies there anyways."

Although he wasn't a saint himself, the idea of cheating on someone as sweet and handsome as Vicrul was mind blowing to you but not exactly shocking. Most of the mob girlfriends were just climbers and would be with whoever had the most power to get more of it themselves. Even though Vicrul might be a better boyfriend in multiple aspects, Hux was higher on the mafia food chain than him. And although Hux said it in a condescending way, you did consider Vic your closest friend right now. You felt the need to defend him.

"What a downgrade for her." You said simply, raising an eyebrow as a smirk grew on your face. It was almost as if you could see the steam comically coming out of Hux's ears at that statement.

Usually you did your best to keep things civil so that it didn't escalate between the two of you. But feeling the blood leaving your nose from the slap he gave you was sort of ending that pacificity.

Hux blinked in response, trying to collect himself. You were never this bold. He couldn't help but realize that your sarcastic remark is something that Kylo would easily say. In fact, when you said it, he almost heard it replayed in his mind as Kylo's voice.

That made him even angrier. Kylo was so skilled with taking over every aspect of Hux's life and wrenching it away from him. It wasn't fair.

WIthout thinking, letting his rage take over, Hux slapped you again.

This time you audibly groaned, still pained from the first time he did it. You instantly fought back, bringing a knee up to his stomach, making him double over in pain.

"Do you feel better?" You asked him, wiping at the blood on your nose. "Hitting me really solved all your problems, didn't it? Good job." You added, more irritated by the smacks that he had landed on you than anything else.

"You're such a bitch." He grumbled, the air knocked out of him from the way that you had hit his stomach.

"I know." You replied, unable to stop the smirk that was on your lips as you did so as you watched him struggle to catch his breath.   
  
  
  
  


The entire time that you and Hux had been arguing, Kylo had been dealing with his own demons as well. The demon in question being Snoke.

Right when Hux dragged you away to the hallway, Snoke had taken Kylo outside with him, through the back door where the two of them could be alone:

"This engagement was supposed to stop the two of you." Snoke said, puffing on a cigar, barely even glancing over at the man he was speaking to.

"I don't know what you mean." Kylo said, playing dumb.

Snoke let out a humorless chuckle, shaking his head. "No amount of pussy is worth killing yourself over. You get that, right? Don't tell me you see her as anything more than just that because she's not. I can get you ten girls to replace her in a heartbeat."

Kylo's jaw clenched but he said nothing, knowing better than to talk back to his boss. But the thought of replacing you with someone else was almost laughable. It would be impossible, you were so special to him.

"I asked Hux to propose to her because I thought it would keep you away from her. I don't mind if she distracts _him_ but I couldn't have her keep distracting _you_. You and Hux can hate each other all that you want but once the other men started finding out that it was all because of some girl...You were losing respect very quickly, Ren. I can't have that." Snoke finally glanced over with a look of disgust.

Kylo averted his eyes. He hated to admit it but whenever he was around Snoke, he reverted back to a younger and insecure version of himself. He couldn't help it. Snoke was the one who took him in and made him who he was today, he would always feel the need to please him and even if he was doing well, he never felt like he was good enough.

"So then why wouldn't you let _me_ be with her? Have me propose to her instead of Hux to keep him away?" Kylo asked in a small voice, "It doesn't exactly look good that your underboss lost the fight to your consigliere, does it?"

Snoke laughed out loud at that, a dark and menacing chuckle. "I didn't want you to be with her because I didn't want her to ruin you. You've been so hesitant lately, not wanting to leave to go on meetings for me or choosing the least dangerous runs to go on...I'm not stupid, Ren, I know why. You think of _her_ with every choice you make. I can't have you do that anymore, you're bringing down the entire organization with your softness."

Kylo felt like he was being scolded and really, he was. He swallowed hard. His life would be so much easier if he wasn't in love with you.

He needed to say something to satisfy Snoke.

"What if I told you that we were done sneaking around? This was it. Her engagement party was what we decided our last night together was. Starting tomorrow, we're done." Kylo asked Snoke, still unable to look at him as he spoke. It was a lie. He was far from willing to leave you. But he was also willing to say anything to get Snoke off of his back right now.

Snoke was staring at Kylo in a searching, suspicious way. "You've done nothing to betray my trust in the time I've known you. I hope you're telling the truth because that would be very wise of you. Walk away from her tonight and don't look back." He advised him.

Kylo nodded, "Yes, sir." He said in a faraway voice, trying to do his best to pretend that it was the case.

Snoke placed a hand on his shoulder, patting him there. "Do the right thing, Ren. Do what's best for the family, you know what you need to do."   
  
  
  
  
  


When Kylo got back into the party, the Knights were oblivious to everything that had just gone on. In their eyes, he had just gotten laid in the bathroom and was probably ready to keep partying. So, of course, they were all doing shots while waiting for him to come back.

"We want you to have two because you need to catch up to us." Trudgen grinned, holding up one of the little glasses of amber liquid up to Kylo.

Kylo was obviously grumpy but didn't make any attempt to explain what was going on. His mind was going too quickly and he was too focused on what he needed to do next to say any of it out loud. Wordlessly, he grabbed the shot glass and tipped it back, needing a little bit of something to help him relax after the conversation he just had.

The Knights cheered for him, happy that he was drinking the alcohol provided, but Vicrul could see that something was up. "What happened?" He asked Kylo, growing wary at the lack of response from him.

Kylo shook his head, not wanting to talk about it right now. "Where is she?" He asked. He didn't need to say your name, everyone knew who he was talking about. His eyes scanned around the room, trying to find you in the sea of people.

Vicrul shrugged in response and glanced over at the other Knights who shrugged as well. They had been so caught up in getting a round of drinks that they didn't keep their eyes on you. To be fair, it wasn't like the Knights thought that you were in danger at your own party.

Kylo rolled his eyes at their uselessness. He grabbed the other shot glass and drank it, setting it back on the table. "If I don't come back, come find me." He said to Vicrul, trusting him the most out of all of the guys regardless of their drunken state.

Vicrul gave him a nod of understanding. He hated seeing Kylo unsure, he always seemed like he knew what was going on.  
  
  
  
  
  


As Hux recovered from the way you kneed his stomach, Kylo was turning the corner and entering the hallway that the two of you were standing in. He stopped in his tracks when his eyes landed on you. Mostly, because you were who he was looking for. But also, because of the blood that you were wiping away from your nose.

Kylo paced towards the two of you, a deadly look on his face, his fists clenching and unclenching as he did so.

You shook your head at Kylo, "It's not worth it." You said to him, starting to move towards him in hopes to get in between him and Hux. As much as you'd love to see Kylo beat Hux's ass, this was the worst place to do so and you didn't want anything getting in the way of him actually killing him when he planned to.

Hux straightened up abruptly at the sound of footsteps and when he realized that you were speaking to someone. When he saw that it was Kylo who was approaching him, he groaned under his breath, not ready for this.

"What happened?" Kylo asked, motioning towards you. Hux wasn't answering fast enough so he grabbed him by his shirt, backing him up so that he had him pressed against the wall. "Huh? What the _fuck_ happened?" He growled, "Did you fucking touch her? Did you hurt her?"

"Kylo-" You tried to interrupt, wiping quickly at your nose as if you could remove the blood and calm him down if he wasn't seeing it.

Hux was attempting to push Kylo off of him but it was difficult because he didn't have any leverage with the way that his back was against the wall. "It's over, Ren. Let it go." He said through gritted teeth, pushing him away.

"It hasn't started." Kylo said, angrily swinging and meeting Hux's face with his fist, punching him in the face. "You're such a fucking pussy and everyone knows it. You think you'll feel like more of a man if you hit her? You're pathetic." Kylo hissed while punching Hux again.

You were frozen, watching this go down. You weren't sure how to intervene. Physically, you couldn't. They were both bigger than you, there wouldn't be a way for you to separate the two of them. But you knew this was so stupid, Snoke was in the next room.

Hux spit in Kylo's face and used the way that it surprised him to push him away from him. Hux moved from the wall, landing a punch to Kylo's stomach before hitting him in the face as well when he doubled over.

"Stop! Don't do this here." You tried to interrupt them and stand in between them. You knew if Kylo thought you were going to get hurt, he'd stop right away.

But Hux was pushing you out of the way and telling you to leave them alone. "Get cleaned up, go back to the party." He ordered you. He didn't want you around (mainly so you didn't see the way Kylo was most likely going to kick his ass) but he also didn't want anyone seeing the blood on your face.

"No. Get the Knights." Kylo said to you, wiping his face off as he approached Hux again, hands up in a pose ready to hit him or defend himself if he needed to.

You nodded, comfortable with taking Kylo's orders instead of Hux's. You took one last look at the two of them before rushing off to the main party area.

Hux groaned under his breath at the way that you obviously obeyed Kylo over him. It was like a slap to his face. And then, as the back of Kylo's hand came down on his cheek, there was another slap to his face, a real one.

You made your way into the main party room, ignoring all of the whispers and stares that you were receiving. It was really not what anyone was expecting. To see the woman who the engagement party was for, rushing into the room with her nose and expensive dress covered in blood.

When the Knights caught a glimpse of you, they all quickly stood up from the table they were crowded around. They all had been discussing whether it was time for them to go find out what Kylo was up to and seeing you in the state that you were currently in, they realized that they probably should've tried to find him a few minutes ago.

You said nothing but when you saw that they were ready to follow you, you began moving back towards the hallway. They were closely behind you, telling the people who were staring at you to mind their business and stay there when guests made the move to follow you.

As the group of you got back into the hallway, it was clear to you that the fight quickly escalated in the time that you left the two men alone. They were currently on the ground, Kylo on top of Hux landing various punches to his face and chest while Hux was holding his arms up in defense and landing hits where he could.

The Knights moved in around the pair and attempted to move Kylo off of him but he pushed them away. Even though he had been the one to tell you to get them, now that he was actually beating Hux's ass, he didn't want to stop. They had so much tension and unfinished business that this fight was a way to release it.

"Go ahead. Let them end the fight, Ren. You make them do everything for you anyways." Hux coughed out. He was trying to say something that gave off fake confidence because in reality he felt like an idiot for getting his ass kicked at his own party. This was definitely not how he envisioned the night going.

At that, Kylo punched him again, "You're lucky I don't fucking kill you right now." He growled, holding down the man below him with his knee to his stomach. "If Snoke wasn't here you'd have a bullet in your face instead of my fist."

Hux let out a strained laugh, blocking a hit with his arms. "If Snoke wasn't here I would've kicked you out the second you walked in the door." He said to him, "I guess I should've done that anyways because if you weren't here, how else would you have been able to sneak away and fuck my whore of a fianceé?"

You reacted to that statement, taking a step towards the pair and Vicrul grabbed your arm to hold you back so that you stayed in your place. Nothing would be accomplished by walking over and stomping on Hux's head but damn, would it be satisfying.

Kylo reacted to his statement as well. As much as Hux could talk shit about him, the second that you were brought up, it was hard for him to control his anger. You weren't a whore, you were his _princess_.

He reached into his suit jacket, pulling out a gun and pressing it under Hux's chin. "Keep talking. What was she again? Say it." Kylo urged him, eyes wild and chest heaving. "Just because she'd rather fuck me than you doesn't make her a whore. It makes her smart." He said, unable to stop the dark smirk on his face.

Kylo continued, "What if I was the last thing you saw before you died? How would that feel, Hux? To know that you'd be looking into the eyes of the man who was inside of your fianceé a few minutes ago?"

Hux was frozen in place. Even though he knew that Kylo probably wouldn't kill him right then and there, he was also aware of how angry the man was on top of him, almost feral and he could smell the whiskey on his breath. He was nervous that he'd lose control and pull the trigger.

"Kylo, don't." You warned him. Even though the plan was to kill Hux, this was not the time or place. There were so many people in the next room that would be involved and there would be no way to hide it from Snoke if he was in the same building.

Kylo's head snapped towards you and took in the way that you were nervously staring at him. Seeing your wide eyes and the blood on your skin reminded him of what he was doing at this party in the first place. He loved you and if he killed Hux right now, it would ruin his chances of being with you.

"She's right." A voice said from behind you. Snoke's. "Get off of him, Ren."

Kylo's determination quickly dissolved when he saw his boss standing beside you, staring down at him disapprovingly. Once again, he felt like a child and right now, he felt like he was being caught doing something that was going to get him in trouble. His angry eyes slowly faded away to large worried ones.

"And put that gun away. Don't be stupid." Snoke added, irritation evident in his voice. He then looked down at you, a sneer on his face. "Go home. Everyone needs to go home, the party's over."

You swallowed hard and looked over, watching the way that Kylo got off of Hux and the two men shakily stood up, wiping the blood off of themselves and straightening out their expensive suits in vain.

Kylo's gaze met yours, eye twitching. All he wanted to do was hold you.   
  
  
  
  
  


You were back at your apartment now, the warm water from your shower hitting your back. You didn't know how to feel. Everything escalated so quickly at the party, it was supposed to be quick and easy. You left in a car sent for you before Kylo did and you were getting worried at the fact that he hadn't stopped by your apartment yet. You hoped he was okay.

Rinsing the shampoo from your hair with a sigh, you were relieved when you heard the faraway sound of your door unlocking and shutting.

"It's me." Kylo's voice called out, "It's daddy." He added and you could hear the smirk in his voice as he did so.

You wiped away a small portion of the steam that collected on your shower door so you were able to look out of it. You watched as Kylo entered the bathroom, still wearing his rumpled and stained suit from earlier. He must've come here straight from the party. After he got naked, he stepped into the shower, letting out a billow of steam as he did so.

You stepped away from the stream of water so that he could get under it. You tried to avoid the blood that swirled around the drain as it washed off of his body, in between his feet.

You were quiet, you weren't sure what to say.

Kylo was just as silent as you were. Really, he was embarrassed at how angry he'd gotten earlier.

"What happens now?" You asked him in a faraway voice, unable to meet his eyes. You continued to stare at the blood mixing with the water on the tiles of your shower.

"I don't know." He said to you in a mumble, reaching over to grab some soap.

You bit your lip. You hated when he didn't know the answers, he always did. It made you so uneasy.

"The plan originally was to kill Hux tomorrow. I knew exactly how we were going to do it, all the details." Kylo explained, running his hands over his chest, leaving lathers of soap behind. "It'll be harder now. He's more suspicious and Snoke might not believe my cover up."

You didn't say anything for a while as you thought about it. "I can't keep doing this." When you met his dark eyes, you let your resolve crumble, your lip quivering. "I can't keep waiting around." 

Kylo made a grunt of agreement, turning away from you so that he could let the water run over his face and chest. He was so sick of waiting around too.

With his back towards you, you let the tears fall from your eyes. You were so frustrated. Tonight was supposed to just be a few hours of being miserable and pretending to be in love with Hux to please Snoke. Kylo was supposed to kill Hux soon and all of this could be over. You could be together. But he fucked that all up tonight by fighting with him the way he did. Now, Hux's death was going to be traced right back to Kylo, he would be the first suspect in Snoke's mind.

Kylo quickly turned around when he heard you sniffle, the sounds of you crying.

You ducked your head from him, suddenly embarrassed. You wanted to be strong for him all of the time, you hated when you weren't able to be.

"Why are you upset?" He asked you, his voice steady even though he had a deep frown on his face.

"Why am I upset?" You repeated, frustration bubbling up. "I'm upset because I feel like we talk about the same shit everyday. We keep saying that Hux will be gone soon, we'll be together soon, everything will be okay soon. But I just want it _now_. I don't care if that's ignorant or selfish. I _want_ _you_ , Kylo. I'm so fucking tired of this."

It was always Kylo's instant reaction to feel defensive when he knew he was upsetting someone. And he almost got that way with you, he was ready to defend the reason why it was taking so long, to explain all of the tiny details that were important to make sure things went according to plan. But then he heard your words, that you _wanted him_ , and saw the desperate look in your eyes and the aggression faded away.

He made his way over to you, pushing his wet hair away from his face. "I know, princess." He said in a gentle voice. Kylo put his fingers under your chin, tilting your head so that you were forced to look up at him. "I shouldn't have lost control earlier but when I saw that he hurt you..." He trailed off, swallowing hard at the memory of blood on your face. "I know it's tough but I mean it when I say this will all be over very soon."

You frowned but your heart thumped at the honest way he was speaking to you.

"Do you trust me?" Kylo asked you. He knew you did but there was still a spark of suspicion in him. He'd never understand how he deserved someone like you.

"Yes." You answered him, eyes on his. "I trust you, Kylo. I'm just getting exhausted from this."

"Me too." Kylo sighed, his fingers caressing your skin as he continued to hold you in place. "But you're such a good girl for me. You've done such a good job being patient while I figure things out." He said to you before leaning down and kissing you softly.

You practically melted into his arms, sighing into the way it felt so good to just relax because he was here with you. This night had been so stressful and all you wanted to do was rely on him and know that it was going to be okay.

He pulled away from you, hand trailing up and down your arm. "You know daddy's gonna take care of you, don't you? It's hard right now but it won't always be this way. I'll give you everything you want, I promise."

You nodded, "Okay, daddy." You agreed with him and hearing you call him that nickname on your own made Kylo widely grin, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you in closer to his chest.

"Let me get you clean so I can make you cum, princess. Would you like that?" Kylo asked you, eyes dancing just at the mention of it. He felt guilty for making tonight hard and he still felt protective over you after seeing you get hurt and deal with the stress of all of it.

Your grin matched his now, standing on your toes so that you could kiss him. You'd definitely like that.

Kylo took his time washing your body and hair. His strong hands that had punched Hux until he bled and almost pulled the trigger on him as well, were the same hands that ran through your hair and over your skin, so gentle and careful. You'd both been quiet for the rest of the shower, finding comfort in the company of each other.

It didn't matter how chaotic everything else was right now. You had each other and this moment.

He had you wrapped up in one of your plush towels, drying you off while his own towel was resting on his hips. As much as you wanted all of this struggle to be over, being alone with him right now and having him be so attentive with you was enough to make you forget it all. At least just for the next couple of hours, before you two had to wake up in the morning and face everything.

No matter how sweet he was being to you right now, you still felt a creeping sensation of frustration at the fact that you two had been so close to finishing what you had planned and Kylo's fight tonight had set the two of you back. You needed him to distract you.

Kylo could see that your mind was wandering, gears turning in thought, and he bent down. He picked you up from the ground, earning a surprised laugh from you as he held you close to his chest. He made his way into your bedroom and set you down gently on the bed, the towel that he'd previously wrapped around you opening slightly.

Kylo stood from the side of the bed, staring down at you with a concentrated look in his eyes. His fingers ran from your thigh up to the material of the towel. He pushed it away, slowly revealing your naked body to him. He inhaled at the sight of it, fingers trailing up from your thigh up to your stomach, to your breasts.

You reacted to his touch, goosebumps forming and you began squirming underneath him at the feather like feeling.

"So gorgeous." Kylo hummed, approving. His hand went from in between your breasts up to your neck. He wrapped his hand around you there. Not squeezing but just securely holding you in place. "How do you want it, baby? You tell daddy how you want him to fuck you."

You smiled softly at his words and at the safe feeling that was washing over you as he touched you. "I don't want to think about anything. I want to turn my brain off, I just want you."

Kylo nodded at that. He felt the same way. His hand moved from your neck up to your cheek, his thumb running over your lips as he continued to stare down at you. Droplets of water ran from his hair down his chest. He looked like a God.

"Stay here." He said to you with a hint of a smirk on his face.

You did as he said, watching him go back into the bathroom. Where else would you go?

When he came back out, you raised an eyebrow at him. He had his silk tie in his hand that he had previously discarded onto the floor when he got into the shower with you. It wasn't clicking right away but then when he nodded towards your headboard and said 'up', telling you to scoot up there, you realized what he was thinking.

You did as he said, eyes dancing excitedly. Kylo pulled at the towel that was underneath of you, tossing it into the open bathroom door. He then took your hands and put them above your head, able to hold both of your wrists in just one of his hands. He led them up to one of the poles of your headboard.

"I'm gonna tie your pretty little hands together and I want you to let me do what I want with you. Do you understand?" Kylo asked you and began doing as he described. He wrapped his tie around your wrists and the post of the bed, being so careful the entire time he did so. He grabbed your arms and pulled at them, seeing if you'd be able to break free easily. You couldn't.

You nodded at his question of understanding, squeezing your thighs together. You were going to argue that you really liked this tie on him and it was expensive, he was going to ruin it. But you knew he'd just laugh and say he could buy ten more of them. And besides, you weren't going to do anything that could possibly stop this from happening.

"Do you remember our word?" Kylo asked you, moving away so that he could take off the towel that had been wrapped around his hips, letting it fall to the ground.

Seeing him completely naked in front of you, still slightly wet from the shower and growing hard at the way he'd just tied you up, made you almost forget what he had even asked. But then you met his eyes and saw the expectant look he was giving you and you snapped out of it. "Red." You answered, assuring him.

"Good girl." He told you with a genuine smile. He moved on top of you, legs on either side of your thighs. His hand wrapped around your throat, touch gentle. "Tell me you love me." Kylo instructed you, chest rising and falling quickly just at the mention of it.

You couldn't stop the way you automatically grinned just to hear him say it. It would never get old. "I love you, Kylo." You said to him, skin heating up. Even though you knew the feelings were mutual, he was so guarded that it would always make you nervous to say it out loud.

Kylo sighed happily to hear you say it. His feelings were similar to yours. It would never get old hearing it come from you. He never knew he'd have someone love him like you did. "I love you too, princess." His grip tightened on your throat. "But I think I want to fuck you until you cry, okay? Will you let me do that?" His tone was so soft and sweet, his words were such a contrast.

You couldn't help but moan slightly, "Okay." You agreed, hands flexing in anticipation in the binds that they were currently in, looking up at him with wide eyes.

He bent down and pressed his lips to yours before he moved down your body, leaving kisses everywhere that he passed. When he got to your breasts, he paused and took a hardened nipple into his mouth, tongue running along the sensitive skin while his hand went to the other one.

"Your skin's so soft." He muttered, "And you smell so good. My perfect girl." He said this to you in between licks to your nipple, lips and teeth brushing against you there as well while his thumb ran over the other one teasingly.

You shivered at his touch and words and the way that his wet hair would leave occasional cold droplets onto your clean skin. "I'm yours." You reminded him. You moved your legs up to wrap around him, pulling him in closer to you.

At that, Kylo's hand came down to smack the outside of your thigh. "Put them down. I didn't tell you to touch me." He scolded you, tone disappointed. "You're lucky I'm too impatient to go get some rope and tie your legs apart too. Keep them spread open for me."

You loved when he got like this, especially when he was still so gentle like he was now. The combination of him being loving while also being stern was such a simple way to make your heart flutter.

You kept your legs apart as he said and he hummed in approval, pinching your nipple before continuing to move down your body. He placed kisses on your ribcage, the indent of your waist, down to your stomach and your hips. He only stopped when he reached the skin on the top of your thigh.

Kylo's hands gripped you there, spreading you even wider apart from him. You were helpless to his actions, tied up the way that you were and completely vulnerable to him. He ran his finger along your folds, using another to spread your lips apart, staring at how exposed you were. "So fucking pretty." He muttered.

His long middle finger ran along your entrance that was currently on display and he made a small 'tsk'ing noise under his breath. "But you aren't wet enough. Not yet. Let me fix that." And with that, you gasped in surprise as you watched him spit in between your parted legs.

"You like that?" He asked you with a cocky grin, noticing the way the noise that you made. "I just got you so clean and now you want to get dirty...I guess I shouldn't be surprised. No matter how many times I wash you, you'll always be a filthy little girl, isn't that right?" Kylo teased you before he spit again into your folds.

You moaned, biting your lip as you stared down at him.

He began distributing his saliva along your entrance and your clit, spitting one more time, getting you just wet as he wanted you. Then, he began rubbing slow circles over your clit, using his middle and ring finger to do so. "I'm going to do this until I can see that you're dripping for me. Do you understand? You can't tell me to stop, I decide when I do."

You could barely focus on his words because of the way that he was touching you and how amazing he looked while he put all of his attention on you.

Because you didn't respond out loud to him, Kylo smacked at your clit, a sharp difference from the gentle way he'd been touching you, sending a shockwave of pain and arousal.

You gasped, hips bucking as you jumped in surprise. "I understand." You corrected yourself.

Kylo grunted in response to that, going back to the slow movements on your clit, dipping into your entrance just slightly so that he could get his fingers wet again. "I thought you might," He agreed with you, "Because you know daddy owns this pussy, don't you? Sometimes I let you take control when I'm feeling generous but at the end of the day, you belong to me. If I really wanted to I could tie you up for days and use you however I want and you couldn't do anything about it."

You whined at what he was saying, lifting your hips up from the bed just slightly so that you could get more contact from his touches.

"You'd probably like that though, wouldn't you?" Kylo chuckled in a taunting way, fingers speeding up just slightly. "Being daddy's little fucktoy. I'd do _so_ many dirty things with you, princess. I'd use your body for hours and just leave you tied up when I was finished. You'd live to please me. Does that turn you on?"

"Yes, oh my god." Your hands clenched in their restraint, feeling your muscles start to pleasantly tighten at the way he was pleasuring you. You couldn't do much dirty talking back to him because this was a lot for you.

Kylo didn't mind. He liked doing the talking.

"If you disobeyed me, I'd punish you by getting your toy out. I'd turn it on and leave you there for hours with that thing vibrating against you...You'd be such a fucking mess." He moaned at the visual of it, "You'd probably still beg me for more though. Such a greedy slut."

You couldn't help it, the way he was speaking to you plus the way that his fingers were speeding up against you with each sentence, pushed you to your edge. You let out a loud moan, hands squeezing into fists as your orgasm took over your body.

"Look at you," Kylo purred, watching you. You looked so perfect when you came. "Cumming without my permission. What got into you, hm? Maybe I should punish you, you seemed to like the idea of that." He was speaking to you but you could barely hear him as you came down from your high, ears ringing.

Vaguely, you could tell that Kylo was getting off of the bed and into your nightstand drawer where you kept what he was looking for. As he joined you back on the bed you could see that he had your vibrator in his hand, pressing the button so that you could hear the buzz of it.

Without any warning, he pressed it right against your clit, making you yelp in surprise. You were still so sensitive from just finishing, the vibrations of the toy were painful. "Kylo, stop. Not yet." You begged him, trying to catch your breath.

Kylo locked eyes with you, eyebrows raised. He knew that you knew what word to say if you actually wanted him to stop, that's why he reminded you of it before the two of you began. "I told you, you can't tell me to stop. I own this pussy and I'm going to do what I want with it." He said in a calm, almost bored, voice, holding your toy in place.

You moved your hips in a vain attempt to get some of the pressure away but to no avail, Kylo's hand followed you each time you moved. It did hurt and in a way, you did want him to stop. But you were fully aware that if you wanted this to end you just needed to say 'red' and right now, you didn't want that.

Your hands tugged at the expensive tie that was knotted around them, letting out moans and whines at the feeling. "Kylo, please. It hurts." You said to him, biting your lip.

Your helplessness made him moan and you could've sworn that you felt him press the vibrator even closer against you. "I know it does, princess. Daddy hates hurting you but you have to learn your lesson."

You gasped, feeling the familiar feeling of another orgasm starting to form in your body. You didn't think it was possible but somewhere in the uncomfortable pain that you were feeling, there was a rush of pleasure, a perfect combination of both. "I'm gonna cum again." You told him in a rushed tone.

"Of course you are." Kylo teased you, "You can't help yourself. Go ahead, cum for me." He instructed you. He was watching you so carefully, pupils dilated. He was painfully hard himself, precum leaking down the side of his length as he took in the way you were reacting. He refused to touch himself though, wanting to focus everything on you.

Surprisingly enough, you did orgasm. It was extremely powerful, the relieving feeling of it mixed with the discomfort of it. You weren't even aware of the way that you were practically yelling with how loud you were moaning, back arched high from the mattress.

But, as your heightened pleasure subsided, you groaned in discomfort at the realization. Kylo was still holding the toy against your clit at the same high speed that it had been at before.

"Good job, princess, but I'm not done with you. You're going to cum again for me and I don't care how much it hurts." Kylo said to you, holding the buzzing against you steadily, not faltering even when you were done cumming.

"I can't." You whimpered, hands tugging at the tie, "Please." You added, not afraid to start begging because of how much torture this was putting you through.

"It's not up to you." He reminded you, "I own you and I want you to cum again. You _will_ cum again."

You winced in pain, this was becoming too much for you. You tried to fight through it, wondering if the pleasure would come through again but it was unbearable. "Kylo, no." You said to him, cursing under your breath. "Red." You said to him quickly.

Kylo paused when he heard that. The first time he'd ever heard you say it. "Red?" He asked you, making sure.

You nodded, "Yes, fuck. _Red_. Please." You pleaded with him, bringing your knees up from the bed in an attempt to push him away.

Kylo quickly turned off the vibrator and tossed it aside on the mattress, moving down closer to you. "Okay, it's over. We're done." He told you gently. He suddenly felt guilty that he went too far without meaning to.

He moved so that his hands could go to the tie that was around your wrists, wanting to take care of you.

"No." You stopped him, out of breath. "Keep them on." You requested, staring up at him. "I want you to fuck me, please. I just can't handle cumming again."

Kylo paused, eyebrows raised in surprise. He wasn't expecting that. "You do?" He asked you, searching your expression to make sure that you really meant it.

"Yes." You said to him, blinking up at him. He began wiping away a few stray tears that escaped your eyes when you finished as intensely as you had. "Don't you wanna fuck me, daddy? You got me so wet and ready for you...I'm dripping just like you wanted me to be." You said to him in a breathy voice, desperate for it.

Kylo growled under his breath, eyes fluttering as he heard you say that. Clearly, you wanted him still. He moved on top of you, hastily spreading your thighs apart to where he had been when he was touching you. "Let me see." He muttered, staring down in between your legs. "Look at that. You're right. You're fucking soaked, baby. You just came so hard but you still want me to fuck this filthy pussy? You're such a slut, I love it."

Kylo ran his fingers over your wetness so that he was able to collect some of it on his fingers. He spit on the same hand, mixing your juices with his own spit before rubbing that hand over his cock, getting it wet. Then, before he could taunt you anymore, he abruptly thrusted inside of you.

You two locked eyes, both letting out an almost animalistic moan at the feeling of it.

He put his hands on the headboard, above where you were tied to, using it was leverage as he began rocking his hips, moving in and out of you at a feverish pace.

You were so relaxed and exhausted, you lost track of time. In reality, Kylo fucked you like this for almost half an hour. Neither of you said anything, there was no teasing or dirty talk. It was all about _feeling_. Just moaning and eye contact.

Even in your haze, you couldn't help but notice how fucking gorgeous he was right now. Naked, with his damp hair pushed back from his face. He had a scar on his abdomen now, from where he'd been shot recently. You knew he was self conscious about it around you but you loved it, it was a reminder of how dangerous he was.

Funnily enough, Kylo was having similar thoughts about you. About how beautiful you looked underneath him, skin on fire and slightly sweaty from the exertion he put you through. Watery, wide eyes staring up at him in affection. He was so in love with you.

"I love you." You said, not even meaning to, reading his mind. You just had to say it, it was all that you could think about.

Kylo moaned at that, more of a whine than a groan. His hands tightened on the headboard and his thrusts became quicker. "I love you too. I love you so fucking much." He said breathlessly, keeping his eyes locked on yours.

Tears pricked your eyes again. This time not from frustration because of Hux or from the pain of being too sensitive. But from how deep you felt for Kylo. You were so thankful you had him. It was overwhelming.

Kylo saw that you were getting emotional and he felt his heart soar for you. He felt it too. "You want me to cum inside of you? You're mine, I wanna show you, I wanna claim you." He was rambling, his hips thrusting into you wildly.

"Please, Kylo. Cum for me." You pleaded with him. As much as you liked the feeling of your hands being restrained, you wished that you could touch him right now. You wanted to run your hands over his chest and his shoulders, play with his hair while he came.

But you didn't want to interrupt him, you didn't want him to stop feeling the ecstasy that he currently was. He made you feel so good earlier, it was only fair.

Kylo stared down at the tears leaking from your eyes and the way that you were begging him and he couldn't help himself. Thrusting a few more times inside of you, he gripped the metal of your headboard and moaned loudly, feeling himself cum inside of you.

You watched him finish, unable to stop the feeling of admiration that you had for him, a lazy smile on your face.

After taking a few deep breaths to recover, Kylo leaned down and began untying your wrists. He rubbed at the painful skin while he pulled out from you and settled next to you on the bed, keeping his hold on your hands.

The act that he put on during sex was gone. He was no longer sinister or unrelenting. He was the man you were in love with.

"Are you alright?" He asked you, cautiously putting an arm under you and pulling you close to his chest. He hated thinking that he'd gone too far, especially after everything that you two had been through that night.

"I'm alright. I loved it." You answered him, putting a hand on his chest and your head near it. You could hear how quickly his heart was beating and you were sure that yours was moving at the same pace.

You two laid there in silence as you recovered, comfortable. You were both exhausted but _glowing_. He kept kissing your wrists, rubbing them, alleviating some of the discomfort you felt from having them tied up for so long.

"We might need to take another shower." Kylo said to you, smirking.

Then, the two of you began laughing, his arm tightening around you and pulling you in closer.

As frustrated as you were, you knew the truth: If you had to, you'd wait forever to be with Kylo.


	36. Stolen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Warnings: Depictions of graphic violence.)

You woke up in the morning with a shiver. Your legs were hanging out from the side of your blanket which was rare, most of the time you woke up all wrapped up in them or at least with Kylo's arms wrapped around you.

"Give me the blanket." You complained to Kylo in a whine, assuming that he took them. He did that sometimes too. If the two of you stopped cuddling for whatever reason, he'd get desperate for the heat of your body and in his sleep, he'd pull at the blankets because they were the next best thing.

Kylo didn't respond so you reached behind you, hand blindly searching for either the blanket or the man who took them from you.

Nothing.

You turned around, wiping the sleep from your eyes. He wasn't on his side of the bed. You glanced over at the bathroom, at the kitchen that you could see through your open bedroom door, at the couch in the living room where he sometimes drank coffee and waited for you to wake up. No trace of him there.

Kylo?" You called out. Once again, nothing.

You glanced at your phone and saw that there were no texts or calls.

Normal girls would just assume that their boyfriend (Boyfriend? Was Kylo technically your _boyfriend_?) was busy and had to go somewhere. It should be no big deal. But you and Kylo were far from normal. An unexpected absence was usually not good.

You swung your legs over the side of your bed and wrapped your fluffy robe around yourself as you shuffled out to your kitchen. It was always so bright in there because of the large ceiling to floor windows and it was never easy to adjust to that discomfort first thing in the morning.

Your intention was to head over to Kylo's and see if he was there before sending him a text or calling him, not wanting to blow his phone up and while doing so, blow this out of proportion. But as you went over to get your shoes, you saw something sitting on the kitchen counter top.

You frowned and made your way over. A box, black with red ribbon. You knew Kylo got it for you, that's always what his presents looked like. Lord knew who he made wrap them for him at any hour of the day he asked them to. There was a note on top and you opened that first:

_I'm sorry for beating the shit out of your fake fiancé last night._

_Be ready by 6:00. Wear what's in the box._

_I love you_

_-K_

You couldn't help but laugh at his apology. He actually did owe you one, not just for kicking Hux's ass but also just for the stress he was constantly putting you under. Even if you were willing to endure the difficult times to be with him, that didn't mean it was easy. It was far from it. Moments like this, when you saw 'I love you' written in his handwriting or when you thought about the date he planned for the two of you later, made it all worth it.

Next you pulled the silky ribbon from the box and removed the lid. Tissue paper lined the inside and after parting that, you were able to pick up what was inside. A black dress, sexy and low cut. Of course, inside of the box was a pair of sexy underwear too, with a cute matching bra.

It didn't matter if you weren't exactly surprised by the contents, it would always give you butterflies to know that Kylo took time out of his day to pick something out for you. As cheesy as it sounded, it was the thought that counted.

You glanced over at the time, still holding the soft material of the dress in your hands. You had quite a bit of time before you would need to start getting ready. You debated on what you should do until then and when you made eye contact with the stack of books on your dining room table, you frowned. _Homework_. Gross.  
  
  
  
  
  


As you sat there, trying your best to take notes on the assigned readings for the week, your mind kept wandering to Kylo and your current situation with him. Your relationship with him had always been dangerous. Even when you hardly knew who he was, you remembered the rush of anxiety you had when he showed up at your college and made a big donation to spite Hux. 

You remembered being so nervous that Hux would find out and be upset with you...Everything was so different now. Accepting a donation from Kylo was the least of your worries. You were in love with him now.

There was a lot that was unanswered after the night before. Your eyes kept going to your phone, wondering if Hux was going to try and get a hold of you. Did he consider all of this over now? Or was he expecting you to still go through with the fake engagement because it was what Snoke wanted? It wouldn't surprise you if Hux was complacent enough to spend the rest of his life married to a lie in order to please others.

You trusted Kylo. You knew he was going to take care of all of this. But it was so hard to put your faith into someone else when you wanted so badly to just take care of things on your own. If it was up to you, you would've killed Hux last night and turned around and did the same to Snoke. But that would've been incredibly stupid. It was all a careful balance.

Hux could die, there was no need for him specifically to be alive in Snoke's eyes. But to kill someone in the same organization as him, regardless of his high status, would put a death wish on Kylo. There couldn't be a trace back to him.

And it wasn't simple enough to just kill Snoke either. The entire mafia would turn against Kylo if he took out the boss. If it were easy enough to just kill the person ahead of you in the line of power, to get closer to the top, everyone would do it until there was no one left. There would never be an organized mob if that was a possibility.

And although you understood all of this, it only made things more difficult for you. You and Kylo were stuck in this life. As much as you could help him or give him support, at the end of the day, it was up to Kylo to get you out of it. You hated not having any control.

Biting the cap of your highlighter in concentration, you read the same sentence over and over again in your textbook, an analysis of 'The Dance of Life' (1899) by Edvard Munch: _"The couple in the foreground represent the final stage, where the dance of life turns into a dance of death"._

You were trying so hard to focus but it was hard. You couldn't stop thinking about what Kylo might be doing or what he might be planning, what it would mean for the two of you. School was the last thing on your mind and it was almost comical to you that you were still attempting to finish your degree. You were technically on winter break still but you had so much to catch up on from before. You were so far behind. The mob was your life now, everything else was an afterthought. 

You twisted your finger around the headphone cord hanging from your ear, where you were playing a 'study music' playlist almost too loud, tapping your foot to the beat. You underlined the text on the page in front of you, hoping it would make it stick better. It didn't really.

You sighed frustratedly, hand going to your phone so that you could send Kylo a quick text. Even if he didn't reply to it, a part of you would feel better if you just at least attempted to get a hold of him to see what he was up to.

As your hand reached your phone, you jumped in surprise when you felt a hand close in over your wrist, holding you in place. You instantly went to take the headphones out of your ear, laughing in surprise because your gut reaction was to think that it was Kylo sneaking in behind you. But then it clicked in your brain that the hand holding you was wearing a glove and they were holding you just a little too tight.

You gasped in surprise and before you could look up to see who it was, you felt a piece of cloth over your mouth, almost soft but too scratchy to be comforting, especially in this context. Instinctively you took a deep inhalation in, trying to catch your breath from the shock you were feeling and from the way your mouth and nose were covered.

"Don't make a fucking sound or we'll kill you right here and get it over with. You don't want that, do you?" An unfamiliar voice growled in your ear, holding you tightly in place. 

Out of the corner of your eye you were able to see a few other figures in the room as well, moving in and coming closer to you. Maybe they were going through your things, finding things that were expensive, you weren't sure. You didn't give a shit about any material items, you were too caught up in the fact that your _life_ was being threatened.

You noticed the way your vision was blurring, head feeling fuzzy and lightheaded, like you could either puke or pass out. You attempted to fight off the person holding you in place but it was difficult. You felt so weak and sleepy.

You stared at your phone, watching the way that the man's free hand grabbed for it. It had already been unlocked because you'd been in the process of texting Kylo and briefly, it registered in your mind that he began scrolling through your texts, through your calls. All of this was such a violation of any sort of privacy.

You made a noise of struggle, trying your best to yank your elbow back to make some sort of impact but it wasn't enough. You could even vaguely hear the way it caused the figure behind you to chuckle darkly, finding your attempts amusing.

"Shh, just go to sleep. You'll wear yourself out if you try to fight it." He taunted you, glancing over at the men around the two of you who were laughing as well.

Even now, as you felt yourself slip out of consciousness, your mind was still focused on one thing: Kylo.   
  
  
  
  
  


Kylo was currently at the gym, working out with a few of the knights, oblivious to everything going on inside of your apartment. He was always so careful with you, making sure that he or a knight was with you when you left the apartment but he didn't think he had anything to worry about if you were just sitting in the apartment and he was going to see you for the date he had planned.

He spent most of the morning planning for the night he wanted to spend with you. He did feel guilty for everything he'd been putting you through lately. It was hard on him but he knew it was almost just as hard on you because you were relying on him to make sure everything went alright. Kylo had faith in himself to finish what he needed, but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to put his faith in anyone else the way that you were for him.

Kylo just wanted to give you a night to not think about anything. He picked out a dress and some cute lingerie for you. He got a private room at a restaurant that he knew you'd like and got some things ready for you in his apartment. He saw a specific kind of bubble bath you had in your bathroom and bought some himself with candles that he knew you'd like. He wanted this to be a relaxed special night for the two of you.

He had no idea what was going on with you right now. If he did, he'd be with you in a second, rescuing you and keeping you safe.

But instead, Kylo was curling his arm up with a dumbbell in his grip, flexing and building his muscle. He was sitting at the edge of a workout bench, hair tied back and his chains resting against his glistening skin.

You braided his hair back for him once while he'd been working out and although he didn't want to admit it at the time, having his hair away from his eyes was so helpful. He didn't know how to braid but he tied it back every time he went to the gym now.

"I wanted to pull my phone out to record it so fucking bad." Cardo was laughing, lifting weights in a way similar to Kylo. They were all talking about the night before, the engagement party gone wrong because of the fight between him and Hux.

"You should've, _god dammit_. How do I always miss out on everything?" Ushar groaned, standing up behind Vicrul so that he could spot him. Ushar had missed the engagement party because he had to go on a run, having to pick up extra work after fucking up the bank account at the club that one night, the night Kylo was shot.

Kylo rolled his eyes but had a smirk on his face as they talked about it, letting out huffs of breath with each pump of his arm. It boosted his ego to hear his men talk about the fight like this, like they were so impressed with him.

"From the very beginning, I kept fucking saying, 'I can't wait to see Ren beat Hux's stupid face in'...And then it happens and _not one of you_ pulls through for me and takes a video?" Ushar asked, getting angrier the more that he ranted. "I'm sorry but that's bullshit. If I were there, I would've been all over that fight getting every angle and-"

"Ushar! Fuck!" Vicrul interrupted his frustrated rambling by saying his name through gritted teeth, holding up the weight in his hand shakily, needing the other man to step in and spot him.

"Sorry." Ushar muttered, grabbing the weight from Vicrul's hands and assisting him in setting it back into place.

Kylo finished his set, putting the weight onto the ground by his feet and reaching for his water bottle instead. He had a big head right now, cocky from how excited they were about the fight. "It didn't last long enough," He said, swallowing a drink of water. "If we hadn't been around Snoke and all of those people, Hux wouldn't be alive right now."

"Speaking of that," Vicrul said, sitting up and wiping some sweat away from his eyes. The group of them were the only ones in the gym but still, he felt the need to lean in and talk in a soft voice. "How exactly are we getting rid of him?"

The Knights around them moved in close too, wanting to hear the gorey details about what their boss had planned. They were all thrilled to kill Hux, just like Kylo was.

Kylo set the water bottle back on the ground and pushed some stray hairs that fell out of his ponytail off of his forehead. "It's complicated now, after last night." He said, though it went without saying. "I have an idea, I know it'll work. We just have to be smart about it...If it weren't for _her_ , I wouldn't have any worries."

"Who?" Ushar asked, leaning against the machine next to him, "The princess?" He asked with a smirk.

Kylo made a noise of annoyance under his breath. "Yes." He answered, in a voice that implied _'obviously'_ , ignoring the man's sarcasm. "My main priority is keeping her safe. If she's in danger then there's no point in any of this. She comes first." He said simply.

Before any of the knights could give him shit about his blatant softness, Kylo's phone began ringing. Not his burner phone but his personal one. He raised an eyebrow as he bent down and picked it up. Your name was on his screen.

"Speaking of..." He muttered with a smirk on his face. You must've gotten the gift he left you and imagining your reaction only gave him a cockier attitude.

"Hey you. Finally awake, princess?" Kylo asked. He glanced over at the knights and saw how they were all doing ridiculous things like humping the air or pretending to jack off, trying to distract Kylo from his phone call with you by being immature. Kylo flipped them off in response, shaking his head. _Children_.

"Princess? Wow, I'm flattered." A deep and male voice came in from the other line. Your captor. 

Kylo instantly stood up in surprise which caused the men around him to stop doing their obscene miming so that they could figure out why he reacted the way he did. "Who the _fuck_ is this?" He spat out.

"Listen, I'm not going to talk for long so you better pay attention to what I'm telling you." The voice responded. "I have your girl here. She's unconscious but she's alive...I _think_..."

The same man addressed someone next to him, "Hey, yeah-go check. She's breathing, right?"

Kylo was speechless, the color drained from his face as his mind tried to process what was going on.

Then, speaking to Kylo again, the man said, "Yeah, okay. She's a little beat up but she's still alive." He said, trying to hold back his laughter. "She won't be for long if you don't comply with us."

"You have no idea who you're talking to." Kylo growled, chest heaving at the thought of someone hurting you and the fact that he wasn't there with you to save you. "If you fucking touch her-"

" _Oh_ , we've touched her. That's the least of your worries. Listen to me." The man said and although Kylo had a million threats to throw his way, he shut his mouths so that he could hear what needed to be said, wanting to try and listen in on any background noise that could resemble you or where you might be.

"I don't know what this little girl did to piss off the mob so much but your boss, Snoke, wants her dead. He asked us to kill her." The man explained, "And we were just gonna do that but then we got a hold of her phone and...Well, your number was _right there_."

Kylo was pacing around the gym, pushing the knights out of the way and holding a threatening hand up when they tried asking him what was going on. He was already forming a plan in his mind, thoughts buzzing by quickly on where you could be, how he was going to get you back, what he needed to tell his men, etc.

"She didn't have your name saved but it didn't take us long to figure who you were...you guys have some very explicit texts together, don't you? Pictures too." The man taunted, feeling a rush to be able to have this much leverage over someone as powerful as Kylo.

Kylo had so much to say but he was just fuming, lip quivering and skin on fire. He needed to save you. "Where is she?" He interrupted the man, his voice was low and dangerous.

"I'm getting there, calm down." The man said in a slow voice, his sick grin was evident even through the phone. "Snoke's giving us some money but when we figured out your relationship with her...And well, we realized _you_ could give us even more money if it meant she'd make it out alive."

Kylo didn't have the patience for this. "How much do you need? I don't give a fuck. Tell me where she is and I'll give you what you want."

At this point, the knights were starting to put two and two together after hearing Kylo say that. Just like him, they all went into action mode. Not letting their emotions get in the way because planning and executing was what was important right now.

"Ten thousand." The man said easily, they had this all thought out. "In cash. I'll give you an address that you'll drop it off at. When it's confirmed that it's all there, I'll give you the address that she's at so you can get her. Okay?"

Vaguely, Kylo realized that it was the first time in a really long time that someone was threatening him and ordering him around. Usually it was always him in that position. "Send me a video of her. Show me she's still alive before I send the money over." Kylo said, gears turning in his skull, formulating a plot to figure out where you were.

The man hesitated on the phone, not taking his request into account when formulating this plan. "Sure, I'll try." He said to him an unsure voice.

"You'll try? No, you'll fucking do it. If I don't get a video within the next two minutes I am going to tell Snoke what you're up to behind his back and not only will you regret fucking with me but so will all of your friends and family, do you understand what I'm saying? I will ruin your life and everyone's around you." Kylo was in rare form. Absolutely consumed by his anger and anxiety, seething and red faced.

"O-okay, okay." The man said on the other line, starting to already regret this. "I'll send you a video then I expect the money."

Kylo didn't respond, instead he hung up the phone, letting out an angry grunt as he did so.. He motioned his knights over, wanting them to gather around the phone. He didn't say anything, he was thinking too hard and his men knew not to say anything out loud to him.

The knights knew that when Kylo got angry like this, there was no stopping him. He was on a mission and although they didn't understand the full story since they hadn't heard what was being said on the phone, it was clear you were in danger. It was Kylo's worst nightmare.

Kylo tried to ignore the furious tears that were pricking his eyes as he stared down at his phone screen, waiting for the video to come through. His hand was shaking and he tried so hard not to think about what you were going through, it would be way too much for him to handle.

You were everything to him. The idea that you were in danger and scared and he wasn't there to protect you was making it hard for him to breathe.

Vicrul's eyes were focused on his boss, taking in the way that Kylo seemed like he might even start crying. Vicrul was observant, especially to the people in his life who were close to him. He'd never seen Kylo care about anything this much, let alone another person.

There were many times in the past where Kylo had gotten this angry but it had always been for selfish reasons, his pide was hurt or someone thought that they could get one over on him. But this was different. Vicrul could tell that Kylo was upset because of you, because of how much he _cared_.

"Fuck." Kylo muttered as an alert from your phone popped up on the top of his screen. A video and a text with an address to bring the cash to. He clicked on the notification which took him to the thread of your text messages. In the back of his mind he noticed that the last thing you sent him, besides this video from your kidnapper, was you telling him that you loved him. It made his heart twist. He couldn't lose you.

He quickly clicked on the video, almost dropping his phone in the process, hitting the grey play button in the middle of it.

It wasn't long, around twenty seconds. The camera was on you. You weren't awake but it was clear that you were breathing from the gentle rising and falling of your chest. You were tied to a chair, hands behind your back and ankles against each leg of the seat. You had a blindfold on but even so, it was clear that your nose was bleeding and you had a few cuts on your skin in various places, perhaps bruises too.

You were barefoot, still in the pajamas that you had gone to bed the night before in, the same ones that Kylo dug through your drawer and picked out for you. His favorite ones. Your fluffy robe was on the ground in the background, dirty with general grime and blood from your injuries.

The building you were in looked like a warehouse of some sort, dusty cement floors and low lighting. In fact, the only light source was coming from what looked like an open window that the camera panned across as the video ended.

Everyone was silent, letting it sink that you were actually kidnapped and you were actually in danger.

"Shit, wait. Go back to the end." Cardo suggested, watching it from over Kylo's shoulder.

Kylo was in shock, brain not processing this because of how much it was hurting him. His knights would have to step up and help take care of it, he couldn't do this on his own. He made no move to do what Cardo suggested, he barely even heard the man beside him because all he could think about was you and how much you needed him to save you.

"Can I?" Cardo asked and when there wasn't a response, he took it as a yes. He grabbed the phone from Kylo's hands and began pausing the video at certain points, trying to figure out any details that could help lead to your location.

"Right there." Vicrul said, "Pause there. That's something." He said, staring hard at the way the camera was focused on the open window of the location.

It took a few moments and Kylo almost ripped the phone out of Cardo's hand to throw it against the wall in frustration but then Ushar perked up. "That's the strip club!" Ushar said, eyes lighting up at the familiar red roof and sign out of the open window. Of course he recognized that.

"You know where this is?" Kylo asked, his voice hopeful and his eyes wide. His heart was thumping and he felt like he could puke but he tried to push away his own emotions because he knew that if he got caught up in his rage and regret he wouldn't be able to get to you.

"Yeah." Ushar said quickly, "It's the one... _uh_ , fuck." He was trying to think of the name of it or what street it was on but he'd never been there while he was sober so it was hard to recall. "Vic, remember? It's the one we went to that time we did a bunch of acid...The stripper fell asleep while she was giving you a lapdance and you thought you killed her."

Vicrul's eyes lit up now too, knowing exactly what Ushar was talking about. "Holy shit. Yes. That's on tenth street, right? Yeah, there's that old building across from it...That's probably where she is."

"Let's go." Kylo said instantly, heading to the door. He couldn't waste any time, he needed to get to you. "Vic, Ushar, you're coming with me. The rest of you go to the location they're expecting the money at to make sure they aren't trying anything stupid."

As Kylo made his way to his car, he pushed past people on the sidewalk, ignoring their protests at how quick and forceful he was being as he moved through them. He didn't care. You were the only thing on his mind. He had to save you.   
  
  
  
  
  


Your eyes fluttered behind the blindfold that was covering them, opening your eyes only to be met with darkness. You almost forgot what happened, why you weren't waking up in your bed with Kylo's strong arms wrapped around you.

But it all came back to you as the pain in your body registered in your mind. The men who came into your apartment and knocked you out. You had no idea where you were now but you could tell you were restrained without even having to pull at the binds on your wrists and ankles. As much as you wanted to panic and try to escape, even in your terrified and weak state, you knew better. You weren't sure what they'd do to you when they realized you were awake.

You could hear them talking in hushed tones and you tried your best to keep up the facade that you were still unconscious, wanting to listen in and see if you could get any clues about what was going on.

"Go to the other location. That's where Ren's showing up." One of the voices said.

Your heart instantly went into overdrive at the mention of Kylo.

There were a few moments of quiet arguing before you could hear the sound of their conversation get farther away, indicating that they were leaving the room.

Assuming that you were all alone, you let the situation sink in. A million different thoughts ran through your head, trying to piece together why this was happening. You had no idea what was going on, what was going to happen to you. And now discovering that Kylo was involved somehow, made everything worse. You were scared for your own life and your own safety but even more so, you were scared for Kylo.

You let a sob rise in your throat, a sniffle following it as you thought about the man you were in love with. Based on what the man had said Kylo was supposed to show up somewhere and you knew that meant he must be aware of your current situation.

You couldn't stop thinking about what might be running through his head and what his reaction might've been. It made the tears come faster, the cloth around your eyes collecting the moisture. You were so scared and so worried.

Hearing someone shift in the room with you, made you inhale sharply, trying to stop the way you were crying so that you could go back to the way you were pretending to be asleep.

"I know you're up." A voice said. You noticed it was different from the voice you heard in your apartment but was still unrecognizable to you.

You said nothing, swallowing hard.

"It doesn't really matter if you're awake or not so you can stop pretending." He added.

"What's going on?" You decided to ask, voice cracking slightly.

There was silence for a few minutes before the voice responded. "I'll be honest, none of this was my idea. I don't know that much, just following orders." He said in a hesitant way.

"How is Kylo involved? Please don't hurt him." You begged, ignoring the way he was playing dumb with you. You used that tactic all the time when it came to mafia issues, it wasn't lost on you that he was avoiding your questions.

The man didn't respond to you, knowing that his own boss would get upset with him if he gave you too much information. You weren't a person in their eyes right now, just an item they could use as leverage.

You let his silence sink in, your tears coming back up, a sob raking through your chest. It was so unfair. Things were finally starting to go in the right direction for you and Kylo. You openly loved each other now and there was no second guessing or hiding your feelings. You knew Kylo had a plan to get rid of Hux and deal with Snoke and soon, the two of you would have nothing holding you back from being happy and being together.

And then this had to happen.

"They're going to kill me, aren't they?" You asked in a quiet voice, not sure if you even wanted to know the answer.

The man was silent again before sighing. "Yeah." He answered honestly, at least wanting to give you the dignity of not lying to you. He wasn't a good person, in any sense, but something about how helpless you were made him pity you. "They're getting extra money from Ren. Telling him that they'll keep you alive if he gives it to them but..." He trailed off. He didn't need to finish the sentence, it was clear. They were just collecting money from Kylo before they killed you.

At that, your sobbing became more panicked, more intense. You didn't want to die, of course. But really, you were upset because you thought about Kylo. He was probably trying his best to get the money together, holding onto the hope that you'd come out of this alive. But there was no use. He couldn't save you.

"Why?" You asked, shakily. If you were going to be killed you at least wanted to know the details, you hoped this stranger would give them to you.

"Shit, come on. I can't be telling you all that." The man sighed but you could tell his resolve was breaking.

You let out a few pitiful sniffles and the man cussed under his breath. Why put this seemingly innocent girl through more suffering right before she was about to be killed, he thought.

"We aren't part of the mob, not like Ren is, at least." He explained to you. "We do favors for Snoke every now and then...Usually favors like this. He called us and told us to take you out, paying us a lot for it too. But then my asshole partner saw Ren's texts to you on your phone and decided to use that to his advantage."

You hated to admit that you weren't exactly surprised that Snoke wanted to have you killed. In his eyes, you meant nothing. You were simply just a little girl getting in the way of his organization. You distracted Kylo and made him soft. And you drove an even further wedge between the two men who were the closest to him at the top. It was no way to run a mafia, it just wasn't. There was no reason for you to be alive, you were fucking everything up.

You wondered what Hux's role in this was. Did he know about this? You would assume so, maybe he was even the one to bring it up to Snoke.

"Kylo's going to kill you after this. There's no point in getting any money." You told him, the only thing you were confident in right now. Even if Kylo couldn't save you, you knew that he wouldn't let this slide. He would destroy them.

The man let out a grunt. They had plans to avoid Kylo, they felt like they'd be safe. But he didn't want to tell you that, he already told you way too much.

There were long moments of silence now. The man told you everything he could, there was no other reason to talk to you.

You couldn't stop thinking about how determined Kylo would be to get his revenge if you were killed. Even right now, you were certain that he was trying everything he could to rescue you. You couldn't just lay back and let it happen, you had to put the effort in too. You had to try and get out of this. It was what Kylo would do right now if he was in your position.

You weren't ready to leave Kylo behind. You couldn't die and leave him all on his own.

Trying to be discreet, you began fiddling behind your back at the restraints on your wrist. It was hard to tell but it felt like a zip tie, holding both of your wrists together in one bind. You prayed the man in the room with you wasn't watching as you began to flex your wrists, moving them in a way that made the tie feel looser. It cut into your skin as you pulled at it, rotating your hands in hope that you could slip out.

The man across from you was oblivious, he was on his phone, staring at the screen in hopes that his partners would send a text or a call to let him know there was something else that he needed to do.

Although you were in pain, you just kept thinking of Kylo. About how much you loved him and how much more time you needed to have with him still, you weren't done yet.

You tried to hide your frantic excitement as you felt your hand start to get closer and closer to being free from the restraint. Vaguely, you could feel a sticky and warm liquid on your skin and although you tried to tell yourself it was sweat, you knew it was probably blood from the way you were hurting yourself as you tried to wiggle out.

Your tears of panic quickly turned into tears of astonishment, feeling the way that your hand slipped past the bond. As surprising as it was, you knew better than to make it known. Instead you kept your wrists together in the same position, not wanting the man to know you had a way to escape.

You _had_ to think like Kylo. What would he do?

"Hey," You said softly, keeping your voice as small and pathetic as it had been before.

"Hm?" The man grunted, barely paying attention to you.

"I know you've already told me a lot and I appreciate it. But um...Could you at least take my blindfold off? If I'm going to die I at least want to be able to see... I don't know, it's probably stupid." You said in a desperate tone, really playing up the tears as you did so.

"Fuck, _really_?" The man asked with a groan. Usually, Snoke asked them to kill tough men, ones that had done terrible things. This was his first time ever having to murder a woman and something about it wasn't sitting right with him. He already felt guilty and seeing you so distraught wasn't helping.

"Look, if I take it off for you, my guys are gonna come up and just put it right back on. They're not as nice as I am." He said to you but you could hear him approaching you. You broke him down. You were too sad and too pretty to say no to.

"That's okay." You told him, trying not to focus on the way that your hand was free behind your back, you had to be smart about this, there was no room for you to fuck it up.

You felt a rough hand tug at the material around your eyes and you blinked to adjust the light that flooded your vision. You frantically looked around, taking in your surroundings and then up at your captor. He really was a stranger, no one you recognized. "Thank you." You told him, wide eyes blinking away tears.

He made eye contact with you and suddenly felt so much more guilty about all of this when he saw how scared you were. This was a lot different than shooting a criminal, he wasn't used to it and it didn't feel right.

Noticing the way that he was looking at you and dealing with some sort of inner conflict, you took advantage of the opportunity. He was already bent towards you to remove the blindfold so it didn't take much effort to place your hand on the back of his head and push him down towards your knee. You ignored the sickening crack you heard and felt, as his nose came in contact with your leg, breaking it.

"You fucking bitch!" He groaned, stumbling onto the ground and holding his nose in pain. He was seeing stars from the impact and could hardly catch his breath, on his knees in front of you while he recovered.

You knew you had to move fast. Your hands were now both free because of the way they had been bound together. Glancing down at your ankles you saw that there were ties around them as well, holding you against the legs of the chair. Even though you hated to do it, you knew what you needed to do.

You threw your weight backwards, making the chair tip back until it ultimately fell over, knocking the wind out of you in the process. You ignored the stinging in your ribs as you moved your ankles down, slipping the ties out from the legs of the chair while you did it.

It felt surreal to be completely free but you couldn't revel in the moment for long because the man was pulling himself up from the ground and moving in your direction, holding his bloody nose as he did so.

You quickly scrambled onto your feet, trying to not think about the pain you felt from the multiple injuries on your body. You had no idea where you were so you didn't understand the layout of the building but you knew you just needed to get the fuck out of there.

"Get back here." The man grunted, standing back up on his feet as you bounded towards the door, seeing that there was a staircase there. He reached to his pocket, finding his gun as he chased after you.

You quickly bounded down the steps, making your way down to the ground floor. The entire time you ran, you just kept imagining that you were running towards Kylo, knowing that he'd be proud of you for getting out of this the way that you had. You reached the final step was so close to sprinting to the door.

"Come here." The man muttered, grabbing onto a fistful of your hair so that he could pull back towards him, the gun pressed against your temple as he did so. "You're a stupid whore, do you know that?" He asked, putting his other arm around your neck as he did so.

Your mind was still flashing to Kylo but this time you were thinking about the self defense moves he taught you in his living room. At the time, he wrapped his arm around your throat and asked you to get out of it. You could get it out of this now because of the move he taught you.

Your chin was titled down, making it nearly impossible for him to actually choke you and because of that you had enough breath to bring your elbow back behind you and collide it with his stomach, pushing away his grip around your neck as you did so.

You had been able to break away from his hold but now that you were in front of him, he instead pushed you against the nearest wall, gun pressed to your heaving chest. His face was close to yours. "I didn't get the instructions to kill you yet but I'm not sure I need them. We already sent Ren the video of you, he thinks you're alive. I should kill you now and get it over with." He hissed, the barrel painful against your skin.

"What if he wants another video?" You asked him, worried that he would actually pull the trigger. "Don't kill me yet. You don't want to fuck this entire thing up, do you?" You tried to reason with him.

"Shut up!" He growled, slapping you as he did so, harder than necessary. He wiped at the blood from his nose with the back of his hand, wincing slightly at the injury that you left there. "You tried to escape, I would be an idiot if I didn't kill you right now." He said to you, blinking quickly to try and focus on you through the throbbing pain he was feeling.

You were shaking as you watched him turn the gun's safety off, finger hovering over the trigger. Your eyes snapped back to his. "Not yet." You told him, voice trembling. " _Please_." You added, eyes wide and desperate.

You couldn't die yet. It wasn't your time, there was so much you had to do. You were about to grovel some more, bribe him with money or something, _anything_.

Then you saw it:

Someone in the shadows of the dark stairwell, coming from an open doorway. As they moved closer into the light, you felt your stomach drop when you saw that it was Kylo.

Kylo held a finger up to his lips, his way of telling you to be quiet as he got closer and closer to the two of you, his footsteps careful and silent.

You did your best to keep your expression the same, not wanting to look too thrilled or relieved and give anything away to the man who had his weapon on your skin, glaring darkly at you.

As Kylo cautiously got closer, he realized how much he was shaking, eye twitching and lip quivering. Seeing you in his position, bloody and scared made him feel so helpless. He wished he would've been there to protect you. This was all his fault and he felt the weight of that. If it weren't for him, Snoke would never have wanted you dead. In Kylo's mind, he did this to you himself.

It was getting more and more difficult for you to keep up the act of Kylo not being there in front of you so you were grateful when you saw him lift his own gun up and press it against the back of the man's skull, announcing his presence.

"Drop your fucking weapon." Kylo growled out, veins bulging and sweaty. When the man hesitated, Kylo hit him in the back of the head with the barrel of his gun. _"Right fucking now_."

The man quickly dropped his gun, letting it clatter to the floor. Kylo grabbed him by his neck, yanking, and pushed him so that the man fell to the ground on his back.

You moved out of the way, going towards the steps next to you so that you didn't get caught in the middle of this.

Kylo gave the man a long, hateful look. There was so much he wanted to say to him. He wanted to let the man know that he fucked up the second that he even thought about putting a hand on you. He wanted to ask him if the money he made from Snoke was worth his own life. He wanted to remind him of what a piece of shit he was.

But he didn't have the energy. All of the effort he put into rescuing you was focused on _you_ and you only.

So, instead, Kylo simply bent down to spit in the man's face before bringing his foot down and stomping on him in the same spot his saliva just hit. Then, standing back up, Kylo pulled the trigger of the gun and shot him, the bullet going right into his forehead.

You watched with a parted mouth, lightheaded, grabbing onto the railing of the stairs near you to keep yourself from falling over. Everything happened so fast and it was hard to process. You were so grateful that he was there to save you and he was safe himself. But, it would always surprise you to see this violent side of him. He was never like this with you.

Kylo wiped at his forehead, moving the sweat away so that it would stop stinging his eyes before he looked over at you. His feral gaze softened at the sight of you. He took in the shock on your face and the way you were swaying against the stairs in your little pajamas, covered in blood.

"You're okay now." He assured you in a gentle tone, chest moving up and down at a quick rate. "You're safe."

You nodded, taking that in. _You were safe._

Kylo made his way towards you and when he was close enough, you shuffled towards him and wrapped your arms around him tightly, sobbing into his chest. This caused his heart to pound, a guilty sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. This was all his fault. He wrapped his arms around you tightly, holding you against him. You were so small and fragile in his arms.

"I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again." Kylo said to you, voice raspy and exhausted as he kissed the top of your head.

Despite himself, Kylo felt a few stray tears drop from his eyes as he squeezed you closer. "I'm here, princess." 


	37. Safe

You couldn't remember the last time you and Kylo were this quiet.

Although you were okay now in Kylo's car, fleeing the scene, you didn't exactly _feel_ okay.

A few of the knights showed up at the warehouse momentarily after Kylo arrived. It wasn't the most disturbing thing you'd ever seen but watching the way they handled your captor's body like he was a doll, had been jarring. It all happened so fast. The same stranger who had chased you down the stairwell and held a gun against you, was the same man that you saw the knights toss into a body bag, joking and laughing while they did so.

Kylo got you out of there as quickly as possible, trusting his men to take care of the body. Right now, Kylo needed to take care of you. He knew that.

As his car sped down the roads leading to your apartment, the only sounds that could be heard were the passing noises of the city, honking, conversations of strangers on the sidewalk and the low hum of his vehicle rushing through the traffic.

The two of you were in a silent haze, thinking over everything that had just transpired over the past couple of hours.

It felt almost comical to think about it. You had been _kidnapped_. It was such a dramatic act, something that you'd only heard about in movies or books. When you woke up that morning, it was the last thing you thought was going to happen to you. You could've never considered it an option.

Often, you two talked about how dangerous all of this was but it was always in theory. There was no denying it or downplaying it now. You had been kidnapped and if Kylo hadn't been around to save you, you would've been killed.

It was all Kylo could think about too. If he hadn't reacted as quickly as he had, you would've been killed. If he wouldn't have answered his phone, you could be dead. It was his fault, all of this was.

He took a deep, shaky breath as he pulled into the parking garage, finding his reserved spot. As he pulled the parking brake, he glanced over at you, meeting your eyes.

You were both so exhausted, there were so many thoughts on both your minds but there was no energy to focus on them specifically. Just a tired, anxious fog.

Kylo's eyes went up and down your body, unable to process that you were there in front of him and safe. You still had your little pajamas on, various rips and stains of dirt and blood on them, barefoot. There were a few visible injuries on your otherwise flawless skin, hair messy. It broke his heart.

You involuntarily winced when Kylo's hand gently reached for your cheek, still shaken up from the way you'd been touched earlier. When it dawned on you that it was just him and he wasn't going to hurt you, you relaxed against his touch, briefly shutting your eyes.

"Let's get you inside, okay?" He said to you in a soft voice, his frown deepening when you let out a small, 'okay' in response. He hated seeing you so defeated, you usually always had something sarcastic to say even in stressful situations. But this was much more than that.

Kylo got out of his side of the car and walked to the passenger side, opening the door for you. He leaned forward and unbuckled your seat belt. "You want me to carry you inside, princess? You don't have your shoes." He asked you in a quiet, deep voice.

You shrugged. You felt numb.

He sighed slightly as he lifted you out of the car, holding you close to his chest as he entered your apartment building, going to the elevator. He was thankful that no one was around in the parking garage or in the lobby. If someone saw him with you, he would've had to... _take care_ of them later. He didn't want to take any chances of Snoke knowing where you were.  
  


It didn't take long for Kylo to get you up to your apartment door and soon, you were laying in your warm bathtub. The lights were dim and he put on soft music he knew you liked, lit a few candles, trying to make things feel normal for you again. Not only did he want you to relax but Kylo was aware of how violated you must've felt. Hopefully a bath would help inspire some healing.

Kylo bent down to lean against the side of the tub. He dipped his fingers into the water, making sure the temperature was right. "Hey, I'm going to make a few phone calls, alright? I'll just be out in the living room." He said to you, staring intently at you. After the events of today, there was going to be some business to take care of, for sure. Snoke wanting you dead was not going to be an easy fix for him but he was going to do it. He was going to do whatever he needed to keep you safe, there was no doubt about it.

You glanced over at him, sinking further into the water with a relieved sigh. "Alright." You agreed with him. The idea of being alone was a little scary right now but there was no way anything could hurt you if Kylo was in the next room, you knew that.

He leaned forward and gently kissed the top of your head before fully standing up, exiting the room and shutting the door behind him.

Kylo made his way into your living room, stomach twisting at the signs of struggle left behind. Your textbook was still open on the table, highlighters and pencils strewn about. Your chair was knocked over on the ground, a glass of water spilled all over, the glass of the cup shattered. The men who invaded your space obviously went looking around for expensive things, your drawers were open, things on the ground.

A wave of angry nausea rushed over Kylo. He'd been so stupid to leave you alone. It was his fault that Snoke wanted to get rid of you in the first place and it was his fault that these men had been able to get in here and do what they had. He tried not to think about how scared you must've been, the things that were probably running through your mind. It made all of it so much worse.

He pulled his phone out, quickly typing away and dialing. There was no waiting around now, it was time for action.

You could hear the muffled sounds of Kylo's conversations from the next room and a part of you was anxious about what he could be talking about, knowing that it had to do with the events that took place over the last couple of hours. But at the same time, it was relaxing to hear the soft sounds, his deep voice resonating through the walls of the apartment.

It felt like it could've been hours that you were alone in the bathtub but in reality it was a little less than half an hour. Kylo didn't want to leave you alone for too long. 

Kylo made his way back into the bathroom, running a hand over his face. He had a glass of water in his hand and he set it on the side of the bathtub's ledge. "Drink. You need it." He told you as he began stripping his clothes away, wanting to join you in there.

You stared at him, taking a long sip from what he just handed you, "Who were you talking to?" You asked in a far away voice, watching the way he let his clothing hit the ground. Kylo made his way over to the bathtub and slowly lowered himself in, sighing in relief at the warm water against his skin.

"Don't worry about it, princess. I'm just taking care of everything for us." He said to you. He locked eyes with you and motioned for you to come closer to him.

You paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, before scooting over so that your back was pressed against his chest. He instantly wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly and resting his chin on your shoulder.

"Hux must've been involved." You said, thinking out loud, "I don't think they broke in, it was like they had a key to my apartment...I could be wrong but-"

Kylo interrupted you, "Shh." He said to you in a gentle way. "I don't want you sitting here thinking about it and torturing yourself. I'm taking care of it. You need to rest."

You made a small noise of agreement. It was hard to turn your running thoughts off now that you weren't in survival mode. But he was right, you shouldn't dwell on it. At least not right away. You needed to ground yourself back into the reality of the current situation. You were safe.

Pleased by your silence, Kylo pressed a kiss on the top of your head, holding you closer.

The two of you were silent but it was more content now, enjoying the way it felt to just be alone with each other after all of the stress that you had both been through. Kylo ran his hands over your shoulders, rubbing in some bubbles that were sitting on top of the warm bath water.

As you listened to the soft music playing in the background and acknowledged how relaxed you felt, you let the memories of the day fully hit you. You always tried your best to be strong around Kylo, especially when it came to mafia matters because you didn't want him to think that you couldn't handle this lifestyle. But this was all so exhausting and you couldn't help the way that tears openly flowed from your eyes.

Feeling the subtle ways that your shoulders were shaking made Kylo pull you in even closer, nuzzling his nose against the crook of your neck.   
"Shh, it's okay, I'm here." Kylo murmured into your skin, "You're safe now." He told you and from the pleading tone of his voice you could tell that he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince you.

A sob raked through your chest and Kylo grunted, feeling helpless, as he pulled you even tighter to his chest.

It continued like this, him holding you and you crying, until the water in the bathtub got cold.

"I want to lay down." You told Kylo, sniffling and wiping your eyes as you pushed away from him and attempted to stand up in the bathtub.

Kylo quickly got up as well, moving his arms in around you so that he could hold your shaky legs in place. "Let's get you to bed then." He murmured. Even though he was quiet, letting you process everything that took place that day, his own mind was moving a mile a minute. He had so much to consider, so much to plan, it was difficult to be in the present moment with you even though he wanted so badly to just take away all the pain you were feeling.

Kylo helped you get out of the bathtub, eyes focused on you as he grabbed a towel and began drying your dripping body off. He always treated you like you were a fragile doll in times like this, when he was taking care of you, but now even more so. He looked over your injuries, inspecting the bruises and marks left behind. Nothing serious physically but he knew there was a lot of mental pain that came with being hurt the way you had.

When you were dry, Kylo helped you put on some pajamas. He kept his eyes on yours while bending down and helping you step into the shorts, pulling the shirt over your head. You let him do all of this for you, finding relief in the fact that you could turn your mind off and just let him handle it.

Soon, you two were settling into your bed, his arms holding you tightly to his slightly glistening chest from the bath water. He spent so much of his time devoted to drying you off that he neglected himself.

"What are we going to do now?" You found yourself asking, your voice sad.

Your mind wandered to when you first met Kylo. It had been risky then but it also had been so _fun_. You didn't like him right away, you thought he was just a cocky asshole. But sneaking around and getting attention from someone so high up in the mafia's ranks was thrilling. And it wasn't that it wasn't fun anymore but there was just so much negative that surrounded being with him. The risk wasn't about being caught by Hux anymore, that was long gone. The risk was about life or death. It was draining.

"Like, do you have a plan for us?" You asked again.

"Of course I do." Kylo's voice was calm regardless of the way your questions were putting him on edge. He wanted to just spend time with you making you feel better, he didn't want to think about the shit he had to take care of in the very near future.

You moved so that you could look up at him, raising an eyebrow, as if to say 'go on'.

Kylo sighed, his eyes going up to the ceiling instead of staring down at you. He supposed you should know, it was directly affecting you after all. "We're leaving tomorrow morning. Me and you and a few of the knights. We're going to go out of town so we can lay low for a few days while everything settles. We can't afford to stick around here if someone like Snoke wants you dead."

You thought about it. "Out of town?" You asked, fingers running over the scar on his bare chest.

He nodded, fingers finding your hair to tangle his fingers in it. "Few states away, somewhere they wouldn't think to look for us. The private plane's gonna take us there in the morning. I'm going to keep you safe, everything's going to be fine. I know it's difficult but you need to trust me. Okay, princess?"

"Okay." You agreed, swallowing hard to keep your voice steady. You wanted to trust him and be strong for him so badly. "But what about Snoke? Hux?" You asked, really needing answers to help stop your growing anxiety.

"I mean it when I say to trust me. I don't want you worrying about the details. Not now, at least. You already have so much on your mind. I have it all taken care of. When we get back, this will all be over. That's all I'm sharing with you right now." He told you.

You nodded slowly, thinking. He was right. You needed to just trust him tonight. "Which knights are coming with us?" You asked, just curious, just trying to think about something that didn't feel like impending doom.

"Vicrul and Ushar. I know they're your friends, I thought you'd want them there out of everyone." Kylo explained, fingers moving from your hair to your back, running the tips up and down your spine.

You let yourself give him a tiny smile. He didn't even realize how thoughtful he was. "Thanks." You told him. You thought about the four of you running away somewhere together and despite the dire circumstances, it did make you a little excited. "A little vacation."

Kylo glanced down at you, his sad smile mirroring yours. "Yeah, baby. A little vacation." He said before ducking down and kissing your forehead. His lips lingered there for a moment, inhaling deeply.

You moved your head onto his chest, your breathing matching the rhythm of his, calming you down. Today was terrible, _really fucking_ terrible. But you loved Kylo so much and all you wanted was to know that you and him were going to be safe. That's all you needed. What happened today was never going to happen again.

A few moments passed, your chests rising and falling in sync with the gentle music from the bathroom playing softly in the background. It was relaxing and you almost even felt the familiar warm feeling of sleep creeping over you even if you still had some anxiety inducing images bouncing around in your mind.

But then you felt it. The way Kylo's chest that your cheek was pressed against started moving in a staccato rhythm, sharp inhalations and shaky exhalations. The muffled sounds of sniffing and whimpering.

You glanced up with a concerned look. Kylo's arm was over his eyes, blocking him from the world (or perhaps blocking the world from him) but you could see the stream of tears running down his face, the way his lip was quivering.

Moving away from him so that you could get a better view, you attempted to move his arm away from his eyes. "Hey." You said softly, stomach flipping. You hated seeing him sad in general but it hurt even more to see him openly cry. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

"Stop, I'm fine." He muttered, moving his forearm away so that he could wipe away at his eyes and nose. He didn't make eye contact with you, he was so embarrassed. "Really, nothing's wrong, it's okay."

"It's not okay." You sighed, putting a hand on his cheek.

"It is. I need to take care of you right now, I shouldn't be weak like this. I'm fine" He said to you, swallowing hard, his throat bobbing as he did so. It was _his_ job to comfort you, especially after what happened today It wasn't fair to make you do the same for him.

You moved so that you were able to be closer to level with his eyes. "You did take care of me. You're taking care of me right now. Tomorrow when we get on that plane and get the fuck out of here, you'll be taking care of me then. Okay? I can help you right now, I want to." You assured him, gaze not moving from his.

Kylo's heart pounded. You were the first person to ever care about him like this. He couldn't name a single person in his life who would ever put him before themselves the way you did so often. It made all of this hurt worse. He put you into danger and you still wanted to help him.

He nodded briefly, too tired to fight the feeling anymore. He pulled you in closer, not wanting you to see his face as he let himself be emotional. "I just can't stop thinking about what might've happened if....You know-if I couldn't get to you...If I was even ten seconds late..." Kylo muttered, voice strained and shaking.

The image of that man pressing a gun against you in that dark and dirty stairwell kept running through his head. What if there had been just a few more seconds of traffic as he sped to the location? He would've been too late. It had been way too close.

You squeezed him tighter, "But you weren't. Please don't beat yourself up about this, it's not going to help anything. You _saved_ me." You said to him, soothingly running your hand up and down his arm.

Kylo shook his head, "I didn't save you. I did this to you." He said bitterly, "You could've died and that would've been on me." He said, voice cracking slightly. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself.

You moved so that you could look up at him again, keeping your expression even. You didn't want to make an indication to him that his tears were making you feel as helpless as they currently were. "I knew what this was going to be like from the very beginning." You said to him, eyes searching over his face.

"Even when we barely knew each other...You bought me that dress and those matching underwear," You chuckled slightly, nostalgic, "I knew that it was risky but I wore it to dinner anyways. Right in front of Hux." You thought back to that night. It had been the first time you saw Kylo and Hux physically fight too.

Kylo wiped away at his tears, thinking back on it as well. Everything was so simple then.

"I chose to wear the dress. I put it on knowing that if Hux found out..." You trailed off, you didn't need to say out loud. You were living it now. "This has always been just as much my fault as it's been yours, right from the start. You didn't trick me or convince me to be with you, you know? I'm with you because I want to be, even with the danger. Please don't feel guilty. We did this together, we always have." 

Something about that caused Kylo's eyebrows to raise, letting it wash over him. ' _We did this together'._ It made more tears form in his eyes, for reasons he wasn't even sure of. It was hard for him to comprehend that you were as devoted to him as you were. God, he was _in love_ withyou, he couldn't imagine you not being by his side.

"I love you, Kylo." You said, wide eyes locking with his. Your hand went to his cheek, using your thumb to wipe away the tears on his face. You two said you loved each other pretty often now. But it would never get old, it would always feel like the first time again.

Kylo let out a small noise, trying to stifle the way he was crying. His eyes moved up towards the ceiling instead of on you, suddenly overwhelmed by all of this. He took in a loud, trembling breath. "C-can you...?" He didn't finish the sentence, unable to.

"Can I do what?" You urged him gently, moving hair away from his face.

He shook his head, clenching his jaw. "It's stupid."

"I doubt it." You frowned. You'd do anything for him.

Kylo thought it over, how to ask for it, if it was worth it.

After a few beats of silence, "Just for tonight...Could you call me Ben?"

You didn't know what to say. The name Ben was something that you chose to ignore, not wanting to bring anything up that might hurt him. But he asked you to call him that once before, in the beginning, after you two ran away together and he opened up about his mom. He never requested it again but his past was something that you always pondered over. You weren't sure how connected he was to it now.

"Ben." You said out loud, testing it out, reminding yourself how it felt to say it.

Kylo swallowed hard and nodded, "Just for the night. Please." He said to you desperately.

He couldn't explain out loud why he needed it but it made sense to him. The name reminded him of who he was before all of this. Before Snoke planted the seed of the mafia into his head. Kylo felt so lost right now, exposed and confused about the choices he needed to make and had already made...He needed to feel that connection again, to his life before.

You stared at him for a while. You loved Kylo for who he was today. You never wanted to even consider changing him. You didn't have the desire for him to return to who he was before the mob. But, if he wanted to pretend...You would indulge him for the night. You wanted to give him whatever he needed.

You scooted up on the bed, fingers lingering on his skin. "I love you, Ben." You told him, heart thumping wildly at how it felt to say that out loud.

Kylo's eyebrows furrowed together, mouth parting slightly. It felt wrong, almost, to hear you say that. It wasn't natural. He didn't consider himself to be Ben anymore. He was Kylo, he was always going to be Kylo. But he _needed_ this, regardless of how unfamiliar it felt for him.

"I love you too. I love you so much." Kylo said to you, chin trembling. He grabbed you and pulled you up onto his chest, your face hovering over his. He tucked your hair behind your ear, fingers resting on your cheek. "You know I'd do anything for you, right?"

You nodded at his question, feeling exposed from the way he was staring at you so intently, like he was memorizing every feature, counting each breath. "I know."

He was quiet for a few seconds, still staring. "I'm going to fix everything. I just need you to trust me."

You bent down and pressed your lips against his full ones, ignoring the way both of you were shaking. "I trust you." You muttered against his skin, "I really do." You added. You did trust him, regardless of everything that happened, you knew he always meant well when it came to you.

"Good, you should. This stress will all be over soon." Kylo murmured, in between kisses, holding you close to him. He parted away just slightly so that he could say, "I love you." one more time before he was kissing you again.

Carefully, Kylo rolled so that he was on top of you, making sure not to move too quickly or roughly and startle you. His brain was scrambled, intrusive thoughts rushing through it, but everything always made so much more sense when he was kissing you, when he was inside of you.

He started kissing down your neck, large hands running over your ribcage, your waist, your hips. Most of the time when the two of you had sex, it was always rushed and dirty. But right now, it was different. Kylo was fully present with you, taking his time and enjoying the feeling of being close to you.

You sighed softly, head tilting back, gaze downwards on the way he was searching over your body with his hands. When his kisses roamed over your chest, in between your breasts, you tugged gently at his hair. This caused Kylo to look up at you, wide eyed and somehow innocent looking, skin tinged pink from crying.

"You're so handsome." You told him, pushing a few stray pieces of hair out of his eyes. He still had it pushed back from earlier but it was starting to fall out from it's tie. It made you emotional to let yourself fully appreciate him, how perfect he was. You blinked away tears, butterflies forming at the realization of how fucking lucky you were. "The most perfect man I've ever seen." You added genuinely, a crack of a smirk on your lips.

Kylo let himself smirk back for a moment, taken back by your sincerity. It was too much for him, he didn't deserve it. He looked back down to your skin, continuing to move his kisses lower and lower, moving to the end of the mattress as he did so, trying to distract himself.

When he reached the waistband of your little pajama shorts, he glanced up at you with raised brows, as if to ask for permission. You had such a long day, he needed to make it up to you. Kylo wanted to make you feel good. "Do you want this?" He asked, fingers running along the top of your shorts, dipping in every so often. He knew that you weren't feeling yourself, he didn't want to assume you wanted this just because he did.

You nodded at him, wiping away your tears with the back of your hand. "Please-" You cut yourself off, almost calling him Kylo out of habit. "Please." You corrected yourself.

He sighed in relief, happy that you wanted it as well. Kylo's cock was already straining against his sweatpants just from kissing at your skin, recognizing how soft you were and inhaling the familiar scent that was you. He pulled your shorts off and set them beside you in bed.

You watched as his fingers carefully ran over the soft material of your underwear, teasing you through the fabric. You bit your lip, the sight of how concentrated he was on you making you almost swoon.

"You're so pretty." He murmured, almost as if he were speaking to himself. He was staring at his own touches, observing how large his fingers looked against you. The tip of his middle finger came into contact with your clit from the outside of your panties and you gasped at the feeling. Your hips bucked up towards his touch, wanting more of it.

He bent down and couldn't help himself from pressing his lips where he knew your clit was behind the underwear, eliciting a sigh of pleasure from you. His exhales were warm and he carefully ran his tongue along the fabric, teasing you.

You arched your back in a way that brought your hips up closer to him. You were aching at the lack of direct contact. "Stop teasing." You breathed out, half smiling, half pleading.

Kylo's eyes flicked up to you before settling back on your parted legs. He wasn't trying to tease you, you didn't deserve any more torture regardless of the method behind it tonight. He had just been enjoying taking it slow, focusing. "Okay, my good girl." He murmured before pulling your panties off and neatly setting them on top of your discarded pajama shorts. Everything was so calculated, so careful.

The feeling of his lips closing in around your exposed clit, made you moan out loud, eyes flickering shut. He always knew just how to touch you and although he usually made you whine and beg for it, clearly that wasn't his intention tonight. He wasted no time in circling his tongue, flicking it, sucking, doing everything he needed to make your toes begin to curl. He just wanted to take care of you tonight.

"Oh, god." You exhaled, opening your eyes and glancing down at him. Your hands went to his tied back hair, smoothing it down and away from his eyes. You couldn't help the way you started grinding your hips against his tongue, thrilled at the fact he was actually letting you do so.

Kylo groaned against your wetness, lapping you up, devouring you. He grabbed at your thighs, parting them farther from each other so that he could get as much access as possible.

You gasped at his enthusiasm, how eager he was to make you feel good and make you cum. You watched how his hand went to his own cock, rubbing against himself from the outside of his pajama bottoms. Kylo was known for being a selfish mob boss but here he was, about to cum in his pants just from eating your pussy. As much as it turned you on, it also made your heart swell. He loved you so much.

You were already close, his tongue and pouty lips expertly bringing you to the peak feeling pleasure with each movement. When he cautiously slid two fingers inside of you, curling upwards, it sent you right to the edge. "Fuck, just like that." You whined, gasping, desperate.

Kylo moaned at the feeling of your walls clenching around his fingers and at the sound of your voice. He could do this forever and he wished that he could. If it were up to him, he'd spend the rest of his life in between your legs, making you cry and squirm.

"I want you to cum for me." Kylo muttered to you, not even moving his lips away from your clit as he did so, not wanting to stop for a second. His deep voice sent vibrations through your skin, causing you to whimper from the overwhelming pleasure you were feeling.

You nodded at his request, head swimming. You opened your mouth to tell him 'okay' or something along those lines but instead a moan escaped your throat, cutting you off. Your orgasm hit you hard and Kylo didn't stop his motions as you came on his face. Your hips twitched against his mouth and fingers while you let out a slew of 'yes's and whines.

When he was able to tell that you were finished recovering, Kylo parted away from you. His hands instantly started pushing his pants and boxers off of his waist before he grasped at his cock, pumping his palm around it. He moved farther up on the bed, lining the head of his erection along your entrance, getting it wet.

You were still in a daze as you stared up at him. He looked like a fucking God, face coated in your wetness, lips swollen, and pieces of loose hair falling near his dark eyes. He really was the most gorgeous man you'd ever seen.

Kylo settled onto his forearms, face near yours as he carefully rolled his hips towards you, thrusting inside of you. Your high pitched moan came out in time with his low growl, the sounds contrasting each other. "Fuck." He groaned, always taken back by how perfectly he fit inside of you.

Your hands went to the sides of his face, holding him there while he started rocking his hips in and out of you. Your foreheads were almost against each other's, stares locked on the other's eyes. You could vaguely feel his chain dangling from his neck and brushing against your skin. You loved it. This really was the act of making love, something that you two didn't do enough of.

Neither of you could keep track of how much time had passed. You could've been lost in each other for hours and hours, forgetting that a world outside of each other's arms existed. Kylo's pace inside of you was slow and careful, taking in every little feeling of you, every noise you made. There was no rushing, no animalistic desire, it was all about being close to you.

"I fucking love you." Kylo groaned, lips brushing against yours as he spoke because of how close the two of you were to each other. "I'm _so_ fucking in love with you, princess. You know that right?" He sighed, eyebrows knitting together in concentration.

You nodded to the best of your abilities, a soft whimper leaving your chest at the feeling of him inside of you, the way his genuine words sounded. "I know that. I know." You assured him. Your hands went to his back, nails running against his skin. "I love you too-" Your statement was cut off by a gasp, his thrusts suddenly coming in faster.

"Yeah, good girl, tell me." Kylo urged you with a grunt, his orgasm building up. "Say it to me again. Please." He pleaded with you. He hated the way he felt tears prick at his eyes again, emotional about how connected he felt with you, he never wanted this to end.

"I love you." You told him breathlessly, giving him what he wanted. You tilted your head back so that you were able to read his expression. Your pulse quickened at what you wanted to say next. It made you nervous but you knew he needed it. "Ben, I love you." You said to him, blinking away your own emotion in your eyes.

A small whine left Kylo's chest at that, fingers tangling in your hair then running over your face to wipe away a few stray tears. "Oh god, I'm gonna cum." He cried out, eyes still locked on yours. This was all so intense, so intimate, it was too much for him.

"Please." You told him, urging him, wanting him to feel good. "I love you so much. I want you to cum." You whimpered, nails digging into his back just slightly.

Kylo's eyes fluttered shut, his hips thrusting inside of you at a sloppy pace, jaw clenched. "Oh f-fuck, yes." He was rambling, a string of grunts and words of approval as he came inside of you. "I love you." He gasped as he rode out his release, " _Oh_ , I fucking _love_ you."

You were watching him in awe, taken back by how beautiful he was and how much he loved you and how much of him belonged to you. In that moment, you were more certain than ever that you would go through any amount of stress and pain just to be with him.

As he came down from the feeling, Kylo collapsed onto the bed next to you. He didn't pull out from you, instead he kept you close against his chest. Your leg was over his waist, holding him close, peppering kisses against his skin.

"No one's going to hurt you again. I'm keeping you safe." Kylo muttered, lips pressed against your forehead. He pulled you tightly against him and inhaled deeply, memorizing the moment.

"I know. I trust you, remember?" You said to him in a soft voice. You really did trust him.

"You do." Kylo agreed, the tone of his voice almost sad, exhausted.

This wasn't going to be easy, none of this was. But it was worth it.


	38. Second Chance

Your eyes fluttered open, arms and legs stretching to their sides against your soft sheets. For a quick moment, you almost forgot about everything going on because of how comfortable you were. 

But then as you blinked and adjusted to the light coming in from the large window, you were able to see the way that Kylo was digging through your belongings, placing them into the open suitcase on the ground beside him. And it all came back to you. 

The kidnapping, your safety, the overall feeling of impending doom…You were going out of town in a few hours to hide away from the mafia boss who planned to kill you.  _ Right _ .

“Hi.” You murmured softly, watching the rushed and concentrated way that Kylo was gathering items, packing for you. 

“Good morning...” He mumbled quietly, barely even glancing back at you as he did so. “Coffee’s on the kitchen table. I was just about to wake you up, we need to go soon.” Kylo explained. His tone was calm despite everything and somehow it did make you feel better. He always had that ability.

You sat up, pulling your blanket up around you as you did so. You were shaking and you weren't sure if it was from the cold air of the morning or from the nerves that you felt for everything the two of you were going to attempt to accomplish.

Kylo looked back at you as he tossed your phone charger into the suitcase. “Actually, stay put, baby. I’ll bring it to you.” He offered, noticing the anxious look on your face and the way you were holding yourself tightly. It didn’t matter what was on his mind, he would always automatically take care of you, even if he didn’t realize it.

Kylo went into the kitchen and after a moment he was back in the bedroom with you, handing you a slightly steaming cup and a granola bar. “If you can’t eat that, you can wait until we get on the plane but I do want you to have something. You didn’t eat anything last night.” He told you, knowing that it wasn’t easy to force yourself to eat when you were worked up but he didn’t want your hunger to make you feel worse.

You knew you wouldn’t be able to keep anything down, you were already nauseous. But you did attempt to take a drink of the coffee, desperate for some sort of normalcy. You watched as he began gathering again. “How do you know what to pack?” You teased him. 

“I know you.” He replied, distracted by the task at hand. He bent down to zip it up, grabbing it so that he could set it up on it’s wheels. “I already got my things together so we’ll go as soon as you're ready.”

“Okay.” You said, taking a deep breath. You weren’t sure if you’d ever be ready to flee your home to hide from Snoke but there was no other option. This was your life now.

  
  


You supposed that the gentle hum of the private plane soaring through the sky should’ve brought you some calmness, some relief. But it didn’t. You were thinking too much about where you might be going, how long you’d be there, if everything would work out.

You trusted Kylo and you knew he was doing his best to keep you and him safe. But this wasn’t something to take lightly. Snoke tried to kill you. He almost did. You couldn’t help but wonder what he’d do to Kylo and the knights if he was aware that you were all running away and hiding together, plotting behind his back...

It didn't exactly help that Kylo was extremely grumpy and on edge while Ushar and Vicrul were the opposite. They were really treating this entire thing like a fun little vacation because in a way, that’s what it was for them. It wasn’t even noon and they had already popped a bottle of champagne and were yelling like rowdy frat boys. 

“Here you go, little girl. Cheer up.” Ushar said to you, elbowing you teasingly before handing you a glass of the alcohol that they just opened. 

Kylo reached forward and took it from Ushar’s hands before you had the chance to grab it yourself. “No.” He said simply, a brief shake of his head. “Don’t give her that. She hasn’t eaten in over a day.”

“Oh, come on. Champagne for breakfast sounds like a good idea.” Vicrul interjected, giving his boss a big boyish grin. “Don’t you think?” He asked, turning his attention towards you, eyebrow quirking. 

It actually didn’t sound like a good idea at all. Your stomach was turning from nerves and you weren’t sure if adding alcohol into the mix would be for the best. But glancing over at how cranky Kylo was and how eager the two knights were, made you want to at least poke fun at the situation. You loved your angry boyfriend. 

“Hmm, yeah...I think it sounds like a good idea.” You agreed, giving Vicrul a mischievous look.

“ _ No _ .” Kylo sighed, shaking his head. He was fully aware that you were just agreeing to irritate him further, you didn’t even want the drink. 

“Well, hey, if you need something a little more... _ solid… _ ” Ushar spoke as he dug around in his coat pocket before he pulled out a little bag of white powder. “We could add some cocaine to the mix. Breakfast of champions.” 

“Absolutely not. Put that shit away.” Kylo groaned, fingers pinching at the bridge of his nose in frustration. He somewhat appreciated the fact that they were attempting to cheer you up. But this whole situation was so risky, there was so much that Kylo still needed to take care of. He was in no mood to party. 

“No drugs.” You agreed, chuckling, putting a hand on Kylo’s knee. “But…” You trailed off, motioning towards the glass of alcohol in his hand, letting him know that although you were definitely not in the mood to get high, you wouldn’t mind a few sips to get the edge off. 

Kylo inhaled deeply. He wanted to give you what you wanted but he also wanted to give you what was best for you. Those things were not always the same. He looked at your tired eyes and frowned. You deserved it, he supposed. “Fine. But only one glass and after you eat the food you brought.” He decided. 

You grinned and squeezed his knee. You won. “Thanks.” 

Kylo couldn’t help but crack a small smile at that, to see you openly happy. “You’re welcome. Now give daddy a kiss.” He requested, moving in closer so that you could lean up and press your lips against his.

The men across from you were staring intently, always excited to witness contact between the two of you. “Fuck yeah. Keep going,” Ushar urged, taking a long sip from his cup, “But a little slower.” He joked, causing Vicrul to laugh out loud.

You two parted away from each other, sending them joking glares. 

For that passing moment, everything felt normal again. Nostalgic. It was like the four of you were getting high in Kylo’s apartment, teasing each other and relaxing. 

But then you glanced out of the plane’s window, going through the clouds and everything felt heavy again. 

You by glanced over to Kylo and you could tell that his thoughts were going in the same direction, a deep frown on his lips. Keeping his gaze out into the sky, he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you tightly against him. 

He kissed the top of your head, inhaling and exhaling audibly. “I love you, princess.” He murmured in your ear, quiet enough for only you to hear. 

You swallowed hard, feeling emotional at his openness and at the sudden rush of worry in your stomach. You glanced up at him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I love you too.”

You wanted to ask him if everything was going to be okay, wanting to hear him say that it would be, just needing that reassurance. 

“So no coke?” Ushar suddenly yelled over to the two of you which earned a joking punch from Vicrul in the shoulder which then led to a small little wrestling match in their respective seats. 

You glanced over at them, at the way that Vicrul had Ushar in a headlock, choking him comically. It was all going to be okay, you decided. You settled against Kylo’s chest, taking a deep breath. 

A moment of silence, then, Kylo nudged you. You looked up at him as he placed the granola bar in your hand, smirking gently. “Eat.” He muttered. He didn’t forget. 

During the flight, you spent most of your time with Vicrul and Ushar. They calmed down after a few glasses of champagne, opting to not do the coke, after all. The three of you were in the back of the plane, playing a game of cards on one of the fold out tables. 

“You fucker.” Ushar muttered, flipping his cards over with a sigh. 

Vicrul smirked and leaned back in his seat, cocky. “Step it up, seriously. Have we beat you every round?” He asked, motioning towards you. 

Your smirk matched his, a small chuckle leaving your chest at the frustrated look on Ushar’s face. You couldn’t lie and say that you were having a thrilling time. You didn’t really like cards and you still had a pit in your stomach. But it did distract you for the most part, the anxiety really only creeping in when the game needed to be paused for bathroom breaks or a lull in conversation. 

Kylo had been sitting by himself, back turned towards the three of you, the entire time. He had his laptop out, typing away and jotting things down in a notebook beside him. You never pried into his work but you always wondered what he was up to. Sometimes you’d wake up to him in the kitchen doing the same thing, sipping from a mug of coffee as he did so. 

You found yourself sighing as you stared at him, able to catch glimpses of his side profile as he concentrated. The rings on his fingers glinted in the light as they moved on his keyboard, occasionally pausing to run through his hair, teeth grazing his bottom lip in concentration. He was so fucking gorgeous. You were so in love with him. 

“Okay, careful.” Ushar said, nudging you with his elbow, “Don’t get the seats all wet.” He teased you, noticing the way that you were staring at Kylo. 

You rolled your eyes but the smile didn’t leave your lips, continuing to stare at him. You could do this. You could get through this because you had Kylo. He was your man, you could get through this together.

  
  


You still weren’t sure where you were going. Kylo told you that it made more sense if you didn’t know anything about it. You wouldn’t have to play dumb, if it came down to it, if you genuinely didn’t know.

Getting off of the exit ramp connected to the plane, you couldn’t help but smirk at the way Ushar looked wheeling your leopard print suitcase behind him. He lost the game of cards which meant he had to carry you and Vicrul’s bags. He looked ridiculous, the amount of things that he was lugging around. 

Vicrul’s first reaction was to get his phone out and snap a photo but he knew better. Even if no one ever saw them, there couldn’t be any traces to where the four of you were. He frowned at the realization. Him and Ushar could joke around as much as they wanted to try and lighten the mood but it didn’t change the fact that this was a serious situation. 

A driver was waiting for you, a large car, big enough that you could all ride together with your bags. Kylo sat in the front passenger seat, putting you in the back in between Vicurl and Ushar. A ‘Dumb and Dumber’ sandwich. 

The car ride was silent for the most part, everyone focused on the scenes passing the window, you even more so because you weren’t sure where you had even landed. The weather didn’t seem too much different from back at home, maybe slightly warmer, it was hard to tell

Soon, the car pulled up to the last place you ever thought Kylo would step foot in. A run down and tiny motel, off the side of the road.

“Oh, Kylo, you shouldn’t have. You spoil us.” Vicrul joked sarcastically as the driver pulled into a spot. 

You had gone out of town with Kylo before, when you said goodbye to your mom. He had bought an extremely nice hotel suite right in the heart of the city. This was definitely different. But in a way, you did feel spoiled. Not because you were staying somewhere but because you were alive to do so. It didn’t matter if you were sleeping in the back of a car. You were safe. 

Kylo grunted in response, clearly not in the mood to tease him back. It was the best option, it didn’t matter if it was luxurious or not. It was a matter of life or death. He was so nervous.

“Stay here. I’ll grab the keys.” Kylo said, already opening the door and exiting the car as he said it. Before anyone could respond, the door was already slammed behind him. 

The three of you in the backseat stared at the way Kylo stalked off to the motel’s office, where he was going to grab the key from the owner. His long legs moved in quick strides, easily making his way across the parking lot in moments, grumpy. 

“He needs to get laid.” Ushar commented, sighing. 

“I’m sure he will.” Vicrul smirked, large knee bumping against yours, winking. 

You weren’t so sure. Kylo was never this wound up. 

  
  


The four of you were sharing two different rooms. You and Kylo in one with Vic and Ushar in the other, obviously. The rooms themselves were small and dated, the carpet and tiny chair in the corner was probably put in place 50 years ago. But it wasn't dirty, spotless even. At least that. 

You were sitting on the edge of the bed, feet dangling as you stared at the television playing in front of you. Kylo took your phone, turning it off and making sure that it would be impossible to track you from it. You felt like a child, getting grounded. But you knew it was for the best. 

Kylo was standing by the window, looking out of it suspiciously, fingers covered in expensive rings juxtapositioned against the faded material of the curtain. 

“Hey.” You called out for him. You had a pit in your stomach and you just needed him near you. He felt so far away and not just in physical distance. You could tell his mind was on a million other things. Planning and wondering. You didn’t blame him but you were so scared and you felt so alone. 

Kylo didn’t hear you at first, at least he didn’t make any indication of it.

You frowned, taking a deep breath. “Kylo.” You said in a louder voice. 

He blinked, tearing his eyes away from the empty parking lot, the curtain falling back into place as his hand parted from it. “Hm?” He asked you, snapping out of it.

You didn't say anything but the look on your face said it at all. Eyes wide and watery, eyebrows knitting together while you grasped at the blanket beneath you. You wanted him closer,  _ needed _ him closer to you right now. 

Kylo took a deep breath, the frown on his face matched yours as he made his way over to you. He sat at the edge of the bed beside you and put an arm around your shoulders. When you rested against him, his chin balanced on the top of your head, his other arm joining to pull you in closer. His hold against you was stiff, hesitant even. It felt different.

You exhaled in relief, feeling so much more at ease with him so close to you, even if it wasn’t as warm from his end. “How long will we have to be here?” You asked him softly, knowing he probably didn’t want to answer questions right now. But there was so much you wanted to know, so much that he was purposefully not telling you. 

“Not long.” He told you, voice deep and reassuring but there was a hint of something in it that you were able to detect. Worry. 

You two were silent for a while, sounds of the tv gently playing in the background. 

Then there was a knock on the door followed by an ‘it’s us’ in Vicrul’s voice.

Kylo pulled away from you and let them in, rolling his eyes in frustration when they rushed inside, laughing and shoving each other as if this was all one big party. It wasn’t. Kylo could feel his stomach twist and sink at everything that needed to be done to make sure that you were safe and to see them treating it as a big joke bothered him. 

“Fucking stop it, you two.” He said in an angry tone, pointing his finger at them as he went to lock the door. Kylo glanced over his shoulder, at the way that Vicrul and Ushar were calming themselves down, to the nervous look on your face. 

“Come with me.” Kylo instructed Vicrul, head motioning towards the door to let him know that he wanted to talk to him outside.

“ _ Oooo _ .” Ushar smirked, “He’s in trouble.” He said, acting like a child.

It was enough to make even you crack a smile and Vicrul chuckled as well, knowing that he was in any sort of real trouble... _ right _ ?

Him and Kylo left the motel room, the door shutting behind them seemingly louder than normal, making you jump at the impact of it. You knew the attempted kidnap would have lasting effects on you. It was still so fresh in your mind, any sudden movements or noises around you put you on edge. You hated that those random strangers had this much of an effect on you, you hated that it felt like they won somehow even if their bodies were probably currently scattered across the city right now.

“You alright?” Ushar asked you, snooping through the room, opening drawers and digging around in them. He could sense how tense you were, how you jumped at the door slamming.

“Yeah.” You answered, lying. You weren’t alright but what could he do to help? You weren’t sure anyone could fix this. “I’m going to the bathroom.” You told him, standing onto your feet and going in that direction.

Once you were alone in the bathroom, door locked behind you, you took a deep breath and leaned over the sink. You glanced in the mirror. You had some bruises and scrapes on your skin, dark circles under your eyes, a deep frown on your face. 

You started thinking again about how close it had been for you. The man had his gun against your skin and you had been all alone with him in that stairwell. He would’ve killed you if Kylo had gotten there a few seconds later… You shivered at the memory, shaking your head at yourself as if to shake the feeling away. 

You were okay now. You were alive. You were with Kylo. 

You kept telling yourself that, splashing some cold water onto your face in an attempt to get your feelings together. 

When you decided you were composed enough, you made your way back out into the main room. Kylo and Vicrul were just walking back in and they exchanged a few silent looks with Ushar. Somehow they had been able to communicate the fact that Kylo wanted to be alone with you because there hadn’t been any verbal directions but somehow Ushar knew to stand up and exit with Vicrul. 

“Hi.” You said to Kylo, giving him a small smile, just grateful to be there with him. 

“Hey.” He answered back, forehead wrinkled in worry. He put his hands in his pockets, looking more defeated and small than you’d seen him in a while. Even last night when he was crying and almost begging you to call him Ben, it hadn’t been like this. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked him, your expression matching his. 

Kylo didn’t answer, shaking his head, eyes not meeting yours. “Do you um-do you have everything that you need?” He asked you, finally looking back at you, focused.

Your eyes flashed towards your suitcase. He’d been the one to pack it, you’d barely looked it over before you left. But you were grateful to see that he’d brought you a few outfits, pajamas, things like basic art supplies, books. Anything to keep you busy. “I think so. Maybe some food? I’m starting to get hungry.” You told him. You had only been able to eat half of the granola bar earlier, nerves twisting your stomach into knots.

“Food.” Kylo repeated, nodding as if to let it sink in. He seemed so distracted. “Sure, yeah. Tell Vic, he’ll get you something.”

You nodded, hands twisting together nervously. You had a bad feeling, you never saw him like this. “Is there something-” 

Before you could finish your sentence to ask him if there was something wrong, he cut you off. 

“You’re settled then? You’re okay to stay here for the next couple of nights?” He asked you and when you nodded, he continued. “Good. So, then...You’re going to stay here with Vicrul and Ushar. My plane is going to get you in a few days and... I’m going to go back home right now.”

He said it so matter of factly that you almost missed it. You were confused. “Wait, what? Why aren’t you staying here? I want to go home when you go home.”

Kylo began pacing slightly, turning away from you. He did this for a few long moments as he thought about how he wanted to answer you, how he should say all of this. It was all so difficult for him. “You aren’t coming home.” He said finally, stopping the pacing so that he could turn to you. 

Your mouth parted, still so confused. “I-I’m not? I don’t understand…”

Kylo was visibly frustrated now. He needed to just rip the band aid off, he needed to just come out with it and tell you everything, what the plan was. It was just so difficult for him. He didn’t want to do it, any of it.

“The only way you’re allowed to leave the mafia is if it kills you...You know that, right? When you get involved with the mob, the only end to it is death, whether by the organization’s hand or not.” Kylo said to you, hands motioning as he talked, passionate. 

You nodded, you understood. 

“So the only way you’re going to be safe, is if we pretend it  _ did _ kill you. Those kidnappers were supposed to do it and we’re going to let them believe that they did. In everyone’s eyes, Snoke’s especially, you’re dead.” Kylo said to you, lip quivering slightly just at those words. 

Your mind was racing, trying to understand what this meant for you. 

“When my plane comes in a few days, it’s going to take you somewhere. No one, besides you, will ever know where you are. No one will be able to find you, including me. Do you understand?” He asked you, face turning slightly pink. 

You shook your head. “Kylo, no, I don’t understand.”

He sighed in frustration, hands on his face for a moment to collect himself. The urge to get emotional was strong but he knew it wasn't the time. He needed to give you all of this information to make sure you understood.

His hand in his pocket fished around, looking for something. It retreated and when he flipped his palm over, opening it up for you, your confusion only grew. 

In his large hand was the flash drive. 

The same black and red flash drive that had fallen out of his pocket and you had hid away in your drawer for months. 

“This is yours.” He told you, glancing down at you then back at the flashdrive. “It’s always been yours.”

Kylo knew that you were still confused so he went on. “Can you remember back to the night we came back home from saying goodbye to your mom? We were in the shower and I was a dick to you, I told you that I didn’t care about you.”

You remembered. Very clearly. It was something that you thought about at times when your doubts became too powerful. It still hurt to remember.

“I did that to you because I heard you talking to Hux on the phone. You told him that you loved him and I heard the way he made you laugh and I…” Kylo stopped himself, confused about how he wanted to word it. “I knew that _ I _ wanted that with you. It was something I’d never felt before but I just had this gut reaction to it... I wanted to love you. And I wanted you to love me.”

You felt like you couldn’t breathe. This was all happening too quickly and too slow, somehow simultaneously. You wanted more answers but you were overwhelmed. 

“I knew how bad I’d be for you, how dangerous this whole life was. It was different with Hux, if he ended it with you, you could’ve walked away. You knew nothing, you had no real ties to the mob besides how you met Hux in the first place... But when we went away on that trip, you  _ killed _ someone for me, you saw way too much. There was no way out for you from that point on, you were stuck.” Kylo explained, breathing heavy, trying to get everything out that he needed to. 

“When we got into the shower, I tried to be a dick to you so that you didn’t want me. I thought that maybe if you distanced yourself before things got too deep, you’d be safe. You could leave if you needed to...But I don’t know. I wasn’t sure that it would work so... that night, when I got back to my apartment, I started getting things together for you. I pulled a lot of strings, did a lot of people a lot of favors. But I did  _ this _ for you.” He opened his hand up again to show the flashdrive. 

“Kylo…I don’t...” You shook your head, feeling tears prick your eyes. You didn’t get it.

He stared at you, “When I look in your eyes...All I see is  _ Ben _ .” Kylo’s voice cracked at that, emotion taking over him. He’d tried to be strong to explain things to you but he couldn’t anymore, it was making him too weak. “I see the person who I was before Snoke got into my head and ruined me...And-and, it fucking kills me to know that I’m starting to ruin you, I already have...I’m doing the same thing to you that he did to me.”

Your tears flowed freely now, unable to hold back. “You’re not, Kylo. You haven’t ruined me, I-”

He cut you off, holding up his free hand to silence you. “Please. Let me say what I need to. We don’t have a lot of time.”

You swallowed hard, silent. 

Kylo grabbed your hand and placed the flashdrive in it, squeezing your palm shut so that you didn’t have the opportunity to give it back. It was yours. “I’ve been selfish for too long. I should’ve given you this the second I had it made for you but then I lost it and I just didn’t make an attempt to find it and get it back because it took a weight off of my shoulders. I didn’t want to own it, I didn’t want to feel like I had to give it to you. I didn’t want you to leave me.”

You thought back to what he’d said to you, the night you admitted you’d been hiding it and gave it back to him. You asked him what was on it and he refused to tell you. He said:  _ "You'll leave me if you knew." _

Kylo had a few tears leaking from his eyes now too, the finality of the situation dawning on him. He’d thought about this so many times and now it was finally happening. It felt like a nightmare. 

He squeezed your hand. “Listen. I’m going to go back home and when I leave, I need you to plug this into the computer I brought here for you and you need to follow the directions on it. I’m leaving you a new phone. There will be a number for you to call and they’ll explain everything to you.” He said, making small noises of anguish in between words, trying to hold back his tears. 

“On the flashdrive there will be some files, information...It’s your new identity. A new name, a new city, a new backstory...I know nothing about it. I have no idea where you’ll be going...I can’t know. I can’t have any ties to you. I can’t have an excuse to come looking for you. When I get on that plane in a few minutes, in my eyes, you’ll be dead.”

You were shaking your head, a few sobs leaving your chest at the thought of it. This didn’t feel real, it hurt way too badly. 

Kylo’s hand went to your cheek, forcing you to look up at him. His face was tensed up, in pain, crying just as hard as you were. “I’m giving you what no one else has ever had...I’m giving you the one thing that I’ve wished for since I first met Snoke... I’m giving you a way out, princess. This is it. This is your one and only chance at a new life.”

“I don’t want it.” You said quickly, trying to move your hand away from his grip, wanting to give him back the flashdrive but he wouldn’t let you, keeping your fist closed in around it. “I want you. I want to be with you.”

“I know you do.” Kylo muttered, shaking his head. “But you can’t be with me. It’s not possible. This is the only way-this is the only way that you’ll be safe.” He said to you. His heart hurt. He didn’t know what he would do without you, how he was going to wake up every morning without you by his side. 

He  _ loved _ you. Kylo was in love with you and that meant that the only thing he truly cared about was your safety and your eventual happiness. He needed to know that you were getting a second chance. He hoped that you’d take it and do better with it. Meet someone who wasn’t a danger to you. Get a degree somewhere else, maybe decide that you wanted to go on a completely different path in life that made you happy. 

And none of that would ever be possible for you if you stayed with him. 

In a perfect world, maybe he’d go home and he’d kill Snoke and Hux and there would be no one in the mob actively plotting your demise. You could be openly together as a couple and live happily ever after. But then it would just be someone else who wanted to get rid of you, use you as leverage. A rival mob, a cop, someone lower in the ranks trying to work their way up...

If you were his girl, you were going to die. There was no way around it. There was no happy ending for the two of you, in his eyes. 

All he cared about was that you were going to be safe. He didn’t care how miserable it would make him. It’s all he needed. 

“No...I’m not letting you go. I’m going with you.” You told him, unable to even see clearly because of how panicked you were and how quickly the tears were pouring from your eyes. 

“You’re not.” Kylo hissed, getting angry at how difficult this was for him. He felt like his chest was being ripped in half. “Vicrul and Ushar are going to stay with you and drop you off when the plane gets here in a few days. From there, someone else will meet you to pick you up, the person whose number is on the flashdrive. You’re going to be okay, I have it all figured out for you.”

You were having a hard time processing it, it went in one ear and out of the other because you could only think about the fact that Kylo was  _ leaving _ you. 

“Kylo…” You looked up at him with wide, watery eyes, “I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to. Please, don’t go.” You begged him, not having even a moment of embarrassment at how desperate you sounded. You  _ were _ desperate. You didn’t want this.

Kylo let out a low sob at that. It was so hard to not give in and give you what you were asking for, especially when it was something he also wanted so badly. “I have to go, princess. I need to do this so that you’ll be okay. I-I have to leave you because _ I love you _ .”

You couldn’t process this. You went out of town with him because you thought the two of you were going to hide away for a few days. You hadn’t known details but you assumed that maybe someone would kill Snoke while you were gone and you’d be able to come back and be safe. 

But really, Kylo was bringing you here so that you had a place to hide without him. It was why he was on edge all morning, barely even looking at you. It was the reason why he asked you to call him Ben one last time the night before, why he took his time when he fucked you, wanting to memorize the feeling of being close to you.

You stared down at the flash drive in your hands. This whole time you had assumed that whatever on it was something about Kylo, something he’d done and hid away. But the entire time...it was  _ you _ .

The reason why Kylo didn’t want to tell you it’s contents was because he assumed you’d want to leave him and start over if you knew you weren’t stuck with him, stuck in this life. Now he wasn’t giving you the option. You had to take this opportunity. 

You getting kidnapped and almost killed was the final straw for him. It was way too close and it had been all his fault. He was responsible and he knew he was responsible to fix it. Kylo knew he had to give you this flashdrive, he had to do whatever it took to keep you safe. Even if it hurt him.

He was a selfish asshole. But not when it came to you. You came first, always.

You stared up at Kylo, taking in the way that he had a hand over his face, shoulder shaking with the way that he was crying. 

“I love you Kylo. Don’t go,  _ please _ . I don’t want this, I can handle it, I want to be with you.” You were rambling, panicking. You moved in closer to him, wrapping your arms tightly around him as if to hold him in place. 

Kylo immediately held you close to him, letting you cry against his chest while he cried against the top of your head, sniffling against your hair. He’d done so much in his life. He killed his own father, even, but somehow this was the hardest thing he’d had to do. Leaving you. 

He pulled away, not looking at you. “I have to go. The plane’s waiting for me, I don’t have much time.” He said to you, wiping away at his face, trying to pull himself together. He needed to be strong for the both of you right now. 

Kylo looked you over, his eyes narrowing, trying to take in every detail. His last time ever seeing you in person. 

“I’m doing this because I love you. You deserve more than this life that I’ve pulled you into...I want you to have the chance I never did. It hurts now but it’ll be worth it for you.” He told you, taking deep breaths in between sentences to make sure he didn’t start crying hard again.

You were speechless. You felt like you were going to vomit or pass out. This couldn’t be happening. 

“You told me that you trust me.” Kylo said, jaw clenched, bottom lip quivering. 

“I-I do but-” You were interrupted by him. 

“Then trust this decision I made.” Kylo replied, eyes locked on yours securely, tears leaking from the sides of them. He made his way closer to you, putting a hand under your chin to force you to stare up at him. 

“I love you.” Kylo said, voice cracking with emotion. “I love you so much. You know that right? You understand this is all for you?”

His lips pressed against yours, hard and passionate and you could feel the wetness from his eyes mingling with yours against your skin. You both cried into the kiss, putting all of the anguish you felt into it. 

Kylo pulled away enough to stare at you again, take everything in. And then his hand left your chin, going back into his pocket as he stepped away from you. He couldn’t stay here for much longer, he was nervous he’d change his mind.

You quickly followed after him, not wanting him to even be an inch away from you because you didn’t want him to be able to actually leave. You grabbed at the material of his shirt, attempting to pull him back to you, desperate. 

“Princess,  _ please _ .” He begged you, taking your small hand and unclenching it from around his shirt. This was already so hard, seeing you in so much pain just made it even worse. “I have to leave.” 

“No.” You said to him, grabbing his arm, trying to pull him back. “Please, just talk to me, I’m not letting you go.”

Kylo backed up towards the door, chest heaving with the sobs he was holding back as he attempted to push your hands away from him. He opened it behind his back, the light from outside entering the dingy motel room as it swung open. 

Vicrul and Ushar were waiting on the other side of it, solemn looks on their faces. They didn’t have any idea about Kylo’s plan before now. They assumed the same things that you did, that you were all just hiding away while someone took care of Snoke and Hux during the time you were gone. When Kylo had the moment alone with Vicrul, he explained everything to him, what he needed from them. 

It hurt the two knights almost as much as it hurt you. They were going to miss you, they didn’t want to eventually say goodbye either. 

The driver was waiting outside, pulled up into a close parking spot for Kylo. 

Kylo made eye contact with Vicrul and Ushar and they quickly moved in behind you. Vicrul wrapped his arms around you, almost in a hug, to restrain you from attempting to grab at Kylo anymore or follow him to the car. 

You fought against Vicrul’s arms, yelling after Kylo to come back. He couldn’t leave you like this...You  _ needed _ him.

Kylo quickly turned his back to you as he walked to the car, knowing that if he watched the way you were crying and struggling he’d want to turn around and give up on all of these things that he had planned for so long. He couldn’t. He had to go through with this for you.

“Kylo!” You yelled, realizing that the pushing of Vicrul’s arms around you were doing no good, he was barely even budging. “Stop!” You yelled at him again, sad and desperate and angry. 

Kylo made no indication that he could hear you, opening the driver’s back seat and ducking inside. In reality, he heard it all. Every cry and plead that you were sending his way. It broke his heart in ways he didn’t know he could hurt. 

“Ready to go?” The driver asked, looking straight ahead, trying his best to mind his business. 

Kylo was silent for a few moments, able to hear the way you were shouting at him from outside of the window. If he didn’t go now, he never would. “I’m ready.” He decided, though his voice was hesitant. He wasn’t ready. He’d never be ready to leave you. 

The driver grunted softly in response before backing up in his spot, trying to ignore the scene that was playing out in front of him. 

You watched the large black vehicle exit the parking lot, turning onto the main road as your yelling died out. It was useless, he couldn’t hear you now. 

Vicrul held you close as you collapsed in his arms, mumbling something soothing to you that you couldn’t make out. 

You looked down at your hand, opening your palm. The flash drive. 

You quite literally held your new life in your hands. 

The life you didn’t want. 


End file.
